Jayjohnny: 2 yrs 8 months off psych drugs ~80% healed!

[Jayjohnny]

Hi all, been on this site before and I just wanted to say that long term protracted withdrawal can and does get better. As hard as it was for me to imagine improving as much as I have in the last 4 months, serious improvement is possible!! I'm living proof of it. This is an awful condition I wouldn't wish on anyone or anything. It's been said before and you can add me to the list!!

 

But there's light at the end of the initial and intermediate tunnel filled with pitch darkness and often disabling anxiety It's called brain and neuro plasticity! Only time can heal this condition. Around a year ago I thought healing simply wasn't possible. I was that bad off. But indeed it is! As I continue to heal, i feel like I am finally getting my life back again. The simple task of driving or even going into a store is finally becoming routine like the way it used to be for me prior to taking these mind altering drugs.

 

Luckily, I am only in my early 30s and not in my 40s or 50s dealing with this. I truly sympathize and feel awful for those who are. And for those of all ages who will experience this in their life at some point. Let's not forget, SSRI drug trials only last for 6 to 8 months typically. And yet we have psych doctors placing their patients on them for years and years-sometimes decades!! In short, these are drugs ONLY meant to be used short term...such as one woud with an antibiotic. But as a young man in his 20's did my doctor inform me of this?? Of course not!! I will never be going back on the drugs... I don't care how bad I'm feeling.

Edited January 7, 2017 by scallywag
paragraph breaks added

[LexAnger]

Thank you so much jayjonney for coming back and posting the most wonderful update!

Congratulations to the victory! I'm so so happy for you getting your life bacK!

 

This is so encouraging and inspiring! It gave hope to everyone still on the road.

 

Can you let us know your meds and tapering details?

Best wishes to your speedy full recovery!

 

Lex

[AliG]

Hi Jayjohnny. Thanks for coming back to update your progress. Congratulations on your success so far. That's great news .

 

You said you've been on this site before. It would be nice to link this update to your original Introduction thread. Did you have the same user name ? If not let us know what it was before and we can possibly add this to your old thread for continuity. It sounds like a success story is just around the corner.

 

Welcome back.

Ali

[Jayjohnny]

Thank you for your responses:) My drug history started in 2005 when I began to try and find something, anything, that would work for my depression and anxiety symptoms that were moderate or slightly above moderate. With my reckless psychiatrist's approval, he let me switch from one drug to another considering how I rarely responded to any of them. Again, why are these docs allowed to do this considering FDA ssri drug trials only last for 6 months? How the hell would they know what can happen to someone taking them for years?? Moreover, each had side effects which I didn't care to deal with. For around 9 years, up until May 2014, I could take these poisons, even with the side effects, as though they were candy. But something soon went haywire???? I began to have disabling symptoms. In short, the recovery process entails essentially learning to live all over again . The most simple daily routines can become agonizingly difficult. But it DOES get better!! Always remember this. And I must also state that looking back now, these drugs induced in me a FAR worse state of depression and anxiety than I ever had before starting the poisons. And people who have the condition know that during neuroplasticity, in order for one's brain and nervous system to heal and become fairly normal again, things get a lot worse than one could ever imagine!! Words can't describe the agony!! I know I'm not alone in this regard or experience. Far from it!!

[Jayjohnny]

I lost access to my prior account just for the record but wanted to give some people hope by sharing my recovery story. Again, I'm much better but still have some strides to make!! There's nothing in the world like beginning to see and feel the sun again...like one is being born again!!

[Mort81]

Wow Johnny amazing! So happy you came back to tell us. What drug did you take? In 4 months it went from hell to amazing?

[Jayjohnny]

Yes it pretty much did for me! I've had the longest window of relief and I am loving every minute of it after dealing with this condition for over 2 and 1/2 yrs????Things could have been much worse but people who've never experienced it have no idea how bad it can get. The waiting game is probably the hardest part of it all. Unless I'm mistaken, there is no drug to lessen the severe symptoms. We have detox programs and clinics for illegal street drugs but why do we not have the same for these psych poisons of which can cause longer and even worse withdrawal symptoms in some cases!!

 

I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again, however. And want to give hope to those who still have a long way to go. I was in the same boat just around 5 months ago. It's pure willpower considering one is not just dealing with severe withdrawals but with severe depression and anxiety as well in many cases.

 

I essentially tried every drug on the market. Some two or three times over the span of 9 years. You name it I tried it. To be frank, these drugs turned a once nice and sweet young man into, at times, feeling like a complete psychopath filled with paranoid delusions and incapable of experiencing any type of emotion including remorse. Luckily, I am just now beginning to feel some kind of emotion as I almost always had prior to taking these SSRI poisons!! If these drugs can do this to me they can to anyone. Ineed it's scary to think about even to this day!

[Mort81]

Incredible story Johnny, we're most of your symptoms emotional like anxiety, depression, emotions etc...? Or did you get hit with the physical ones aswell?

[Jayjohnny]

Incredible story Johnny, we're most of your symptoms emotional like anxiety, depression, emotions etc...? Or did you get hit with the physical ones aswell?

 

Actually, over the last 2 1/2 years my symptoms included immense head pressure, seeing halos and strange lights in my vision 24/7, vertigo, this sort of chemical overload feeling, as if I was on an xtremely high dose of something even though I wasn't taking anything!

 

But yes a worsening of anxiety depression and some paranoid thoughts have been present for those 2 1/2 years. Again, I am just beginning to feel myself again. It's a truly wonderful feeling. Like a gift from a higher power, or being reborn. Anyhow, what I do know is that these drug poisons changed me entirely as a person during all those years and in my heavy withdrawal phase. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. To not feel any real emotions for so long--pain or pleasure in the slightest is truly inhuman and awful. I was never like that beforehand. Rarely if ever! I became hateful, paranoid, and at times even delusional. Said and did things that simply weren't me. Mind altering drugs to say the least!!

[Mort81]

Wow did the head pressure and dizzyness incapacitate you? Because that's how I am now. Must be like waking up from a nightmare. Make sure when you are fully healed to write a full recovery story, I have no doubt it will be soon

[Mort81]

Did you work or function through any of this?

[Jayjohnny]

Absolutely it did! I rarely had any serious windows of relief during those 2 1/2 years. Perhaps a few hours at most each day. Places I used to routinely drive to became disabling journeys. I could barely walk into a store without feeling as though everyone was watching me or scrutinizing me at every moment. I rarely had these feelings prior to starting the drugs! Everything, and I mean everything, was off in me!! I became, naturally, reclusive for the most part. To make matters worse, I was forced to work in a fairly large retail shopping center during the beginning of my severe withdrawal phase. For anyone in a deep depressive state or going through severe withdrawal, the simple task of trying to act in public or anywhere is painstakingly agonizing! It takes a tremendous amount of willpower as many of us know just to act and make it out of the house! Like others, I sought help from doctors and informed them of my symptoms. Most gave me the blank stare look. Only one, a younger doctor, suggested I was probably in heavy withdrawal. Had a bunch of blood work and brain scan. Everything was clean. To make matters worse, I had an undiagnosed mild brain injury when I was younger with lingering symptoms ever since and wasnt sure if this was impacting my severe symptoms or not????????

 

But you're absolutely right it just like waking up from a nightmare!! Needless to say, every day I wake up feeling thankful for continued healing. There's so much I look forward to doing these day such as traveling and just living my life once more without being completely disabled by my symptoms as well as drug induced sever depression anxiety and paranoia.

[Mort81]

You have alot of similarities to my story, what kept you going during those tough times eespecially after 2 yrs when u still weren't doing too well? You sound so happy I can't wait to make it to where you are!

[ChessieCat]

Hi JJ,

 

You mentioned in your first post that you have been on this site before.  Have you joined under a different member name?  If so, please advise your previous name then we can merge the 2 together so that members will have the complete history of your progress.  Thank you.

[Jayjohnny]

You have alot of similarities to my story, what kept you going during those tough times eespecially after 2 yrs when u still weren't doing too well? You sound so happy I can't wait to make it to where you are!

 

Thank you Mort and you too will eventually make dramatic improvements. I'm sure of it! Just keep fighting and fighting!! Remember, this is something severe you're dealing with. Not something light or even moderate. People who beat this come out stronger in the end. What kept me going is that I forced myself to have the slightest glimmer of hope during the worst of times and that things could get better! That's the key, or one of them to beating this awful condition.

[Jayjohnny]

Hi JJ,

 

You mentioned in your first post that you have been on this site before. Have you joined under a different member name? If so, please advise your previous name then we can merge the 2 together so that members will have the complete history of your progress. Thank you.

Hi CC, I honestly can't remember my previous screen name, nor the email account attached to it. Nonetheless, I felt obliged to come back to this amazing site. I have nothing but respect for it. It is one of the few which truly understands the effects of these evil drugs and the damage they can and so often do to people. I had to give some people hope who are still in heavy protracted withdrawal phases.

[Jayjohnny]

How long have you been in withdrawal Mort, if I may ask?

[Mort81]

2 yrs and 5 months

[Mort81]

And thanks for the kind words! I will also take your advice and believe that things will get better

[Jayjohnny]

You're welcome! Your dramatic healing could be just around the corner. Keep hope and patience and it will eventually arrive!

[Mort81]

Thanks Johnny! Hey I wanted to ask you in the 4 months that it drastically changed was it like an overnight thing? Did one day you woke up and felt much better? Or was it a small subtle change and than another and another? I'm talking just the last 4 months. I know before that you were very bad.

[Dragonfly55]

That is awesome news! I am currently on 10 mgs from 20 and contemplating g reinstating. The withdrawal is so bad.

Can u give any advice that helped u get through it all??

Are u on nothing. Now?

[Jayjohnny]

Thanks Johnny! Hey I wanted to ask you in the 4 months that it drastically changed was it like an overnight thing? Did one day you woke up and felt much better? Or was it a small subtle change and than another and another? I'm talking just the last 4 months. I know before that you were very bad.

No, it's not as if I woke up one day and felt drastically better. It was indeed subtle but it just kept on getting better with each passing day. It's odd but I can't even recall exactly when I knew I was better. It just hit me one day. I guess it just came out of the blue just like the disabling symptoms did. But yes I was very bad off and it sounds like both you and I have had similar symptoms? I honestly still thought I'd be in heavy withdrawal for another year at least without seeing much improvement but here I am having made drastic improvements! What are some of your main symptoms?

[Jayjohnny]

That is awesome news! I am currently on 10 mgs from 20 and contemplating g reinstating. The withdrawal is so bad.

Can u give any advice that helped u get through it all??

Are u on nothing. Now?

Yes I still can't believe I have been drug free for over 2 1/2 years after having taken these poisons for almost 9 years straight. Like many other stories on here, one day my body and brain simply began to reject them, and for very good reason!! They are toxic chemical and synthetic poisons. Nothing natural about them in the least. The scientists who developed them aren't even sure how they actually work, only theories. Thankfully, I have reached a point where I can take a few natural supplements which help somewhat for mood and anxiety. Half a year ago I couldn't even take supplements that's how screwed up brain and nervous system was!!

 

My main advice is to keep fighting the condition and to educate yourself as best you can about what is exactly going on during heavy protracted withdrawal. If you're dealing with severe protracted withdrawal that has been going on for at least a year, you're not dealing with something minor or moderate. Even though most doctors are clueless or won't admit it. Just remember you're far from a weak person. Anyone who has dealt with this as well as serious depression and anxiety and still keeps pushing forward is far from a weak person. In fact, they are extremely brave and strong!!

[Mort81]

Ya your story has some similarities forsure but right now I'm in my toughest wave yet. Headaches, headpressure, extreme dizzyness, sensitivity to light and sound. Its been bad enough That I can't move from my room. But I've had almost all the WD symptoms and some have gone away and some come back.

[Mort81]

All of these symptoms now are 100% different than my previous 2 yrs of WD. I rarely got head pressure and headache. This wave is brand spanken new

[ChessieCat]

It's a pity that you can't remember your previous member name because it would have been good for other members to be able to see the journal of your progress.

 

It would be helpful if you would put a short history of your last drug/s and how you tapered it/them in your signature so that people can see your history at a glance.  Please put your Withdrawal History in Signature.

[Jayjohnny]

Yeah head pressure was one of the worst symptoms for me! It was constant and seemed never ending. Just like most of the other symptoms. Hang in there. It's odd because looking back now I feel that long hard journey off of psych poisons may have been a combination of withdrawal but perhaps also a bad reaction to a med I was on. I just read somewhere that a serious negative reaction to any psych drug can sometimes last for a year or two. Didn't know that.

[AliG]

Yes. Maybe you can have a think about it. It's a little odd that you can't remember your name. 

 

Can you add your history ? At least that would be something and it might help the members.

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

[Jayjohnny]

Yes. Maybe you can have a think about it. It's a little odd that you can't remember your name.

 

Can you add your history ? At least that would be something and it might help the members.

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

Well the last time I posted was perhaps 6-8 months ago. Like I said before, I lost access to my previous email account. Kinda hard to go back now. I understand where you're coming from. But not everyone cares to list their exstensive drug history, either. Did that ever occur to you??

[AliG]

You lost access  ?  What does that mean ?   Did that occur to me ?  Are you kidding?

[Jayjohnny]

You lost access ? What does that mean ? Did that occur to me ? Are you kidding?

As in someone hacked my previous email account and changed the password. Maybe it was the US government. Or maybe the Russians did it for all I know!! But I meant did it ever occur to you, and others here, that some might not want to share their exstensive drug history? At least not until they care to? I get the reason for the request but maybe some just don't care to do it.

Edited January 13, 2017 by ChessieCat
removed obscenity

[ChessieCat]

 

You lost access ? What does that mean ? Did that occur to me ? Are you kidding?

As in someone hacked my previous email account and changed the password. Maybe it was the US government. Or maybe the Russians did it for all I know!! But I meant did it ever occur to you, and others here, that some might not want to share their exstensive drug history? At least not until they care to? I get the reason for the request but maybe some just don't care to do it.

 

 

Sharing your drug history is partly what this site is about.  It is not very helpful to other members that you are posting about your recovery without giving any information about what drug/s you were on and how you tapered.

[Jayjohnny]

 

 

You lost access ? What does that mean ? Did that occur to me ? Are you kidding?

As in someone hacked my previous email account and changed the password. Maybe it was the US government. Or maybe the Russians did it for all I know!! But I meant did it ever occur to you, and others here, that some might not want to share their exstensive drug history? At least not until they care to? I get the reason for the request but maybe some just don't care to do it.

Sharing your drug history is partly what this site is about. It is not very helpful to other members that you are posting about your recovery without giving any information about what drug/s you were on and how you tapered.

 

Fair enough. I will give it a go.

[Mort81]

Thanks Johnny I def had the reaction to one of my meds that's what made me want off in the 1st place. Ya this head pressure and dizzyness I can't function through it. Almost all my other symptoms i could perform daily tasks no problem. Nothing outside daily tasks but now can't do that. Really hoping it ends soon, I'll keep the hope like you said!

[Jayjohnny]

I know how you feel Mort! Those were two of my worst symptoms as well. I recall when I was younger I had a relatively short withdrawal from Celexa that lasted around 7 months. But even back then the intense head pressure and dizziness and vertigo was mostly absent. I would have given anything to have had a similar withdrawal or healing experience And timeframe as I did back then!! And I mean anything!!

 

One more positive thing I can share though is that finally, I have begun to experience brain zaps-little by little. Most people dread brain zaps but for me they are a sign that I am finally healing and that the drugs are leaving my system for good! It took over 2 1/2 years for me to get them....that's how long and drawn out my withdrawal has been. Just like yours!!