Waiting12: needing advice

[Waiting12]

I’ve read multiple benzo recovery stories of people who say they had an intense last wave before feeling healed completely or at least significantly improved. Baylissa also said this happened to her at about 2 years out. Is this phenomena also true for AD & adverse reaction people?

 

I have been in such a nasty ‘retro-wave’ going on about 6 weeks. Things I forgot I even experienced in the beginning are popping in and out. Almost all symptoms I thought were long gone are back, existing ones intensified. Even had a new symptom that every time I ate set me off for hours (eating used to make me feel better). I think I got that under control the last few days with probiotic yogurt... who knows? 

 

Before this i was seeing improvement in every area. I had daily & monthly patterns of feeling better and worse that made it easier to anticipate what to expect. I was thinking about this less & less & not scavenging the forums for hope. Now my day is a total crap shoot & It’s freightening.

 

I guess I just need some encouragement that this is normal at 19-21 months. That all progress isn’t in fact erased and I could be right on the cusp of healing. Did anyone here have an intense wave towards the end? I’m scared this means I have another many years of healing to do. Is this huge wave a good sign or bad sign?

 

 

[Alice1]

Hi Waiting ,

Same thing happened to me at 20 months off. Akathisia was way better and I was coping decently , not good but decent. Then all of a sudden my Akathisia came back with 4 or 5 new painful symptoms ..Someone once told me early on that a lot of my symptoms would get better only to be replaced with new ones .. That's exactly how its going for me right now at 24 months off..  What I'm trying to do is pay attention to the obvious things like diet, exercise , sleep and I'm even doing some of that neural retraining stuff , but the one thing I'm really trying to focus on is accepting that this very well might take 5-10 years to resolve . I know its scary to think about enduring such stuff for so long , but I truly think It's one of the most important ( if not the most important ) things we need to do to aid our healing .  You're one of the people I follow on here so I want you to continue to be strong and hold on tight , and be smart about recovery . Neuroplasticity does happen , but it works both ways .  We can change our brain for the better and worst .. Being fearful and negative will create pathways that interfere with recovery .. You and I will be just fine , but it's going to take a lot of work and TIME .... 

[Waiting12]

@Alice1

Thank you so much for replying. So after your 20 month wave did you see a lot of improvements in other areas or did it continue to rage on?

 

I’m not going to lie your response hit me hard. I cried at the 5-10 year part. Why have I only been reading 1-4 years? The last of it possibly being very tolerable. I don’t think I am at a place where I can accept a decade of this. Not at this intensity anyways. I still am too sick to work which I hate. If I could be somewhat consistent, with less intense stuff and work it would be a lot better to get through.

 

I can’t imagine the wreckage my life would be if this doesn’t resolve significantly within the next year. I need hope that that is possible.

 

Acceptance comes easily for me when I’m at my normal baseline and watch it rise over the months. It’s this non linear pattern and this huge wave that makes my acceptance go right out the window due to intensity of sx.

[Alice1]

Hi Waiting ,

No No No .. I do not mean intense suffering for 5-10 years .. I , like you , have read 1-4 years too , but I'm sure we will have to endure a phase of achiness and fatigue type stuff for some time too .. What I mean is that we have to be realistic about recovery , and not put expectations or timeframes on healing .. It will definitely happen for us , but if we expect it to come next year and it doesn't , where does that lead us ? Down a path of fear, worry, and depression that will only complicate and prolong the actual recovery .. Acceptance while in a window is easy , but the acceptance while in a wave is where the rubber meets the road for us .. That's where the real work is required . The hardest work .. 

 

My improvements happen as follows ;   I'll get a couple of debilitating symptoms for a month , then they will ease off , and 2 or 3 new ones arise for a month , then they will ease off , and the older ones that previously eased off will come back , so on and so forth ..  I have bad days and better days . I do not have any really good days , although I don't expect them yet .. I have windows that last 10-30 minutes 2 or 3 times a day , but I also have waves 2 or 3 times a day that last 10 -30 minutes .. Very up and down back and forth type stuff , which I'm sure is normal ..

 

I'm so sorry my post upset you , but you really did misunderstand what I was saying .. It totally seems like we are both in the windows and waves pattern of stabilization and will heal in due time .. The fact that you were getting better and hit a wave is CLASSIC for healing .. 

[FarmGirlWorks]

12 hours ago, Waiting12 said:

I’m not going to lie your response hit me hard. I cried at the 5-10 year part. Why have I only been reading 1-4 years?

I think 1-4 is a more typical timeline... I saw the 5-10 years too and did a big gasp. Yes, everyone's timeline is different and acceptance is the key (and I struggle with that every minute). I suggest reading a Success Story... the timelines vary but the ones I've read are usually less than 5-10. I too cannot imagine going thru this for 5-10 years! However, it may happen and as a member here said, "it will end and before it ends it will get better."

[Waiting12]

3 hours ago, Alice1 said:

What I mean is that we have to be realistic about recovery , and not put expectations or timeframes on healing ..

I understand what you mean. I’m totally guilty of doing this. Thanks for the reminder about acceptance. I must’ve been getting better because it had become easier to do. 

 

3 hours ago, Alice1 said:

. The fact that you were getting better and hit a wave is CLASSIC for healing .. 

I guess my recovery had been more gradual with little blips a long the way. I’m glad this is normal.

 

 

1 hour ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

I think 1-4 is a more typical timeline... I saw the 5-10 years too and did a big gasp. Yes, everyone's timeline is different and acceptance is the key (and I struggle with that every minute). I suggest reading a Success Story... the timelines vary but the ones I've read are usually less than 5-10. I too cannot imagine going thru this for 5-10 years! However, it may happen and as a member here said, "it will end and before it ends it will get better."

 

Thanks you FGW. We’ll come out of this eventually. & I hope we’ll be better versions of ourselves because of it.

[Waiting12]

Oh boy...while still in my bad wave from late July I have had a very bad reaction to an antibiotic amoxicillin a day and a half ago. I could only take one dose. I took this ab at 2 months out with no issues so thought I’d be okay. Now at 20 months I must be more sensitive.

 

The reaction showed after an hour and was characterized by incredible anxiety, tight throat, dizziness, tiredness, ear ringing, muscle twitching and most freightening of all a change in my mental state with dp, brain fog and weird thoughts. I felt like I was about to go crazy or something. I felt the weirdness start wearing off after about 4 hours from taking it and thought ‘glad that’s over, not taking any more of that’, & went to bed. I woke up yesterday morning feeling very weird with foggy brain etc...My main complaint is that it has triggered a huge comeback of akathisia & some intrusives that go along with it. Like very bad. I did get a break from it all for 5 or so hours but then it came back even worse in the evening. I slept for about 4-5 hours and woke up with it at a very acute level again a couple hours ago. How much longer will it keep getting worse? Also this aka feels a lot more physical than what I had before. But I maybe just can’t remember just how bad it was back then.

 

i had mental and physical akathisia during my recovery and it slowly went away but took a long time. I think it was the first 6-12 months was the worst. It definitely wasn’t 100% gone before I took the ab but it wasn’t one of my main complaints anymore because the intensity was usually a lot lot better.

 

guys, I’m scared. Am I back at square 1? Did I undo my last 2 years of healing? I was in a bad wave but was still getting more clear headed with glimpses of emotions and my personality. I was actually getting there & getting parts of myself and my life back. I can’t start all over. My recovery has been an absolute nightmare and was finally tolerable & becoming stable in may to the end of July this year. Then I hit that big wave setback...now this?

 

Is this just a symptom flare that will soon clear or have I re-injured my cns? Will it take longer to go away than last time? Anyone else have another reaction well into recovery? How long did it hang around? Will I go back to my previous baseline or am I totally screwed? I need hope that I will survive this and that it may not take another year to be livable again. 

 

Any words of encouragement are welcome. Thank you.

[Alice1]

Hi Waiting ,

Aeroman reacted to antibiotics after he was recovered and he recovered again . I think it set him back 6 months or something .. I get set back if I get a cold , eat too many carbs , get in an argument , or even after sex . Have a unstable cns does these things . You're never screwed , you are always healing ..

 

If you want you can write to Aeroman and ask him some of these questions . He's a super guy and will respond quickly ..

[Waiting12]

Thank you so much Alice.

[Alice1]

8 hours ago, Waiting12 said:

8 hours ago, Waiting12 said:

 

guys, I’m scared. Am I back at square 1? Did I undo my last 2 years of healing?

 

You're quite welcome Waiting , and in the meantime while you're healing , work on reframing this part the best you can ..

 

[Waiting12]

Thanks Alice. I do hope my previous baseline is still intact underneath this re-sensitization. The akathisia was at an unreal level again this morning from 4am-11am. The worst I’ve ever had it. Then it left and now at a much lower level since. & i was exhausted and was able to take a nap while I had relief. I can tell I’m more sensitive still though. Intrusive thoughts are worse but not as bad or constant as they were in the beginning. No appetite, anxiety, insomnia etc... I am scared of the next days and weeks to come. I hope to god it doesn’t come back to how intense that was yesterday and this morning. There was no distracting from it. Unbelievable.

[Alice1]

I suffered something like that last weekend . The Akathisia got to 10/10 for about an hour and there was nothing I could do to settle down . I keep thinking to myself "I've gotta be doing something wrong " , but what that could be is a mystery since I take nothing and do everything suggested by the community to help healing . 2 years out and its only getting worse .. Or is it ?  I think back and say "ok it's totally different from last month , so is it getting worse , or is it just changing and morphing like I was told , and symptoms being different , but still acute makes it seem like it's getting worse ".   No matter how I look at it , its going to do whatever it wants .. Welcome to CT withdrawal ..

[Alice1]

My point being " don't fight it , and let it happen "...

Fighting against it only compounds the suffering and adds to the hopelessness ..

I still struggle with this so don't think I'm an expert and can handle WD better than others .. I can't , but I choose to keep working at it , and never give up ..

[Waiting12]

14 minutes ago, Alice1 said:

 

My point being " don't fight it , and let it happen "...

Fighting against it only compounds the suffering and adds to the hopelessness

 

I think I need to re-read my Claire weekes book that says this same thing. Thank you so much Alice. Your words always help me. I’m sorry it’s been so intense for you too. Hopefully big shifts will happen after the 2 year mark for you.

 

Do you notice that going for a walk helps when the akathisia is severe? The last 3 times it got bad I went for a 15 walk and each time got a window from it at some point afterwards. I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence or not. Does it also give you racing & intrusive thoughts when it hits hard? Any other coping tips?

 

Thanks again.

 

[Alice1]

Yes , Walking helps tremendously , but I walk in the evening , and I only walk gently , not briskly .

 

My symptoms change so much . I get some really wicked stuff . I know I get intrusive , racing thoughts quite frequently , but honestly I don't really notice them too much when I'm getting hit hard with other stuff , which has been happening a lot lately ..

 

As far as coping , well , there isn't any magical stuff I can recommend except the stuff here at SA , but most of the coping tools here at SA are for folks who are tapering wisely .  So we need to do as we've been doing , and that's survive day by day , hour by hour , minute by minute , and stack up that time, like poker chips, until we have a good amount of time stacked up and then look back and say " My akathisia is better than before ", or " I don't feel as hopeless as before " , but be prepared to hit waves too . Non linear . You have to always remember that ... Non linear ..

 

You have survived 100% of your worst days Waiting . This WD thing is about time .  I know you want to get well by next year . We all do , and that very well might happen  , but I really think you should abandon the "get well quick" thing and focus away from desired recovery timeframes . Healing will happen , but you'll absolutely slow it down by watching , and waiting for it to happen .. The number one thing I'm trying to do right now is learning how to live while being sick ..Know that we're not going to die , that we will heal , but we'll need to still live our life despite being sick , while stacking that time up (like poker chips) and looking back every once in a while to see the small improvements turn into one big improvement ..

 

 I have found that learning to live while being sick means living as normal as a life as you can , and gently taking care of your nervous system at the same time . By doing normal things as much as possible without strain on the nerves . so , we don't want to push ourselves to do too much , but we don't want to sit at home watch life go by either .. If you're too ill to do anything , well do nothing , but as soon as you feel capable to do something gentle and healthy , do it .  I think I'm guilty of doing too much myself ..lol 

 

Now please understand that I'm not a professional at this . I , like you , am learning how to do this , and from time to time (probably more) I break down and get frustrated and feel hopeless , so do not beat yourself up for not being able to be a pro at this .. Just keep trying and keep going forward ... 

[Waiting12]

On 9/6/2018 at 6:47 PM, Alice1 said:

Yes , Walking helps tremendously , but I walk in the evening , and I only walk gently , not briskly .

 

My symptoms change so much . I get some really wicked stuff . I know I get intrusive , racing thoughts quite frequently , but honestly I don't really notice them too much when I'm getting hit hard with other stuff , which has been happening a lot lately ..

 

As far as coping , well , there isn't any magical stuff I can recommend except the stuff here at SA , but most of the coping tools here at SA are for folks who are tapering wisely .  So we need to do as we've been doing , and that's survive day by day , hour by hour , minute by minute , and stack up that time, like poker chips, until we have a good amount of time stacked up and then look back and say " My akathisia is better than before ", or " I don't feel as hopeless as before " , but be prepared to hit waves too . Non linear . You have to always remember that ... Non linear ..

 

You have survived 100% of your worst days Waiting . This WD thing is about time .  I know you want to get well by next year . We all do , and that very well might happen  , but I really think you should abandon the "get well quick" thing and focus away from desired recovery timeframes . Healing will happen , but you'll absolutely slow it down by watching , and waiting for it to happen .. The number one thing I'm trying to do right now is learning how to live while being sick ..Know that we're not going to die , that we will heal , but we'll need to still live our life despite being sick , while stacking that time up (like poker chips) and looking back every once in a while to see the small improvements turn into one big improvement ..

 

 I have found that learning to live while being sick means living as normal as a life as you can , and gently taking care of your nervous system at the same time . By doing normal things as much as possible without strain on the nerves . so , we don't want to push ourselves to do too much , but we don't want to sit at home watch life go by either .. If you're too ill to do anything , well do nothing , but as soon as you feel capable to do something gentle and healthy , do it .  I think I'm guilty of doing too much myself ..lol 

 

Now please understand that I'm not a professional at this . I , like you , am learning how to do this , and from time to time (probably more) I break down and get frustrated and feel hopeless , so do not beat yourself up for not being able to be a pro at this .. Just keep trying and keep going forward ... 

 

Thanks alice. This really helps. I’m on day 9 of this acute setback from taking the ab. I got a window last night until this morning of my previous baseline which felt so much better. Now today struggling again. I hope my cns calms down soon and goes back to where I was. This has been really hard. 

[Waiting12]

 

Has anyone else had a medication induced setback? I took 1 dose of amoxicillin antibiotic 12 days ago. Instant bad reaction. It feels like I’m back to the beginning. It’s devastating being 21 months out to have such a reaction/setback after things were finally tolerable May-July this year. I would really like to hear how long this lasted for someone else (I know everyone’s different) but I need some hope & encouragement that I don’t have to start all over from the beginning. 

 

Thanks,

Waiting

[bubble]

Hello Waiting.

 

I'm really sorry you had this experience. I also got sensitive to taking atb and get those frightening mental symptoms you describe. Luckily they go away within a day or two of stopping the atb.

 

But I did have a longer lasting setback from dental anesthesia. I felt cortisol and/or adrenaline surging through me and turning me in an anxiety stricken wrack. I was in a bad way for 2 months but gradually it went away (like everything). So it might take time but it will go away. I surely don't think you are back to square one. Especially since you took just one pill. It's just a painful but minor blip in your recovery.

 

I hope it passes soon. I love Alice's contributions on your thread! Take care!

Bubble

[Waiting12]

Thanks bubble! Every story of a setback resolving helps so much to keep that hope that I didn’t re-injure my CNS.

 

16 minutes ago, bubble said:

I was in a bad way for 2 months but gradually it went away (like everything). 

 

After 2 months would you say you were back to where you were before the reaction/setback?

 

[bubble]

Definitely! I also found it extremely helpful to know that it happens to other people and that it passes. 

 

I had a story of Pokeshaw who at first didn't even connect worsening of symptoms to dental anaesthetic. The thing is, it wears off and doesn't interfer with recovery mid-term.

[Waiting12]

Hi all,

 

I’m having a wisdom tooth extracted on Monday. I talked to the receptionist about my cns sensitivity and problems with medications. She said that they will use carbocaine without epi. She also said ice should be sufficient for pain. I am SO terrified of another bad reaction, especially after 1 dose of amoxicillin 2 weeks ago has me in a bad place still. Has anyone who is extremely sensitive to everything like me been okay with carbocaine for dental work? 

 

Ive never had dental work done before (other than cleanings and braces) so I don’t really know what to expect. I’m a little nervous about the procedure itself but moreso the 3 hour drive to the dental surgeon and possible setback/reaction. Does carbocaine affect the CNS? My anxiety is through the roof at the moment.

 

Thanks,

Waiting

[Alice1]

Hi Waiting ,

My ex wife is a dental hygienist and I'm going to see her tonight so I'll ask about Carbocaine , but my I'm thinking that it t's in that "caine" family as is in Novacaine  or cocaine , which does affect the cns to a certain degree . I know that the worrying you're doing about the procedure is definitely affecting your cns , but I also understand how hard it is to not worry .. I think it's one of those things that will cause an uptick in symptoms but wont hinder your recovery much if any .. 

[Waiting12]

Thanks Alice. I am very worried. It seems most people do ok or only have a minor uptick in symptoms. However I’ve read 2 threads that had very severe setbacks from carbocaine. My cns rejects everything at this point. I just don’t see it going well for me.

[Alice1]

Do you absolutely have to have this procedure done ?  I'm guessing you're in a lot of pain from the wisdom tooth .. Can It wait any ?

 

I spoke to my ex wife about Carbocaine w/o epi , and she said it doesn't last that long ..

[Waiting12]

I’m not in pain but there is an infection that has been bothering my taste a lot. Also, have the feeling that this infection has been negatively affecting my recovery. They said I shouldn’t need more antibiotics since once the tooth gets taken out the little infection pocket will come with it. The tooth is half erupted. Thanks for talking your your ex. I have read it doesn’t last as long either. But hopefully the extraction is quick.

 

I am just SO scared of another bad reaction. I’ve already felt like I’m back in acute since early August with the last 2 weeks being very bad. I’m non functional again. I know the stress of this isn’t helping either. I’m also afraid something will go wrong and I will need antibiotics again which I can’t tolerate. This is such a nightmare! 

[Alice1]

I completely understand Waiting . Just last week I got bored with my diet and had a weeks worth of careless eats .The wave was so bad . Now I'm afraid to eat a single potato chip ..

[Waiting12]

Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that. Has it subsided? My appetite has been terrible lately. Back to force feeding myself anything I can. Some people stress eat... but for me stress turns my appetite off. What kind of diet do you follow?

 

Seriously thank you for the continued encouragement. I don’t know what id do without the knowledge of others going through this.

[Survivor1]

Hi Waiting12,

 

I don't think I have posted in your thread before, but I wanted to stop by especially since I saw your reaction to the antibiotics.  I too have had a horrible reaction to a med - steroids, and I have been having a really hard time for many weeks.  Feels just like acute WD!  I recently have been having a few windows, so I hope the worst is over.  Just wanted to let you know that things will get better, just have to go through it ...

 

I am also interested to know how your anesthesia will go, as I have a colonoscopy in a few months and I may have to have anesthesia (or do it unsedated, yikes!),  Hope all goes well, and hang in there.  It has to get better ...

 

Take care.

[Alice1]

Hey no problem Waiting  . Glad to do it . In Fact ,  I'm going to pm you my name so we can talk on FB Messenger , If you want . I'm in close contact with a small handful of ppl in adwd and benzowd .. We're keeping each other alive ..  I would love for you to be part of it ..

 

Anyway , My diet is mostly vegetables and meat and some fruit .  I drink a lot of V8 too . I've been doing this for a long time . However , since I've not seen any measurable improvements ( I'm a CT ) in 2 years, I said " F this" and had fast food and carbs for a week . My Akathisia ramped up to severe levels , Its a good thing I work alone most of the time , cuz I've been flapping my arms and legs , pacing , etc etc  for the last 4-5 days . I think it's subsiding now ,  but it never subsides all at once .. Takes awhile to get back to baseline hell ..

 

Anyway I'll pm you my name so you can be a part of our little group . Only if you want to ..

[Waiting12]

18 hours ago, Survivor1 said:

Feels just like acute WD!  

I’m so sorry survivor. You can PM me anytime. I too feel like I was set right back to the beginning of my adverse reactions 2 years ago! The first week was unbearable waves and good windows, second week was really bad (not unbearable) waves but not as good of windows...now I’m PMSing and it’s back to unbearable...on top of the added stress of the tooth extraction and needing local anesthetic soon, I’m basically a wreck. Have you seen improvements in your setback? I too hope the worst is over for you. How long has it lasted?

[Survivor1]

28 minutes ago, Waiting12 said:

Have you seen improvements in your setback?

