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Waiting12

Waiting12: needing advice

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Waiting12

You're in my prayers as well. Glad you're getting over that bug finally

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Dez

I'm glad too, but trying to sleep is a nightmare. It'll get better, though, for both of us.

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Waiting12

This situation is so crazy. I went on to have a another symptom free window last night. Slept like 9 hours. I'm on the tail end of it. I go from feeling so so bad to feeling normal and relieved. I took your advice Dez and wrote all the good things I felt during it. It will carry me through this.

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Dez

I'm so glad you had a window! The positive times will definitely help you through this. I had a similar situation last night. I had a significant mood drop and got depressed. Later that night I felt my artistic creativity come back and felt normal. Even slept for a long time in the first time in ages!

 

It's a very weird situation but we'll get through it. Keep strong and enjoy these good times! One day they will never end!

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Waiting12

Yay for both of us! :P Our brains are going to get it right! Even though I'm not feeling good today it isn't unbearable. Its somewhere between a window and a wave. Maybe this is what I have been seeing people call 'baseline'. Who knows, it all changes so fast. My window was so funny last night while I was going to sleep I was thinking about all my favorite foods and how delicious they are. I haven't enjoyed food at all for months so that is a good sign i think. Today again no appetite but at least my brain is trying. I could also remember really positive past memories and felt the joy connected with them. Like summer time bon fires/ fourwheeling/ laying in the sun etc.

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Dez

Wow, Waiting! I think that's a good breakthrough! The clouds have parted a little during your storm! It'll definitely get better, once your brain gets everything organized and situated where it needs to go. I hope that you'll get more windows soon and longer lasting ones at that!

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Waiting12

Ive been doing the rollercoaster. Had about 4 days of terrible depression and crying. Saturday night my mood lifted but i seem to be stuck with this awful withdrawal OCD type thinking. I never had anything like this before the bad reactions at all. Its like my fear tries to attach itself to things that aren't actually scary. Intrusive thoughts hitting me from all angles. I know it will pass in time but its hard to cope with for now. Also this morning got some bad news that my brother has been put in jail. My stress level went through the roof. Intrusive thoughts, panic attack feelings, fast pulse. Now i feel like i can't relax and am just ruminating on all the stress. My CNS definitely took a hit this morning. Any words of wisdom how to deal with real life stress on top of how WD makes you feel? I know certain life stressors are inevitable and well basically stuff happens. I feel like the negative anxious thinking queen over here. 

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Flowers

So sorry about your brother and can understand why this is causing you stress.

 

I haven't read your thread but have you got any relaxing/coping techniques that you have tried that might help? I do progressive muscle relaxation which I find a great help to relax my body and mind. Also mindfulness but that takes a bit of practice!

 

Hope these suggestions might help you.

 

Hugs

 

Flowers xxx

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Dez

Hello, Waiting.

 

I'm sorry what happened with your brother is going on on top of all this. Try to keep in mind he may be in jail, but whatever happened with him, he seems to be okay. Then take a deep breath from your belly and try to think of some good things lately despite the bad. It seems tough but you'll discover there are still good things in the world, too.

 

I'm having a rough time as well, sweetheart. Depressive thoughts and feelings, pounding heart that keeps me awake, anxiety, and nightmares. It's so hard dealing with all these withdrawals. Sometimes you start thinking will I ever get out of this? Will any of this get better? And some days you might even think am I going to die?

 

But remember, this will all pass. Windows will come. Better days are ahead of you and you will experience them eventually. Despite all the pain and madness, you're body is still functioning. In the end, once your brain heals, everything will be alright. It's normal to think and feel horrible during this, who wouldn't? The strongest person can even be brought to their knees, but you know something hon? They get right back up. You will too! Hang in there and stay strong! One day that weight of the world will be lifted and you'll feel so light you'll know you can fly!

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Waiting12

Thank you, Flowers, for reaching out.

The progressive muscle relaxation really helps me to get to sleep most nights. I don't know why i never thought about doing it during the day time. Duh! Mindfulness has been hard as my anxieties distract me so much, although I continue to try despite this.

 

Thanks too, Dez. He was put in for drinking and driving. This is nothing new. I think this is his 3rd time. It bothered me before and of course I would worry about him but in this sensitized state it hit me like a ton of bricks. I worry about his future now & how my parents will handle this after having to put up with my situation. Also, intrusive thoughts came barreling at me about how awful it would be to be in jail and i got panicky. I was literally like WTF are these thoughts? Where did this come from? Just have to keep reminding myself it is WD and that im not losing it. Then i go into reassurance mode and read about OCD and how intrusive thoughts are normal/they don't mean anything to calm myself. This is so not who i am.

