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powerback: tapering no 2

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dj2010
23 minutes ago, powerback said:

Fairplay thanks mate ,you gave me a link a good while ago I'm sure for headspace  ,cheers for the offer ile take you up on it someday .it be lost on me at the moment  ,way to tired ,ile be asleep tonight by 9pm ide say .

Im not as distressed as yesterday ,enjoying a little music . the emotion releasing kind .tomorrow ile have some eye of the tiger on 😄.

Take care and be kind to your soul .

 

yes get some music going and relax, i'm sure you will be feeling a bit better tomorrow, going to get my bath going shortly 

 

enjoy your evening

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powerback
1 hour ago, dj2010 said:

yes get some music going and relax, i'm sure you will be feeling a bit better tomorrow, going to get my bath going shortly 

 

enjoy your evening

you too my friend enjoy your bath .

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powerback

I dedicate this to every kind soul going through the pain of withdrrawl and never stop the fight .

Peace .

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Littlegrandma

Oh wow. 

What a fitting song. Thanks PB

As if I haven’t cried enough today, though. 

Peace to you!

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powerback
8 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Oh wow. 

What a fitting song. Thanks PB

As if I haven’t cried enough today, though. 

Peace to you!

Hi LG its beautiful isn't it .hopefully it was a good self soothing compassionate  cry .

Peace to you  also my friend .

 

 

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wantrelief
5 hours ago, powerback said:

Im not as distressed as yesterday

I was so happy to read this, PB.  It sounded like yesterday was rough, so glad you felt better today.

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powerback
12 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I was so happy to read this, PB.  It sounded like yesterday was rough, so glad you felt better today.

Thanks WR your very kind .I appreciate your words .

Hope your well have a good day.

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peng

I have always found music can lift me most times, pb.  Yes , use it - as with me, it will transport you away from dreary thinking, yes?

We both love the outdoors, too.

I always feel better out of doors when the weather is fine and that environment really can lift us if we can face getting out the door to sample it.

I have been a fan of wild camping for 53 years.  I always feel something primeval stirs in me when I am among the heather and grasses in one of our glens in fine weather.  Rarely happier than when hanging around the camp and the fire with a tea or coffee and a seat in the sun.

Some workers believe this kind of contact with the natural world - which many uf us have lost since the Industrial Revolution - is one of the reasons for illness.

I have missed the last couple of years camping due to negative attitude to doing anything "enterprising".  We moved house, too.

Our new back garden is great, though.  Wooded area overhangs.

Wife and I went camping in the highlands from since I knew her in the mid 1960s.

We spent the first year of our life together in an old 30' residential caravan on a rural site in Ayrshire.  We were very happy.

Hope you can find the will to try and accomodate your dreams - maybe this way?

 

Even people one should love can seem toxic when one is ill/in withdrawal.

Heck, we have it tough in every direction.

Today, I am not suffering as badly as you, clearly, are, pb, but can relate to that level of thinking.

It is always helpful to know that others can relate to the struggle, and you get that here, chum.

Don't feel guilty about not running up hills and rocks.  The extreme fatigue we know is telling us to be kind to our bodies and minds, so a little gentle walking in benign conditions can bring us some gentle relief and balm.

Dont feel obliged to answer this post at length, man, I can see you are very conscientious on that front, actually, and have a need to answer, our each and every post.  Good for you! 

 

I have a soft spot for Ireland. We were going to go on a tour with tent in 1970, but the troubles flared up seriously, so never been yet!  My wife's father came over from rural Wexford in the 1920s.  I admired him a lot.  He grew up in poverty with no mother around and was the classic navvy in England, sleeping under hedges with maybe only a meat pie to eat for the day.  He eventually got to be a farm manager through hard work and got his own place.

 

Hang on, bhoy - I hope you get some signs of relief soon.

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powerback

Just finished a fairly comprehensive questionaire  online from a natural functional practioner  and its fairly damming ,I'm off the scale negatively  .

I warn anyone not to do this if in early withdrawal or easily triggered .this is my test and don't compare yourself to it.

 

loss of endorphins 

Gabba

Dopamine 

epinephrine and norepinephrine

 Acetylcholine 

serotonin [the only one I'm not as bad as the rest ]

 

Now I don't have any evidence to blame the meds or withdrawl for these results ,there's every chance these have been low my entire life and the reason I always reached for Alcohol and other means .I'm trying to have an approach from all angles and honesty to see were it brings me .I'm getting much more conflicting memories lately  of the positives and negatives of my time on meds .

