Waiting12: needing advice

[TryingToHoldOn]

Hi Waiting,

 

I was just curious how you were doing. You story is very similar to mine and I just wanted to reach out and support you. I am also suffering from debilitating protracted withdrawal from sertraline. HELL ON EARTH!

 

I was put on sertraline 75mg for 2.5 yrs (2014-2017) for postpartum depression. During that time I also sought counseling for a more holistic approach. My counselor determined that I was bipolar 2 or soft bipolar because I had irritability along with depression so she referred me to the Psychiatric NP in ther practice. The NP decided to wean me off of the sertraline (1 month wean) and added latuda. I was on latuda for 4 months when heightened anxiety, insomnia, and SEVERE akathisia kicked in. I suffered for a month. The NP insisted the side effects would subside - they didn't. I was also put on 100mg of lamictal 2 months after she started me on latuda. I begged the NP to take me off the latuda due to the side effects and weaned off in 6 weeks. A week after I stopped the latuda, I voluntarily checked myself into the psych hospital for emotional distress and severe suicidal depression.

 

At the hospital, they determined I had been misdiagnosed and abruptly took me off the lamictal. They reinstated 150mg of sertraline which took me out of my depressive episode. A week after I was released I ended up back in psych hospital due to serotonin syndrome. They ct me off of 150mg of sertraline. As I began to feel better, they reinstated sertraline 25mg and sent me on my way with an Rx for sertraline 50mg. The first dose of sertraline 50mg brought back all the serotonin syndrome symptoms. I stopped ct.

 

Looking back at my drug and withdrawal history, I am convinced that the first episode which landed me in the hospital was due to the protracted withdrawal from the sertraline and the latuda wean was merely coincidental. I have about 95% of the symptoms you have and feel like I'm losing my mind. I am still in great emotional distress: rage, apathy, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. I can barely take care of myself. I am also the mother of two children under the age of 5 which makes it quite challenging.

 

I've read the following multiple times: YOU WILL GET BETTER/HEAL...

 

That's what keeps me going even during my darkest days with intense fear that I will be "stuck" like this. TERROR is what I felt today, but I'm going to end this on a positive note. WE WILL GET BETTER. WE WILL HEAL. And we will be more appreciative of everything in our life when we make it through the other side.

 

May you heal swiftly and gracefully...

[Waiting12]

Tryingtoholdon I posted my reply to your thread. Hang in there dear.

 

 

I have a random question for anyone. I'm a tobacco smoker and have been for about 6 or so years. If I ever get through this withdrawal from SSRIs am I doomed to fall into this hell again when quitting nicotine in the future? I've read each withdrawal is worse. I can't imagine a worse than this but one day I want to be completely drug free. I know this isn't a quitting smoking site and I'm nowhere near where I need to be to do so, but everyone here is very knowledgeable on all things withdrawal related so I thought I'd ask.

[Happy2Heal]

Tryingtoholdon I posted my reply to your thread. Hang in there dear.

 

 

I have a random question for anyone. I'm a tobacco smoker and have been for about 6 or so years. If I ever get through this withdrawal from SSRIs am I doomed to fall into this hell again when quitting nicotine in the future? I've read each withdrawal is worse. I can't imagine a worse than this but one day I want to be completely drug free. I know this isn't a quitting smoking site and I'm nowhere near where I need to be to do so, but everyone here is very knowledgeable on all things withdrawal related so I thought I'd ask.

 

 

I quit smoking 31 yrs ago and honestly, once you are committed to doing it, it's pretty easy. and compared to psych med withdrawal, it's easy peasy. You'll breeze thru it. In fact, if you can manage to quit now, I believe a lot of your WD symptoms will lessen and you'll feel a lot better overall.

 

how much do you smoke now? if your at a pack or less per day you can probably quit without much difficulty. The physical symptoms are only bad for about a week, if that, then it's mostly the craving and the habit part of it, and those are gone in a month.

If you plan ahead for it, it's a lot easier.

For instance, smoking involves sucking in on a cig, right? so, one thing to substitute for that is drinking thru a straw. It can help some ppl (helped me a lot)

Smoking also involves putting something in your mouth, so what I did was, I got these fat pretzel rods and would walk around holding one of those like a cig, and suck on the end of it from time to time, letting the pretzel dissolve in my mouth.

 

if you usually have coffee or some other drink with a cig, change what you drink and when you drink it, if you can.

just think of all the times you'd usually be having a cigarette and try to find things you can do instead.

Another thing cigs do, is raise your heart rate. I missed this part of smoking, so what I found I could do instead was to jump rope, it gets your heart rate up very fast, just like a cig does. Walking up stairs can do the same thing. This will also help with any constipation you may have from quitting.

 

Honestly, anyone who has gone thru AD WD is going to find quitting smoking crazy easy!

 

you'll be able to smell things better and food will taste better, too.

[Waiting12]

Thank you so much H2H. All very good information and congrats on being smoke free and sticking to it! I do worry that since it's a stimulant it isn't helping me heal and of course its terrible for my health. I smoke less than a pack a day. However, I know right now is not the time that I can deal with any added symptoms or severity of. I am glad you told me it is easy compared to this. It's supposedly only supposed to last 1-4 weeks, but so was SSRI wd (according to drs). You see my confusion. Basically wondering if I'm in for a worse time because of the hell im going through now. You know, sensitized CNS and all. I'm worried about the mental aspect of it. I wish I would've quit before all this but I was blindsided by this situation. I just had no idea this could even happen.

 

Edited April 4, 2022 by ChessieCat
changed member name

[Happy2Heal]

I can't imagine that quitting smoking would make WD worse, to be honest but I guess anything is possible. To me, it's along the same lines of improving your diet during WD, anything you do that's healthier for you, "should", at least to my mind, be better for you and make WD easier, not harder......
BUT I don't know that to be a fact; hopefully someone who has actually quit during WD will come along with input. You might want to try PMing Frogie, she quit smoking and I believe she was also weaning off 4 meds at the same time. I'm pretty sure she's been smoke- free for a year now, maybe longer. I"ll ask her to peek in on your thread ok?

 

[Frogie]

Hi Waiting12-

 

First YOU want to quit, or it won't happen.

 

I quit smoking a year ago in March. It was really easy for me, but I used chantix. I smoked for over 30 years.

 

You can smoke the first week on it, while it builds up in your body, then you quit smoking but continue the chantix.

 

It is an rx you have to get from your dr.

 

I didn't have any problems with WD. I had already WD from 5 meds and was in the middle of tapering Lexapro.

 

I'm now having extreme nausea from tapering Lexapro, but has nothing to do with quitting smoking.

 

I feel so much better not smoking. I can breathe, and I don't smell. I smoked outside in the snow, rain and heat, never in my house.

 

You won't regret it. I don't crave it at all.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[TryingToHoldOn]

Hello Waiting. I wanted to stop by since you visited my journal. Your story is soooo similar to mine and I can identify very well with all of your symptoms. The only thing that stands out as being very different is that I took 4 years to taper the last drug I got thrown at me wheras you just stopped.

 

I hope you find it comforting to know that those endless days of irrational terror, anxiousness,and the intense DR (derealization) are almost hard for me to recall. Eventually the windows got longer and the waves got smaller and (for me) 18 months later I never again had akathesia or that hideous terrified feeling again. Even now, years later, its never returned. I still have effects and waves now, but I only feel slightly depressed, milder DR than I used to and anxious in the morning and then some neuro emotions and very irritable (which ties in with my menstrual cycle mainly). I used to break my day into pieces, knowing the worst passed by 11am or so, the afternoon was another hurdle and things peaked around 3-4pm, and after that it got better and evenings were always more tolerable. I kept busy as much as possible, I was a stay at home mom at the time and my kids went to school so I tried to run errands and leave the house as much as possible, it helped to keep my mind off the horrible thoughts.

 

It will get better, its all temporary and amazingly the brain can function normally again despite the tidal waves of madness that crash through it. It will get better, its slow and unpredictable but it happens.

Aberdeen,

 

I'm only a month out from being med free. I, too, am a stay at home mom. How in the world did you manage to take of yourself and your kids! Today I feel like jumping off the nearest bridge. Luckily, some very dear friends are watching my kids this week, but I have no idea how to manage next week. Any tips, insight, etc would be greatly appreciated. You sound like an amazingly strong woman.