 

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. You are such a sweet person & i know you will make it through this. I hope things really excel for us soon. I have had all those thoughts too. Sometimes when i get the physical symptoms along with the anxiety or depression I say i didn't even know it was possible for a person to feel this bad. It always passes though. Sometimes after an hour sometimes its a day or more. But it always goes. Thank you for always being encouraging. I don't know what I would do without you and this site. My mood has been OK since Saturday night but it was real ugly before that with crying spells. I know the depression will come back but i pray it will be lighter. One day this will all be behind us.

 

I am also wondering if I have had such a bumpy road because my pdoc gave me ativan in November and told me to take it 4 times a day. Seriously?! Of course i didn't do that and i never took it continuously which is why I never even thought about it. I looked yesterday out of curiosity and I took it 12 times (6 0.5mg pills total but cut in half each time) within about 5 weeks. I don't know if that is enough time to have my brain go out of wack from that too? I hope I didn't add another WD on top of a WD. I'm sure it didn't help things. Oh our poor brains.

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Dez

I know that family can definitely make it harder on us during this time. Perhaps a long talk is in order with your brother, but for a later day. Try to focus more on this day. It seems that you're doing better with self talk and that's progress right there! You should be so proud of that!

 

You're also quite welcome for the encouragement! I've noticed that helping others makes me feel useful during this time, as it seems I can't do much else. I'm able to support others more than myself! But in a way, it's encouraging in and of it's own and makes the brain think positively.

 

The other pills probably didn't help in this situation, but it shouldn't be too bad I don't think. The longer you're on something the worse it seems. I was on the Effexor XR only two days and had such bad reactions to it. I haven't been that bad since it got out of my system.

 

Yes, our poor brains!!! Working over time to try to fix themselves! But they can do it. We just have to baby them. Want to laugh? Look in a mirror and talk in baby speak to your brain. Just make sure you do it when no one is around! :D

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Waiting12

Ha! that's a good one. It seems like whatever side effects I got from the meds stayed with me. They come in and out with the waves and windows. Well today triggered a panic wave I had to go get him from jail. He has a long road ahead of him, but thats on him not me. Then I drove him 30 miles to my parents and came home again. Oh my goodness the panic was high. I stopped and talked to my mom at work on the way back and the DP/DR kicked in, full panic/feeling of doom mode. Its still here and im just waiting for it to pass but holy crap. Idk why but when that all kicks in a feel a sense of being disconnected with poor concentration and that makes me panic worse because it makes me feel crazy! I just have been telling myself anyone would have been stressed out today and that its just worse for me being in a sensitized state. 

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Dez

Try having a hot cup of herbal tea, or soak in the tub. Even listen to some relaxing music. Remember, it'll pass. It's probably bad right now because of everything going on recently. Try your best to relax and remind yourself that it will get better. Hang in there!

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Waiting12

I was thinking I should do end of the month updates for myself to look back on & hopefully in the future I will see progress from month to month. January was hell im not going to lie. I had terrifying waves and feel like im living in my own nightmare. I have also been timing my windows. I am 81 days since my last bad reaction to an SSRI. I have noticed this month that usually i feel better in the late evening and around bedtime.

 

December 2016- 3.5 hours total windows

January 2017- 60 hours total windows (13 hours being symptom free)

 

My symptoms:

 

Intrusive thoughts- still here. This is my worst symptom. They are changing themes now though. It seems like my neuro-fear is trying to 'attach' itself to things/thoughts to be scared of. It is hell. They are gone in my windows. Even if i make myself think of one in my window they mean nothing to me, there is no fear, but why would there be I know im not afraid of these things. Its my brain misfiring.

 

Unbelievable anxiety- still here. Can range from hours of pure panic to moderate anxiety.

 

insomnia- much better most nights. I can usually sleep around 7 hours. A few nights a week I will wake up a lot during the night with panic. Every morning I seem to wake with either panic or dread. Still can't nap during the day.

 

Poor Concentration- slightly improving

 

no appetite & GI problems- Still here. Still making myself eat and logging calories trying not to lose any more weight.

 

muscle tremors and twitches- Improving.

 

dizziness- Comes and goes.

 

Anhedonia, feeling disconnected from others- still here. Severe in some waves/ Completely gone in some windows.

 

Vision issues, dim vision, sparkles, black spots, floaters- comes and goes.

 

DP/DR- Only severe during panics, mild-moderate other times.

 

Depression/Crying- Comes and goes. Severe in waves.

 

Feelings that this is permanent- Mostly here. Goes during windows.

