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brassmonkey

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

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Happy2Heal
On 11/15/2016 at 8:28 PM, brassmonkey said:

So how can we learn to control such a destructive thought process?

 

There are four steps:

 

1. Identify that it's happening,

 

2. Defuse the situation,

 

3. Change the channel,

 

4. Go on with life.

 

Identifying the situation can be hard at first because it's very easy to fall into The Spiral.  A person needs to go through the entire cycle several times to identify the pattern and understand the progression.  I find that I can be well into the pattern before I realize that it's happening again.  Learning what one’s triggers are is a good place to start and previsualizing situations where those triggers might occur.  That way a person can "keep on guard" when those situations arise.

 

Previsualizing situations must be done with care, because it is essentially setting off a trigger on purpose.  It is very easy for the previsualization secession to get out of hand starting The Spiral off and running.  For a lot of people this could be called overthinking a situation.

 

It's frequently the little things that set a Spiral off.  Getting cut off in traffic, a coworker’s off comment, someone’s tone of voice.  When a spiral has ended, I try to go back and coldly analyse it to see what the trigger was for future reference.

 

Thought processes are a highly individual and private thing.  No one can really know what you’re thinking.  The thoughts we are looking at as triggers are our reactions to various stimuli.  It’s not the stimulus itself, but rather our “perception” of it and reaction to it.  We all have nasty people in our lives, people who will say mean things just to get a reaction.  They’re naturally triggers, we know it and can generally handle them accordingly.  Then there are the people we know who wouldn’t purposefully hurt us or just plain strangers.

 

They’re the unintentional and accidental triggers that can cause a lot of Spirals.  It’s all due to our “perception” of the situation.  You’re standing in line at the grocery checkout.  You made a little effort to look nice this morning because you feel bad and thought it might help your attitude.  The friendly person behind you acknowledges your efforts by saying “My, don’t you look nice this morning.”  You “perceive” a compliment and feel better.

 

However, the friendly person is chewing gum at the time.  That gum causes them to swallow in midsentence so it comes out like “My, don’t you look…….nice this morning.” That little pause, caused by an accidental swallow, changes your “perception” of a compliment to an insult.  It reminds you of the time your Aunt Sally, who had a cold, kept insulting your cooking because something “smelled funny”.  From there the thoughts snowball and The Spiral is out of control, wrecking your entire day and causing a major fight with your significant other.

 

thank you so much for all the work you put into this!
this is just what I seem to be dealing with now.

 

this is one of the best threads here.

 

I need to find a way to print this out!

 

 


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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mariella

Wow!!! 

I just posted about struggling with this. It's amazing just how lost we get. Thank you for taking your time with sharing it brassmonkey. I've had to do this type of work with my cptsd. I had know idea I would need to do the same coming off AD. 

In a sort of funny way looking forward to the challenge. 💙💚💙

 


1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax

1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac

June 2000 Cipramil  October 2000 Prozac again

2001 Sinequan with Risperdal

2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane

2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane

August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox.

 

March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro

December 20th 20mg Cipramil

 

2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg

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YammySteph

Thank you for posting this! I will practice this. 

 

Sometimes I feel when I try and “change the channel”, those negative thoughts will push super hard back into focus. It feels like someone is taking control of my actions. It feels that it’s not in my control. That’s the most challenging part. 


  • 2003-2006: Fluoxitine 
  • 2013-2015: Seroquel XR 600mg
  • 2016-2017: Seroquel XR 600mg Celexa 60mg, Lamictal 200mg, Ability 2mg, Minipress 4mg, Valium 2mg 
  • 2017 April: Celexa 40mg, Lamictal 100mg
  • 2017 July: Celexa 20mg, Lamictal 50mg
  • 2017 Sep: Celexa 10mg / Oct: 5mg / Nov: 2mg / Dec 4th: Quit

My introduction

 

 

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brassmonkey

Yea, that happens sometimes.  The trick is to just keep after it and keep after it.  the distraction of trying to change the channel helps to break the cycle so each time you do it you loosen the hold that the negative thoughts have.  After a while I found that using a key phrase like "I've already addressed this situation and thought it through, I don't have to do it again" then let it drop and go on with what I was doing worked pretty well.  It even worked when there had been a several week break in the thoughts.  It did take some time with using the key phrase and changing the channel to get the pattern established.  I also watched for certain times/situations where the thoughts would try to spring up with no real trigger.  Driving home from work was a challenging time for a while, but once I realized that this was a problem time of day I could be more on guard and catch things in the very early stages before they could really get a foothold.

 

Keep practicing, little by little you'll gain control and peace of mind.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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BloombieK

Thank you very much brassmonkey for such valuable information.  I've read  your posts several times and have found that I've been on emotional spirals, several at times, not knowing about it.  I knew about rumination but you explain very clearly to me how they work and that they can be difused.   I'm happy that now I can identify them, the triggers, and  am hopeful to find patterns and to get better at difusing them with practice.