[TryingToHoldOn]

Tryingtoholdon I posted my reply to your thread. Hang in there dear.

 

 

I have a random question for anyone. I'm a tobacco smoker and have been for about 6 or so years. If I ever get through this withdrawal from SSRIs am I doomed to fall into this hell again when quitting nicotine in the future? I've read each withdrawal is worse. I can't imagine a worse than this but one day I want to be completely drug free. I know this isn't a quitting smoking site and I'm nowhere near where I need to be to do so, but everyone here is very knowledgeable on all things withdrawal related so I thought I'd ask.

Thanks Waiting! Just responded on my thread.

[Waiting12]

Thanks frogie! Congrats on being smoke free that is awesome. So you didn't notice an increase in anxiety/depression/insomnia or anything when you quit? Is that was the chantix was for? To eliviate wd and cravings? I definitely want to and will quit. I'm just unsure if during this is a good time. Thank you for your answers!

[Frogie]

Thanks frogie! Congrats on being smoke free that is awesome. So you didn't notice an increase in anxiety/depression/insomnia or anything when you quit? Is that was the chantix was for? To eliviate wd and cravings? I definitely want to and will quit. I'm just unsure if during this is a good time. Thank you for your answers!

Hi-

 

You are welcome. Chantix makes you not want to smoke.

 

I did WD 5 meds while I was quitting and it didn't bother me at all. No anxiety, depression or insomnia.

 

It was worth it to me.

 

If you have any other questions, let me know.

 

Good luck being smoke free.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Waiting12]

Wow! Way to go! Wd from 5 meds and quit nicotine?.. amazing! I'm glad it all went well! Maybe it won't be as awful as I think haha. I've never tried to quit so naturally my wd brain assumes the worst. Thanks again!

[Frogie]

Wow! Way to go! Wd from 5 meds and quit nicotine?.. amazing! I'm glad it all went well! Maybe it won't be as awful as I think haha. I've never tried to quit so naturally my wd brain assumes the worst. Thanks again!

You can do it if you put your mind to it. Just another drug.

 

Now I'm fighting Lexapro. I feel like a failure with it. I'm updosing in the morning again, too much nausea. Like starting over.

 

Then on to Xanax and I'm free!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[TryingToHoldOn]

Hi. Just wanted to give you some info on Chantix. My friend had an adverse reaction from it, so it's wise to do your research if you choose to go that route.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/chantix-dangers-government-attention-study/story?id=14868835

 

No disrespect to you, Frogie. Glad it helped you and was a good drug for you!

 

~Trying

[Happy2Heal]

Hi. Just wanted to give you some info on Chantix. My friend had an adverse reaction from it, so it's wise to do your research if you choose to go that route.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/chantix-dangers-government-attention-study/story?id=14868835

 

No disrespect to you, Frogie. Glad it helped you and was a good drug for you!

 

~Trying

 

just wanted to add to what Trying said about chantix, it has a black box warning: http://www.rxlist.com/chantix-drug.htm

 

here's some interesting info I found about quitting smoking: http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/quit-smoking-timeline

 

I also found this: 

"How long does it take for nicotine withdrawal?

Because the first two weeks are so critical in determining quitting failure rates, smokers should not be shy about seeking all the help they can during this period. Withdrawal symptoms begin as soon as four hours after the last cigarette, generally peak in intensity at three to five days, and disappear after two weeks."

 

and this:

"Withdrawal symptoms make it harder to quit nicotine products and most methods for quitting smoking involve reducing nicotine withdrawal. The most common symptoms are irritability, anxiety and difficulty concentrating. Depression and insomnia are the least common."

 

I'm surprised to see anxiety etc listed as WD symptoms, I don't recall having those...I can assure you, if they happen at all, it won't be anything like the anxiety etc that comes with WD off psych meds.

 

I don't believe that nicotine remodels your brain the way that psych drugs do. I could be wrong, but I can't find anything that suggests that it does.

[Waiting12]

Thanks everyone for the info on nicotine. I will quit at some point in the future, but I'll wait til I feel healthier and ready.

 

I just wanted to post something so I didn't forget. I haven't had a good clear window for a couple months now. I've had better days and bad days and the occasional unbearable day. I sort of lost all expectations of windows and just thought maybe things would slowly evolve for me over time. Well last night as I was laying in bed I had the most beautiful window. The fear and sadness left me. I was filled with joy, bliss, stillness, calm, and optimism. It was so beautiful I actually cried tears of joy. I don't think I've ever cried happy tears in my life until last night. I could think about my future and everything seemed just right. There was nothing to worry about. All the stress of wd just melted away. I'm sure I fell asleep with a smile on my face. How wonderful.

[Aelius]

I`m glad to know you experienced something pleasant for change. I totally get it what it feels like. I`m looking forward to this moment to come again.

[anongrl5590]

Hey Waiting12, how are you doing so far?

[Waiting12]

Hey Waiting12, how are you doing so far?

Hi there, I'm very slowly seeing improvements in a very non linear sort of way. If I look back 6-8 weeks the overall Improvement is there but day by day is up, down, up, down.

 

How are you?

[Waiting12]

I am now at 5 months since I have taken anything. Things are slowly getting better overall but in an up and down way. The "feeling" that lead me to try re-instating last year is back but much stronger. I don't know how to explain it. It is like a package of symptoms that all come at the same time. It feels like motion sickness/dizziness/unbalanced/DR/nausea/head pressure/neck and head tension and pain/brain fog/fatigue all at once. I had that for 6 months feb-july of 2016 but was still able to work, go to school, keep up with commitments, but felt really crappy everyday. Last year, I was told it was vertigo and tried chiropractic and physical therapy for many months with no luck. (Also got a million tests run all coming back normal). Then, that is when zoloft was tried again all the failed reinstatements started and the nightmare really began. I now know this is all wd. I guess I just don't exactly know what to call that 'feeling' when its so hard to describe. Does anyone else have that or is there a name for it? It just makes me feel really sick like I need to take a time out and lay down for awhile.

 

Another thing that has really set in is anhedonia. Well, im not sure if it is true anhedonia. I can feel all the negative emotions, just nothing positive. I have no interest in anything, no motivation, no excitement, happiness, etc. On a good day if feels like a major case of the blahs, on a bad day it ruins my day. I am guessing this is just another phase. I do get fleeting moments of 'oh! thats how i used to feel'. I've also had like 2 windows of feeling content and happy, so... I guess this is just where im at at the moment and im ready for it to keep getting better.

 

I still feel as if my life is on hold. I am still unable to work/go back to school and not functioning anywhere near where I want/need to be but I guess time will take care of that too. I am trying to meet this process with non-resistance and just take it day by day. I hope by autumn i'll be able to get a part time job somewhere with low stress. I still have loads of constant chemical anxiety but its not where it used to be. It seems to go down just a smidgen each month. I could post my symptom list, but literally everything on there just comes and goes now. My sleep is consistently better. It takes a long time to fall asleep but once I do I sleep for 7-9 hours straight. I still can't take naps during the day no matter how tired I am. I usually feel a bit better in the evenings. My monthly cycle still messes with me. Also, I have been sick twice the last 6 weeks which makes things worse (a 10 day cold followed by what I assume was a sinus infection a couple weeks later). Intrusive thinking is still lurking, but less often and less intense Thank GOD! That was a nightmare! Also, my memory seems to be worse the past month or so.

 

That's where I'm at 5 months out. Some things better, some worse. I'm definitely not feeling good yet, but i am a lot better than the first few months. Hopefully one of these updates soon will be a good one. I hope everyone is healing well.

[Alice1]

That's exactly where I am at 8 months off. At 7.5 months off I felt a lot better. I even started getting windows everyday lasting 2-7 hours but now I've been in a serious wave like you've described. I think you're doing right by "not getting in the way of it all ". After all if we freak out about the whole situation we'll just end up back in the same spot with a panic attack on top.

[Waiting12]

Hi Alice, thnks for checking in. I hope your monster wave has passed. It will! Has it been bad the whole 8 months or did you have a delayed onset of symptoms?