 

Ruminating- Still here.

 

No interest/ Motivation/ Fatigue/ Feel weak- Still here.

 

Feelings of doom- Comes and goes. Mostly here.

 

Terrible memory- Improving

 

Sensitivity to Stimuli- A little worse, Can't watch TV 90% of time, music etc.

 

Tachycardia, Breathlessness- Comes and goes.

 

No libido- Still here.

 

General feelings of Confusion- Slightly improving.

 

Agoraphobia- Still here. I still make myself get out, shop for the necessities, out to eat a few times, go to friends/family etc but not for long periods of time.

 

Awkward social Interaction- Same. I feel i have to fake my way through conversations & hard to concentrate on the subject.

 

Tinnitus- Comes and goes, Mostly present.

 

Sweaty hands & feet- Still here. Skin peeling now.

 

Fear of going crazy- Still here. I researched that this is a common symptom of panic attacks.

 

Akathisia- Comes and goes in waves. Seems that it comes during PMS week & talking on the phone. Mostly gone but is absolutely awful when its here.

 

Hot or cold Body temperature- comes and goes

 

Flu like feelings- come and go

 

Poor circulation in toes- Mostly gone

 

 

 

New symptoms that have showed up:

 

Mind chatter- Goes during windows

Acne on face, neck and back

Itching

Brain dreaming while still awake when trying to fall asleep- has happened 3 or 4 times

OCD type anxiety- Im not sure if this is WD symptom but I can pretty much only think about withdrawal and spend a lot of time researching for reassurance that I WILL get better. This goes with poor concentration. It is hard to distract myself from my anxiety.

 

 

Well thats January. Hopefully things look up soon.

Healing thoughts and wishes to us all.

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Dez

This is a very good idea, Waiting. I look forward to seeing your monthly updates!!

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Waiting12

Ok guys, I need words of wisdom. I am so panicky today. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to look at a wisdom tooth that is half showing. It is also having some discharge when i push on it. It doesn't hurt but i am scared. I am scared of the meds at the dentist. I am scared that i need antibiotics. I am scared of the pain and recovery while going through withdrawal. I am SO scared. Any chance all will be well? Will this make me worse?

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Dez

I honestly can't say since I don't know how sensitive you are. I've been able to take cold medicine and benadryl and be fine. Perhaps you should talk to your dentist when they figure out what's going on and see if there are any homeopathic treatments if it comes down to that. Swishing salt water? Anything. That being said it may not even be an infection, just stuff happening because it's coming in. In almost 26 and still have wisdom teeth coming in!

 

Try not to over think the situation. Remember, doctors of all kinds are open to questions. Ask them, that's their job. It's possible there's a solution that we didn't know that they might. But we don't know what it is yet, so hang in there until then if you can.

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Waiting12

Thanks dez,

I'm pretty certain i need it removed. It is coming in horizontal. I hope I can ask for a local anesthetic and not need to go under general. That would really freak me out. Ive heard of people with anxiety having bad reactions to even the local anesthetics. You are right I wont know all the details until i get the xrays done. My mind goes into catastrophe mode thinking im going to get worse and not be able to cope. I just couldn't stand to have the thoughts/anxiety or anything get worse.

 

I don't know how sensitive i am either. I took a couple benadryl in late December and i was fine. I'm just so scared of medicine after how many bad reactions ive had. I know i cant tolerate any ADs, buspar, xanax, albuterol, or caffiene. Ativan didn't seem to do much of anything. Its hit and miss. Ugh I want my life back.

 

Why are we told to avoid antibiotics anyways?

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Dez

I know it's bad, Waiting. It can be miserable. I had a good day yesterday then my mother stressed me and my sister out. I had trouble getting to sleep then woke with an anxiety attack with less than four hours of sleep. Had a crying spell and desperately want a nap. It's amazing that meds can cause so many issues for so long.

 

I'm not sure why we can't take antibiotics. It might be because our systems are so sensitive and antibiotics can be strong meds. It might send our systems into overdrive but I'm not sure. Hopefully someone else can answer that, I'm curious to know as well. I do hope everything works out for you. Please keep me updated on everything! I'll be praying for you!

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Waiting12

Im glad you had a partially good day yesterday at least! Sucks it kind of went downhill though. I too woke in a panic and couldn't get back to sleep. I've been up since very early. I'll keep you updated on what my dentist says tomorrow. Lord help me stay as calm as I can. My pulse was through the roof even calling for the appointment. :blink:  I've been putting it off since August thinking I could wait until I got better, but now I see that 'getting better' is going to be a long road. I think I'll ask in the symptoms and self care section about the antibiotics.

 

A lot of this is my own anxiety its just the wd that isn't letting me calm down or forget about it. Thanks for being such a good friend!

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Dez

You're very welcome! One day these withdrawal symptoms will feel like a dream (or a nightmare!) And fade into the distance.

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Waiting12

Thanks Scallywag. I try my best, but it seems with this chemical anxiety not many coping mechanisms work yet. Maybe I just need more time as she says.

 

I went to the dentist and don't need my wisdom teeth pulled as of now. I do need to take an antibiotic 3 times a day for the next 10 days though. Hope it doesn't make anything worse.

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Dez

Please keep me posted, Waiting!!! I'll be praying that everything goes smoothly for you. Hang in there, girl, stay strong!! You can do this!!!

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Happy2Heal

just read thru your thread Waiting, so sorry for all that you've been thru

 

you have a great attitude, in spite of it all.  I hope you are well and can check in soon!

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Waiting12

just read thru your thread Waiting, so sorry for all that you've been thru

 

you have a great attitude, in spite of it all.  I hope you are well and can check in soon!

 

Thank you, Catnapt, for your support. I hope you are doing well.

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Waiting12

End of the month update again. I really can't believe it is March tomorrow. I am now 109 days since my last adverse reaction to an SSRI and 77 days since Ive taken anything.

 

February was easier than January. These last couple weeks have been hard again though. This month I had to take antibiotics for an infection. I took amoxicillin for 21 days. That ended up messing up my menstrual cycle so I went through pms twice. Pms is the worst for me through this withdrawal. I am still in Pms mode today as i write this but hopeful my time of the month will come soon as i have been spotting. My cycle is 10 days late (not pregnant either). I am unsure if my progress this month was from the antibiotics or if it was real progress. The infection didn't completely go away so i tried a stronger kind of antibiotic yesterday and it made my skin burn so I had to quit taking it. My dentist wont give me anymore antibiotics so i have to have the wisdom tooth pulled, go to the clinic for different antibiotics, or keep doing my homecare in hopes that it will clear up. Im so sensitive to meds im not sure what to do at this point.

 

Also, as i write this in a nasty wave it is hard for me to recall how good the earlier weeks were. But, i know they were. I had friends overnight, we played games and laughed, my sleeping was good for awhile, i read a novel, i ate a lot more, I played my guitar a couple times, I started renovating a room upstairs (a hobby of mine that i haven't done since last summer). Then it all went downhill again and the panic and fear took back over. Luckily, I still counted my windows so I can actually 'see' the progress on paper when im feeling this down. Very few of the windows this month were "symptom free" but they were good enough to be able to focus on other things and have some interest back. (other than how bad i feel & withdrawal).

 

 

December 2016- 3.5 hours total windows

January 2017- 60 hours total windows (13 hours being symptom free)

February 2017- 189 hours total

 

My symptoms:

 

Intrusive thoughts- still here. My worst symptom. I have had a couple days where I don't have hardly any at all. I even had a day of full anxiety withOUT the intrusive thoughts. I think this is a good sign.

 

Unbelievable anxiety- still here. Can range from hours of pure panic to moderate-mild anxiety. Usually it is at its worst from 11am to 3-5 pm. Not always though, this week its bad right upon waking up.

 

insomnia- improving. I have usually been sleeping in later than before. I always wake up at 7 am, but have been able to go back to sleep til around 10 most days. I had one bad night where I couldn't sleep at all but it was due to a life stress. I have nights where i wake up a lot still but i am able to fall back asleep faster. Still wake up with dread feeling most days. I  even was able to nap in the daytime twice this last month even though they were very short naps.

 

Poor Concentration- slightly improving still.

 

no appetite & GI problems- Slightly improving. I'm usually not hungry, but eating isn't as hard as before.

 

muscle tremors and twitches- Nearly gone. Only noticed them a handful of days.

 

dizziness/balance issues- improving still. I haven't felt the rocking feeling all month, still a bit unsteady.

 

Anhedonia, feeling disconnected from others- Improving.

 

Vision issues, dim vision, sparkles, black spots, floaters- Nearly gone. Floaters still remain.

 

DP/DR- Improving.

 

Depression/Crying- Improving. I only cried this month during the pms waves. Still feel down a majority of the time. This is huge, i used to cry nearly every day.

 

Feelings that this is permanent- during waves

 

Ruminating- during waves

 

No interest/ Motivation/ Fatigue/ Feel weak- Still here

 

Feelings of doom- improving. The last few days it has been back.

