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Temperance: Greetings from Temperance


Temperance

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Hi

My name is Lucy ******, I am 46 and live alone with my 5 cats in a small North Yorkshire village. I used to work in health care but had many other pressures going on in my life. I left my partner in 1997 and moved flat and started a new job. I didn't cope so went to my GP who gave me Prozac. In time I developed side effects of insomnia, acid stomach and a general feeling of being 'wired' all the time. I stitched to Seroxat but felt drugged and kind of 'high' In time I developed self harm and depression, losing interest in things with a general feeling of apathy. I went to A&E with my self harm, got referred to a psych doc who I told I thought it was the Seroxat, but he dismissed my concerns and put the dose up. I was not really fit to drive. I continued to make bad decisions and to behave inappropriately and self harm so sought relief from alternative treatment which made me reaslie just how dehumanizing and deadening the ssri were making me so I stopped. My sister had stopped her seroxat within a week and was ok so I felt no need to taper.

 

I take full responsibility for not doing to, but had I done so, my withdrawal may well have been diagnosed as depression and I probably would have gon straight back on them. Anyway, I went into mania with some psychotic features and was sectioned. I was given a diagnosis of bipolar 1. I appealed the section and the tribunal stated they did not believe I was suffering from any mental illness nor should I be detained. I was allowed to go home but pressurred to continue taking the Zyprexa. Over th next year I had horrific vomitting, sweating, psychological disturbances, digestive problems, I couldn't keep food down, lost loads of weight, had 2 more stays on the ward after a failed suicide attempt. I didin't want to stop living, but I couldn't tolerate the withdrawals which were being treated as mental illness with various anti-psychotic drugs. I could have died from this gross negligence. I have put in a 5 page complaint about the whole affair. Over the next five years from 2005 I tried various mood stabilisers, joined groups and still the bipolar didn't sit right with me. Eventually I went back to my herbal remedy, quit the zyprexa and then the sertraline. I had another manic episode and as sectioned again last year. I knew this time it was definately the ssri that did it and I was force drugged on the ward, threatened with injections and deprived of my liberty. My human rights were violated and the psychiatrists lied and knew it was the drugs,I've no doubt.

 

There are loads more details to add but they would take up too much space. Now I'm off anti-depressants for 1 year, still having dreadful daily mood crashes with awful crying and dreadful despair and emotional disturbance. I had a ruptued breast implant which was mis-handled so my health has suffered from that too. I'm on 3 types of pain killers for a problem with some lower abdominal surgery I had some years ago and can't manage without diazepam. I'm prescribed 2mg to take 1 or 2 as required. This barely helps. I'm trying to get Bedrocan from Holland. I've been diagnosed as suffering post traumatic stress, but so far no appointment for counselling. I feel I'm still having to fight every inch to get myself sorted. It's a nightmare. I don't know what to do anymore. I hope these awful feelings go soon, I'm worn out with it.

Edited by baroquep
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Welcome Lucy.

 

Your story sounds dreadful and yet typical of what we have all been "handed" in our search to feel good and be well. You are in good company here as some of us are tapering and some have already gotten off the meds as you but continue to have protracted withdrawal symptoms.

 

I hope you might check the thread on symptoms as it may offer you some ideas to minimize the anxiety you are continuing to have:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-what-helps/

 

I hope you will continue to read and post here as you will find that we are all fighting the same battle here. This site has been like "coming home" for me as it is specifically for what we face each day.

 

You are a strong person to have gotten through the things you spoke of in your intro. You can get through this, and no, it has nothing to do with "bipolar" or insanity (other than the insanity of the psychiatric community and the pharmaceutical industry) but with getting chemicals out of your system that doctors should never have given any of us.

 

My best to you. Crocus

xxxx

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Hi Lucy. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear all the trouble you've had to endure. I know many of us know about these things all too well. This is a good support community and I'm glad you joined us. Blessings.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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Hi Lucy,

You've certainly been through alot. You'll be glad that you found this group. Alot of good people with alot of bad experience w psychiatry.

Sorry this welcome isn't more enthusiastic. Having a rough day.

 

Barb

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Hi Lucy,

 

Welcome.

 

I was cringing at your accounts of your forced hospitalization and drugging. What a horrifying experience.

 

I am sure your pain issues are also contributing greatly to your overall problems. My heart goes out to you.

 

Is there a time frame for getting an appointment with a counselor which would probably greatly help assuming the person is competent?

 

CS

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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  • Administrator

Welcome, Lucy. (I changed your name to protect your privacy.)

 

I am so sorry you have been having these problems for so long. Unfortunately, misdiagnosis and mistreatment of withdrawal is all too common.

 

It sounds to me like antidepressants and your nervous system never did get along. I agree with you, I can't see how the antipsychotics are going to help.

 

Thank you for joining our community. I hope you find friends and comfort here in your journey to health.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 3 months later...

Dear Fellow Sufferers

 

I am so worn out with grief & crying, and feelings of harrowing distress that i don't know where to put myself. I've been off Zoloft & Zyprexa for 1.5-2 years but every morning, or as soon as i get up from lying still and quiety in bed I have a massive emotional breakdown. It's alwasy after sleep and usually gone by evening and better by nighttime. I am crawling up the walls every day watching my home continue neglected and my person slowly rot as it's relentless. I've had a hole eroded in my chest muscle by a non pip breast implant (a nagor one from the nhs) ((they all contain industrial chemicals you just try getting them to tell you what's in them and see how far you get))

 

I have urological damage caused by leaked chemcials and connective tissue & nerve damage, tinitus I never had before numbing of my fingers and right leg plus many other well known but not well acknowledged injuries. I am taking morphine for pain under my skin and in my muscles, bones & joints,spine, neck and back as well as Kapake & Tramadol which I think works on brain receptors, but the daily emotional breakdowns are regular as clockwork, I see no hope, am too exhausted to do much and the only remedy which knocks all my symptoms on the head with in spectacular style in controlled doses of ingested marijuana, the more heritage strians not the hybrids which are way too trippy, but not wanting to be labelled a criminal, I have had to stop my treatment with medical marijuana.

 

I've tried Valarian, Passiflora, Hops, Wild Lettuce, Kratom, Kava Kava, 5-htp but nothing has stopped it like the above ^^. I've written to my MP, the HOme Office, the Health Secretary, my GP, nobody is willing to help me and i've been like this for 7 years only improving when I broke the law. Now months using only legal remedies I am starting to get to the point where the emotional tension, despair and grief are so intolerable I've self-harmed once more, the first time since 2009. I'm at my wits end and my existence is slowly disintegrating where I don't feel I'll ever be free of these symptoms.

 

I have Diazepam 2mg which I am chucking down my neck but which only make me sleep. If I let my Doc see me in the state I get in, he would be unmoved and probalby put me back in the hands of mental health who violated my human rights.

 

I knew using 5-htp was risky, is there anyone else who has symptoms like mine (them emotional/psychological ones) and if so please tell me what helps. OR can you recommend me a Doctor who will prescribe Bedrocan so I can live again?

I have attached a couple of files which might be interesting to some. God save you all.xxx

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If it were me, and the THC was helping my WD that much, I wouldn't care if it was illegal lol. I don't know if you're in a state where you can get a script for it. I believe the THC is healing.

 

I recommend everyone; see a homeopath! The homeopathy doesn't aggravate my symptoms at all, it is totally compatible with the WD and any drugs.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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  • Administrator

Temperance, I am sorry to hear of your suffering.

 

It sounds like you may be experiencing what we call neuro-emotion from withdrawal syndrome. This can be very intense waves of anxiety or deep, deep sadness.

 

You have it in the morning when cortisol is highest. Cortisol is the stress hormone that triggers these neuro-emotions.

 

In withdrawal syndrome, our systems are hyper-sensitized and the normal daily cortisol rhythm can be exaggerated, often causing strong unpleasant symptoms in the early morning.

 

There are many topics on this site discussing gentle ways of reducing the cortisol spikes. One way may be to reduce early morning light, which triggers the cortisol peak. Blackout curtains or shades on your windows and a sleep mask can help.

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) can help your nervous system to recover, if you're not too sensitive to take it. It is also good for your overall health.

 

Acupuncture can also help calm the nervous system.

 

You may also have low vitamin B12 or vitamin D3. It can help to, very carefully, take a little of either of these supplements and see if they help.

 

We also recommend psychotherapeutic techniques to cope with symptoms, such as described in http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/846-change-the-channel-dealing-with-cognitive-symptoms/page__p__7274__hl__%2Bchange+%2Bchannel__fromsearch__1#entry7274. Many of us are doing this.

 

I agree with Shanti, if a specific herb helps, utilize it.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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:( I'm sorry to hear about your daily struggle. The name tramadal sounds kinda familiar to me *pauses for thought*....Now I remember why (did a quick wiki) it's because I was taking them shortly before I went on vacation (jail). I was taking them almost daily, as well as seroquel. I wasn't prescribed these. I do know Seroquel is horrible for your neural receptors and releases a lot of serotonin yet does nothing to replace the amount emptied. Tramadol is addiction building, which is why I ultimately stopped taking it.

 

I ended up being prescribed Thorazine while being on vacation, I'm not sure why they ended up giving me that, their excuse was "we cannot give Xanax". I of course didn't take these that far down the path, they were prescribing me 150mg of Thorazine a day. I didn't like the side effects, and just decided to stay in my bed and read novels like the Iliad so i wouldn't have to deal with my social-phobia, and anxiety. I have SAD and ASD, and typically have been prescribed anti-depressants/anti-anxiety and haven't liked any of them. Most were habit forming, and others held side effects. I found that I was needing to take more and more Xanax a day, and started blacking out from the amount I ended up taking. As for the Thorazine, well that just made me pass out when I took the full dosage and even a third would make me so drowsy that I wouldn't be able to do much more than sit and watch TV (try doing that all day everyday). I'm currently taking Piracetam, and it has been helping me a bit. I still don't trust people....and have a hard time doing so...but that is something that helps me stay out of trouble.

 

My advice follows suit with the poster above me, take B complex vitamins maybe even some Choline. Pharmaceuticals often work in treating one aspect, but increasing another. Such as depleting serotonin and dopamine, with out replacing them. And doctors seem to NEVER tell anyone about this! If you are taking any psychiatric drug you need to look into HOW it WORKS SCIENTIFICALLY and see what you might need to do, such as taking a supplement or vitamin.

 

I hope everything is going okay for you, and that maybe somewhere in my long tirade you found something helpful or motivating.

3800mg of Piracetam daily to help with my anxiety and memory issues.

 

"It isn't your destination that others will look at and take notice of, but how you got there."

-5hadow12ogue

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  • Administrator

Just a note, 5hadow -- SAD responds well to light therapy. You might want to try that. We have some topics on it here.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Just a note, 5hadow -- SAD responds well to light therapy. You might want to try that. We have some topics on it here.

 

I think you're confusing the seasonal depression...with what I call SAD, Social Anxiety Disorder. But thank you! But any helpful threads, I would very much appreciate!

3800mg of Piracetam daily to help with my anxiety and memory issues.

 

"It isn't your destination that others will look at and take notice of, but how you got there."

-5hadow12ogue

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  • Administrator

There's a lot of controversy about whether social anxiety disorder actually exists, or whether it was invented to sell Paxil. There's a book about this, Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness, see http://www.christopherlane.org/paxil_papers.html

 

See Psychotherapeutic techniques to cope with withdrawal

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I'm pretty sure it's a disorder. I haven't read the book but I will look into it soon. I have anxiety when around people or strangers, it isn't shyness that I'm experiencing it is sweaty palms, panic attacks, irregular heartbeats, and irritability.

 

 

:/

3800mg of Piracetam daily to help with my anxiety and memory issues.

 

"It isn't your destination that others will look at and take notice of, but how you got there."

-5hadow12ogue

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  • 4 months later...

Coming up to 24 months since the dreadful Zoloft withdrawal induced mania...it's been so slow & I know it's awful but the apathy & suicidal feelings are still with me. If I use the remedy that helps, I'm ostracised by my friends & labelled a criminal by the state, if I don't, I find i have to rely on pain killing medication. The horrible mood crashes of utter horror which developed whilst taking zoloft return. My will is so blunted in trying to fight for my life over the last 5 years, that I don't have much of it left anymore. What does one do then? I never felt so capable of ending my suffering, were it not for beloved pets I have to look after, I don't think I'd hand around much longer. Nothing is helping, it's like the anti-depressants have changed my emotional state into a permanent nightmare...

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  • Administrator

Temperance, I moved your post here, I hope that's all right.

 

Please persevere. I know it's difficult but it does, very gradually, improve.

 

Keep your dear animals in mind, your loving feelings for them will help you heal.

 

Did you recover completely from the abdominal problem? Is that still bothering you?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Good Heavens....

 

With all of the medications you were given, no wonder you feel the way you do. I agree with you totally about the meds causing each and every problem you encountered which were all adverse reactions to the meds that were over-prescribing.

 

It's heartbreaking to see what you have had to endure. You are alot stronger than you feel right now.

 

Taking a benzo and pain killers will bring on depression. I understand taking them. You have been thru far too much.

 

If you manageed to get off all of those other medications, you can probably wean down from these too. I don't know how to do that. Someone else will be along to help you with that information.

 

I wish there were some way to get you stabilized to improve your sadness. My thinking is limited in this area as I don't know much about medication contraindictions.

 

I am sending some prayers your way....

 

Hang in there...

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1902-nikki-hi-my-rundown-with-ads/

 

Paxil 1997-2004

Crossed over to Lexapro Paxil not available

at Pharmacies GSK halted deliveries

Lexapro 40mgs

Lexapro taper (2years)

Imipramine

Imipramine and Celexa

Now Nefazadone/Imipramine 50mgs. each

45mgs. Serzone  50mgs. Imipramine

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Were it not for beloved pets I have to look after, I don't think I'd hand around much longer. Nothing is helping, it's like the anti-depressants have changed my emotional state into a permanent nightmare...

 

Hi Lucy, I'm glad your your pets give you a reason to keep fighting. My feline is a source of comfort to me, and I can imagine your squiqqly furballs must be a delight. Your post makes me realize how fortunate I am to have found forums that helped me taper off medications and so spared me from the type of trauma you experienced. My heart goes out to you... Posted ImageMany hugs and warm thoughts.~G

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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  • 5 years later...

Lucy how are you?

Cold turkeyed risperidone (1m.g)and trihexyphenidyl combination drug out of ignorance,In August 2016 after one month use.

Withdrawal symptoms settled at dreamful,disturbing sleep.

Thus introduced to olanzapine for sleep.Started using olanzapine out of ignorance.

Tapering olanzapine 10 m.g from February 2017.

May 2018 :Still suffering dreams,Still tapering olanzapine at 0.625.100ml water+2.5 mg olanzapine. June 2018 22.5ml=0.57mg.July 2018 20ml,August 2018-17.5ml,September 2018-15ml,October 2018 10 ml,December 2018 7 ml, BrassMonkey slide method so far at lower doses.2 nd December cold turkeyed , only to reach minure doses as reinstatement to cutshort endless tapering process.4rth December started 1ml.

Almost no symptoms and sleep is better,So started 0.5 ml from 17-12-2018.

"0"from31-12-18.Re birth happened from 10- 2020,as rejuvenation took whole2019.Completely recovered now.

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