March 2011: Mirtazapine 30mg, Clonazepam 0.5mg when needed.  Tapered off clonazepam with ease. Last dose: March, 2016

2013-2015: Several unsuccessful withdrawal attempts from mirtazapine.  2015-2017: mirtazapine 30mg.

Jan 16, 2018: Mirtazapine 27mg.  Feb 24, 2018: Reinstated mirtazapine 30mg, Feb 25, 2018: Mirtazapine 28.5mg

Apr 23, 2018: reinstated mirtazapine 30mg, May 29, 2018: mirtazapine 29.4mg  Jul 26, 2018: mirtazapine 28.8mg

Oct 7, 2018: Reinstated mirtazapine 30mg, Nov. 2018: mirtazapine 29.85

Dic 2018: mirtazapine 29.7, Jan 14, 2019: mirtazapine 29.61mg.

Jan 22, 019: Reinstated mirtazapine 30 mg, March 3, mirtazapine 29.7 mg

 

Taking Homeopathy since 2011 for different symptoms.

Supplements: For nervouss system: Ervioxil, Alfalco and Vitamin B, for sleeping: tart cherry

 

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Grayskies

Good evening

 

I have tapered down another 10% after starting this process last month. My biggest concern is that I feel so much more sensitive, like my armor is gone or something. I feel like it is much easier to hurt my feelings and I am very easily irritated. I don’t want to flip out at people and I have a job where I cannot lose my cool at all. Does anyone have suggestions for dealing with these emotions that feel like a lightening strike when they happen? I almost don’t even see them coming and then I feel stunned. 


2014 Effexor 225 mg, 2015- Paxil then back to Effexor (attempted to taper too quickly by half for 2 weeks) returned to 150 mg of Effexor, 2016 -March 2018 Effexor XR 150 mg (generic), March 2018– 135 mg Effexor XR,  4/9/18- 121.5 mg, 5/12/18- 101.25 mg, 5/29/18- 91.12, 6/9/18- 75 mg, 6/30/18- 60 mg, 7/12/18- 45 mg, 10/8/18-40.5 mg, 10/29/18 36.45 mg, 11/1/18- 30.25 mg, 12/9/18 25.7 mg
2/24/19- 20.56 mg, 3/16/19- 45 mg, 5/6/19-40.5, 6/8/19-36.45 7/19- 32.8- 8/19-29.5

 

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mariella

I know where you're coming from Grayskies. You described it so well, the armour has come off.  It's what's going on for me now. I'm afraid to go to the next taper. 

I'm so sensitive to everything, even food, my stomach is shocking. It needs food but it doesn't sit well. 

I wish I could advise you, but I myself need to know what to do to make it a bit easier. 

We are all in the right place to get help and support. 

Hang in there! 


1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax

1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac

June 2000 Cipramil  October 2000 Prozac again

2001 Sinequan with Risperdal

2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane

2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane

August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox.

 

March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro

December 20th 20mg Cipramil

 

2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg

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Grayskies

Mariella—  good to not feel alone in this, what is truly one of the most challenging things I have done in my life so far. 

So far the only thing I can think of doing is a good pep talk before I start my day.. knowing this will happen and that I should probably just do everything I can to sit with it and not react. If I still feel the next day that something should be done, I can do it... but in that moment generally my decisions are very irrational. I suppose this is just mindfulness. I have also been practicing eft tapping a lot regarding my fear of tapering down— this seems to be helpful and allow me to focus on my strengths and protective factors that will contribute to success. It’s easy to get swallowed up in the fear that “I can’t really do this” or “I will need to be on meds my whole life.” 

Still absolutely terrified at times but this is what I have come up with so far. Sending you strength and support! 


2014 Effexor 225 mg, 2015- Paxil then back to Effexor (attempted to taper too quickly by half for 2 weeks) returned to 150 mg of Effexor, 2016 -March 2018 Effexor XR 150 mg (generic), March 2018– 135 mg Effexor XR,  4/9/18- 121.5 mg, 5/12/18- 101.25 mg, 5/29/18- 91.12, 6/9/18- 75 mg, 6/30/18- 60 mg, 7/12/18- 45 mg, 10/8/18-40.5 mg, 10/29/18 36.45 mg, 11/1/18- 30.25 mg, 12/9/18 25.7 mg
2/24/19- 20.56 mg, 3/16/19- 45 mg, 5/6/19-40.5, 6/8/19-36.45 7/19- 32.8- 8/19-29.5

 

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brassmonkey

Hi Grayskies-  I love your attitude and perception of what is going on with your taper. It can't be taken lightly but can't be rushed, let's see how tomorrow is before making any decision. That will serve you well while you taper.

