☼ pinkfairy: rapid taper of Paxil

[powerback]

Today is the darkest for a long time for me but im up making dinner and food prepping ,I deseaded 2 pomegranates for my chia pudding yesterday standing with my back in agony,fiddly things lol.

Im mashing my carsnip(carrot and parsnip) and its a worm out lol.

Keep the good memories in your heart ,its the way out of all this .

 

[pinkfairy]

Oh sorry p.b I hope it honestly passes for you real soon!

 

wow check you out your like Gordon Ramsey lol chi pudding 

now you eat seriously well p.b 

puts me to shame lol...

 

I used to eat like a queen when I worked but it’s hard to get real good stuff on sick benefit 

but I try though.

 

i love mashed squash with salt & pepper.Was mashing some the other day & thought I was going to keel over 🙈!

cartsnip lol never heard that like haha.

 

well it’s safe to say I feel like have been tasered all over or plugged into the national grid for good measures.lol 

 

p.b it’s those happy memories what cause me the most distress...

i need to get out of this spiral am slipping back into....am aware it’s there.The harder I try to not go there 

the more I go there 

 

Think we need to electric chairs at the ready.ha 

xxx

[powerback]

12 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Oh sorry p.b I hope it honestly passes for you real soon!

 

wow check you out your like Gordon Ramsey lol chi pudding 

now you eat seriously well p.b 

puts me to shame lol...

 

I used to eat like a queen when I worked but it’s hard to get real good stuff on sick benefit 

but I try though.

 

i love mashed squash with salt & pepper.Was mashing some the other day & thought I was going to keel over 🙈!

cartsnip lol never heard that like haha.

 

well it’s safe to say I feel like have been tasered all over or plugged into the national grid for good measures.lol 

 

p.b it’s those happy memories what cause me the most distress...

i need to get out of this spiral am slipping back into....am aware it’s there.The harder I try to not go there 

the more I go there 

 

Think we need to electric chairs at the ready.ha 

xxx

I get you about the good memories giving you the worst pain ,its like we are taunting ourselves .be aware its an obsession ,focus on these few days with your son .

Take care pink im off to netflix land for the night .

Peace .

[pinkfairy]

Thanks p.b for the reminder it is taunting to the max 

 

I will do I am blown out  for on line gaming with his friends.

But I will try my dam best with my son to be pressant 

 

hate the dam pharmaceutical drugs with a passion 

 

Enjoy 

take care 

xxx

[pinkfairy]

3am woke up huge adrenaline surges 

panic attack,I feel numb like really bad shell shock...dissociative type of state...joints aching so bad but it feels like my blood as acid in.heart racing wanting to rip my skin off 

 

have done deep breathing & laid with my son while he slept hugging Him & talking to myself reasurrung myself over & over..

 

i feel like I did before I went into hospital 

is this what they call a set back or wave...my heads fried.

 

I haven’t been awake since 3am since 3 months ago...

 

Could this be the antibiotics I don’t know what’s going on ???i just don’t feel good I feel like am been poisoned or something...massive surges there unreal...

 

many thanks in advance xxx

[powerback]

2 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

3am woke up huge adrenaline surges 

panic attack,I feel numb like really bad shell shock...dissociative type of state...joints aching so bad but it feels like my blood as acid in.heart racing wanting to rip my skin off 

 

have done deep breathing & laid with my son while he slept hugging Him & talking to myself reasurrung myself over & over..

 

i feel like I did before I went into hospital 

is this what they call a set back or wave...my heads fried.

 

I haven’t been awake since 3am since 3 months ago...

 

Could this be the antibiotics I don’t know what’s going on ???i just don’t feel good I feel like am been poisoned or something...massive surges there unreal...

 

many thanks in advance xxx

Ah crap pink,are you on them 3 times a day,2  months ago when I had my chest infection I was only on 1 tab a day .its worth ringing the doctor to say this to him ,maybe he could reduce the dose.

Tell surgery its an emergency.

[pinkfairy]

2 minutes ago, powerback said:

Ah crap pink,are you on them 3 times a day,2  months ago when I had my chest infection I was only on 1 tab a day .its worth ringing the doctor to say this to him ,maybe he could reduce the dose.

Tell surgery its an emergency.

 

Thanks p.b yea 3xs a day 500mg each tab 

have rang Er but they said keep taking them as the doctor instructed am (basically shut up)

give me strength...

 

have taken these before no problem I feel dreadful 

i don’t know what to do 

keep gritting it out for another 4 days am climbing walls 

 

thanks p.b xxx

[powerback]

Dose seems very strong but im no DR thats for sure .

If it says take with food ,force a meal down ye with them .

Hope it passes pink.take care.

[pinkfairy]

Thanks p.b I always eat with any meds Hun.But thank you...

 

things have eased up abit,had to get dressed & go for a food shop my friend who I see takes me to do one it’s only human I see...

 

but I did it pushed through it.But boy the pain is off the scale.

 

Panic as faded for now.But my word last night & this morning was unreal thanks for been there xxx

 

did you go to the docs for pain meds?xxx

[powerback]

Your welcome pink ,give yourself credit for geting out,appointment was yesterday ,I canceled it and the dentist ,very bad day ,I spent most of it in bed ,nice sunny walk today tho ,another bad day but better than yesterday I suppose.

[powerback]

How you today pink ,sending healing comfort across the Irish sea 🙏.

Take care .

[pinkfairy]

Hey how you doing p.b

Sorry to hear you cancelled.I hope today as brought you a little bit of peace some how....

 

knock on wood..The huge surges have stopped.🙏🏻

I am wondering if it was the start up of them with me been so sensitive.Who knows in this p.b 

 

been looking at my untidy kitchen for a good while now.So this morning i just did it,cleaned & mopped it..stick a fork in me am done!I hate having that thing where I think every thing as to be perfect,it’s really bad.Like if it’s not correct am a crap person.

 

Plus am starting to get so stressed out about foods it’s like I have to have a fixation on something 😐

 

prob so I don’t have to look at myself!

i hope today treats you kind p.b 

because you deserve it 

 

I have been to Ireland before for & hen weekend I feel in love with the place.

 

sending healing power from across the North Sea 🙏🏻

 

Thank you for asking 

Think am going to do a paint by numbers this aft.

In this journey you really have to keep climbing that hill.Am exhausted with climbing from my whole life never mind this battle...but they say once we get to the top the view is breath taking 

 

so let’s keep going 

xxx

[powerback]

3 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Hey how you doing p.b

Sorry to hear you cancelled.I hope today as brought you a little bit of peace some how....

 

knock on wood..The huge surges have stopped.🙏🏻

I am wondering if it was the start up of them with me been so sensitive.Who knows in this p.b 

 

been looking at my untidy kitchen for a good while now.So this morning i just did it,cleaned & mopped it..stick a fork in me am done!I hate having that thing where I think every thing as to be perfect,it’s really bad.Like if it’s not correct am a crap person.

 

Plus am starting to get so stressed out about foods it’s like I have to have a fixation on something 😐

 

prob so I don’t have to look at myself!

i hope today treats you kind p.b 

because you deserve it 

 

I have been to Ireland before for & hen weekend I feel in love with the place.

 

sending healing power from across the North Sea 🙏🏻

 

Thank you for asking 

Think am going to do a paint by numbers this aft.

In this journey you really have to keep climbing that hill.Am exhausted with climbing from my whole life never mind this battle...but they say once we get to the top the view is breath taking 

 

so let’s keep going 

xxx

Focus on a fixation that heals you pink .just be mindfull of it not scared of it .

When im on my walks ile always be listening about health in some form but some walks its nice to not listen to anything .

Take care pink.

[pinkfairy]

2 hours ago, powerback said:

Focus on a fixation that heals you pink .just be mindfull of it not scared of it .

When im on my walks ile always be listening about health in some form but some walks its nice to not listen to anything .

Take care pink.

Yeah that’s what I need to do not be scared of it...

 

oh oh I cannot wait till I can go out & just walk...just had to sell my cross trainer  can’t even do that..

 

just ordered ghee,nut butter & raw coca powder for what kelly brogan puts in her smoothies 

she puts two raw egg in...can we really eat raw yolks?🙈

 

i stayed away away from the collagen to scared to try it...

ya never know I might get these smoothies down me & I could be running in afew weeks lol or either clucking like a chicken from the eggs  

 

Am praying I can sleep tonight as my sleep as gone to pot again.Stress does it for me but can’t be avoided unless I go live in the woods 

take it easy 

xxx

[powerback]

31 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Yeah that’s what I need to do not be scared of it...

 

oh oh I cannot wait till I can go out & just walk...just had to sell my cross trainer  can’t even do that..

 

just ordered ghee,nut butter & raw coca powder for what kelly brogan puts in her smoothies 

she puts two raw egg in...can we really eat raw yolks?🙈

 

i stayed away away from the collagen to scared to try it...

ya never know I might get these smoothies down me & I could be running in afew weeks lol or either clucking like a chicken from the eggs  

 

Am praying I can sleep tonight as my sleep as gone to pot again.Stress does it for me but can’t be avoided unless I go live in the woods 

take it easy 

xxx

Raw yolks would depend on your senitvity to types of foods ,do the smoothies but use it as a stepping stone to.understanding nutrition .

Im actually off eggs for 90 days ,im wondering how they were affecting me .

Get collagen from both broth ,very good for ye .

Geting rid of the trainer is a good thing ,youl never beat an outdoor walk ,nearly lost my cool with an ignorant dog walker today lol,mother and daughter natering away while there 3 dogs came barreling down steps towards me ,I.just stood still and they ran around me as if I was a lampost lol.I had the arguement in my own head ,its safer .

I had my chia pudding siting by the sea in the sun today , yummy lol.

I.hope you sleep pink ,you deserve it.

[pinkfairy]

44 minutes ago, powerback said:

Raw yolks would depend on your senitvity to types of foods ,do the smoothies but use it as a stepping stone to.understanding nutrition .

Im actually off eggs for 90 days ,im wondering how they were affecting me .

Get collagen from both broth ,very good for ye .

Geting rid of the trainer is a good thing ,youl never beat an outdoor walk ,nearly lost my cool with an ignorant dog walker today lol,mother and daughter natering away while there 3 dogs came barreling down steps towards me ,I.just stood still and they ran around me as if I was a lampost lol.I had the arguement in my own head ,its safer .

I had my chia pudding siting by the sea in the sun today , yummy lol.

I.hope you sleep pink ,you deserve it.

Am ok with eggs p.b 

to be honest my body is that smashed with stress I couldn’t tell you what affects me & what doesn’t....but I eat eggs most days...this morning I had & omelette with fried garlic & peppers on a bed of spinach (garlic can’t seem to get enough)

 

Have noticed with all the trauma I can’t seem to go into my own body like I don’t feel safe.I am wondering if any body else as experienced this I can’t meditate as I don’t feel safe enough too...

 

i know Roland bell & expert on trauma as guided meditations to ease you back into your body,there pricey though...look him up his got some great books.

 

oh hell good job they didn’t (you know what up your leg)thinking you were the lamp post lol...

that sounds perfect...I can’t function to go out p.b body says no no can’t function to walk far this is what’s soul destroying not walking I would walk for miles on end.one day I will that I do know...

 

how do you do your pudding?you eat unreal.I am healing to much stress on myself trying to juggle surviving,what foods & trying to skills.Plus run a home & trying to parent 4 days a week...Wish I just wish I had help some tines to take some of the weight off...people say leave your house etc I can’t sit in a dirty home it’s not me.i did pay for a cleaner when the crap hit the fan..but had to stop as I couldn’t afford one!But it seems I am trying to juggle to much again,an not knowing which ball will drop where...I don’t want to crash never again.If I lived totally alone I wouldn’t care about my home been a tip tbh while am going through this.But I can’t have my son coming home to pig sty....plus am constantly stressing as our relationship is going.He can’t look me in the eye & it breaks my heart.I want him home but cannot manage yet...there’s so much anger on his part but how the hell do you get a child to understand this madness.Its taken everything from me..it’s not a spiral it’s the truth I just don’t go to far into it...but hell who wouldn’t be devastated there only child isn’t with them.Then when he his he is angry,but that’s hurt!I reassure him I love him more than life itself.

Am enduring this because of him..

 

Any how sorry for the ramble think I need a counsellor prompt 😕 

i say to much but I wear my heart on my sleeve & I can’t change that it’s who I am...not good really as it’s that,prob why I ended up here...sometimes in this life been nice can get you know where!Have noticed it seems to be the biggest & kindest souls who go through this torment...yet murders etc don’t even suffer this hell....so much injustice...

but when we get through this the bigger picture will unfold as to why we had to go through it!!i just know  that if I can save another person from going through this then it’s not in vain!I want to help others after this is over pay it forward...

 

Theres going to be a pot of gold at the end of this...

hiw we navigate it & get there is the hard part!We go armed & keep going...our tools what we learn are our ammo against this....

 

man i do talk rubbish 😕 you can

 

tell I see nobody & am a loner 

 

Or thanks p.b sleep deprivation makes this 1000x worse...

 

you keep on keeping on & sorry for the essay xxx

 

 

[powerback]

13 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Am ok with eggs p.b 

to be honest my body is that smashed with stress I couldn’t tell you what affects me & what doesn’t....but I eat eggs most days...this morning I had & omelette with fried garlic & peppers on a bed of spinach (garlic can’t seem to get enough)

 

Have noticed with all the trauma I can’t seem to go into my own body like I don’t feel safe.I am wondering if any body else as experienced this I can’t meditate as I don’t feel safe enough too...

 

i know Roland bell & expert on trauma as guided meditations to ease you back into your body,there pricey though...look him up his got some great books.

 

oh hell good job they didn’t (you know what up your leg)thinking you were the lamp post lol...

that sounds perfect...I can’t function to go out p.b body says no no can’t function to walk far this is what’s soul destroying not walking I would walk for miles on end.one day I will that I do know...

 

how do you do your pudding?you eat unreal.I am healing to much stress on myself trying to juggle surviving,what foods & trying to skills.Plus run a home & trying to parent 4 days a week...Wish I just wish I had help some tines to take some of the weight off...people say leave your house etc I can’t sit in a dirty home it’s not me.i did pay for a cleaner when the crap hit the fan..but had to stop as I couldn’t afford one!But it seems I am trying to juggle to much again,an not knowing which ball will drop where...I don’t want to crash never again.If I lived totally alone I wouldn’t care about my home been a tip tbh while am going through this.But I can’t have my son coming home to pig sty....plus am constantly stressing as our relationship is going.He can’t look me in the eye & it breaks my heart.I want him home but cannot manage yet...there’s so much anger on his part but how the hell do you get a child to understand this madness.Its taken everything from me..it’s not a spiral it’s the truth I just don’t go to far into it...but hell who wouldn’t be devastated there only child isn’t with them.Then when he his he is angry,but that’s hurt!I reassure him I love him more than life itself.

Am enduring this because of him..

 

Any how sorry for the ramble think I need a counsellor prompt 😕 

i say to much but I wear my heart on my sleeve & I can’t change that it’s who I am...not good really as it’s that,prob why I ended up here...sometimes in this life been nice can get you know where!Have noticed it seems to be the biggest & kindest souls who go through this torment...yet murders etc don’t even suffer this hell....so much injustice...

but when we get through this the bigger picture will unfold as to why we had to go through it!!i just know  that if I can save another person from going through this then it’s not in vain!I want to help others after this is over pay it forward...

 

Theres going to be a pot of gold at the end of this...

hiw we navigate it & get there is the hard part!We go armed & keep going...our tools what we learn are our ammo against this....

 

man i do talk rubbish 😕 you can

 

tell I see nobody & am a loner 

 

Or thanks p.b sleep deprivation makes this 1000x worse...

 

you keep on keeping on & sorry for the essay xxx

 

 

Essay away pink ,absolutely no worries.

Keep chipping away at helping yourself pink and then that will help others,weI can waste time helping others that arent even conscious of there own issues,

I got a bit obsessed trying to help and "save " my brother .but im in a far worse state than him so I think it can be a form of avoidance of our own pain.

I love him but hes im a very dark pain body statw that I cant do anything about.

Be selfish and work on you .

Im not that great of a cook ,im a long time at it but im doing better at introducing better and healthier qaulity ,give me an addiction to healthy eating over drink any day lol.

Take care . 

[pinkfairy]

On 9/30/2018 at 10:18 AM, powerback said:

Essay away pink ,absolutely no worries.

Keep chipping away at helping yourself pink and then that will help others,weI can waste time helping others that arent even conscious of there own issues,

I got a bit obsessed trying to help and "save " my brother .but im in a far worse state than him so I think it can be a form of avoidance of our own pain.

I love him but hes im a very dark pain body statw that I cant do anything about.

Be selfish and work on you .

Im not that great of a cook ,im a long time at it but im doing better at introducing better and healthier qaulity ,give me an addiction to healthy eating over drink any day lol.

Take care . 

Am so sorry about your brother p.b 

it makes it harder to reach esp while going through this...I hope your doing ok 

sorry it’s short today....

 

getting slammed feel like I did before I went into hospital 

don’t know if it’s a set back or a wave.Had my son for the weekend we did nothing but argue this as triggered so much stuff 

 

this **** has taken so much from me ie been the mum I was!I don’t recognise myself it’s turning me into somebody an not...holding isn’t helping...I just want to be the parent to my son I never had.This is making me into the parents I didn’t have!!!i know it’s the drugs as I was such a good loving mum before this breaks me more than the WD

 

i do this cut & levek out stay at a dose for a period of time then hell brakes loose it’s like my body needs to drop or something 

sorry just rambling hope am going to be ok.

keep fighting pb 

sending healing thoughts to you pink xxx

[powerback]

5 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Am so sorry about your brother p.b 

it makes it harder to reach esp while going through this...I hope your doing ok 

sorry it’s short today....

 

getting slammed feel like I did before I went into hospital 

don’t know if it’s a set back or a wave.Had my son for the weekend we did nothing but argue this as triggered so much stuff 

 

this **** has taken so much from me ie been the mum I was!I don’t recognise myself it’s turning me into somebody an not...holding isn’t helping...I just want to be the parent to my son I never had.This is making me into the parents I didn’t have!!!i know it’s the drugs as I was such a good loving mum before this breaks me more than the WD

 

i do this cut & levek out stay at a dose for a period of time then hell brakes loose it’s like my body needs to drop or something 

sorry just rambling hope am going to be ok.

keep fighting pb 

sending healing thoughts to you pink xxx

Thanks pink ,my heart bleeds for you ,it really  does ,keep working away at the guilt ,it needs to be  dropped  ,I'm doing more work on this lately ,it will be a daily exercise for years to come  .you'll have to force yourself to remember them feelings of being the mum you were and will be in the future.

Its so tricky about the tapering and holding .

My mind is really going over the top with questioning this whole process ,I've had extreme anxiety back that I remember 10 years ago but I have serious tools now to help but today was extremely hard ,had some work on today  and  my anxiety, brain fog and critic  were  very strong .Anxiety will be my demon to tame for my whole life ,I see this now .

 

Have you updated your signature I can work it out .

 

can you switch off by watching tv ,I did this the weekend and I chilled out .

Look over the success story's ,find something to cling to and relate to  ,I wonder always what will put  the fire out in my brain ,off meds or up meds but I've held for a year so I have to keep going ,its torturous but we cant see into the future ,we thrash ourselves over the past though why is It like that ,its time to see a positive future through this hell .

Sending hugs over the Irish sea .

[Steve61]

@pinkfairy Hi PF. You were kind enough to drop by and wish me well and support me in the past. Returning the favour. I believe this is how we finally get drug free, supporting each other. Sorry, that you are having such a hard time. I empathise. The last month has been hard for me but I do feel as if I am stabilising a little these last couple of days. I’ve been holding for a while now and Im in no rush to taper again.   You will be okay PF. Acceptance snd patience are the keys that will free us. 

 

I dont know if you have read Lossleaders story. The link is below. It gave me so much hope.  Steve xx

 

[pinkfairy]

18 hours ago, powerback said:

Thanks pink ,my heart bleeds for you ,it really  does ,keep working away at the guilt ,it needs to be  dropped  ,I'm doing more work on this lately ,it will be a daily exercise for years to come  .you'll have to force yourself to remember them feelings of being the mum you were and will be in the future.

Its so tricky about the tapering and holding .

My mind is really going over the top with questioning this whole process ,I've had extreme anxiety back that I remember 10 years ago but I have serious tools now to help but today was extremely hard ,had some work on today  and  my anxiety, brain fog and critic  were  very strong .Anxiety will be my demon to tame for my whole life ,I see this now .

 

Have you updated your signature I can work it out .

 

can you switch off by watching tv ,I did this the weekend and I chilled out .

Look over the success story's ,find something to cling to and relate to  ,I wonder always what will put  the fire out in my brain ,off meds or up meds but I've held for a year so I have to keep going ,its torturous but we cant see into the future ,we thrash ourselves over the past though why is It like that ,its time to see a positive future through this hell .

Sending hugs over the Irish sea .

Thanks p.b 

mine as so much to do with my child.The anger I feel is killing me off...Not towards my son towards everything that as stopped me been a mum!

i do not know where this rage as come from it’s insideous...I want my child home,but am to sick to have him home!When his crying he wants to come I can’t handle it.So I start thrashing it’s the spiral & it’s bashing away...I feel like I could lift a car it’s that bad!The stress of doing it alone,trying to learn new things,cooking & my sweet child not been here is sending my CNS into a frenzy..

 

The drug is eating my soul away.The linger this goes on the more hacked off I am becoming.

its devasting when I was doing so well.One small trigger set a total train wreak off...

its internal aka & am tortured beyond belief.

am so sorry about your anxiety I have had it my whole life too,so your not alone!Mine was growing up with physical & emotional abuse...started with panic attacks at 12 after my mum died...

 

Have tried but I can’t fit anymore on my signature?i am at 4mg of diazepam!

I got a taper plan off una Corbett but it’s for liquid & tablet...

 

only thing is is I didn’t get along with liquid.So am stumped as I don’t know how to get off any how.

sleep as gone to dog turd again.

 

seriously not in a good place.

 

sending you huge hugs back & thank you so much xxx

[pinkfairy]

1 hour ago, Steve61 said:

@pinkfairy Hi PF. You were kind enough to drop by and wish me well and support me in the past. Returning the favour. I believe this is how we finally get drug free, supporting each other. Sorry, that you are having such a hard time. I empathise. The last month has been hard for me but I do feel as if I am stabilising a little these last couple of days. I’ve been holding for a while now and Im in no rush to taper again.   You will be okay PF. Acceptance snd patience are the keys that will free us. 

 

I dont know if you have read Lossleaders story. The link is below. It gave me so much hope.  Steve xx

 

Thanks so much for stopping by Steve it means a lot that you both have...I am sorry it’s been hard for you.But am soooo glad your stabilising...

 

Support is defo a good thing while going through this.

 

Its my son I am going nuts I want him home but not strong enough.

 

Acceptance am struggling with this at the moment.But it’s what makes this journey easier!Am angry & I need to let it go,it’s like years & years of suppressed rage is coming up.The more I am trying to push it back down the more it’s biting.I don’t know how to calm it down.sorry just in a right mess with it all.

 

thank you so much for that I will take a read...Xxx

[powerback]

5 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Thanks p.b 

mine as so much to do with my child.The anger I feel is killing me off...Not towards my son towards everything that as stopped me been a mum!

i do not know where this rage as come from it’s insideous...I want my child home,but am to sick to have him home!When his crying he wants to come I can’t handle it.So I start thrashing it’s the spiral & it’s bashing away...I feel like I could lift a car it’s that bad!The stress of doing it alone,trying to learn new things,cooking & my sweet child not been here is sending my CNS into a frenzy..

 

The drug is eating my soul away.The linger this goes on the more hacked off I am becoming.

its devasting when I was doing so well.One small trigger set a total train wreak off...

its internal aka & am tortured beyond belief.

am so sorry about your anxiety I have had it my whole life too,so your not alone!Mine was growing up with physical & emotional abuse...started with panic attacks at 12 after my mum died...

 

Have tried but I can’t fit anymore on my signature?i am at 4mg of diazepam!

I got a taper plan off una Corbett but it’s for liquid & tablet...

 

only thing is is I didn’t get along with liquid.So am stumped as I don’t know how to get off any how.

sleep as gone to dog turd again.

 

seriously not in a good place.

 

sending you huge hugs back & thank you so much xxx

get journaling Pink,get it all out of your soul  ,I was going through a binder yesterday with full of stuff I keep notes on for all kinds of things and I came across a note I had written to my little niece ,I had  written it on a reflective day  but it welled me up with positive emotion ,stop believing you don't deserve peace and happiness because we do ,happiness is simply the opposite of feeling crap but for some reason and "chemically" we lean to the misery .[not a judgment on you of course pink ,a bit flippant but it fascinates me ].

 

The anxiety I have back from many  years ago will be tackled very differently ,I'm aware of it ,I know what it is ,I don't drink ,I try not to be self critical ,but its hard work ,I've had 2 days in work were it raged but I'm conscious of it .as I said anxiety will be my cross to bare for ever ,I need to accept this ,im getting better at not saying the first thing that comes into my head ,I had a bit  of fawning today witch I don't like but its a process .

Sorry pink I'm rambling .

You will be well again ,trust you will.

Ile check in tomorrow ,take care .

 

[powerback]

Sending hugs pink ,your in there behind this darkness ,we all are .im telling myself this as I write ,

Thinking of you .🙏

[pinkfairy]

On 10/9/2018 at 6:52 PM, powerback said:

get journaling Pink,get it all out of your soul  ,I was going through a binder yesterday with full of stuff I keep notes on for all kinds of things and I came across a note I had written to my little niece ,I had  written it on a reflective day  but it welled me up with positive emotion ,stop believing you don't deserve peace and happiness because we do ,happiness is simply the opposite of feeling crap but for some reason and "chemically" we lean to the misery .[not a judgment on you of course pink ,a bit flippant but it fascinates me ].

 

The anxiety I have back from many  years ago will be tackled very differently ,I'm aware of it ,I know what it is ,I don't drink ,I try not to be self critical ,but its hard work ,I've had 2 days in work were it raged but I'm conscious of it .as I said anxiety will be my cross to bare for ever ,I need to accept this ,im getting better at not saying the first thing that comes into my head ,I had a bit  of fawning today witch I don't like but its a process .

Sorry pink I'm rambling .

You will be well again ,trust you will.

Ile check in tomorrow ,take care .

 

Hi p.b I have been journaling try to find out where I have gone wrong to end up in a mess again...

 

thats beautuful about your neice p.b!You are a sweet soul.

no your not rambling p.b....ramble away as we say lol....

 

Sleep gone out the window getting 3-4 hours again.Really in the thick of it.Trying to stop my self going back down the hole.

Watching films,bays webnairs.Espom salt baths.played with my dogs hiding there treats in the house...panicking as I keep slipping back down.

 

That fawn action I have done all my life p.b it’s not a nice one.

 

i have had my son home & extra day Wish as been beautiful seeing him.But have had to admit I am struggling with & extra day  so his going back to my aunts & I will have him 3 days again.I just want to be a mum p.b I want my son home it’s killing me tbh.But I aren’t well enough to parent.When is this going to end  So depressed right now because of the situation but I am trying with all I have to stay afloat here!

 

Hope your coping p.b 

sending you a hug from the north seas xxx

[pinkfairy]

On 10/10/2018 at 5:43 PM, powerback said:

Sending hugs pink ,your in there behind this darkness ,we all are .im telling myself this as I write ,

Thinking of you .🙏

We are behind the clouds were in there some where 🙏🏻

 

Jeesh this wave as sent me flying so wasnt expectiing it.

 

Going to paint today & just breath xxx

[pinkfairy]

Forced myself out of this house with my dogs..was like I was in a 3D world.Was not inside my head though,I was looking at all the leaves 🍁!loved been out but That hurt doing it,but I can’t just lay & go down hill.

came home my son had put the pots away ♥️ My hearts heavy.

 

off to bang my head off every door  lol 🙈 (joking)

 

i am ok,I am safe & “this two shall pass” 

xxx

[powerback]

9 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Forced myself out of this house with my dogs..was like I was in a 3D world.Was not inside my head though,I was looking at all the leaves 🍁!loved been out but That hurt doing it,but I can’t just lay & go down hill.

came home my son had put the pots away ♥️ My hearts heavy.

 

off to bang my head off every door  lol 🙈 (joking)

 

i am ok,I am safe & “this two shall pass” 

xxx

great pink ,I love autumn ,ah so cute a good on your son. If ide the energy ide go for a hike in the rain today . 

[powerback]

3 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Hi p.b I have been journaling try to find out where I have gone wrong to end up in a mess again...

 

thats beautuful about your neice p.b!You are a sweet soul.

no your not rambling p.b....ramble away as we say lol....

 

Sleep gone out the window getting 3-4 hours again.Really in the thick of it.Trying to stop my self going back down the hole.

Watching films,bays webnairs.Espom salt baths.played with my dogs hiding there treats in the house...panicking as I keep slipping back down.

 

That fawn action I have done all my life p.b it’s not a nice one.

 

i have had my son home & extra day Wish as been beautiful seeing him.But have had to admit I am struggling with & extra day  so his going back to my aunts & I will have him 3 days again.I just want to be a mum p.b I want my son home it’s killing me tbh.But I aren’t well enough to parent.When is this going to end  So depressed right now because of the situation but I am trying with all I have to stay afloat here!

 

Hope your coping p.b 

sending you a hug from the north seas xxx

Ah thanks pink ,I think I mite have a decent soul lol,withdrawl is doing a good job of burning it but we deserve peace and some happiness ,too much happiness could have us in the doctors office for a different med in this world lol.

She said to me I love you uncle " before I left the other week and I'm welling up here thinking about ,I deserve her love and we all do from each other  .keep at it pink and pushing forward when you can .

Learn to parent that inner child yourself ,we all do .your doing your best with your son ,stay away from the white washed  world of social media for your healing ,the self absorbed on fakebook will be still there when this is all over for us  .

Peace .

[pinkfairy]

7 hours ago, powerback said:

Ah thanks pink ,I think I mite have a decent soul lol,withdrawl is doing a good job of burning it but we deserve peace and some happiness ,too much happiness could have us in the doctors office for a different med in this world lol.

She said to me I love you uncle " before I left the other week and I'm welling up here thinking about ,I deserve her love and we all do from each other  .keep at it pink and pushing forward when you can .

Learn to parent that inner child yourself ,we all do .your doing your best with your son ,stay away from the white washed  world of social media for your healing ,the self absorbed on fakebook will be still there when this is all over for us  .

Peace .

P.b I will get back to you am not ignoring you but have eaten Piza first time in 2 years & gone into acute symtoms.Could be the Piza I have no idea but the sweat is pouring out of me!!

 

right off to hold on to my seat & buckle up!

will respond to you when I can get back on.My eye sights going 

holy cow brain zaps galore not had them in forever!!

**** am rambling 

take care xxx

[powerback]

12 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

P.b I will get back to you am not ignoring you but have eaten Piza first time in 2 years & gone into acute symtoms.Could be the Piza I have no idea but the sweat is pouring out of me!!

 

right off to hold on to my seat & buckle up!

will respond to you when I can get back on.My eye sights going 

holy cow brain zaps galore not had them in forever!!

**** am rambling 

take care xxx

Oh japers you poor thing ,hope it ends soon ,not long awake and in bits myself .

Take care .

[powerback]

Hi pink I wanted to check in see you and hope your ok .

🙏.

[pinkfairy]

Hey p.b thank you for asking after me...💕💕💕!Have been an idiot thinking I was ready to try a little cut now it’s bank fired so badly.xxx

 

how are you?🙏🏻 I need the mods help or anybody’s...

 

i thought i would try a 1.5 % cut to test the waters as I felt ready. 

 

I asked a dear dear friend to help with the figures.I cut on the 5th of November...I don’t know where am at or what cut have done.

 

Its coming up to day 8 & I just would like to know if I can go back up?my body is not ready,my mind is ok but my body is having acute symptoms. What the hell have I done.I got scared about tolerance...

 

can somebody see how much of a cut I have done please...

.164  morning 

1mg afternoon 

1mg night time 

 

i was on 4mg have I done a 1.5% cut?if so I am not ready to try a tiny cut like for a very long time...

 

can i I go back up?Thank you.💕💕

 

 

[pinkfairy]

In the mean time to cope I have been drawing,painting & journaling.Taking Epsom salt baths for the cramps & deep breathing & basically just getting from the next five minutes to the next... I am seriously kindled.I don’t even see a way off this stuff. How can a 1.5% start to make you crash...I do not get it! No S/I thoughts,or I aren’t freaking out about freaking out.I just know the red flags & they have all gone up. The pain is indescribable!Panic attacks on even getting out of bed..All my symtoms are physical not mental.

 

honestly how a tiny cut can do this as my mind more boggled than normal.

 

Very perplexed pink 

xxx

 

[Kostas]

12 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Hey p.b thank you for asking after me...💕💕💕!Have been an idiot thinking I was ready to try a little cut now it’s bank fired so badly.xxx

 

how are you?🙏🏻 I need the mods help or anybody’s...

 

i thought i would try a 1.5 % cut to test the waters as I felt ready. 

 

I asked a dear dear friend to help with the figures.I cut on the 5th of November...I don’t know where am at or what cut have done.

 

Its coming up to day 8 & I just would like to know if I can go back up?my body is not ready,my mind is ok but my body is having acute symptoms. What the hell have I done.I got scared about tolerance...

 

can somebody see how much of a cut I have done please...

.164  morning 

1mg afternoon 

1mg night time 

 

i was on 4mg have I done a 1.5% cut?if so I am not ready to try a tiny cut like for a very long time...

 

can i I go back up?Thank you.💕💕

 

 

Hi, 

I am not a mod, but my calculations are as following :

The 1,5% of 4 mg is 4×0.015=0.06.

So if you want to cut by 1.5% and you take 4 mg, then the dose you should take should be

4-0.06=3.94mg. 

Currently you are taking 2.164 mg. 

But please wait an answer from a knowledgeable mod. 

Take care. 

[pinkfairy]

2 minutes ago, Kostas said:

Hi, 

I am not a mod, but my calculations are as following :

The 1,5% of 4 mg is 4×0.015=0.06.

So if you want to cut by 1.5% and you take 4 mg, then the dose you should take should be

4-0.06=3.94mg. 

Currently you are taking 2.164 mg. 

But please wait an answer from a knowledgeable mod. 

Take care. 

Thank you for getting back to me I really appreciate it...I aren’t no good with maths at all. 

 

So so I don’t understand anything,I always get mods to help me with my taper.

 

I asked a friend this time around.I thought I was ready!My mind was,my body was not quite clearly now...

 

my average weight of a pill is .175 so my friend took 1.5 % off & got a weight of .164 

 

Thank you again for your help.I am difficult to help I know that because I don’t do maths 😖!

 

But that cut as blasted me out of my socks.

xxx