☼ pinkfairy: rapid taper of Paxil

[brassmonkey]

Yes Pink-- that's the way the numbers work for a 2% reduction.  It looks like a large amount of powder because you're taking it off of the smallest of the three daily doses.  If you were to grind up both of the other dosses and add them to the pile you would see that this really isn't very much.

[pinkfairy]

Thank you very much brass monkey...

 

i understand it now...the penny finally dropped...(yay)

not the mathematical side of it...

 

Have wrote these figures in my book.So next time,I can just refer to them & give them back to you...are you sure your ok,to keep helping me taper off?please don’t leave lol,as your the brains to get me off this stuff..Am just going to stick with 2% cuts,very small I know,but if I can function enough to  look after my son & run my home...I don’t care how long it takes!

 

The gentler the better...

 

Thanks again & sorry about repeating it a lot.Theres not much powder left at all...I was looking at the powder also left over from crushing the 2mg pill & getting it to .124

 

But when you just take it off .124 to .110 there’s really not much there!

 

pure genoius brass monkey...

 

I hope your recovering nicely 

 

pink xxx

 

 

[pinkfairy]

Hello,I was just wondering if this is & emotional spiral,or am I coming into awareness?

what ever it is it’s quite traumatic....

 

Those that know my story I was brought up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home.It was all codependent...

 

when my mum & nan died,my auntie brought me up,she had it really bad & was the care taker of my mum & nan...we all lived together.

 

So when I broke free I turned to the drink & Drug world.But I clawed my out of all that & started growing as a person.Me & my auntie have never been close,as she said I ruined her life.But we have always had to keep in touch because of my son...I have just realised when I started to grow as a person,get my life together,she would always make comments what hurt.I never said anything just swallowed it all down,as I had the shame & guilt of putting her through hell when I drank & would go missing for weekends etc...

 

But I cut my drinking down from Thursday to Sunday nights.To just one bottle of wine every Saturday night.

 

But yet always the digs & comments etc.When I got with my ex it was the happiest had ever been as it was a drink & Drug free relationship.Yet she put the idea into my head he wasn’t a nice person & was been emotionally abusive etc....I used to moan about my job,as my ex boss was a narcissistic & a alcoholic..but I loved my little job,just not him...so yet my auntie would always tell me leave etc...Then she said if I didn’t stop my drinking of a bottle of wine she would have nothing more to do with me etc...I would panic even though I didn’t want contact with her.So mugging her gave up drink to please her,left my ex & with all that confusion not knowing why I couldn’t be free of her when I was desperate to be...was codepensdy  !!!

 

so here I am in this mess & a shell of who I was...All because I put my own happieness on the line to please my auntie!!Am really sorry if am not making sense...But it’s just dawned me all of this!!

 

my point is...Even when am off meds the whole codependent thing is still going to there!!

 

so is this where my counsellor will come in...am so confused by discovering all this & feel like have opened a horrible can of worms in WD....all my adult life I wanted to be free of her,she as a good heart & as always looked out for me,but to the point of am smothered!!!

 

We don’t get on at all to much damage as been caused.But all my life it’s felt like have been married to her.When all I wanted to of been was left alone to bring my son up..

 

i feel as though am here by pleasing others & not listening to my inner voice or having the nerve to walk away when the relationship is highly toxic...have lost everything & it’s given her the role of rescuing & it’s making me feel iller...

 

i also felt felt like I didn’t deserve to feel happy because she was alone & wasn’t well....then when I did feel happy I would feel guilty!!

 

so I know where this is all stemming from.sorry I know your not a counsellors but am confused about this whole situation & it’s making me morbidly depressed that am in this mess because I was people pleaser  

 

spiral or coming awake?

 

Thanks for reading pink 

xxxxx

[Martina23]

Pink, I read your post and realized your situation I know too well. My mother is also like that. It is sometimes hurtful her comments about how I am always in wrong. Everytime I tried for something she said God would punish me for that. Always everyone other is good only I am bad. I solved it like this that I informed her that she is putting me down and therefore I would limit our contacts to minimum. Till now it works well. You dont need her. You can take care of your son alone and just reduce contact with her to minimum. And dont talk to her that you drink one bottle of wine on Saturday. By the way, maybe you could reduce to half bottle -like two glasses on Saturday, it is better than one big bottle in one day.

