☼ pinkfairy: rapid taper of Paxil

[pinkfairy]

20 hours ago, powerback said:

be very careful of diagnoses from them .clean up he's diet like your own  ,do what ever you can your end also will help .

I cant claim anything one way or the other but if you inform yourself as well you can judge what is said .

hope your day goes ok .

Take care. 

Hi pb hope your ok 

 

believe me they won’t get there hands on him.Its some one to talk too for him.Its hard getting a near teenager to eat my foods.i always try though.

 

saturday 

8.30am 2mg of Valium 

9.30am headache,confusion 

feel sick.

11 am feel like I can’t sit 

exhausted but really heavy limbs.

12.30 dinner 

high anxiety intrusive thoughts 

depression.

 

1.30pm crying 

 

3.30pm 1mg of Valium 

depression intrusive thoughts.

 

4.30 pm feel delirious 

all over body pain 

confusion,headache 

 

6pm DR/DP symtoms so intense was actually sick with pain. S/I

 

carrys On right through.

10.20pm 1mg Valium 7.5 of mirt 

12.am sleep 

2am wake up sweating,not knowing where I am.intense body pain.total fear & doom.surges burning.high anxiety 

 

7am burning head pressure.confusion.Thought I heard my son shout he was asleep.S/I intrusive thoughts 

rage.light sound sensitivity.

depression feeling hopeless.

dont feel inside my body 

Loss of taste & smell.panic.

really frightened.

 

[pinkfairy]

Sunday 

stomach pains 

feels like screams trapped inside me.

looping thoughts 

anxiety just off the scales.

 

8.30 am 2mg diazepam 

 

9am

feels like totall amnesia 24/7.No concept of time.totall confusion 

anger.revved up 

 

11 am sobbing anxiety depression.

 

12 o’clock dinner.

still crying in pain dr/DP mild.

exhausted.all over body pain.

 

2pm lowering of symtoms went outside to play ball with my son could only manage 10 minutes 

 

3.30 pm so much anger it’s scary 

1mg diazepam 

headache feel sick body pain 

 

4pm tea 

 

5 pm total acute symtoms intensity unbearable but just hold on & breathe.

 

carrys on right through 

10.20pm 1mg Valium 7.5 mirt 

11pm sleep 

broken nightmares 

wake 3am surges anxiety off the scale.Not knowing where I am.feel loss of control.Feel like am losing my mind.

burning.

on auto pilot serious survival mode.

7am exhausted.but wired.looping thoughts.Feels like am going round & round in circles 

no forwards just stuck.

rage don’t know where this is coming from.Feels like am going to snap!Frustration beyond anything.

My mind feels like am losing it.

 

8am just want to scream.

8.30am 2mg Valium.

 

 

[pinkfairy]

Monday 

9am high anxiety,looping thoughts no concept of time 

 

11am lowering of symtoms 

 

12.30 dinner 

high anxiety.depression.Heavy limbs.

 

1pm looping thoughts 

headache 

 

2pm reduced symtoms 

3.30pm 1mg diazepam 

 

4.30pm tea 

intensifying of symptoms.very high anxiety.D/R DP head pressure.confusion.acid in my vains.feel she’ll shocked.

terror.Building of energy.Air hunger.jumping out of my skin 

raw nerves.icy cold feet.

 

6pm sobbing feel defeated.

 

10.20pm 1mg of diazepam 7.5mg of mirt.

sleep at 11pm 

wake at 3am 

adrenline surges 

constant intrusive thoughts.Burning skin.feel like am been poisoned.Terror tummy gripping with fear.Feel fragmented & just a soul.

acid reflux.

so over whelmed.

Thoughts of am going to die then sob as I don’t want too.

carrys on until 7.30am 

sobbing,feel like have lost control.heading in the wrong direction.panic high anxiety totall terror.jumping out of my skin.

feel sick,loose stools.

struggling to breathe.

depression.

