Blondiee1915: 3 months off lexapro - does it get better?

[Blondiee1915]

3 hours ago, bubble said:

 

The reason why I feel so bad about how long this tapering is taking is that I still can't give up on the idea to try and have a child (turned 41). Now I started thinking I would have to try it while still on drugs. I would desperately like to get off at least one...

I do not think you should give up on the idea of having a child.  You would be a wonderful mother.  I understand that being on medication is dangerous for the child, but you are on a pretty low dose for both meds and so many other women take "therapeutic" doses and get pregnant and have healthy children.  Clearly, I am no expert at all, but whatever you decide bubble will be a good decision, I am certain.  I am however, looking forward to reading an update one day from you saying you are expecting  

[bubble]

That's so sweet of you 😍 I think I will just have to try it no matter of what. Even if I don't make it at least I'll know I've tried.

 

How is your dating going? I was just reading the other day (I think it was Ladybug) having a boyfriend who is a doctor (and believes the right combination of meds would fix her according to his friend a psychiatrist). That was totally a Romeo and Juliette situation for me: an AD survivor and a doctor/psychiatrist! 

[Blondiee1915]

On 9/29/2018 at 12:24 PM, bubble said:

How is your dating going? I was just reading the other day (I think it was Ladybug) having a boyfriend who is a doctor (and believes the right combination of meds would fix her according to his friend a psychiatrist). That was totally a Romeo and Juliette situation for me: an AD survivor and a doctor/psychiatrist! 

I actually just met someone (well a few months ago).  We had a few dates and I do like him.  I even ended up telling him about my situation - SSRIs use and WD and my symptoms.  I started to like him and I think he likes me and I thought that I should just tell him and if too much he can just run away now instead of later.  But he is still here.  And I am still taking things slow because I am afraid of having bad days and not being a 100%.  And I do not think he gets it and it is hard to explain too how I feel at times.  I do not want to scare him but at the same time I want him to have somewhat of a grasp of how it is.  My guard is still up and it feels funny to be with someone who likes you and does nice things for you like makes you dinner and gets your your favorite snack.  I guess we shall see.  All I can do is be honest with him and myself and go from there.  

 

Oh goodness, I hope it works out for Ladybug, a pro-medication doctor and a person in withdrawal = might be a dangerous combo 

 

Hope you are having a good weekend Bubble

[Happy2Heal]

hi Blondie

 

long time no see! sorry I kinda lost track of your thread...   😕

 

oooh, dating?  how exciting for you

 

 

I hope all is going well!!
 

 

 

 

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Happy2Heal!

 

So good to hear from you.  Hope you are doing well and all is good ☺️☺️☺️

 

I am still struggling here I wish I had some positive news to report that I am fully recovered but unfortunately it looks like this will be a long road of healing for me.

 

I am still tapering my meds and going down little by little and I would think by the end of summer I should be off everything if things continue to be the same or hopefully better.  

 

My main struggle now besides WD is adrenal fatigue (low cortisol), hypothyroidism (was recently diagnosed), anemia (also recently diagnosed), and inability to absorb some vitamins such as D and B.  And most importantly my anxiety which I had while on lexapro and being off it is greatly increased.  I am working with a therapist however and doing whatever I can to get it under control.  

 

On a positive side I know that I can attribute some of these fatigue symptoms to actual issues such as hypothyroidism, low cortisol and anemia and that is comforting.  I also have a great functional doctor and a naturopath that work with me and are on board to get me better.  So I am remaining optimistic that I am on the right road.  

 

Oh yea I started dating.  Go figure me in WD and anxiety - I am quite the package.  This person that I’ve met seems very caring and for now understanding of my current situation.  He makes me happy but I still wonder if one day when I get symptomatic he will run away.  I don’t want to be anyone’s burden.   But that is me being negative and having fears.  I am concentrating on the positive and just taking it a step at a time.  