[powerback]

Hi pink ,nice honest post good on ye ,martina is correct ,you will need to limit your exposure to this women ,she obviously gets something out of keeping you down .we simply cant be around these people let alone in withdrawl.

I have done introspection myself the last few years and it can be nerve wracking giving up co-dependency behaviour,something like any attention is better than none .

spiral or coming awake ,my answer is a bit of both but don't  be afraid you'll find your way .

It can take along time to shake off our past and the people from it but worth it .

Ide recommend not over thinking it while your in this process and maybe distract and spend time with your son and get lost in he's little world .

I can spend hours just watching my little niece play .

Take care . 

 

[pinkfairy]

Oh thank you both so much for stopping by & answering 

am so sorry martina that you have been there also....my aunt as never meant me no harm it comes from love but it’s just been wrong....it’s so sad as I should of parted ways years ago & I wouldn’t be here today  !!Do you still see your mum martina?or just now & again?

i did stop drinking 2 years ago.It makes it harder while going through this as it throws feelings of worthless upon us...I feel for you.your not a bad person you have a beautiful soul.Its the faulty data were programmed with.But all that can be changed ♥️!!xxx

 

hi PB,hope your putting one froot in front of the other!Dont get me wrong I love her but we just don’t get on,it’s been rocky for years...it’s taken me to go through WD to find out am codependent....Man oh man.

 

she put up with so much of my drink & drug use for years I feel nothing but shame & remorse for what I put her through.so the guilt stops me from a lot of things.But I now realise I did sacrifice my own happieness to please..Our whole family is trauma based throughout the generations,it’s got passed down...it’s all so sad when none of us know how to get close,because there’s so much pain involved.I feel sorry for what have put her through...hell & back.She would be out of head as had go missing when I was 16 & used to fall through the door at home.That then set her ptsd off!No excuse I was a tramatized child & was an escape to not feel pain..so much heart ache & loss in one family.nobodys left....Thank you for your words your so right.I feel bad even posting this on here.But I kind of couldn’t work out was happening....we didn’t see much of each other any way PB.So I am alone doing this with my son...

i just could never understand why I couldn’t walk away...it’s cost me a lot finding out while in this...neuro emotions running wild.

yes am just going to through my self into my son & dogs...I keep waking up panicking wanting my mum guess old memories are coming up...been repressed for 20 years...am sad about it all xx oh am so glad you enjoy watching her play  

 

thank you to both of you...xxx

[pinkfairy]

Well today woke up after 2 hours sleep in complete terror...feeling like some one as punched in my solar plexus...but got up did mine &!my sons brekky,got him off to school,came home cleaned up...anxiety pretty high today with lack of sleep..still only averaging 4 hours a night since August 2016...all sleep hygiene in place with baths.

 

spoke with a benzo friend.Am going to invest in a weighted blanket.Also just purchased some essential oils to burn & more Epsom salt (think have cleared the shelf’s of that stuff)!

 

off to see my counsellor & DBT group therapy this afternoon also...cannot concentrate with this dementia brain acid feeling...but am just floating feeling scared & shell shocked by this whole journey...

 

Another day putting one foot in front of the other!!

 

pink xxx

[powerback]

Keep strong Pink ,as I said to terry yesterday ,we will get out of the trenches some day .

 

[pinkfairy]

Thanks PB for the kind words...

 

accomplished group therapy for 2 & half hours...I thought the lights in the room were going to burn my eye balls...but I managed it!

 

just cooking chicken & veg...

 

we got to keep swimming,one day the tide will turn.

 

i cannot wait for that day,all I want is to be present & alive for my son & do the things we used to do.His therapy is going amazing,am seeing vast improvements in him.So it takes some of the pressure off me..

 

even when am shaking etc I still get dressed now no matter what,for along time his seen me laid around...But not no more am fighting for our freedom back...

 

one day this will be over & it will be a distant memory.

 

xxx

 

 

[powerback]

31 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Thanks PB for the kind words...

 

accomplished group therapy for 2 & half hours...I thought the lights in the room were going to burn my eye balls...but I managed it!

 

just cooking chicken & veg...

 

we got to keep swimming,one day the tide will turn.

 

i cannot wait for that day,all I want is to be present & alive for my son & do the things we used to do.His therapy is going amazing,am seeing vast improvements in him.So it takes some of the pressure off me..

 

even when am shaking etc I still get dressed now no matter what,for along time his seen me laid around...But not no more am fighting for our freedom back...