I am in a  depression for quite some time but I am trying to find different ways than before but I can find I'm getting increasingly impatient and the feeling of disappearing is getting stronger  .i mite never be  able to forget my damaging history .I simply cant live like this for another year .even when I get motivated it doesn't go anywhere productive .

Now do I sit around and taper my meds and put up with the symptoms and more seriously others having to put up with me .I'm surmising  to myself here so mods don't worry about any advice ,thanks anyway .

The fact for 6 months I couldn't even get motivated to put up a shower head  bracket is extremely worrying ,this time last year I did up my parents kitchen ,whats next year  going to bring I wonder .I dread to imagine .

 

All this is painfully honest but I'm done hiding ,I'm doing it since I was a child and I'm sick to the back teeth of it .the last few weeks I have had excruciating memories of situations when I was a child of pure panic and fear ,this has blighted my life and no I'm not blaming my childhood but it was all there before I drank .quite frankly I'm amazed  I reached 30 years of age .[I'm 37].

I could go on but I'm going to stop myself because I don't want to depress anyone because believe me its quite depressing [not parents fault]

 

I believe you need to develop the tools to play the game of life and how do you play with your hands tied behind your back .

Constant rejection in childhood  damages the adult not just deprive the child.

Ile regret this maybe but I don't care anymore because sitting around getting drunk listening to D**kheads was never the answer either .

 

Thanks for reading everyone ,peace to you all .

PB .

 

 

 

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DoneWithThese

Hello PB,

 

I am new to this site but saw your posts - I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time getting off the drug! I'm also in the process of tapering off Venlafaxine (and eventually Buproprion and Trazadone). I've been on AD's for 18 years with two failed attempts to get off them. My understanding is that Venlafaxine withdrawal is "worse than getting off heroin" - I cannot believe that drugs like this exist. The pharmaceutical companies and doctors that prescribe AD's should be required to take them and then try to get off them. I bet they wouldn't produce or prescribe them anymore.

 

I may be covering topics you already know about, but have you tried NAD therapy? I'm still reading the forums and I don't know if there are any suggestions like this yet, but I was recently told by a friend (she also does my colonics) that many people suffering from AD withdrawal are going to places for IV therapy to help get through the withdrawal symptoms. Apparently these places are being used to utilize a specific withdrawal protocol in a medical facility. I'm currently in Florida and then my friend told me about is in Pensacola (I'm calling tomorrow to find out the specifics) - it's called The Bridgeway Institute if you want to look them up to see what it's about. I have no idea if it will help, but I wanted to pass it along in case there are places like that near you.

 

I'm also reading that coffee enemas are also really good for getting the liver functioning properly. The Gerson Institute in Mexico gives them multiple times a day to a patient to help them with all sorts of issues, including cancer (google Gerson Institute coffee enema for directions). In the US it is illegal to give a patient coffee enema therapy (but prescribing toxic drugs is ok - yeah, that makes sense) so I'm planning to do those at home. 

 

Sorry if these are repeats of what others have suggested. You sound exhausted (understandable to say the least), but please don't give up!

 

Sending healing vibes your way ...

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dj2010
12 hours ago, powerback said:

Just finished a fairly comprehensive questionaire  online from a natural functional practioner  and its fairly damming ,I'm off the scale negatively  .

I warn anyone not to do this if in early withdrawal or easily triggered .this is my test and don't compare yourself to it.

 

loss of endorphins 

Gabba

Dopamine 

epinephrine and norepinephrine

 Acetylcholine 

serotonin [the only one I'm not as bad as the rest ]

 

Now I don't have any evidence to blame the meds or withdrawl for these results ,there's every chance these have been low my entire life and the reason I always reached for Alcohol and other means .I'm trying to have an approach from all angles and honesty to see were it brings me .I'm getting much more conflicting memories lately  of the positives and negatives of my time on meds .

I am in a  depression for quite some time but I am trying to find different ways than before but I can find I'm getting increasingly impatient and the feeling of disappearing is getting stronger  .i mite never be  able to forget my damaging history .I simply cant live like this for another year .even when I get motivated it doesn't go anywhere productive .

Now do I sit around and taper my meds and put up with the symptoms and more seriously others having to put up with me .I'm surmising  to myself here so mods don't worry about any advice ,thanks anyway .

The fact for 6 months I couldn't even get motivated to put up a shower head  bracket is extremely worrying ,this time last year I did up my parents kitchen ,whats next year  going to bring I wonder .I dread to imagine .

