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Godiswithme

Godiswithme: I'm very scared

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Godiswithme

 

godiswithme-xanax-taper-after-cold-turkey-of-lexapro-and-abilify

 

It has been 8.5 weeks since I ct'd off 30 mgs of generic lexapro and 2mg of Abilify.  I was depressed because my father who lived with us had died and marriage was getting rocky from the stress.  I had been taking  the generic lexapro for 2 years. This doctor added Abilify in Jan '16. I trusted her.  I was depressed over life issues.  I have no previous mental health diagnosis other than some anxiety which I had taken Xanax over the past 5 years.  Most .5 three times per day. varied in usage - often less.

I quickly became dysfunctional and family doctor prescribed .5 Ativan twice per day or I would have died.  I have only become a bit more functional. but barely. I don't know what to do.  I am very scared.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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AliG

Hello Godiswithme.  I'm so sorry for what you have been through however I'm sure that we can help you.

 

To give us a fuller picture, would you mind filling out your drug history signature with drugs , dates , doses etc in the last few years so that we can see your history easily whenever you post.This will also help us to offer more concise advice for your particular situation.

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Are you wanting to taper off your drugs ?  If you are then you've come to the right place.  We can guide you in that direction safely.

Welcome to SA.

Ali

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Godiswithme

Hello AliG I cold turkeyed. I believe it is too late to reinstate. I think my life is over. Please please help me however you think you are able. I did fill out my history?

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Godiswithme

I have the worst anxiety I have ever felt. I don't know what to do. I take vitamin C and magnesium.

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Godiswithme

Is anyone out there? Please?

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jmncrr

godiswithme,

 

Hang on everything is going to be ok. You are going through withdrawal. One of the experts here will help you soon. You probably need to reinstate part of the doses you were taking for relief. Somebody with more experience here will give you a recommendation.

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Godiswithme

I'm terrified. I honestly feel like I am going to die. I can't imagine going back on this poison. So afraid of the possibility of it getting worse? I couldn't handle worse. I am barely holding on. I'm so sorry to sound like this.

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Godiswithme

Do I even have a chance at this lasting less than years?

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Godiswithme

How is this legal? This doctor destroyed me. I had no idea. How can this be legal? I have 2 teenage boys and a husband and I'm a vegetable.

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Godiswithme

Even if I taper from 1 mg, won't I be right back in hell? My symptoms are EXTREME anxiety and EXTREME depression. I seem to have skipped many of the acute side effects. I'm so confused.

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Godiswithme

I'm so sorry to sound like this. This isn't me. I was a self sufficient woman who was a little depressed. Thank you for the response.

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Junglechicken

Godiswithme - many of us were self-sufficient and functioning until we took these ADs.

 

Hang in there, we are all in the same boat.....it does get better.

 

Hugs,

JC

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AliG

Whether you reinstate or not it's possible to recover from this. I know it's scary right now but with a little help and guidance from us and some time and stabilization you can get through this.

 

Please read the links and fill in your drug history signature with your drugs , dates, doses , discontinuations and any reinstatements over the last 12 - 18 months.

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

This is your thread to ask questions , keep track of progress and stay in touch with the SA community.  Have a read of the links and come back with any questions you may have.

Ali

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Happy2Heal

Do I even have a chance at this lasting less than years?

hang on hon, and don't think that far ahead, you want to get thru today and just today, or just the next few minutes or hours

I was just where you are now, not even a week ago and did not think I could survive it, but so far, so good

 

I was off lexapro completely for 5 mos and just now reinstated at a super small dose of about 1/10th of a mg (I have the liquid and a 1cc oral syringe marked off in 1/10ths)

 

I literally took just 1/20th of a mg the first day, on the 26th and the difference in my anxiety level was dramatic and happened in just hours.

I am still not where I want to be, but that horrible anxiety and darkness are gone for the most part.

I know you don't want to be stuck on this drug, none of us do, but my decision to go back on a tiny dose was based on the fact that I was sure I could not survive the kind of anxiety and other symptoms I was having.

 

 

you can get thru this, we are here to help you. I can't give any advice, just share my story and support you on your journey but there may be things we have in common that may help each other

 

here is something that another member shared with me that has been a HUGE help

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicF.mp3
Edited by Altostrata
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Godiswithme

I can't see what the other member shared, Catnapt.

So, did you do a slow taper of Lexapro? I was on the generic version. I'm guessing that doesn't come in liquid? The doctor I saw is completely clueless. I handed over my entire life to her. Why? How could I do that?

Anyway, will I just be prolonging this unbearable agony by going back on a small dose? I appreciate you responding. I'm trying to hang on for the next few minutes. Like you said.

I don't know what to do. People are driving and working and I am a vegetable. Am I way worse off than most?

I can barely shower once per week. And that is with 2 .5 mg Ativan per day.

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Happy2Heal

I can't see what the other member shared, Catnapt.

So, did you do a slow taper of Lexapro? I was on the generic version. I'm guessing that doesn't come in liquid? The doctor I saw is completely clueless. I handed over my entire life to her. Why? How could I do that?

Anyway, will I just be prolonging this unbearable agony by going back on a small dose? I appreciate you responding. I'm trying to hang on for the next few minutes. Like you said.

I don't know what to do. People are driving and working and I am a vegetable. Am I way worse off than most?

I can barely shower once per week. And that is with 2 .5 mg Ativan per day.

 

 

hi Godiswithme

 

are you on a smart phone? I shared a link to an audio clip, let me try that again

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicF.mp3

 

 

I was on the generic of lexapro as well but a very high dose for a long time.

I tried to get off it several times, not knowing anything about tapering and all that, and it did not go well, and the drs convinced me I was relapsing and put me back on it

(actually one time I went off it, things got so bad, I begged a dr for the Rx of it!)

my last taper was too fast and ended abruptly- I am sure I would not be this bad off if I had gone slower. If I could turn back time, I would surely go a LOT slower! oh well, I seem destined to learn the hard way sometimes

 

 

anyway the generic DOES come in liquid, the liquid is a one mg per ml dilution. So if you were to take, for example only, 2mgs, you'd be taking 2mls (also called ccs) of the liquid

The good thing about the liquid is that you can literally take DROPS of it, if you are scared about what going back on it might do.

 

That's essentially what I have done, I drew up a half of one ml (or cc) into a small syringe and took that- and now, I am very glad I did that, because FOR ME, it worked.

 

Unfortunately no one here can tell you if this will work for you. It might, or might now, but if you do a tiny tiny dose like I did, you will be having a lower risk of things being worse.

They may also not get much better on  a tiny dose, but I was in  such bad shape, I think, that I noticed that it was a big change and a positive one for me.

yes I have a bit more nausea and no appetite, but believe me, compared to the intrusive thoughts and panic I had, that's nothing!

 

so you are not able to drive? is it due to anxiety? what is preventing you from showering? I"m not judging, please don't misunderstand, I"m just trying to get a picture of what your symptoms are etc

 

I can't address the ativan, someone else will hopefully be along to help you with that.

 

there's no point in trying to compare yourself to anyone else here, in terms of worse off or better off, etc. We all have our struggles and for each of us, they are difficult, and that's all we need to know.

I am sure that others have had similar symptoms, and maybe more or less but you can get thru it.

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ChessieCat

Hi GIWM,

 

So that we are able assist you we really need you to take a bit of time and complete your drug signature.  This way we will be able to make suggestions based on your individual situation.

 

Many members get off their drugs too quickly and end up with bad withdrawal symptoms.  It is understandable that they don't want to reinstate.  Unfortunately, reinstatement of the same drug is the only know way to lessen the withdrawal symptoms.  This is because the drug changes the brain. After going back on a small amount of the drug you then stabilise and you can then do a slow 10% taper of the previous dose with a holding period of about 4 weeks.  Doing this allows the brain to adapt to not getting as much of the drug.  Please do not go back on the last dose you were on as the brain will have already made same adaptations during the time you were off.  We can suggest a dose for you to try.  Please carefully read Post #1 of the About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms.  The longer you leave reinstatement the less chance there is that it will work.  Learning as much as you can will help you to make an informed decision.

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

These helped me to understand SA's recommendations:

 

Brain Remodelling


Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

This may be the link that catnapt wanted to share:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

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Godiswithme

Catnapt. I know you aren't judging me. Thank you. I am incapacitated. I don't know how to explain it as I have never felt this way before. The most extreme form of anxiety I have ever experienced. I read a link on this thread that said I basically threw my brain off a cliff. I am going to die, aren't I? Everyone on here is tapering tiny amounts and I cold turkeyed. God please help me. Do I have a chance if I don't reinstate. Opinion? I know you aren't giving me advice.

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Godiswithme

Chessie Cat. Thank you so much. Am I going to die from what I did? Do you think? If I don't reinstate?

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Godiswithme

Does anyone out there think I have a chance of living a normal life if I don't get back on the drug?

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Godiswithme

I don't know how to reply to a post. I am on my phone.