 

one day this will be over & it will be a distant memory.

 

xxx

 

 

That's the attitude of a success story ,good on ye brilliant pink .

2.5 hours seems long so good on ye .

enjoy dins ,just finished my spicy beans on spuds with a side of swiss chard leaves ,got to get the dark greens into me ,boost nutrition .I'm a few months eating plant based whole food ,its hard though I will admit ,I miss my steak .

respect .

[pinkfairy]

Thanks PB 

i burnt the carrots 😂...dam you benzo brain...my son is staying out tonight,so just me with the burnt tea lol...

 

oh really,bet you have noticed a difference with doing that.That tea sounds delicious 😋!

I can’t think much to switch foods around..so I just go with what I  have got in...but I don’t eat sugar or msg..

 

i have two smoothies a day with kale,spinach,chi seeds,banana,blue berries & coconut water.

Then brekky 

dinner 

& tea...

 

Its really hard to keep up with it when I have that dementia feeling 24/7...I have to remember to eat & drink it’s crazy as I never feel hungry or thirsty...

 

i dont eat steak 🥩 I never have PB...am more a fish & chicken gal lol 

 

[powerback]

that smoothie is great ,keep that up for sure .

I get you about the brain ,I often set an alarm to remind me if I have something simmering on the stove .

just tonight I picked up the handle and it was over another ring and it scalded me ,ok though nothing major .

I have a massive bowl of porridge in the mornings packed with banana kiwi blueberries and linseed ,I call it a bucket its so big .its actually really simple eating this way ,at Christmas I ate turkey and ham and loads of junk ,I didn't even care .

[pinkfairy]

Lol PB glad your hands ok...have got a tip if you burn pans,oh believe me have burnt ALOT going through this 😆..

 

put your washing powder ie daz or what ever you use in the pan with cold water & bring to the boil...hey presto it brings all the burnt off  

 

That porridge sounds very nice,i have & omelette with kale every morning,followed by the smoothie...I eat turkey & ham any way lol.

 

Have got a coping tool for anger if any-body is interested..anger is & hot emotion,just energy trapped.so fill a bowl of water (cold) & submerge your head into it for around 20 seconds....The coldness of the water brings it right back down to base line again...

 

 

well today i have cleaned up,changed all the bedding,made some corridender home made soup (delish) 

 

Been on the beach with my friend & the kiddos & the doggies.Was ruminating & sadness watched over me,so many happy memories down there  

cant seem to go any where alone.Am house bound with agrophobia if I don’t go out with any-body...But had a good hour down there was very cold.Then went for & hot chocolate in a little cafe by the beach,I had a fruit tea.

 

BACK HOME 

 

Its started snowing here in the uk 🇬🇧...so have just had & Epsom salt bath & made Shepard’s pie for tea.Havent been able to sit down all day,horrible feeling,but just through my self into been productive.survival mode as really kicked in feels like am a Duracell bunny...

 

have also got touch sensitivity,don’t know if any body else as this 

 

 

 

[powerback]

Hi pink ,name of that author is ,Bessel A van der kolk ,I googled it .I must get .might try reading and less screen time at night ,hopefully I have the concentration for reading ,I must join my local library . 

[powerback]

3 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Lol PB glad your hands ok...have got a tip if you burn pans,oh believe me have burnt ALOT going through this 😆..

 

put your washing powder ie daz or what ever you use in the pan with cold water & bring to the boil...hey presto it brings all the burnt off  

 

That porridge sounds very nice,i have & omelette with kale every morning,followed by the smoothie...I eat turkey & ham any way lol.

 

Have got a coping tool for anger if any-body is interested..anger is & hot emotion,just energy trapped.so fill a bowl of water (cold) & submerge your head into it for around 20 seconds....The coldness of the water brings it right back down to base line again...

 

 

well today i have cleaned up,changed all the bedding,made some corridender home made soup (delish) 

 

Been on the beach with my friend & the kiddos & the doggies.Was ruminating & sadness watched over me,so many happy memories down there  

cant seem to go any where alone.Am house bound with agrophobia if I don’t go out with any-body...But had a good hour down there was very cold.Then went for & hot chocolate in a little cafe by the beach,I had a fruit tea.

 

BACK HOME 

 

Its started snowing here in the uk 🇬🇧...so have just had & Epsom salt bath & made Shepard’s pie for tea.Havent been able to sit down all day,horrible feeling,but just through my self into been productive.survival mode as really kicked in feels like am a Duracell bunny...

 

have also got touch sensitivity,don’t know if any body else as this 

 

 

 

This I s great pink ,you had a nice lovely day ,good one ye .I'm so pleased for ye .to see others that suffer have a nice good day is brilliant .

I like your cold water idea ,

lately I have been doing the cold water thing .does it help with inflammation ,maybe it does .

if I stand under a shower with cold water ,its very sensitive on my skin .

I was always ticklish even before this process pink .

Kale is great ,I batch froze some yesterday ,put into ice cube tray ,I can take them out and into smoothies or soups .so handy  

[pinkfairy]

Yea was a good-ish day considering in WD land...

For that cold water trick,fill a bowl up & dunk your head under for 20-30 (not to long though lol)

 

i cant shower hurts my skin,I know what you mean about the tickling part.

 

PB what soups do you make if you don’t mind me asking?

 

 

 

[pinkfairy]

Woke up at 2am with adrenaline surges,every morning for 18month 2am....I used to freak out & panic,now I just breath & know it can’t hurt me.

 

But had a bit of a melt down at 8am,my son would not come down stairs for brekky,he wanted it up stairs...he was shouting well I aren’t going to eat it...I burst out crying & said I don’t have the energy for this.

 

But picked my self up walked him to school,it was that Icey we were like to ninjas on the way over lol...

 

cannot believe it managed a 30 minute walk on my own with the dogs,it was beautiful,the sun was shining but was making all the snow glisten...my dogs were like bami on ice at one point.so we had to go a different way.was getting loads of happy memories flooding in also,it’s made me Feel very down today,so have come back to bed & am just going with “that I feel very down” so been laid watching nature documentary’s on my t.v & a some colouring.

 

Still have that horrible thing where I can’t touch nothing,I seem to have no moisture in my hands at all...I feel like a dried prune 

 

 

[powerback]

7 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Yea was a good-ish day considering in WD land...

For that cold water trick,fill a bowl up & dunk your head under for 20-30 (not to long though lol)

 

i cant shower hurts my skin,I know what you mean about the tickling part.

 

PB what soups do you make if you don’t mind me asking?

 

 

 

I woke this morning and I was in bits for the first 30 minutes, I went straight to the sink and dunked my head into cold water ,I'm going to keep trying this .

carrot/lentil/turmeric. roasted butternut squash . roasted red pepper .spicy tomato and basil . I use onion and garlic as abase for all of them . 

Of course I don't mind you asking .

I haven't bought a store soup for years ,always make my own lol.well I tell a lie I bough one a few weeks ago but I was in a rush lol.

I like to have a soup made and come back from a walk and have it or even better I bring them on my rambles .

[powerback]

7 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Woke up at 2am with adrenaline surges,every morning for 18month 2am....I used to freak out & panic,now I just breath & know it can’t hurt me.

 

But had a bit of a melt down at 8am,my son would not come down stairs for brekky,he wanted it up stairs...he was shouting well I aren’t going to eat it...I burst out crying & said I don’t have the energy for this.

 

But picked my self up walked him to school,it was that Icey we were like to ninjas on the way over lol...

 

cannot believe it managed a 30 minute walk on my own with the dogs,it was beautiful,the sun was shining but was making all the snow glisten...my dogs were like bami on ice at one point.so we had to go a different way.was getting loads of happy memories flooding in also,it’s made me Feel very down today,so have come back to bed & am just going with “that I feel very down” so been laid watching nature documentary’s on my t.v & a some colouring.

 

Still have that horrible thing where I can’t touch nothing,I seem to have no moisture in my hands at all...I feel like a dried prune 

 

 

You coped with your obstacles really well pink good on ye .

Brilliant about your walk ,it sounded lovely .I must get a colouring book myself.

I use coconut oil as a moisturiser on my hands ,I gave up the paraffin based ones I used to use .

Ye cant beat a good nature documentary .

Take care pink ,hopefully you feeling down doesn't last long ,if it does just know and believe it will pass . 

[pinkfairy]

Hi PB...

sorry am late responding,had a tidal wave 🌊 full force at me!still In it now...thanks to shep,skeeter & bubble,I do what they all said & baylissa..So it takes the edge of it.Its just those dam spirals...Yea keep doing the water one....sorry you were in bits,I know that feeling.But yea it works for anger,you can’t think while your heads under water lol..The shock of it soon brings you  round...