8.30am breakfast 2mg of diazepam 

heavy limbs.everything is spinning.

dissociated 

Totall geipped in icy fear.

 

It’s been a week of writing my symtoms do I need to keep doing it please? Thank you 

[powerback]

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

Monday 

9am high anxiety,looping thoughts no concept of time 

 

11am lowering of symtoms 

 

12.30 dinner 

high anxiety.depression.Heavy limbs.

 

1pm looping thoughts 

headache 

 

2pm reduced symtoms 

3.30pm 1mg diazepam 

 

4.30pm tea 

intensifying of symptoms.very high anxiety.D/R DP head pressure.confusion.acid in my vains.feel she’ll shocked.

terror.Building of energy.Air hunger.jumping out of my skin 

raw nerves.icy cold feet.

 

6pm sobbing feel defeated.

 

10.20pm 1mg of diazepam 7.5mg of mirt.

sleep at 11pm 

wake at 3am 

adrenline surges 

constant intrusive thoughts.Burning skin.feel like am been poisoned.Terror tummy gripping with fear.Feel fragmented & just a soul.

acid reflux.

so over whelmed.

Thoughts of am going to die then sob as I don’t want too.

carrys on until 7.30am 

sobbing,feel like have lost control.heading in the wrong direction.panic high anxiety totall terror.jumping out of my skin.

feel sick,loose stools.

struggling to breathe.

depression.

8.30am breakfast 2mg of diazepam 

heavy limbs.everything is spinning.

dissociated 

Totall geipped in icy fear.

 

It’s been a week of writing my symtoms do I need to keep doing it please? Thank you 

Hi pink ,maybe you dont need to be so detailed if its taxing on you ,break it down into morning, afternoon ,evening .

Take care

[WiggleIt]

Hello pink,

I just wanted to say hello and I hope your skin rash is better.  I've been reading back on your thread and am hoping all the best for you!

[pinkfairy]

1 hour ago, powerback said:

Hi pink ,maybe you dont need to be so detailed if its taxing on you ,break it down into morning, afternoon ,evening .

Take care

 

Thank you pb I will do 

take care too 

[pinkfairy]

48 minutes ago, WiggleIt said:

Hello pink,

I just wanted to say hello and I hope your skin rash is better.  I've been reading back on your thread and am hoping all the best for you!

Hello wigglet 

thank you for stopping by means a lot 

 

i still have the rash 

thats lovely thank you.

not able to offer much at the moment really am struggling 

but when able I will get back to you proper 

xxx

[WiggleIt]

No pressure and no rush 💘

[pinkfairy]

22 hours ago, WiggleIt said:

No pressure and no rush 💘

Hope your ok wigglet 💐

 

tuesdays symtoms 

9.30am symtoms so intense was been sick with pain.Couldnt stand up with nearly passing out.

i don’t know what’s happning I just know I had S/I all day.

inner aka badly.

 

was not one minute let up 

3.30 1mg diazepam 

had to ring a friend couldn’t stop crying.

 

4.30pm tea 

5pm couldn’t sit still.just adrenaline surges non stop.

 

9pm couldn’t remember but had come round it was 1am 

(missed both doses at 10.20pm )

 

sweating,surges.acid in veins.terror crying shaking.heart pains.

took the 1mg of Valium at 1..30am when I came round abit. Symtoms settles for a few hours.

Had breakfast 6.30am surge of indescribable pain in chest area.S/I no intent but thoughts of I can’t take this suffering much longer on loop.so weak & out of it.

 

At this point I think have lost control.trying to do things to distract is near impossible as it’s thst intense.

 

7.30 am crying infact sobbing.

feel like am trapped.

8.30am 2mg Valium 

 

Its getting unbearable.

lack of sleep is starting to get to me!

one very de-stabilised CNS which won’t settle 

can’t get stable either.

 

Dont know if it’s interdose.Paradoxil 

tolerance to mirt 

or I have crashed well & truly 

will keep tracking symtoms 

🙏🏻

[pinkfairy]

Wednesdays symtoms the same no change.

