☼ pinkfairy: rapid taper of Paxil

February 23, 2018

5 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Hi pb how are you doing?

thank you so much for checking in,it means loads xx

Honestly....Am doing very bad!no improvements & just getting sicker.have gone into a spiral,I can’t get out of it...Am honestly struggling with the trauma of it all,I can’t speak to my son am just froze in terror....He basically shuts me out,won’t come near me...This suffering is unbearable.All my past is hammering on the door...what have lost seems to much for me!I can’t handle any stress & no matter if I hold it’s just getting worse....I honestly think am going to end up losing my son & our home!i can’t function pb...

i dont know what to do at this point.My nervous system is fried...getting out of bed produces panic attacks!

Am lost & lonely to the core...my family pattern is playing out in front of my eyes & am too sick to stop it...my son should not be going through this & I just feel as though I can’t put him through it for much longer!He deserves a childhood pb...I didn’t get one!

thank you for asking xxx

sorry it’s a horrible update...

Don't be sorry for one second ,we can have a pity party together ,I am in a similar spiral ,I totally get you about your past knocking on your door ,I love the way you put that .

All the crap ide watch for distraction is all triggering me ,I cant avoid anything ,its horrible when your own mind becomes our nightmare ,what to do .I just pray its over soon for us ,my heart hasn't stopped throbbing all day ,day dreaming of better times is making me sick ,haunted .

For a start in this day in age a mother and child cant be put on the street,go straight to your local MP if there's any wind of that happening.

I'm ready to give up the ghost .

February 23, 2018

12 minutes ago, powerback said:

Don't be sorry for one second ,we can have a pity party together ,I am in a similar spiral ,I totally get you about your past knocking on your door ,I love the way you put that .

All the crap ide watch for distraction is all triggering me ,I cant avoid anything ,its horrible when your own mind becomes our nightmare ,what to do .I just pray its over soon for us ,my heart hasn't stopped throbbing all day ,day dreaming of better times is making me sick ,haunted .

For a start in this day in age a mother and child cant be put on the street,go straight to your local MP if there's any wind of that happening.

I'm ready to give up the ghost .

Oh pb I know how you feel,so sorry your struggling too...I can’t watch the tv or listen to music all too triggering...oh it’s definitely a pity party 🎉 on this page!

what do we do when our minds attack us mines just looping all the good times when I could parent & was close to my son.Or just feeling alive & happy,having friends & going out to There houses...my heart just aches!

i Wish I could just wave a wand for every body suffering on here!

I meant pb at this rate my son will probably get taken off me...as I can’t function to parent.Theres no boundaries,his living in & unstable home pb...it’s not right!I grew up in one...I don’t want this for my son!His basically doing his own thing...Am so pissed off at allowing them doctors to CT me...if had of known had of stayed on them,then no benzo would of been introduced!

i have no idea how am meant to get out of this spiral...

summer coming up his triggering me to the core!Another one lost while friends are at BBQS etc...

am going to go insane from been alone with no adukt company!I don’t even no who I am any more.I have no base line to go back too..

man this is just utter suffering!

As anything triggered yours pb??

This town holds to many memories I want to move far away!But to sick to leave my home..This is just me though,I feel the longer am taking this stuff it’s poisoning me...I cry every time I take it,as I hate it that much.It just revs me up...what a Debbie downer I am!every noise is like glass going through me!Have got a child what’s rebelling at everything I say or ask him to do!He looks at me with hatred in his eyes

who wouldnt,there only parent out of it...

yea the past is a knocking & the future seems empty

i pray a loveky window window opens for you pb xxx

February 23, 2018

3 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Oh pb I know how you feel,so sorry your struggling too...I can’t watch the tv or listen to music all too triggering...oh it’s definitely a pity party 🎉 on this page!

what do we do when our minds attack us mines just looping all the good times when I could parent & was close to my son.Or just feeling alive & happy,having friends & going out to There houses...my heart just aches!

i Wish I could just wave a wand for every body suffering on here!

I meant pb at this rate my son will probably get taken off me...as I can’t function to parent.Theres no boundaries,his living in & unstable home pb...it’s not right!I grew up in one...I don’t want this for my son!His basically doing his own thing...Am so pissed off at allowing them doctors to CT me...if had of known had of stayed on them,then no benzo would of been introduced!

i have no idea how am meant to get out of this spiral...

summer coming up his triggering me to the core!Another one lost while friends are at BBQS etc...

am going to go insane from been alone with no adukt company!I don’t even no who I am any more.I have no base line to go back too..

man this is just utter suffering!

