☼ pinkfairy: rapid taper of Paxil

[Shep]

Just now, pinkfairy said:

Thank you shep I will have a read up on that.I am looking into changing my diet but it’s adding more stress not knowing what to eat.

 

I hear people say of a 3 year wave.Its 3 years I am off Paxil.

 

Yes, it could very well be a 3 year wave from the Paxil. 

 

As Jonnypeters wisely noted, it could be dietary. You're also dealing with mirtazapine, which affects histamine receptors. 

 

Perhaps instead of not know what to eat, it may help to know what to eat. By that I mean googling "low histamine diet" and picking foods off that list. This will get you start. From MindBodyGreen.com - Everything You Need to Know About Histamine Intolerance: 

 

Quote

 

Here's a list of low-histamine foods:

 

freshly cooked meat, poultry (frozen or fresh)

freshly caught fish

eggs

gluten-free grains: rice, quinoa

pure peanut butter

fresh fruits: mango, pear, watermelon, apple, kiwi, cantaloupe, grapes

fresh vegetables (except tomatoes, spinach, avocado, and eggplant)

dairy substitutes: coconut milk, rice milk, hemp milk, almond milk

cooking oils: olive oil, coconut oil

leafy herbs

herbal teas

 

 

[pinkfairy]

5 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Yes, it could very well be a 3 year wave from the Paxil. 

 

As Jonnypeters wisely noted, it could be dietary. You're also dealing with mirtazapine, which affects histamine receptors. 

 

Perhaps instead of not know what to eat, it may help to know what to eat. By that I mean googling "low histamine diet" and picking foods off that list. This will get you start. From MindBodyGreen.com - Everything You Need to Know About Histamine Intolerance: 

 

 

Shep you are a absoulate diamond 💎 Thank you 🙏🏻 I have just eaten & my symtoms have ramped up.

 

Yes with it been a low dose it does those receptors.I feel like a toxic bomb.I have just had to ring the doctors as I have noticed yesterday my brand of mirt as been changed also.

 

I feel in a big goobly go mess.

 

I just phoned our local fish monger who life’s over the back from me to start eating fresh fish instead of supermarket!

 

If it’s histamine it would explain The redness all over.I know since the rash started I went down hill pretty quick.One minute making progress the next knocked off my feet.

 

Thank you so much again xxxx

 

[Shep]

You're welcome, Pink, but also thank Johnnypeters because he zoned in on the diet. 

 

Let us know how you do as you make the appropriate dietary changes. 

[pinkfairy]

2 minutes ago, Shep said:

You're welcome, Pink, but also thank Johnnypeters because he zoned in on the diet. 

 

Let us know how you do as you make the appropriate dietary changes. 

Thank you Jonny Peters 🙏🏻🙂

Even my face is flushing after food it’s never done that.

Thank you shep for the food list.

Have just been on the phone to our fish monger & butchers.I am just writing a list to stick on my fridge for the foods I can eat (between blurry eyes & been tortured).

 

Going to keep notes & post a symtom journal of everything.See what’s what.

 

Heres to climbing back out of the entangled web.🙏🏻

Xxx

[jonnypeters1234567]

It's probably mast cell activation, which ssris cause. I've got it. With a low histamine diet I don't have too much issues. When I have meat that has been already cooked, bananas, chocolate etc I itch so bad and my head races etc.

[pinkfairy]

10 minutes ago, jonnypeters1234567 said:

It's probably mast cell activation, which ssris cause. I've got it. With a low histamine diet I don't have too much issues. When I have meat that has been already cooked, bananas, chocolate etc I itch so bad and my head races etc.

Thanks Johnny I was eating bananas every day & high histamine foods.But it’s got so severe now with break outs all over.xxx

[pinkfairy]

Mackerel is high in histamine 

oh are...I love it & eat it often with sardines.

 

List is up on my fridge.

some symptoms have fallen away this tea time thank you god.🙏🏻

 

I have got  my child ❤️ Home for the weekend ♥️ ! Cannot wait till he can come back to me where he belongs 

 

stay safe & look after your selfs.May that window open for every one xxxx

 

 

[pinkfairy]

I have just had a light bulb moment...

while I have been on mirt 7.5mg I have always split the pill.

But little did I know all pills weigh differently.An if the pill cutter as not cut it precious in half,then I have been taking different weights each night.