 

Fear of tapering is a prime example of Spiral Thinking and can be handled in the same manner.  There is no easy way past the next step, we all know it's going to hurt, but it's a step that  must be taken if we are to get anywhere with out taper.  There are things that can be done to lessen the effect of the symptoms, timing, taper percentage, stability are but a few.  Knowing and  Understanding that what ever happens is only temporary is a major factor in getting through with less disturbance. Psyching ones self out before a drop is a big cause of trouble.

 

I remember giving oral presentations in class back in high school.  I hated it. I would start getting upset several days before and by the time I had to present I would be a total mess.  But I would make it through the presentation and get a good grade.  I finally learned that all the worry was for nothing and would just make things worse, so I started to try and control the negative self talk before hand and as long as I had my material prepared, what use to be torture became a tolerable experience. Since then I have gone on to do many presentations at corporate levels, small gatherings, act in films and on live television.  I get quite nervous before each one, but by knowing that it will all work out I can get through it and get through it well.

 

The same goes for tapering.  Once you've done a couple of drops in the correct manner a person should have some idea what to expect.  They can either be afraid of it and make it worse, or accept what ever happens and ride it out in style. It's all personal choice.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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mariella

thankyou for your support Grayskies.

 


1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax

1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac

June 2000 Cipramil  October 2000 Prozac again

2001 Sinequan with Risperdal

2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane

2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane

August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox.

 

March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro

December 20th 20mg Cipramil

 

2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg

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Justcope

Thanks for this post. For me, spirals are my main and worst symptom. I had this problem before starting meds - leading to anxiety and so was put in meds. I thought I had developed enough skills to come off ADs with the help of a lovely therapist, but nope- bam! Spirals are out of control! Talk about losing complete confidence in yourself. That’s when the whole “I’m going to need meds forever” speech/spiral is in full force. 

I think a big trigger for me is heart palpitations. For me it just triggers anxiety and then lasts for ages. Then thoughts accompany it to try make sense of the anxiety. I’m not so good at catching it in time though. 

Think I’ll need to read and re read this article over and over to get the concept. 


Hi! I’m JustCope. 

 Currently tapering off 20mg lexapro. I’m about 10 weeks in and at 5mg- kinda fast I realise- stupidly listened to a GP who spoke to me for 5 mins about stopping lexapro. 🤕

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jordidog
On 3/8/2017 at 7:21 AM, LittleBelle1912 said:

This is quite possibly the best essay series out there dealing with ADWD. Thank you!

I have gotten a lot out of these. Thanks so much BRASSMONKEY and everyone else for being here!


 

1994 began Paxil 20. Jan2018-began taper @ 2.5 mg every 6 wks. 10mg Paxil on May 12/2018

May 2019 - 9.75 mg Paxil; July 12/19 9.5 mg

July 20/19 -9.75 mg

Aug  12/19 10 mg Paxil 10 mg Prozac, “Prozac bridge” ;zoplicone,Vit D 1000iu

CBD every day, magnesium bis-glycinate 200mgx3,Omega 3 600mg x3, gaba 600mgx2

Meditation, tapping ,DARE resources, exercise in pool

Aug 21 dropped Prozac; increase Paxil to 15mg

 

 

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jordidog
On 3/21/2018 at 6:39 AM, Happy2Heal said:

 

thank you so much for all the work you put into this!
this is just what I seem to be dealing with now.

 

this is one of the best threads here.

 

I need to find a way to print this out!

 

 

I’m taking screen shots. I’ll then email to myself and then print on our computer 


 

1994 began Paxil 20. Jan2018-began taper @ 2.5 mg every 6 wks. 10mg Paxil on May 12/2018

May 2019 - 9.75 mg Paxil; July 12/19 9.5 mg

July 20/19 -9.75 mg

Aug  12/19 10 mg Paxil 10 mg Prozac, “Prozac bridge” ;zoplicone,Vit D 1000iu

CBD every day, magnesium bis-glycinate 200mgx3,Omega 3 600mg x3, gaba 600mgx2

Meditation, tapping ,DARE resources, exercise in pool

Aug 21 dropped Prozac; increase Paxil to 15mg

 

 

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jordidog

Screen shot method not so great😉

now am going to email to myself. I want to print off to have it and share with therapist and husbsnd

thank you!


 

1994 began Paxil 20. Jan2018-began taper @ 2.5 mg every 6 wks. 10mg Paxil on May 12/2018

May 2019 - 9.75 mg Paxil; July 12/19 9.5 mg

July 20/19 -9.75 mg

Aug  12/19 10 mg Paxil 10 mg Prozac, “Prozac bridge” ;zoplicone,Vit D 1000iu

CBD every day, magnesium bis-glycinate 200mgx3,Omega 3 600mg x3, gaba 600mgx2

Meditation, tapping ,DARE resources, exercise in pool

Aug 21 dropped Prozac; increase Paxil to 15mg

 

 

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brassmonkey

Copy and paste it into a text document. Then it should print fine.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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yogiem

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve really been struggling with this lately, I just haven’t been able to break it down as clearly as you did. I tried explaining to my therapist that I just get caught up in negative thoughts, but that doesn’t seem to do it justice. There’s a darkness and ugliness to them that makes it seem like I’ve entered into another realm almost. 

 

Thank you for the helpful tips. I’m already aware of some of my triggers. Now it’s just practice, practice, practice. Which can honestly be a trigger at times because... ‘Oh my gosh I’m never going to be able to do this, it’s never going to end, I can’t deal with this forever I’m just going to have to kill myself.’ I’m laughing at myself as I write that because it sounds so ridiculous, but it doesn’t seem funny or ridiculous when I’m in it. It’s good to be able to laugh at myself. Thanks again!


Celexa 1998-2004 

Celexa 2008-2017

Effexor XR 300 mg 2007- Dec. 2017 (tapered down over 2-3 months)

7/27/18 began 10 beads of Effexor every morning 

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brassmonkey

Practice being a trigger is a tricky one, but I know exactly what you mean.  The key is to get to the point where you're doing it but not walking your mind through the process, which is where the practice comes in.  If things don't work as well as you'd like, just do it all again.  One of the big problems I had was with endlessly rehashing the past, fighting the same old fights and such.  I eventually set up a key phrase of "I've already worked through this and don't need to do it again", which I would use as part of my changing channels. After a few times it started to work really well.

 

I glad the essay helped pull things together for you


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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gardenlady

brass, I have the doom and dread constantly.  There isn't a trigger...it's just always there.  There doesn't seem to be a rehashing of specific past events, just an overall negativity about how I've destroyed my own life and now feel helpless to do anything about it due to the lobotomy effect of psych drugs.  How do your steps apply when there aren't specific triggers or rehashing of specific past events?  


 

2016-Aug-Prescribed 2 mg Ativan & 10 mg Ambien; Oct-c/o from 20 mg Lexapro to 60 mg Cymbalta; Nov-Dec-Tapered off 10 mg Ambien    

2017-Jan-Feb c/o from 1.75 mg Ativan to 13 mg Valium & begin daily liquid micro taper; May-taper Cymbalta 60 mg to 48 mg with severe withdrawals.  Begin 11 month Cymbalta hold.

2018-Jan 11 completed Valium taper; Apr-Resume Cymbalta taper.  Interval dose progress: Apr 43 mg; May 40 mg; Jul 35 mg; Sep 29 mg; Dec 21 mg; 

2019- Apr 14 mg; Jun 11 mg; Aug 9 mg; Oct 7 mg; Nov 6 mg

2020-Jan 5.2 mg; Feb 4.8 mg; Mar 4.3 mg; Apr 3.9 mg; May 3.5 mg; Jun 3.3 mg; Jul 2.9 mg; Aug 2.7 mg; 28 Sep 2.4 mg/12 beads

 

 

 

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brassmonkey

Hi gardenlady--  That is sounding a lot more like neuroemotions then Emotional Spiral, and that's a whole 'nuther ball game. The technique of AAF (Acknowledge, Accept, Float) is going to be more appropriate for dealing with it.  Best bet is to do a site search on AAF as there are several good explanations  of it floating around the site.

 

In your PM you mentioned feeling worse with each microtaper, that is a sure sign that a good long hold is in order.

 

Brassmonkey


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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mariella

Read about AAF, brassmonkey. That's how I overcame panic attacks. I think I need to practice it again for my feelings of dread and anxiety. So glad I read this post. 

Can I ask what is microtaper?? 

 

Hope you have some success with AAF gardenfly. Believe me works, i have to be honest it's hard but so worth it. 

 


1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax

1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac

June 2000 Cipramil  October 2000 Prozac again

2001 Sinequan with Risperdal

2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane

2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane

August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox.

 

March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro

December 20th 20mg Cipramil

 

2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg

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brassmonkey

I'm so glad the AAF is working for you mariella, it takes practice but really works.

 

A normal taper is reductions of 5% or 10% every four weeks. A micro taper is usually in the 1% to 2% range and often a lot smaller.  There is a lot of information on them in the tapering forum.


20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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mariella

Thank you brassmonkey 🌷


1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax

1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac

June 2000 Cipramil  October 2000 Prozac again

2001 Sinequan with Risperdal

2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane

2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane

August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox.

 

March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro

December 20th 20mg Cipramil

 

2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg

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mariella
On 7/31/2018 at 12:01 PM, yogiem said:

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve really been struggling with this lately, I just haven’t been able to break it down as clearly as you did. I tried explaining to my therapist that I just get caught up in negative thoughts, but that doesn’t seem to do it justice. There’s a darkness and ugliness to them that makes it seem like I’ve entered into another realm almost. 