 

woke at 4am all the same symtoms as previous.

 

have noticed when I eat my body seems to go into more symtoms & today loose bowls all day long (sorry) 

 

something as to give.i feel like am going to snap in half.

I am physically,mentally & emotionally spent.

 

was trying to paint but the pain was extremely bad.Managed a espom salt bath but struggled to get out.

Really over whelmed with it all.Lost the ability to even talk in that much pain.

 

No let up at all.

A year holding & had 2 month stability last year.

 

I am just getting progressively sicker.

[powerback]

Hope your riding them waves as best you can pink.

Did you manage to do the anti histamine diet.

take care.

 

[pinkfairy]

On 2/27/2019 at 1:42 PM, powerback said:

Hope your riding them waves as best you can pink.

Did you manage to do the anti histamine diet.

take care.

 

Hi pb 

all the symtoms just the same.

 

so confused as no clue what is going on any more.Struggling to get out of bed as so sick.

 

Thanks for asking.

 

yeah I have cut out all foods 

but can barely eat with out wanting to be sick.so losing weight a lot.

 

Hope your ok ♥️Cxx

[bubble]

So sorry to hear you are in this horrible wave Pink! I know it doesn't feel like that but you are handling these extreme symptoms with exceptional strength. I'm sure you must have raked your brain looking for reasons about what might have caused that (any food, substance, maybe some medication or supplement) but very often they just come out of the blue, as a delayed wave and our only solution is to stay calm and wait for it to pass. Because it will pass!

 

I think you have reached considerable stability through holding (especially when compared with this acute state) and it seems to me this is still a good strategy (especially since you tried a small cut in November and saw it made things even worse). It might be a Paxil wave… Whatever it is I hope it starts abating soon! Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.  

[pinkfairy]

7 minutes ago, bubble said:

So sorry to hear you are in this horrible wave Pink! I know it doesn't feel like that but you are handling these extreme symptoms with exceptional strength. I'm sure you must have raked your brain looking for reasons about what might have caused that (any food, substance, maybe some medication or supplement) but very often they just come out of the blue, as a delayed wave and our only solution is to stay calm and wait for it to pass. Because it will pass!

 

I think you have reached considerable stability through holding (especially when compared with this acute state) and it seems to me this is still a good strategy (especially since you tried a small cut in November and saw it made things even worse). It might be a Paxil wave… Whatever it is I hope it starts abating soon! Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.  

Thanks so much bubble.

 

just feel as though I am so lost & have derailed to I don’t know where.

 

Lots of past regrets coming up how I should be there for my son protecting him etc. It’s heart ache & a yearning for me to have him home.Tears so many but it’s healing in action.I am just basically taking it minute to minute.i never knew a human body could sustain this amount of suffering.

 

i know what’s happened I have got caught up in a spiral.No warning of it coming,it’s just swept me up in it.The more I try to get out of it the more I sink.So I am aware of where I am at.Its the sleep what’s brutal.its always 3am & hell brakes loose.I won’t lie I am frightened at this point.It feels as though it’s insanity on a tight rope.

 

At this point I can’t even lift my head of the pillow.Thank you for your kind words & stopping by 

 Mummy bubble 💐

[bubble]

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

have derailed to I don’t know where.

 

just to let you know you are still very much here: you reached out to me, understood what is my main concern and provided a spot on support. You are keeping on top of an extremely difficult situation that not many people around here have found themselves in and I really admire you.

 

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

Lots of past regrets coming

does it help thinking about this (particularly its intensity) as neuroemotions? I would read that thread over and over. Now I'm mostly able to dismiss such thoughts as a symptom instead of believing them.

 

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

It’s heart ache & a yearning for me to have him home

I missed the part which says where is your son staying atm. He has his mom who loves he very much and he knows that. This is just a temporary solution. Kids are very resilient and he will come out of it stronger. Parents and mothers are only human and get ill for various reasons. But you are still there for him and that's all that matters.