 

All this is painfully honest but I'm done hiding ,I'm doing it since I was a child and I'm sick to the back teeth of it .the last few weeks I have had excruciating memories of situations when I was a child of pure panic and fear ,this has blighted my life and no I'm not blaming my childhood but it was all there before I drank .quite frankly I'm amazed  I reached 30 years of age .[I'm 37].

I could go on but I'm going to stop myself because I don't want to depress anyone because believe me its quite depressing [not parents fault]

 

I believe you need to develop the tools to play the game of life and how do you play with your hands tied behind your back .

Constant rejection in childhood  damages the adult not just deprive the child.

Ile regret this maybe but I don't care anymore because sitting around getting drunk listening to D**kheads was never the answer either .

 

Thanks for reading everyone ,peace to you all .

PB .

 

 

 

sorry you are feeling so bad, I would ignore any results you got from that website questionnaire, you cant take a simple questionnaire off some website and then say your low on all these neurotransmitters, you have just had blood tests and they were fine, it seems like your looking for things wrong with yourself when its the venlafaxine and withdrawal causing these issues,

 

need to remember all feelings are being intensified 1000% from withdrawal, 

 

i was very similar at the beginning of my taper, I had very little drive to do anything that involved effort, used to be sat there most days just watching tv with zero energy or drive, it wasn't until most of the drugs were out of my system that this fog of depression, severe anxiety and lethargy started to lift, fitting a shower head bracket would of been impossible for me also

 

you need to try and put all feelings to one side, be ultra selfish and just focus on yourself at the moment, you can pick up the pieces when you have got through this, my advice would be to focus solely on your taper ONLY IF you are able, I am certain this fog will lift when you get down to a lower dose,

 

still this is only my advice based on my own personal experience, check in with mods before you do anything

 

im rooting for you, hope you are better today,

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peng

I agree with your sound advice, dj2010.

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powerback
8 hours ago, DoneWithThese said:

Hello PB,

 

I am new to this site but saw your posts - I am so sorry you have had such a difficult time getting off the drug! I'm also in the process of tapering off Venlafaxine (and eventually Buproprion and Trazadone). I've been on AD's for 18 years with two failed attempts to get off them. My understanding is that Venlafaxine withdrawal is "worse than getting off heroin" - I cannot believe that drugs like this exist. The pharmaceutical companies and doctors that prescribe AD's should be required to take them and then try to get off them. I bet they wouldn't produce or prescribe them anymore.

 

I may be covering topics you already know about, but have you tried NAD therapy? I'm still reading the forums and I don't know if there are any suggestions like this yet, but I was recently told by a friend (she also does my colonics) that many people suffering from AD withdrawal are going to places for IV therapy to help get through the withdrawal symptoms. Apparently these places are being used to utilize a specific withdrawal protocol in a medical facility. I'm currently in Florida and then my friend told me about is in Pensacola (I'm calling tomorrow to find out the specifics) - it's called The Bridgeway Institute if you want to look them up to see what it's about. I have no idea if it will help, but I wanted to pass it along in case there are places like that near you.

 

I'm also reading that coffee enemas are also really good for getting the liver functioning properly. The Gerson Institute in Mexico gives them multiple times a day to a patient to help them with all sorts of issues, including cancer (google Gerson Institute coffee enema for directions). In the US it is illegal to give a patient coffee enema therapy (but prescribing toxic drugs is ok - yeah, that makes sense) so I'm planning to do those at home. 

 

Sorry if these are repeats of what others have suggested. You sound exhausted (understandable to say the least), but please don't give up!

 

Sending healing vibes your way ...

Hi DWT thanks for popping over nice to meet you  and welcome to SA ,thanks for all your suggestions .you've hit the nail on the head  ,I'm definitely exhausted that's for sure  .ile have a look at what you've suggested .I'm not going to tax my brain today   .a nice walk in the sun is all that's on the cards .

Take care and be well .

Peace .

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powerback
3 hours ago, dj2010 said:

sorry you are feeling so bad, I would ignore any results you got from that website questionnaire, you cant take a simple questionnaire off some website and then say your low on all these neurotransmitters, you have just had blood tests and they were fine, it seems like your looking for things wrong with yourself when its the venlafaxine and withdrawal causing these issues,

 

need to remember all feelings are being intensified 1000% from withdrawal, 

 

i was very similar at the beginning of my taper, I had very little drive to do anything that involved effort, used to be sat there most days just watching tv with zero energy or drive, it wasn't until most of the drugs were out of my system that this fog of depression, severe anxiety and lethargy started to lift, fitting a shower head bracket would of been impossible for me also

 

you need to try and put all feelings to one side, be ultra selfish and just focus on yourself at the moment, you can pick up the pieces when you have got through this, my advice would be to focus solely on your taper ONLY IF you are able, I am certain this fog will lift when you get down to a lower dose,

 

still this is only my advice based on my own personal experience, check in with mods before you do anything

 

im rooting for you, hope you are better today,

Hi DJ I hope your wave is easing for you .its funny because I wasn't actively looking for it ,I went to find a keto summit talk about keto flu and it brought me to the mans website ,I'm easily brought into these things lol.

today was my first keto breakfast ,ive been a long time eating my bucket of porridge lol,i need to be careful doing to much fat though because im so tired I cant exercise like usually so I wouldn't be long putting on weight.

