Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

powerback: tapering no 2


powerback

Recommended Posts

"Compassion fatigue" I haven't heard of a phrase that is so relatable to what I am going through right now. Praying and acceptance has given me ease. Thanks for the support, it means a lot, powerback. You are very strong and doing really well with taking care of yourself. All the best.

Jan to Feb 2018: (Sectioned) Risperidone 1mg moved up to 6mg, Lorazepam (PRN), Olanzapine 5mg (PRN).

20 Apr 2018: Stopped Risperidone 2mg.

 

Sectioned 12 June 2020

14 June 2020: 0.5 mg Lorazepam.Risperidone, raising dose to 3mg or higher till 26 June 2020.

26 June 2020: Switched from Risperidone to Olanzapine. Started Clonazepam. Gradually raising clonazepam and Olanzapine

Olanzapine 20mg - 8th July 2020.

Clonazepam 2mg 3x a day = 6mg - 8th July to around 23 July.

Clonazepam gradually decreasing to 3mg around 6 Aug 2020.

Depakote 250mg (now on Epilim) - 17 July, gradually raising till 900mg on 8 or 9 Aug.

Link to comment
  • Replies 2.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • powerback

    1121

  • Altostrata

    146

  • dj2010

    138

  • pinkfairy

    54

Top Posters In This Topic

16 hours ago, Banana121 said:

"Compassion fatigue" I haven't heard of a phrase that is so relatable to what I am going through right now. Praying and acceptance has given me ease. Thanks for the support, it means a lot, powerback. You are very strong and doing really well with taking care of yourself. All the best.

Your welcome  B and thanks for your kind words .I've done a lot of reading up on the human condition the last couple of years and its very easy to be pulled into others misery and pain .the saying "A problem shared " is true in a sense but we have to keep to the boundaries of living our own lives also .

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Practicing some serious acceptance this weekend ,today I was torn between the want to go out for a walk in the sun and not being able to .all dressed but I had to accept I was fatigued so I went to bed and had a nap .

Im A few days with terrible headaches and a constant sore throat .

I see it's a nice day tommorow so I'le chill and hopefully see the sun tommorow .

It's very interesting this powerful want I have to over ride my sympthoms but I realise this is counterintuitive .

I got out for a walk yesterday and my critic had a rite go at me over an older lady with a walking stick ,she nearly passed me out ,I had that little energy 😏.

Take care and healing vibes to everyone.

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Mentor
1 hour ago, powerback said:

I got out for a walk yesterday and my critic had a rite go at me over an older lady with a walking stick ,she nearly passed me out ,I had that little energy 😏.

I know how you feel! I often get passed by little kids and older people! It is a bit of a bite for the ego, eh? Good job on the acceptance; I am going to listen to Claire Weekes and try to get this ol' acceptance thing down!

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, powerback said:

Practicing some serious acceptance this weekend ,today I was torn between the want to go out for a walk in the sun and not being able to .all dressed but I had to accept I was fatigued so I went to bed and had a nap .

Im A few days with terrible headaches and a constant sore throat .

I see it's a nice day tommorow so I'le chill and hopefully see the sun tommorow .

It's very interesting this powerful want I have to over ride my sympthoms but I realise this is counterintuitive .

I got out for a walk yesterday and my critic had a rite go at me over an older lady with a walking stick ,she nearly passed me out ,I had that little energy 😏.

Take care and healing vibes to everyone.

 

 

It’s way better to be slow and aware than fast and resisting. I don’t have the fast life I used to have, but I don’t run away from my own feelings anymore either!

 

Take care powerback,

tim

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

Link to comment
40 minutes ago, miT said:

 

It’s way better to be slow and aware than fast and resisting. I don’t have the fast life I used to have, but I don’t run away from my own feelings anymore either!

 

Take care powerback,

tim

Very true miT ,your very wise my friend .

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

I know how you feel! I often get passed by little kids and older people! It is a bit of a bite for the ego, eh? Good job on the acceptance; I am going to listen to Claire Weekes and try to get this ol' acceptance thing down!