 

Thank you for the helpful tips. I’m already aware of some of my triggers. Now it’s just practice, practice, practice. Which can honestly be a trigger at times because... ‘Oh my gosh I’m never going to be able to do this, it’s never going to end, I can’t deal with this forever I’m just going to have to kill myself.’ I’m laughing at myself as I write that because it sounds so ridiculous, but it doesn’t seem funny or ridiculous when I’m in it. It’s good to be able to laugh at myself. Thanks again!

Oh my goodness, this is so me!!! 


1996 Aurorix, Zoloft, Serzone, Lithium and Aropax

1997 Luvox. 1998 Prozac. 2000 Zyprexa with Prozac

June 2000 Cipramil  October 2000 Prozac again

2001 Sinequan with Risperdal

2002 Cipramil. 2009 Stillnox. 2010 Imovane

2016 February 24th 50mg Luvox and 25mg Largactil. Stopped Largactil 2 days later, back on Imovane

August 2016 125mg Luvox. November 100mg Luvox, December 75mg Luvox.

 

March 2017 50mg Luvox, August 25mg Luvox. September 10mg Lexapro, then 20mg ,October back down to 10mg Lexapro

December 20th 20mg Cipramil

 

2018 January 9th 15mg Cipramil, January 12th 10mg Cipramil. January 20th 5mg Cipramil, February 4th 2.5mg. June 25th 2.4mg, September 17th 2.3mg

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yviroundtheworld

I am new here and I stopped medication from one day to another. The first 2 months were quite good but since like 3 weeks I am really not well. Spiralling like crazy! Only I did not know any of this!! Thank you so much Brassmonkey, this was so useful and so insightful!! I will lean on this and will try to apply. Many thanks! 


Diagnosed with depressions caused by serotonin imbalance about 14 years ago and been on antidepressants ever since

Sertralin Mepha (Zoloft) 50mg eco - i per day for 14 years

Gone off medication about 3 months ago, without tapering from one day to another.

I do a lot of sport and try to eat very healthily, lots of fresh fruit and vegetables

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kirby

This post is awesome! Thanks! I just realized I was in an emotional cycle - I started to think and I realized what is my trigger: the past, loud noises, my exams coming up, cars passing by. Also, writing too much causes me to experience regret, because I can't get all the words out and I feel like .. you know. To resolve this 1 I am going to be mindful of when I get stressed (and therefore think about my past the good and bad parts), 2 stop editing my writing 3 stop thinking about my thinking. googablyblahfsudhf I am not thinking about anything now...


My medications were short-timed and low-dosed, but still affected my life a lot; all this is in 2017.

June 21 - June 28 (inpatient) - 300 mg lithium

June 6 -  July 14 (inpatient then outpatient) - 10 mg zyprexa

July 14 - July 17 (outpatient try taper) - 7.5 mg zyprexa

July 18 - July 21 (outpatient doctor changed) - 10 mg zyprexa

July 21 - July 24 (outpatient doctor said got worse) -  15 mg zyprexa

July 25 - now (quit ct with family supervision) - nothing

 

I quit ct and was successful, but there were tons of symptoms and without my family support probably impossible. My situation was fortunate, and maybe if I tapered there would be less symptoms. But I feel what worked was a will to keep going, patience, and attitude to want to get better in any situation ct or tapering.

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Rachellynn
On 12/8/2016 at 11:36 PM, JanCarol said:

Insomnia spirals - the more you ruminate on sleep, the deeper the insomnia hooks go.

Huge. Huge. Huge. Started with one night and then another night and now all of a sudden it’s just here, trying to stay. Nothing quite like this one 😕


 

Rachel - 1998-2012 Prozac 20mg

2012-2014 Prozac 40mg

Sept 17 Remeron 15mg, March ‘18 7.5mg

Jan 31 - Feb 13 1/4 - 1mg Ativan

Jan 31 - feb 5 - 2mg Prozac, 4mg feb 7

feb 10 - 10mg rem, Feb 27 - 7.5mg rem

Feb 27 - March 6th - 5mg Baclofen 

March 12th - Keppra 250mg

March 24 - 30mg phenobarbital 

 

 

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eboyd

Very helpful post.  This happens to me all the time.  My fuse is super short most days and I dwell.  It will be nice to try and implement some of these techniques to avoid working myself up, because that is what happens everytime.

 

On 1/9/2018 at 2:23 PM, minu said:

I hope this is ok to post. I’m kind of a newbie here. But I found a guided meditation video that has really helped me during my rumination/spiral episodes. It also has helped me fall asleep several times. It seems to work pretty quickly too. 

 

 

Michael Sealey has been a god send through this whole process.  Excellent hypnosis tracks which are great to help you sleep.  It forces your brain to pay attention to something other than the racing thoughts.