 

I would like to report that I was able to take a 90 minute NAP today!!! This was the first time I was able to nap for the last 10 months!!! I have been waiting oh so patiently for this day. (I used to nap nearly every day before this mess). Even if it goes, I know I'll be able to nap again some day. Good lord I missed my daytime naps!

[Alice1]

It started since week one and has gotten worse since. I get the windows like I said but I haven't got any relief the past two weeks. Only at night in bed. This current wave has been the worst one yet. But funnily enough before this wave I was doing pretty good. Still symptomatic but very very optimistic. And even feeling a bit better. Im really tired of withdrawal lol. Oh well. Keep on pushing through day by day I guess. I try to stay positive but fall into despair at least once a day.

 

Glad you are sleeping. I sleep well too.

[TryingToHoldOn]

A 90 minute nap sounds heavenly! I'm still suffering from insomnia that started in December 2016. I get about 2 - 4 hours of sleep now. Baby steps...

[Waiting12]

Advice would be appreciated on the agoraphobia front. I'm not sure it's true agoraphobia or what. Basically, I feel so weird, sick and anxious (& whatever other symptoms decide to show each day) 24/7 that I don't like leaving home for long periods of time. I can go and do things & go places but limit it to a couple hours and a lot of the times is neccecity stuff. It's not like going out and having a great time socializing or anything... because well, there are no great times yet due to this withdrawal. I'm just as miserable at home as I am anywhere else. Anyways, now my fiancé wants me to go on a long road trip with him in a couple weeks (over 2,000 miles) & I don't know what to do. 

 

Is this a face my fears type of situation or something I'm not ready for that would overstimulate me/ make symptoms worse etc.. Will these weird fears go in time or do I really need to work with them now? Normally, I would love going on that road trip & I've taken a few longer ones than that before totally stress free. What is with this?! I realize I would feel like crap here or in the car... but it seems easier to be sick with DR, dizziness, anxiety ect...in a quiet low stress environment. Am I just reinforcing the fear by opting to not go until I'm further along in my recovery? I am at like 6.5 months out from my last adverse reaction. Thoughts?

[Dez]

Hey, Waiting!

 

This is definitely something that can't be helped but be worried over. Truth be told, I felt the exact same way. I'm now currently working part time and travel with minimal problems. I think you should give it a go and try to get out more often, no matter how you feel. Reading through Irishwill's post gave me strength to do so.

 

Everyone is different, so you may feel a bit worse afterwards, but if you feel bad at home anyway maybe getting out more will help? It helped me a lot. I still have the hypochondriac kinda mind set and still have bad days but working gives me purpose, going out gives me purpose. Plus the ruminating has almost stopped entirely, as I have too much to focus on to even think about it much.

 

You are on your way to healing, it's easy to see that! You are much better than before! Congratulations on hanging in there! Just remind yourself of Dr Claire Weekes' coping methods and do your best. Instead of shrinking from fear and the sensations, get aggressive with it, get powerful, get confident! "I WILL go to the store today and you won't stop me!" Or "I've experienced this before and made it through, I most certainly can do it again!" You'll get there eventually and you WILL heal! Keep moving forward, don't look back!!

[Flowers]

Hi Waiting. I can sympathise with you as have found myself in similar situations. 

 

Only you know how well you are and what you can cope with. I think we lose a little bit of confidence in WD and it is hard to get back into a normal life as we recover.

 

A change of scenery would probably do you good and refresh you but it is a long trip. Would it be possible to do something shorter this time  so you can build up to a bigger trip in the future?

 

I am like you and don't like straying far from my home when in a wave. It is my comfort zone! 

 

Maybe if you look at the trip as being good for you and plan things that you would normally enjoy it will become something to look forward to rather than dread.

 

 

Just last week I was lucky enough to have a window and we took off on the spur of the moment for just a short break a 2 hour drive away. I had such a fab time and now I am back in a wave again so glad I managed to cram it in!

 

I hope you come to a decision that is right for you and your recovery.

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Survivor1]

Hello Waiting,

 

I know things seem endless, but it will improve, just gotta hang in there and somehow go day by day.

