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blackhill4: Finally back :) withdrawal continues after 3 years 1 month

blackhill4

By blackhill4
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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Thank you pug but today was one of my worst ever, this day was horrible. I hope this wave is peaking so I can reach another window soon. At least I am able to sleep better right now, I also forgot to mention 16 months off now. Dominant symptoms: emotions and thoughts.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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Pugknows Newbie

Pugknows

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So sorry to hear you're still suffering so much after 16 months, Blackhill. Have you felt better throughout this time, as compared to the earlier days after cold turkey?

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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Pugknows Newbie

Pugknows

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Do you take any supplements? Any other meds?

January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain.

September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch.

January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch.

July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite.

August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again.

September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain.

October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps.

November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months.

December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable.

March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime.

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Actually pug this is the worst I have ever felt, worse then the meds and early cold turkey. But some things have gotten better when others got worse, so I guess that's a good thing even though the changes hurt badly. Tonight slight dysphoria, sever akathisia and then severe weakness, I hope I get a good day since I can count my good days on one hand.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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The last medication I took was Ativan on march 9th but I am trying to avoid it at the advice of some people suffering with benzo problems. I take magnesium and used to be able to take fish oil but when my sensitivities went up, can't take it anymore. I forgot to tell everyone my paxil dosage, 40 mg went to 30 for a few weeks but then had to stop because I was afraid of how sick the paxil made me.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

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Sorry your feeling bad xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Tonight is just... wow. Haven't felt this terrible in weeks :(. My emotions are telling me to end it, but I don't want to. Then a few mins later I forget that I thought that way. This will pass it always does, because earlier in the day was good until about 7pm. Then the akathisia hit and everything sucked after that. One good thing is at least every second isn't unbearable like it was before. Praying for help until this passes.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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luv2knit Newbie

luv2knit

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Sorry, blackhill. The akathisia is really difficult to live with :( Hope this passes for you soon

Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day).

Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired)

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Woke up feeling anxious and weird so decided to come here. Today wasn't as bad I noticed (but not good either) feeling a bit bad right now though.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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Fresh Newbie

Fresh

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Hi Blackhill ,  is it the middle of the night where you are?

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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luv2knit Newbie

luv2knit

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Hope you're hanging in there, blackhill!

Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day).

Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired)

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Last few days psychological stuff has been severe. Getting a lot of disturbing/bizarre thoughts, lots of confusion and weird urges. Dealing with it by trying to distract myself, difficult but doable. At least every second isn't a living hell like in February though, one thing that helps is knowing the worse I feel the more my body is healing even if it is hell.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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Nathalou Newbie

Nathalou

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BLACKHILL, hang in there! akathisia is just hell on earth, I sympathize greatly with you. are you still taking the lorazepam? do you feel any improvement and do you have some waves and windows pattern? 

 

this is an interesting blog on all things akathisia-linked.

the author recovered from full-blown severe akathisia.

https://akathisiainfo.wordpress.com/

2008-2014: various doses of Sertraline between 25-150mg. Put on it initially for very mild anxiety.

Occasionnally Xanax 0.25mg, maybe twice a month.

Summer 2014: much too rapid taper off Sertraline (had no clue about withdrawal) from 25mg to nothing in about two months.

September 2014: last Sertraline pill.
End november 2014: begin WD symptoms (severe headaches, nausea, dizziness, lightheadedness, zaps, head/face/ear pressure, severe debilitating anxiety and insomnia, muscle pains and spasm,..) 

Begin february 2015: had developed what I now know is akathisia, arrived at the psych ER severly sleep deprived. Put on a drug regimen consisting of: Sertraline 25mg, Trazolan 100 mg for sleep and Temesta 2,5 when needed.

Had a severe adverse reaction to the Sertraline reinstatement and became acutely suicidal within days. Akathisia and all physical symptoms became worse. Doctor pushed the doses further up until I, in a moment of lucidity, found a psychiatrist who believed me when I said I was in WD.

Mid march 2015: off all psych meds. Suicidal thoughts diminshed greatly, insomnia got somewhat better but akathisia is still relentless and physical symptoms quite debilitating. At least drugs are out of my system and healing can finally commence.

I avoid coffee, alcohol and exercise and am not taking any supplements whatsoever. I am just leaving my body and brain to be.

 

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Nat is the psychological stuff akathisia? And I have windows but my last one was about 3 weeks ago, it lasted almost 24 hours. I feel some improvement yes, but when the akathisia and emotions died down mental stuff got REAL bad, that stuff can get scary. Tonight was terrible, bad dysphoria and the thoughts got bad, it died down a bit at least.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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After seeing the link Nat provided I realise ALL these symptoms or at least most are because of akathisia. I really underestimated this horrible symptom and realise my withdrawal was much easier before it showed up ( at about a year).