 

Am going to try & make that soup at the weekend,sounds delish.How do you get it to be thick though?

 

when I make the corriander one.

i use potatoes,celery,large onion,veg stock,carrots &  fresh coriander.

 

norr you cheat supermarket one lol...says me I have to shop at the supermarket & get a lot of quick things.

 

have you any more recipes for soup please?

 

yes have got two colouring books,nearly filled them.Amazon do loads Pb.skeeter gave me a great one,paint by numbers also on amazon  

 

have just started using coconut oil.baylissa said some of her clients say about this symptom.Or it could be dehydration too.

Xxx

[pinkfairy]

Does any body know if I can take omega 3 & magnesium at all while in WD?

[powerback]

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

Does any body know if I can take omega 3 & magnesium at all while in WD?

These are the 2 most commonly recommended  pink ,go small amount  on the magnesium and work up is the rule of thumb .

[powerback]

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

Hi PB...

sorry am late responding,had a tidal wave 🌊 full force at me!still In it now...thanks to shep,skeeter & bubble,I do what they all said & baylissa..So it takes the edge of it.Its just those dam spirals...Yea keep doing the water one....sorry you were in bits,I know that feeling.But yea it works for anger,you can’t think while your heads under water lol..The shock of it soon brings you  round...

 

Am going to try & make that soup at the weekend,sounds delish.How do you get it to be thick though?

 

when I make the corriander one.

i use potatoes,celery,large onion,veg stock,carrots &  fresh coriander.

 

norr you cheat supermarket one lol...says me I have to shop at the supermarket & get a lot of quick things.

 

have you any more recipes for soup please?

 

yes have got two colouring books,nearly filled them.Amazon do loads Pb.skeeter gave me a great one,paint by numbers also on amazon  

 

have just started using coconut oil.baylissa said some of her clients say about this symptom.Or it could be dehydration too.

Xxx

Thickening soups comes down to how much produce is in it ,put just enough water in at the start to cook it ,after blending youl get a feel for the thickness ,add some water if it too thick  ,as they say its always easier to add than take away .you can make a rue with flour also ,but this needs to cook through a bit or itl be a bit grainy .

soup recipes are endless ,I tend to stick to a certain few ,the thing is youl need to play around with spices and herbs for soups because a lot of shop bought ones have msg ,this stuff gives it flavour but its a nasty chemical .

 

I follow  a nutritionist  on youtube an he says keep an eye on the colour of your pee [sorry bit gross].the darker the more dehydrated we  are ,if its clear we are fine ,the average normal is straw yellow .

Take care pink and ride that wave .

[pinkfairy]

Hi Pb,

 

i dont know which fish oil or magnesium to use.I soak a lot in Epsom salt baths with lavender oil.

 

 

have been playing around with different soups.But stood crying while cooking,it feels like my soul as been ripped out,have got such deep grief it’s taking my breath away...

 

the loneiness while going through this is brutal.I feel invisible,seem as a child.Am exhausted with it all.

 

cant touch anything as it’s going through me,my skin is peeling off on my hands,mouth & legs...struggling with past regrets etc...The depression is here & am dreading summer already!

 

Things could be different tomorrow pink.xxx

[powerback]

Keep going to your group meetings ,is there any parenting groups you could join ,I realise  this is very difficult in our condition ,but get to know when your in a safe place to reach out .

is there any place in your area to do some counselling to purge these past regrets ,ask your doctor or search your area .

MiT is always saying to me to face the pain arising and theres a lot of sense in that but we need to educate ourselves or at least get help doing it .

Don't judge yourself ,remember your worth the calm and happiness that will come your way . 

Do ye feel any catharsis after crying .doesn't matter if you don't per say 

 

[pinkfairy]

Thanks for stopping by Pb it’s lovely of you too...

 

i am doing.No there’s no group meetings for parents as his older now.Theres loads when there younger.

I see a trauma specialist PB is qualified in EFT too.shes a god send.we don’t dig through the past,not advised in WD we focus on the the  here & now.Its just the losses have lossed going through this.An I never dealt with all my past grief from before,so it’s had a massive impact.But the main one what tears me into,is not been able to go anywhere or do much stuff with my son,as you know going through this is about survival.I can’t talk much as the trauma & impact from all of this as left me frozen.

 

Really breaks my heart as he only as me & am out of it most days.Its like I can’t even feel love or connect with him,but yet inside his my entire life.He his my life...I just feel as though the benzo as come between us.

 

The other day,he walked to school for the first time I came home & broke my heart,have missed 2 years of his life while going through this & god knows how many more...This as had such a massive impact on us both.

 

But I got him a card from moon pig,where you make your own up..I got him one sent saying I was so proud of him,for walking to school & for the amazing young man he is...& that I loved him more than life it’s self.

 

Its just heart breaking if it was just me going through this i could handle it a lot better!!But we’re both going through it...

 

yea I do feel loads better after have cried,but there sobs from the soul 

ps am facing it head on that’s why it’s so dam painful.

 

i would of self medicated to cover it up but it’s here to be dealt with 

xxx

 

 

[powerback]

Of course don't pour your soul over the internet ,keep this person you go to see very close .

You have to realise your doing a good job with your son ,actively work out these nuero feelings ,nuero or not they are very strong ,any purging of old trauma will take time ,have you watched any of gabor mates videos ,he's in he's   70s and very honest and open of the process of dealing with trauma and pain .be very careful though going too deep in withdrawl ,let it develop at the pace your body lets you .

[pinkfairy]

Yes these are extremely strong emotions coming up Pb,am having to just let them & go with them it’s all I can do.

or thank you so much Pb that’s really kind of you too say.Am just not emotionally there for him & it kills me,but going through this we struggle to be here for our selfs some times.

 

no have not seen him or heard of him Pb,I will take a look when am not so emotionally raw...

 

A lot of it is my own doing,looking into things why am like I am etc,it should be left alone & not prodded at until WD is over...That’s when we start to think it’s us & not WD & that’s where it gets dangerous.Because we are in WD & it is traumatic in its self.

 

A good saying we can look at a wound,know it’s hurting but yet continue to jab at it.Or we can look at the wound & nurture & heal it..

 

 

I was jabbing at it.

 

yea the trauma eft specialist lady,went on a trauma retreat the other weekend.She worked with leaders who go to the Congo to work & work with veterans & these guys have healed thousands of orphaned children through EFT but it’s not like the ones on you tube..It’s still tapping but done different,she did it on me & the relief was out of this world..I yawned Pb actually yawned & fabe a nervous laugh,she said it’s working as it’s trapped energy moving!Trauma is trapped old energy what gets stuck in the body.Sorry am rambling,you can tell I don’t see any body 

 

Crying as shifted the spiral 

xxx

[powerback]

14 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Yes these are extremely strong emotions coming up Pb,am having to just let them & go with them it’s all I can do.

or thank you so much Pb that’s really kind of you too say.Am just not emotionally there for him & it kills me,but going through this we struggle to be here for our selfs some times.

 

no have not seen him or heard of him Pb,I will take a look when am not so emotionally raw...

 

A lot of it is my own doing,looking into things why am like I am etc,it should be left alone & not prodded at until WD is over...That’s when we start to think it’s us & not WD & that’s where it gets dangerous.Because we are in WD & it is traumatic in its self.

 

A good saying we can look at a wound,know it’s hurting but yet continue to jab at it.Or we can look at the wound & nurture & heal it..

 

 

I was jabbing at it.

 

yea the trauma eft specialist lady,went on a trauma retreat the other weekend.She worked with leaders who go to the Congo to work & work with veterans & these guys have healed thousands of orphaned children through EFT but it’s not like the ones on you tube..It’s still tapping but done different,she did it on me & the relief was out of this world..I yawned Pb actually yawned & fabe a nervous laugh,she said it’s working as it’s trapped energy moving!Trauma is trapped old energy what gets stuck in the body.Sorry am rambling,you can tell I don’t see any body 

 

Crying as shifted the spiral 

xxx

I well believe in the trapped energy ,I'm riddled with it .this is why this process is so difficult for me ,before I got hit with the worst of withdrawl I was getting a little traction with my  life .ile keep going and never give up ,but I will admit I'm getting to the end of my tether ,my fears for my future and present  are being played out in my dreams . 

I'm so easily triggered I mite have to go away ,yesterday I was ok for a bit and then a text came in about a stag do and sent me  into a tail spin .

so I'm going to find an airbnb near nice trails ,leave laptop at home ,I mite even leave my phone ,yikes panic .

We never ramble pink its all good.

[pinkfairy]

Hi Pb...

 

I feel the same way,my life was on an even keel best it had ever been.until they CT me & along came the benzo...

 

oh sorry about the stag do text  

Yea life is just triggering me & I worry how am going to make it..but we do some how!

 

That sounds perfect.Just solitude to recover & not having to do life bliss...

 

xxx

 

woke up in hell..body on complete fire,can’t stop itching the last 3 nights.Have been having Epsom salt baths,listening to sheps you tube meditations & deep breathing.But the panic is off the charts today...”what if” thoughts thrashing away...am trying to ignore & not get engaged.This is just insanity all of it..

 

The skin is peeling off my hands now,can’t touch anything with out wanting to scream.Ulchers inside my mouth,hair dropping out & generally feeling like dog muck..

 

Not a good day...trying to distract but I have no energy just laid catonic today with medications on loop...

 

xxx

[powerback]

9 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Hi Pb...

 

I feel the same way,my life was on an even keel best it had ever been.until they CT me & along came the benzo...

 

oh sorry about the stag do text  

Yea life is just triggering me & I worry how am going to make it..but we do some how!

 

That sounds perfect.Just solitude to recover & not having to do life bliss...

 

xxx

 

woke up in hell..body on complete fire,can’t stop itching the last 3 nights.Have been having Epsom salt baths,listening to sheps you tube meditations & deep breathing.But the panic is off the charts today...”what if” thoughts thrashing away...am trying to ignore & not get engaged.This is just insanity all of it..

 

The skin is peeling off my hands now,can’t touch anything with out wanting to scream.Ulchers inside my mouth,hair dropping out & generally feeling like dog muck..

 

Not a good day...trying to distract but I have no energy just laid catonic today with medications on loop...

 

xxx

Yikes pink ,I forced myself out to the sun today ,droped the lid of my flask just now ,it didnt fall far from the mountain im siting on .its been prety bad waking up myself lately .

We keep going pink ,im going away this weeknd so im trying to focus on not leting my mind spiral .darn heres the clouds

[pinkfairy]

LOL....would you of had the energy to go after it?i would of just rolled my self head first down after it 😆!!

 

mornings are just brutal,but no let up today for me.The wave as me in a vise today,but am just letting it...no energy to do any thing.

 

oh wow have a great time pb  

it sounds like your doing so well,I can’t even be around anybody..blasted benzos!!

 

I hope you have a lovely time.

Let the clouds come & go Pb 

xxx

[powerback]

Im good at faking it to be honest pink ,its something booked for a while ,trying to keep calm for the week and push ruminations out.

I will be around family so it will be tiring ,so ile have constant mindfulness and stay out of drama .

Keep pushing the demon critic out of your head and stay focused .

Take care .

[pinkfairy]

Fake it till you make it  

 

hope you have a good time regardless.

xxx

 

 

3am woke up adrenaline surges,mind like a washing machine “what if”

anxiety like a Rottweiler today.DR/DP back...I feel smashed to pieces on the inside,feel broken but am healing (healing is in the aching)...man I feel soulless.

 

Just had a smoothie & an Epsom bath.snuggled in pjs repeating over & over “am ok” & colouring!been doing some eft & nearly bashed my teeth out,tapped a bit to hard on my upper lip lol 

 

This wave is brutal,gone down but not out. 

Xx

 

 

[powerback]

1 minute ago, pinkfairy said:

Fake it till you make it  

 

hope you have a good time regardless.

xxx

 

 

3am woke up adrenaline surges,mind like a washing machine “what if”

anxiety like a Rottweiler today.DR/DP back...I feel smashed to pieces on the inside,feel broken but am healing (healing is in the aching)...man I feel soulless.

 

Just had a smoothie & an Epsom bath.snuggled in pjs repeating over & over “am ok” & colouring!been doing some eft & nearly bashed my teeth out,tapped a bit to hard on my upper lip lol 

 

This wave is brutal,gone down but not out. 

Xx

 

 

sounds like we are riding the same wave pink .I don't have the capacity to go out today.it mite change later.

morning tv is so triggering ,I will put the tv in the bin 

[pinkfairy]

Oh sorry Pb it’s just relentless.I have shuffled from one room to the other that’s it.I can’t watch t.v at all...every body as intact CNS an it freaks me out.

by the way..mines been thrown out of the window onto the garden haha!!