 

When we are in WD, it is always easiest to stay in that safe place and not venture out.  I am going on vacation soon and am in no mood to, but my kids are home from school and are looking forward to it, so can't disappoint them.  I went on vacation last December when I was in a worse situation, and even though I managed, I was dying to come home, so I really don't know what to advise you ... if you decide to go, you will manage just fine, but you may be chomping at the bit to return.

 

Have a question: I see that you have developed tinnitus.  So have I and I find it very distressing.  When did yours start and have you seen any improvements.  I am trying to ignore it but those quiet times that I used to cherish have gone out the window...

 

All the best.

[Waiting12]

6 hours ago, Dez said:

Hey, Waiting!

 

This is definitely something that can't be helped but be worried over. Truth be told, I felt the exact same way. I'm now currently working part time and travel with minimal problems. I think you should give it a go and try to get out more often, no matter how you feel. Reading through Irishwill's post gave me strength to do so.

 

Everyone is different, so you may feel a bit worse afterwards, but if you feel bad at home anyway maybe getting out more will help? It helped me a lot. I still have the hypochondriac kinda mind set and still have bad days but working gives me purpose, going out gives me purpose. Plus the ruminating has almost stopped entirely, as I have too much to focus on to even think about it much.

 

You are on your way to healing, it's easy to see that! You are much better than before! Congratulations on hanging in there! Just remind yourself of Dr Claire Weekes' coping methods and do your best. Instead of shrinking from fear and the sensations, get aggressive with it, get powerful, get confident! "I WILL go to the store today and you won't stop me!" Or "I've experienced this before and made it through, I most certainly can do it again!" You'll get there eventually and you WILL heal! Keep moving forward, don't look back!!

 

Hi Dez! It is SO good to hear from you!! I'm glad you are doing well. How is the new job & how in the world did you know you were ready?! This makes me so happy :)! I'm glad im not the only one that has felt this way. Its a tough battle. Its easy to see my healing? Lol some days I wonder, but yes.. I must be.. even if its so slow I don't even notice the positives haha. Thank you so much for your kind words. You always make me feel better about this whole mess. I hope you are feeling much better too! Looking forward to reading an update from you

 

 

6 hours ago, Flowers said:

Hi Waiting. I can sympathise with you as have found myself in similar situations. 

 

Only you know how well you are and what you can cope with. I think we lose a little bit of confidence in WD and it is hard to get back into a normal life as we recover.

 

A change of scenery would probably do you good and refresh you but it is a long trip. Would it be possible to do something shorter this time  so you can build up to a bigger trip in the future?

 

I am like you and don't like straying far from my home when in a wave. It is my comfort zone! 

 

Maybe if you look at the trip as being good for you and plan things that you would normally enjoy it will become something to look forward to rather than dread.

 

 

Just last week I was lucky enough to have a window and we took off on the spur of the moment for just a short break a 2 hour drive away. I had such a fab time and now I am back in a wave again so glad I managed to cram it in!

 

I hope you come to a decision that is right for you and your recovery.

 

Flowers xxx

 

Hi flowers, thanks for the reply! My confidence has definitely been affected and in more ways than one. Unfortunately we cannot do a shorter trip as my fiance is driving home a family member who lives far away to get in some more visiting time since they do not see each other often. I am scared if i don't fight the agoraphobia it will become a real problem, but i have moments and sometimes days where it is no biggie. I even woke up this morning and thought about this long trip coming up and my thought was 'no big deal' which would be my normal thought processes to something like this. I would normally be excited. Then my withdrawal brain kicked in and then came all the doomsday thoughts. lol. This is just unreal sometimes. I'm so glad you had a good window and took full advantage of it! Don't you wish we could schedule when our windows come?! That would be the day!

 

5 hours ago, Survivor1 said:

Hello Waiting,

 

I know things seem endless, but it will improve, just gotta hang in there and somehow go day by day.

 

When we are in WD, it is always easiest to stay in that safe place and not venture out.  I am going on vacation soon and am in no mood to, but my kids are home from school and are looking forward to it, so can't disappoint them.  I went on vacation last December when I was in a worse situation, and even though I managed, I was dying to come home, so I really don't know what to advise you ... if you decide to go, you will manage just fine, but you may be chomping at the bit to return.