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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Nathalou Newbie

Nathalou

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Yes, akathisia is a nightmare. I don't know if it's psychological, i'm no expert :) it's all very intertwined though i believe... Prating for outlr quick recovery

2008-2014: various doses of Sertraline between 25-150mg. Put on it initially for very mild anxiety.

Occasionnally Xanax 0.25mg, maybe twice a month.

Summer 2014: much too rapid taper off Sertraline (had no clue about withdrawal) from 25mg to nothing in about two months.

September 2014: last Sertraline pill.
End november 2014: begin WD symptoms (severe headaches, nausea, dizziness, lightheadedness, zaps, head/face/ear pressure, severe debilitating anxiety and insomnia, muscle pains and spasm,..) 

Begin february 2015: had developed what I now know is akathisia, arrived at the psych ER severly sleep deprived. Put on a drug regimen consisting of: Sertraline 25mg, Trazolan 100 mg for sleep and Temesta 2,5 when needed.

Had a severe adverse reaction to the Sertraline reinstatement and became acutely suicidal within days. Akathisia and all physical symptoms became worse. Doctor pushed the doses further up until I, in a moment of lucidity, found a psychiatrist who believed me when I said I was in WD.

Mid march 2015: off all psych meds. Suicidal thoughts diminshed greatly, insomnia got somewhat better but akathisia is still relentless and physical symptoms quite debilitating. At least drugs are out of my system and healing can finally commence.

I avoid coffee, alcohol and exercise and am not taking any supplements whatsoever. I am just leaving my body and brain to be.

 

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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The whole feeling of needing to escape is something I didn't know was akathisia related. And the wanting to tear my skin off or do really weird or scary stuff, also wanting to run away. I'm glad I know what is causing that stuff now.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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I have a few questions for anyone who may know. How is dental freezing stuff for wd? Also is honey all right for eating? My birthday is coming up and can't eat regular cake. Also is burning in the face and head normal? It also gets red like my chest, anyway thanks.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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Fresh Newbie

Fresh

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I don't know about dental freezing , but honey is very good for you , so long as your tum doesn't object.

 

You might be able to have a bit if banana or carrot cake.   No need to miss out entirely   :)

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Songbird Rookie

Songbird

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What people react badly to is very individual.  If you are worried about eating a particular food, try a small amount first to see how your system reacts to it.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Yeah songbird, I had pizza yesterday but it makes me cough, that's how I know it's bad. I can eat olives but not pickles and as many hot peppers as I want, so it does seem the body becomes very choosy during wd/recovery.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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I haven't been on in a while because I have been very busy. Anyway I think that I may be closer to recovering than I thought. I realise I have seen a lot of improvement in the last two months, the strange feelings seem to be disappearing. However still lots of floaters and thoughts are still bad. I was playing a new game on ps4 today and noticed I was able to almost fully focus on it, had a lot of fun too. I am in a wave right now though, it can get bad at times but I am now 17 months off. I can remember hemeostasis again which I think is promising.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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Petunia Newbie

Petunia

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That's great to hear blackhill, you're sounding much better than you were just a month ago.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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coldturkmama Contributor

coldturkmama

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Awesome! I've had more good days than bad recently, and I'm 18 months out. We will win!

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Having a pretty bad day today, pretty hellish actually. Is it normal to feel like a totally different person? I now have no social anxiety, am very forward and confident. These are very strange for me and make me very uncomfortable, kind of like my body knows it is unnatural for me. Also reality feels altered, like I am in a different universe and bright rooms look very strange. Will all this go away? These symptoms are ones I have had since having a bad reaction but they bother me because they have not changed much if at all. Is 17 months still early? Being young is supposed to mean faster recovery but my positive attitude was stomped by a hellish week and I get scared still having severe symptoms for so long. Just want to feel better but it never comes... Trying to be positive but it's hard right now.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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Fresh Newbie

Fresh

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All the symptoms that are really weird should go away Blackhill.  Unfortunately 17 months is till early days.  Sounds like it's windows and waves at the moment.

Try checking out "derealisation" and "depersonalization" , they may be what you're describing.

 

Happy birthday!   Hope a big window is on it's way. :P

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Still feeling terrible and saying things I wouldn't normally say, still thinking about terrible things all the time. 20 months of hell on earth, at 28 years old wondering how much more of my life will be stolen from me... :(. Wondering if I can make it to 2 years, probably will be the same too. It's hard to find hope when you feel mentally unstable for so long... Here's to hoping tomorrow will be "better" but even my windows are either too short or give very little relief.