 

i have just weighed 10 pills out 

1) 0.143 

2)0.146

3)0.140

4) 0.138 

5)0.151 

6)0.151

7)0.145

8)0.141

9)0.145

10)0.132 

so can any body help with the average weight of these pills please & how much I should be taking each night.There might be improvements if the medication is actually weighted correctly!

 

Many thanks 

xxxxx

[eymen23]

Pinkfairy,

 

Just to confirm, you are taking 15mg Mirtazapine tablets and cutting them in half? Have you always used the pill cutter without weighing the dosage?

 

The average of those 10 pill weights is 0.143 and half of that (rounded up) is 0.072 or 72mg.

 

Using a pill cutter can lead to taking inconsistent doses. I use a pill cutter and Gemini-20 scale, and when I was taking 5mg (half the 10mg Escitalopram tablet), the weight of the two 'halves' could differ by as much as 12%.

[pinkfairy]

9 hours ago, eymen23 said:

Pinkfairy,

 

Just to confirm, you are taking 15mg Mirtazapine tablets and cutting them in half? Have you always used the pill cutter without weighing the dosage?

 

The average of those 10 pill weights is 0.143 and half of that (rounded up) is 0.072 or 72mg.

 

Using a pill cutter can lead to taking inconsistent doses. I use a pill cutter and Gemini-20 scale, and when I was taking 5mg (half the 10mg Escitalopram tablet), the weight of the two 'halves' could differ by as much as 12%.

Thank you for stopping by eyman 🙏🏻

 

Yes I have never weighed the dose out.I just assusumed I was ok doing it this way.

 

wow 12% is a lot.

i need my drugs all sorting out etc like taking the same dose each night.

can you crush mirt up to get to the weight?i have capsules.

or is best to weigh it out whole.

 

Cannot believe I only just clicked last night.That I was just cutting them each night.

honestly thank you again xxx

[Shep]

6 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

i need my drugs all sorting out etc like taking the same dose each night.

can you crush mirt up to get to the weight?i have capsules.

or is best to weigh it out whole.

 

Yes, you would crush the pills up. You can either do it individually with a single pill or you can crush up an entire batch of pills and use an average. 

 

If you are struggling and don't feel up to doing averages, you may want to start out with one pill, which will provide you with two doses.

 

Crush the pill into powder and then weigh it. Divide that weight by 2. That is the amount you'll want to take for each of the two doses. 

 

 

[pinkfairy]

1 hour ago, Shep said:

 

Yes, you would crush the pills up. You can either do it individually with a single pill or you can crush up an entire batch of pills and use an average. 

 

If you are struggling and don't feel up to doing averages, you may want to start out with one pill, which will provide you with two doses.

 

Crush the pill into powder and then weigh it. Divide that weight by 2. That is the amount you'll want to take for each of the two doses. 

 

 

Thank you 

 

i have just tried to crush a pill up.wow there actually not good at crushing up.What ever is covering mirt just sticks in clumps.Its like them sweets flying frizbies.Or parchment paper.It sticks to the powder quite bad.

my lord it honestly makes me question what the actual hell was I putting in my body for decades & not batting & eye lid.

So shall I cut  the whole pill in half to get a whole 7.5 mg

it doesn’t matter about waste as my doctor things I am taking 15mg.

Have tried will 3 pills now & same just keeps happning. 

I tried to take it off after they were crushed on one of them & the pill powder flicked in the air.

 

The Valium pills are easy to crush up as there not encased in anything.

 

Thanks again shep.

only taken over 2 & half years to realise they aren’t getting weighed correctly.

 

My mission is too get my diet sorted.Take mirt correctly & take back control of my own health.

 

Thanks again xxx

[Leo1983]

Hi Pinkfairy. 

 

Just to let you know you can 100 % get Mirtazapine oral solution. 

 

You may ask your prescriber to allow you this. Again, they may question why? Because of the extra cost to tge NHS however that were you tell them you want tonreduce safely and it will only be temporary ro prescribe liquid. 

 

Good luck 

[pinkfairy]

2 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi Pinkfairy. 

 

Just to let you know you can 100 % get Mirtazapine oral solution. 

 

You may ask your prescriber to allow you this. Again, they may question why? Because of the extra cost to tge NHS however that were you tell them you want tonreduce safely and it will only be temporary ro prescribe liquid. 

 

Good luck 

Thanks Leo 

 

But have tried oral for the diazepam & it was a horror show for me.

At this point am sticking to pills as my body knows what’s in them.I don’t want to start messing around 

with liquids.I aren’t wanting to reduce I just need to get my night doses equal.