 

Have a question: I see that you have developed tinnitus.  So have I and I find it very distressing.  When did yours start and have you seen any improvements.  I am trying to ignore it but those quiet times that I used to cherish have gone out the window...

 

All the best.

 

Hi survivor, thanks for the reply. I also went on a long vacation last summer when I was in CT withdrawal and had no idea what was going on. I tried to drink away the dizziness with alcohol (looking back this was a horrible idea) and avoided all the fun attractions of the vacation because I felt weird. This time at least I know whats going on, but i have to admit I feel A LOT worse today than I did a year ago (I had a couple failed re-instatements that did me no favors after that trip). You are so strong to go even if it is just for your kids. That says a lot about your character and I admire that. Everyone here is so darn strong. As for my tinnitus, it is loads better. I'm sorry you are dealing with it, it is not fun (especially at night). I probably only have it 25% or less of the time now. My whole last year was a blur of freaky things im not even really sure when it started, but I for sure had it by last December. Now when it happens it starts out loud and kind of startles me, but slowly fades over a fairly short period of time compared to before. Its to a point I could live with it if I had to. This weird chemical anxiety though.. .that has to go! I hope you get some quiet time soon.

[kcs72]

Hello...I just wanted to see if I could garner some hope and help coping with this horrific akathisia? I've had it now about 14 months-daily with no windows. I really feel I'm losing my mind and not sure how much longer I can hold on...Any ideas for coping or words of strength are welcomed.

[Waiting12]

5 hours ago, kcs72 said:

Hello...I just wanted to see if I could garner some hope and help coping with this horrific akathisia? I've had it now about 14 months-daily with no windows. I really feel I'm losing my mind and not sure how much longer I can hold on...Any ideas for coping or words of strength are welcomed.

 

Hi there, I am so sorry you are going through that. I know first hand how hard it is. There just aren't any words.

 

Firstly, I want you to know it gets better. There is an akathisia blog i read that helped explain things to me... i hope it is okay to post that here but it is a wordpress blog i found on google. Know that you aren't alone and that it is actually a common issue among people here on SA and on benzobuddies. When it gets better you won't even remember how bad it was... seriously. Take it hour by hour & day by day.

 

Things I did (& some I still do when feeling particularly bad) to cope....warm Epsom salt baths (& a lot of them), relaxing aromatherapy, nature sounds & yoga music, I felt like i could lay down still if my brain was stimulated or distracted so i did a lot of reading, reading a lot of success stories on here and on benzobuddies, reading uplifting quotes and positive coping statements, playing low stress games on my phone, brain training games, talking on the phone for distraction, doing housework, getting as much sleep as possible (black out curtains), crying made me feel better sometimes, going for walks, stretching or any type of exercise, being outside in nature, deep breathing, mindfulness, praying, distraction in anyway and a lot of the time just white knuckling it through the day.

 

Try to avoid unnecessary/ unneeded/ excessive stress, negativity, stimulants, sugar, caffeine etc... Most importantly get proper nutrition. Nutrition was a major struggle for me, but high protein and high calorie is what i focused on. I also remember a few members here reaching out to me during that time...Aberdeen stands out in my memory.. and it was SO comforting to know I wasn't alone and that these horrible feelings go away with time. Time is the answer as I am sure you know.

 

I still have restlessness a lot of the time that can come and go but the intensity is lowering as time passes. I haven't tried supplements so I can't help on that front. I hope you feel better soon! You can do it!

[kcs72]

Thank you for all the encouragement....it is sheer torture...I appreciate all of your helpful suggestions

[Waiting12]

I wanted to check in for a little positive update. I still have a TON of symptoms going on from my adverse reaction & subsequent CT nearly 7 months ago (I think only 6 symptoms have left so far), but feelings of love are starting to come back now. Its not all at once. It's more like a light switch off and on and its definitely more off than on, but I am taking this is a good hopeful sign of recovery. It has been a huge relief to myself and my fiance. He now knows that at some point I'll be myself again since my personality will randomly poke through here and there now. Not often, but it does happen now. Happy 4th of July (for the American folks) & I hope everyone is seeing improvements.