I started an adrenal cocktail [.4oz orange juice,1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar ,dash of pink Himalayan  sea salt ].the potassium in the cream of tartar mix's with the vitamin c in the orange juice  and is good for the adrenal .

 

I get you on the tapering .I'm terrified of just one bead out making me bed bound so I'm watching it very closely .ile take a few hours in the  sun for total bed bound at the moment .

A lot in that post I put up has to do with my past and its very painful and I will always keep working on it ,I hope anyone reading can maybe take something from my honesty and start to heal what ever is in there pain.but be very careful and aware and practice self soothing compassion .

I will always follow healthier coping skills than I did before and they will build .

 

Thanks my friend I hope you get out into the sun today.

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powerback
5 hours ago, dj2010 said:

, it seems like your looking for things wrong with yourself 

this is genius my friend ,this corelates with work and reading up I'm doing  on silencing the inner critic and its origins and understanding my behaviour .its very interesting were it all originates from .I have a lot of healing to do in the coming years .

Thanks for the kick up the a*se my friend lol.

 

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powerback

Hi feel free to chime in if your bored 😁.

I just got a text from a friend who wants to meet tomorrow  ,we used to be very close and he kind of got caught up in this withdrawl when my system snapped .I worked with him also .he freaked I think and couldn't deal with my moods [I had to stop work anyhow ]

I'm very nervous about this meeting because I'm in an emotional wave and I cant even hide some of the neuro emotions .

Its very hard to make assumptions about others motives when I'm like this ,he was used to a very layed  back jokey character .

I know he is getting married next month and this will be a nightmare for me every peer from my school days would be at it 

 

.I cant go straight into explain myself mode ,I really must stop the urge to do this .

I was talking about these meds to him 4 years ago but  being the one to have the problem like I do just compounds my stress .

I've got some serious weird moods that I cant control and the thoughts of someone saying something and I snap or even burst  crying .

I thought I avoided this wedding .

I'm sure he misses the shoulder he used to have from me but this will never happen again because I simply didn't get anything back  .but there's 20 years of history and its hard to just  cut loose .

I think the best thing is to put on a massive front of more the character he was used to because its still there buried under the madness of withdrawl/

I appreciate the offload so thanks .

Peace.

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Littlegrandma

PB

Im bored!!

 

maybe meeting with him will be the kick you need to lift your mood for the day. A positive distraction. 

 

I find it it difficult to communicate on most days as my mind won’t let go of the wd and how poopy I feel. I usually don’t hear what people are saying. On those days, no distraction works for me. Then it just makes me feel like an insensitive, boring, bump on a log. 

But then sometimes if the person is outgoing, talkative, funny, I can get into it and enjoy myself. 

 

I mostly just see family members right now and I always end up in tears, venting my woes. But every couple weeks or so an old friend will pop in to the house, and somehow I remain strong, friendly and can sometimes enjoy the company. It brings back a little of who I used to be. 

 

Try not to overthink it. Don’t dwell on it today. Remember, we used to be able to make plans and meet with friends all the time. Something so natural and simple has become a hard task. But it shouldn’t be. The real PB is in there. Let him out for the day and enjoy your old friend. Hopefully he’s not just wanting your shoulder, but the friend he used to have. 

xx

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powerback
14 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

PB

Im bored!!

 

maybe meeting with him will be the kick you need to lift your mood for the day. A positive distraction. 

 

I find it it difficult to communicate on most days as my mind won’t let go of the wd and how poopy I feel. I usually don’t hear what people are saying. On those days, no distraction works for me. Then it just makes me feel like an insensitive, boring, bump on a log. 

But then sometimes if the person is outgoing, talkative, funny, I can get into it and enjoy myself. 

 

I mostly just see family members right now and I always end up in tears, venting my woes. But every couple weeks or so an old friend will pop in to the house, and somehow I remain strong, friendly and can sometimes enjoy the company. It brings back a little of who I used to be. 

