Gridley

[Kristine]

Dearest Gridley, I was so sorry to read about your loss. Your dog was obviously full of spirit despite her challenges and I loved reading about how wonderfully you cared for her. It is never easy loosing a pet because they are part of the family. I hope you are coping the best that you can. Thinking of you, much love, K xo

[Gridley]

@Kristine Thank you so much for your sweet note, Kristine.  Yes, she was full of spirit and quite the rascal. I loved taking care of her.  Much love, Gridley

 

[Gridley]

@Kristine Thank you so much for your sweet note, Kristine.  Yes, she was full of spirit and quite the rascal. I loved taking care of her.  Much love, Gridley

 

[Gridley]

I'm feeling pretty good coming off my two-week hold, definitely better than when I went into it.  Amazing considering the shock of Chiqui's passing away. So the hold definitely helps.  Now I'll continue tapering, which at this point is amounting to a drop of 0.1mg Lexapro each week.

We'll see if symptoms increase as I drop for the next four weeks.  The plan is once the Lexapro taper is done (quite a ways off still) I will rest a bit then move on to getting off the Lorazepam.

 

It'll be a quiet day up here on the mountain.  The distant peaks below are covered with clouds, very pretty.

 

Thanks to all of you who wrote in about Chiqui

Edited May 24, 2019 by Gridley

[Gridley]

Whenever I see this reminder elsewhere it always helps me, so I''ll post it here:

 

 

                                                     Be kind to yourself.

[Carmie]

Dear Gridley, 

 

I’m so sorry about your loss, sending lots of hugs🤗🤗🤗

[Frogie]

13 hours ago, Gridley said:

Whenever I see this reminder elsewhere it always helps me, so I''ll post it here:

 

 

                                                     Be kind to yourself.

I like that! I’ll have to remember it.

 

Thanks Gridley. Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[JackieDecides]

13 hours ago, Gridley said:

 Be kind to yourself.

 

❤️

 

I need that reminder all the time, thank you.

[Gridley]

2 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

I’m so sorry about your loss, sending lots of hugs🤗🤗🤗

Carrie, thanks for writing in.  She was a sweetie-pie.

[LaughingKat]

@Gridley, I'm sending you my best wishes for peace and sweet memories. My condolences on the loss of your pup. It is so hard to lose these sweet innocent creatures, who depend on us and give us unconditional love. 

 

 

[Gridley]

48 minutes ago, LaughingKat said:

@Gridley, I'm sending you my best wishes for peace and sweet memories. My condolences on the loss of your pup. It is so hard to lose these sweet innocent creatures, who depend on us and give us unconditional love. 

 

 

 

LaughingKat, it is very nice of you to write.  I have such sweet memories.  You are so right about their innocence.and dependence.  They bring out the best in us.  I hope you are doing well.

[Rabe]

Im so sad to read about Chiqui, Gridley!  You were gifts to each other...she was so fortunate to have you to care for her as you did...and Im sure she gave so much in return!  She will be in your heart with lots of memories to cherish!  Take care Gridley!💜

[Gridley]

6 hours ago, Rabe said:

Im so sad to read about Chiqui, Gridley!

 

Rabe, thank you so much for writing.  It means a lot.  Yes, she was a gift.  We were her fourth owner but we were the keepers!  We had her two years and two months, and caring for her was a joy to me.  Many sweet memories.  I hope you have a good day today, Rabe.  Thank you again.

[Carmie]

Hi Gridley, 

 

Thanks for popping over to my thread.  How have you been doing since your last drop? 

 

Again, I’m very sorry about your loss. We get so attached to our animals, don’t we? They have such a special place in our heart. I’m sure Chiqui enjoyed his time with you, as you are such a caring person. He was very fortunate to have you as his owner. 

 

Enjoy your mountains🏞. It must be very beautiful where you live. 

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

[Gridley]

On 6/1/2019 at 6:50 PM, Carmie said:

 

Again, I’m very sorry about your loss.

 

Carmie, thanks for checking in.  Yes, we loved her dearly and since she was blind we were very involved in her care.  We have two other rescues from the street, Yapa, a Corgi mix, and Humphrey, a Pekinese mix.  Tomorrow morning we'll drive to Cuenca, a city 5 hours away, to see the vet we trust for teeth cleaning and checkup.

 

Since you love nature, you would like it here.  The mountains are several shade of green and dotted with grazing cattle.  In the pasture below are our two burros (donkeys), Josephine and Jasmine, who love carrots and broccoli.  

