Blondiee1915: 3 months off lexapro - does it get better?

[Blondiee1915]

Hi bubble, thank you for your input. I did not CT though I did taper fast though within a month. I am trying to function and be gentle and accepting but it is so difficult I am not sure I can continue on like this for 4 months . I honestly don't know what to do I am constantly debating with myself trying another medication . Lexapro causes so much fatigue and I don't like how I feel on it :/ I think it stopped being effective sometime last year

[Blondiee1915]

2 weeks at 5 mg of lexapro and I am still not back at functioning.  I am functioning slightly, just getting by.

 

 \I started noticing another new symptom - my eyes are extremely tired, feel heavy, almost like pressure there and even burn.  My vision gets blurry at night which causes my anxiety to increase. I read online that it could be anxiety since we have some nerve muscles there.  I still hear ringing in my ears.  I feel pressure in my head and my head feels heavy.  Am I depressed?  I do not feel sad, I actually do not feel emotions,  they are not back yet.  Dizziness and disbalance are overwhelming and fatigue comes and goes.  The only good thing that reinstatement helped with is the intense fear and intense DP/DR.  

 

I am very confused now.  I am trying to differentiate between which symptom is attributed towards my anxiety, which symptom relates to lexapro, and am I still experiencing withdrawal symptoms since I re-introduced lexapro back in my system?  Did I become allergic/immune to lexapro?  Am I permanently broken?  Did I stop healing since I am back on lexapro?   

 

Any input much appreciated 

 

B.

[scallywag]

Please read this topic: How long to stabilize after reinstating or updosing

[Frogie]

Hi Blondiee:

 

I saw on Catnapt's post you weren't having a good day.

 

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[bubble]

This is all very typical for WD.

 

When it comes to WD 2 weeks is actually early days. It's hard to live through that and when we struggle time seems longer but for WD it isn't.

 

I had a different history and it took me 4 months to feel significantly better. That doesn't mean that things will be consistently bad as they are today. It's windows and waves, ups and downs, some symptoms improving, others surfacing but the baseline still very gradually improving.

 

It also takes time to begin having faith in the process and accepting it.

[Blondiee1915]

Thank you everyone for your feedback.  I really appreciate it. 

 

Bubble, I am having a very hard time accepting that I am actually healing and having faith.  It is so difficult when I just do not feel good and can not do things I enjoy doing.  I am terrified that due to fear and avoidance I am digging myself into a bigger hole.  

 

I have my exam in few days and I am waiting until I take it to see if I feel better after.  Perhaps the stress of it and constant studying is adding to my symptoms. 

 

I am also fearful that I am just anxious and panicky by nature and the meds made it worse and now I cannot be without them and this is the reality.  Feeling stuck. 

[Happy2Heal]

2 weeks at 5 mg of lexapro and I am still not back at functioning.  I am functioning slightly, just getting by.

 

 \I started noticing another new symptom - my eyes are extremely tired, feel heavy, almost like pressure there and even burn.  My vision gets blurry at night which causes my anxiety to increase. I read online that it could be anxiety since we have some nerve muscles there.  I still hear ringing in my ears.  I feel pressure in my head and my head feels heavy.  Am I depressed?  I do not feel sad, I actually do not feel emotions,  they are not back yet.  Dizziness and disbalance are overwhelming and fatigue comes and goes.  The only good thing that reinstatement helped with is the intense fear and intense DP/DR.  

 

I am very confused now.  I am trying to differentiate between which symptom is attributed towards my anxiety, which symptom relates to lexapro, and am I still experiencing withdrawal symptoms since I re-introduced lexapro back in my system?  Did I become allergic/immune to lexapro?  Am I permanently broken?  Did I stop healing since I am back on lexapro?   

 

Any input much appreciated 

 

B.

 

 

Hi Blondie

I understand your concern completely. I was in the same spot as you are just a few weeks ago

I reinstated on Oct 26 and am I just now back to as close to normal as I think I'll get in withdrawal. My emotions have not returned, and my sleep is still bad, but most of the time I feel fairly well, esp compared to 4 weeks ago.

 

I have to say, each day that went by, at least one symptom improved or went away.  For the most part, each day was better than the day before.

 

You have been gradually getting better too. I know, it's so hard to wait with so many uncomfortable symptoms but you ARE healing.

 

 

I have blurry vision too, and when I am nervous, or stressed, it gets worse. Its a WD symptom for sure, but a lot of things get worse when we're stressed, even if we are not in withdrawal.

 

you are not broken. you are going to get better.  Your brain is doing a lot of work to get you there. It's just a bit overwhelmed with having to deal with work and studying and healing from the chemical stuff from the drug.

but it's working overtime to get you to where you want to be.

 

I promise it is.

[Happy2Heal]

 

 

 

I am also fearful that I am just anxious and panicky by nature and the meds made it worse and now I cannot be without them and this is the reality.  Feeling stuck. 

 

 

I always thought of myself as a "very emotional person". Guess what? what we TELL ourselves we are, is what we become

 

You are not your feelings. You may have a lot of anxiety or feel panicky but those are just feelings. You can find other ways to deal with these feelings, in fact you'll need to as you go thru withdrawal.

I am finding out that the other ways to deal with intense feelings work BETTER than the damn drugs. And no bad side effects!

 

there are good side effects though. Learning to mediate/relax myself and be mindful, etc, is making me a calmer person all around.

I have actually never been as calm as I am now.

 

I do have some anxious FEELINGS pop up from time to time BUT I do not panic when that happens.

I tell myself it's just a feeling, it will pass.

It always does.

Pretend it's a cloud in the sky and just let it go.

Don't give it more power by getting nervous about being nervous.

 

You can do this!! you have come so far.

Keep going, you are almost to where you want to be.

[Blondiee1915]

Thank you Cat, I really hope I am healing . The other thing I forgot to mention is that when I was on lexapro at 10 mg last year I did not feel good either . I still had apathy and anxiety and fatigue . So now I am getting these feelings again. what I am trying to say is that I could be experiencing lexapro side effects with this 5 mg and it will not get better bc being on 10 mg last year I felt like I do now just a bit better but still crappy . I am trying to remember when I felt OK on lexapro and I just can't .

[Happy2Heal]

Thank you Cat, I really hope I am healing . The other thing I forgot to mention is that when I was on lexapro at 10 mg last year I did not feel good either . I still had apathy and anxiety and fatigue . So now I am getting these feelings again. what I am trying to say is that I could be experiencing lexapro side effects with this 5 mg and it will not get better bc being on 10 mg last year I felt like I do now just a bit better but still crappy . I am trying to remember when I felt OK on lexapro and I just can't .

 

 

OK so you didn't feel good on 10mgs of lexapro.

(I can pretty much bet that you would not feel better on a higher dose of lexapro :/)

 

you don't feel good on 5mgs of lexapro

 

so, does it matter if you are having side effects or withdrawal symptoms? Probably not, right? what would that change? you're not going to increase your dose, that wouldn't make any sense.

it's too soon in RI to think about tapering, I think, right?

 

 I am having both WD symptoms and I have lexapro side effects (the yawn, the ringing in my ears, the no feelings/apathy etc)

but when I am totally off lexapro, I will get my feelings back etc.

 

so we have that to look forward to, no more side effects.

[Frogie]

Thank you Cat, I really hope I am healing . The other thing I forgot to mention is that when I was on lexapro at 10 mg last year I did not feel good either . I still had apathy and anxiety and fatigue . So now I am getting these feelings again. what I am trying to say is that I could be experiencing lexapro side effects with this 5 mg and it will not get better bc being on 10 mg last year I felt like I do now just a bit better but still crappy . I am trying to remember when I felt OK on lexapro and I just can't .

Hi Blondiee:

 

When you were on 10 Lexapro, did you have a lot of nausea?

 

I wake up almost every morning nauseous.

 

Thanks,

Frogie xx

[Blondiee1915]

Froggie, I did not have nausea . I had a bit of nausea each time I started lexapro but then it went away. I also had am nausea few years back and that was due to anxiety . I went to see homeopathic doctor and was prescribed some sort of natural remedy and it helped with nausea .

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Cat, thank you for your post . It is true though if I am feeling crappy bc of med or withdrawal it should not really matter bc ultimately I want to be medicine free .

 

I am struggling for the past few days. Fatigue and dizziness . Today at work I am experiencing intense headaches . I do not know how much of this I can take. I wish I had a day where I felt somewhat ok a window . Maybe soon .

[Frogie]

Thanks for answering my question.
I'm so tired of the nausea I wish I knew what to do.
If you could remember what they gave you could you let me know?
I would really appreciate it
Hope you are feeling better!

Take care,
Frogie xx

[Happy2Heal]

Hi Cat, thank you for your post . It is true though if I am feeling crappy bc of med or withdrawal it should not really matter bc ultimately I want to be medicine free .