[Flowers]

27 minutes ago, Waiting12 said:

I wanted to check in for a little positive update. I still have a TON of symptoms going on from my adverse reaction & subsequent CT nearly 7 months ago (I think only 6 symptoms have left so far), but feelings of love are starting to come back now. Its not all at once. It's more like a light switch off and on and its definitely more off than on, but I am taking this is a good hopeful sign of recovery. It has been a huge relief to myself and my fiance. He now knows that at some point I'll be myself again since my personality will randomly poke through here and there now. Not often, but it does happen now. Happy 4th of July (for the American folks) & I hope everyone is seeing improvements.

That is great news Waiting. Love is what makes the world go around - or so they say!

 

Being able to feel emotions again is a big step in the right direction. So pleased for you and your fiance.

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

[powerback]

1 hour ago, Waiting12 said:

I wanted to check in for a little positive update. I still have a TON of symptoms going on from my adverse reaction & subsequent CT nearly 7 months ago (I think only 6 symptoms have left so far), but feelings of love are starting to come back now. Its not all at once. It's more like a light switch off and on and its definitely more off than on, but I am taking this is a good hopeful sign of recovery. It has been a huge relief to myself and my fiance. He now knows that at some point I'll be myself again since my personality will randomly poke through here and there now. Not often, but it does happen now. Happy 4th of July (for the American folks) & I hope everyone is seeing improvements.

good for you waiting ,in one myself ,I've had a great week with family and letting myself enjoy it ,withdrawal is such a demon we deserve all the best and peace we get ,getting goose pimples  listening to music here ,I'm so proud what I've got through in the last 6 months .

take care

PB

[Waiting12]

Thanks PB and flowers for the encouragement. I hope you both are seeing positive improvements.

 

I apologize in advance for being rather gloomy on this post but I am in need of a pep talk. I hit a fairly large setback about 10 days ago. I think it was caused by trying to do too much too soon. (4th of July, long boat rides, traveling etc)

 

I am 7 months out now. Could relief be just around the corner? Could this setback with old symptoms worsening be the last bad one or boost me into better healing? I am feeling so stuck! I have been seeing maybe 5-10% improvements each month with a worsening during my pms cycle, but this setback wasn't cycle related so it's out of the wd norm for me. 

 

Before this setback I would've thought I was about 50% better on a good day, now not so much. Insomnia is back along with intrusive thinking, restless feelings, & other bizzare mental & cognitive stuff. The constant chemical anxiety feeling is well.... constant. Blunted zombie emotions and man am I tired. 

 

I never had any of these symptoms before until 3 hours after trying to reinstate Zoloft last July. Altogether I have been sick from these meds for 17 months. 6 months of tolerable wd in early 2016 just dizziness and brain fog- but didn't know what the cause could be. Tried reinstating different meds for 5 months (this is when everything fell apart) and now 7 months of recovery. That seems like an eternity at my age when I'm watching my friends around me getting Into careers, getting married, starting families and I'm just a sitting duck. On a positive note I can say this isn't as bad as how I felt in January through march, but it's very discouraging to go backwards a bit. 

 

I get a lot of hope from a thread by a girl named lov4k9s since we have a common history. I think it took her about 14 months to feel good after her adverse reaction upon reinstating. I know I shouldn't compare stories but I'm trying to keep the hope alive. When is this darn nervous system going to settle down? I sincerely hope my next update is a good one. Maybe I'm closer than I think and just need a half time pep talk.... any coaches out there?

[powerback]

never apologise for a start ,we are so tough to put up with this living hell ,I'm particularly bad myself today ,very paranoid and constant intrusive thoughts[mindfulness helps me get out of it but vicious cycle ] ,anxiety off the scale ,yesterday I put so much energy into a walking meditation video just to get some peace in my head .

don't get me started on the comparing myself to peer groups ,I wonder if I was on the moon would withdrawl be quicker .

 

I've started making my own kefir lately and I'm questioning that also if it affects me

ide recommend just giving into the tiredness when you can ,fighting everything is hard ,I personally have cut exercise down ,I just do nice walks for now .

we got to believe were are  healing all the time buts its so hard sometimes .

I often dream of being "normal" in the future and having the silly annoyances  like who left the toilet seat up or fridge door open .I promise they wont when I'm well again.

Take great care and wishing you peace

PB