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LCAirPasta: Just need some encouragement/positivity


LCAirPasta

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Hey guys, I've actually read this website a lot in the past year but never actually joined. I decided today would be a good as day as any. I have a question that I think everyone here has probably asked before- am I gonna be ok?

 

Here's my situation (stick with me, it's a long story).

 

I'm turning 23 next month, and throughout high school I never dealt with much anxiety aside from two or three panic attacks brought on by smoking weed. I didn't know what they were at the time so I chalked it up to bad drugs or whatever.

 

Anyway, after I graduated in 2012 I started experimenting with different drugs in college and I ended up having what I think was a really bad acid trip, or even perhaps serotonin syndrome, in April of 2013. I took a few tabs and immediately had a horrible reaction that ended with me blacking out on the floor and waking up with a few minor scrapes and bruises. i was pretty much fine for about 2 or 3 months after that, but in August I started having weird visuals and light headedness. I also had some panic attacks, which had never happened sober before.

 

Thinking the bad trip had messed me up, I went to the doctor with my symptoms and was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Looking back on it I'm sure the bad trip didn't help but since I was ok for a few months after and my anxiety symptoms didn't really surface until August, i don't think the bad trip necessarily caused my anxiety. It probably would have happened either way.

 

Anyway, I was prescribed citalopram and it worked amazing for 2.5 years. I had minimal anxiety and panic attacks. However, I gained about 60 pounds and had some sexual side effects (without getting too graphic). Thinking the medicine was causing the weight gain, I went to a new doctor and was prescribed pristiq.

 

Pristiq also worked, though I noticed I couldn't drink on it or I would have a panic attack. The downside was that it wasn't covered by insurance and was VERY expensive. Still, I felt pretty good and because I was so ignorant about the drugs I decided to try and stop cold turkey back in May of this year. I lasted about a weekend with the horrible withdrawal symptoms before I went back to my doctor to explain what happened. She told me that it was normal to experience a withdrawal when stopping cold turkey and prescribed Effexor as something similar to pristiq that would be covered by insurance. It didn't help at all and I still felt like I was going through withdrawals.

 

After about 2 weeks i asked to try and go back to the citalopram and she recommended lexapro as an improved version of citalopram, so i tried that for about 6 weeks. It actually made me feel worse. I went back, desperate to find something to help me, and was prescribed brintellix(trintellix) which after two weeks did nothing.

 

Finally I had enough and asked my doctor about stopping all antidepressants. She told me to cut them in half for a week and then take a half every other day for a week. At this point I had become a veteran of online message boards and I knew that taper was very aggressive so I did two weeks of half a pill and two weeks of half a pill every other day. I took my last pill on August 30th, exactly 90 days ago.

 

I've gone through every symptom imaginable. Brain zaps, panic attacks, weird muscle twitches including eyelids and finger jerks, extreme derealization/depersonalization, horrible chest pains that sent me to the ER convinced I was having a heart attack, jaw pain, weird visuals, and bouts of crying at the slightest provocation.

 

Since I'm about 90 days in, I figured I'd see some improvement by now. While the brain zaps have thankfully stopped, all my other symptoms are still coming and going. Some days I'll have no chest pain but I'll have twitches and depersonalization. Or some days I won't really have much twitching but I'll have visuals and jaw pain.

 

I guess my question is this- can I expect these symptoms to eventually go away, or do I have to learn to live with them as this is the best I'll get? Is this my normal anxiety disorder or still withdrawal symptoms? Am I stuck like this? Please only positive comments, I'm a super negative person by nature and I'm trying to remain positive. Thanks in advance for any replies.


Edit- I should add that I don't do any drugs anymore, I stopped everything other than drinking as soon as I started my antidepressant in 2013. I haven't drank this summer either, I've tried but it just makes my withdrawal symptoms worse so I've stayed away. I've also been working out every other day (lifting weights and doing core workouts) to try and feel a little better. My diet has been better and I've lost about 30 pounds since May, and I've just started a new career that I'm excited about. I SHOULD be doing much better but these withdrawals/anxiety have just been killing me all year. Just some context for my question. Thanks again

Edited by scallywag
added paragraph breaks and tags

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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Oh, Dear LC... first off welcome.  I am sorry you have been through this... most doctors do NOT know what they are doing otherwise most of us would not be be here dealing with so many withdrawal hell madness .  YES, I believe you will heal.  You will find positive encouraging words and hear you WILL heal.  It may not feel like it, but you will hear from Experts (Moderators) that will reassure you.  

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
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Thank you! I just don't know how long to expect to feel this way. I'm trying to be patient but it's crazy to me that it's been 3 months and I'm still dealing with it. But thanks again for the positive words!