 

Gridley

[Gridley]

Those SERT curves are definitely accurate in my case.  Since I hit the mid-3s, my symptoms have ramped up a bit, still tolerable but increased for sure.  Brassmonkey wrote that this is common from 3 to 1mg.  Now I'm at 2.5 and plan to continue the Brassmonkey slide, but will hold longer if I need to.  During the two-week regular hold I notice my symptoms slack off.  So all is well if not altogether comfortable.

 

Hope and healing to all of you.

 

Gridley

[mdwstrx]

Hi Gridley.

Congrats on getting to 2.5mg!  That's where my doctor advised me to stop sadly.  So long story, currently at 5.5 mg.  (moral of the story here is don't stop at 2.5 - not that you would  )

 

Anyway, I just started the BrassMonkey slide, holding for scheduled two weeks.  I did fine for the first 3 cuts but noticed an uptick on the 3rd.  So much so that you advised me to hold a couple days if not more.  I did and symptoms abated. However, the next and 4th cut really hit me hard with barely tolerable symptoms so I am really holding indefinitely until they resolve.  Did you ever have this happen?   In your case, is there a noticeable symptom increase with each cut of the month as if they are building.  In other words, do your symptoms get worse by the 3rd and 4th cut?

 

Before when I'd tapered successfully to 2.5 mg.,  Symptoms were largely hot flushing and crying at the drop of a hat, it seemed.  Otherwise I was good.  I held at 2.5 mg for 2.5 months before stopping.  Isn't hindsight 20/20?  If only... 

 

I also want to say I'm sorry about the loss of your Chiqui. I live alone now that kids are grown and my little dog is my companion.  Our animals bring us much joy.

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, mdwstrx said:

Did you ever have this happen?   In your case, is there a noticeable symptom increase with each cut of the month as if they are building.  In other words, do your symptoms get worse by the 3rd and 4th cut?

 

 

Yes, by the third and fourth cut the symptoms do seem to increase and I'm looking forward to the 2-week hold.  So the symptoms do seem to be building.  It's not gotten really bad often, but a few weeks back I did hold an extra week on top of the usual two weeks.

 

That's a good idea, to hold until the symptoms resolve.  Tolerable symptoms are okay, but barely tolerable calls for a hold.  

 

Thanks for your kind words about Chiqui.  She left a big hole. I'm glad you have a little furry friend.

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you, Gridley.  Hope all is well on the mountain.  -Rosetta

[Gridley]

14 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Thinking of you, Gridley. 

Thanks for dropping by, Rosetta.  Quiet on the mountain, a little drizzle, paramo as they call it in Spanish, a pretty word.  We just got back from a visit to the big city, Cuenca, to take the pups for a checkup and teeth cleaning.  Though I initially dreaded the trip, the distraction did me good.  Happy to be home.  

 

((((((((hugs to you)))))) and healing

[Rosetta]

Paramo.  That is a nice word.  The Spanish language is beautiful.  My husband is fluent.  We are going to Spain in September for four months.  I have been for immersion in Mexico, and I hear Spanish frequently, but I don't understand much.  I'm trying to learn as much as I can before we go and give my daughter a leg up by teaching her with picture cards and videos this Summer.  She will be in school over there, and I would like it to be as easy as possible for her.  She reads very well in English, and she was taught through phonics thank goodness.  So, I'm hoping that teaching her to read Spanish via phonics will make the transition easier.  

 

I'm really glad to hear that your long trip to the vet was a good one.  A nice distraction!  That is a sure sign of healing that you feel that way about it.  The feeling of dread about an upcoming event or activity is a constant, but to have that premonition proved to have been wrong time and again builds confidence that the future will be brighter.  Someday we can look forward to adventures again, Gridley!  I used to make annoying chores into adventures by adding diversions.  It drove my husband nuts.  Now that I am becoming more myself again he is laughing at the fact that old traits that annoyed him are emerging, too.  He's been missing my old personality for a very long time, and he chuckles when an old trait he had forgotten about returns.  Maybe your wife can relate.  I can't act on these proclivities yet as I don't have the energy, but someday.I

 

Wishing you further healing and future adventures, my friend.  I hope to see South America someday, and stand on a mountain there.  When I do, I will think of you.

I

All my love,

Rosetta

[Gridley]

5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

We are going to Spain in September for four months.