As anything triggered yours pb??

This town holds to many memories I want to move far away!But to sick to leave my home..This is just me though,I feel the longer am taking this stuff it’s poisoning me...I cry every time I take it,as I hate it that much.It just revs me up...what a Debbie downer I am!every noise is like glass going through me!Have got a child what’s rebelling at everything I say or ask him to do!He looks at me with hatred in his eyes

who wouldnt,there only parent out of it...

yea the past is a knocking & the future seems empty

i pray a loveky window window opens for you pb xxx

Nope I don't want it ,you can have the window ,I hope it for you.theres a funny Saturday night sketch called Debbie downer ,hope I'm not out of line mentioning it to you .it could be to hard to watch at the moment .

Everything triggers me .

we can swap towns ,I'm triggered by all my peers I grew up with getting on in life ,its not even jealousy,its a fundamental human right to live that I'm not able to do .I should leave but I'm stuck like you say .

IM the same with the noise also.

Were you going to a group meeting a while ago ,you probably to sick for it anyhow .

its not that you allowed the doctor ,the doctor just trampled all over your trust and took liberties .

February 23, 2018

3 minutes ago, powerback said:

Nope I don't want it ,you can have the window ,I hope it for you.theres a funny Saturday night sketch called Debbie downer ,hope I'm not out of line mentioning it to you .it could be to hard to watch at the moment .

Everything triggers me .

we can swap towns ,I'm triggered by all my peers I grew up with getting on in life ,its not even jealousy,its a fundamental human right to live that I'm not able to do .I should leave but I'm stuck like you say .

IM the same with the noise also.

Were you going to a group meeting a while ago ,you probably to sick for it anyhow .

its not that you allowed the doctor ,the doctor just trampled all over your trust and took liberties .

Awww pb your so sweet what a true gent you are!Why is it,it seems all the beautiful souls suffer the most?

am sorry your town feels like that & the noise !

I would love to swap,Start a fresh some where new!With no memories attached to anything...

Am not jealous,as you say it’s our right to be out there “living” I feel as though am in the underworld here!

yea I was going to the group,but the depression descended awhile ago & I can’t leave my house with out panicking.so I don’t leave any-more.

Ye it feels like they gave me a chemical labotamey!had love to CT him off meds then give him a benzo.But there again I would never do that if he had a child...How they sleep at night is beyond me pb!

just can’t believe have been made & out cast by my own town!Have seen a different side to humans what I don’t like one bit...

lol no I haven’t seen it pb.will have to try & watch it.But at this point I can’t put the tv on wth no human should have to suffer this way...it’s inhumane!I just cry 24/7 because am in that much agony from head to toe...I just would like a little window for 5 minutes even!

Just for some hope

xxx

February 23, 2018

39 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Awww pb your so sweet what a true gent you are!Why is it,it seems all the beautiful souls suffer the most?

am sorry your town feels like that & the noise !

I would love to swap,Start a fresh some where new!With no memories attached to anything...

Am not jealous,as you say it’s our right to be out there “living” I feel as though am in the underworld here!

yea I was going to the group,but the depression descended awhile ago & I can’t leave my house with out panicking.so I don’t leave any-more.

Ye it feels like they gave me a chemical labotamey!had love to CT him off meds then give him a benzo.But there again I would never do that if he had a child...How they sleep at night is beyond me pb!

just can’t believe have been made & out cast by my own town!Have seen a different side to humans what I don’t like one bit...

lol no I haven’t seen it pb.will have to try & watch it.But at this point I can’t put the tv on wth no human should have to suffer this way...it’s inhumane!I just cry 24/7 because am in that much agony from head to toe...I just would like a little window for 5 minutes even!

Just for some hope

xxx

they sleep fine because in the world they grow up in ,its all I have studied hard I deserve to be a doctor ,its a vocation for a tiny percentage .be good at school and books and your a doctor.the emperors will never remove there clothes .the only reason why they get stressed is because they take on a huge work load that is unnecessary. its also a problem with them being to weak to tell a patient no .

I know of a women in her 70s her doctor wanted her off the drug she has been on for 30 years that actually works for her sleeping and she has no problems with the drug .they don't know what there at .

I really believe if secret filming went on in these offices we would be shocked .absolutely no transparency.ok rant over .

Something savinggrace mentioned to me on my thread was about me being off alcohol was interesting ,our brains could still be finding its way after sobriety ,maybe that's something to be hopeful for ,being sober .

This was the first week in my life I didn't want to leave the house for most of it .

February 23, 2018

1 minute ago, powerback said:

they sleep fine because in the world they grow up in ,its all ive studied hard I deserve to be a doctor ,its a vocation for a tiny percentage .be good a school and books your a doctor.the emperors will never remove there clothes .the only reason why they get stressed is because they take on a huge work load that is unnecessary. its also a problem with them being to weak to tell a patient no .

I really believe if secret filming went on in these offices we would be shocked .absolutely no transparency.ok rant over .

Something savinggrace mentioned to me on my thread was about me being off alcohol was interesting ,our brains could still be finding its way after sobriety ,maybe that's something to be hopeful for ,being sober .

This was the first week in my life I didn't want to leave the house for most of it .

Am not an aggressive person by nature,until I started tapering this benzo,I feel like my whole personality as been wiped out...i used to be so kind,caring & loving,had never hurt a fly...

well now I feel so bitter & full of every nasty emotion going...

i could strangle my doctor with his own tie,I feel like anything could set me off & I would snap...This is not me at all!Its pretty scary to feel like a monster of some sort...I do know it’s the drugs,as I was so happy go lucky before,I didn’t care for gossip I was just lucky had survived my past...I was grateful for life.Now I hate it xxx

Am sorry you haven’t wanted to go out !i couldn’t tell you the last time I walked any where!I do know pb that you will get out of this nightmare one day...you have the courage of & ox....

yea I think been a big binge drinker for decades as really not helped!But even when I drank I was never this brain dead or disabled!yea rough for days but always held two jobs down.

Been sober is hard very hard,I wouldn’t of stopped my wine on a weekend if I hadn’t of been given benzos!I used it to de-stress after a working week...I didn’t go out no more!so going from a binge drinker to just a bottle of wine a week was awesome for me...

well done on been sober for us it’s definitely not an easy feat by any means!

i feel stripped to the core of all have ever known!i can’t look at pictures of my son & me with out crying when we were happy

i feel selfish to the core,as everything is always about me in this mess....hell I always cared for every body else & I came second..I feel like a narcissistic,I was googling it!

but baylissa said no your in survival mode!I hate the person who looks in the mirror,I don’t know her anymore!Then I question have I ever known me...As I was all ways a people pleaser...

i just want this this over am exhausted & no where near done!

The time frame sickens me to the core!I want my son back & me that’s all I want in this life.But times ticking & am getting sicker.My mind is taking me out,self destruct mode in me,while going through this...

i want that time machine to go back to 2016 xxx

February 23, 2018

9 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Am not an aggressive person by nature,until I started tapering this benzo,I feel like my whole personality as been wiped out...i used to be so kind,caring & loving,had never hurt a fly...

well now I feel so bitter & full of every nasty emotion going...

i could strangle my doctor with his own tie,I feel like anything could set me off & I would snap...This is not me at all!Its pretty scary to feel like a monster of some sort...I do know it’s the drugs,as I was so happy go lucky before,I didn’t care for gossip I was just lucky had survived my past...I was grateful for life.Now I hate it xxx

Am sorry you haven’t wanted to go out !i couldn’t tell you the last time I walked any where!I do know pb that you will get out of this nightmare one day...you have the courage of & ox....

yea I think been a big binge drinker for decades as really not helped!But even when I drank I was never this brain dead or disabled!yea rough for days but always held two jobs down.

Been sober is hard very hard,I wouldn’t of stopped my wine on a weekend if I hadn’t of been given benzos!I used it to de-stress after a working week...I didn’t go out no more!so going from a binge drinker to just a bottle of wine a week was awesome for me...

well done on been sober for us it’s definitely not an easy feat by any means!

i feel stripped to the core of all have ever known!i can’t look at pictures of my son & me with out crying when we were happy

i feel selfish to the core,as everything is always about me in this mess....hell I always cared for every body else & I came second..I feel like a narcissistic,I was googling it!

but baylissa said no your in survival mode!I hate the person who looks in the mirror,I don’t know her anymore!Then I question have I ever known me...As I was all ways a people pleaser...

i just want this this over am exhausted & no where near done!

The time frame sickens me to the core!I want my son back & me that’s all I want in this life.But times ticking & am getting sicker.My mind is taking me out,self destruct mode in me,while going through this...

i want that time machine to go back to 2016 xxx

Something is bound to snap in us when our souls are taken from us pink .

we just keep putting blind faith in hope and do all the faking it till we make it .

I so hope some relief for you soon pink .

we need to think this long winter hasn't helped .the cold seeped trough my bones today .

March 3, 2018

HI pink hope you didn't get snowed in like we did in Ireland .

Remember we are worth it .

Sending some of my window to you across the Irish sea .

March 13, 2018

Hi Pb are you ok?sorry for the late reply things not good at home...xxx

@brassmonkey

hello brass monkey I hope your doing well...

What are your thoughts on myself changing to liquid?i tried it in 2016,but it didn’t agree with me,am not sure if it was because I had just lost my job,home & partner & all that sent me into a wave or it was because it was alcohol based...But if I get my doctor to agree to prescribe the almond oil one..any input would be welcome..Am also scared that if you decide to leave here am left high & dry,as you are the one with the mgi figures.

Also am pretty scared that I don’t have a taper plan in front of me..Everybody was helping on here god love them.. but then I messed up by been erratic..so I came away from here as I knew I had messed my chances up of been helped.

I have no idea how to get off this stuff...my doses are all over the place as well...

any input from any body body about how to proceed forward would be greatly appreciated thank you xxx

March 13, 2018

HI pink ,I really hope you stabilise soon ,you deserve it so much .I wish I could report improvements myself but sadly its horrible ,I'm weak and sick with panic and anxiety ,I'm so easily triggered lately I don't want to open my eyes .I now just want to be numbed by the effects of the drugs I despise ,I'm becoming agoraphobic and its taking a lot of energy to leave the house.

Don't for one second waste valuable time and energy worrying on my behalf ,use it all for yourself .sadly a lot of my triggers are down to my previous choices/behaviour in my past [none criminal ] and I'm simply haunted every day by it .if there neuro or not ,it doesn't seem to make a difference on my system .I wont bother going on ,I'm nearly defeated .

I so hope you get well pink ,never give up .

March 13, 2018

Oh Pb

I wish I could reach out to hug you...I get you totally about not wanting to open your eyes again..am getting triggered by this whole situation am in,as it reminds me off my childhood,an what I didn’t want for my son as happened...& how have got into this mess been surrounded by narcs...I used to be a giver & now have got nothing left to give any more..to myself or son!am thoroughly exhausted by only sleeping 2-4 hours a night since 2016....am so sick taking the drugs & sick trying to get off them...my son is struggling at school...he just cry’s & says mum it’s been going on to long & your not off...will I get adopted my soul is in bits...if I could had updose as this suffering is way to much...am a single mum trying to run a home & am falling apart & watching our life’s unravel & I can’t do jack to stop it..these drugs are making me ill as soon as I take them am wired..Had go CT if I didn’t have my son..I know it’s not advised but am getting sick of just holding...I feel like am going to turn to ashes before long...

i really wish wish you were healed Pb & living life instead of this hell hole you so deserve better than this...I just want to go back to 2016 & be back on meds

Am holding your hand in the darkness Pb xxx

March 13, 2018

Thanks pink your very kind ,this holding business is very frustrating I totally get you ,I'm trying to live life as best I can and to be honest this mite be my reason for being so triggered ,I get a glimpse of life the way its "supposed " to be lived and it tortures me ,its not even on a superficial aspect or jealousy ,sheer grief of a life ruined and I have to be honest and I cant be claiming to blame everything on the meds but there a cog in a big wheel .

Its so annoying that a good decent person like yourself trying to raise a child has this happen [sorry I don't want to trigger you ].