Hi FGW ,ye its pretty interesting and miT is bang on about the resistance,whats the saying ,"what we resist will always persist".

I have been ages trying to get a quality bone broth ordered tonight  online from the US but it doesn't deliver to Europe but I found it through a third party over here .

I was determined to get it 😁  .

Keep practicing with the help of Claire weeks ,fairlpay to you  .I've done well over the weekend because Friday I went up to bed at 7.30pm listened to some Netflix and I was comfy for the night .total acceptance 😊 

Hope your safe and well .

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Today with all the acceptance in the world I still cant wrap my head around how fatigued I am for the last 3 or 4 days .it must be connected to the energy my brain is using up with the constant thinking and impossible to turn off .I'm very tempted to keep  tapering while like this but I know I shouldn't .ive also had the strongest brain fog and confusion  since I can remember. 

I got out to get some food  this morning in and I've been woken up lately to how bad the quality is in my local supermarket .I will try a month of organic shopping soon [exspensive I know ].

IM tempted to blame this bad wave on the keto flu but I don't think I've dropped carbs enough for this to happen .

I do have a small bit of  diareha today ,witch is vey rare for me .I have upped my dark leafy greens lately ,so this could be the culprit for this.

Anyway I just wanted to note this .

Keep well and peace to all 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Today I ask myself is this bad mental illness I have the cause of the meds/withdrawl or an unlocking of what is already there .

I often wonder why I've  always self medicated since I can remember and am I just kidding myself about coming off these meds .the world has moved on at such a fast pace and I wont be catching up with it any time soon .Alan watts says "just play the game" but this personality disorder I'm left with in withdrawl has left me unable to participate .

Envy has hit me so hard lately and I can feel I'm heading for a huge crash and ile be left to deal with the system and there "help"

I'm rooting for everyone to get well but I mite have to accept I will be left to the wolves .its just all to painful to accept .

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

I have fallen into a dark depression over the last few days witch is scaring me and especially today .I have a strong compulsion to speak to loved ones about what's on my mind but I'm afraid ile have my free will taking away .when you know how useless and not fit for purpose the system is ,this is why its so scary .they set up a smoke screen of help but there's nothing that can be done when it gets like this .earlier I had been in the rain in a t-shirt and it was shocking how sensitive my skin was ,it was like an electric buzzing with every rain drop   .I remember 2 years ago being like this but never actuating what it meant. I know realise my CNS is fried .

This has been one majorly long car crash in the making .

Please be so careful in your journeys because ide say its defeated me  .I'm ready to give up the ghost  .

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
6 minutes ago, powerback said:

Please be so careful in your journeys because ide say its defeated me  .I'm ready to give up the ghost  .

 

PB,

 

You are having a bad day.  A bad couple of days.  You have been seeing progress and better moments.  Try to distance yourself from what you are feeling in the present and realize that it will get better.  This is not cast in stone and the brain is always changing and improving.  People have recovered from far worse than where you are (TBI, Stroke and the like).

 

You will continue to see improvement.  You just need to find your way through this dark patch.

 

Hang in there.  You have friends here.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

Link to comment

Powerback,

 

I’m speaking from my own experience and for me this is a holy truth: the CNS is everything. There are no bad thoughts when the CNS is stable. On the other hand, the exact same situation will drag you down when the CNS is irritated. The outside makes no difference, the CNS calls the shots. 

 

Well, you know in tapering your CNS is seeking balance. Don’t waste your time fixing things outside of yourself. Instead feel the pain, show the CNS there’s nothing to run away from. If you can keep afoot in front of pain, then what can ever hurt you?

 

Don’t take it as truth pb, check it yourself. It’s the CNS. Do anything to learn it new tricks. It will speed up the healing process! Up to the next window. You’re healing.

 

good luck!

tim

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

Link to comment
12 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

PB,

 

You are having a bad day.  A bad couple of days.  You have been seeing progress and better moments.  Try to distance yourself from what you are feeling in the present and realize that it will get better.  This is not cast in stone and the brain is always changing and improving.  People have recovered from far worse than where you are (TBI, Stroke and the like).