 

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

t’s healing in action.I am just basically taking it minute to minute

I think framing things in the context of healing is extremely helpful and shows how much practicing all the coping skills has paid off for you. Very few people are able to adopt that view so give yourself some credit for that.  What kind of spiral did you get caught in?

 

When I can identify the reason for my struggles I find it easier to bear with them. If you were in some kind of emotional turmoil time will lessen the intensity. Be gentle with yourself and keep applying all the self-soothing  strategies that work as an icepack on inflammation.

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

won’t lie I am frightened at this point.It feels as though it’s insanity on a tight rope.

It's perfectly understandable that you are frightened  because this is the extreme of human condition which affects the core of who we are. But you are still all there. It's just a horrible storm raging on the surface. You are still there in the depths of your being (I liked that visualisation: of a vast and calm ocean under stormy seas…) Resting and keeping your head on a pillow might be what your brain needs while it is consuming all that additional energy for repair work. So no need to feel bad about it. It's great that you had enough energy to deal with your nutrition….

 

I'm very optimistic about you….

[jonnypeters1234567]

You are showing immense courage Pink.

 

X

[pinkfairy]

On 3/1/2019 at 11:41 AM, bubble said:

just to let you know you are still very much here: you reached out to me, understood what is my main concern and provided a spot on support. You are keeping on top of an extremely difficult situation that not many people around here have found themselves in and I really admire you.

 

does it help thinking about this (particularly its intensity) as neuroemotions? I would read that thread over and over. Now I'm mostly able to dismiss such thoughts as a symptom instead of believing them.

 

I missed the part which says where is your son staying atm. He has his mom who loves he very much and he knows that. This is just a temporary solution. Kids are very resilient and he will come out of it stronger. Parents and mothers are only human and get ill for various reasons. But you are still there for him and that's all that matters.

 

I think framing things in the context of healing is extremely helpful and shows how much practicing all the coping skills has paid off for you. Very few people are able to adopt that view so give yourself some credit for that.  What kind of spiral did you get caught in?

 

When I can identify the reason for my struggles I find it easier to bear with them. If you were in some kind of emotional turmoil time will lessen the intensity. Be gentle with yourself and keep applying all the self-soothing  strategies that work as an icepack on inflammation.

It's perfectly understandable that you are frightened  because this is the extreme of human condition which affects the core of who we are. But you are still all there. It's just a horrible storm raging on the surface. You are still there in the depths of your being (I liked that visualisation: of a vast and calm ocean under stormy seas…) Resting and keeping your head on a pillow might be what your brain needs while it is consuming all that additional energy for repair work. So no need to feel bad about it. It's great that you had enough energy to deal with your nutrition….

 

I'm very optimistic about you….

Wow thank you so much bubble means so much.💕 

 

just a spiral where it’s taken my feet from under me.It just crept up so I couldn’t even change the channel.I just keep looping am not going to make it.Am paralized with fear!At the utter mess I am in.Nothing is changing,I am just stuck.each year I am getting more weaker.The drugs are making me sick.

 

My son as had to go stay at my aunts 4 days week.Its been devastating for us both.Its like we are two strangers now.I can’t even go there my entire life as been ripped apart!

 

Its just getting beyond horrific.One of these drugs is doing this.I don’t know if the mirt as turned on me.But you can Guarantee 2.30am - 3.30am massive cortisol surges.

 

i am beyond delirious.i keep walking into door frames I am that out of my mind with lack of sleep!I don’t like where I am at,this no sleep is taking me to very dark places.

 

i am due on a monthly so everything does ramp up.

 

Something has happened with one of these drugs.Nothing is changing but getting worse!i don’t know my head from bum.

 

I have been doing eft tapping.

meditations!

talking myself down at 2.30am.

 

i just want to run away  

 

Thanks again for your kind words ♥️ 

 

Sorry i am just beside my self with worry.