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

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Here's hoping for you too, black hill.

 

Best wishes and healing to you.

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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  • 2 weeks later...
blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Bad night but the day was alright. Don't come here enough when I am feeling better. Anyway still having horrible thoughts and bouts of confusion and disorientation, still feel dangerous and weird. Hoping I will feel better after some sleep...

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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westcoast Newbie

westcoast

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Hi Blackhill. I remember being online with you the night you went to the hospital, and was happy that it worked out.

 

Your sig file says this: "Hospital admission on march 2 2015, given Ativan, akithisia is calmed somewhat (much more bareable) for now." Was the Ativan connected the the improvement in Akathisia?

 

On the hospitsl night, you also felt dangerous, or something similar. Your sig line looks pretty good, but recent posts suggest you're suffering. If so you might want to tell someone in real life, if you haven't already.

 

I does sound like sleep would be good for you now. How much sleep do you get?

 

Also, do you use any other drugs--including prescribed, street, caffeine, nicotine, or medical pot? Just wondering because lots of things can affect sleep and some of them can create symptoms like yours. (You can message me if you want.)

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

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I think it's good and healthy to not come here when your feeling better. When your recovered you will be out living life ;)

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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  • 4 months later...
Purplestars22 Newbie

Purplestars22

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Hello Blackhill, I was reading a post that you wrote on someone's thread and I have some of the symptoms that you mentioned and was wondering how are you doing?

Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety

Failed attempt to stop reinstated

1 year taper skipping doses

Celexa free 12/2013

1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day

Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only

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KT38 Newbie

KT38

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Your story struck a chord as you sound like me (see my signature).  I am in month 8 and still suffering horribly (had been getting worse).  How are you doing now? 

Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus).

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  • 9 months later...
KT38 Newbie

KT38

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How are you doing blackhill?

Dec 2014 I tried Zoloft 25mg for one week (adverse reaction - extreme anxiety and felt like I was on an amphetamine). Dr. said to quit cold turkey, so I not only quit Zoloft but also 2 weeks of Xanax .25mg -- extreme dizziness, hyperarousal and anxiety began! On Jan. 29, 2015 my psychiatrist put me on new stuff and this is how my next 2 months and 7 days looked like (I was having the same bad reactions to all of these):Effexor XR 37.5mg (3 days) - throwing up, heart palpations, night tremors/convulsions or something where whole body shakes for a second, Prozac 10mg (15 days), Prozac 20mg (7 days) - internal restlessness, electric current through body/brain (not zaps), agitation, intense fear and could no longer nap at this point (still can't today because of this), Lexapro 5mg (4 days) - same as Prozac, a horror show...extreme internal agitation, Lexapro 7.5mg (2 days), Lexapro 10mg (16 days), Zoloft 12.5mg (3 days)...she said try it again since my blood relative does well on it, Zoloft 25mg (7 days) - same as before and getting worse!! Zoloft 50mg (6 days), Zoloft 25mg (4 days and then came off cold turkey on April 8, 2015). I used Xanax .25mg about 7 times per month through all of this until June 30, 2015 (my last benzo dose). Extreme anxiety, nervous system traumatized, mental akathisia, anger triggered by nothing but the brain totally going off on its own, feeling of a pressurized electric current going through me like my brain and body are trying to explode, stress reaction x10000 to everything, waking in terror lasting all day, fear, very sensitive, brain can't keep up, don't know what to do with myself, feeling like everything is going too fast and I can't keep up, helium head, deep depression like something is ripping out my soul, out of my mind, can hardly drive or be alone, cognitive issues, simple tasks are so complex and straining, feel disturbed because the brain can't process anything right even though your brain tries so hard and it makes you go mad, episodes of deep anguish with a sick toxic poison feeling (like you have some unknown virus).

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  • 3 months later...
blackhill4 Newbie

blackhill4

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Been away a very long time. I lost my old email and laptop and had some other issues that prevented me from coming here. Three years into withdrawal from paxil/citalopram and still recovering from bad reactions to both as well. Huge improvement over the time i have been away however

Paxil 2007-2012, somnolence for a few months so quit, anxiety gets severe again, put on citalopram (horrible reaction). Used august 2013-September 2013, quit and doctor reinstates paxil (reaction again ) on from sep to dec. Quit cold turkey and suffer problems to this day

 

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nz11 Newbie

nz11

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Well for the first time in a long time i'd like to say thanks for posting.

 

Glad you are having improvements. It sure is a long journey isnt it.

 

welcome

nz11

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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