I'm embarrassed I'm this bad since a year ago[and far from great then ], I will have to make a decision wether or not to just go on a different med or up dose .I think in my own case there's probably too many negatives going against me to just ride this out for another few years and no guarantee of a recovery .no one tells ye when ye hit protracted withdrawl that every single family/friend member and loved one loose patience because ye become like a toxic gas that they cant be around because of there own fears and mentality.[I base this assumption on my own case ]

Your well and good to be away from narcs even though things are rough at the moment .have you listened to any of Richard Gannon's [Spartan lifecoach] work on narcs .give him a check out when your feeling a little better .

Ide love to see if theres any other single mams on here to relate and help you in this horrible time ,I hate to think of you alone in this nightmare .

March 13, 2018

Your just a true gent Pb you really are...

i cant even live my life as am house bound with very bad agrobphobia...So I see every body getting on with there life’s & me & my son are stuck at home...

same here pb I can’t ride this out for years not with a 10 year old who is already suffering,it’s ripped our relationship apart...my friends have all gone,I have & aunt but we do not get on (massive trigger)

i lost my home,job & partner through this!i really don’t know who I am any more...

i was so out going & bubbly always the life & sole where ever I went..now am just suffering & a shell of who I was!I need to come up with some-thing because at this rate I will end up losing my son..I can’t do this for years my circumstances won’t let me..am glad you have family Pb,it’s all have ever wanted “mum dad” etc

If I lose my son then it will I’ll be game over!have been doing suffering since 2016 & not even off the other drugs

Thank you I will check him out...

seems were both in the same boat here am truly sorry your suffering & I wish I had a magic wand for every body on here.

theres mums on here but am not sure if there alone xxx

March 15, 2018

Any moderators around please

My doctor is only prescribing me 4mg of diazepam starting on Monday....dear lord,I need some help or figures to cut I have no option...why do they do this????This is so much added stress

i said am very ill,suffering so much & bed bound nearly..& all he said was this is drawing out to long,have never had any body have this much problems before...he thinks am on 4.5 mg

so his prepared to cut my dose by 0.5...that is criminal..

am very scared incase he starts dropping me fast,as any body got any ideas what I can do please

thank you xxx

March 15, 2018

Thank you for your sweet post on my thread.

Now that I read your thread I see that you are in crisis. I'm very sorry that you are in this position. I can see that you love your ten year old son very much, and I am sure he can see that, too. You have to stay calm for him. He is the most important thing to you I'm sure. So, stay calm, and do not worry until you get an answer here. There will be a way to handle this.

I think you would get help faster if you post on the benzo forum. Maybe you are afraid to do that, but I do not think you would be ignored. (I would hope not!) I think it would be wise to put your current dose in your signature first.

I'm not of much use to anyone right now, but even if I were I wouldn't know how to deal with benzos. All I can say is that I can't figure out what dose you are on or what dose the doctor is planning to give you.

EDIT: Maybe you could see a neurologist? I wonder if a neurologist would have seen what's happening to you before and would know that you need a slow taper. Mod's?

I will pray for you to find a way through this.

Peace,

Rosetta

March 15, 2018

Thank you so much for lovely post it means a lot ♥️

My son is my life,but am struggling & the dam doctor wants me to go down on Monday !

Am at 4.2 of diazepam now..he wants me to go to 4..

am to sick to cut again & suffering so much now.I have begged him not to,but he said Monday morning am writing 4mg..

I would have to go through my doctors to see one.Looks like there wanting me off...

Sorry your suffering too I wish I could make you better some how!

No way I can taper again,am not going to handle it.

Thank you for your help...

i have a benzo thread,but I can’t find it.Brass monkey was working my figures out on here.

oh am so confused am sorry xxx

March 15, 2018

Here's the link:

pinkfairy-in-ad-withdrawal-possibly-zopiclone-and-now-benzo

March 15, 2018

Try this link to edit your signature

http://survivingantidepressants.org/settings/signature

March 17, 2018

Thank you both so much ❤️

March 17, 2018

@Rosetta @ChessieCat

Have tried to up date my signurate,but it’s saying to many lines to update?

xxx

March 17, 2018

On March 15, 2018 at 2:10 PM, pinkfairy said:

Thank you so much for lovely post it means a lot ♥️

My son is my life,but am struggling & the dam doctor wants me to go down on Monday !

Am at 4.2 of diazepam now..he wants me to go to 4..

am to sick to cut again & suffering so much now.I have begged him not to,but he said Monday morning am writing 4mg..

I would have to go through my doctors to see one.Looks like there wanting me off...

Sorry your suffering too I wish I could make you better some how!

No way I can taper again,am not going to handle it.

Thank you for your help...

i have a benzo thread,but I can’t find it.Brass monkey was working my figures out on here.

oh am so confused am sorry xxx

Hi Pink:

My dr was so please with my Lexapro taper that he decided I need to start tapering my Xanax.

I'm starting with a 2.5% taper.

This is my 3rd day and I'm really nauseous.

Were you or are you nauseous on your taper?

Thanks for your help.

Hope you are doing well. I read your dr is making you taper too. So sorry...

Take care,

Frogie xx

March 17, 2018

Hi froggie ♥️

Am sorry your doctor is making you as well froggie

yes i I get the feeling sick a lot

i hope it passes for you really soon xxx

March 17, 2018

2 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Hi froggie ♥️

Am sorry your doctor is making you as well froggie

yes i I get the feeling sick a lot

i hope it passes for you really soon xxx

I'm sorry you get sick.

I just got off the phone with my dr. He said to stop the taper. Go back and concentrate on the Lexapro taper.

Hopefully I won't be sick much longer.

I hope you will feel better soon.

Take care,

Frogie xx

March 17, 2018

Or that’s great froggie ♥️

Am so oleased his allowing you to do thst...

my doctor is been horrible...

his wanting me off which is so scary

he he wants to see a taper plan infront of him or I will be handed over to the addiction specialist & he will drop me at a 1mg a time

so am basically stuck between a boulder & a rock

xxx

March 17, 2018

1 minute ago, pinkfairy said:

Or that’s great froggie ♥️

Am so oleased his allowing you to do thst...

my doctor is been horrible...

his wanting me off which is so scary

he he wants to see a taper plan infront of him or I will be handed over to the addiction specialist & he will drop me at a 1mg a time

so am basically stuck between a boulder & a rock

xxx

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can work something out.

I'm going back to my Lexapro taper and hopefully I won't be sick.

I really hope you feel better soon.

Take care,

Frogie xx

August 28, 2018

i have been using this before bed

I found it very powerful & comforting 💕

also skeeter recommended paint by numbers

I bought one & I have finished it’s taken me a year to complete there very therapeutic there on amazon if any body is interested...

Also me & my son purchased a butterfly garden.We had to order the caterpillars

so this summer we watched 10 baby caterpillars transform into butterflies we set 10 free this summer...it’s been & amazing project to watch...too those with children I would highly recommend.This time last year I couldn’t of done this...

I would like to offer to support others on here & get some support myself!i was seeing a counsellor but I have had to stop as the funds are low & this is a lonely journey to do this alone...so I am looking for some friends 💕

August 28, 2018

On 3/17/2018 at 3:34 PM, Frogie said:

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can work something out.

I'm going back to my Lexapro taper and hopefully I won't be sick.

I really hope you feel better soon.

Take care,

Frogie xx

Thanks froggie I hope your managing as best as you can 💕

stay safe

pink xxxx

August 28, 2018

7 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

i have been using this before bed

I found it very powerful & comforting 💕

also skeeter recommended paint by numbers

I bought one & I have finished it’s taken me a year to complete there very therapeutic there on amazon if any body is interested...

Also me & my son purchased a butterfly garden.We had to order the caterpillars

so this summer we watched 10 baby caterpillars transform into butterflies we set 10 free this summer...it’s been & amazing project to watch...too those with children I would highly recommend.This time last year I couldn’t of done this...

I would like to offer to support others on here & get some support myself!i was seeing a counsellor but I have had to stop as the funds are low & this is a lonely journey to do this alone...so I am looking for some friends 💕

The butterfly garden sounds lovely pink.

Your far from alone pink and your amongst friends here.

its great you've recognised you can do things this year you couldn't last year .this is great .

Take care pink and be well.

August 29, 2018

Morning p.b

thanks for stopping by...

the butterfly garden was unreal too watch.

Dam was doing so much better

seem to of taken a total nose dive.Sleep gone out of the window..

missing my son so much!The longer I stay on this stuff

it seems the more depressed I am becoming & my son seems further slipping away...cannot change the channel on my son going I keep trying to but it’s a heart ache.

i am just letting the tears come & laid snuggles with my dogs.In pain so & Epsom bath it is & a book.

hope your ok & thanks again for stopping by...

keep safe xxxx

August 29, 2018

14 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Morning p.b

thanks for stopping by...

the butterfly garden was unreal too watch.

Dam was doing so much better

seem to of taken a total nose dive.Sleep gone out of the window..

missing my son so much!The longer I stay on this stuff

it seems the more depressed I am becoming & my son seems further slipping away...cannot change the channel on my son going I keep trying to but it’s a heart ache.

i am just letting the tears come & laid snuggles with my dogs.In pain so & Epsom bath it is & a book.

hope your ok & thanks again for stopping by...

keep safe xxxx

Its very tough indeed pink but keep your son in your heart as a beaming light to keep up the fight and keep learning everything you can of this mess we are in .this is of course no judgement of you but be watchful of wallowing in the self-pity misery ,I should know ,im very guilty of it but getting better at watching out for it .

keep a routine ,always keep judging and practicing when you can get out for walks and do "normal" things .

keep reading up and understanding guilt ,its the devil and evil .there's sense to why some have it strong and shouldn't and others that should have it don't IE murders and serious nasty people that purposely cause serious harm to others ,this is not us so we need to practice being nice to ourselves .

if your son is sick ,you give serious compassion and nurture ,turn this inward on yourself pink .

Bath and book sounds great .

September 1, 2018

Thank you so much p.b

i hope your managing ok 💕

adter you wrote that I got up & planted some flowers!have realised none of this was our fault

my son is the person keeping me going in this.

yea murders etc feel no remorse

I do think this world is full of evil ie (pharma companies)

well yesterday I had such a massive trigger!

knock at the door 11am was in a wave any way.My dad stood there

normally I would of been happy to see him (well my inner little girl) we have never had a bond.I have tried all my life to get him to love me (no go for him)

so when I was at crisis he never bothered!never text when I was in hospital etc....

so he turned up yesteday day I said how come your here

he said his split up with his wife etc I felt nothing

my first reaction was get out how dare you.but me,been me let him in

he was chatting I had Neuro emotions going crazy...he left then said I will call later...I thought I can’t handle this.started crying when he left I phoned the crisis team because I got so angry at myself that I didn’t say what I wanted too.so instead I was crying...

the worker said let’s come up with a plan too protect your self.so I text him & said dad am too vulnerable I am only 6 weeks out of hospital..it upset me no end seeing you so for now I am having to put me first so I can’t see you till am strong enough take care..

so many emotions going on right now.i feel like it’s set me back...

he had no right to turn up but he did.

i kept busy yesterday but that inner critic is wild...so many unresolved issues regarding my dad.

but this event as triggered everything off.

i could literally scream with frustration!how can one person confuse some one so much.it was heart breaking saying I can’t see you.First time in 39 years have stopped him walking in & out & now I feel awful for it I let him in he gets a woman & goes.I can’t do it this time p.b but it dredges everything up neuro spiral at its best..change the channel here we come xxx

i am going to get proactive & paint some little bird boxes today & try & do a food shop with my friend!!

stay safe xxxx

September 1, 2018

2 hours ago, pinkfairy said:

Thank you so much p.b

i hope your managing ok 💕

adter you wrote that I got up & planted some flowers!have realised none of this was our fault

my son is the person keeping me going in this.

yea murders etc feel no remorse

I do think this world is full of evil ie (pharma companies)

well yesterday I had such a massive trigger!

knock at the door 11am was in a wave any way.My dad stood there

normally I would of been happy to see him (well my inner little girl) we have never had a bond.I have tried all my life to get him to love me (no go for him)

so when I was at crisis he never bothered!never text when I was in hospital etc....

so he turned up yesteday day I said how come your here

he said his split up with his wife etc I felt nothing

my first reaction was get out how dare you.but me,been me let him in

he was chatting I had Neuro emotions going crazy...he left then said I will call later...I thought I can’t handle this.started crying when he left I phoned the crisis team because I got so angry at myself that I didn’t say what I wanted too.so instead I was crying...

the worker said let’s come up with a plan too protect your self.so I text him & said dad am too vulnerable I am only 6 weeks out of hospital..it upset me no end seeing you so for now I am having to put me first so I can’t see you till am strong enough take care..

so many emotions going on right now.i feel like it’s set me back...

he had no right to turn up but he did.

i kept busy yesterday but that inner critic is wild...so many unresolved issues regarding my dad.

but this event as triggered everything off.

i could literally scream with frustration!how can one person confuse some one so much.it was heart breaking saying I can’t see you.First time in 39 years have stopped him walking in & out & now I feel awful for it I let him in he gets a woman & goes.I can’t do it this time p.b but it dredges everything up neuro spiral at its best..change the channel here we come xxx

i am going to get proactive & paint some little bird boxes today & try & do a food shop with my friend!!

stay safe xxxx

Defo dont need that pink ,someone very close to me is in a similar situation with there father there whole life ,its very tricky indeed ,maybe it can help to see he just could never give you what he didnt have ,an awful lot if people get involved in marriages and relationships for the wrong reasons ,I think previous generations get married and have familys because its the thing to do and dont have an iota of what it takes to be there for someone ,your son wont have that problem,just look at the fight youve put up for him .

I think looking into gabor mate's insights of family can help you but for now rest .

Im glad to chat today because im in a bad way ,not sure if its a reaction to the local anesthetic but im very unstable and my critic is ridiculous.so im fire fighting and hopefully I get out later myself.

Yep ringing crisis team was best ,youve enough to deal with besides your dad turning up .alot of men go from mother to wife to another wife and simply dont know how to cope.

Be careful of the strong guilt ,he needs to be respectful .

You will need to eventually let yourself understand its not personal the way your father was with you ,god knows what is behind someones thinking but it is hard .

My parents notice im not around like before but its more than withdrawl ,its a totall change in how I want to live

.ide rather go for a nice ramble in the mountains than sit around gossiping or talking pointless drivel ,I cant bare it and im getting worse ,small town mindsets really affect me .I think withdrawl has made it worse because im hypervigilant im the gossip .

I do this horrible thing were I preempt what people think of me and make up my argument and defense in my head ,its driving me nuts.

Take care and have fun with the bird boxes .

September 2, 2018

Morning SA

I have to realise it was never about me it was his stuff & his problems etc (still hurts)

but for the 1st time I have had to walk away & too protect myself.I now know it’s the best decision for my son & me...my son doesn’t know him as a grandad (I won’t say what he called him after he left

The thing is I actually needed him while & before I went into hospital..he was a no show.I got through that & it’s made stronger for it.

p.b am sorry you are unstable but the injection will of rocked your CNS

it will calm down hopefully soon.

am sorry your parents notice you aren’t there

but in WD I think we have to WD to WD If that makes sense.

i have never been one for gossip even before this or small talk.waa never my thing.

yep small minds in this town too drives me bonkers because it’s all just materialistic nonsense...

i used to go walking all the time.

i was content been a good mum.work going for runs & my dogs!i had changed my whole life around for the better.

now it’s gone..I can’t do any..(for now)

my innee critic is wild .one day hopefully we will tame the beast..

i really hope this wave passes for you soon xxxx

i managed to clean the house yesterday,garden & get a food shop done ✅

also ordered some rose bush covers to protect my Rosie’s in the winter.my garden as really really helped me these last 6 weeks!

xxxx

September 2, 2018

5 hours sleep with vivid dreaming..

anxiety quite high & burning skin slight head pressure & aching joints...

just going AAF through today...beautiful sunny day so I am going to do a Sunday dinner & paint the bird boxes...

hang in there everybidy your worth it xxxx

September 2, 2018

Hi Pinkfairy

I hope your day was bearable as can be and you enjoyed your roast!

Jonny

September 2, 2018

1 hour ago, jonnypeters1234567 said:

Hi Pinkfairy

I hope your day was bearable as can be and you enjoyed your roast!

Jonny

Hi Jonny

many thanks for stopping by & saying hello really appreciate it thank you...

The dinner was lovely..I just had no energy to wash up.Note to self (start buying paper plates) back into a wave I keep rapid cycling

windows then waves...

I hope your managing & your day as been bearable

xxxx

☼ pinkfairy: rapid taper of Paxil

Recommended Posts

powerback

Link to comment

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

pinkfairy

pinkfairy

pinkfairy

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

Rosetta

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

ChessieCat

Link to comment

Rosetta

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

Frogie

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

Frogie

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

Frogie

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

powerback

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment

jonnypeters1234567

Link to comment

pinkfairy

Link to comment