Edited by ChessieCat
removed video from quote - click on link to view original post and video

2002-2008 On and off Effexor XR 75mg 

2010 Effexor XR 75mg Trazadone 150mg

2012 Abilify 5mg and Buspar added increased Effexor XR 150mg quick taper after 6 months due to pregnancy.

2014 Reinstate Effexor XR 75mg increase to 150mg, 150mg Trazadone, Buspar, Abilify 5mg. Quick taper after about 1 year from Effexor, Abilify, and Buspar.

2018 Trazadone taper over 1 month

2018 Attempted Effexor reinstatement due to digestive distress 37.5 mg.  Failed 2xs after 4 days.  Gastro preacribed Elavil 2 weeks later.  Failed after 2 days.  3 days later full withdrawl.

 

 

 

 

 

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Orangeblossom77

This has really helped me today, as it also affects my husband. he isn't on AD's / withdrawal but he does struggle with anger, and 

work stress. We have discussed it in the past and he does something in a similar vein called "Stop, breathe, leave'...to try and control

angry outbursts. So this is also useful to me too. and of course if you are in a couple there is the additional problem of both triggering

the other one. Not easy. 


Fluoxetine 20mg a day, (mornings) Amitryptilline 10-50mg (evenings) for last two years (usually lowest dose of the latter) Previously on and off Fluoxetine since 1999. Off completely for pregnancies in 200s with no problems but recently more difficult to withdraw.End 2018 Tapered to 10mg Fluoxetine (am) and 10mg Amitryptilline (evening)Co-codomol 30/500 prescribed (one to two tabs 6 hrly as required for pain)

 

Start Jan 2019 5mg Fluoxetine mornings. Stopped amitryptilline.

6th Feb 2019 Stopped Fluoxetine, 2 X 425mg St Johns Wort daily. 

9th Feb 2019 Reinstated 5mg Prozac, stopped SJW due to headaches and upset tummy.

10th Feb 2019 Started using liquid diluted Prozac and syringe, dividing doses (2 X 2.5ml) = 5mg daily

12th Feb 2019 Stopped prozac after even small doses seem to be causing a bad reaction.

17th Feb 2019 Started taking single dose 425mg SJW mornings 

 

Also taking supplements: Multivitamin, Longvida Curcumin 500mg a day, Magnesium Citrate 500mg/day, Magnesium L-threonate 50mg/day, Omega 3 (with Vit E) 1000mg/day, Vitamin D3 20000IU

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getofflex

This is very good - thank you.  I have found great help in a little book called "Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns.  It is cognitive therapy.  It teaches you to retrain how you interpret and think about all the things that happen that can trigger you.  I've used the exercises in there, and it really helps.  


Lexapro   April02 - Aug17: 10 mg,  ***  Aug17 - Sept17: 5 mg ***  Sept17 - Nov17:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov17: 0 mg, ***   Dec17 - Aug18: 5 mg  ***    Aug/1/18 - Aug/30/18: 2.5 mg     *** Sep/1/18 - Sep/27/18:  1.25 mg. ***   Sep/28/18 - Oct/31/18:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov/1/18 - Nov/15/18: 1.25 mg  ***   Nov/16/18 - Nov/30/18: 2.5 mg  ***   Dec/1/18 - Dec/27/18: 2.0 mg (switched to liquid)  ***    Dec/27/18 - Jan/31/19: 1.5 mg ***    Feb/1/19 - Feb/20/19: 1.0 mg  ***  Feb/21/19 - Mar/7/19: 0.5 mg  ***  Mar/8/19 - May/03/19: 0.8 mg ***   May/04/19 - May/13/19 0.7 mg ***  May/14/19 - May/24/19 0.6 mg *** May/25/19 - June/05/19. 0.5 mg *** June/06/19 - July/19/19 0.4 mg. ***  July/20/19 - Sep 14 2019 0.3 mg.  ***  Sep 15 2019 - Oct 21 2019 0.27 mg. *** Oct 22 2019 - Jan 18 2020 - 0.23 mg. *** Jan 19 2020 - April 1 2020 0.2 mg  ***  April 2 2020 - July 15 2020 0.18 mg *** July 16 2020 - August 22 0.17 mg, August 23 -- present 0.16 mg

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19 

When I cannot go to sleep, I take Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mag. in AM 1/2 hour before breakfast with 24 ounces water

supplements AM: omega 3 fish oil, flax seed oil, natural multivitamin, vitamin C, vitamin E

supplements PM: Natural Calm magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, 5-HTP 50 mg. Estroven Sleep Cool and Calm (contains black cohosh 40 mg, soy isoflavones 56 mg) melatonin 6 mg

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Thank you so much brassmonkey. This really helps.

This is exactly what I have been trying to get a handle on lately! 

When the spiral begins, it literally hits me so hard and sudden it takes my breath away!

