☼ Rbvdk: PGAD/PSSD or OCD?

[Rbvdk]

(Sorry I can't update my signature on my phone) I was on 20mg of citalapram for just less than a year, I tappered 5mg off every month and then at the end I tappered to 2.5mg for a week. I barely got any withdrawals at all (only very mild head zaps that lasted up to 3 weeks once I got to 5mg) Anyway, once I got to 0, I started getting the feeling like pee is stuck in my urethra. I'm very anxious and my body (especially my legs) won't stop tensing which is causing burning sensations too and everything hurts. I went to see a nurse and she said I have a UTI and gave me 3 days of antibiotics (I only took 2 first evening so technically 4 days). On the 2nd day I got a very achy, sensitive raw feeling in my clit (Sorry TMI) could this be caused by the tensing or UTI or is this nerve damage?? It was much better yesterday and pretty okish today (4th/last day), only problem now is today, I still (very rarely now) feel like there's pee stuck in my urethra. 

 

I'm scared this is nerve damage. It's been 3 weeks since going to 0 by the way.

I'm hoping it's just UTI or the tension but I'm terrified of nerve damage because I'm scared of getting PGAD.

Please can someone suggest if I should go back on citalapram or not?? I'm panicking every day

[Altostrata]

On 6/8/2018 at 12:11 AM, Rbvdk said:

That's no problem thank you!  thanks for your reply too, I guess I'll just try to drink lots more, take some cranberry pills and try to relax. I'll go the Dr if it gets worse. I just hope it is just a UTI or maybe anxiety tension, I do only notice it when I focus on it. My anxiety is bad and i assume the worst (nerve damage etc).. Thankfully no PGAD though (yet?) Which is my biggest fear but I am hoping I've done it slow enough not to get it.

 

I've had all day zaps/shocks since going down to 5mg (none before surprisingly) they faded almost completely by time the next month, then I lowered to 2.5mg for a week and then finally 0 (19th of may). Since lowering it to 2.5mg I've had the zaps ever since but it was only the first week or 2 that they were occurrng all day. Now I'm only getting them very midly and just in the morning so it's definitely fading again. (not every morning though! I'd just say about 30-40% of mornings)

 

On 6/9/2018 at 6:53 AM, Rbvdk said:

Just an update.. I

went to the doctors yesterday and she tested my urine and temperature and told me I had a UTI. Only problem is I've been googling UTI symptoms during withdrawals and I've found posts of people who have developed central nerve damage and PGAD?! Now I'm starting to feel almost constant PGAD in my clit, I'm freaking out!! My pee hole feels weird too, like an ache which also spreads to my clit. Do I have PGAD now? I'm so scared!

 

What you're doing doesn't make sense. You have a UTI and you're not taking the antibiotic for it?

 

It would be a UTI that causes your urethra to feel weird. Why did you not educate yourself about UTIs instead of deliberately frightening yourself?

 

You will need to be more sensible about self-care. We can't do this for you.

[Rbvdk]

Hi, I thought it would go without saying that of cause I'm taking antibiotics for it.. but I'm sure I did say it? I know UTIs come with the feeling of needing to pee, I only started worrying about it when I finished the whole antibiotic course and it still hadn't gone (because I've heard of people developing IC after withdrawing). But my main worry was the pain in my clit. I've had UTIs before and my sister suffers with them alot so I am averagely educated about UTIs.. which is how I knew the pain in my clit was unrelated (the only reason I asked if it could be from the UTI is because I was desperately hoping it was, it was my only hope at the time) but even the nurse said it wasn't a UTI symptom. That's why I came here to ask if it was nerve damage caused by withdrawals because that's my biggest anxiety. I got it checked out when I went back (for new antibiotics) and I found the cause anyway which was completely unrelated. Anyway, sorry for the misunderstandings? I didn't mean to annoy anyone.

[Rbvdk]

Just an update, I still have the stuck feeling, mostly in my whole urethra. Nothing showed up in my urine and the doctor ruled out IC and pudendal (sort of) It's been getting much better these past few days but I'm also getting mild PGAD. I'm not sure if it's psychosomatic or related to this urethra problem. I'm scared because: might be a bit TMI but I felt much better today but just now I was about to have sex with my boyfriend and I felt the tension near my pubic bone and the "stuck pee" feeling came back. Also the arousal came on too fast and stronger than it normally does (also, we've only had sex once since this month of having this urethra symptom and I orgasmed quicker than normal which worried me).

 

Feel annoyed with myself because last year I got so scared over PGAD and let it take over my life even though it was just anxiety-induced symptoms in the end. Now I feel like I might actually be getting PGAD but after last year everyone just thinks it's in my head again.. lol. :/ I'm not sure how long it takes for withdrawal PGAD to come on but I'm hoping I've avoided it or at least the full force of it!

[Rbvdk]

Hi! I'm considering going back on citalopram because I think I might have tappered off too quickly. I was thinking of first reinstating 2.5mg but the only way is by cutting it but I don't think that's going to be accurate every single time, right? The doctor really wants me to go straight back on 20mg so I think any liquid form of a lower dose is out of the question (I did ask but he didn't really answer, he just said I should go to at least 10mg). Anyway, if I did start taking 2.5mg or 5mg by cutting the 10mg, would this be ok or would the lack of dose consistency just make things worse? Or is it too small to make much difference? I'm getting weird withdrawals since I got to 0 and am really hoping going back on will fix them! 

Thanks!

[Gridley]

 You can make your own liquid or use a digital scale to measure your doses, as described in the following link.  I use the Gemini-20 scale, available on Amazon.

 

Tips for tapering off Celexa (citalopram)

 

We usually suggest a much smaller reinstatement dose than your last dose.  These drugs are strong, and when updosing/reinstating it is better to start with a small amount and increase if symptoms remain unbearable.  If you take too much it may be too much for your brain and can cause you become unstable.  Sometimes it can be hard to regain stability after this happens.  5mg would be too much and possibly 2.5 as well.  I would start out with 1mg reinstatement and see how that works.  Remember, it takes about 4 days for a dose change to get to full state in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain. 

 

 

[Rbvdk]

Thank you so much I'll take a look at the link!  Sorry this is off topic but I just noticed on your signature that you take supplements! Do they help with your withdrawal symptoms at all?   I'm taking omega3 fish oil, magnesium and vitamin D3 but I was wondering if vitamin B12 and B6 were good for withdrawals? And I hope you don't mind me asking but do probiotics help with withdrawals too? If so, what type are you taking?

[Gridley]

We don't recommend a lot of supplements because our nervous systems in withdrawal are sensitized, but we do recommend two that you're taking, magnesium and omega 3.  Many members have reported these are helpful with withdrawal.

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

We generally don't recommend B-vitamins because in withdrawal they can be overstimulating.

 

Hypersensitive to B Vitamin or B-Complex  

 

I take VSL3 brand probiotic not so much for withdrawal but for digestive reasons.

 

 

 

[Rbvdk]

Thanks again for the info! I didn't know about the B vitamins so I'm glad I asked before I took them.

Take care!

[ChessieCat]

4 hours ago, Rbvdk said:

And I hope you don't mind me asking but do probiotics help with withdrawals too?

 

There are many existing topics on this site.  I use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to my search term.

[Rbvdk]

Sorry didn't see this, thanks ChessieCat, I didn't think to search lol

[Rbvdk]

Update! (It's quite cool how we have our own threads, like a diary! 😜 )

Nothing is too new but the fluid feeling in my urethra has gotten massively better since about 4 days ago, I think I only get it once a day at most. So I'm happy about that!

I get a fullness feeling in my lower bladder, mostly behind the pubic bone, and also still urethra but it feels more normal, rather than the weird strong stingy fluid trapped feeling. I can distract myself from all this quite easily though, it's barely noticeable but I can feel it more when I walk sometimes or sit. But it may even be psychosomatic!   I only started to get these particular symptoms when I freaked out believing I had IC (After the UTI test came back negative and I still had the strong trapped feeling). Maybe I'm just very hypersensitive and I'm feeling/noticing the normal bladder functioning process at the moment because of all the anxiety, focus and extreme muscle tension. I'm hoping very much that the strong feeling of urine trapped in my urethra was just related to the healing process of having a UTI (I did leave it for 2 weeks before finally getting antibiotics) maybe it was muscle or sphincter spasms. I hope that's all anyway, I hope very much it's not related to withdrawals and I hope tons that it goes away completely.

 

My anxiety still drags me down though. Even though it's getting better, I'm still worried it's withdrawal PGAD developing because: I've only managed to find maybe 4 or more people who had the same fluid/pee stuck feeling as me and they all developed PGAD. Most were on the pudendalhope forum but I think all were withdrawing from meds. I do get a few seconds of pgad feeling above the clit (along the urethra) and it does feel strongish but I'm believing it's psychosomatic for my own sake (and from my past experiences). I'm also getting a weird oversensitive discomfort there too even though it doesn't feel worse when I touch it. I had an ulcer there a couple of weeks ago and it feels alot like that really only more mild and no burning or bad pain (it's amazing how painful a small ulcer can be when it's in such a sensitive place 😱).  Other withdrawals are weird mood swings where for a few minutes I'll feel really positive, happy and hopeful and the next I'll feel suicidal and 100% believe I'm going to get PGAD, I also get very irritable and I feel bad for the people around me, they're being so kind and patient with me though!  Also since the urine thing started (or around then) I started getting diarrhoea/very lose stools every day. Mostly yellow but sometimes green. I'm waiting for a stool sample results, I'm wondering what will show up and if it has anything to do with the urine symptoms. Also the pharmacist told me to make sure my doctor takes a blood test, so hopefully I'll do that tomorrow too. The pharmacist said I shouldn't even be getting withdrawal symptoms because I tappered off "perfectly", he also said diarrhoea isn't a withdrawal symptom but it's a side-effect, so that's confusing. Anyway, I'll give more updates when I get them (possibly tomorrow)! Hopefully I won't be on here tomorrow or one day saying that I have PGAD... 😓

[Altostrata]

Rb, it's a good sign the urethral symptoms have lessened. Withdrawal symptoms have a way of changing and mutating.

 

Very few doctors or pharmacists know anything about tapering or withdrawal symptoms.

[Rbvdk]

17 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Rb, it's a good sign the urethral symptoms have lessened. Withdrawal symptoms have a way of changing and mutating.

 

Very few doctors or pharmacists know anything about tapering or withdrawal symptoms.

Thanks for commenting! It seems to have good days and bad days now, I'm writing a diary to figure out if there's any triggers besides peeing. 

Yeah it's a shame, they're supposed to be medical professions that we can rely on and yet they know nothing about antidepressants (I bet they don't even know they failed the pseudo test!). We're all lucky to have this website so we have lots of people's experiences and knowledge. I think alot of these people should become doctors one day lol.

[mammaP]

Hi RB,  about reinstating. It is possible to get a low dose of 1mg by making a liquid and using oral syringes to get the right dose every time. Gridley posted a link for you that explains how to do that. It is very important to stick with it if you do reinstate. Every time you change things the nervous system has to reset to the new dose. This can be hugely destabilising and cause withdrawal when reducing and adverse effects when updosing. It taks a few days to get a steady level in the blood and you need to have patience. Your symptoms seem to come and go when a change is made, whether it s updose or a dose reduction.   Healing comes in windows and waves, which are part of the healing process and normal in withdrawal, but the waves can be distressing. It does help when you know what is happening. 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-stabilization/

 

Only you can decide whether to reinstate or not, you know how you feel and only you knpw if you can cope with making a liquid. Cutting will not be accurate enough when you start to taper again.  Liquid is available in the UK if you can get the doctor to prescribe it. It isnt difficult to make and will keep for a few days so you don't have to make it every day. 

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2022-making-a-celexa-solution-yourself

 

Let is know what you decide. 

 

[Rbvdk]

Thanks for commenting MammaP! ❤️ My family know about what antidepressants can do to you so they're strongly against me going back on them, they think it'll just add more stress especially after it's been 3 months now.

 

Just wanted to update how confusing my symptoms are getting! For a few days my fluid feeling in my urethra symptoms were 99% improved but I had pain just above my pubic bone (top of bladder?) instead which would come randomly in a dull ache and only last a few seconds or sharp pain which would go up to my belly button when I laughed or sometimes walked. I had this for maybe a week. Anyway, I started wondering what happened to my urethra symptoms and then the next day - no pain but fluid in urethra symptoms are back. Only now it's more like in my v@gin@ and top of urethra.. My bladder feels full alot, even after just peeing. I don't get urgency unless I'm anxious (I suppose that's a common anxiety symptom) and I sometimes get frequency. I'm getting painless muscle spasms at the top of my urethra too which before it was in my bladder. Also, it's gross but it's scaring me a lot because it seems like a PGAD symptom but I'm getting a lot of clear discharge too. I can live with all this but I'm terrified it'll develop into PGAD because all my symptoms seem the same as others who have PGAD.

 

I'm seeing a uro-gynocologist on 2nd of August I hope she gives me some answers if it's not withdrawals. I just don't know what's withdrawals, psychosomatic (I get that ALOT), anxiety or an actual psychical problem. I can't tell the difference at all. I just miss being normal and doing normal things but I can't even go out without flaring my symptoms up and panicking. I can't even tell if they're being flared up by panic or walking! 😕

[Rbvdk]

I ask because I've heard antidepressants and the withdrawals can deplete certain vitamins (calcium, magnisum and potassium were some of the main ones if I've heard right). Has anyone ever had deficiency tests during withdrawals (long or short term) or even any brain and spine scans? I'm interested in if anything showed up that could show what withdrawals are phsycially doing to us, if that makes sense (if not I'm sorry but I'm tired lol!)

 

Edit: I had an x-ray, CT scan and MRI (all of whole spine) 3 months after withdrawing when I still felt symptoms - (mainly in my intestines). I'm hoping to get more info from them soon because they didn't tell me anything at the time except that they couldn't find what was causing this inflammation that was showing up in my blood (my temperature was over 42c!)

[ChessieCat]

On 11/14/2011 at 8:27 AM, Altostrata said:

As for scans, as I understand it, neither SPECT nor fMRI are going to be helpful in identifying the kind of damage we have.

 

First of all, although you feel pain (and I've felt it, too), we don't have what's called organic damage, meaning tissue destruction. What we have is autonomic dysregulation, which won't show up in any scans or tests -- which is why when people have all kinds of tests, they are almost always "normal."

 

Even in stroke, where there is organic damage, it's not clear what fMRIs scans show (see http://stroke.ahajournals.org/content/34/5/e26.full)

 

The second reason is, as the article above explains, it isn't clear what these scans actually show. Researchers are taking liberties interpreting them. They see what they want to see in them.

 

The last reason is, if you had a scan, what would your doctor compare it to? What would be "normal" for you? Any individual would have to have a baseline scan first and then a scan later to see if anything changed -- and still, all it would show is blood flow.

 

And with regards to vitamin and mineral deficiencies it might be worth getting tested because all people (including people who are not taking any drugs) can be low in certain ones.  However, the same as with what is stated in the above quote if you haven't been tested prior to ever going on psychiatric drugs, there is nothing to compare it to so a conclusion of being low in a certain area being caused by the drugs cannot be drawn.

[Rbvdk]

Sorry admins, I didn't know if I should have posted that question in my own thread!

 

Thanks for all the info Chessiecat! 

18 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

The last reason is, if you had a scan, what would your doctor compare it to? What would be "normal" for you?

I never thought of that, same with the vitamins. That's a shame nothing shows up I was quite hopeful something would. I've heard MRIs can show nerve hypersensitivity so I wasn't sure if that would show up if it were antidepressant induced. 🤔

-

Just another update that today I'm feeling pretty ok mentally. I know I keep saying this (I'm starting to annoy myself lol) but I keep getting PGAD and because I've had it purely by psychsomatic before, it's so hard to tell if it's actually real this time or not which is really frustrating. It definitely feels difference from the other times, but I always say/think/feel that. My worst form of PGAD ever was psychsomatic and that was while I was still on cito. Only difference is this seems more phsycially triggering plus I have other phsycially triggering genital symptoms as well whereas I didn't before. Real or not it's driving me crazy and I have to keep fighting off panic attacks.  Sick of being house-bound from all these symptoms and the anxiety!

[Rbvdk]

Hope it's ok to keep updating here. My mental state is bad this morning and I'm feeling so depressed but I don't want to bother my family about it so I'm here to try and write it all out. Both my sisters are on their own holidays with their families, they're doing everything I want to do, so many exciting things. I feel like a purposeless piece of dirt being stuck at home too scared to leave my bed. I have my mum and fiance who I'm grateful for massively and I honestly wouldn't be alive without them. I'm so scared my anxiety and depression are pushing them away. My fiance is so patient and loving despite everything and I just get irritable in return, I don't deserve him at all. I'm on my period so I'm sorry if I sound dramatic, I just feel like my life from here on is going to be full of suffering. I can't imagine having a normal happy life, it feels inevitable that I'll be diagnosed with some long-term thing that I'll have to spend the rest of my life dealing with. I had a UBGYN appointment 2 days ago, I paid privately for it because I was hoping I'd be more informed by what they think I have or rule things out but I literally paid over £100 for a 10 minute appointment where I didn't get to say ALL my symptoms and was examined just to be told "well you don't have a prolapse." Bare in mind the doctor referred me to check for IC or bladder cancer.. She did say the excess discharge is by hormones but that was literally it, no more info. Ugh..

 

I hate how I was given ads young for reasons that simple therapy could have cured or managed. College was the thing that cured me in the end anyway. I hate how I only went back on them to deal with the affects THEY caused and it really really hurts how the reason I came back off them this time was because I finally felt true happiness and hope and knew I didn't need the poison anymore - I never needed them anyway, all my mental problems were fixed in other ways but 90% of them were caused by ads in the first place. It's my birthday this month and I'm going to get married later this month too. I was so excited for this month all year. I was excited to have a new start and new life without the poison but even the most happiest time of my life, I'm still suffering.

 

I should be happy this month and I should be healthy while I'm young. I should be excited about my new life and I wanted to have kids.. I never thought my future would end up like this. I feel so hurt and I feel like a victim. Taking ads is literally just like taking a pill that will cause a random chronic condition, the longer you take it the worse it'll be, but people take them because the side effect of being on the drug is slight mental stability. It isn't worth it at all of cause. I wish everyone knew and I don't mean to sound edgy/aggressive but I seriously hope the drug companies pay massively for what they've done to their consumers. I hope this long rant doesn't annoy anyone, I'm just feeling so awful physically and mentally right now. I wish I was like my sisters, that's how I should be this month too. Still, I'm glad they're at least happy because they deserve it massively. We all do though (on this website and anyone suffering wds).

Thanks to anyone who reads this and if anyone feels like commenting.

[mammaP]

Its good to see your update but sorry that you are feeling so bad. This will pass, it is a wave and waves never stay in full swell forever.  Hang in there and it will get better. Can you go for a short walk, or just go in the garden?  It is very hot again but cooler in the evenings. I've just watered the plants and feel better for it, it always feels good to have done something even if it is something small.  How are the wedding plans going? 

[Rbvdk]

Thank you so much MammaP, I don't know what I'd do without this website and everyone's support on it. ❤️ I took a walk when I read this (sorry I'm only just replying) and I felt tons better for it. Thanks for the suggestion and it made me decide that I'm going to try and give myself a small task every day just to have some purpose and something to take my mind off symptoms. Glad you feel better for watering the plants, taking care of something living brings alot of purpose. They're going good, most things are sorted thankfully - it was causing me alot of stress while planning it which I think contributed to developing the withdrawals lol. Thanks for asking! ❤️

[Rbvdk]

I think I'm getting better, especially with the help of the TMS forum. I noticed my PGAD flares (for a few seconds or minutes) when scared but for some reason I get a few seconds of muscle pains/stabbing/burning when stressed (as if there's a difference?) Besides them, my 2 symptoms I'm most worried about is I still feel the fluid feeling but now it's when walking around for maybe 10 mins after peeing. I feel like there's fluid or SOMETHING around my clit, urethra, v@gina- changes a lot and I feel it moving around. It's so irritating even though it doesn't last too long. The other symptom is that my clit and urethra entrance has become more sensitive and can be uncomfortable when wiping. I'm not sure if this is just normal and ads has numbed it a bit this whole time because I can't remember what it felt like before ads. I don't think it's normal to feel uncomfortable and I hate it either way. Not sure what to do next.

[Rbvdk]

Updatee. It's been almost 6 months since coming off citalopram completely. I withdrew 5mg each month from February and now I see how stupid that was.. I've been on them for 4 years, I can't really just come off them in 3 months like that. I wish I went back on them to tapper slower when I first started getting symptoms, just a week after I hit 0 in May. Just want to write my history of symptoms so I can look back at it some day and maybe someone who is going through something similar can comment too.

 

It seems I'm getting all PGAD symptoms without the actual arousal but it does feel like it's coming on slowly these pass few days. It's always hard to tell what's psychsomatic or not with me, as you can probably tell by my whole thread lol. Even the thing I had right in the begining wasn't real and I hate myself for going back on them for it.

Anyway, these are all the symptoms I have or have had in order (that I can remember). A lot has gone away but some are new. Bolded are the ones I still have and the others are ones that have gone away:

 

- Yellow diareaha started during withdrawal I think, then turned to very loose usually yellow stools, then turned into hard yellow undigested stools, finally became normal although slightly loose in September.

-  Fluid/drop feeling in urethra after peeing, only lasts a second (on and off now, almost completely gone) started on maybe day 7 after hitting 0mg.

- Mild feeling of bladder always being full, felt when walking sometimes too (could have been tension) started 3 weeks after 0mg, went away in September.

- Fluid/drop feeling in v@gina after peeing but lasted longer - only felt when walking. Started in July after 0mg, went away early September.

- Full/swollen feeling in cervix or bladder(?) during sex - not sure when it started as I avoided sex a lot but it happened each time until Augest it became on and off and then fully stopped in September. Very sure it was tension.

- Clear discharge (Like when you do a lot of exercise, not the arousal lubrication - only comes out after peeing during wiping) (also finally starting to become on and off rather than constant in the past 2 months) started in June or July.

- hypersensitivy to touch (finally starting to become on and off rather than constant in the past 2 months) started in August and got stronger over time. 

- burn stinging and pinching in urethra entrance started in July, went away in late August/ early September. Can be on and off now very rarely but it turns out it's just an anxiety/stress symptom.

PGAD - confusing because I get this on and off as an anxiety and psychosomatic symptom. Each time I get it I always believe it's real this time. I'm going to say what experiencing now is real as it's woken me up 3 nights in a row now. Started just a few days ago. Very mild so either psychosomatic again or an onset. Definitey worse while sleeping. What makes me think it could have actually started earlier (Maybe early August or July) is (TMI) now I seem to be able to org@sm by penetration alone - like 3-4 times in these few months. I read on the institute for women in pain website that this is actually an onset of PGAD? Doing small research, 20% of women have a pelvic pain condition according to that site, and also only 20% of women can org@sm just by penetration - according to a bunch of sites. I'm wondering if this 20% of women all actually have an early onset of PGAD. Which worries me because that means I do too.

 

So besides these main symptoms I also have/had random twinges, stinging, itching, painless muscle spasms and flutters, painful muscle spasms due to stress just before wedding (bit over 2 months ago - in August 28th), one random morning a few weeks ago, it stung when I peed, hasn't happened since and hopefully never does again. I've had PGAD when anxious for a few seconds since August just like I had stinging when stressed for a few seconds. I'm very tense which causes burning around pelvic floor sometimes and sore achy legs.

 

I really really hope I'm not getting PGAD. I feel like it's getting worse though and I'm so scared. The hypersensitivity feeling worse and PGAD waking me up in the night for 3 nights in a row makes me really really believe I have it. As well as the random PGAD sensations throughout the day.

[Rbvdk]

Need some quick advice if possible, my doctor gave me propanolol to help with my anxiety. He said take it whenever I feel anxious/panicky but I don't have to take it every day/consistently, is that ok to do? I need to know by monday because he booked the appointment to see how I am on them. I feel super awkward going if I didn't take them.

 

He said we only have beta receptors in the brain and bladder and it doesn't effrect hormones like SSRIs do (when I was telling him about long-term withdrawals). I'm planning to only take 10mg when I'm panicky, I know it's not much but I'm too afraid to go higher. Especially because it effects the bladder. He is the nicest doctor ever though, he's so understanding and patient. He doesn't force me to go on any drugs I don't want and is even willing to give me any drugs I believe will help which is so kind. But I'm never going to take any drugs if I can help it. He also listens to everything I say about the long-term withdrawals and agrees it could cause these because they're like a stimulant and also effect the hormones. I'm just so lucky to have a doctor like this.

 

Anyway, my pgad is weird. I had it very badly 3-4 days before my period (I usually get arousal feelings before my period anyway I think it's normal to a degree for anyone) this was very bad though but once I reassured myself it went away for the rest of the day and the next. Then I started worrying about it again and started getting UTI symptoms (I think it was after sex). Then the next I was on my period and felt fine. 3rd day on my period I start to feel constant dull pgad again and today is the 4th day and I'm still feeling it. I'm also feeling throbbing of the whole front groin, sensitvity in and around clit with touch and leg movements (mild), and swelling in my lower stomach above my bladder. My bladder seems kinda irritated too (I should drink more though).

 

I can't tell what's real and what's not when it comes to pgad, but I take it as when it appears out of nowhere and stays all day despite distraction and reassurance then it's real. But it's only been 2 days - well, 1 day and a 1 hour of this morning. And I've felt worse by psychosomatic so that's a good sign? I need to get over this fear though. If I stop getting psychsomatic symptoms then at least I'll know when I feel it it's real. And I need to learn to cope better when/if I do feel it. I don't know how to get over the fear of PGAD because to me it's the worst condition ever and something that I'm likely to have or get. Since I learnt about it in 2016 I've never really been the same. I think about and worry about it every day and for the majority of these 2 years I've had some form of it by psychsomatic. It's taken over my life. I wish I never took ADs and I wish I never saw that documentary on Youtube about PGAD. I have diagnosed PTSD from childhood abuse and honestly the trauma I feel about PGAD is much worse. Literally, I can't even do something (like a game or tv show) that I did just a few days ago because it triggers the memories and thoughts of PGAD so badly and I'm still going through it! Like every day is forming a new trigger and trauma. I can't stand living like this. I hate these symptoms !!

 

I'm seeing a psychologist for my PTSD on Fridays, CBT for health anxiety on Tuesdays and TMS(Psychosomatic) Skype therapist on Tuesday evenings. Also hoping the doctor can refer me to a specialist to check for this swelling feeling in my lower stomach and maybe the blood flow around my genitals. Hopefullyy.