 

You will continue to see improvement.  You just need to find your way through this dark patch.

 

Hang in there.  You have friends here.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Thanks Andy your very  kind .but ile have to  accept ile never have a "normal" life ever again and maybe I need to accept this .so I'm heading for a state run hospital the longer this goes on .pre withdawl stasis is causing and compounding my recovery .the revs just never get past what I need to move forward .this is my journey so please nobody compare with there own and catastrophise there situation .society simply doesn't have the time or patience for this to pass .

Its the strongest deflated I can remember today .I simply cant do this at this level of anxiety ,how my executive functioning is even still working is beyond me .

I hope your well Andy .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Come on PB.

On dropping by, I have seen you strong on many days recently.

Your stamina will come back, maybe tomorrow.

 

Sincerest best wishes.

Born 1945. 

1999 - First Effexor/Venlafaxine

2016 Withdrawal research. Effexor.  13Jul - 212.5mg;  6Aug - 200.0mg;  24Aug - 187.5mg;  13Sep - 175.0mg;  3Oct - 162.5mg;  26Oct - 150mg 

2017  9Jan - 150.00mg;  23Mar - 137.50mg;  24Apr - 125.00mg;  31May - 112.50mg holding;  3Sep - 100.00mg;  20Sep - 93.75mg;  20Oct - 87.5mg;  12Nov - 81.25mg;  13 Dec - 75.00mg

2018  18Jan - 69.1mg; 16Feb - 62.5mg; 16March - 57.5mg (-8%); 22Apr - 56.3mg(-2%); CRASHED - Updose 29May - 62.5mg; Updose - 1Jul - 75.0mg. Updose - 2Aug - 87.5mg. Updose - 27Aug - 100.0mg. Updose - 11Oct 112.5mg. Updose - 6Nov 125.00mg

2019 Updoses 19 Jan - 150.0mg. 1April - 162.5mg. 24 April - Feeling better - doing tasks, getting outside.  7 May - usual depression questionnaire gives "probably no depression" result.

Supps/Vits  Omega 3;  Chelated Magnesium;  Prebiotics/Probiotics, Vit D3. 

Link to comment
6 minutes ago, miT said:

Powerback,

 

I’m speaking from my own experience and for me this is a holy truth: the CNS is everything. There are no bad thoughts when the CNS is stable. On the other hand, the exact same situation will drag you down when the CNS is irritated. The outside makes no difference, the CNS calls the shots. 

 

Well, you know in tapering your CNS is seeking balance. Don’t waste your time fixing things outside of yourself. Instead feel the pain, show the CNS there’s nothing to run away from. If you can keep afoot in front of pain, then what can ever hurt you?

 

Don’t take it as truth pb, check it yourself. It’s the CNS. Do anything to learn it new tricks. It will speed up the healing process! Up to the next window. You’re healing.

 

good luck!

tim

Theres a great eloquence to your writings miT ,your so kind .There's enough gone wrong in my childhood to make me  think this was inevitable but it suits far more people to just give ye a label and leave it at that .I quite frankly never had a chance .Facing the truth and being super conscious of the fact I was always chasing my tail is deeply soul destroying painful .I've simply had enough .

Thanks for your input miT .I'm glad to know you .

Be well my friend .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
2 minutes ago, peng said:

Come on PB.

On dropping by, I have seen you strong on many days recently.

Your stamina will come back, maybe tomorrow.

 

Sincerest best wishes.

Thanks Peng for your words and sincerity .I've nothing left.

Take care Peng . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
9 minutes ago, powerback said:

Theres a great eloquence to your writings miT ,your so kind .There's enough gone wrong in my childhood to make me  think this was inevitable but it suits far more people to just give ye a label and leave it at that .I quite frankly never had a chance .Facing the truth and being super conscious of the fact I was always chasing my tail is deeply soul destroying painful .I've simply had enough .

Thanks for your input miT .I'm glad to know you .

Be well my friend .

 

You have the chance to experience life at its source. I wouldn’t know this if my childhood were a happy one. 

Be labeled, face the pain, move on. You’re finally free!

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

Link to comment
3 minutes ago, miT said:

 

You have the chance to experience life at its source. I wouldn’t know this if my childhood were a happy one. 

Be labeled, face the pain, move on. You’re finally free!

True miT ,I have very bad/strong misophonia and I'm very worried about my moods with this ,I cant act on it for obvious reasons and I wouldn't want to ,so I'm bottling it all up In my system .An opportunity to move out from were I live hasn't materialised so I'm going to see about declaring myself homeless and see if I can get somewhere to live .I dread every day .withdrawl or not this is making me very sick .I  was literally going to walk the streets the other night .

Any younger folk going on this journey ,please get your life together .always cherish your peace .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Ok pb, do you currently rent a house?  Would you move out to find a quieter place? Don’t make any hasty decisions. Being homeless doesn’t solve any problems just like that. Please keep us in check with your choices.

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

Link to comment
33 minutes ago, miT said:

Ok pb, do you currently rent a house?  Would you move out to find a quieter place? Don’t make any hasty decisions. Being homeless doesn’t solve any problems just like that. Please keep us in check with your choices.

I lodge with my partner and her mother .I'm in a rock and a hard place for way to long .my symptoms have become so bad I'm extremely fragile .I wouldn't make light of homelessness ,I can see how people can become homeless with mental illness ,my mind is eating itself alive with shame and embarrassment ,it feels like im holding back a dam with my finger ,its eventually going to burst .I'm going to research mobile homes and see how the cost fairs out .

I could play the system and get help off the state but it entails getting an evaluation from a phycologist and this could be a  tricky situation to get into .my whole life will be dictated by what they say.

Wont make hasty decisions thanks miT. 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi pb, 

I know it's easier said than done, but please hang in there. There is no need to be embarrassed-- this is a very challenging    situation, to put it mildly. 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

Link to comment
2 minutes ago, SkyBlue said:

Hi pb, 

I know it's easier said than done, but please hang in there. There is no need to be embarrassed-- this is a very challenging    situation, to put it mildly. 

Hi skyblue  ,I'm aware its neuro emotions but at the same time its very real ,after the years of being medicated I'm awake now  and its painful to confront the unbelievable lack of motivation I had while on the drug .I'm not embarrassed here per say   ,im among friends and have support and want to help and save anyone I can from my bad mistakes.

Its embarrassing living with this when I look fine and I live in a very narrow minded neighbourhood .I just want away and not come back .I didn't even go out to the bins the other morning for fear of ripping the head of my neighbour ,ide get the usual comment "no work today".im simply exhausted .

Thanks Skyblue your very kind . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Mentor
1 hour ago, powerback said:

after the years of being medicated I'm awake now  and its painful to confront the unbelievable lack of motivation I had while on the drug .

Well put, @powerback. I relate to that so well. It is like being in the Wizard of Oz and the curtain is being pulled back to reveal an old, grizzled character who was making up a pretty story. At least that has been true here. There was a slow slide of fatigue and apathy while drugged for five years and now, not at all. And while it is painful as hell -- the pain is much worse than before -- I'll take it. And while I respect Andy's comment about TBI/stroke, I can speak as someone who had a huge brain tumor cut out of my head and still have a compromised motor system; mental/emotional distress is much harder to deal with, IMO. And all the hormonal b.s.that comes with being a female.

 

Regarding the bad childhood: yup. Get that. I've been reading psychologist James Hillman's "The Soul's Code: In Search of Character and Calling." It has helped a little in beginning to reconcile having a less-than-ideal family and relaxing into the fact that the path is not always -- sometimes not much -- happiness and sunshine. He believes that our soul chose before we were born the life and lessons were were going to learn from it and then we forgot it all at birth. It helps me to think that there might be a reason for this pain.

 

You have been one of the members here who has always supported me with wise words and "I hear you's" that have kept me going. Thank you for that, powerback. Yeah, it is rough. But you are one tough person and we will get better.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

Link to comment

I keep wanting to write something meaningful to you as others have, PB, but my brain isn't working so well.  I am just really sorry you are having such a rough time.  I am thinking about you and really hope you feel better soon.

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

Link to comment

sorry to hear you are in a wave PB, this will pass just like previous ones you just need to fight through it, I know keep fighting through these waves are tiring, just been in one myself, must of cursed myself with my last update, 

 

it does sound like your living arrangements are getting to you, my advice would be to get a tent and find a campsite somewhere in nature and stay there for a month to get away from it all, it might do you some good and would be a bit of a adventure, thats what I would do anyway,

 

I hope you are feeling a bit better today,

 

take care

 

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

Link to comment
13 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Well put, @powerback. I relate to that so well. It is like being in the Wizard of Oz and the curtain is being pulled back to reveal an old, grizzled character who was making up a pretty story. At least that has been true here. There was a slow slide of fatigue and apathy while drugged for five years and now, not at all. And while it is painful as hell -- the pain is much worse than before -- I'll take it. And while I respect Andy's comment about TBI/stroke, I can speak as someone who had a huge brain tumor cut out of my head and still have a compromised motor system; mental/emotional distress is much harder to deal with, IMO. And all the hormonal b.s.that comes with being a female.

 

Regarding the bad childhood: yup. Get that. I've been reading psychologist James Hillman's "The Soul's Code: In Search of Character and Calling." It has helped a little in beginning to reconcile having a less-than-ideal family and relaxing into the fact that the path is not always -- sometimes not much -- happiness and sunshine. He believes that our soul chose before we were born the life and lessons were were going to learn from it and then we forgot it all at birth. It helps me to think that there might be a reason for this pain.

 

You have been one of the members here who has always supported me with wise words and "I hear you's" that have kept me going. Thank you for that, powerback. Yeah, it is rough. But you are one tough person and we will get better.

Hi FGW thanks for your kind and wholehearted  message .I appreciate I have such great support so I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart .sorry I don't have the energy for a meaningful reply .I see the weather is nice for the rest of the week here so ile get some light walks in .take great care .

 

I just want to back track a little and say I don't mean to blame my parents or anything like that on my childhood  ,decent people that did there best .the introspection ive done for a while now made me look at behaviours in childhood and adolescence that were not quite productive .anxiety and other things went on that are painful to confront .I was heavily medicated as a child for sever asthma and this from my learning destroyed my gut biome ,so I'm researching getting this gut biome back .

My mother has shown and given me unwavering support in this time . 

 

Thanks FGW i just wanted to make that clear ,not specifically to you but you get my drift .

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
12 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I keep wanting to write something meaningful to you as others have, PB, but my brain isn't working so well.  I am just really sorry you are having such a rough time.  I am thinking about you and really hope you feel better soon.

Don't put any pressure on yourself WR ,your kind soul wants to help when you see distress so I thank you ,always cherish that part of you but never let it be taken advantage of .

Thanks and always be kind to yourself.

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, dj2010 said:

sorry to hear you are in a wave PB, this will pass just like previous ones you just need to fight through it, I know keep fighting through these waves are tiring, just been in one myself, must of cursed myself with my last update, 

 

it does sound like your living arrangements are getting to you, my advice would be to get a tent and find a campsite somewhere in nature and stay there for a month to get away from it all, it might do you some good and would be a bit of a adventure, thats what I would do anyway,

 

I hope you are feeling a bit better today,

 

take care

 

I'm not far off doing that DJ .there's beautiful areas about 20 miles away .I Haven't the energy for it at the moment but its definitely an option . 

Ah no sorry to hear this DJ  ,just move the goal posts a bit and don't do this running if your not up to it ,your body isn't up to it , and not your ego ,be aware of the ego my friend .my own ego seems to be in ICU so its attacking me . 

.your priority's are your family .don't be hard on yourself either ,your brilliant to come this far .