 

Would love to hear on how you are doing.  Are you fostering anymore rats? Doing social outings? All of the above? ☺️

 

B 

[apace41]

5 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Oh yea I started dating.  Go figure me in WD and anxiety - I am quite the package.  This person that I’ve met seems very caring and for now understanding of my current situation.  He makes me happy but I still wonder if one day when I get symptomatic he will run away.  I don’t want to be anyone’s burden.   But that is me being negative and having fears.  I am concentrating on the positive and just taking it a step at a time.  

 

Blondiee,

 

You seem like a great lady and, with or without withdrawal (say that 3 times fast!) he's lucky to have found you!

 

Don't wonder -- just enjoy.  It might just help your healing process.  

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

Thank you Andy.  So nice of you to say

 

You are right, I should just enjoy the moment and get out of my head.  I do hope it will last for sure and I do think it is helping my healing too ☺️ 

[Blondiee1915]

Hi everyone,

 

I decided to post a small update:

 

I feel that things have been somewhat rough lately and I am not sure what to attribute them to.   

 

I did too much for winter holidays and since then I have been having a difficult time.  

 

Per the advice of my functional MD I continue to raise my thyroid medication.  If it is too much I am noticing anxiety increase tremendously.  The problem with natural desiccated thyroid med however is that you have to continue to raise the dose until you find your optimal dose/the dose on which you feel good and if you are stuck on a too low dose for too long your symptoms can come back with a vengeance.  I had it happened.  On 45 mg I felt good for the first few weeks and then I started experience my symptoms to come back, once I went up to 60 my symptoms got better.  It is the strangest thing.  

 

I have my my follow up appointment soon with functional MD for thyroid and adrenal fatigue and I am curious to see where my numbers are. 

 

I am noticing more detachment, more fear and catastrophic thinking.  Everything feels more strange looking and overwhelming, like big spaces and crowds.  I felt this was before but now it feels more intense.  I don’t know what to attribute this to and how to deal with this.  I am also often dizzy and disbalanced.  But the whole detachment from my surrounding, my fuzzy head and slow brain and fatigue on top of irrational fear and a want to escape make it almost impossible for me to go to work. 

 

I started taking xanax for the last few weeks about 2-3 times a week mostly at work as I was on a verge of panic attacks. It does help with panic but I still feel very detached and almost out of it when I take it.  The I get hit with fatigue and basically go home and collapse in such a sleep coma.  The next day I feel a bit hungover.  But yesterday when I took it at work around 12 on the way home I felt peace and calm and almost happiness.  It felt like a window.  I am not sure why I get such inconsistent responses and what is happening.

 

To complicate matters even more I am taking vitamins including adrenal support which can be stimulating.  And I also started a gut protocol for a sma bacterial infection.  I am thinking maybe the start of this cleanse/gut protocol triggered some of my symptoms? I am not sure to be honest.  Part of me wants to stop everything (supplements) and just give my body a week of a wash period and then slowly reintroduce things.  

 

I am am fearful of getting addicted to Xanax and was contemplating updosing Luvox.  The thing is I am on such a low dose of Luvox that I doubt a small updose will do anything and to be honest every time I cut down on Luvox I pretty much felt zero withdrawal symptoms.  

 

I really hope my brain is not permanently damaged and that I can get better. I just don’t know what is the correct step right now.  Cut the thyroid med, finish my gut protocol or stop the vitamins or updose.  

 

On a a positive I am still in therapy for my anxiety.  My therapist is great and thinks I can conquer it without the drugs.  I also think my fatigue lessened compared to last year which is a major step in itself.  I do manage to do some yoga twice a week and journalize.  I started reading for pleasure and it feels so peaceful and relaxing.  Oh and I have a boyfriend (he still did not run away) who is very supporting and understanding.  Having him in my life does give me some happiness and normalcy.  

 

B 

 

 

[Blondiee1915]

I ended up updosing my SSRI  (have to update my signature).   I was having such a rough time - anxiety through the roof, had to take Xanax a few times a week which only made matters worse, felt so detached, more fatigue and in a constant flight or fight mode.  