 

Try not to overthink it. Don’t dwell on it today. Remember, we used to be able to make plans and meet with friends all the time. Something so natural and simple has become a hard task. But it shouldn’t be. The real PB is in there. Let him out for the day and enjoy your old friend. Hopefully he’s not just wanting your shoulder, but the friend he used to have. 

xx

Ah LG great you were bored 😄 thanks ,cheers for your input .there's a part of me that hates being the person that's like this and meeting people for too long makes it all to aware .this man actually owes me money and I sent him a scathing text a few months ago so I'm surprised I've heard from him .I don't want to get into a situation that only appeases he's guilt .there I go over thinking it lol but you get my drift .

I wont come off great either way if I reject the wedding invitation so ile see how it goes .

Thanks LG for your input and thoughts be well and respect to you. 

 

Scathing is a little over exaggeration I must admit .

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Littlegrandma

Ah, but that’s his guilt. Don’t turn it around. 

So, he pays you and you reconnect the friendship and enjoy his company. Life and relationships aren’t typically this hard. What is wrong with our brains. Why do we have to overthink everything? 

Its just 2 old friends getting together. Enjoy it. 

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powerback
6 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Ah, but that’s his guilt. Don’t turn it around. 

So, he pays you and you reconnect the friendship and enjoy his company. Life and relationships aren’t typically this hard. What is wrong with our brains. Why do we have to overthink everything? 

Its just 2 old friends getting together. Enjoy it. 

Exactly LG you pose a very good question "why does it have to be so hard ".I also don't have the patience to listen to first world problems anymore ,not for one second .trauma like our members suffer and deal with is real .ile give you an interesting anecdote ,this man once felt guilty that he couldn't afford to give he's 10 years child 50 euro for pocket money one day .I simply laughed to myself .maybe I've changed too much .

Anyway enough going on ,thanks LG for your input .

I think im due a nice long break soon from SA, im warring out my membership lately .it feels that way anyhow 🙂.

Take care .

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dj2010
19 hours ago, powerback said:

Hi DJ I hope your wave is easing for you .its funny because I wasn't actively looking for it ,I went to find a keto summit talk about keto flu and it brought me to the mans website ,I'm easily brought into these things lol.

today was my first keto breakfast ,ive been a long time eating my bucket of porridge lol,i need to be careful doing to much fat though because im so tired I cant exercise like usually so I wouldn't be long putting on weight.

I started an adrenal cocktail [.4oz orange juice,1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar ,dash of pink Himalayan  sea salt ].the potassium in the cream of tartar mix's with the vitamin c in the orange juice  and is good for the adrenal .

 

I get you on the tapering .I'm terrified of just one bead out making me bed bound so I'm watching it very closely .ile take a few hours in the  sun for total bed bound at the moment .

A lot in that post I put up has to do with my past and its very painful and I will always keep working on it ,I hope anyone reading can maybe take something from my honesty and start to heal what ever is in there pain.but be very careful and aware and practice self soothing compassion .

I will always follow healthier coping skills than I did before and they will build .

 

Thanks my friend I hope you get out into the sun today.

Hi Pb, wave passed thank god, let me know how the adrenal cocktail works for you, I might give this a go, yeh cant do if its going to leave you bed bound, 

 

try not to think about your past, you cant change anything, need to go easy on yourself 

 

18 hours ago, powerback said:

this is genius my friend ,this corelates with work and reading up I'm doing  on silencing the inner critic and its origins and understanding my behaviour .its very interesting were it all originates from .I have a lot of healing to do in the coming years .

Thanks for the kick up the a*se my friend lol.

 

 

its good that your looking into your behaviour but don't become too obsessed about it, don't want to start overthinking or letting it get you down, just need to focus mainly on keeping stress levels down and keeping yourself well,

 

going to be a hot day today so going to make the most of it and go for day out somewhere,

 

hope you are well today,

 

take care

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powerback
1 hour ago, dj2010 said:

Hi Pb, wave passed thank god, let me know how the adrenal cocktail works for you, I might give this a go, yeh cant do if its going to leave you bed bound, 

 

try not to think about your past, you cant change anything, need to go easy on yourself 

 

 

its good that your looking into your behaviour but don't become too obsessed about it, don't want to start overthinking or letting it get you down, just need to focus mainly on keeping stress levels down and keeping yourself well,

 

going to be a hot day today so going to make the most of it and go for day out somewhere,

 

hope you are well today,

 

take care

Brilliant enjoy your day out .thanks and be well my friend .

I  didn't judge the weather great yesterday and went out without my shorts 😣 .sweaty legs I had lol.

  

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powerback
23 hours ago, powerback said:

Hi feel free to chime in if your bored 😁.

I just got a text from a friend who wants to meet tomorrow  ,we used to be very close and he kind of got caught up in this withdrawl when my system snapped .I worked with him also .he freaked I think and couldn't deal with my moods [I had to stop work anyhow ]

I'm very nervous about this meeting because I'm in an emotional wave and I cant even hide some of the neuro emotions .

Its very hard to make assumptions about others motives when I'm like this ,he was used to a very layed  back jokey character .

I know he is getting married next month and this will be a nightmare for me every peer from my school days would be at it 

 

.I cant go straight into explain myself mode ,I really must stop the urge to do this .

I was talking about these meds to him 4 years ago but  being the one to have the problem like I do just compounds my stress .

I've got some serious weird moods that I cant control and the thoughts of someone saying something and I snap or even burst  crying .

I thought I avoided this wedding .

I'm sure he misses the shoulder he used to have from me but this will never happen again because I simply didn't get anything back  .but there's 20 years of history and its hard to just  cut loose .

I think the best thing is to put on a massive front of more the character he was used to because its still there buried under the madness of withdrawl/

I appreciate the offload so thanks .

Peace.

Hi I want to follow up with an update to this topic I posted .

I met my friend and it was a good thing to happen ,we cleared the air and I was thankful I didn't feel to cr*p to be able to chat .there is a lot to be said for dropping resentment and time really is the name of the game as all we know to well here . I talked about the friends that have supported me on SA through these dark times and how grateful I am .

Thanks littlegrandma for your boredom and input 🙂.

I wont bore with to much more detail,oh ye and he's wedding is in 2 weeks so that's a nice anxiety inducing worry for me .I told him ile do my best and if my body allows it I will go .

Thanks . 

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Littlegrandma

Good for you PB. Glad it was ok. Don’t put the cart before the horse. The wedding isn’t for a couple weeks. If you feel like going, then you go. Don’t start sweating it now. You know “we people” can’t make plans that far in advance anyway. 

😔 sigh

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powerback
3 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Good for you PB. Glad it was ok. Don’t put the cart before the horse. The wedding isn’t for a couple weeks. If you feel like going, then you go. Don’t start sweating it now. You know “we people” can’t make plans that far in advance anyway. 

😔 sigh

wise words LG and very true .I would like to go but I better be aware of putting pressure on myself .I was invited to a dinner tonight but he totally understood I don't do late nights [9pm] .I was adamant and have no worries with that plus I'm on a fairly strict diet ,I cant be out eating yummy food lol.

Get well soon LG.

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Littlegrandma

Thanks PB

 

9:00 is jammy time! And I don’t mean time to jam. It’s time for pj’s

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powerback

Hi everyone I've decided to go to the wedding on Friday I had previously been fretting about ,my mind is running wild with how will I socialize ,I will need a game plan to answer questions that will be put to me continuously ,these are people I grew up and done my drinking with ,I haven't seen a lot of them for years and simply could not relate to them anymore ,but I will need to stop the demon withdrawl pull me further into despair and use all the tools I have learned to not just get through it but actually enjoy myself .

We can forget we are humans in this process ,my critic is running wild with my low confidence but I deserve experience like anyone else .

The hotel is great and I can use the spa facilities in the morning when everyone else has sore heads .

I had one hell of an attack over the weekend of symptom's and especially depression but ile keep up he fight  .

This will be my first serious event in the 18 months of my withdrawl so I'm trying to see the positives .

Thanks and I hope everyone is well .

 

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dj2010
13 hours ago, powerback said:

Hi everyone I've decided to go to the wedding on Friday I had previously been fretting about ,my mind is running wild with how will I socialize ,I will need a game plan to answer questions that will be put to me continuously ,these are people I grew up and done my drinking with ,I haven't seen a lot of them for years and simply could not relate to them anymore ,but I will need to stop the demon withdrawl pull me further into despair and use all the tools I have learned to not just get through it but actually enjoy myself .

We can forget we are humans in this process ,my critic is running wild with my low confidence but I deserve experience like anyone else .

The hotel is great and I can use the spa facilities in the morning when everyone else has sore heads .

I had one hell of an attack over the weekend of symptom's and especially depression but ile keep up he fight  .

This will be my first serious event in the 18 months of my withdrawl so I'm trying to see the positives .

Thanks and I hope everyone is well .

 

hi Pb, I hope the wedding goes well for you, if it is too much don't force yourself to go especially if its going to send you into a wave, im in a similar situation, it is my friends wedding in August who I grew up with, I wont be going as its too much pressure, it is also a long way away, I feel terrible not going but im going to send a card with some money in and a explanation just saying been dealing with a few health issues etc, hopefully he will understand

 

hope you are well today

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Littlegrandma

Glad you’re going. It will be great. You’ll probably be the only sober one there, so you won’t get a word in edgewise anyway. Just sit back, take it all in and enjoy the festivities. 

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powerback
16 minutes ago, dj2010 said:

hi Pb, I hope the wedding goes well for you, if it is too much don't force yourself to go especially if its going to send you into a wave, im in a similar situation, it is my friends wedding in August who I grew up with, I wont be going as its too much pressure, it is also a long way away, I feel terrible not going but im going to send a card with some money in and a explanation just saying been dealing with a few health issues etc, hopefully he will understand

 

hope you are well today

Thanks for the reply DJ ,to be honest I don't even need this event to ramp up symptoms .I'm just so grateful to have the support from my friends on here because I'm really struggling with my confidence at the moment ,I've done self improvement along the way also .probably not the best thing to do but its were I found myself even before withdrawal .

I know I'm wanted there  so I need to believe in myself and practice my strategies to calm my raging critic .

I really appreciate the support from my friends here  on this because there will be one character [always been teetotal ] that seemed to be able to read my thoughts and slap me  with stomach punching  comments ,ile need to not react and be calm ,my partner cant go but I'm going with a close pal .

If I'm honest I have pushed people away ,maybe its time to test the water .

I have the sauna and relaxing jacuzzi planned for the next morning ,I'm not even sharing a room because I want my sleep and no way I'm being woken at 4am by my pal coming in drunk .

I mite even put in an AA meeting to keep me sharp ,I haven't been to one in a couple of years because of withdrawl .

 

I was listening to a quote from Rahm Das the other day "if they like me its there problem and if they don't like me its there problem"

Withdrawl is a major part of a much bigger journey I seem to be on for a good while and I've still a lot to go also .

 

 August is a while away but you are the only one that can  judge the situation but if you make the decision like you have then you don't have it ticking away in the back ground .you seem like a good friend to have around so maybe you don't see that yourself .

 

This is the wedding of the guy I haven't seen since I went into my worst symptom's 18 months ago,more than 20 years friendship ,we cleared the air last week and im grateful ,my destructive critic had this friendship gone for ever .the power of our minds is astonishing .

Its time to practice humility for me .

Thanks DJ for this today ,I feel like a 10 year old kid all morning so vulnerable .

Have a good day ,I hope your well . 

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powerback
37 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Glad you’re going. It will be great. You’ll probably be the only sober one there, so you won’t get a word in edgewise anyway. Just sit back, take it all in and enjoy the festivities. 

Ah LG your bored again 😄.Thanks LG your so kind .ile be doing plenty of Claire weekes  

I went to a wedding in Manchester Christmas 2016 and I had a great time sober but they were mostly strangers and I wasn't in withdrawl .

so this will be interesting that's for sure .

the groom is one that I need to stay connected with in my future ,most of the guests and myself were based around drink and I simply don't like a lot of there attitudes anymore and that's just life .

Thanks again LG for your support .

be kind to yourself . 

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powerback

I had an interesting situation earlier while out on a walk ,my anxiety is very high so my mind was going crazy with intrusive thoughts and jumpy at the branch's moving in the wind ,you know what I mean who ever has this   ,there's a walk all up hill after coming out of a woodland and I could spot a guy about 200 yards up the top ,its a narrow path .my anxiety went nuts and I was nearly panicking is this guy going to attack me [its very unusual to see someone stationary for too long at this area ] .I  kept on looking at him after deciding not to give into panic and turn back and I started to recognise who he was and I calmed down when we made conversation .he was just a local guy having he's beers in peace .

I had a little conversation with him   and I registered the situation for what it was .the irony is I was listening to a talk on youtube from Claire Weekes at the time .

Practice is key in this game but it can be overwhelming also ,its funny to look back on afterwards .I was imagining myself been chased through fields 😄.

 

Also I had an interesting realisation listening  to the old  audios from AA seminars  on youtube ,a few speakers mentioned the internal critic and dialog/chit chat that goes on in there mind .one guy said it very well and I can relate massively to it .he said "I can have a conversation/disagreement with a person and they are not even in the room ,this is genius to me .I'm doing this  countless years and especially the last day or two with the wedding coming up .there's a running theme with anyone that drinks or meds or food or exercises to an over the top degree .we are being dictated by our anxiety/OCD and our minds .

Take care .

 

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powerback

 

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dj2010
20 hours ago, powerback said:

Thanks for the reply DJ ,to be honest I don't even need this event to ramp up symptoms .I'm just so grateful to have the support from my friends on here because I'm really struggling with my confidence at the moment ,I've done self improvement along the way also .probably not the best thing to do but its were I found myself even before withdrawal .

I know I'm wanted there  so I need to believe in myself and practice my strategies to calm my raging critic .

I really appreciate the support from my friends here  on this because there will be one character [always been teetotal ] that seemed to be able to read my thoughts and slap me  with stomach punching  comments ,ile need to not react and be calm ,my partner cant go but I'm going with a close pal .

If I'm honest I have pushed people away ,maybe its time to test the water .

I have the sauna and relaxing jacuzzi planned for the next morning ,I'm not even sharing a room because I want my sleep and no way I'm being woken at 4am by my pal coming in drunk .

I mite even put in an AA meeting to keep me sharp ,I haven't been to one in a couple of years because of withdrawl .

 

I was listening to a quote from Rahm Das the other day "if they like me its there problem and if they don't like me its there problem"

Withdrawl is a major part of a much bigger journey I seem to be on for a good while and I've still a lot to go also .

 

 August is a while away but you are the only one that can  judge the situation but if you make the decision like you have then you don't have it ticking away in the back ground .you seem like a good friend to have around so maybe you don't see that yourself .

 

This is the wedding of the guy I haven't seen since I went into my worst symptom's 18 months ago,more than 20 years friendship ,we cleared the air last week and im grateful ,my destructive critic had this friendship gone for ever .the power of our minds is astonishing .

Its time to practice humility for me .

Thanks DJ for this today ,I feel like a 10 year old kid all morning so vulnerable .

Have a good day ,I hope your well . 

Hi Pb, your confidence will build in time just need to keep working on it, ive zero confidence in social situations at moment, if it wasn't for my wife and kids I would be completely isolated,

 

 yes best avoiding that guy and anyone else there who might trigger you, 

 

the sauna and jacuzzi sounds cool, you can have a relaxing morning while everyone else is suffering in bed with sore heads,

 

yes get a AA meeting in if needed, touching alcohol there would be a very bad move,

 

yes the friend who's wedding it is has tried visiting me many times over the last few years since I got back from Thailand and invited me out places etc but ive pushed him away and he's not visited now in well over a year, not a lot of confidence at moment as got bags under eyes and lost a lot of weight and muscle etc, hopefully will rebuild friendships when all this is over with,

 

im sure once the wedding is over it will give you a big confidence boost,

 

hope you are well today, going for a morning walk in the sun in moment,

 

take care

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powerback
2 hours ago, dj2010 said:

Hi Pb, your confidence will build in time just need to keep working on it, ive zero confidence in social situations at moment, if it wasn't for my wife and kids I would be completely isolated,

 

 yes best avoiding that guy and anyone else there who might trigger you, 

 

the sauna and jacuzzi sounds cool, you can have a relaxing morning while everyone else is suffering in bed with sore heads,

 

yes get a AA meeting in if needed, touching alcohol there would be a very bad move,

 

yes the friend who's wedding it is has tried visiting me many times over the last few years since I got back from Thailand and invited me out places etc but ive pushed him away and he's not visited now in well over a year, not a lot of confidence at moment as got bags under eyes and lost a lot of weight and muscle etc, hopefully will rebuild friendships when all this is over with,

 

im sure once the wedding is over it will give you a big confidence boost,

 

hope you are well today, going for a morning walk in the sun in moment,

 

take care

Enjoy your walk DJ ,I've started to up my walking lately so I need to be careful ,today's a rest day .I'le pick a shirt out for the wedding ,all my shirts are too big .in the years I'm off drink I'm down 3 stone lol .

The groom rang lastnight he's happy I'm going ,fills me with confidence ,I need to see what others see in me for now if my withdrawal doesn't allow It .

Take care and be well .

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dj2010
1 hour ago, powerback said:

Enjoy your walk DJ ,I've started to up my walking lately so I need to be careful ,today's a rest day .I'le pick a shirt out for the wedding ,all my shirts are too big .in the years I'm off drink I'm down 3 stone lol .

The groom rang lastnight he's happy I'm going ,fills me with confidence ,I need to see what others see in me for now if my withdrawal doesn't allow It .

Take care and be well .

thats great PB, it sounds like you have some good friends who are looking forward to seeing you, I am sure it will all be fine for you, dont worry too much what other people see in you though,

 

take care

 

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