 

my poor brain & body as been through way to much to introduce a liquid.I just want to get things as stable as possible at this point & try & work my way out of the mess I have landed in.

 

Thanks so much though for the advise.

 

Xx

[pinkfairy]

I am doing a symtoms journal as I think something as seriously turned with these drugs...

Saturday 

had 4 hours sleep woke up at 3.45 am.racing heart,racing thoughts.sweating high anxiety...calmed down at 6.30 am.felt some normality even took my dog out for 5 minutes.Felt some good feelings.

7.30 breakfast.

8.30 2mg diazepam 

10.30am feeling of high panic,everything creepy.jumping at noises.revved up like energy building.no motivation,heavy limbs.Air hunger.

11am snack—headache,noise sensitive depression a feeling of been trapped.cant concentrate feel like everything is out of control.blurry vision.

12.30 feel like my nerves are on fire.jaw tightness.

dinner..jumping out of my skin head is racing 

1 o’clock lowering of symtoms 

 

3.30..diazepam 

4.oclock bad depression feelings of doom & despair confusion.

5.30 have tea. DR/DP

nerve pain,burning in legs body like cement but revved up.i am freezing but warm.

9pm stomach pains,feels like loss of reality agitated & wired.hallucnating really frightened.

10.20pm take mirt & valium

sunday 

1am woke to heart racing,massive adrenaline surges.High terror & energy building.limbs sore & heavy.burning skin stomach pains.upset stomach,jumping out of my skin.agitated really revved up.acid feeling in my veins

suffering inhumanly 

 

8am highly anxious have breakfast  Dry mouth.body like cement.sore joints & muscle tightness 

 

to be continued.

 

 

[Leo1983]

Hi pink.

 

Bless you.

 

Have you seen your Gp for a check? Bloods and ECG may be a good choice. 

 

Im in no means attempting to scare you. Just rule other stuff out. 

 

Then you can move fwd from there. 

 

Maybe a discussion around your medication with someone might also help?

 

 

[pinkfairy]

Hi Leo 

thanks for stopping by 💐

 

I had bloods done last week & a ecg last year in July.

 

leo they would only say up my mirt or they said just stop your diazepam out right it’s “such a small dose”

At this point reintroduing any more drugs would send me totally insane or worse.

 

Honestly it’s just me doing this alone.I am digging so very deep to entangle from this mess I am in.

 

It’s a big mess got my son suffering from anxiety from it all.asking when he can come back etc.I am trying with everything I have got to stay afloat.

 

coping skills yesterday meditating 4x through out the day.

espom salt bath.

prepping dinner & tea 

journaling with my left hand.

Did some chores.

listened to & audio book.

Then it just got so bad around 9 I couldn’t do anything apart from just hold on basically.stopping spirals a lot yesterday as well.

 

the lack of sleep is just getting to me now.If any body is reading this 

dont let your WD brain hook on to my story.🙏🏻

 

Nothing is changing at all.Well that’s a lie because my soul is fighting back & I want too sort this mess out.

so I am going to take notes & hopefully see what’s causing what.

 

100% on this because I have had enough of suffering at this intensity!

 

i want my son home so I will do anything to make that happen.

xxx

[Shep]

9 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

I am doing a symtoms journal as I think something as seriously turned with these drugs...

 

Please include the dose amount for each drug.

 

When was your last reduction?

[pinkfairy]

Sorry 2mg 8.30am 

1mg 3.30pm 

10.20pm 1mg & 7.5mg these times never falter.

 

my last reduction was Feb 2018 then had trauma in February so it sent me into orbit.so my last reduction was Feb 2018 what I saw through.

Tried one in November 2018 2% But lasted one week before reinstating it again.Not touched anything left well alone.

 

Xxx

 

 

[pinkfairy]

Sunday carried on from Saturday..

 

8.30 am 2mg of Valium 

9.30am head ache,nasel congestion 

lowering of inner agitation 

feel like a skinned cat.

10am delirious intrusive thoughts 

chest tightness 

nerve pain up spine.Heavy limbs.jelly legs.feeling revved up but exhausted.

feelinhs of anger & rage.confusion to the point of dementia.

12 o’clock.agitated 

squirming inside my own body.Want to burst out of my own skin.

1pm dinner 

crying in pain.

extreme weakness.