I have been trying to tell myself to stop but it is like telling a tidal wave to stop! 

It makes me feel so out of control and defeated😔

I have been getting so angry at this “thing” that hits me.

The knowledge I have after reading your post gives me confidence I can stop this.

I have been crying all day over doing it this morning— right after my 1 hour Bible study and “truth notebook” review.....😳

I even told my husband I hate him!!!(he irritated me by singing happy songs and hymns in the shower when I am feeling miserable and in a severe down wave....) Never in my life have I said this to him!😥

 


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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On 7/30/2018 at 9:01 PM, yogiem said:

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve really been struggling with this lately, I just haven’t been able to break it down as clearly as you did. I tried explaining to my therapist that I just get caught up in negative thoughts, but that doesn’t seem to do it justice. There’s a darkness and ugliness to them that makes it seem like I’ve entered into another realm almost. 

 

Thank you for the helpful tips. I’m already aware of some of my triggers. Now it’s just practice, practice, practice. Which can honestly be a trigger at times because... ‘Oh my gosh I’m never going to be able to do this, it’s never going to end, I can’t deal with this forever I’m just going to have to kill myself.’ I’m laughing at myself as I write that because it sounds so ridiculous, but it doesn’t seem funny or ridiculous when I’m in it. It’s good to be able to laugh at myself. Thanks again!

My therapist has taught me a couple of things, too, that probably work in normal situations. And they do work sometimes.

But some spiral events seem to be powered by alot of neuro emotions that make it hugely worse and harder to handle!

It is like irrational triggering thoughts on steroids!


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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On 3/11/2019 at 3:52 PM, getofflex said:

This is very good - thank you.  I have found great help in a little book called "Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns.  It is cognitive therapy.  It teaches you to retrain how you interpret and think about all the things that happen that can trigger you.  I've used the exercises in there, and it really helps.  

Thanks getofflex, just ordered it on prime!


This is the best of my recollection.

20 mg Prozac 3-4 days per week until May 2018.

Beginning May 15 I began to drop doses. 

I dropped 1 dose per week for the next 4 weeks.

It was not systematic at all. I don't have which days I took what.

so the week of May 13 I took 4 doses, which was pretty normal for me.

Then the week of May 20 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The week of May 27 I took 3 doses 20 mg.

The 1st week in June l took 2 doses 20 mg.

The week of June 10, 2018 was my last dose 20 mg.

I had been on Prozac only. No other medications.

 

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bunchesofoats

Thank you so much @brassmonkey for the super helpful write-up as well as everyone else contributing to this thread. I printed out the essay so I can have it easily on hand as well as show it to my therapist. I wanted to contribute a worksheet that I frankensteined from CBT handouts my therapist has given me that has really helped me:

1. have a productive action to take when spiraling and

2. have a record that allows me to see patterns.

 

I print them out and have them within easy reach so I feel like I can take a step towards gaining control of the situation when it arises. I've been doing this for a couple of years now I think. I took a break when I felt sort of over it for a while but went back to it because it's still helpful and I still need it. Seeing the patterns in my triggering situations as well all the other questions has been eye-opening and reassuring while giving me a great sense of being in control of myself.

 

It's geared towards thought-triggered spirals.

Thought log.pdf


2005-2009 18mg concerta on and off

2009-2013 ritalin and wellbutrin on and off; 2010 nortryptyline & amitriptyline for back pain following car accident

2014 April - lamictal for 2 weeks until breaking out in hives and going to ER, dr bullied me into taking it

~ st. john's wort, rhodiola, lots of other supplements tried

2016 Nov - began citalopram (4 months)

2017 March  - reached dose of 30mg citalopram (11 months)

2018 Feb - began taper, ~2.5mg/month, cutting tablets (3 months)

2018 May - 20mg, tried ~17.5mg but symptoms too strong (11 months)

2018 Nov - brief stint trying wellbutrin again, stopped within a couple months

2019 April - began ~5%/month taper from 20mg using dissolve in water and measure with syringe method

2020 January - stopped lorazepam; 0.5mg lorazepam average 3x/month since began citalopram; at most 3x/week

2020 August - 10.45mg, 4%/month taper with .45% reductions every 5 days (approx)

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getofflex

brass monkey this is wonderful stuff.  I copied and pasted and created my own document to print, and I"m going to read it, and put it into practice.  This is an issue for me, definitely. 