 

Rosetta,

 

That will be such a great experience for your daughter, plus the gift of a new language.  I hope you will find it a good distraction.  You are a good mother to care so much about her language skills and giving her a head start for when she's over there.

 

We both taught adult English as a Second Language when we lived in L.A.  What a great job!  The students were so diligent, slogging to night class after a day of work to wrestle with good cheer with the illogic of the English language.  Ten years later I'm still in contact with one student who emails me with questions about strange English idioms he encounters.  But budget cuts ended that idyll and sent us to Ecuador.  My wife is fluent (I'm decent) and she teaches a Spanish class down in the village to fellow expats.  I love language but don't at present have the energy to advance in my Spanish, though I love attempting jokes in Spanish and having them understood and even laughed at.  My absurdist humor had departed for a long time but seems to be returning.

 

I do look forward to adventures again, and we will have them.  It's great news that your old traits are returning and that you husband likes it.  

 

You are a great boon to this site (I hope that doesn't embarrass you) and your hard-won wisdom is apparent in all your posts (yes, even the low-ebb ones).

 

All my love, too,

Gridley

[Rosetta]

That 's very kind of you to say, Gridley.  I'm getting better and so are many others.  I love to see the success stories pop.  I don't feel inspired to write in much detail to those who are suffering because I know that only time will heal them.  We are all extremely lucky that time is all that we need.  To those who are suffering greatly that is very cold comfort.  I do believe that simply being there for someone is useful.  So, I try to do that.  I hope that writing in detail about what is happening to me as I heal will someday make a difference.  It could show the doctors, psychologists, and researchers that prescribing more drugs, chasing symptoms, and diagnosing every new symptom as a psychiatric disorder is wrong, dangerous and deadly.  To me, it is so obvious that my symptoms are iatrogenic in origin, and that they have been for 18 years.  It's horrifying that neither I nor my husband could see that until after I quit.  In fact, it took this website to make us seriously consider that possibility although we suspected and that is why I quit.  Of course, that was the wrong move and compounded my problems.  But the realization that the drugs were the cause of my symptoms and the absence of the drugs increased the severity of the symptoms also saved my life.  Ultimately, understanding that reinstatement was too risky for me and other drugs would cause even more harm - that saved me.  To know why I was so ill, and that there was a solution however long and painful the journey might be helped me stay here to heal.  So, thank you, Gridley, and Alto, and all the others who give of themselves to keep this beacon shining.  You are saving lives, marriages, and helping children to have their parents back as well as parents to have their children back.  It's really something I hope is recognized with some sort of international prize someday.  

[Carmie]

On 6/6/2019 at 6:29 AM, Gridley said:

 

Carmie, thanks for checking in.  Yes, we loved her dearly and since she was blind we were very involved in her care.  We have two other rescues from the street, Yapa, a Corgi mix, and Humphrey, a Pekinese mix.  Tomorrow morning we'll drive to Cuenca, a city 5 hours away, to see the vet we trust for teeth cleaning and checkup.

 

Since you love nature, you would like it here.  The mountains are several shade of green and dotted with grazing cattle.  In the pasture below are our two burros (donkeys), Josephine and Jasmine, who love carrots and broccoli.  

 

Gridley

 

Hi Gridley, 

 

How are Yapa and Humphrey doing?🐕🐕 I’m sure where you live is spectacular and the drive to Cuenca would have been lovely. I would have taken a million photos. I always laugh with my non photoholic friends that they should put me in their suitcase and take me on their holidays so I can take all the photos for them. 📸📸😁 I particularly love taking nature photos. 

 

How lovely you have donkeys. I lived in Spain for a short while, and there were donkeys in one of the small villages too. If I was at your place I’d be chasing your donkeys with my camera.🤣

 

Take care, sending hugs🤗

[Gridley]

15 hours ago, Carmie said:

How are Yapa and Humphrey doing?

 

I'm happy to say that Yapa and Humphrey are doing pretty well.  We just this morning got the vet's report.  Yapa, as is often the case with Corgis, is overweight, and the vet said she must slim down, so I need to take on walks down the mountain.  Humphrey has an incipient bladder stone, just sediment at this point, and we need to make sure he drinks a lot, plus we have have to give him a mixture of olive oil and chamomile tea, which he may not like.  They're both very sweet and love to play with each other.  Humphrey is bigger but Yapa generally manages to wind up on top in their tussles.

 

Yes, the drive to Cuenca is very pretty, lots of very steep peaks and deep valleys.  It's amazing they managed to build a road there.

 

We don't have to chase the donkeys, they come right to us.  We just make a noise, "ch-ch-ch-ch," and they come running to see if we have food. They have a good life, just eating and romping around.  Work isn't in their vocabulary.

 

I hope you're having a good day.  Your room sounds very acogedor, Spanish for cozy.

[Carmie]

I’m so happy to read about your animals Gridley, 

 

They sound much loved. Looks like you got to get Yapa moving. Yes, most corgis do look a little pudgy. Time to run down the hill Yapa!⛰🏃🏻‍♂️😁

 

I hope Humphrey’s stones get flushed out. It’s amazing how animals can get as many health problems as humans.

 

They must love living where you are and frolick in the outdoors.🌳 How lovely that the donkeys are pets too. Do the donkeys and dogs interact with each other? I’ve seen so many cute photos and videos of different kinds of animals becoming good friends with one another. 

 

Thanks for the Spanish word cozy. I used to speak a bit of Spanish when I lived in Spain but I stopped using it so I lost it. No hablo Espanol. I grew up speaking fluent German, but I’ve lost that too as I stopped using it. 

 

I loved reading that your humour is coming back. I’m all for having a good laugh. On Saturday a friend and I couldn’t stop laughing. You know when you start and you end up getting the giggles and can’t stop. I love that! It gets the endorphins going. 

 

How are you doing with your tapering?

 

Take care, sending hugs to you, and can you give Yapa and Humphrey a hug from me too. 🐕🐕🤗

 

P.s. What are your donkeys names?

[Gridley]

 

3 hours ago, Carmie said:

I’m so happy to read about your animals Gridley, 

 

 

For Humphrey's bladder we have to find chamomile flowers.  We can't use the tea.  Luckily, there's a Saturday and Sunday market where the locals sell herbs.

 

Josephine and Jasmine are the two donkeys.  Jasmine is tan and is very small for a donkey.  Josephine is brown.  We got girls because the males can be too hard to handle.  They'll get going running up and down the mountain.  It's funny to look out the window and see them tear past.  Dogs and donkeys don't get along at all, so when we walk I have to be sure Yapa and Humphrey are well leashed.

 

My taper is doing okay.  Ever since I hit the mid-3's I've had more symptoms, mostly insomnia and some anxiety and that old bugbear, anhedonia.  I'm doing the Brassmonkey slide, and I do notice I feel better during the two-week hold, which comes up next week and I'm looking forward to it.  

 

Hugs delivered to Yapa and Humphrey and hugs to you too, Carmie. Congratulations on getting so low on the Seroquel.  What great progress you are making!

[Carmie]

Hi Gridley, 

 

I’m coming over to ride Josephine and Jasmine.🤣🤣🤣 I’m glad your taper is going okay. We don’t know how we’ll be from one second to the next, do we?

 

Yes, the anhedonia definitely isn’t fun. With my last taper I was anhedonic most of the time, but with this taper so far I’m experiencing more joy. I really enjoyed the concert I went to recently, whereas the concert before that I was so numb. I make myself do the things I love, even if I can’t find the joy behind them. 

 

Speaking of things I love, a friend of mine messaged me to tell me she’s taking me to Australia Zoo in the next couple of weeks. Can’t wait! I want to see the meerkats again! They’re sooooo cute.😍It’s a great zoo, the animals have all got tons of room to frolick in. 

 

Enjoy those last two weeks holding. That’s when your brain is feeling the most stable. Yay!🎉 When I’m in windows like that, I always try and do a bit of organising etc so when the waves hit everything is easier to deal with. 

 

I’m still doing the cut and hold at the moment, but down the track I might do the brassmonkey slide too. I’m just taking a day at a time and making decisions as I go along. 

 

Have fun enjoying the beautiful nature around you. 🌳🌳💚

 

 

[Gridley]

I've had a persistent cold that has knocked me for a loop the past week. First time I've been sick (except for WD symptoms) in a while.   Luckily it's hit during my 2-week Brassmonkey taper hold, as my WD symptoms abate during the hold.  

[Frogie]

2 hours ago, Gridley said:

I've had a persistent cold that has knocked me for a loop the past week. First time I've been sick (except for WD symptoms) in a while.   Luckily it's hit during my 2-week Brassmonkey taper hold, as my WD symptoms abate during the hold.  

I hope you feel better soon so you can take your fur babies for a walk.

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[Rabe]

Take care of yourself, Gridley.  Hope you feel better soon!!💜

[Carmie]

Hi Gridley, 

 

How are you doing? Is your cold on the way out?💚

[Gridley]

8 hours ago, Carmie said:

How are you doing? Is your cold on the way out?

I'm doing much better, thanks.  I try to stay away from antibiotics as much as possible, and I've been treating it with some alternative stuff that seems to be working.  I may well be well but I'm continuing the treatment for a few more days.  

 

We took the dogs into town because Humphrey has conjunctivitis (what we used to call in my distant days of elementary school "pink eye.")  He needs drops and salve three times a day in both eyes. It used to be that an extra trip to town would stress me and send crank up my anxiety but either being on my regular two-week hold and getting down lower on Lexapro allowed me to stay calm.  It was nice seeing people in town.  The pueblo is only about 7 or 8 blocks square, so you see everybody as you make your way doing little errands.  We bought some avocdoes for guacamole, so that's my project for tomorrow.

 

I hope you're doing well and planning fun activities and enjoying your cozy place with all its treasures.

[Carmie]

4 hours ago, Gridley said:

I'm doing much better, thanks.  I try to stay away from antibiotics as much as possible, and I've been treating it with some alternative stuff that seems to be working.  I may well be well but I'm continuing the treatment for a few more days.  

 

We took the dogs into town because Humphrey has conjunctivitis (what we used to call in my distant days of elementary school "pink eye.")  He needs drops and salve three times a day in both eyes. It used to be that an extra trip to town would stress me and send crank up my anxiety but either being on my regular two-week hold and getting down lower on Lexapro allowed me to stay calm.  It was nice seeing people in town.  The pueblo is only about 7 or 8 blocks square, so you see everybody as you make your way doing little errands.  We bought some avocdoes for guacamole, so that's my project for tomorrow.

 

I hope you're doing well and planning fun activities and enjoying your cozy place with all its treasures.

 

Hi Gridley, 

 

Glad to hear you’re getting over your cold. Good on you for trying to stay away from antibiotics. I’ve always managed to kill any viruses and infections with olive leaf and/or coconut oil. 

 

Poor Humphrey, I hope his eyes are better soon. How does he go when you put the drops and the salve into his eyes? My cat freaks out every time I clip her nails, they get really long and get stuck on things. She’s getting a bit better and doesn’t struggle quite as much. 

 

I’m so happy to read that you went into town and you weren’t stressed about it. Good old extra holds.👍 You must know nearly everyone in town. When I was a teenager I lived in a small town in Spain for a while and everyone knew everyone too. 

 

Okay, if you’re making quacamole I’m definitely coming over!🥑🥑🥑😋🤤😁 I love avocado. Yummy!!

 

I haven’t got much planned for this weekend as I’ve been stuck in bed with CFS for a few days. I’m just taking an hour at a time. I love making plans for doing fun things though, even if I’m too sick to go. The planning in itself is fun. My anhedonia has lifted a little bit recently and I’m actually enjoying things. When it’s bad I’m so numb. Even in that state I still make myself do the things I would normally enjoy. 

 

Yes, today is a day in my cozy bedroom, though I will go out briefly to get some groceries,  and then it’s back to my bed. I might buy some avocados, you’ve got me craving them now.🤣

 

Take care💚

[Gridley]

I thought I was getting well from my cold (or whatever) but Wednesday I suddenly took a turn for the worse and now think based on symptoms that I have a sinus infection.  I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and it looks like antibiotics are in the offing.  Amoxicillin is the most commonly prescribed.  I hate to take an antibiotic but two weeks of treating with alternative remedies hasn't worked.  

 

I've just completed my 2-week Brassmonkey taper hold and will continue holding until I'm well.

 

 

Edited July 5, 2019 by Gridley

[Frogie]

1 hour ago, Gridley said:

I thought I was getting well from my cold (or whatever) but Wednesday I suddenly took a turn for the worse and now think based on symptoms that I have a sinus infection.  I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and it looks like antibiotics are in the offing.  Amoxicillin is the most commonly prescribed.  I hate to take an antibiotic but two weeks of treating with alternative remedies hasn't worked.  

 

I've just completed my 2-week Brassmonkey taper hold and will continue holding until I'm well.

 

 

I hope you feel better very soon.

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx