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It has been 3 months since i quit using sertraline 50mg and mirtazapine 15mg. I have used mirtazapine 15mg for 4 months with sucess and had a bad adverse reaction to prozac after using it for 3 weeks before this. But i have been going downhill ever since. It started with being slightly unfocused but now i can't remember what happened few hours ago! I lost every ounce of personality i ever had. I have no problem solving skills and i am not intelligent anymore. I am losing all my acquired skills too. I lost my musical ear and i am not as good as i used to be with speaking English (not my native language.) It feels like i never even started playing piano 3 years ago and it drives me nuts!

 

I lost everything in my life because of my need to ease anxiety. No one thinks this could be true. Psychiatrist thinks this is good ole anxiety and threatens me to put on antipsychotics. My family refuses to believe me and prefer to listen to ''professionals'' instead of me. I have a few friends to listen to but none to truly understand (or want to understand) what i am going through.

 

I can feel the stress literally burning my mind 24/7 non stop. I really do feel my mind burning and it does not look like it will go away soon. I have lost everything yet it still destroys me nonstop. I just want this to end.

 

If this goes on like this i don't think i will want to live much longer. I am just a whiny depressed person in other peoples' eyes and i refuse to recover by not taking pills. They won't acknowledge anything i say about losing myself with the introduction of the drugs or the stress-like burning mind sensation that started with the drugs. 

Anything i say and do is being used against me to show how depressed or anxious i am and how much i need meds. I have lost all hope and i am expected to attend university in 2 years with the mind of an 8 year old.

 

So if i don't show any prowess after 2 years i will end it all without a single doubt. I don't want to live a life i am not happy in. 

 

Please share anything that you can relate to this issue. Have you ever experienced something like this? When did you start to recover? How much did you lose and how much did you manage to recover?  Even the tiniest bit of hope is enough to make my day and push me forward. Right now all i can do is crying. 

Edited by JanCarol
Topic title edited, adjusted tags

Started using mirtazapine 15mg on 04.4.16 for 4 months because of sleeping difficulties. Stopped cold turkey without any adverse reaction.

 

Started using prozac 20mg on 08.20.16 for 2 weeks and had an adverse reaction. I was insisted on to continue for 3 weeks more afterwards. Then quit it cold turkey again. 

 

Started using sertraline 50mg and mirtazapine 15mg on 09.27.16 for a month and the adverse reaction intensified significantly. Quit them cold turkey too because of panic.

 

3 months in and no window/wave period in sight. Cognitive function is impaired significantly to the point of not functioning. No sense of self or personality. Only getting worse

 

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  • Administrator

Hi, Depresso.

 

Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA).

 

You may do well with a very small reinstatement, however, at 3 months off, it could be risky. It's best to research this first, ask questions, get feedback, and then make a well-informed decision. 

 

Here is some information about this:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

 

Before deciding on reinstating, please provide more information:

 

  1. Please list the dates you started and stopped sertraline, Prozac, and mirtazapine. 
  2. Are you taking any medications or supplements now? 

Please try to not focus on where you're going to be in two years. That's a long time and you may very well see significant healing before you head off to university.

 

Your English is very good, so even though you're struggling, you did a great job of researching your drugs and reaching out for support. In time, your emotions will return, as will your ability to feel music. 

 

Here is some information about withdrawal:

 

 

What is withdrawal syndrome? 
 
The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling"

 

  

 

 

Please fill out your signature. Here is how: 

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

This is your thread to list your symptoms and ask plenty of questions. I'm glad you found us for information and support. 

Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

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Hey mate, I am very sorry for what has happened to you... many of us are on the same boat. May I ask how long you were on ssri?

About me ------------------------ College student with a history of anxiety, excessive worrying and health anxiety.

April 2014 - May 2015----------    Prozac 20mg On and Off.  Second time on it I developed apathy, changes in personality, asexuality.

May 2015  -   July 2015-----------------  Tappering off prozac. Still no feelings,anhedonia, apathy, no libido, asexuality.