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Happy2Heal

Catnapt. I know you aren't judging me. Thank you. I am incapacitated. I don't know how to explain it as I have never felt this way before. The most extreme form of anxiety I have ever experienced. I read a link on this thread that said I basically threw my brain off a cliff. I am going to die, aren't I? Everyone on here is tapering tiny amounts and I cold turkeyed. God please help me. Do I have a chance if I don't reinstate. Opinion? I know you aren't giving me advice.

it's ok hon, no you are not going to die. It may feel really horrible but you will not die.

 

your brain can and will heal but there are things you can do that may help it to heal and doing some other things, may not be helpful

 

there are a lot of ppl who went off cold turkey(one or more times), myself included and we are still here. It was not pleasant, that's for sure, but we made it thru it

 

you can make it thru this.

the choice to reinstate (or not) is yours.

 

 

try listening to that first aid for panic audio clip, it is very helpful. I have had times when I would listen to it many times in an hour.

 

take it one minute at a time, do not look too far ahead, and there's no sense looking back, you can't change anything

 

you can only deal with what is happening now

 

I know this is hard, I am going thru it too. but you can make it thru it

 

I can not tell you if reinstating is going to help you or not but from what I've read, that others have written about their experiences with this particular drug, lexapro, reinstating when you are doing this poorly has been helpful

 

I realize reading back that I said I was afraid I would not survive, I need to clarify that. The panic attacks and dark terrifying and horrifying intrusive thoughts FELT so intolerable to me, that my mind was heading towards thinking of wanting to end my life, rather than having to suffer thru this. I didn't know if it would end, and I was feeling very desperate, as you seem to be feeling now.

 

I put a plan in place with a crisis line and a hospital in case I became unsafe, and then I re filled the prescription for the liquid lexapro that I had.

I still waited another day or so, hoping that it was just a bad wave that would soon pass, before finally deciding to take a TINY dose of the liquid

 

I am lucky, so far it is working for me.

I can't say, no one can say, if it will work for you.

 

but I think you may want to consider it, IF you are getting to a point where you are afraid you may hurt yourself.

 

the withdrawal symptoms by themselves, I do not believe it is possible for those to "kill you".

they may feel really really bad, but I don't believe anyone has died from them.

there have been some people who found the symptoms so intolerable that they did kill themselves.

 

there are ways to avoid that. you need to take over and find ways to cope with your symptoms

It will be hard but you CAN do it!! you can get thru this.

remember to breathe, and take only one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

do not look too far ahead. that's not going to help you

 

find things that help you, if it's taking a relaxing bath, going for a short walk, listening to soothing music, etc.

eat well and avoid caffeine and high sugar foods if you can.

or whatever works for you. (you may feel the need for comforting foods)

 

do you have someone you can reach out to, to talk to, to help you with how you are feeling?

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Godiswithme

Hello, is anyone there?

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Godiswithme

Yes. I can talk to my sister and my husband. Thank you for answering. I appreciate it. No one really knows if we will heal or how long. I need to accept that. God help us.

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Godiswithme

Thank you for answering me

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Happy2Heal

Yes. I can talk to my sister and my husband. Thank you for answering. I appreciate it. No one really knows if we will heal or how long. I need to accept that. God help us.

 

I'm sorry, I don't believe that is true.

we can and DO heal, but as far as how long it takes, well,  probably longer than we'd like.

 

but we do heal!! there are plenty of ppl here who have successfully gotten off these drugs

 

you will heal too.

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Godiswithme

 

Yes. I can talk to my sister and my husband. Thank you for answering. I appreciate it. No one really knows if we will heal or how long. I need to accept that. God help us.

I'm sorry, I don't believe that is true.

we can and DO heal, but as far as how long it takes, well, probably longer than we'd like.

 

but we do heal!! there are plenty of ppl here who have successfully gotten off these drugs

 

you will heal too.

 

Please tell me what longer than we'd like means. Please. Please.

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Happy2Heal

 

 

Yes. I can talk to my sister and my husband. Thank you for answering. I appreciate it. No one really knows if we will heal or how long. I need to accept that. God help us.

I'm sorry, I don't believe that is true.

we can and DO heal, but as far as how long it takes, well, probably longer than we'd like.

 

but we do heal!! there are plenty of ppl here who have successfully gotten off these drugs

 

you will heal too.

 

Please tell me what longer than we'd like means. Please. Please.

 

 

 

um well, you are feeling unwell now, and you want it that feeling to end, right?

so anything longer than than it ending right now, is longer than you'd like.

 

there's really no way to know, hon, but you skipped right over the good news.

YOU will heal, it will get better

 

how about working on what you can do right now to feel better?  I know it's hard, believe me, I'm going thru it too.

 

it's best to look for things that help you feel better and NOT dwell on how bad it is, or how long it might last.

 

all any one really has is right now

 

as hard as it is, try to live in the moment and do what you can to get thru that.

 

how are you doing reading thru the links that the mods posted?

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Godiswithme

 

 

 

Yes. I can talk to my sister and my husband. Thank you for answering. I appreciate it. No one really knows if we will heal or how long. I need to accept that. God help us.

I'm sorry, I don't believe that is true.

we can and DO heal, but as far as how long it takes, well, probably longer than we'd like.

 

but we do heal!! there are plenty of ppl here who have successfully gotten off these drugs

 

you will heal too.

Please tell me what longer than we'd like means. Please. Please.

 

um well, you are feeling unwell now, and you want it that feeling to end, right?

so anything longer than than it ending right now, is longer than you'd like.

 

there's really no way to know, hon, but you skipped right over the good news.

YOU will heal, it will get better

 

how about working on what you can do right now to feel better? I know it's hard, believe me, I'm going thru it too.

 

it's best to look for things that help you feel better and NOT dwell on how bad it is, or how long it might last.

 

all any one really has is right now

 

as hard as it is, try to live in the moment and do what you can to get thru that.

 

how are you doing reading thru the links that the mods posted?

One said I threw my brain off a cliff. I'm confused. I have to read them again. I watched the panic movie. Thank you for answering.

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scallywag

GIWM you are obviously posting from a phone.  You may find it easier if you use the full "desktop" version of the site.  The full desktop version allows you to edit posts rather than sending "one-liners" as well, you can create a signature.
 
Instructions on how to do that are these posts in the Signature thread:
Post #8; Post #9

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Godiswithme

Thank you so much.

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PatriciaVP

Hi there GIWM,

 

I grew up in PA. Such a beautiful state especially this time of year. Sometimes I really miss it.

 

When people say stopping your drug cold turkey is like "throwing your brain off a cliff" it sounds pretty scary. Usually when you throw something off a cliff it's a total loss. Completely unsalvageable.

 

Let me reassure this is not the case here. It's more like one of those movies that surround you and make you feel like you are flying or falling or speeding around a race track when what you are really doing is just sitting back in a comfortable chair looking up at a big dome.

 

The drugs temporarily changes the structure of our brain, and when we remove it suddenly it's like coming into the middle of one of those movies where our perception is extremely distorted.

 

I know the thought of swallowing the awful poison that put you here in the first place may seem ludicrous, but perhaps think of it instead like strapping on a virtual parachute in the middle of the movie to slow the ground that your brain is seeing as rushing up at you. Bringing your perceptions more in line with reality and giving your brain time to sort things out.

 

Whether you decide to reinstate or not, remember this is not your permanent reality. It does get better. Even those who have gone cold turkey have healed and come out on the other side. You are not alone.

 

Peace, love and healing.

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Godiswithme

Hi there GIWM,

 

I grew up in PA. Such a beautiful state especially this time of year. Sometimes I really miss it.

 

When people say stopping your drug cold turkey is like "throwing your brain off a cliff" it sounds pretty scary. Usually when you throw something off a cliff it's a total loss. Completely unsalvageable.

 

Let me reassure this is not the case here. It's more like one of those movies that surround you and make you feel like you are flying or falling or speeding around a race track when what you are really doing is just sitting back in a comfortable chair looking up at a big dome.

 

The drugs temporarily changes the structure of our brain, and when we remove it suddenly it's like coming into the middle of one of those movies where our perception is extremely distorted.

 

I know the thought of swallowing the awful poison that put you here in the first place may seem ludicrous, but perhaps think of it instead like strapping on a virtual parachute in the middle of the movie to slow the ground that your brain is seeing as rushing up at you. Bringing your perceptions more in line with reality and giving your brain time to sort things out.

 

Whether you decide to reinstate or not, remember this is not your permanent reality. It does get better. Even those who have gone cold turkey have healed and come out on the other side. You are not alone.

 

Peace, love and healing.

Thank you so much for your kind response.

I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I am barely making it. Yet the thought of taking any more of it is utterly terrifying to me. I went to the family counselor last night. She wanted me to try Prozac and withdraw from that or reinstate on a small dose of generic Lexapro. Of course, talk to my "Doctor first".

I know how ridiculous this sounds and I'm embarrassed, but I have such a strong feeling I am going to die? Is this common, do you know?

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