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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the focus HAS to be on today present NOT tomorrow future.  It will not help you.   I know because I too have done that as have most of us in living frustrating and fear  From what you have said. you are doing a LOT of good things to help you..  Do not be discouraged. ACCEPTANCE is what I am trying to focus on.  Billy the Kid also new. said PERSEVERANCE.  

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
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Hi, I'm new here too. You've been through so much. Be gentle with yourself and trust that you'll feel better soon. (((hugs))

QUIT chlonazepam (Klonopin) 8/26/17. My dosage was less than 0.5; hard to measure exactly because I had been reducing by weight. My overall diagnosis is fibromyalgia. I'm 63 yrs old. Feeling great to be free of it!

MICRO TAPERED KLONOPIN BY WEIGHT: 5/26: .241 -- ?/?: .235 -- 7/10: .223 -- 7/24: .221 -- 7/29: .217 -- 8/1: 212 -- 8/6: .208

Switched: 8/13, reduced to 1/2 pill (a .5 pill), maintaining morning dose of weight .069. Kept micro tapering until 8/26/17.

CURURENTLY TAPERING BUSPAR: BUSPAR started in May 2017, currently: 2and1/3 15mg pill = 15+15+5= 35 mgs. Very helpful med. 11/9/17: 25 mgs. (1 and 1/3 15 mg pill)

PREVIOUS: In August 2016, after some stressful life changes, my Klonopin use went up to about 4.0. New dr jerked me down from 4.0 to 1 mg. I'm still suffering from that sudden extreme withdrawal. Plus I was put on and taken off of many other meds those first couple of months: Tizanadine, Remeron, Lexapro, Wellbutrin. A very difficult time in my life.  CURRENT: Cymbalta 60mg, maintaining. I use medical marijuana for pain as needed, usually at night. Don't take it during the day because it just makes me too dopey. I take probiotics.

 

 

 

 

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what is your new career?  that speaks a lot about your strength to be able to work and deal with withdrawal

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
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Thanks guys. I just started selling insurance. I got my license in may just before the beginning of my withdrawals, and I worked for a company for a while during the worst parts of the withdrawal. I've been licensed for about 6 months and I just started at a new company two weeks ago. It's tough but if I don't get out of the house and work I end up stuck in the house and that's not good for me. I try to keep stimulated.

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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WOW, 

 

YOU are a very strong young man to do that.  You really do have a lot of strength you will get to the other side and heal.  Rest in that.

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
Link to comment

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
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Thank you. Does anyone have a timeline for when this should mostly pass? I can deal with a little anxiety and panic attacks but I want to know if/when I'll really pull through

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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unfortunately everyone is different ... no crystal ball

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
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  • Moderator Emeritus

LCAirPasta -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)
 
You've had QUITE the adventure on and off SSRI and other antidepressants this year. I'm sorry that your doctor didn't know enough to advise how to taper off these medications safely and that you are now experiencing the negative consequences of her ignorance.
 
I wish I had an answer for you about the duration of your withdrawal. Unfortunately, no one can predict how long it will take for your symptoms to abate fully. As you've discovered it can take longer than the brief period of 4-6 weeks after discontinuation that the pharma manufacturers want us to believe. After what we would consider a rapid taper, you may be looking at many months for symptoms to resolve, though you will notice improvements along the way.
 
It's a good sign that the brain zaps have weakened, decreased frequency and disappeared.  This shows that you are recovering, perhaps not at the pace that you'd prefer, but it is a step in the desired direction. :)
 

For more about withdrawal symptoms:

What is withdrawal syndrome
Important topics about symptoms including sleep problems
 
I mentioned that we consider a 4 weeks a rapid taper. We, and other psych med peer support groups, suggest reducing dose by no more than 10% per month. For more about that, please read the discussion topic at this link: Why taper by 10% of my dosage?
 
We have discussion topics for the symptoms you've listed in which people share how they are coping with it.

Although I can't find discussion topics for them, some other members experience the other symptoms you mentioned, "weird visuals, and weird muscle twitches including eyelids and finger jerks."
 
I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Thanks so much to everyone replying. It comforts me to see support from other people who went through this. I gusss my last question is- I WILL get better right? Eventually? I can be patient if I know there's light at the end of the tunnel for me.