Lexapro   April02 - Aug17: 10 mg,  ***  Aug17 - Sept17: 5 mg ***  Sept17 - Nov17:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov17: 0 mg, ***   Dec17 - Aug18: 5 mg  ***    Aug/1/18 - Aug/30/18: 2.5 mg     *** Sep/1/18 - Sep/27/18:  1.25 mg. ***   Sep/28/18 - Oct/31/18:  2.5 mg,  ***  Nov/1/18 - Nov/15/18: 1.25 mg  ***   Nov/16/18 - Nov/30/18: 2.5 mg  ***   Dec/1/18 - Dec/27/18: 2.0 mg (switched to liquid)  ***    Dec/27/18 - Jan/31/19: 1.5 mg ***    Feb/1/19 - Feb/20/19: 1.0 mg  ***  Feb/21/19 - Mar/7/19: 0.5 mg  ***  Mar/8/19 - May/03/19: 0.8 mg ***   May/04/19 - May/13/19 0.7 mg ***  May/14/19 - May/24/19 0.6 mg *** May/25/19 - June/05/19. 0.5 mg *** June/06/19 - July/19/19 0.4 mg. ***  July/20/19 - Sep 14 2019 0.3 mg.  ***  Sep 15 2019 - Oct 21 2019 0.27 mg. *** Oct 22 2019 - Jan 18 2020 - 0.23 mg. *** Jan 19 2020 - April 1 2020 0.2 mg  ***  April 2 2020 - July 15 2020 0.18 mg *** July 16 2020 - August 22 0.17 mg, August 23 -- present 0.16 mg

Trazodone.  used 50 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19

Xanax. used 0.5 mg once every 4-7 days for sleep, have discontinued altogether as of 12/23/19 

When I cannot go to sleep, I take Benadryl 50 mg, Ibuprofen 800 mg, or Tylenol 1000 mg

other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mag. in AM 1/2 hour before breakfast with 24 ounces water

supplements AM: omega 3 fish oil, flax seed oil, natural multivitamin, vitamin C, vitamin E

supplements PM: Natural Calm magnesium 350 mg, GABA 750 mg, 5-HTP 50 mg. Estroven Sleep Cool and Calm (contains black cohosh 40 mg, soy isoflavones 56 mg) melatonin 6 mg

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Onmyway
On 8/14/2018 at 8:38 AM, gardenlady said:

brass, I have the doom and dread constantly.  There isn't a trigger...it's just always there.  There doesn't seem to be a rehashing of specific past events, just an overall negativity about how I've destroyed my own life and now feel helpless to do anything about it due to the lobotomy effect of psych drugs.  How do your steps apply when there aren't specific triggers or rehashing of specific past events?  

Hi @gardenlady. I have this as well. Often. And I think in this case the trigger are the automatic thoughts themselves. But they can also be neuroemotions as BrassMonkey has said. I think both are at play in my case specifically. Try to work with the thought log below (new post) by bunchesofoats.  It is excellent. See if it helps. Sometimes it helps to just think about these feelings (rather than just feel) as then you engage your prefrontal cortex and that gets you out of the amygdala loop. Acceptance here is also key - it is what it is, the past can't be changed but you can learn to live the best way you can with the situation you find yourself in. I know it is easier said than done when your receptors are screaming for more serotonin. 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
removed @ tags

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg ,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months (don't remember dates), trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up), occasionally did this in difficult times 

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax/day, then 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week, April  14 , 2019 - citalopram 1.8 mg (liquid), May 8, 2019 - citalopram 1.6 mg (liquid),  July 27, 2019 - citalopram 1.5 mg (liquid),  August 15, 2019 - citalopram 1.35 (liquid)

 

 supplements:  melatonin 1 mg  

 

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Onmyway
On 8/18/2019 at 10:40 PM, bunchesofoats said:

Thank you so much @brassmonkey for the super helpful write-up as well as everyone else contributing to this thread. I printed out the essay so I can have it easily on hand as well as show it to my therapist. I wanted to contribute a worksheet that I frankensteined from CBT handouts my therapist has given me that has really helped me:

1. have a productive action to take when spiraling and

2. have a record that allows me to see patterns.

 

I print them out and have them within easy reach so I feel like I can take a step towards gaining control of the situation when it arises. I've been doing this for a couple of years now I think. I took a break when I felt sort of over it for a while but went back to it because it's still helpful and I still need it. Seeing the patterns in my triggering situations as well all the other questions has been eye-opening and reassuring while giving me a great sense of being in control of myself.

 

It's geared towards thought-triggered spirals.

Thought log.pdf 45.68 kB · 4 downloads

 

@bunchesofoats Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this. I have not been able to find as comprehensive  thought log work sheets anywhere. I try thought log apps but I like your sheets better because they have the core beliefs/ importance/ friend reference - all the techniques!  I will share them with my CBT therapist as well so she can pass them on if it's OK with you. 


Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg ,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months (don't remember dates), trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up), occasionally did this in difficult times 

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax/day, then 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week, April  14 , 2019 - citalopram 1.8 mg (liquid), May 8, 2019 - citalopram 1.6 mg (liquid),  July 27, 2019 - citalopram 1.5 mg (liquid),  August 15, 2019 - citalopram 1.35 (liquid)

 

 supplements:  melatonin 1 mg  

 

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