 

Hope you & little bubble are ok xxxx

[pinkfairy]

On 3/5/2019 at 3:06 PM, jonnypeters1234567 said:

You are showing immense courage Pink.

 

X

Thank you for stopping by Johnny means a lot 💕 

 

hope your coping 🙏🏻 Xx

[pinkfairy]

My mirt brand as just changed 

 

10 tablets now weigh in at 

0.157

0.152

0.150

0.146

0.152 

0.152 

0.149

0.151 

0.154 

0.150 

 

there the 15mg tablet 

does any body know please what weight I would now have to take to get to 7.5mg 

 

i bought a pestol & mortar to get a fine crush So was weighing them out & was putting them in 00 capsules are these size ok for the mirt please?

 

i rang my doctor & these were only the mirt there disrupting.

 

Many thanks 🙏🏻 

 

 

 

 

[jonnypeters1234567]

Right where you are pink bed ridden, vibrating body 24/7 electricity anxiety and akathisia x1000. Insomnia Dp Dr What is this. i don't think there's any illness that's worse than this. Body at its rawest form

 

Edited September 2, 2019 by ChessieCat
reworded obscenity

[bubble]

How are you doing? It was nice to see your post for Powerback.

[pinkfairy]

Hey bubble lovely of you to stop by and ask thank you really appreciated.

 

I do hope your well,not long now then mummy time ❤️.

 

Well after along debate with myself & others I went for reducing the mirtazpine.The Valium taper has not been touched has I really needed to give my gaba receptors some healing time.

 

since I started reducing the mirt,my sleep has gone up to 6 hours 🙏🏻 Even in a reduction.

i found a love in art work.I go for reiki healing now has well.

(She comes to my home)Still see my therapist with out fail.

 

I started at 0.075 mg that’s the weight.

i will be down to 0.060 weight  has of Thursday.

Doing 3% drops it’s my sweet spot any more I can’t tolerate it.

 

Battle fatigue for sure. But learning so much has I go along.

Treating my self a lot kinder.Learning boundaries & how to say no. Accepting has been the key in this.I am on this road and there’s getting off until the road is travelled.

 

I had very good teachers with the mods of this sight.At the time I wasn’t in the place or headspace to listen.Now I understand perfectly clear what needs to be done to survive this road.

 

Am in for the long haul. But I try not to look at the destination it’s all about the journey & today is all anybody has.

 

I keep having windows my last one lasted a full 7 & half hours my jaw ached from smiling that day.

Its was precious.

precious moments will add up to a precious life time.

 

I try advert my eyes off the mountain and just concentrate on each step in front of me.

 

 

Really lovely to hear from you ❤️💐

 

[Shep]

15 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

I keep having windows my last one lasted a full 7 & half hours my jaw ached from smiling that day.

 

Wonderful to read, Pink. Glad you're finding your way home. 

[pinkfairy]

That comment coming from you shep means the world.

 

Because I used to see you say it others & I used to think I wonder if I will ever find my way.I was lost so very lost,but it’s not until we lose our selfs can we find our selfs.

 

I now have confirmation from a very great teacher.

That I am finally on my way 

 

Thank you for everything ❤️💐

 

 

[Frogie]

I’m so glad to hear your doing well.

 

That was a wonderful post 🌹

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

[bubble]

This really made me very happy. You are a fighter and I knew you would find a way home as Shep so nicely put it. I know you still have a long way to go but now you know how to do it and I believe the worst is behind you. 

 

It's great that you are able to reduce and that these small and controlled reductions are improving your baseline. How is your son doing? We still have 4 weeks to go but he needs to take his time and I will put up with all the discomforts

[waves12]

Hi pinkfairy 

Just catching up on your thread and noticed such a change for you in this month. Wondering how you got from your very bad time to your recent way of being? You seemed to have had a massive turnaround and wanted to ask you if you changed your mental approach or if you just started feeling better after your reduction?