 

Hi, sadly I'm in a nasty wave again.  The worst for me is the anxiety.  Haven't had it this bad since I dc'd seroquel 2 years ago.  By all accounts, most people see improvements from steroids in 3-5 months, some unfortunate souls even longer.  I'm only 6 weeks out, so I have to be prepared for a long time of this crap.  I still have to taper my last med and I don't even know when that can begin ...

 

I hope that since you took only one dose of the abt, it shouldn't be that long for you. I have to be positive, so should you.  It's the only way out.  Sorry you are going through this.  I'll be thinking of you.

 

[Waiting12]

1 hour ago, Survivor1 said:

The worst for me is the anxiety. 

Me too, survivor, along with the restlessness, some bad depression waves, some intrusive thoughts & lately insomnia/no appetite. Anxiety has been constant and it’s near impossible to distract from or function. I have been assured it does get better again though. You will get through it too. Keep in touch.

[bhasski]

Hi,

How are you doing ? I had lurked on your thread many times but lately stopped spending much time on SA - until recently @Anubhav mentioned your thread.

 

How much improvements do you see from the time you came here? What has helped you most?

 

I am still facing difficulties going into real world action... physical n emotional setbacks whenever I tried.

Its 3am and I am tired trying sleeping.

 

My wishes for u.

[Waiting12]

18 hours ago, bhasski said:

Hi,

How are you doing ? I had lurked on your thread many times but lately stopped spending much time on SA - until recently @Anubhav mentioned your thread.

 

How much improvements do you see from the time you came here? What has helped you most?

 

I am still facing difficulties going into real world action... physical n emotional setbacks whenever I tried.

Its 3am and I am tired trying sleeping.

 

My wishes for u.

 

Hi there, I was slowly getting better and I would say time was the only thing that helped. Symptoms were going away and lessening a lot in intensity. I started seeing that this could really all go away. However, I am in a bad setback from taking an antibiotic 3 weeks ago. It feels almost like the beginning again. Also, recovering from a wisdom tooth removal I had a day ago. I hope to have this setback resolve and get back to where I was. Ultimately it seems time is our healer. 

 

Stress can also be a trigger for setbacks as well. Is that what you mean by difficulties going into real world action? Have you been seeing improvements overall?

[bhasski]

On 9/26/2018 at 9:32 PM, Waiting12 said:

Stress can also be a trigger for setbacks as well. Is that what you mean by difficulties going into real world action? Have you been seeing improvements overall?

 

Stress yes ... Also my inability to bear excuses for a work and being in positive and happy state.

 

Today too I felt same in an incident. A friend of mine convinced me to do software learning stuff as I had work exp and I can help him out and myself too.

I told him from the very start to spend quality time and develop interest. But in 6 days I had gone only for 2 days to his place bcoz he got other engagements. Even today when I was about to leave to his place, I called him to let him know.. and he had got his work. He didnt even consider to let me know in advance.

 

What to tell such ppl ?

 

I had seen improvements but calmness and refreshness feeling is still missing. There is still a lot improve.

Memory, Pleasure, Eyes, Stomach,Anger, Irritation and sexual aspects.

[Waiting12]

Guys, I need some encouragement. It’s been 2 months since the bad reaction to amoxicillin which triggered a massive setback & 1 month since an Epsom salt bath backfired on me and made the setback even worse (which I tolerated fine all recovery til now?) I have been feeling like I’m back in the acute phase I went through 22 months ago. (Though, not as bad in some ways, but worse in other ways.) I also had a wisdom tooth extracted a month ago. So stress, other meds, healing from that still...

 

Is this really just a bad symptom flare? I’m scared this is a whole different issue I have to slowly heal from. I read that amoxicillin is a gaba antagonist. 2 months ago was windows and waves... now just waves.

 

 Did I do more damage to myself? I even have the Achilles heel pain (much more mild now and coming and going) that people who are floxed complain about. How is that possible? I tolerated amoxicillin fine in month 2 not to mention my whole life, what the heck? I’m sorry but I just don’t understand this. My family doesn’t understand and I’ve been a wreck, like this is all I can think about until it settles down a bit. Survival mode I guess.

 

This will still settle down? My recovery was more linear which is why I’m devasted. It took me a long time to get to where I was. Now I’m really struggling and overwhelmed. My days feel like weeks. Almost everything is back plus a handful of new stuff. Also, no cycle this month... over a week late. I feel so messed up. Trying to stay positive. 

 

Thanks,

Waiting