I got a good 10 hours sleep a little broken .I had a very interesting dream about a guy I knew and went to school with ,he died 10 years ago [misadventure] .there's been a few guys that died around this time that I knew [all misadventure].I think my unconscious mind is releasing all these memories .I must tell myself this cant happen because I am sober now a long time and I need to be proud .I have looked back at this time and it very easily could of been me . I was often in ER over my binge drinking and my asthma .anyway I will continue to work on these memories .

the sun is out until the weekend here so I hope you see loads of it .be safe and post if your in pain ,don't suffer alone .I have a little packed lunch sorted im off out for the afternoon but I wont be doing much in the way of exercise .

Peace my friend . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
23 minutes ago, powerback said:

I'm not far off doing that DJ .there's beautiful areas about 20 miles away .I Haven't the energy for it at the moment but its definitely an option . 

Ah no sorry to hear this DJ  ,just move the goal posts a bit and don't do this running if your not up to it ,your body isn't up to it , and not your ego ,be aware of the ego my friend .my own ego seems to be in ICU so its attacking me . 

.your priority's are your family .don't be hard on yourself either ,your brilliant to come this far .

I got a good 10 hours sleep a little broken .I had a very interesting dream about a guy I knew and went to school with ,he died 10 years ago [misadventure] .there's been a few guys that died around this time that I knew [all misadventure].I think my unconscious mind is releasing all these memories .I must tell myself this cant happen because I am sober now a long time and I need to be proud .I have looked back at this time and it very easily could of been me . I was often in ER over my binge drinking and my asthma .anyway I will continue to work on these memories .

the sun is out until the weekend here so I hope you see loads of it .be safe and post if your in pain ,don't suffer alone .I have a little packed lunch sorted im off out for the afternoon but I wont be doing much in the way of exercise .

Peace my friend . 

your right PB, im impatient and expecting too much of myself and need to slow down a bit,

 

yes you are safe now from that now you are sober, need to see yourself as lucky made it through all them years of alcohol abuse and never touch the stuff again

 

hope you have a nice afternoon out and clear your head a bit,

 

take good care

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

Link to comment
1 hour ago, dj2010 said:

your right PB, im impatient and expecting too much of myself and need to slow down a bit,

 

yes you are safe now from that now you are sober, need to see yourself as lucky made it through all them years of alcohol abuse and never touch the stuff again

 

hope you have a nice afternoon out and clear your head a bit,

 

take good care

Sitting here basking in the sun in total peace up were I walk ,but extremely fatigued .feel very vulnerable when this tired.

I can see others on the trail but I'le accept I can't walk rather than ruminate 😏.

Take the fact your alot better than 6 months ago and be happy with that for now.

I'm looking at a big mound of rock I was running up a year ago here and very hard .

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, powerback said:

Sitting here basking in the sun in total peace up were I walk ,but extremely fatigued .feel very vulnerable when this tired.

I can see others on the trail but I'le accept I can't walk rather than ruminate 😏.

Take the fact your alot better than 6 months ago and be happy with that for now.

I'm looking at a big mound of rock I was running up a year ago here and very hard .

Take care .

sounds nice up there, don't worry you will be running up that big rock again with time,

 

hope your wave ends soon,

 

take care

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

Link to comment
1 hour ago, powerback said:

Take the fact your alot better than 6 months ago and be happy with that for now.

sorry DJ this was put across a bit blunt but you get my drift no doubt ,ye its pretty nice up there ,I should of stayed in bed but I was better out for my mental well being ,I'm back now ,I was in the supermarket and weak as a kitten ,I bought a chocolate bar  and scoffed it wondering if my sugar levels were bottomless .

I noticed this strong fatigue and yawning a lot is similar to the side affects of when I was first put on meds .

Hope yours ends also ,take care my friend .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Hi PowerBack. Whats up my friend?

 

The weekend gets good weather in the UK so take it a chance  and go out. Force yourself and go for a walk, near or far doesn't matter as long as you have a destination.. it definitely distract you from everything. Trust me.

I have a real hard time myself. 

All odds are against me.

Im very vulberable atm.

Broken sleep.