[Rbvdk]

Please is anyone here? I just had a spontaneous orgasm in the car and everything is burning and the arousal is worse. I'm in shock and my body has frozen stiff which is really hurting. I'm terrified. Everything I knew about pgad and everything that reassured me is just gone. This orgasm was out of nowhere. Now everything aches and feels heavy and the burning is horrible. What do I do? Do I go back on citalopram? It's been 5 months since I got to 0mg (I thought it was 6 months).

[Rbvdk]

Hi, I'm feeling very hopeless. Since withdrawing 5 months ago, I felt I was slowly developing PGAD (Getting most symptoms except the actual arousal) I was getting windows and feeling so much better though. But now on this 5th month I have the arousal part along with everything else I've been having only much worse, (just before my period but it went away for 2 days and then slowly came back and now since yesterday it's been horrible - I had a spontaneous orgasm!). It feels like I've actually slowly been getting worse and worse this whole time and I'm scared of how bad this PGAD is going to get. I hate to sound negative but I've read there's people (not just on here) who's had PGAD for 12 years since withdrawing and it hasn't subsided at all for them. I feel like I'm going to be one of these people who have it forever because I was on citalopram for 4 years and these symptoms seem to be happening slowly rather than instantly like most people I've seen (who've healed). I'm so scared and feel so alone, what could be happening to me?

 

I hope it's ok that I post here in the windows and waves thread because mine seems to have been developing slowly rather than in waves and I don't know anyone who's had that before?

 

Edited October 25, 2018 by ChessieCat
moved from windows & waves topic

[Rbvdk]

@ChessieCat sorry if I posted in the wrong thread but I'm not sure where else to post for my question.

[ChessieCat]

This might be a better topic to post this type of question in:  persistent-genital-arousal-disorder-pgad

 

[Rbvdk]

@ChessieCat I was thinking that but I wanted to see from people who had any symptoms, not just PGAD, I just wanted to know if anyone had had it where it's gradually getting worse but they still have windows. I just mentioned PGAD because I was hoping someone who had/has it would reply too (I noticed there's no one on this site who has or had it any more) but I just wanted to hear from anyone with any withdrawal at all mostly.:)

[ChessieCat]

These might help:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

And this from what-does-healing-from-withdrawal-syndrome-feel-like

 

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

[Rbvdk]

@ChessieCat Thank you so much for everything. I hope you don't mind me asking but going by all the people you've seen with PGAD, how long averagely does it take to get better? And are there any success stories of it with people who were on antidepressants for 4+ years? Sorry for all the questions, I'm panicking a lot right now and feel very alone.

[WiggleIt]

On 10/26/2018 at 3:56 AM, Rbvdk said:

@ChessieCat Thank you so much for everything. I hope you don't mind me asking but going by all the people you've seen with PGAD, how long averagely does it take to get better? And are there any success stories of it with people who were on antidepressants for 4+ years? Sorry for all the questions, I'm panicking a lot right now and feel very alone.

Dear Rbvdk... I just want to let you know that I was on psych meds for approx. 4 years, and I'm healed from the delayed-onset PGAD, so the answer to your question is "yes" people can heal.  

As with all parts of WD, though, everyone heals on different timelines.  On my own thread, I gave a long answer including timeframes, but don't get too attached to those.  Everyone gets better, but everyone also has different timeframes for when they get better.  During my most acute phases of WD, I needed to hear "It gets better" every second of every day.  Ask for as much reassurance as you need, and the people here will help you.  We know how this goes.  We know it gets better.  It really does, but it's hard to accept when we're in the middle of the scary symptoms.  But it gets better!  We can all thank Monica from Beyond Meds for those simple, true words.

[Rbvdk]

Ahh thank you so much that's exactly what I needed to hear!! You have no idea how much better I feel from reading that! I read your other reply too I'll just reply there now but it was so helpful thank you again! ❤️

[Rbvdk]

Hi I was on Citalopram, just wondering how long does it take for the drug to get out of your system once you hit 0? I was on it for 4 years if that contributes.

[ChessieCat]

A psychiatric drug doesn't "get out of your system".  See this post, and especially the very last paragraph.

 

And also see this topic:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take