 

Terrible memory- Improving

 

Sensitivity to Stimuli- A little worse, Can't watch TV 90% of time, music etc. I feel very sensitive to negativity and stress. I don't understand it, but still have had trouble filling up my day. I can't wait for the day I am able to watch TV again. If anyone has any tips on activities that are low stimulus, please let me know.

 

Tachycardia, Breathlessness- improving overall but here during waves

 

No libido- improving!! (I have had libido issues since 2010 when i started SSRIs, then completely nonexistent after all the bad reactions)

 

General feelings of Confusion- Pretty much gone.

 

Agoraphobia- Still here. I still make myself get out, shop for the necessities, out to eat a few times, go visit family etc but not for long periods of time. Somedays its not so bad, other days i cry on the way home because it was so hard. I drove and visited a friend 75 miles away when i was feeling well in the beginning of the month. Yesterday just running to the pharmacy was a nightmare. I don't get it.

 

Awkward social Interaction- improving

 

Tinnitus- Still here.

 

Sweating- Still here. Mostly feet.

 

Fear of going crazy- Still here. I researched that this is a common symptom of panic attacks, adds to the fear of losing control.

 

Akathisia- Gone all month until pms wave. Seems that it comes during PMS week & talking on the phone. Mostly gone but is absolutely awful when its here.

 

Hot or cold Body temperature- come and go

 

Flu like feelings- come and go.

 

Poor circulation in toes- comes and goes when im cold

 

Mind chatter- Much improvement. Comes back during a wave.

 

Acne on face, neck and back- still here

 

Itching- improving

 

Brain dreaming while still awake when trying to fall asleep- still here

 

OCD type anxiety- mostly gone all month until a couple days ago. Its mostly just looking for reassurance that things will get better.

 

 

New symptoms that have showed up:

 

Inner vibrations- I had this symptom way back in July when I tried to restart zoloft and had my first bad reaction. I was surprised when it came back as it has been so long. It has only happened 2 or 3 times upon waking up and goes away after a few minutes.

 

Anger/annoyed feeling- this has only happened 2 times since november. It passed after an hour or so and turned into frustration, then crying. 

 

That was February. Started off surprisingly well. Better than i've felt for months and ended in a small wave followed by a nightmare wave. I am hoping after I get my time of the month I will be back to feeling okay. Time will tell. Yesterday and Today I feel back at the unbearable square one but that can't be the case.

 

Healing prayers to you all.

We will heal from this.

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Waiting12

Does anyone know if anything helps with the overwhelming nausea/headache/dizzy sea sickness feeling? It's like I could vomit any second but never do...

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nz11

well i can relate to what you are saying and i never took anything for it. I just went with the flow.

I would lie down and try to relax so i guess thats how i dealt with it.

Sometimes i felt like vomiting and didnt, sometimes i didnt feel like vomiting and suddenly did.

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ChessieCat

One thing I find when I feel nauseous is that I shallow breathe.  It's like I'm in an alert state.  I don't breathe as deeply as I normally do.  When I realise that I am doing it, I do some slow deep breathing and find that the nauseous feeling reduces.

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Waiting12

Thank you both for the replies. It means a lot. I will try to just go with the flow and deep breathe. Like everything else this will pass. I hope you both are doing well.

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Blondiee1915

I get some nausea usually in the am for a bit and drink ginger tea it seems to help

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LexAnger

hi Waiting,

 

I'm so sorry you went through so much trying out that many dangerous poisons by those so called doctors!

You are so strong surviving the most horrendous journey!

 

I'm so happy to hear you are improving in many of the horrible symptoms! Your strength will definitely take you to the other side of the hell and your young body will heel fully fast!

 

Keep the great work, streghth, and faith!

 

Lex

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Waiting12

Thanks Blondie, my mom even suggested that so there must be something to it!

 

Thanks Lex, your comment actually made me tear up a bit. I'm in a bit of an emotional wave & hearing someone tell me I'm strong when I feel so weak & scared is such a gift. Thank you! I really really hope to god you are right and one day I can put this nightmare behind me and get back to living a life.

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LexAnger

It's guaranteed waiting! I have full faith we all will get our lives back, as long as we don't give up. It takes extraordinary streghth and love to life which I see both in you! I went through both WD and reaction and know how much it takes to hang in.

 

Keep reminding yourself this will all pass and you will enjoy everything life offers in a larger magnitude after this experience. Reading success stories when feeling down always pulls me out and gives me streghth to continue.

 

Hugs,

Lex

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Waiting12

Thank you so much for the kind words. I see you are almost through with tapering. Good for you! I hope you start feeling better soon!

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