Current symptoms--------  pssd (asexuality in my case). Anxiety and depression developed some months afer stopping prozac, could have been caused by obsessing and beating myself up too much when I found myself unable to like girls again. The best thing to do with pssd (which in my case is asexuality) is accept it and move on.

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pd. read the success stories to see what your prognosis looks like. You will recover, but it will take some months...

About me ------------------------ College student with a history of anxiety, excessive worrying and health anxiety.

April 2014 - May 2015----------    Prozac 20mg On and Off.  Second time on it I developed apathy, changes in personality, asexuality.

May 2015  -   July 2015-----------------  Tappering off prozac. Still no feelings,anhedonia, apathy, no libido, asexuality.

Current symptoms--------  pssd (asexuality in my case). Anxiety and depression developed some months afer stopping prozac, could have been caused by obsessing and beating myself up too much when I found myself unable to like girls again. The best thing to do with pssd (which in my case is asexuality) is accept it and move on.

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Hey Theon! I just updated my signature so you can see it :) I have been on mirtazapine with great sucess and no withdrawal issue despite going cold turkey and using it for 4 months. About a month or two later i was prescribed prozac and i had a severe stress related reaction to it. It felt like my mind was burning after 2-3 days but i was told to just keep going. The stress/burning mind was so overwheling i couldnt sleep and i couldnt concentrate so i cut it off. But didnt get better even after a month.

 

Then i was prescribed sertraline and mirtazapine without giving myself some time because my parents pushed me. And now as the burning sensation slowly fades so does my mental function. I am definetly feeling like my severely depressed 11 year old self now. Perhaps it trigerred my severe episode back? :( I am certainly not in the window/wave period as it went only worse for me. All the brain zap or uncontrollable movements were gone after the first month. But i am now in the worse part of my life again. But this time it is chemically induced.

 

I just went for an mri to see if i have any physical changes in my brain i hope it isnt irrepairable. It feels like i am deleted as a person. 

 

How are you doing by the way? Did you notice any significant recovery after all this time? How long did it take for you to improve? I am curious :P

Started using mirtazapine 15mg on 04.4.16 for 4 months because of sleeping difficulties. Stopped cold turkey without any adverse reaction.

 

Started using prozac 20mg on 08.20.16 for 2 weeks and had an adverse reaction. I was insisted on to continue for 3 weeks more afterwards. Then quit it cold turkey again. 

 

Started using sertraline 50mg and mirtazapine 15mg on 09.27.16 for a month and the adverse reaction intensified significantly. Quit them cold turkey too because of panic.

 

3 months in and no window/wave period in sight. Cognitive function is impaired significantly to the point of not functioning. No sense of self or personality. Only getting worse

 

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Hello Depresso, 

 

In my case, the prozac caused me asexuality/pssd (I suddenly stopped to like girls), and I got very depressed over this issue, making me get worse (depression and anxiety and brain fog), but when I learnt to accept myself again, I started to get better... though I am still half-way on recovery I would say... 

 

An advice I give to you is to not obsess about this, don't visit this website too often also... just don't take more medications and you should be ok in some months

About me ------------------------ College student with a history of anxiety, excessive worrying and health anxiety.

April 2014 - May 2015----------    Prozac 20mg On and Off.  Second time on it I developed apathy, changes in personality, asexuality.

May 2015  -   July 2015-----------------  Tappering off prozac. Still no feelings,anhedonia, apathy, no libido, asexuality.

Current symptoms--------  pssd (asexuality in my case). Anxiety and depression developed some months afer stopping prozac, could have been caused by obsessing and beating myself up too much when I found myself unable to like girls again. The best thing to do with pssd (which in my case is asexuality) is accept it and move on.

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I know i know. I am trying to live as if this never happened. But the bad part is that i can't even function properly at the moment :/ it is hard to not obsess when you feel so desperate.

Started using mirtazapine 15mg on 04.4.16 for 4 months because of sleeping difficulties. Stopped cold turkey without any adverse reaction.

 

Started using prozac 20mg on 08.20.16 for 2 weeks and had an adverse reaction. I was insisted on to continue for 3 weeks more afterwards. Then quit it cold turkey again. 

