BuddhaMama: Intro

[BuddhaMama]

Thanks PH1 for your encouraging message. I held for a month at my last dose of 2.6 because I noticed that my symptoms were continuing (some worsening) after the 10 day and 2 week mark. Recently I was able to make an even larger cut (3.8%) without experiencing the usual symptoms that tell me I’ve cut too soon. I’m feeling like listening to my body is key. Every so often I get impatient again and then I remember how hard it would be to deal with insomnia and added anxiety, or worse, and that quickly takes me off my high horse and back to reality, as crummy as it seems, it could still be worse. Would I rather be done quickly but have symptoms that are way worse and that go on for months? Or be low-symptom for a longer time? The answer is always the same. Some people may prefer to do it the other way, but not me. 

Sending healing your way 🙏🏻

[ChessieCat]

On 10/3/2018 at 1:52 AM, BuddhaMama said:

I just want to be DONE.

 

Most of us feel the same way.  I was hoping to be finished by my 60th birthday this time last year.  I might be tapering for about another 2 years so will be about 63.  But I'd rather do it with minimal issues.

 

On 10/3/2018 at 1:52 AM, BuddhaMama said:

I’ve been tapering for 19 months and I cannot imagine having to drag out 2.5mg for a year or more.

 

It will take as long as it takes.  You can't make your brain adapt quicker than it can.

 

On 10/3/2018 at 1:52 AM, BuddhaMama said:

I don’t want to damage my nervous system

 

That's a good thing to remember to help you stay patient.

 

On 10/3/2018 at 1:52 AM, BuddhaMama said:

I’ve been pretty slow and steady this whole time, with minimal setbacks.

 

And that's great.  That's the way you want it to be.  And the way you want it to continue.

 

Impatience at times during a taper seems to hit all of us at some time.  However, it's important not to let the impatience get you to go faster than your brain is able to.  I've experienced it several times myself during the last 3 years of getting from 100mg to 6mg.   It can be helpful to remember how much you've reduced by instead of looking at how much longer it's going to take.  And remember it's got nothing to do with how strong we are as a person etc, it's our brain adapting and we have no control over that.

 

Many members find that the lower their dose gets the slower they need to go.  See:  Why taper paper: dose-occupancy curves

 

At different times during a taper off a drug the withdrawal symptoms can change:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made. 

[ChessieCat]

Just saw this posted on another member's topic:

 

9 hours ago, Gridley said:

Holding is making progress too--you are giving yourself time to heal.

 

[PH1]

Buddha, how’s it going these days for you?  I’m sure the end is in sight.   

All the best to you!

[BuddhaMama]

Hi PH, it’s going very well. I am so happy to be almost done. I drop from .75mg to .25mg in a little over a week, then hold for 4-6 weeks, then jump. The end of my taper has gone against the grain of what is recommended, but I have gradually experimented with different size decreases and found that now that I’m so low, I can cut a large amount and feel ok as long as I hold for several weeks. 

I still have symptoms, but they are pretty mild, and tolerable. I am most looking forward to losing this last 30lb! 

I plan to keep updating even after I’m done in order to share my success and give others hope. I now know how important certain lifestyle choices are to ones’ mental health. I think many of us get stuck in the psych med mess because we are in pain and a pill seems so easy. Changing our whole way of living is much harder, and even more daunting if you’re struggling with depression or anxiety. 

Thanks for checking in! 🙏🏻

[PH1]

BuddhaMama,  so glad things are going well for you!   Wow, down to 0.75 mg, way to go!    Your next drop sounds pretty big (to 0.25) and I hope that goes ok.   You are listening to your body and symptoms which is good.  You'll be off before you know it!

 

I'm micro-tapering off of two meds so I need to go very slowly with both.  My goal is to get off Mirtazapine first and have been dropping 0.1 mg every 3 weeks, which is working out pretty well.  I'm dropping about 0.1 mg of Lexapro every 3 weeks too in between the Mirt reductions.   As such I'll still be on both medications through 2020.

 

Keep us posted on how your next drop goes.  Cheering for you!

[BuddhaMama]

Just an update. I swear every time I'm on here I can't figure out how to edit my signature. 😑

Anyway, I made the jump from .25mg to 0 exactly one week ago. I was hesitant to go through with it, but I also knew it was time, and that I would be fine. As usual, I am experiencing symptoms (some of them new/different), but I am doing ok. 

These are all intermittent and relatively mild:

• hot spots/localized burning skin
• itching (random places all over my body)
• sweating/hot flashes
• dizziness/vertigo
• increased stress response (probably the hardest one to deal with)
• sudden drops in blood sugar (these are often combined with stress and feed off each other - Tulsi tea has been a miracle in helping with this.)
• sensitivity to light and sound and touch (lower pain tolerance)
• inability to orgasm (this happened a few times during my taper and was temporary thank goodness)
• weak leg muscles (I actually had difficulty walking last night-it was very strange, like one leg was flopping and I could barely feel what I was doing with it)
• photosensitivity (easily sunburned)
• acne on my face and red detox bumps in my armpits ad on my shoulders 
• nausea and stomachaches

I'm also still 30lb overweight. I really thought that when I jumped, the weight would just fall off. That has not been the case. Although it's only been one week. But I GAINED this weight rapidly in the beginning of taking this drug (literally within a week) so I hoped it would come off as quickly. Maybe in the next couple of weeks. I wish I knew. I wish I could just go back to my regular body. I've been doing regular Pilates work and clean eating for almost 2 years now, so you'd think the "pump was primed" so to speak. I've been trying to find success stories about weight loss after meds and I can't seem to find anything.

 

Unlike most Mirt peeps, I am sleeping ok. The first few nights were a little weird because I was so used to taking it that the knowledge that I wasn't taking it kind of psychologically threw me off. Also, I think the .25mg was actually still slightly contributing too sleep initiation. The progesterone I take helps make me drowsy, and tulsi tea helps too. But I haven't been able to go to bed any earlier than 11:30 most nights, which is strange for me, since most of my taper I was out by 9.

I'm sure things will settle. I'm relieved to be "done", but I won't really feel done until I have my body back. That will be cause for real celebration.

 

[Glosmom]

Congratulations on reaching zero! Best Wishes to you for continued healing! Glosmom

[PH1]

Congratulations!   That is great news!  I'm sure it will take a few more weeks for things to settle out since you tapered so slowly.  Keep us posted on how you are doing moving ahead!     I'm sure the weight will start to come off soon.  

[brassmonkey]

Congratulation BuddhaMama.  It's been a long ride but will be quite worth it.  There will still be some bumpiness for the next several months as the drug free healing gets into high gear, don't let the small swings throw you. 

 

All the best on your post "0" journey.

 

Brassmonkey

Edited June 27, 2019 by brassmonkey
Corrected Spelling

[Carmie]

Congratulations on reaching zero BM, 

 

Please keep us updated as to how you’re going. Your brain will now be trying hard to get back to equilibrium again. How wonderful when your brain is back to normal. Yay! 

 

I’ve still got a long way to go but it’s encouraging to read about others that are finally med free after doing slow tapers. 

 

I’d love to see how you tapered. I know you said you were having trouble with updating your signature. Just go to the Read This First Page and to the thread entitled: “Please Put Your Withdrawal History In Your Signature.” Thank you. If you’re struggling to put it in it might be that you’ve already used up too many lines. Just delete some of your earlier history. It would be very encouraging for others to see how you came off the meds. 

 

Look forward to the time you write your success story, sending hugs🤗

[ten0275]

BuddhaMama, congratulations!

 

Hang in there and I hope as you move further and further out into the drug-free pond, the rest of your symptoms are alleviated!

 

Dave

 

PS. I gained about 15lbs in the last stretch of my taper, so I understand. It's always the great unfair equation in weight gain/loss of any cause. You can spend 3 years in the gym sculpting the body you want and it only takes about a month of falling of the wagon to lose it Why can't that be the reversal? Why can't we spend 1 month getting fit and have it take 3 years to lose it?! Anyway, like you, the weight I gained is not something I'd like to keep. So also hoping that maintaining the diet, exercise, and now being Mirt-free will translate to a slide on the scale! It is ice cream season though, so I don't know, I may be in for a challenge!!!😀

[PH1]

How you doing these days, Buddhamama?   

[BuddhaMama]

Hi PH1, 

I’m doing pretty well considering what I was experiencing one week post jump.

I just re-read that post!

most of my WD symptoms have subsided. I still have the occasional hot flash and last night I had a terrifying nightmare. Sometimes I still feel dizzy, but I’d say for the most part, I feel like I’m healing for sure. 
I’m nearly 4 months off. I’ve lost another 10lbs (19 more to go!) and my cognitive function is returning. I’m feeling less and less fatigued. 
Sometimes I’m still in shock that I’m done and remembering everything I’ve gon through. 
I wish I’d never taken this drug in the first place, but we all know how useful those feelings are. 😐
I’m very happy to be free of the drug, but I still don’t feel free of the experience because of how it messed up my appearance. Will my body EVER return to normal? I keep shrinking but still retain this disgusting layer of fat around my middle that I’d never had in my life. Still the most frustrating thing considering how well I eat and exercise regularly.

🤷🏼‍♀️

[PH1]

On 10/11/2019 at 1:33 PM, BuddhaMama said:

Hi PH1, 

I’m doing pretty well considering what I was experiencing one week post jump.

I just re-read that post!

most of my WD symptoms have subsided. I still have the occasional hot flash and last night I had a terrifying nightmare. Sometimes I still feel dizzy, but I’d say for the most part, I feel like I’m healing for sure. 
I’m nearly 4 months off. I’ve lost another 10lbs (19 more to go!) and my cognitive function is returning. I’m feeling less and less fatigued. 
Sometimes I’m still in shock that I’m done and remembering everything I’ve gon through. 
I wish I’d never taken this drug in the first place, but we all know how useful those feelings are. 😐
I’m very happy to be free of the drug, but I still don’t feel free of the experience because of how it messed up my appearance. Will my body EVER return to normal? I keep shrinking but still retain this disgusting layer of fat around my middle that I’d never had in my life. Still the most frustrating thing considering how well I eat and exercise regularly.

🤷🏼‍♀️

BuddhaMama, so glad you are doing well.    You said you jumped at 0.75 mg of the mirt?    How long did the worst symptoms last after jumping off?    I’m impressed that you’ve dropped 20 pounds.   That’s great and quite an accomplishment!   

[BuddhaMama]

PH1, 

I didn’t jump at .75mg, it was.25mg. My withdrawal symptoms were really not that bad and lasted only about 3 weeks max. Honestly it wasn’t terrible. HOWEVER, I’m pretty sure my withdrawal was as minimal as it was because of how well I took care of myself and the changes I made to my diet. 

[PH1]

That is great to hear, BuddhaMama!   I agree that good diet is so important.