 

I am struggling for the past few days. Fatigue and dizziness . Today at work I am experiencing intense headaches . I do not know how much of this I can take. I wish I had a day where I felt somewhat ok a window . Maybe soon .

 

 

oh I hope it's coming soon for you too!!

sucks to have head aches and have to work thru it.

 

you still have the dizziness? ick!

 

you are due for a break!!  I pray that you get one soon.

[Blondiee1915]

Thanks for answering my question.

I'm so tired of the nausea I wish I knew what to do.

If you could remember what they gave you could you let me know?

I would really appreciate it

Hope you are feeling better!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

I wish I could remember, but it was so long ago.  When I go visit my family for Christmas I will take a look in my old bedroom to see if I maybe have that pill bottle somewhere 

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Cat, thank you for your post . It is true though if I am feeling crappy bc of med or withdrawal it should not really matter bc ultimately I want to be medicine free .

 

I am struggling for the past few days. Fatigue and dizziness . Today at work I am experiencing intense headaches . I do not know how much of this I can take. I wish I had a day where I felt somewhat ok a window . Maybe soon .

 

 

oh I hope it's coming soon for you too!!

sucks to have head aches and have to work thru it.

 

you still have the dizziness? ick!

 

you are due for a break!!  I pray that you get one soon.

 

Thank you so much Cat.  I really hope I will get one too.  The dizziness is still here, wonder if it is my anxiety.  I am also noticing when I am at work I feel the symptoms more which makes me question if it is my underlying condition peeking through, who knows. 

[Frogie]

 

Thanks for answering my question.

I'm so tired of the nausea I wish I knew what to do.

If you could remember what they gave you could you let me know?

I would really appreciate it

Hope you are feeling better!

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

I wish I could remember, but it was so long ago.  When I go visit my family for Christmas I will take a look in my old bedroom to see if I maybe have that pill bottle somewhere

Ok I would really appreciate that.

 

Hope you feel better soon

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[flatrock]

Blondiee, I don't have any advice for you, I just want you to know that I feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

I was on Lexapro for about 3 months a little over a year ago and now I'm wondering if my current problems are related to that.

[Blondiee1915]

I wonder about that alot.  Reading about others' experiences keep me positive and hopeful for a window.  But I do wonder. When people experience a wave could it be the old underlying condition creeping back in?  PTSD, anxiety, depression yet we think it is withdrawal wave?  I guess it is helpful to think of it as a wave rather than the underlying issue.  It can be the withdrawal or both but who knows?  And maybe when there are windows and we think we are healing from the withdrawal/drug but it could be that we are simply adjusting and learning how to deal with life?  For instance, by exercising, eating healthy, sleeping enough, practicing mindfulness we are starting to feel better at times, but we feel better not necessarily because we are healing from the drug use but because we are doing these things which in turn help us.  It is most likely all intertwined and hard to differentiate between what is drug, what is "me".  If if could only measure our brain healing process or see the effect these medications on our brain and track it somehow it would be so helpful.  

 

I honestly do not know anymore.  I am so dizzy, exhausted, can't concentrate, emotions are gone (I just read someone's post how lack of emotion is a sign of major depression so now I am freaking out that I have it) I can not do things I would like to do I worry about going to work and making it through the day.  I am considering trying another medication being like this for another 2 months is too much.

 

B.

[Happy2Heal]

hi B,

 

you make some good points. the things we are doing to get thru WD also help with any issues we may have had that led us to taking these drugs in the first place

For me, it's pretty clear cut that most of my symptoms are WD because reinstating had such an immediate effect and I had not learned any of the coping methods at that point.

 

I think the things we are learning to deal with WD also help us to heal "over all" in a general sense, so they are all good things.

 

 

Dizziness is  both a side effect and a withdrawal symptom of lexapro. I had it so bad I kept falling over. (the first time I went off lexapro) I went to the dr many times, not knowing it was WD and they could find nothing physically wrong with me, although it was obvious that my balance was off, they had me walk in a straight line and I couldn't do it without falling over. They started to think I was drinking or taking drugs

 

 

Emotions being gone is both a symptom of WD AND a major side effect of lexapro and other ADs; when I went back on the low dose of lexapro, my emotions went away. Now I am flat again :/ and that is from the lexapro.

 

Even if a lack of emotions was from depression, there are other ways to deal with depression besides another drug, that would just add more side effects and possibly make the symptoms you  have now worse (I tried adding a tiny bit of klonopin and it was awful)

 

I surely understand wanting to take a pill to make this all go away, believe me.

but you are getting thru it!

 

you're doing incredibly well.

Try not to think too far ahead, don't think there's going to be 2 more months of this, you may turn a corner any day now. But either way, all you need to do is deal with what is happening right now.

[Blondiee1915]

Update a little over 2 weeks at 5 mg and I feel like I am doing worse than before . I am exhausted and SO dizzy I get confused and overwhelmed can't form sentences at times and my concentration is not there . I made an appointment to see my dr tomorrow and I am considering starting another medication as I am terrified of losing my job and ending up in the hospital . I am thinking about talking to my boss to see if I can take few days off any advice on how I can phrase this without sounding crazy ? Any feedback really appreciated ❤️

[Blondiee1915]

Had my visit last night and my dr suggested switching to brand to see if that helps . I made a switch last night . Woke up with some anxiety in the middle of the night but then fell asleep shortly after. Feel pretty much the same this am . Not sure if that will do anything

[Blondiee1915]

So overwhelmed by dizziness today and actually feel pretty tired today I think the change to brand feels different . I really wonder about my dizziness and if it is a symptom of the drug or anxiety and maybe depression ? I feel like I took a huge step back in my recovery but at the same time it is better than being on 15 mg last year so it is progress . I really hope I can stabilize on 5 mg of brand lexapro . I guess I will give it time and hope it works .

[PatriciaVP]

I am so sorry to hear of your continued suffering. You have been through so much, and have stayed strong day in and day out. You deserve a medal and so much more!

 

As I said to someone else, if words could relieve your suffering I'd write you an encyclopedia, but unfortunately they can't. I'll just share with you a lesson I've been learning lately in hopes it can bring some comfort.

 

Like you, I used to get caught up in contemplating the source of my distress. Withdrawal symptoms? Side effects? Original symptoms? It took a long time (over a year actually), but I have finally come to the point where it no longer matters. This process, terrible though it may be has turned me into someone else. Someone stronger, deeper and more stable than I ever thought possible. Original symptoms? Ha! They hold no power over me now.

 

I still have many symptoms. I wake up every morning sick to my stomach. Leaving the house takes monumental effort. I can't organize my mind enough to clean or balance my checkbook. Things that were once so easy for me still feel so overwhelming, but I know without a doubt this is all withdrawal and side effects which will, without a doubt pass as I continue to taper and heal.

 

The same is true for you. We are all becoming better, stronger, greater. How can we not? Just hang in there. Give yourself time, love and much deserved appreciation. You are an overcomer. Never stop believing that!

 

Peace, love and healing.

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Patricia, 

 

Thank you so much for the kind words.  It made me feel better.  You are absolutely correct.  This is what I do, I look at all the signs and symptoms and try to pin point what is attributable to what.  I am going to try to accept it.  But easier said than done.

 

I get worked up over why I am not normal.  I just want to live my life, go out, travel, date, get married have children and I feel like at this point it is impossible.  If I am going to withdraw it appears that my suffering will be unavoidable and who knows for how long.  And how can I try to live a social life and all that I have no idea.  My agoraphobia is so intense I stopped going to the gym, the mall, travel.  I do not do anything anymore and I am still young.  I really wish I never started these meds and perhaps my life would have been much different...  sorry for being so pessimistic.  I do not understand why doctors do not try therapy and some life changing strategies (diet, exercise) before prescribing.  I had such a perfect life i suffered a few panic attacks and few days later I was placed on lexapro within the month I got to 20 mg.  

 

Anyways, thank you again for your kind words.  It is comforting knowing that accepting can bring peace and relief.  I hope you are doing okay <3

[Blondiee1915]

Update: 4 days since changing to brand lexapro (5 mg).  

 

Positives: intense fear is gone, severe DP/DR gone as well, sleep well through the night

 

Negatives: noticing fatigue & tiredness, falling asleep so early and difficulty waking up, it is like paralyzed sleep. Most annoying symptom now (certain it is medication) lightheaded and feeling of fainting - this adds to my anxiety and fear.  At night blurry vision, and the feeling of surreal is scary.  Agoraphobia 

 

Hoping for the best 

[LexAnger]

Pretty much like what I got from the drug reaction from dose increase, which has been following me all the time since.