1.30 pm fell asleep for 30mins 

nightmares.woke up disoriented (toxic nap) all over body pain.Was too weak to get up.

 

3.30pm 1mg Valium 

4pm DR/DP

depression heavy limbs 

4.30 tea 

feel sick terror & doom.Sat frozen in fear.

5.30 pm warm but freezing.

7pm feeling like am losing my sanity so so tired.

feel dissociatived,air hunger 

stomach pains.

 

8pm suffering goes up a whole new level.Always get so intense from 7 pm onwards.

10.20pm 1mg Valium.7.5mg mirt 

fell asleep 11.30pm 

vivid dreams 

(Monday)7

woke up at 3.30am 

stomach pains,confusion.sweating.heart going quick.feel so over whelmed.mind racing intrusive thoughts.DR/D/P stuffed up nose 

 

7.20am high energy building inside 

all over bone pain.Feel like have drunk 2 bottles of vodka.

7.40am breakfast 

lower back pain.Had to get dressed & go out side.Did mindful walking lasted 7 mins body to heavy.Thoughts going a million miles an hour.Really over whelmed with everything.

 

8.30am 2mg diazepam.

 

Xxx

[Shep]

16 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

my last reduction was Feb 2018 then had trauma in February so it sent me into orbit.so my last reduction was Feb 2018 what I saw through.

Tried one in November 2018 2% But lasted one week before reinstating it again.Not touched anything left well alone.

 

Thanks, Pink. I've updated your signature to reflect this. 

 

How are you feeling with the new changes in your diet (removing high histamine foods)? 

[pinkfairy]

4 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Thanks, Pink. I've updated your signature to reflect this. 

 

How are you feeling with the new changes in your diet (removing high histamine foods)? 

Thank you shep 💐

 

I aren’t noticing much different at the moment.But have just purchased a steamer.Have been reading up it locks  nutrients in better.Still covered head to toe in the rash.

 

Have elimated all high histamine foods.So fingers crossed I start to see improvements.I have just done & on line food shop.for all fresh veggies & low histamine foods.Got butchers meat also & been drinking hot fresh ginger water.As the ginger reduces inflammation.

 

it will prob take abit to empty the histamine bucket.Thank you for asking.I aren’t happy with the smoking it’s around 7 a day.

i feel my body just doesn’t want them.But I took your advise before as to not stop as it’s another WD...

 

something as shifted in me for sure.As I didn’t think I was worth this battle.But it’s old patterns & beliefs.I really am worth getting better.

 

Also I was watching some birds out side yesterday it was so windy over here & I thought if that bird keeps pushing through that wind it’s going to drop from exhaustion.But I watched as it changed course & just glided & took a different route.It would get to where it was going eventually with different turns & twists along the way.

 

Heres hoping for profound healing for every body on this journey 💕

[powerback]

2 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Thank you shep 💐

 

I aren’t noticing much different at the moment.But have just purchased a steamer.Have been reading up it locks  nutrients in better.Still covered head to toe in the rash.

 

Have elimated all high histamine foods.So fingers crossed I start to see improvements.I have just done & on line food shop.for all fresh veggies & low histamine foods.Got butchers meat also & been drinking hot fresh ginger water.As the ginger reduces inflammation.

 

it will prob take abit to empty the histamine bucket.Thank you for asking.I aren’t happy with the smoking it’s around 7 a day.

i feel my body just doesn’t want them.But I took your advise before as to not stop as it’s another WD...

 

something as shifted in me for sure.As I didn’t think I was worth this battle.But it’s old patterns & beliefs.I really am worth getting better.

 

Also I was watching some birds out side yesterday it was so windy over here & I thought if that bird keeps pushing through that wind it’s going to drop from exhaustion.But I watched as it changed course & just glided & took a different route.It would get to where it was going eventually with different turns & twists along the way.

 

Heres hoping for profound healing for every body on this journey 💕

great post pink .

Im here myself looking up the "the auto immune protocol"way of eating  ,its about healing the gut ,its extreme but I'm tying it for a while .

Great you go out this morning  ,the brighter mornings are great hey .

Take care 👍🙏.

[pinkfairy]

Pb oh wow I hope it goes awesome.My brains way to mush to understand any of that 🙈

 

So I am just going fruit,veg & meats just low histamine ones.

 

Pb It was a change the channel job.I thought I was going insane.I never go out as I struggle.I thought fresh air quick lol.

 

I planted some flowers in November some tulips & daffodils.There coming through already..Just goes to show.There planted in dirt & dark.But push through all that soil.