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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YES and YES.  You will get better.  You can and will be.  It will not be linear like a cut.  You will have windows and waves and the percentages will keep increasing for windows.  Keep going ... you are doing a great job.  Relax about the future... easier said than done, I KNOW>

 

No matter what you're going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you'll find the positive side of things. 
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/tunnel.html

 

 

http://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-or-a-train/

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD = NOW only on TRILEPTAL 450mg began w/900mg 7/16 -- off LITHIUM 600mg (sometimes 300mg 5/15 -11/16 took 2 months to taper) .... XANAX 2 mg for 2 weeks but addicted in 6/16 tapered 7/16-9/16 JUMPED 9/30 (believe have kindling from previous benzos)
6 meds nightly for INSOMNIA includes XANAX .. BELSOMRA 20mg c/t 8/20/16 off & on for a yr ZANAFLEX 8 mg /SILENOR 6mg/PROZASIN 15 mg/DOXEPIN 50 mg on all nightly 2 months 6/16 - 7/16 except for silenor (year) wd ALL 8/16-9/16 w/pdoc help
c/t KLONOPIN .5mg which began INSOMNIA end of 3/15 after on for 4 months also horrible sound& light sensitivity sometimes took 2 or 3 reinstated & then c/t@hospital 5/15 on TEMPAZEPAM/SEROQUEL/LITHIUM when left hospital tolerance to temazepam after 1 month given ATIVAN in hospital& later
SEROQUEL started @ 200 mg and overnight to 800 mg had horrible akathasisia & rash DEPAKOTE 1000 mg off after few wks ALL I COULD ENDURE
then AMBIEN side effects & tolerance on for few months 5/15 - 8/15 and then again 2 mos 5/16 LATUDA 3/16 on days BAD/GEODON 4/16 on less 2 weeks BAD AKATHASIA/ZYPREXA bad mouth shaking almost 24/7 off & on few months in 2015 & again in 2016
trazodon/remeron/gabapentin/sonata/lunesta did nothing to help INSOMNIA so got off after few days - also short time SAPHRIS BAD 
MEDICATION SENSITIVE & have paradoxical side effects -- CANNOT TAKE BENZOS, ATYPICAL-ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
PAST prior to 2 yrs on Prozac even1/4 pill caused BAD ANXIETY, CELEXA OK, Abilify, Pristiq, Lamictal, Paxil BAD - more but can't remember
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Thanks. Today was better! Just some derealization and weird jaw pain/muscle twitches. I just try to REALLY savor the good moments and not think about the bad ones

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Please don't be surprised if your symptoms intensify or if new symptoms arise; CNS (central nervous system) recovery isn't linear.

The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

 

The information at these two link have helpful descriptions and analogies about healing during withdrawal:

How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling"

Youtube video, 4 minutes, "Healing from antidepressants"

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Yup my "windows and waves" almost seem to be by the day. Yesterday I felt the best I've felt since before I quit. And today I'm back to where I was earlier this week, suffering but not too horrible. I'm pretty young (22, 23 in 4 days!) and although a sinus infection kept me out of commission for about a week I try to lift or play basketball 4 times a week. Hopefully I can recover relatively quickly, some of the horror stories on here are really distressing. I don't know how I would handle 5 years of this, and I hope mine doesn't go on indefinitely like some people's seem to. I think that's everyone's fear in this, that you'll never get better. But I've personally made progress that I'm happy about, and I read a lot of the success stories that were super encouraging. Thanks to everyone to relied to this introduction, I'll be checking the website sporadically as I continue to recover and hopefully update monthly or so.

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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Ok so I'm a little over 3 months out on a very fast taper. My symptoms we very very bad at first and I think slowly improved. Early last week, I think I hit a window where my symptoms got better to the point of me feeling almost normal again (just some confusion/racing thoughts). Then this weekend was the worst I've had since the first month of WD. This week it seems like my windows and waves are happening almost hourly. I'll feel a window for a few hours and then be in a wave for 5-6 hours. My question- do windows and waves become more frequent the closer I get to a (relatively) "full" recovery? I'm mostly afraid of a really bad, long wave hitting me out of nowhere, but if anyone who's made it through experiences something similar I'd like to hear from them. Thanks!

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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  • Moderator Emeritus

LCAirPasta I've moved your post/question from the Windows & Waves topic to your introduction so that all your information, questions and answers are in one place.

 

The pattern of windows and waves can change during the period of recovery.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Thank you!

2.5 years of citalopram, about 6 months of trying various antidepressants, taper for 4 weeks, off everything since September 2016

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thanks so much to everyone replying. It comforts me to see support from other people who went through this. I gusss my last question is- I WILL get better right? Eventually? I can be patient if I know there's light at the end of the tunnel for me.

 

Yes. you WILL (definitely) get better.  Eventually. The light at the end of tunnel is not the light of an oncoming train.

 

The Waves will be bad. But eventually they get turned into windows.

Mine own withdrawal has gone of for much longer than I'd hoped, but then I was also on them a lot longer than you. And you've got the benefit of being a couple of years younger than I. That which I've found to help: Eating healthy, EXERCISING, fresh air, and sunlight (a full spectrum light will also do good).  

As it is now, I've noticed that my waves seem to be getting shorter and less intense.

 

It's worth it to endure.  Good luck with the Insurance company.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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