pinkfairy Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 Thank you PB it's hard when there distorted... jeez WD is so brutal none of us should suffer this bad!! have gone off my path now I have to find my way back on to it First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 Sorry PB your going through this too I wish I could wave a wand for us all... great anogly about our legs. jeez if only our minds would shut up 🤐!! i really hope it eases up for you soon.will crawl together through this... First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
grandmaD Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 (edited) On 21/08/2017 at 1:25 AM, pinkfairy said: things are getting bad,real bad.. am struggling to look after my son.His struggling too... i need things to change or am going to end up losing my son in all this... am completely broken An tramatized by it all!! nothing is letting up,if anything am going down hill xxxx I am concerned especially about your ability to look after your son. Your symptoms sound very distressing and I wonder if you are coping and whether you can keep this up for what can take years? I would hate for you to loose your son and for him to loose his mum, so I would make him your number one priority. For my two cents worth, I don't think all this pain is worth it, compared to your son and I would suggest you go back on whatever dose of Paxil you were on in January. My experience was that I went for 6 months CT off Paxil and was a mess. It was absolutely unbelievable the change upon re-instatement to the full dose I was on previously. In 3 days my diary says "improvement" and after 5 days "much better" and then I had the first "good day" in 6 months! If you decided to make that choice, you could then stabilise to where you felt "good" (for some time, not like I did, because I felt "good" for a WHOLE week and dropped back to half the dose and got into deep water again!) Then begin a sensible, very slow taper of 10% or even 5% depending how you go. Then you would be there for your son and you would cope much better. For my next two cents worth, my concern is with the benzo. It is much safer/healthier to be on an ante-depressant long term than a benzo. I would strongly urge you to re-instate and avoid all the heartache and stabliise the a/d and then taper off the benzo FIRST. If going back to 20mg seems too drastic, you could try going back to 10mg and if that doesn't work, you can still go back up to 20mg. Anyway, like I said, that is my two cents worth! I hate to see you suffer and it getting worse, and having CT you possibly have a long stretch ahead to face. When you have a child to consider, I think it makes all decisions different. The fact that we feel like we are between a rock and a hard place can also make us feel desperate, without a choice and being forced into this situation. I hope that I can give you this information so you can know that you do have a choice! Edited August 22, 2017 by grandmaD HAD NOT FINISHED! 1995-2007 20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain. Years of up and down doses 2008 Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!) 2009 20mg Aropax. Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!) 2010 10mg. 10% taper. Lasted 4 months. Crashed again 2011 5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!) 2012 2.5% taper. 6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable) 2013 5% taper. Big mistake. 5.5mg – 4.6mg (even worserer) 2014 2.5% taper. 4.9mg – 4.5mg; 2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg 2016 2.5% taper. 3.9mg Feb 3.8 Mar 3.7 May 3.6 Jul 3.5 2017 2.5% taper. Jan 3.4; Mar 3.35; Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9; 2018 2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3 2019 Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1; Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted August 22, 2017 Author Share Posted August 22, 2017 hi grandma D thank you for posting. am very distressed 24/7 certainly not coping.... we tried a reinstatement of paxil it didn't work as am 18th month in now!! i truly don't know what to do as I can go on much longer! am in hell 24/7 with no let up....i so wish I could of reinstated my sleep is so bad am just not coping!! pink First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
grandmaD Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 14 minutes ago, pinkfairy said: hi grandma D thank you for posting. am very distressed 24/7 certainly not coping.... we tried a reinstatement of paxil it didn't work as am 18th month in now!! i truly don't know what to do as I can go on much longer! am in hell 24/7 with no let up....i so wish I could of reinstated my sleep is so bad am just not coping!! pink Sorry, cannot see the reinstatement to a full dose in your signature, only a 1mg one in December, which would not help. Ok, sorry, I thought it was Jan. 2017 you went off! I guess 18 months is probably too long to re-instate a full dose! Have you reconsidered trying a full dose of Prozac again and sticking it out? I'm not as confident that this would help, though, because you could still get the w/d symptoms from the Paxil. These drugs are not all the same as they would have you believe, so switching between them is not always the answer. 1995-2007 20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain. Years of up and down doses 2008 Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!) 2009 20mg Aropax. Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!) 2010 10mg. 10% taper. Lasted 4 months. Crashed again 2011 5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!) 2012 2.5% taper. 6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable) 2013 5% taper. Big mistake. 5.5mg – 4.6mg (even worserer) 2014 2.5% taper. 4.9mg – 4.5mg; 2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg 2016 2.5% taper. 3.9mg Feb 3.8 Mar 3.7 May 3.6 Jul 3.5 2017 2.5% taper. Jan 3.4; Mar 3.35; Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9; 2018 2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3 2019 Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1; Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted August 22, 2017 Author Share Posted August 22, 2017 Grandma d am to tramatized to ever touch another med!!! am on 7.5 matazpine an 4.5 diazpam... i could higher the mirt at this point I don't know!! am hanging on by a thread an utterly over whelmed!! each day is getting harder!! am broken badly First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
nz11 Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 On 8/21/2017 at 6:42 AM, pinkfairy said: jeez WD is so brutal none of us should suffer this bad!! I totally agree with you on this. You know what it would be great if you could mention this in the wdl survey if you havent as yet done it. What do you think about the survey? Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted August 22, 2017 Author Share Posted August 22, 2017 Hello thanks for stopping by have already done the survey.. i said how mine an my sons lifes have been ripped apart by the WDs off these medications I think the survey is a great idea I just hope more sign it x First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
nz11 Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 9 minutes ago, pinkfairy said: I think the survey is a great idea I just hope more sign it Took the words right out of my mouth....thanks for doing the survey. Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing. http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651 Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos. Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you Recovering paxil addict None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped." Dr Mosher. Me too! Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015 I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015 Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017 Link to comment
grandmaD Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 16 hours ago, pinkfairy said: Grandma d am to tramatized to ever touch another med!!! am on 7.5 matazpine an 4.5 diazpam... i could higher the mirt at this point I don't know!! am hanging on by a thread an utterly over whelmed!! each day is getting harder!! am broken badly I am not surprised and don't blame you! It is just horrendous what we have to endure and I am so sorry for your situation. I didn't realise was matazpine or mirt are so not sure how they help. Anyway, please take good care of yourself and your son and I wish you good success for your journey from hereon. It is good to have the support of this site, that is for sure! 1995-2007 20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain. Years of up and down doses 2008 Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!) 2009 20mg Aropax. Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!) 2010 10mg. 10% taper. Lasted 4 months. Crashed again 2011 5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!) 2012 2.5% taper. 6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable) 2013 5% taper. Big mistake. 5.5mg – 4.6mg (even worserer) 2014 2.5% taper. 4.9mg – 4.5mg; 2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg 2016 2.5% taper. 3.9mg Feb 3.8 Mar 3.7 May 3.6 Jul 3.5 2017 2.5% taper. Jan 3.4; Mar 3.35; Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9; 2018 2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3 2019 Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1; Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skeeter Posted August 23, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 23, 2017 Pink, Please update your signature, as you were only on Paxil last year for a few days, and update that the liquid valium was a fail, and now your current dose. Go to the upper right of the screen, click on your avatar, and go to profile settings, then on the left side of the page see signature, click on it, and you can update. Do you remember why I told you why we had people try coming off of their AD first, then their Benzo, and not the other way around? Most seem to find that the benzo helps cushion the blow of coming off of the AD, so coming off of the Remeron/mirtazapine (matazapine in the UK) would maybe be a better choice to try first, as you have a cylinder, an easy way to measure you doses and your tapers. It is different than the liquid of Valium, which many, many people have a hard time with. The lower you get with the Benzo the harder it can be on you, and you need a break about now. Did you change your mind on wanting to see if you could give your body and mind a rest for awhile from the Benzo WD, which is brutal, and is very hard on you and your son? I am hoping to help you keep your family together by giving you the best info I have on the site here to get you through this as intact as possible. What are your feelings? Skeets Current meds: Lexapro 20mg, Valium 6.25mg Current status: September 2018 forced to go down to 10mg of Valium/Diazepam from around 15mg, with the plan to have me totally of in 2 more months. I was not given a chance to give input at tapering at this speed, please go much, much slower. Luckily I found a new doctor, but was thrown off course by my rapid taper, as of 2/19 am down to 6.25mg, and am stable. Will update with dates of taper ASAP. Read my history here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12819-skeeters-journey/ I am NOT a doctor. My opinions are just that- MY opinions, based on my personal experiences and research, but your experience and reactions may differ greatly, we are all different! I maintain that a doctor educated in withdrawal is the best place to get info or to get the "go ahead" before changing your medications in any way! Link to comment
TryingToHoldOn Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I'm a mom, too. Just stopping by to lend some support. I hope you get to a point where you can stabilize and life gets more manageable for you. You are strong to care for your child thru WD! Mid 2014 - June 2016 (~ 2.5 yrs): sertraline 75mg. Under advice of my Pysch NP, weaned off in 1 month Sept 2017 - Feb 2017 (6 months): Latuda (dose 20mg up to 80mg). Under advice of Psych NP, weaned off in 6 weeks (Jan - mid Feb). Tirtated down 20mg every 2 weeks. Nov 2017 - Feb 2017 (3 months): lamictal 100mg. Abruptly taken off. This was the "wean": 100mg, 50mg, then off Feb 2017: sertraline 150mg for 1 week to bring me out of a severe suicidal depression. Abruptly stopped due to serotonin syndrome. Tried to reinstate 50mg a week later, but the serotonin syndrome symptoms came back. Not possible to reinstate sertraline. March 2017: remeron 7.5mg. Took one dose that knocked me out for two days. Refused to take it again February 2017 - March 2017: Ativan 1mg. Took 5 pills total spread out over the course of 3 weeks. No longer taking it. 6/16/18 - 6/26: celexa 1.25mg 6/27/18 - 6/29: celexa 2.5mg, 6/29 had burning and agitation within 30min of dose 6/30/18 - present: celexa 1.25mg Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted September 2, 2017 Author Share Posted September 2, 2017 Hi skeeter..... Am holding on to the matazpine for now,no way I can be in 4 lots of WD I think trying to taper the mirt would send me over the edge.Have tried to do my thingy update I have no room? Am not intact as I am in different WDs.. stabalized ALOT,sleeping 6 hours a night now..all symptoms through out the day have gone down to a 5 from ten. agitated depression quite bad though.Been out for a walk afew days ago with rufus,lol found a swing An was swinging on it on my own haha felt really good apart from nerve pain.i seem to be getting a lot of nerve pain lately. But honestly I darent touch the mirt. i want to find a pace with the diazpam what works...say 2-3 % a month,slow I know but with already having a damaged nervous system I think slower the better...I hope your well pink hi tying to hold on...am sorry your mum caught up in this nightmare too...breaks my heart for all of us. Its not easy An does get away with a lot as I just can't parent like I used too Infact I can't do anything hope your ok ❤️ First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted September 6, 2017 Author Share Posted September 6, 2017 Hello I was just wondering what we do when we engage with our inner child mines really frightened An she's lost....this feels like when I was little... i feel in a dangerous place here! Thank you pink First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Skeeter Posted September 17, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) Pink, Was gone for 2 weeks, on what as supposed to be a vacation, well, the vacation part did not happen. OOPS! How are you hanging in for now? Are you holding still? I am hoping so, your body needs a rest. It is not good to keep pushing yourself into WD all of the time, as you well know. How is your son doing with therapy, do you see any improvement with him (if he is still doing it)? and how are you doing with your 3 therapists (it is 3, right, the 2.5 hours person for physical care, Baylissa, then the other one. Are you finding this to be helpful? Do you get times of relief when with te 2.5 hours lady, I noticed you said you were yawning as you left her office...yay! Take Rufus out when you can. I am sure he loves it, and it is good for you to get past that doorway when you can! You cn only have 12 lines in your signature, but it is vry important that you have your older info in short, but the more recent tapers with exact dates, you can put them on 1 line, like : 2017: jan 3: 4mg, Mirtz 7.5mg, Mar 1: Val 3.75mg Mirt 7.5 mg... all on one line like that. It is very important! I will work on sending you a PM on how to shorten your past info that is there now, okay, and all you have to do is copy and paste that in your signature, and then add all of the new info on your tapers, okay? Be well! Skeets Edited September 18, 2017 by Skeeter Current meds: Lexapro 20mg, Valium 6.25mg Current status: September 2018 forced to go down to 10mg of Valium/Diazepam from around 15mg, with the plan to have me totally of in 2 more months. I was not given a chance to give input at tapering at this speed, please go much, much slower. Luckily I found a new doctor, but was thrown off course by my rapid taper, as of 2/19 am down to 6.25mg, and am stable. Will update with dates of taper ASAP. Read my history here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12819-skeeters-journey/ I am NOT a doctor. My opinions are just that- MY opinions, based on my personal experiences and research, but your experience and reactions may differ greatly, we are all different! I maintain that a doctor educated in withdrawal is the best place to get info or to get the "go ahead" before changing your medications in any way! Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hi skeeter.... reduced by 3% on the 12th of September of diazpam.... it has not made a bit of difference to how am feeling!!The WD are happening 24/7 prior to the reduction..I got a 7 hour window a week ago... This stuff is frying my CNS weather I hold or reduce it's making me insanely sick! my son had to sessions she said he seems well wth 2 sessions & no more!good old NHS for us... Is got anxiety from all this,so the guilt of it all plus how our life's are chaos is causing extreme guilt & stress knowing I can't help him! am still seeing my counsellor & going for Rikie healing,she's a trained trauma specialist too ( really like her) Am still in touch with baylissa through her positive times on F.B! I have a lot of external stressors going on.Am stressed 24:7.... Am doing badly it's not just WDs. my thinking is all distorted I feel delusional all the time! Am fighting instead of accepting & am taking "myself" down with self sabotage! Have been in a spiral for along time.i cannot get out of it.... feelings of regret really bad Shame & anger lots of anger! Have had addictions before...all my life! yes were all "dependant" on these but my behaviour is like that of an actual "addict" Am on no path,am just out of control.Been wanting to drink to obvillion (haven't) This drug as really got it's claws into me & taking me down the wrong route to hell!I can't see a way back from this. The depression is black & I feel hopeless & in distress a lot!! like I said it's not even the reduction am like it ALL the time! stress is shutting me down.I can't take it easy or go on a growth journey as am trying to be a mum (out of my mind) school runs,cooking & trying to clean on 2-4 hours sleep is getting impossible....infact am struggling as everything comes first son,dogs home am burnt out!but been a parent & life goes on,..there's days o get out for a walk... but I have school runs every day by the time I get home am in agony & crying from sheer burn out! Its just a messed up place to be in. i honestly feel like I have lost my mind!! Oh my skin I cannot touch it it's driving me to insanity I have no moisture in my body at all!! my CNS as been bad since I was 17 this takes the biscuit! i will do my sig & thank you for asking after me!!❤️ Ps also two of my finger tips keep going blue doctors tomorrow! Am tramatized to the max hope your ok pink First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
powerback Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 7 minutes ago, pinkfairy said: Hi skeeter.... reduced by 3% on the 12th of September of diazpam.... it has not made a bit of difference to how am feeling!!The WD are happening 24/7 prior to the reduction..I got a 7 hour window a week ago... This stuff is frying my CNS weather I hold or reduce it's making me insanely sick! my son had to sessions she said he seems well wth 2 sessions & no more!good old NHS for us... Is got anxiety from all this,so the guilt of it all plus how our life's are chaos is causing extreme guilt & stress knowing I can't help him! am still seeing my counsellor & going for Rikie healing,she's a trained trauma specialist too ( really like her) Am still in touch with baylissa through her positive times on F.B! I have a lot of external stressors going on.Am stressed 24:7.... Am doing badly it's not just WDs. my thinking is all distorted I feel delusional all the time! Am fighting instead of accepting & am taking "myself" down with self sabotage! Have been in a spiral for along time.i cannot get out of it.... feelings of regret really bad Shame & anger lots of anger! Have had addictions before...all my life! yes were all "dependant" on these but my behaviour is like that of an actual "addict" Am on no path,am just out of control.Been wanting to drink to obvillion (haven't) This drug as really got it's claws into me & taking me down the wrong route to hell!I can't see a way back from this. The depression is black & I feel hopeless & in distress a lot!! like I said it's not even the reduction am like it ALL the time! stress is shutting me down.I can't take it easy or go on a growth journey as am trying to be a mum (out of my mind) school runs,cooking & trying to clean on 2-4 hours sleep is getting impossible....infact am struggling as everything comes first son,dogs home am burnt out!but been a parent & life goes on,..there's days o get out for a walk... but I have school runs every day by the time I get home am in agony & crying from sheer burn out! Its just a messed up place to be in. i honestly feel like I have lost my mind!! Oh my skin I cannot touch it it's driving me to insanity I have no moisture in my body at all!! my CNS as been bad since I was 17 this takes the biscuit! i will do my sig & thank you for asking after me!!❤️ Ps also two of my finger tips keep going blue doctors tomorrow! Am tramatized to the max hope your ok pink Hi pink sorry to hear you struggling .dam drugs . stick to your rikie healing ,your aware of self sabotage so that's good in the way of acknowledgment so not to drink ,good on not drinking ,itl just set you back .the quest for relief is relentless . I was out walking the other week and I was staring in at the taps of the bar ,but I kept my focus and kept walking . try keep your nutrition high ,and keeping busy is good .I wish I was busier myself . solidarity all the way . take care PB Alcohol free since February 2015 1MG diazepam 4.5MG PROZAC. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Hi pb.... how you doing?daft question I know! well done with your walking... i was in a shop with drink & I thought for a second get the wine & forget this whole nightmare! i had to walk out FAST!! my minds not in a good place very dark! My diet is blur as I forget to eat! no brain to cook good meals cannot think straight it's stress of it all pb! I know am self sabotaging but wth I cannot stop it's like another me it's disturbing & very OCD...I know what it is it's the only thing I can control in WD very bad!! i don't no how to live any-more nothing is working & my brain is smoking!! i ain't cut out for WD I have the mentality of a 15 year old still! Jeez my life was been a mum going to work gyming it & drinking on a weekend with the ex i was content with my little life as had,had a life time of clubs & pubs...so to do those above was bliss for my... now look a jobless,useless fat mum what can't string a sentence together! Am getting fed up of this I really am... Thanks pb for listening to negative 👎 but I seriuosly do not see a positive in sight!! i really hate myself for been in this mess...Am soul tired of it First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
powerback Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 14 hours ago, pinkfairy said: Hi pb.... how you doing?daft question I know! well done with your walking... i was in a shop with drink & I thought for a second get the wine & forget this whole nightmare! i had to walk out FAST!! my minds not in a good place very dark! My diet is blur as I forget to eat! no brain to cook good meals cannot think straight it's stress of it all pb! I know am self sabotaging but wth I cannot stop it's like another me it's disturbing & very OCD...I know what it is it's the only thing I can control in WD very bad!! i don't no how to live any-more nothing is working & my brain is smoking!! i ain't cut out for WD I have the mentality of a 15 year old still! Jeez my life was been a mum going to work gyming it & drinking on a weekend with the ex i was content with my little life as had,had a life time of clubs & pubs...so to do those above was bliss for my... now look a jobless,useless fat mum what can't string a sentence together! Am getting fed up of this I really am... Thanks pb for listening to negative 👎 but I seriuosly do not see a positive in sight!! i really hate myself for been in this mess...Am soul tired of it morning pink .wish I had the answer for you .I get you about the partying ,I was at a function in July and I was buying drinks for people and standing at the bar brought back all the exciting feelings but I was always hungover the next day ,I still cant believe I treated myself like that for so long . I allowed all the feelings to flow through me and I realised I absorbed more of my surroundings sober at the function.I was around drink last year [staying in hotel for work with a group]. i got to experience the morning after at breakfast and i absolutely loved it ,they were all dying with hangovers and I was raring to get on with the day. one lad has said to me he would love to give up when i see him . give your memory's some balance it helps me . you have to learn some self compassion for yourself and think long term positive . take care and be kind to you PB Alcohol free since February 2015 1MG diazepam 4.5MG PROZAC. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted October 4, 2017 Author Share Posted October 4, 2017 Hi pb I haven't reached that part with self compassion yet hope your good! am really struggling here looping thoughts from all my past! am really scared am just in a. Down ward spiral I can't get out my own mind! in a state that panic & teror 24/7 so much trauma from my past am struggling to breath First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted October 6, 2017 Author Share Posted October 6, 2017 This is getting beyond a joke..how long can this no sleep go on for..2/4 hours a night 13 month now! am in the abyss of deep depression. No sign of healing just mental health & physical doing down hill rapid...2 stone weight gain in 7 freaking month! Am beyond exhausted! i feel combust into out of space.serious DP/DR my home doesn't look or feel like home it hasn't In along time!in complete shock to the point of I can't talk..minutes seem like hours in the abyss..deep despair & hoplemess.Cant even handle my own child talking to me as every nerve is plugged into the national grid!complete terror every thing is out of control & in chaos!! life is for living not for feeling like your a zombie! This is going on for far to long!That amount of sleep is becoming dangerous now am actually seeing things what aren't there...people look fake! Am broken...am lost & things are just getting worse! Am bordering on insanity First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted October 8, 2017 Author Share Posted October 8, 2017 Another day of really struggling non functional now!nore suffering I feel like am getting seriously sick from ingesting these drugs!CNS on fire stuck on fight or flight... going down hill rapildy am truly frightened!no moisture in body or mouth..am not coping at all...have wandered off my path I don't no where home is...am wandering to far in the wrong direction am lost! cant talk due to trauma am so losing this battle to the drugs... am holding on for dear life here! am that mentally messed up I don't know what's waves any more am seriously sick the wound is just gaping am staring at the black void...I feel am past the point of no return... please some one help am so not well!am struggling to survive the depression is so bad am drowning I have no hope 😓!!have gone down hill since April.am stuck In a spiral I cannot get out of it....I need hope just a tiny glimmer I can't do this for years am getting weaker by the day..I struggle to stand with out wanting to pass out am really in bad shape...getting worse & no one sees or hears.. First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted October 8, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 8, 2017 You were doing a lot better recently. You said you were going to hold but it seems you made a cut again and feel worse as a result. You will feel better but it you should really hold for long as it was discussed. Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted October 9, 2017 Author Share Posted October 9, 2017 Hi bubble... the cut as made no difference I feel exactly the same...am seriously lost & wandered off track to far 😓! i have so much stress going on am not coping at all!This drug really as it claws into me...am basically become a fat vegetable & life is swirling around me chaotic! have got some one from panaroma itv in the uk getting in touch with me about the disaster of benzodiazepines!There running a programme in the uk.. barry heslam is meeting people & there's a huge meeting taking place on the 10th of November with mps.... The guy who is looking into all took on the hills bury disaster over here! lets hope some thing becomes of this... First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted November 3, 2017 Author Share Posted November 3, 2017 Hello.... am on dangerous ground for about month.i can't feel my body & have gone into some form of shock where I can't speak...it's like have froze & am completely tramatized...I can't feel my body it's like am living everything from my head.i feel as though have combust.I don't like my mind is taking me,its like am possessed!lack of sleep is still 3 hours...can't swallow food as am that exhausted... i feel broken like I can physically mentally & spiritualy feel it!! Have spiralled into some well & I can't get out! a really frightened pink x First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted November 3, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 3, 2017 On 2.9.2017. at 10:39 PM, pinkfairy said: Have been holding now for 3 month now.Am wanting to drop a little as my son is going on holiday with his school in September,so it would be good to get it with the WD when his away....not that it's good news to get hit with WD lol.. sleep up to 6 hours for the last week awesome An throughly enjoying it...it's gone from 2am to 4.30 am..This as been with out windows too,even slept when periods due (unreal) last window 2 days ago... symtoms 5/10 at the moment. still DR/DP getting used to these now. will post the weight tomorrow Am going to hold for another couple of weeks if my sleep keeps improving will hold for a lot longer... I will practise with the scale an measuring have got the capsules so all good to go... Those windows were like magic, keep them coming nervous system I'm sorry you are suffering Pink. Now is not the good time to analyse your situation but unfortunately good time for that doesn't seem to come. As indicated in your post from 2 September you finally started doing better after 3 months hold. You promised yourself that you will continue to hold. Instead, you cut again and made yourself completely dysfunctional again. You will get better again but until you start learning from your mistakes you will continue to repeat them. Also the changes you do to Valium are not reflected in your signature at all. Especially since it is very clear that it is helping with horrible Paxil WD symptoms. But you go on claiming you were never truly stable on it and insist on cutting. You can't expect to be fully stable because CTing Paxil after almost 20 years of ADs is huge. That's why you are feeling so unstable. It's not because of valium. valium is helping you cope with that horrible withdrawal and any attempts to cut it (regardless of how little) cause you to suffer. After everything you have been through since January 2016 I wouldn't have tapered Valium at all, for at least a year. I would rather focus on improving your life situation, dealing with your past traumas in a very gentle way, spending time with your son, practicing non-drug coping skills... Focusing on the drug and tapering is in itself a withdrawal symptom. It is also another way on looking at drugs as a solution to our problems but now in a slightly different way: instead of expecting that getting on drugs will solve our problems, now we expect that coming off of them will sort them out and that we can only move on without our lives once we 'get this poison out of our system'. That view is very detrimental. You are very strong. You have pulled out of so many horrible things. This will pass also. remember, last time it took you three months. But it happened. I'm just sad to see you are making yourself so unwell. Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Nikki74 Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 Hi PinkFairy I’ve been reading your thread. I can identify with so much and I’m so sorry for where you’re at. My med history over the last 18 months is a mess. But in June I ct’d two meds (pregabalin and escitalopram, had been on that one for 6 years) and everything fell apart as I went into severe withdrawals. But I didn’t know it was that as was trusting my GP and ended up in crisis and trying to up another ad I was on (Mirtazipine) which didn’t go well and I ended up on diazepam and Zopiclone. Ct’d the Zopiclone then I’m September not knowing any better, just what I was told... So I’ve been holding for about a month on Mirtazipine, a reinstated dose of escitalopram and 6mg diazepam. It’s been exactly as you describe. I plan to hold for as long as it takes to get some ‘normality’ back. I too hate that I’m taking diazepam but can’t shift on it until all this settles down. I’ve gone months with 2-3 hours sleep and only recently been getting more. My worst symptom is the akasthisia. Then the dr/dp, depression, panic attacks, daily struggle with hope. Plus other stuff. You know the score. I’m a single Mum too, to a teenage son. I was going to say, don’t lose hope. Keep holding. Why don’t we do a nice long hold together? Sending compassion, Nikki 2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May. Start June stop pregablin after two week taper. End June. Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end) diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm 8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam) 2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg 2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg clonazepam 0.80 mg mirtazapine 15 mg 2019 October present drugs: Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals), clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018), mirtazapine 15 mg 2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg previous signature here recent dosing and symptom logs here Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus bubble Posted November 4, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 4, 2017 13 minutes ago, Nikki74 said: was going to say, don’t lose hope. Keep holding. Why don’t we do a nice long hold together? Thank you for reaching out to Pink, Nikki. This is a great idea. Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2 2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013) Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg. 2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days afterreinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours 28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr 2015 1 mg, 25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64 Xanax 9 month hold 24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26 Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. Link to comment
Nikki74 Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 10 minutes ago, bubble said: Thank you for reaching out to Pink, Nikki. This is a great idea. Thanks Bubble. I read your advice and support often on different threads. It was helpful to read read what you said somewhere above about the wish to get off drugs is a withdrawal symptom in itself as I’ve been obsessed with it since all this started. Always asking on different forums about others’ experiences tapering diazepam. I’m trying to make peace with the fact I’ve ended up on it and can’t do a thing about it until I’m stable and that could take months. A year maybe?! I thought it might help Pink to join me in a long hold. X 2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May. Start June stop pregablin after two week taper. End June. Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end) diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm 8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam) 2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg 2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg clonazepam 0.80 mg mirtazapine 15 mg 2019 October present drugs: Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals), clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018), mirtazapine 15 mg 2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg previous signature here recent dosing and symptom logs here Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 Hello Nikki.. Thank you for reaching out to me ♥️ Am so very sorry your in the same boat.God what these doctors do to us is unreal.It makes it even harder been a single parent.We have no family or help what so ever.Am honestly really pleased you stopped by...yes I will keep holding with you & maybe we could help each other get through the days. much love to you pink xx First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 18 minutes ago, bubble said: Thank you for reaching out to Pink, Nikki. This is a great idea. ♥️ First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 I didn't realise wanting to get off was a WD symptom too...I just thought I had no patience! nikki have been doing the same as you looking at others etc...have had to stop as it was making me worse when they were flying past me...have had to accept they weren't CT off other drugs! lets hold together then.you can keep me updated on your progress & vice versa.Xxx First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
Nikki74 Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 32 minutes ago, pinkfairy said: I didn't realise wanting to get off was a WD symptom too...I just thought I had no patience! nikki have been doing the same as you looking at others etc...have had to stop as it was making me worse when they were flying past me...have had to accept they weren't CT off other drugs! lets hold together then.you can keep me updated on your progress & vice versa.Xxx Hi Pink lovely to meet you. Yes it’s so hard seeing others ‘making progress’ by tapering and I always want to fast forward from where I am but you just can’t. I read somewhere on here once, maybe Bubble said it, that holding IS doing something. Yes, let’s keep in touch and keep updated lovely. Xxx 2009-2011 mirtazapine 45mg plus clonaz as needed. Start Lexapro Nov 2011. June 2016 Zopiclone, July-Sept Trazodone 50mg, adverse reaction, ct, started pregabalin, reduced Lexapro from 20 to 15mg Start of 2017 on 15mg lexapro, 100mg pregablin. April added 15mg mirtazapine. End May. Start June stop pregablin after two week taper. End June. Stopped Lexapro 15mg 3 wk taper. Start July Mirt 30mg + Diaz daily 2-4mg End July returned to mirtaz 15mg + lexapro at 10mg reinstated. 4th Aug - 19 Sept Zopiclone (3.75 then 7.5 then 3.75 at the end) diazepam 7-8mg day since then. 16 Sept cut lex to 5mg. 5-6 Oct swapped 5mg lex to 8.15am and 15mg mirtazipine to 11pm 8 Oct onwards sticking to 6mg diazepam p/day 3 doses/ 2 Feb start 1mg clonazepam, stop Diaz. 21 Feb 2% cut lex. 8 March 12.5% clon cut. Now take .5 clon 9am, .375 5pm(0.875 mg daily clonazepam) 16 May @8% clon reduction so 9am dose .43(0.805 mg daily clonazepam) 2 July 10% Lexapro reduction to 4.5mg. 9 Aug .25mg lex cut to 4.25mg/ 13 Aug 4.5mg 2018 October Lexapro 4.5 to 4.25 mg clonazepam 0.80 mg mirtazapine 15 mg 2019 October present drugs: Lexapro 2.75 mg(tapers of 0.25 increments in last year at 5 -9 week intervals), clonazepam 0.78 mg(taper of .02 mg November 2018), mirtazapine 15 mg 2020 January 5th Lexapro taper to 2.57 mg(2%drop), total clonazepam 0.78 mg, mirtazapine 15 mg previous signature here recent dosing and symptom logs here Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted November 4, 2017 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 4, 2017 8 hours ago, Nikki74 said: holding IS doing something Yes, it is. It is giving your brain the time and environment it needs to do what it needs to do. * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment
pinkfairy Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Happy new year to every body.... @brassmonkey hello,I hope you all had a lovely Christmas & new year.Am ready for a reduction...am only going to go 2% this time. Am at 2mg am 1mg afternoon & .124 night time. so would you recommend taking 2% off the .124 dose? Thank you very much pink. First AD when i was 19.Binge drinker/drugs 15 years weekend use.I was always pulled on and off.2005-2007-Mirtapine 45mg CT. 2010-2016 Paxil 40mg + Zopiclone.Jan-2016 i was CT off Paxil.Stopped alcohol Jan 2016.Given 2-4mg of Diazepam April 2016 CT them after 3 month.They reinstated 8mg of Diazepam July 2016 and the Doctor CT me off Zopiclone the same day.They then tried adding all different drugs Mirt one of them at 15mg (i took 7.5mg).I was tapered August 2016 7.5mg.Sep 2016 7mg.Oct 2016 6mg.Tried 1mg of Paxil-stopped after 2 days.Nov 2016 5.5mg.Tried olanzapine @2.5mg (stopped after a week)Dec 2016-5mg.Tried switching to liquid Jan-March 2017 (no good)back to pills.April 2017-4.75mg of Diazepam June 2017 -4.5mg.July 2018 went inpatient for 10 days.Awakening 4 days later.HELD.Sep 2017 4.3mg Dec 2017-4mg (Held)April 2019- started tapering the Mirtazapine.Sep 2019 at 6mg of Mirtazapine (HELD)Stopped smoking CT after 26 years.10.16.19..Restarted the Diazepam taper Jan 2020 micro tapering (game changer) now 18/7/23 @0.052mg Diazepam + Mirtazapine @6mg. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted January 2, 2018 Moderator Share Posted January 2, 2018 Hi Pink-- yes that would be okay to take it off of the evening dose. Remember that you're reducing by 2% of the daily dose of 3.1mg not 2% of the evening dose. So the new evening dose would be .062. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
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