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pinkfairy

pinkfairy: rapid taper of Paxil

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pinkfairy

Thank you all for your words!!

 

longest period was a hold for 2 month at 6 mg....what a mess all this is!!

 

daisy how long before you reinstated a couple of beads please??

 

thanks grandma D....am also losing weight pretty rapid

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pinkfairy

Symptoms cog fog/ DP DR insommina depression an anxiety all bad an constant terror 24/7 they get worse every time I reduce my diazepam am wondering if the diazepam was masking the with drawals from Paxil!!i get all the side effects off diazepam as well....am trapped in a nightmare an can't see no light at the end of this long road!!i can't barley eat now as am that tired.it feels like am dieing an my life is over!!!am so traumatised this time last year I was me...it's all been taken away!no job my little boy suffering no support set to lose our home!!where is this going to end...I think about ending it all every day but I cannot for my son!!but yet am screwing Him up by been brain dead!!please can some body help an guide me out of this mess

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pinkfairy

Daisy you reinstated after a few days didn't you?am nearly 9 month out ????!!plus on a diazepam taper on top of all this....I don't see a way out of this nightmare!!my health is going down hill rapid...theres nobody here for my nine year old son!!!am so frightened

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pinkfairy

Is this my journal?

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ChessieCat

Is this my journal?

 

Yes, this is your journal.

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Daisy

Daisy you reinstated after a few days didn't you?am nearly 9 month out !!plus on a diazepam taper on top of all this....I don't see a way out of this nightmare!!my health is going down hill rapid...theres nobody here for my nine year old son!!!am so frightened

I think it was more than a few days but less than a month. Others may disagree with me, but I see no harm in taking an eighth of a tablet of Paxil and see how you feel.

 

Daisy

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pinkfairy

Will that be 0.5 am a bit clueless lately...I can't get stable at all....will sleep lack of sleep make you unstable am getting 2-3 hours a night,plus bringing my son up alone with no family am petrified anything happens to me he will be taken off me...am in deep depression that's why I do want to take something I have to try any way...I can't go thru this any longer

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pinkfairy

Ohhh so I can post my daily symptoms an doses of tablets here etc?

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scallywag

Ohhh so I can post my daily symptoms an doses of tablets here etc?

Yes, this correct place.

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pinkfairy

????....right have got my prescription for Paxil 1mg...but I will hold off an write down here daily for a few days so you can see my symptoms an will go from here!first time have felt a sigh of relief in ages thank you ❤️

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grandmaD

So pleased you are on track and got your 1mg.  I don't see any harm starting there as soon as you can. 

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pinkfairy

I hope it works is this normal to feel traumatised about whats happened

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yyeehhaaww

I want to encourage you...  you are doing the very best you can..... please take things one minute at a time.... I know you are an incredible mum.  You will get through this.  Do not, DO NOT LOSE HOPE.

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grandmaD

I hope it works is this normal to feel traumatised about whats happened

Yes!  We have all felt angry about it, guilty for taking it, angry for trusting doctors who let us down, sad and depressed about our illl health as a result and on and on and on .... you can fill in some more, I'm sure!

 

I am sure you will see some benefit very soon;  keep putting up your daily symptoms so the mods can see your patterns now you are back on 1mg.

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pinkfairy

Thank you every body....❤️!!chronic insomnia,night terrors really bad DP DR/cog fog....kind of halluncting a bit!!!wheres this going to end ????

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pinkfairy

Started the 1mg of Paxil today....it went in well,got a bit of a buzz from it.but my body didn't reject it....how long to stay on the 1mg?x

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Altostrata

Hello, pinkfairy.

 

Please do not reduce diazepam for the time being. Be careful to take it very regularly at the same time each day. When you take it, write down the times and dosages.

 

Where are you with olanzapine? Adding and dropping drugs can make nervous system instability worse. Be very careful about this.

 

Stay as calm as possible. When you go to a doctor or hospital expressing fear that you are losing your mind, they will give you more drugs. That is all they know how to do. It's very rare you'll find a doctor who even knows what psychiatric drug withdrawal is.

 

You are having bad symptoms now. Many people here have been through this. Keep calm, stay as steady as you can, it will get better.

 

It will take at least 4 days for the 1mg Paxil to fully register in your system. Please let us know how you're doing.

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pinkfairy

Hi,I just started the olazpine 4 days ago....but all these drugs are making me sick an I feel out of my mind!!i don't like it I feel frightened....I will be very careful to say anything to them!!i dose the diazpam same time every day!!i will keep notes of all my symptoms here...starting from this morning!!plus am not eating what a mess please tell me there's a way out of this!!its like I can't keep calm am just freaking out all the time

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pinkfairy

Am not touching the diazpam at all....am in a mess here an don't know what to stop start etc....I feel like am in the edge with no safety net!will you all please help me find my way home

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pinkfairy

Am I a lost cause?i feel so very very frightened

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scallywag

pinkfairy, it can take some time for your CNS (central nervous system) to fully settle down. You will recover.

 

Please think about the suggestions Wellness and others have given you in your benzo topic.

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pinkfairy

Is it normal to keep freaking out?its like am going mad or want to pull my hair out....what is going on?i cannot for the love of god get stable!!its like am on lsd 24/7

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grandmaD

Once the 1mg kicks in you will feel so much better, but it can take up to a week, so be patient.  Do things that can make you calm - relaxation exercies and breathing exercises, they do help.  What things can you comfort yourself with?  For me, I need to make a cup of tea and go sit outside and enjoy the beauty of the scenery or take a long hot bath. 

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Shep

PinkFairy, I'm linking to your benzo thread here so that the mods helping with your AD and AP taper are aware that you've stopped the Paxil and Olanzpine.

 

It sounds like the Paxil was too stimulating.

 

You mention in the benzo post that you only took it for two days, so you're about a week off it now. Hopefully things will settle down for you soon. 

 

Please update your signature so we're all on the same page with your drug history.

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pinkfairy

Hi am really struggling can some one help me please I don't know if my tablets have turned paradoxil on me....since have changed to part liquid have crashed

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pinkfairy

Hello I wondered if any body could me please..I take matazpine 7.5 an have been taking it since august 2016....am not sure if have reached tolerance to it?if so am going to have to taper off it,could some one help with the maths please an help me thank you pink

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Shep

Hi, Pink.

 

I'm going to ask the other mods to also weigh in, as they have more mirtazapine experience. 

 

So we're all on the same page, I'll post what you wrote over on your benzo thread regarding how the mirtazapine is causing symptoms:

 

 

Think we may have a problem,something I suspected ages ago.the matazpine....am dosing it,then as soon as it kicks in am sweating an burning,dry mouth anxiety,panic....I think the diazpam as covered the most of it up.I got 2 hours last night....the problems are a raising from the matazpine am 99% sure just a gut feeling....
 

 

Also want to mention the fact that you are in the midst of changing the timing of the diazepam doses (no change in dose, though). 

 

Please finish moving the diazepam before you make any changes to the mirtazapine. 

 

I'm hoping that reducing the mirtazapine brings you some much needed relief. 

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pinkfairy

Thank you shep...I won't be reducing anything until I know what is coming from where....I actually thing the matazpine as pooped out!!

If I feel brain dead will this go,my friend posted an article on neuro toxicity I hope I ain't got this an am disabled for life....I hope I can heal from all this mess!i can remember when they pulled me off Paxil they tried other medications but they all thru me for a loop.i remember them trying 3 different medications last year...but I had an adverse reaction to them all.have just only remembered this....

Am praying I haven't done to much damage... I just want my life back.

Thanks again shep for all your doing.this is all cruel...but fall down 7 times,rise again 8 times!

My brain just feels permanently damaged...I hope this is another benzo lie.

Pink

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pinkfairy

Shep am going to leave the matazpine alone I don't think I can handle another change to anything....I want off the benzo then I will taper the matazpine down....am I ok to take the afternoon dose out?the matazpine as thrown me for a loop now :( am really confused as to what to do....but I just know I need off this benzo or am going to lose everything...I just can't go there tapering another drug.so am just going to stick with getting off the Valium....

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Shep

Hi, Pink.

 

Please see my last post on your benzo thread. We may be thinking the same thought, but I just wanted to clarify something. 

 

If you're more comfortable continuing with the benzo taper, that is just fine. 

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Skeeter

Hey Pinky!

I have missed you, so, tell me what is going on, and how I can help you today.  I am bringing you over to this thread sor moe people will see your words, and respond to you.  Remember you can go on their thread, and talk to them too, everyone needs help, even when you feel just bad, it can lighten your day, too, caring about others.

 

Please respond on this thread, okay?  I will be waiting!

Skeeter

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pinkfairy

Hello skeeter 

have missed you pal ❤️

I hope your ok?

having a really bad major time...am just so over whelmed with everything right now..

am just getting sicker An less functional ?!

 Am becoming more tramatized by the day..I can't even talk I feel so ill.have gone right back to the start..

good to see you back.

i have not been this unstable since last year..

glad your back 

pink 

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bubble

Pink, in the same way you got better and were having nice windows after that bad period last year, you will again.

 

I told Shep that I would stop tapering diazepam until some indefinite time because it's clearly very destabilising.

 

Just keep telling yourself this is temporary as it is, don't add additional fear to it and focus on self-care: eating and practicing all those self-soothing skills.

 

And absolutely stay away from that ex boyfriend!

 

I must say I didn't at all like that attachment talk on your benzo thread. I don't really know what it is but it sounding like your excuse to behave like a little kid: oh I just can't help it. It's a 'disorder'. Getting in touch with your inner child is not the same as behaving childishly and irresponsibly.

 

Ok, you've had a tough childhood and all but you have spent enough time feeling sorry for yourself. It's time to look for those big girl panties and pull them on.

 

If that ex is throwing you off balance when you are barely coping it is your duty to stop that immediately and not even go there. Not even look in that direction. No excuses, no self pity, no vulnerability and attachment or other excuses. This is very dangerous and a lot is at stake for both you and your son.