Waves 

[pinkfairy]

On 9/3/2019 at 1:53 PM, Frogie said:

I’m so glad to hear your doing well.

 

That was a wonderful post 🌹

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

Thanks for stopping lovely.

It was short lived sadly but WD has it’s strange twists and turns.

we keep soldiering on my friend 

hope you are okay 💐 xxx

[pinkfairy]

On 9/3/2019 at 4:49 PM, bubble said:

This really made me very happy. You are a fighter and I knew you would find a way home as Shep so nicely put it. I know you still have a long way to go but now you know how to do it and I believe the worst is behind you. 

 

It's great that you are able to reduce and that these small and controlled reductions are improving your baseline. How is your son doing? We still have 4 weeks to go but he needs to take his time and I will put up with all the discomforts

Thank you so much bubble.

i think the eye of that storm is behind me but always fearful of going back there.Sorry for the late reply I got my maths wrong on this reduction and did a 6.5% reduction. I am coming up to nearly three weeks into it.

Still very low mood and waves of grief but it is what it is & I will not be doing my calculations wrong again.

 

Oh his doing well considering everything that has happened.

he has adjusted to it.He his on all the sports teams for schools 😁

really proud of him the way he has handled it all.He comes and stays 3 days a week still. Ache for him home full time (one day)

Teenager next year bubble so we have the Kevin & Perry attitude going on at the moment lol.

But honestly his good has gold and he keeps me going.

 

 

well how many weeks now mama?

Bet you can’t wait to meet him.

you will make a fantastic mummy ♥️ We send all our love and well wishes for the safe arrival of him 🥰 & also healing light for you too.

you going to be just fine.

when he his placed in your arms WD will fade because the love you will feel will blow fear out of the water xxxxx

[pinkfairy]

On 9/10/2019 at 7:39 PM, waves12 said:

Hi pinkfairy 

Just catching up on your thread and noticed such a change for you in this month. Wondering how you got from your very bad time to your recent way of being? You seemed to have had a massive turnaround and wanted to ask you if you changed your mental approach or if you just started feeling better after your reduction?

Waves 

Hi waves thanks for stopping by.

I am in your name right now (wave)

 

The million dollar question and a good one too.

 

I think it was a big combination of things.

I do believe I was in tolerance to the mirtazpine.Plus I was shown on Skype how to taper etc by a friend.So I was in control and knew how to reduce etc (apart from this last blip)Once I started reducing I felt so many symtoms drop off.

I still suffer every day and struggle but....

Acceptance was huge.I fought like cat and dog against it all I couldn’t accept it.The last time I had the crisis team out because of S/I they did nothing.From that day forward something switched in my head hard to explain.

There was swear words of course.

I had two options surrender or the other.was just not an option.

 

I feel mentally stronger but my body’s very sick still.

 

I distract a lot has am housebound still really.But I fill up on positive stuff has much has I can.This road is dark and lonely so got to search for glimmers of light.

 

i hope you are coping xxxx

 

 

[bubble]

3 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

well how many weeks now mama?

Bet you can’t wait to meet him.

you will make a fantastic mummy ♥️ We send all our love and well wishes for the safe arrival of him 🥰 & also healing light for you too.

you going to be just fine.

when he his placed in your arms WD will fade because the love you will feel will blow fear out of

 

It's so beautiful to read about your son! Difficult experiences make us tougher and stronger they say. I understand about the miscalculation. But you are handling it very well.

 

Thank you so much for your beautiful words and well wishes! Still have 3 weeks to go or we could just make it a bit shorter and safer and go with a c-section. The doctor is not sure yet. I can't wait of course and can't believe it's actually happening

 

Lots of love and hope you stabilise soon.

[pinkfairy]

27 minutes ago, bubble said:

 

It's so beautiful to read about your son! Difficult experiences make us tougher and stronger they say. I understand about the miscalculation. But you are handling it very well.