 

I feel so so sad about increasing SSRI and I don’t even know if it will lift my symptoms to be honest.  But I feel like I had to do something to even a small relief.  

 

I remind myself that once I stabilize I will resume with my taper but I am still disappointed that after 2.5 years of symptoms and tapering I resorted to updose

 

Day 2 on updose from 10 mg to 25 mg of Luvox.  Headache, nausea, no appetite, more fatigue, and even more dizziness.  I might have increased it too much and have to cut back.  My poor body.  I am making myself eat and just resting today hoping to be alright tomorrow to go to work.   

 

B 

[apace41]

3 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I feel so so sad about increasing SSRI and I don’t even know if it will lift my symptoms to be honest.  But I feel like I had to do something to even a small relief.  

 

Nobody else will judge you, Blondie -- don't be so hard on yourself.  When you are suffering like this on a daily basis you do what you have to do for relief.  We all get it.  Let's hope it works.

 

4 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Day 2 on updose from 10 mg to 25 mg of Luvox.

 

That's an awfully steep increase for a compromised CNS.  I would have suggested something like 12.5mg or even 15mg (i.e., a 25% or 50% updose) as a 250% increase is a very big jump.  You can always try titrating up higher if the lower increase doesn't work.  I'd probably be inclined to adjust that tomorrow since using the lowest effective dose is always preferable.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

23 minutes ago, apace41 said:

Nobody else will judge you, Blondie -- don't be so hard on yourself.  When you are suffering like this on a daily basis you do what you have to do for relief.  We all get it.  Let's hope it works

 

Thank you Andy, for being so understanding.  I really hope it will work.  And I am reminding myself that this is just a bump and once I get a bit more stable I will resume my taper.  

25 minutes ago, apace41 said:

I'd probably be inclined to adjust that tomorrow since using the lowest effective dose is always preferable.

 

Yes, you are completely right, that is a huge increase.  I might have to cut back and just take half of the pill tomorrow.  I am trying to balance it out by decreasing notryptoline.  I went down to 3 mg from 4 and increased Luvox from 10 to 25.  It appears to still be a huge jump.  So tomorrow I will probably take less to help with side effects. 

 

Thank you for your input and support as always Andy 

[ChessieCat]

8 hours ago, apace41 said:

That's an awfully steep increase for a compromised CNS.

 

I thought exactly the same thing when I read how much you had increased by.

[Blondiee1915]

So that huge increase wasn’t a good call.  I am still anxious but now even more dizzy and tired and restless.  Do you guys think after 3 days at 25 I should go back to my original dose? I am scared I made things worse.  I also for some lavender capsules and St. John wort

[apace41]

I would probably either split the difference and try 17.5 or go down to 15.  Then I’d give it a good solid week to see where you are. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Andy,

 

thank you, that sounds like a plan.  The other thing is that I went from countining beads (10 mg extended release Luvox) to a pill (25 mg not extended release)...  should I just count the 15 beads instead of doing pill cutting etc? 

 

Ty again for your advice 

[apace41]

I would go back to the XR and just "pretend" the 3 day 25mg experiment never happened.  It may take a little more time for it to all wash out of your system (looks like Luvox half life is around 15-20 hours) so I would hope that by a week to 10 days max you'd be back to feeling the way you were or, good lord willing and the creek don't rise, better from the updose.

 

If you have some discomfort from the jumping around over that time period you will probably just have to do your best to ride that out.  

 

I saw that you are taking SJW and lavender?  Are those both new?

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

Andy,

 

Ok, I will go back to my regular dose tonight and hope I will be okay in a couple of days.  Will try my best to ride it out.

 

Thank you again for your advice 

 

I got levender capsules this weekend and took one yesterday with no noticeable difference 

 

I did not start SJW.  I think I am going to stabilize first on my old dose and then experiment with SJW 

[apace41]

Just now, Blondiee1915 said:

Ok, I will go back to my regular dose tonight and hope I will be okay in a couple of days.  Will try my best to ride it out.