 

So despite withdrawal, despite the past, despite your various ongoing issues you need to start acting like a responsible woman of almost 40. You can still be vulnerable, in WD, have attachment and whatever issues but at the same time you can be a responsible adult and just say NO. Block the number, disconnect the phone, whatever it takes to save yourself. You can feel sorry for yourself before and later but you have to do it.

 

Shep and Skeeter have gone above all limits to help you but if you continue to engage in self-harming habits it will mean that all their support was just enabling you to continue to act in this self-harming manner.

 

So there is yet another incentive for you: if you want to continue receiving support here stay away from that guy. Completely and without any excuses.

 

You can do it. You have been through a lot and survived it. You can survive this too but you have to put an effort. The big Pink is in there somewhere. Time to put her foot down.

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pinkfairy

Hi bubble....

thank you for your honest reply!

hsve text him An told him no more contact again.

all blocked this as took some doing as I still love the guy.

i didn't get my needs met as a child,so I used anything I could as a crutch to survive the horrors of past.i stopped the drugs on my own.but still relied on alchol.i stopped the alchol An relied on my ex...no ex no crutch so am wondering how am meant to survive life with out any thing...

i planted a seed as a child that I needed something or some one An this seed is now a belief...

i just feel a drift An pretty hopeless to be honest!!

all have known as gone..who am I,I don't even know any more...before anti/depressants I would t leave my house.now am just back at the start been that young girl who as never grown up..wish had never been given the attachement diagonis or emotional unstablity an ptsd diagonis!!they have made me 10000 worse..

am nearly 40 years old..

have got my son who's my world..

my life's blank now empty..no hobbies no interests zilch..

my son is all am alive for that's it,seriously not drugs talking either..am empty ,no base line...

thank god for my son that's all I can say...

thank you for been honest.

an I appreciate all skeeter An shep does for me.

but I just see no point coming off this stuff as am exhausted to the point of I just really have no hope!!

will be realistic here...have been CT off Paxil zopiclone an tapering diazpam while trying to parent with brutal insomnia..have done more drugs I care to remember,I can barely function..

i still have a home to run,with no support.when I try An learn new things,am constantly in a wave,so everything goes out the window..

i cant just lay an relax as shopping,cooking,cleaning as to be done...I can't just go on a journey with having to be a parent in a real world..I have to fight this **** with S/U 24/7....please don't for one minute think am self pitying myself because am not,have pulled up my big girl panties an am been realistic about this whole situation...

going through all this alone is tramatizing!!i have yet to see one person in any group with a small child "totally alone" been CT off different drugs An tapering...the drugs are making sick so very sick...

am tired of "surviving" when I should be "living" my only child's young years out..yet am a criple what can barely walk...

am angry so very god dam angry ?...not at you just at the people who have trusted An let me down...

seeiously how do you accept this madness...yes if I was alone or had a partner to help or family am sure had get through it a lot smoother..but I haven't An it's all bull **** the entire process...

sorry this isn't in no way aimed at any body I care An think a lot of you guys...

but am just looking at my situation  in reality it just doesn't look good at all.no parent could function on nearly a year of insomnia plus CTs it's unrealistic...

am angry An hurting so am going to take some time out

i wish you all the very best An continued healing 

pink ❤️

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bubble

It's actually nice to see you angry. Anger is what gives us strength to survive this. 

 

We all here have been hurt badly by these drugs and other circumstances beyond our control. But although we have been robbed of so much all our glasses are still half full because we are still here. Life is still worth living. Imperfect as she may be your son still has his mother and all is well in the world. Everything is positive if we look at it long enough.

 

If you are in the mood there is a great classic Feel the fear and do it anyway. WD is a place of great fear and I find it very helpful. Got it off amazon uk for less than a pound plus delivery. So empowering.

 

My personal anger is around the fact that I'm past 40 and was never able to have a child because of these drugs. I would stop taking them to get pregnant and then I would be too ill to live. And now I'm stuck on a slow taper just so that I can survive without being financially ruined and having to go back to where my brother threatened to kill me. Sometimes family is the one causing trauma instead of providing support. So yes, things are very hard for you and your boy but maybe that is what it should be and this is good for you. You've been through the worst and survived! From now on things will only get easier. He is getting bigger, the worst has happened, you are still here and although you don't feel it like this, you are very strong.

 

It took me good two decades but now I feel positive and accepting of it all. And I feel contentment despite all of this and then some. I guess it began as gratitude for very small things. For being alive. For having your son.

 

I also know well that feeling of not being grown up. But this very feeling of being empty, feeling like a clean slate, no identity is the beginning of growth! From this your identity is emerging. It's never too late. We always did the best we could knowing what we knew then. As long as we live we can grow and change.

 

Now we saw the warrior Pink we knew all along was inside.

 

So very nice to meet you the warrior Pink :)

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pinkfairy

Am so sorry for your losses An suffering I really am....

am scared shitless as I cannot function any more my legs won't work...

this is my worst nightmare come true..

i have crashed very hard.an my nerves are on fire!!am shaking An just cannot get up what am I meant to do...I cannot function at all.back to back panic attacks..I can't even lay for pain through out my entire body...

i need to function please help 

this is so scary not been able to even brush my teeth...nothing is connecting have been hallucinating for two solid days now 

pink 

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