[Blondiee1915]

Hi LexAnger, this is so frustrating . I hope some of th side effects from the med subside soon . Zero motivation to do anything . How are you doing with the decrease in the dose ?

[PatriciaVP]

Hi Patricia, 

 

Thank you so much for the kind words.  It made me feel better.  You are absolutely correct.  This is what I do, I look at all the signs and symptoms and try to pin point what is attributable to what.  I am going to try to accept it.  But easier said than done.

 

I get worked up over why I am not normal.  I just want to live my life, go out, travel, date, get married have children and I feel like at this point it is impossible.  If I am going to withdraw it appears that my suffering will be unavoidable and who knows for how long.  And how can I try to live a social life and all that I have no idea.  My agoraphobia is so intense I stopped going to the gym, the mall, travel.  I do not do anything anymore and I am still young.  I really wish I never started these meds and perhaps my life would have been much different...  sorry for being so pessimistic.  I do not understand why doctors do not try therapy and some life changing strategies (diet, exercise) before prescribing.  I had such a perfect life i suffered a few panic attacks and few days later I was placed on lexapro within the month I got to 20 mg.  

 

Anyways, thank you again for your kind words.  It is comforting knowing that accepting can bring peace and relief.  I hope you are doing okay <3

I know what you mean. The feeling that life is rushing by you leaving you in the dust. Everyone else is getting married, having children, enjoying their work and social lives. Everyone else seems so happy. One thing I've learned as I've learned as I've gotten older is that this is largely a facade. Most people aren't happy even if they've gotten everything they wanted. Sometimes especially if they've gotten everything they've wanted. I've learned the hard way that true peace and joy comes in the darkness when we are alone - when we can see the beauty in NOT getting everything we want. There's a certain peace in going without.

 

I have to agree with you that it wound be nice if doctors would at least try alternative treatments before pushing poison on us, but unfortunately, I don't think it would really matter. As long as the medications are there in the background even as just a fall back option, I'm afraid alternatives will never be given a real chance. It's just too easy to see them as a failure long before they've really been given enough time. In our hurry to "just make the pain stop", we and the people "helping" us will jump to the meds every time.

 

That's one reason why I've learned to accept the pain now- even embrace it. Attempts to escape it are what put me where I am now. I believe moving in the opposite direction is the only way out.

[Chicago77]

Hello from one Lex survivor(or I should say trying to survive  ) to another. This is by far the hardest thing I've gone through and I'm like you Blondiee where I have to work. It's been the toughest thing for me. Everyday is a challenge to get through the work day. My lack of focus and concentration is so bad sometimes that I'm surprised I haven't been fired yet. The fatigue too is terrible! I always describe it as an elephant on my back or weights in my shoes. No matter how tired I am though, I can't sleep. I have this overwhelming heaviness feeling all the time. Super sore too. I used to go to spin class 3 times a week and now I can't exercise, but my muscles are so tense and sore it feel like I have. lol

[Blondiee1915]

 

Hi Patricia, 

 

Thank you so much for the kind words.  It made me feel better.  You are absolutely correct.  This is what I do, I look at all the signs and symptoms and try to pin point what is attributable to what.  I am going to try to accept it.  But easier said than done.

 

I get worked up over why I am not normal.  I just want to live my life, go out, travel, date, get married have children and I feel like at this point it is impossible.  If I am going to withdraw it appears that my suffering will be unavoidable and who knows for how long.  And how can I try to live a social life and all that I have no idea.  My agoraphobia is so intense I stopped going to the gym, the mall, travel.  I do not do anything anymore and I am still young.  I really wish I never started these meds and perhaps my life would have been much different...  sorry for being so pessimistic.  I do not understand why doctors do not try therapy and some life changing strategies (diet, exercise) before prescribing.  I had such a perfect life i suffered a few panic attacks and few days later I was placed on lexapro within the month I got to 20 mg.  

 

Anyways, thank you again for your kind words.  It is comforting knowing that accepting can bring peace and relief.  I hope you are doing okay <3

I know what you mean. The feeling that life is rushing by you leaving you in the dust. Everyone else is getting married, having children, enjoying their work and social lives. Everyone else seems so happy. One thing I've learned as I've learned as I've gotten older is that this is largely a facade. Most people aren't happy even if they've gotten everything they wanted. Sometimes especially if they've gotten everything they've wanted. I've learned the hard way that true peace and joy comes in the darkness when we are alone - when we can see the beauty in NOT getting everything we want. There's a certain peace in going without.

 

I have to agree with you that it wound be nice if doctors would at least try alternative treatments before pushing poison on us, but unfortunately, I don't think it would really matter. As long as the medications are there in the background even as just a fall back option, I'm afraid alternatives will never be given a real chance. It's just too easy to see them as a failure long before they've really been given enough time. In our hurry to "just make the pain stop", we and the people "helping" us will jump to the meds every time.

 

That's one reason why I've learned to accept the pain now- even embrace it. Attempts to escape it are what put me where I am now. I believe moving in the opposite direction is the only way out.

 

Yes, very true also.  I started appreciating the smallest things.  Like being able to go for a walk and not to feel a panic attack.  Sometimes I get this feeling of "it will be okay and I will feel better" inside of me and I cherish that.  And I guess it is true what does not kill you makes you stronger.... I do feel strong at times but at times I do not (actually a lot of times I do not).  I have to work on acceptance and moving forward but I am stuck on what is wrong and how I can fix it and what I should take and so forth... 

 

Once I feel a bit better I want to start doing yoga again.  At this point it seems impossible but I really hope soon enough I can get myself to the studio.  

 

I just really hope and pray I can feel better.  I hope my brain can still heal at 5 mg.  I am terrified of getting worse. 

[Blondiee1915]

Hello from one Lex survivor(or I should say trying to survive  ) to another. This is by far the hardest thing I've gone through and I'm like you Blondiee where I have to work. It's been the toughest thing for me. Everyday is a challenge to get through the work day. My lack of focus and concentration is so bad sometimes that I'm surprised I haven't been fired yet. The fatigue too is terrible! I always describe it as an elephant on my back or weights in my shoes. No matter how tired I am though, I can't sleep. I have this overwhelming heaviness feeling all the time. Super sore too. I used to go to spin class 3 times a week and now I can't exercise, but my muscles are so tense and sore it feel like I have. lol

Hi! so sorry you have to go through this.  I agree, this is the most difficult thing to go through.  I am glad you can relate and we are not alone in this.  I never had fatigue until I was put on lexapro, this is terrible.  And yes, going to work and getting through the day is a challenge.  I cannot have coffee because I am scarred to get an anxiety attack but at the same time I am tired, really sucks.  I actually can sleep alot, but when I was off lexapro I started experiencing insomnia and it went away after I reinstated.  So maybe your symptom is due to withdrawal too?  Lack of concentration and brain fog also hard, my computer screen at work is in swimming mode, I have to blink alot and reread emails just to make sure I did not miss anything or typed something wrong.  This is all so crazy, can it be from medication?  The scariest symptom for me was the intense detachment/depersonalization so scary, I had to reinstate.  I saw that you are lex free since March 2016, that is amazing!  You should feel accomplished being off for that long.  Do you have any good days at all?

 

B. 

[LexAnger]

Hi B,

 

I have been pushing through the doses with a rather fast tapering as you can see from my signature. Struggling all these years to know what is from Wd and what from side effects is my constant puzzle to guess around. But ever since the drug reaction from dose increases (couple times but getting real severe the last one in August. 2015), so I had to reduce very often with tiny drops ( like 1%, the max I can bear on the Wd side).

DR and brain dead has been the most disabling symptoms to work, a line of email can take me quite a while to complete, talking in meetings is the most worrisome challenge as my brain on and off in completely random time frame. Getting work done can be extremely difficult or impossible most times. I try to do work any time of the day and any day when I feel able to catch up. I'm very fortunate I have a highly functional team and they deliver all the solid pieces with minimal supervision, and I work from home most days with flexible hours.

 

To take disability leave has been on my mind constantly in the past year but I tried to hang on as long as possible.

I so believe my original taper was not bad at all if not being messed up by the updosing

 

Even my dose is qypuite low now, it's still very difficult or the most difficult so far with severe brain non functional, as I hoped from others experience that at this low dosage one should feel the drug is losing its evil power.

[PatriciaVP]

I sense a bit more peacefulness in you. Your ability to appreciate the small positive moments is amazing. You have grown so much already. You might not see it, but others do.

 

In the midst of this torment and turmoil, you are becoming a very impressive young woman. Thanks for being such an inspiration.

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Patricia - thank you for wonderful words. I hope there is some peace in me. At times I fee like I am can't hold it together and it is so scary. I was thinking on the way to work how I appear totally put together even confident but inside it is another story . I guess fake it u til you make it as they say. Worried about fatigue .