 

Just to be clear, I was suggesting that you go to either 15mg or 17.5mg so that you are reducing from the 25mg but not all the way back to 10mg.  We want to try to stabilize you at a level where you have some level of updose since you wanted to test those waters, right?

 

2 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I got levender capsules this weekend and took one yesterday with no noticeable difference 

 

Assuming the product you bought was Calm-aid, which has had some pretty good test results (comparing favorably to benzos), it seems kind of hit or miss where it is a godsend for some and does nothing for others.  I would probably lay off it for the time being while you are trying to find a baseline on the Luvox -- just to avoid having another confounding factor.  When we see where you are after 7-10 days you will be better positioned to decide whether or not to add the lavender.  Right now, you are only "chasing symptoms" because of the discomfort.  Trust me -- I empathize -- been there a LOT lately.

 

5 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

experiment with SJW

 

I'd be very hesitant for you to experiment with SJW.  It is a serotonin reuptake inhibitor and can potentially, along with the Luvox, cause a buildup of serotonin.  While serotonin syndrome is not that common, adding another reuptake inhibitor to your Luvox at a time when you are shifting doses is probably not the best idea.  Just because it is an herb and natural doesn't mean it can't have a potent effect on your system.  If we are doing a mild updose of the Luvox there's really no need to add SJW to increase the serotonin level -- the Luvox updose should do that.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

I definitely wanted to experiement with an updose, makes sense to go to 15 mg from 25 mg.    

 

I am for sure chasing the symptoms.  I am trying so hard to accept and just go with it but it is nearly impossible.  My mind just tells me look for solution take this supplement or that one which is definitely not a right approach.  I did get Calmaid lavender.  Going to hold off on it until Luvox situation is resolved/ stabilized.  At this point after such hard core drugs I doubt there is a miracle supplement.  

 

I did not know that about SJW,  I don’t want to make things worse for sure.  Not planning on taking it.  The only reason I bought it was bc my functional doctor suggested it instead of an SSRI as I talked to him about an updose.  

 

 

 

[apace41]

7 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

My mind just tells me look for solution take this supplement or that one which is definitely not a right approach. 

 

I understand completely, Blondiee.  The notion that we are supposed to "passively accept" this kind of discomfort is hard to fathom and I fail miserably at it as well.  It would be a lot easier if you did that for a while and saw results so that you would be encouraged to continue with that approach.  I know in my case doing nothing doesn't seem to help much so you are motivated to act.  The challenge lies in the time frames and the lack of a means of measuring the process.  If you saw improvement and/or had a way to measure so you knew you had X weeks/months left it would be ok.  The "do nothing" and wait but we don't know how long is very tiresome.

 

10 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

At this point after such hard core drugs I doubt there is a miracle supplement.  

 

There have been a lot of pretty smart people on this site before us and none of them have found it.  Should tell us something!

 

11 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

The only reason I bought it was bc my functional doctor suggested it instead of an SSRI as I talked to him about an updose.

 

Got it.  Makes sense.  I think for now you are better off dealing solely with the one med you know at this point.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[ChessieCat]

It's best to only make one change at a time.  Otherwise if things change, you won't know what is causing it.  Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

[Blondiee1915]

Agreed, only one change at the time.  

 

Thank you you again so much for your support.  I will reduce Luvox tonight from 25mg to 15mg and will stay the course

 

[Blondiee1915]

Just an update: Last night went down to 15 mg of Luvox CR.  Feeling sleepy, more detached, anxious, dizzy, and also emotional and a bit depressed. Going to hold off and hope to stabilize soon.  

[apace41]

1 minute ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Just an update: Last night went down to 15 mg of Luvox CR.  Feeling sleepy, more detached, anxious, dizzy, and also emotional and a bit depressed. Going to hold off and hope to stabilize soon.  

 

Overall, about the same as after 25mg, better or worse, Blondiee?

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

About the same minus the headache is gone but more dp/dr.  I think can deal with this.  

[apace41]

8 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

About the same minus the headache is gone but more dp/dr.  I think can deal with this.  

 

I think that's a good sign.  Stay the course and hopefully, some of this will slowly lift.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

Thank you so much Andy.  Will stay the course.  Hope you are doing okay 

[Blondiee1915]

Day 2. Headache, dizzy, detached, fuzzy head, and just overall weird not present jittery but tired feeling.  Hanging in there.  On the positive I slept well last night.  

[apace41]

Just now, Blondiee1915 said:

Day 2. Headache, dizzy, detached, fuzzy head, and just overall weird not present jittery but tired feeling.  Hanging in there.  On the positive I slept well last night.  

 

As always, Blondiee, the question is, to the extent you can measure, how are you compared to yesterday?

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

I think a tiny bit better.  Yesterday I almost called out from work and came in late, today I went in without contemplating.  Still crappy but maybe one percent less crappy.  I think I will be okay.  

[apace41]

Each 1% helps.  

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

Day 3.  Slept good.  No headaches.  But fatigue today hit so badly.  I slept for 9 hours and can barely open my eyes at 7 am.  It reminded me a lot of my prior months of awful fatigue where I thought I had to leave my job.  I am feeling sleepy, disoriented, heavy headed with this brain fog.  It makes me think that some of the Luvox side effects can cause such terrible fatigue.  I am still going to stay at 15 mg for a few weeks and see what happens.  Glad it is Friday 😔

[apace41]

Better than yesterday?  Even with the fatigue? 

How is the dizziness?

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Blondiee1915]

Dizziness is the same.  I think today is a bit worse than yesterday with the fatigue.  Maybe it is hitting me a few days later.  I am not sure.  

[Blondiee1915]

Day 5.  Dizziness feels worse - woobly, disbalanced, light headed, spinning sensation.  Fatigue is still there and feels a bit worse.  Plus I now feel some nausea and the headache for the past two days and no appetite.  

 

Last night I went to bed and I slept so deeply, almost like a blackout.  I woke up this morning without remembering how and when I fell asleep.  If my house was on fire I would not have known it.  And strange dreams.

 

It is crazy how my body is responding to such a dose increase.  When I was on 15 mg of Luvox during summer or when I went from lexapro to Luvox 2 years ago seeking relief I did not have the same side effects as I do now. This is so strange and my poor brain keeps searching for an answer to why this is happening.    

 

I am doing my my best to remain positive and hoping these symptoms will get better in time.  

 

Nervous about going to work tomorrow feeling the way I do, but I will take it a step at a time. I guess it is still too early to get stabilized.  

 

 

[Blondiee1915]

Finally the headaches subsided (I am on day 11 of updose to 15mg from 10mg).  However,  I am feeling increase in anxiety and had to resort to Xanax this week once a day on Wednesday, Thursday and today half of 0.25.  I am scared the increase triggered anxiety and I don’t know what to do.  

 

I did have major panic/anxiety prior to increase to 15mg in the am and I think some of it can be attributed to my thyroid med.  I don’t know if I should try to decrease my thyroid med and see if I am feeling better.  My thyroid was on the hypo side but not too terrible so maybe the added hormone triggered my anxiety I’m not sure.  

 

Out if desperation I called my doctor and she suggested to increase Luvox to 25 and that it should help with panic and anxiety and told me to take Xanax in the morning for now so that I can function at work.  

 

My current symptoms which feel like they increase in intensity include anxiety, am and noon, dizziness, disbalance, lightheaded feeling,  feeling of weakness and faint like, dp/dr, depression, gloom/doom, agoraphobia, and fatigue/tiredness.  Severe drowsiness after Xanax. 

 

I don’t know what to do.  Do I continue to hold at 15 Luvox or should I increase? I don’t want to take Xanax but it helps with intense panic but leaves me so drowsy and out of it.  I am at this point where I might have to ask for some time off from work bc I am barely functioning.  

 

Any insight is greatly appreciated.  I am just feeling at a loss here 😳 12 years on drugs maybe my brain cannot function by itself now