 

Thank you so much for your beautiful words and well wishes! Still have 3 weeks to go or we could just make it a bit shorter and safer and go with a c-section. The doctor is not sure yet. I can't wait of course and can't believe it's actually happening

 

Lots of love and hope you stabilise soon.

Bubble after this we will be made of steel.

I really thought I had done 3% but when it hit I thought woah hang on. Checked it over with a friend & it was 6.5%.My mind feels strong but my body is rebellious right now.I find this drug has a lot of gi disturbances.So have made batches of fresh ginger hot water leave to cook for 30 minutes and you have a potent anti sickness drink.Its working. Too big of a cut for me my sleep has fractured.But will hold until stable.

 

yes his sleeping out tonight at a friends they went to a big water park today.His doing so much better this really makes my heart happy.A couple of services have dropped away too has they were happy at how much he has come along. I aren’t under the MHT team no more left awhile ago.

Worst thing I ever did was walk into that shrinks office 2016.

But it’s happened no going back just forwards.Dont get me wrong there’s times when the grief hits because of the lost years an everything that has happened but we’re human it’s normal too.

I don’t beat myself up if I go back and revisit (always in a reduction)

I allow what ever arises now to just be.I still get the hopeless feelings has it’s along road already.

Life it’s strange with its twists and turns sadly we just have to play this hand some how until we get to where we are going ♥️

Lol sorry bubble it’s a write up.

 

 

wow 3 weeks that is so so amazing to hear.What ever route you decide to take with the little man just know it will all be worth it & so much more. He his going to have a very wise,loving intelligent mummy waiting to bring him into this world.

i wish you every single bit of success bringing into this world.

you have so got this 💕

 

sending you so much love from one mama to another 💐

[pinkfairy]

Hello 💛

This drop has been a huge lesson.

my body has not handled a 6.5% drop in one go. Sleep has gone from 7 hours to near zero,inner  aka ramped up all day.So dealing with a very destabilised CNS.

Hopefully at the peak of it now & hopefully starts to abate.

I have had my legs up the wall a Epsom salt bath & Cried a lot too.

Just got to wait for it to settle.

This is some deep healing going on 🌈

 

 

I am just throwing around ideas for a micro taper seen has though am at a low dose of mirt hit 6mg mark.

I wouldn’t be able to take bits away daily has I would be frightened of the accumulation.

My dose weighs 0.060 that’s the weight now.

 

Would this work 

week one ~0.059

week two ~0.058

week three 0.057 

week four ~0.056 

HOLD

 

If not I will just proceed with the cut & hold method.💛

 

Getting calculations correct is a must in this 😮

 

Thank you 💐

[pinkfairy]

Update...

There seems to be a bit of stability coming.The intensity has gone down a notch (thank you god)

still in mega pain throughout my body.

But got up & dressed & had a reiki session (bliss)

 

My body is rejecting nicotine I can feel it.

I can feel a big shift of change coming.

I did this with street drugs I just got to a point where I called it a day I knew I was done ✅ nothing changes if nothing changes.

I am at a point where am sick of been sick.I feel like I am straining at a leash for another shift in this journey (I don’t mean with meds)

i mean on a deeper level.

my old ways won’t open new doors .The old coping skills are no longer serving me.I am abit of all or nothing person.Hense the abality to turn our life’s around 2014 with no help.

something is pulling me & it seems bigger than myself.

 

no idea what is going on but am tired of poisoning myself and just hurting myself over and over.

 

Still very symtomatic so waiting and holding for has along has it takes.

i have just purchased a new book “own your self” by kelly brogan.

Got my son home and extra day this week has well.

my precious boy and the new book arrive tomorrow..

 

💛

[pinkfairy]

EDIT...not 2014 sorry benzo brain.

when my son was little I turned it all around same pull again 💛

[powerback]

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

Got my son home and extra day this week has well.

my precious boy and the new book arrive tomorrow..

 

cool ,loads to look forward too .

🙏