 

Started using sertraline 50mg and mirtazapine 15mg on 09.27.16 for a month and the adverse reaction intensified significantly. Quit them cold turkey too because of panic.

 

3 months in and no window/wave period in sight. Cognitive function is impaired significantly to the point of not functioning. No sense of self or personality. Only getting worse

 

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  • Moderator

Hey Depresso - 

 

You are in a situation that others experienced.  Maybe not in exactly the same way or exactly the same drugs - but - it sounds like you had a severe reaction to Antidepressant drugs.

 

There are certain genotypes who react poorly to the drugs, and in the USA, they are starting genetic testing to see if a drug can be metabolized by a person.  This is something which should have been done all long.

 

But for you, what is done is done, and it is important for you to survive and move on from it.

 

It requires being patient with yourself, there will be lots of waiting, distracting, and waiting some more.

 

You can try Magnesium and Omega-3 fish oil , as many people have found them to be valuable and helpful.

 

Healing happens in Waves and Windows, it is not linear.  In the video Shep posted, it is like a Rubik's Cube, sometimes you have to go backwards in order to go forwards.  If you keep that in mind, and express appreciation for the Windows (the good days), you can assume that the Waves (or bad days) are temporary.  I see from your signature, that you haven't had a window yet.  But you will.  Even if it is just a tiny one - a minute long - watch for it, and wonder!

 

Windows are a sign that you are healing - and a glimpse of what it will be like when you are healed.  Waves are a sign that you are healing too - as different systems go offline for repair.  If you develop a new symptom, just know that it is healing, and be kind to yourself.  Pushing through the waves will probably intensify them.  If you are not functioning - it may be important for you to take a break from functioning.  Perhaps trying to push yourself through the pain - is keeping the symptoms stronger than if you just let go.

 

I know, that's scary!  And not everyone can do it - and keep a house, a family, meet obligations.  So maybe if you have to keep pushing, find a practice or carve a space out of your day that is just for you - 15 minutes a day for quiet, meditation, prayer, mindfulness.  If you spend 15 minutes a day on mindfulness, you will "empty out" an accumulation of problems, and build up a goodwill that will help carry you through the next waves.

 

It does get better, the longer you are out.  We've had quite a few heal from reactions in here - and it does take awhile.

 

I hope you see the sun today.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 8 months later...

Hi Depresso,

 

I wanted to share my (in-progress) story as a way of giving hope.

 

I didn't find this site until I had already experienced a "window" and a subsequent "wave." In fact, I had basically come up with the windows-waves theory on my own (although I didn't use those exact terms in my mind). Then I found this site which basically confirmed that I was on the right track with that viewpoint.

 

Anyway, my point is... before my first "window" (which lasted just a few hours) I was in the same boat as you... I thought I would never get better and that my mind was permanently damaged... I want to assure you that it does get better with time.

 

I'm currently 10 months out from tapering off Lexapro. Based on this site's success stories, I realize I may still have a long road to full recovery. But at least I'm able to see now that progress is indeed taking place.

 

It's been awhile since your original post. Have you had your first "window" yet?

Sep 2011 - Diagnosed with GAD. Started Lexapro 10 mg. Helped with physical anxiety symptoms.

Nov 2013 - Mother passed away after 6 years of fighting rare neurological disorder.

Mar 2016 - Started tapering. Felt that the Lexapro was causing fatigue and weight gain.

  For whatever reason, I alternated b/w days, e.g. 10mg, 5mg, 10mg...

  Near end I was taking one 1.25mg dose every 2 weeks (not sure why I did it this way)

Dec 2016 - Finished tapering, Phase I acute symptoms weren't really significant

Apr 2017 - Phase II begins: depression, anxiety, fatigue, depersonalization, cynicism, brain fog, memory issues

Jul 2017 - First real "window" (lasted a few hours only)

Aug 2017 - Found this site

----

Shortening waves and broadening windows since. Lost 30 lbs. Outlook positive thanks to this site.

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  • Administrator

Hi, Eric. I hope Depresso sees your post and lets us know how he's doing.

 

Please start a topic for yourself in the Introductions forum so we can get to know you.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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