 

Hope things are easing up for you 🙏🏻.

 

ps a good juice for stomach lining 

celery in a juicer drink on & empty stomach on a morning.

Also carrots & ginger help the tummy.apple cider vinegar 3x a day 20 mins before a meal.

 

i can’t do the vinegar.But going to try the others.

xxxx

[powerback]

26 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Pb oh wow I hope it goes awesome.My brains way to mush to understand any of that 🙈

 

So I am just going fruit,veg & meats just low histamine ones.

 

Pb It was a change the channel job.I thought I was going insane.I never go out as I struggle.I thought fresh air quick lol.

 

I planted some flowers in November some tulips & daffodils.There coming through already..Just goes to show.There planted in dirt & dark.But push through all that soil.

 

Hope things are easing up for you 🙏🏻.

 

ps a good juice for stomach lining 

celery in a juicer drink on & empty stomach on a morning.

Also carrots & ginger help the tummy.apple cider vinegar 3x a day 20 mins before a meal.

 

i can’t do the vinegar.But going to try the others.

xxxx

Great stuff pink ,keep at it .

Im getting smashed this morning so I better rest .

Take care .🙏.

[pinkfairy]

2 minutes ago, powerback said:

Great stuff pink ,keep at it .

Im getting smashed this morning so I better rest .

Take care .🙏.

Hold on p.b as hard as it is.Just know this is healing in action.When were hardest hit that’s when we must not quit.Just hold on with all you have.

I pray 🙏🏻 a window opens so soon for you.

Take care xxx

 

i am out of it with lack of sleep myself.So going to go bunker down.

 

 

[pinkfairy]

Monday...

9.30am lowering of symtoms 

went quite manic thoughts dashing all over.cant concentrate 

10.30am managed to do some chores & a food shop on line.

12 o’clock.

depression a feeling of doom.High anxiety 

blurry vision.Feel revved up but so tired.

1.30am dinner.

headache feel really sick.

inteysive thoughts.agitated.needing to move around but so weak to do so.

2pm fell asleep.But heard electricity as though my eyes were darting from side to side.Toxic nap.

2.30 pm woke up no idea where I was.feel sick.light & noise sensitivity.Heavy limbs.

3.30 pm 1mg Valium 

4.40pm DR/DP sets in total panic.

stimach pains burning.

 

5.30pm feel out of body.Had tea.feel sick.terror.

7.30pm difficulties standing.Traces off things when I move my arms.Seeing things what aren’t there.Shallow breathing.crying as in so much pain S/I as feel hopeless.stomach pains in tummy.Cold but warm.

felt really unsafe so went & got a blanket & laid on the sofa wilth a film on.

10.30pm 1mg Valium & 7.5mg of mirt.

fell asleep at 11.40pm 

woke at 3.30am 

heart racing.sweating pure dread & despair.intrusive memories.crying as had horrid dreams.stomach pains.burning skin.

8am Floaters.feel so sick & out of it.So weak intrusive thoughts.

8.30am 2mg of Valium 

 

xxx

[Leo1983]

Hi Pink.

 

I see you slept slightly longer. 

 

I know it is very difficult for you and i know first hand how it is. But can you try to push yourself out with the dog teice a day?? Stay awake during the day and keep as busy as your legs will let ya. I know ur unwell. Sleep is key!.

 

Mod will have to help with meds. 

 

Can you not get any support at all for yourself? X

 

 

[pinkfairy]

Hi lee...Hope your managing.

 

Am just exhausted from having to do everything at home.Just cooking for myself 3xs a day is exhausting.Then I have the worry of my son who is not good & not with me.I am frightened I push & it back fires it’s what stops me going out.

i don’t know if I am doing to much already.

 

I have tried turned over every stone.Theres nothing.People just say there’s only what can do this.

i know that but it would be nice the day my body is in so much pain that I don’t have to cook.i am just really frightened as it’s my 3 rd year & am sicker than ever.sorry for a negative post but you get tired of hurting after so long.

 

But I wonder if going out will push me or make me worse?

 

If it was justvme alone going through this.The journey would be a lot easier.I would only have me to think of.My child is hurting so I am hurting.One minute is at home the next the bedroom is empty.I wake up with a silent scream each day.

 

i don’t know what am even doing as am so tired xxx

[pinkfairy]

We have lots of old people living at the back of me .So I am going to paint some rocks today,an put on them little messages of love for them & tonight when it’s dark go leave them on there door step.

 

Xxx

[Leo1983]

Hi.

 

I understand that i really do. 

 

Can i share something with you....

 

My withdrawal is very bad.... however yours is worse i would say. Rightly so you have a very long drug history as we discussed. However from a trigger point of view listen to this.

 

I have to work 40hrs a week and have done for 9 months. I have had panic, bosses at me, meetings and dealing with mentally unwell people... its has killed me. 

 

I have a son 8 and a daughter 12 who know dads not right but dont understand. I make effort and i cry when im alone as i cant believe i have no emotion or enjoy them like i did.

 

I have to have them and cook and keep my house. 

 

I walk when i can with my dogs but i hate seeing ppl. I used to be the local gossip. Dog walking friends. Now im like odd bod. The loner. But i do it. 

 

My legs ache my body is stiff. But i keep getting up feeling awful shower and leave the house. 

 

My point is its awful and i get it. But the more normal you keep your life the better you will get. 

 

Just do what you can but push yourself to achieve. 

 

Slay the beast until he dies......

 

When you can " Ride the wave of change, or we will find ourselves beneath it ".

 

Chin up. 

[pinkfairy]

17 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi.

 

I understand that i really do. 

 

Can i share something with you....

 

My withdrawal is very bad.... however yours is worse i would say. Rightly so you have a very long drug history as we discussed. However from a trigger point of view listen to this.

 

I have to work 40hrs a week and have done for 9 months. I have had panic, bosses at me, meetings and dealing with mentally unwell people... its has killed me. 

 

I have a son 8 and a daughter 12 who know dads not right but dont understand. I make effort and i cry when im alone as i cant believe i have no emotion or enjoy them like i did.

 

I have to have them and cook and keep my house. 

 

I walk when i can with my dogs but i hate seeing ppl. I used to be the local gossip. Dog walking friends. Now im like odd bod. The loner. But i do it. 

 

My legs ache my body is stiff. But i keep getting up feeling awful shower and leave the house. 

 

My point is its awful and i get it. But the more normal you keep your life the better you will get. 

 

Just do what you can but push yourself to achieve. 

 

Slay the beast until he dies......

 

When you can " Ride the wave of change, or we will find ourselves beneath it ".

 

Chin up. 

I am truly sorry your having to endure this & what your going through.Its devastating on all levels.

 

But things like this make me feel like I aren’t trying hard enough.

Believe me I try to stay the hell alive 24/7...I have to get through the next 5 mins then the next.If I didn’t try I wouldn’t be here,had of gone ages ago.If I go out walking had be all over it.To be honest this post as made me feel like ****.

 

 

This might offend am truly sorry if it does but there is different levels of this hell.

i am totally disabled by it all.If I push I get S/I & the pain goes beyond unreal.

 

so do I just bite the bullet & push till I drop or soothe my CNS at home.

 

I have 20 years of phy meds under my belt.AD for 17 years then I was CT off those.z drug 4 years CT off that & a benzo to measure for a good kick in.Some days just getting out is a huge achievement.

 

i do know what your saying & thank you.

 

xxx

[Leo1983]

Awww pink no.

 

I was trying to empower you. Certainly not make you feel like ****. I think you know that. 

 

I was trying to help not make ypu feel bad. 

 

I was just saying i know your very unwell but keep pushing best you can xx

[pinkfairy]

11 minutes ago, Leo1983 said:

Awww pink no.

 

I was trying to empower you. Certainly not make you feel like ****. I think you know that. 

 

I was trying to help not make ypu feel bad. 

 

I was just saying i know your very unwell but keep pushing best you can xx

 

No it’s ok.I just get confused if I am meant to be pushing.I don’t know any more.When I push I get more messed up.I want nothing more in this world to function.

Xxx

[Leo1983]

I know. X

 

[Shep]

2 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

We have lots of old people living at the back of me .So I am going to paint some rocks today,an put on them little messages of love for them & tonight when it’s dark go leave them on there door step.

 

Xxx

 

PInk, this is not a good idea. Wondering around people's homes at night when you are very sick, have so-called "mental illness" labels on you, etc. could land you into trouble. Even though it's a very sweet gesture, it would be seen as "odd behavior" and could cause problems, including making it harder to get your son back. 

 

Unless you know these people, please keep a low profile until you feel better. Perhaps paint a rock for your son or find another art project that he might like to keep with him.