 

Take care

 

2011 protracted withdrawal symptoms from Effexor, managed to come off
2013-2015  risperidone consta 50 mg, started tapering from March 2015 to 1,66mg/day and from 02/2015 started seroxat 10mg/day

01/17 Seroxat 2,0mg,olanzapine 5mg,risperidone consta 25mg/every 15days

05/17 Seroxat 1mg,olanzapine 5mg,risp.consta 25mg/every 15days

06/17 Seroxat 2drops,olanzapine 5mg,liquid risperidone2mg

07/17 Seroxat 1 drop,olanzapine 5mg,Risperidone 0mg, 10/17 Seroxat 0mg,olanzapine,5mg,Risperidone 0mg, 12/17 Seroxat 1/2 drop, olanzapine 5mg,  04/18 Olanzapine 1,25mg, 04/18 xanax 0,5mg

24/06/2019 doc said to take 10mg olanzapine for 13days and down to 5mg
 been taking 10mg for 14 days, 5mg for 8 days  and  tapered to  3/4quart. 5mg  for 14 days, 1/2 for 14 days,

01/08/19 2,5mg

08/2021 5mg olanzapine

Supplements Omega 3, Turmeric, Bacopa monneri, Mucuna Pruriens

Link to comment
20 minutes ago, powerback said:

sorry DJ this was put across a bit blunt but you get my drift no doubt ,ye its pretty nice up there ,I should of stayed in bed but I was better out for my mental well being ,I'm back now ,I was in the supermarket and weak as a kitten ,I bought a chocolate bar  and scoffed it wondering if my sugar levels were bottomless .

I noticed this strong fatigue and yawning a lot is similar to the side affects of when I was first put on meds .

Hope yours ends also ,take care my friend .

 

no worries I get your drift, I find always better to force self out for a bit rather than stay in bed or on sofa feeling defeated, it usually gives some mood lift, fatigue is all part of this, stay positive and you will be back into a window in no time, maybe try some meditation for your neuro emotions, if want to use headspace I can pm you my account details as Im not using it at the moment, 

 

hope tomorrow is better for you

 

cheers

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

Link to comment
14 minutes ago, Miko789 said:

Hi PowerBack. Whats up my friend?

 

The weekend gets good weather in the UK so take it a chance  and go out. Force yourself and go for a walk, near or far doesn't matter as long as you have a destination.. it definitely distract you from everything. Trust me.

I have a real hard time myself. 

All odds are against me.

Im very vulberable atm.

Broken sleep.

 

Take care

 

Hi miko my friend ,ye I wonder lately what scares me more the vulnerability or the rage moods I can get [not often lately] ,I think the vulnerability scares me more ,I was so weak out today that if anything happened I would be ill equipped to defend myself ,even paying attention to crossing the road but I stick to traffic lights ,here in Ireland we are divels for jay walking .

  Try and breakdown what or who's against you ,we have your back ,not much over the internet I know but every little thing helps .

Do all you can and you best to eat healthy.i consume[no pun intended lol] hours of nutrition videos every day ,gives me a feeling I'm learning so much about the body and how it works .

I just got a massage tool that works on points in  the neck ,it releases stress and tension ,research stress and tension in your body .

Be safe and take care . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
7 minutes ago, dj2010 said:

 

no worries I get your drift, I find always better to force self out for a bit rather than stay in bed or on sofa feeling defeated, it usually gives some mood lift, fatigue is all part of this, stay positive and you will be back into a window in no time, maybe try some meditation for your neuro emotions, if want to use headspace I can pm you my account details as Im not using it at the moment, 

 

hope tomorrow is better for you

 

cheers

Fairplay thanks mate ,you gave me a link a good while ago I'm sure for headspace  ,cheers for the offer ile take you up on it someday .it be lost on me at the moment  ,way to tired ,ile be asleep tonight by 9pm ide say .

Im not as distressed as yesterday ,enjoying a little music . the emotion releasing kind .tomorrow ile have some eye of the tiger on 😄.

Take care and be kind to your soul .

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy