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powerback: tapering no 2


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2 minutes ago, DaveB said:

I was not meaning to be confrontational or offensive. I know very little, just trying to help if I can. Nothing is worse than suffering feeling like you have no hope, I was just saying you may want to consider an updose back to the dose you were on when you were stable. Then taper from there rather than continue suffering with the feelings of hopelessness. Your choice and honestly you know yourself and your body better than anyone, I just hate to see people suffering. 

Ah thanks Dave I apologise for sounding  defensive .my heart is feeling bad for that  [so I must still be human :D] .

I honestly like your input and I thank you ,that's a good thing you have ,empathic ,be careful you don't ware yourself out and be safe .

I know this kind of constant suffering is fairly "insane".

I must pop to your thread since you were kind to offer support .

Thanks Dave .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Powerback, I once got to the stage of rocking backwards and forwards I was so depressed, and screaming endlessly.  It wasn't in withdrawal that I know of, but given what I know now it may have been withdrawal, I thought it was depressed at the time.

 

I likewise never talk to my family about any of my meds, as they just look terrified and panic a lot.

 

I am doing well but only maintaining as I am house buying and finding I am not sleeping with it all.

 

I also know what you mean about counselling, the quality can be so poor it can actually make things worse.

 

Do you think your immune system is low due to the stress of withdrawal.  The only bad cold I have had for decades was when I got down low in dose.  I think it is possible that withdrawal lowers the immune system, just like dementia can cause the auto immune system to fail.

 

Random thoughts, I admire you for sticking to your guns.  Keep us all informed.  Is your weight stable?  Some people seem to loose a lot of weight in withdrawal.

 

Take care

 

Joy

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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48 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

Powerback, I once got to the stage of rocking backwards and forwards I was so depressed, and screaming endlessly.  It wasn't in withdrawal that I know of, but given what I know now it may have been withdrawal, I thought it was depressed at the time.

 

I likewise never talk to my family about any of my meds, as they just look terrified and panic a lot.

 

I am doing well but only maintaining as I am house buying and finding I am not sleeping with it all.

 

I also know what you mean about counselling, the quality can be so poor it can actually make things worse.

 

Do you think your immune system is low due to the stress of withdrawal.  The only bad cold I have had for decades was when I got down low in dose.  I think it is possible that withdrawal lowers the immune system, just like dementia can cause the auto immune system to fail.

 

Random thoughts, I admire you for sticking to your guns.  Keep us all informed.  Is your weight stable?  Some people seem to loose a lot of weight in withdrawal.

 

Take care

 

Joy

Ye I reckon my immune system is rock bottom[no proof ] ,I'm getting to the point I'm not recovering from illness .its funny the last time I can remember being this sick the last few weeks was when I was a child ,I fear my immune system is so sick its triggering horrible flash backs from childhood . 

Its a job just to find a chiropractor qualified enough to diagnose anything wrong  with the immune system.

Ye weight is stable ,I was getting skinny but I put that down to a good diet and exercise but I'm at a steady weight ,I was overweight in my drinking days [bold boy :D].

 

Ive done enough reading  to make an informed decision  when it comes to meds at this stage so thanks for the admiration joy .if they had ever done me enough positives ide question my sanity coming off them ,this is constantly on my mind lately .I'm getting very strong anxiety ,I remember having as a kid [no idea back then I had anxiety ],but I realise on this journey now what it was .

 

I grieve and feel so sorry for that little child  now looking back ,I simply hadn't a chance to have a normal life growing up with such torment .I often ask myself what in the world did my parents think or do  ,but if I was brought to a doctor no doubt it would be meds .they got me in the end ,just 20 years later lol.

I believe this to be growth for me because I usually look back with resentment,im actually feeling sorry for my hurt  as a kid . 

 

Good you doing good joy .hope your house buying gets smoother .  

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On ‎15‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 12:03 PM, powerback said:

Having a pretty heavy emotional spiral and this has helped beautifully to release .

 

I need a listen to this ,quoting my own thread :D 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hey PB,  I just thought I would say a few words after reading of your more recent torment.  Just know that you are so loved here on SA.  This is such a tough experience.  You have my support PB. Also thank you for posting the Enya clip...it helped improve my day :) love and hugs. K xo 

  • Citalopram 20mg - 40mg ~ approx 2010 - October 2015 (stopped over one week)
  • Parnate  20mg - 50mg and olazapine 5mg ~ Jan 2016 - May 2016 (ceased over 2 days) 
  • Lithium 450mg-900 mg and Thyroxin ~May 2016 - May 2017
  • Diazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ 2015 - 2017
  • Oxazepam various doses (including PRN) ~ May 2016 - June 2016
  • Lurasidone 20mg ~Mid May 2016 - Mid June 2016
  • Vortioxetine 10mg - 20mg ~ 6th June 2016 - 20th July 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Amitriptyline 200mg ~July 2016 - September 2016 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Nortriptyline  (dose ?) ~October 2016 ~ November 2016 (abruptly ceased)
  • Seroquel XR 100mg - 300mg ~ May 2016 - August 2017 (ceased over 3 weeks)
  • Escitalopram 10mg - 30mg ~ August 2016 - March 2017 (ceased over 2 weeks)
  • Bupropion 300mg ~ December 2016 - May 2017 (ceased over 1 week)
  • Clonazepam 1.5mg daily ~ July 2016 (started tapering May 2017 - September 2017 currently on 0.375mg..ie 0.125mg TDS) 27th May 2018 5% 0.357mg (possible paradoxical reaction - see benzo thread)  28th June 5% 0.337mg, 28th July 10% 0.303mg, 12th September10% 0.272mg, 18th September reinstated 10% due to intolerable WD 0.303mg, 1st October-11th Oct 10% (1% reduction over 10 days) 0.272mg, 22nd October clonazepam ceased crossed over 10mg diazepam
  •  Dexamphatamine 20mg ~ December 2016 (started tapering October 2017 - tapered 1.25mg 4th Dec 2017, 1.25mg 19th Dec 2017 6.25mg, Speed up decrease due to major interaction between Dex and fluoxetine- ref to thread 10% 17th Feb 2018 5.63mg, 10% 21st Feb 2018 5.1mg, 10% 26th Feb 2018 4.5mg 10% 28th Feb 4.1mg, 10% 1st March 3.7mg, 10% 5th March 3.3mg, 10% 8th March 3mg, 10% 10th March 2.7mg, 10% 12th March 2.4mg, 10% 14th March 2.16mg, 10% 16th March 1.94mg, 10% 18th March 1.74mg, 10% 20th March 1.57mg, 10% 21st March 1.41mg, 10% 22nd March 1.26mg, 10% 23rd March 1.13mg, 10% 24th March 1.01mg, 10% 25th March 0.9mg, 10% 27th March 0.81mg, 10% 29th March 0.73mg, 10% 31st March 0.66mg, 10% 2nd April 0.59mg , 10% 4th April 0.53mg, 10% 6th April 0.47mg, 10% 8th April 0.42mg, 10%10th April 0.37mg, 11th April 0.2mg, 12th April 0.1mg (last dose) OFF! 
  • Fluoxetine 40mg ~December 2016 - 31 Jan 2018 reduced to 20mg (probable serotonin toxicity) 10th March 2020 10mg (1:1 ratio), 7th April 9mg, 1st May 8.5mg, 15th May 8.0mg, 27th May 7.5mg, 8th Sept 7.2mg, 2nd Oct 7mg, 19th Oct 6.8mg, 28th Oct 6.6mg, 5th Nov 6.4mg, 26th Nov 6mg, 2nd April 2021 5.9mg, 9th April 5.8mg, 19th April 5.75mg, 22nd April 5.7mg, 26th April 5.65mg,28th April 5.6mg, 1st May 5.5mg, 4th May 5.45mg, 7th May 5.4mg, 10th May 5.35mg, 12th May 5.3mg, 15th May 5.25mg, 18th May 5.2mg, 20th May 5.15mg, 22nd May 5mg, 10th July 4.5mg, 9th Aug 4.48mg (switched from syringe to pipette method), 12th Aug 4.46mg, 14th Aug 4.4mg, 18th Aug 4.38mg, 19th Aug 4.36mg, 20th Aug 4.34, 21st 4.32mg, 22nd 4.3mg, 23rd Aug 4mg (hold), (micro-taper) 12th Oct 2021 3.98mg, 14th Oct 3.96mg, 15th Oct 3.94mg, 16th Oct 3.92mg, 17th Oct 3.9mg, 18th Oct 3.88mg, 19th Oct 3.86mg, 21st Oct 3.84mg, 22nd Oct 3.82mg, 23rd Oct 3.8mg, 24th Oct 3.78mg, 25th Oct 3.76mg, 26th Oct 3.74mg, 27th Oct 3.72mg, (WD reached intolerable level, reinstated 0.06mg) 28th Oct 3.8mg, 7th March 2022 3.7mg, 21st March 3.6mg, 4th April 3.5mg, 18th April 3.4mg, 2nd May 3.3mg, 16th May 3.2mg, 20th June 3.1mg, 4th July 3mg, 18th July 2.9mg, 12th September 2.7mg, 18th October 2.5mg, 14th Nov 2.3mg, 12th December 2.1mg, 18th January 2023 1.9mg, 9th July 2023 1.88mg, 16th July 1.86mg, 23rd July 1.84mg, 30th July 1.82mg, 6th Aug 1.80mg, 10th Sept 1.7mg, 12th Oct 1.68mg, 23rd Oct 1.66mg, 30th Oct 1.64mg, 6th Nov 1.62mg, 13th Nov 1.60mg, (2:1 ratio) 30th Dec 1.597mg, 7th Jan 2024 1.595mg, 8th 1.592mg,  10th 1.589, 11th 1.587, 12th 1.585, 13th 1.583, 14th 1.58 cont… 5th Feb 1.56mg, 11th Feb 1.55mg, 19th Feb 1.54mg, 26th Feb 1.53mg, 4th March 1.52mg, 11th March 1.51mg, 25th March 1.50mg, 1st April 1.49mg
  • Diazepam 10mg ~ 22nd Oct 2018, 10th November 8mg, 14th Nov 7mg, 8th December 6mg, 30th December 5mg (Nocte), 7th March 2019 4.5mg,14th March 4mg, 5th April 3.5mg, 9th April 3mg, 18th April 2.5mg,1st May 2mg, 17th May 1.75mg, 25th May 1.6mg, 4th June 1.59mg, 5th June 1.58mg, 6th June 1.57mg, 7th June 1.56mg, 8th June 1.55mg, 22nd June 1.4mg, 4th July 1.2mg, 16th July 1mg, 30th July 0.8mg, 13th Aug 0.6mg, 28th Aug 0.4mg, 10th Sept 0.2mg, 23rd Sept Off! 
  • SR Circadin 2mg (melatonin) 25th May - 20th June 
  • Zolpidem 10mg 25th May (7 tablets)
  • Supplements: Magnesium glycinate (soluble - sip throughout the day) 

 

"Whenever you feel yourself doubting how far you can go,  just remember how far you have come.  Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome"    Unknown 

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10 minutes ago, Kristine said:

Hey PB,  I just thought I would say a few words after reading of your more recent torment.  Just know that you are so loved here on SA.  This is such a tough experience.  You have my support PB. Also thank you for posting the Enya clip...it helped improve my day :) love and hugs. K xo 

HI K your so kind ,ile let your lovely comment sit and  warm my heart ,its been brutal but it wont be for nothing that's for sure .

I hate to trigger anyone so I will try keep them kind of posts to a minimum .

I went and done some late night shopping and got some bargains ,loved the supermarket so late ,such peace lol.

I'm glad to be apart of SA ,its nice interacting with humans on a visceral  core .

Its a beautiful video isn't it .

I need to find an outlet to work and release 30 odd years of hurt ,I cant even research at the moment but I'm around for the long haul .nothing of any worth came easy I suppose .

Thanks for the support ,ditto to you also .

Be safe . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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I'm dressed and ready to leave the house for a walk but I'm hit with strong agraphobia ,can't bare to stay in or go out ,I usually override this easily and plod on .

I can't bare to see my partners face if I'm lying in the bed when she comes home later ,I fear the words,"ive had enoyugh "daily from her .

The anxiety is draining my energy .

I can't bare thiswave .I haven't he energy.im sick to my stomach.

 

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Took a deep breath put the shades on and left the house ,I'm glad I burst past it ,its a nice sunny day .can't turn off the negative/intrusive thoughts in my head no matter how much I listen to Eckhart Tolle,ah well can't have it all 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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I can feel my whole nervous system buzzing ,maybe its no coincidence after my big plate of spag bowl .the food will have to get extremely strict .its simply not possible to live with such torment ,a glass being put on a glass table is like a sledge hammer .I'm walking around the house with big ear protection .

Anyone got a security guard I can borrow and put them in my kitchen for my own protection .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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29 minutes ago, powerback said:

I can feel my whole nervous system buzzing ,maybe its no coincidence after my big plate of spag bowl .the food will have to get extremely strict .its simply not possible to live with such torment ,a glass being put on a glass table is like a sledge hammer .I'm walking around the house with big ear protection .

Anyone got a security guard I can borrow and put them in my kitchen for my own protection .

 

Has anyone else told you why they think you are not stabilizing even though you have been holding steady for so long? I am not going to lie, as someone holding, hoping to stabilize, your story and the fact you are not getting more stable is kind of demoralizing (I am sure more-so for you obviously). Are you feeling any better with your hold than you were in say December or October even? I would be interested to hear @Gridleyor @brassmonkey's opinions on this. 

2008 - October 28th, 2016: Zoloft 50 - 150 mgs, settled on 50mgs from 2011 - 2016.
January 23rd - March 1st 2017: Zoloft 50mgs, direct switch to Lexapro.
March 1st - May 1st 2017: Lexapro 10 mgs, down to 5mgs for a week, then off.
June 1st - July 31st 2017: Paxil 20mgs, Lyrica 600mgs
August 1st - September 30th 2017: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
October 1st  - November 12th 2017: Paxil 60mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
November 12th, 2017 - September 4th 2018: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs 

September 4th - September 27th: Paxil 30mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

September 28th - November 7th: Paxil 20mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs (Also Testosterone Therapy started in June 2018 and ended in November 2018)

November 7th 2018 - February 22nd 2019: Paxil 10mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

February 22nd 2019 - April 17th: Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin 1mgs

April 17th - Now: Zoloft 25mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin .5mgs

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11 hours ago, DaveB said:

 

Has anyone else told you why they think you are not stabilizing even though you have been holding steady for so long? I am not going to lie, as someone holding, hoping to stabilize, your story and the fact you are not getting more stable is kind of demoralizing (I am sure more-so for you obviously). Are you feeling any better with your hold than you were in say December or October even? I would be interested to hear @Gridleyor @brassmonkey's opinions on this. 

Hi Dave,try not to let my case compare to your own,there are so many variables in someones case,you can easily stabalise ahead of me and you will.

I could simply have crappy genetics .Im probably a very poor matabaliser of these meds. 

My sister has worked out she can't take alot of meds because she's sensitive so I'm very likely the same .

Thanks for bringing my situation the attention.

I won't lie ,I'm fairly depressed because of this but I'll keep fighting.

I wonder about puting the 6 beads back,I was marketly better in the summer.

 

Take care Dave and keep yourself well.

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On 21/02/2018 at 9:13 AM, powerback said:

Its a beautiful video isn't it .

 

Gave me goose bumps.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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36 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Gave me goose bumps.

HI CC ,the enya vid , brilliant  isn't it .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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14 hours ago, DaveB said:

 

Has anyone else told you why they think you are not stabilizing even though you have been holding steady for so long? I am not going to lie, as someone holding, hoping to stabilize, your story and the fact you are not getting more stable is kind of demoralizing (I am sure more-so for you obviously). Are you feeling any better with your hold than you were in say December or October even? I would be interested to hear @Gridleyor @brassmonkey's opinions on this. 

Hi dave this is a reply that MP has given lately ,she was very good to go through my thread and came up with her non judgemental  opinion.

I just want to show you this so for you not to freak yourself out unnecessarily .we can take positives from others inadvertent "mistakes" rather than panic  ourselves  into the very example/story we are reading and believe this will be us .

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, powerback said:

Hi dave this is a reply that MP has given lately ,she was very good to go through my thread and came up with her non judgemental  opinion.

I just want to show you this so for you not to freak yourself out unnecessarily .we can take positives from others inadvertent "mistakes" rather than panic  ourselves  into the very example/story we are reading and believe this will be us .

 

 

Good info PB, looks like your 2017 was much like mine with lots of changes. Makes sense why we are in the same boat at this point. Thank you for not taking offense to my post, I am just concerned for you, but I would agree a nice long hold will do us both the good we need. Keep fighting and you will get there!

2008 - October 28th, 2016: Zoloft 50 - 150 mgs, settled on 50mgs from 2011 - 2016.
January 23rd - March 1st 2017: Zoloft 50mgs, direct switch to Lexapro.
March 1st - May 1st 2017: Lexapro 10 mgs, down to 5mgs for a week, then off.
June 1st - July 31st 2017: Paxil 20mgs, Lyrica 600mgs
August 1st - September 30th 2017: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
October 1st  - November 12th 2017: Paxil 60mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
November 12th, 2017 - September 4th 2018: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs 

September 4th - September 27th: Paxil 30mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

September 28th - November 7th: Paxil 20mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs (Also Testosterone Therapy started in June 2018 and ended in November 2018)

November 7th 2018 - February 22nd 2019: Paxil 10mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

February 22nd 2019 - April 17th: Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin 1mgs

April 17th - Now: Zoloft 25mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin .5mgs

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1 minute ago, DaveB said:

 

Good info PB, looks like your 2017 was much like mine with lots of changes. Makes sense why we are in the same boat at this point. Thank you for not taking offense to my post, I am just concerned for you, but I would agree a nice long hold will do us both the good we need. Keep fighting and you will get there!

nothing to apologise for Dave,your grand  ,I'm concerned myself but I have to stop letting the panic override my system ,its not healthy what so ever to us .the simplest things can set me off ,so I am trying to get to a point were I just don't care about certain stuff in life so not to freak out.

Society has a huge grip on us when we are healthy let alone sick,so I avoid getting pulled into senseless debates about neighbours or gossip ,my father is awful for this ,he also has a huge pain body and I cant get drawn into that .

We keep fighting Dave of course ,take care . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Congratulations on being 3 years sober!  I come from a huge family of alcoholics...my dad died of cirrhosis at 39, my brother died at age 40, and I have two alcoholic sons.  I know just how powerful alcohol is, and you overcame that and that says a lot!  It just MIGHT BE that you are still recovering from what the alcohol did to your brain and it is tired and needs a rest from change.  So, though I am not sure from your signature, if you are holding,  I think you should consider holding for a good long time, unless you are convinced that it is the effexor that is making you so ill.

 

Maintaining sobriety is not an easy task for your brain.  You are doing two things...holding on in the early years of sobriety AND tapering a powerful drug.  If you must taper now, working on accepting that this is likely going to take longer than you wished, is probably the best course you can take.  You are young enough to do this.  You will do it.  You did it with alcohol and many people can't do that. (including my second son who is now, I am afraid, about to hit his bottom as we sit helplessly on the sidelines just waiting)  There is nothing left we, as his parents, can do; he isn't asking for help and we can't force it on him.

 

I apologize if this observation/opinion is redundant.  I read about 1/4 of your thread so you may have gotten this message multiple times, but it always bears repeating.  I have to say it to myself!

 

I will be sitting on the sidelines cheering you one, even while holding, because knowing when it is time to hold, and doing so, takes courage just as much as tapering does.

 

Grace

  • amitriptyline from 1980-2002,
  • intermittent  use of benzos over 2 decades prior to 2002
  • 2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg
  • 2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T )
  • tapered valium w/ long holds to 12.74 mg. from a high of approximately 20-30 mg/day
  • 2015-2023 tapered trileptal to 98 mg.  had to completely stop tapering due to multiple chronic, serious health issues
  • currently 2024 still on 98 mg. trileptal and 4 mg. remeron
  •   Currently on benzo hold as I have to cross-over from brand-name valium to generic diazepam.   The diazepam is way weaker and brought on severe acute w/d
  • Current dose of diazepam is 7.9 and valium is 6.6.  I had to up-dose the total valium/diazepam from 12.74 to 14.5 where I have stayed since June 2023.  I am crossing over to generic at a somewhat tolerable rate of .3mg/month after about 2 months of trial/error w/ updosing.  I am not currently tapering; will continue to cross over. 

 

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warning do not compare what I say here to your own case .

feel free to comment .

I cant get the thought out of my head that holding is not  working ,I'm in an awful state ,everything I know as my life is always just seconds from being snatched away .I cant keep waiting this out .

this isn't even about wanting to hold down a job and do the normal things ,its functioning on the smallest level ,what has led to this level of fall out is beyond me.

I cant get away from the fact taking this med is paradoxical so why am I tapering ,I believe tapering might never been a choice for me to begin with ,because I came to the site crashed .

 

every symptom is extreme and all I'm doing is getting better at ignoring how bad it is ,you see the problem is I cant function and do normal things because of withdrawl and then that sets off a merry go round of sick and depression .I'm the first one to recommend mindfulness but its simply not an option at this level of stress .

In 8 months ive at least 10 times I'm shaking with panic  and feeling like death and should be sedated ,the simplest things trigger me .

 

I suppose my only option is up or down and see what happens.

 

I actually miss that numbing feeling I used to have and that's saying a lot coming from me.

 

Its beyond comprehension how I've been left because of a drug and people will think oh he's only tapering one drug but I'm rarely stable in a year and a half .

This is throwing up all kinds of thoughts about what was my original  homostastis  to begin with .

Respect to everyone .

 

 

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Has anyone got tips to help family cope rather than understand.

this is going on so long that it pains my heart to see my mam suffer ,I cant even believe its come to this .the poor women will end up sick and I wont come back from that guilt .

Thanks .

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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19 hours ago, savinggrace said:

Congratulations on being 3 years sober!  I come from a huge family of alcoholics...my dad died of cirrhosis at 39, my brother died at age 40, and I have two alcoholic sons.  I know just how powerful alcohol is, and you overcame that and that says a lot!  It just MIGHT BE that you are still recovering from what the alcohol did to your brain and it is tired and needs a rest from change.  So, though I am not sure from your signature, if you are holding,  I think you should consider holding for a good long time, unless you are convinced that it is the effexor that is making you so ill.

 

Maintaining sobriety is not an easy task for your brain.  You are doing two things...holding on in the early years of sobriety AND tapering a powerful drug.  If you must taper now, working on accepting that this is likely going to take longer than you wished, is probably the best course you can take.  You are young enough to do this.  You will do it.  You did it with alcohol and many people can't do that. (including my second son who is now, I am afraid, about to hit his bottom as we sit helplessly on the sidelines just waiting)  There is nothing left we, as his parents, can do; he isn't asking for help and we can't force it on him.

 

I apologize if this observation/opinion is redundant.  I read about 1/4 of your thread so you may have gotten this message multiple times, but it always bears repeating.  I have to say it to myself!

 

I will be sitting on the sidelines cheering you one, even while holding, because knowing when it is time to hold, and doing so, takes courage just as much as tapering does.

 

Grace

Hi SG thanks for your insight I'm glad to have it ,sorry for your troubles.Alcohol is a beast and its pretty strong at turning off all the discomfort we want turned off .I was under the spell of meds when I came off  alcohol so the test is now really ,the drug has no affects its just pooped out and the only reason for tapering is to prevent the worst but I cant see it get much worse .

I was a huge binge drinker ,Ireland is drowning in alcohol ,80% drink to self medicate I reckon .

looking back its why I did it as a teenager .

I wasn't dependant on it but it definitely got in the way of life so in that aspect there's no difference I think .  

 

My mother will have me admitted at this rate ,the tragic irony of it .

I don't see her often the last few months but I couldn't hide my fears and anger of my situation today ,my heart bleeds for her ,her other kids emigrated years ago and the one here is in this state .I gave her a good hug and said ile never give up fighting ,don't think it reassured her though .

Yep holding since October but all I want to do today is bin them ,total feel paradoxical ,but do I take the chance and suffer more .

Take care SG.

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Congratulations on being 3 years sober!  I come from a huge family of alcoholics...my dad died of cirrhosis at 39, my brother died at age 40, and I have two alcoholic sons.  I know just how powerful alcohol is, and you overcame that and that says a lot!  It just MIGHT BE that you are still recovering from what the alcohol did to your brain and it is tired and needs a rest from change.  So, though I am not sure from your signature, if you are holding,  I think you should consider holding for a good long time, unless you are convinced that it is the effexor that is making you so ill.

 

Maintaining sobriety is not an easy task for your brain.  You are doing two things...holding on in the early years of sobriety AND tapering a powerful drug.  If you must taper now, working on accepting that this is likely going to take longer than you wished, is probably the best course you can take.  You are young enough to do this.

  • amitriptyline from 1980-2002,
  • intermittent  use of benzos over 2 decades prior to 2002
  • 2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg
  • 2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T )
  • tapered valium w/ long holds to 12.74 mg. from a high of approximately 20-30 mg/day
  • 2015-2023 tapered trileptal to 98 mg.  had to completely stop tapering due to multiple chronic, serious health issues
  • currently 2024 still on 98 mg. trileptal and 4 mg. remeron
  •   Currently on benzo hold as I have to cross-over from brand-name valium to generic diazepam.   The diazepam is way weaker and brought on severe acute w/d
  • Current dose of diazepam is 7.9 and valium is 6.6.  I had to up-dose the total valium/diazepam from 12.74 to 14.5 where I have stayed since June 2023.  I am crossing over to generic at a somewhat tolerable rate of .3mg/month after about 2 months of trial/error w/ updosing.  I am not currently tapering; will continue to cross over. 

 

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Oh, man, Powerback...I wish I could give your mom a big hug myself.  I have 3 sons, one of whom barely maintains sobriety so he is very difficult to deal with, thus a feeble relationship at best, the other one is about to hit his bottom any minute, and God bless him, though he drinks more than I wish, my third son is my saving grace, along with my husband.  Meanwhile, their mom is going down, though only my youngest knows about the psych drug dependence.

 

I worried all night that I said too much to you yesterday....that I should have just shut up.  Powerback, I am seriously suicidal a good portion of the time.  Yesterday, I literally laid on my back staring at the ceiling for a good portion of the day/night.  I have some serious co-existing conditions, possibly exacerbated by the drugs (big time pain and GI problems) so I want to die most of the time.

 

I have been holding about 4 months between cuts of my excruciatingly slow taper off trileptal, and though I have not felt stable when I cut again, I have continued to cut because I am absolutely certain that these drugs have made me very very sick (not just withdrawal sick, but systemically)  I walk a  fine line between exacerbating my spine pain and GI dysfunction with the taper, but I continue.  I don't want to explain why here, but this is the ONLY thing that helps me hold.  I absolutely KNOW that every day I hold I give my brain more time to figure out what the h##k is going on, and to remodel and try to get some homeostasis.  I can't remember my last window (good day) but I can tell you this...I have kept a journal, and my better spells (which isn't saying much except that I sleep better and feel a tad optimistic) come and go with no apparent pattern, though usually the third month of tapering gets better and then the fourth month gets worse again.  Now that I have reached my 50% reduction of trileptal, I am planning on no tapering for maybe a year.  That said, that is my plan.  My worsening physical condition, and possible "no choice" medical intervention, MAY mess up this plan completely.

 

I try to accept what comes my way.  I do the whole mindfulness thing though I am not exactly sure what that means to you.  If it means I grab onto the "moments" of not ruminating on my misery, on feeling even a spark of joy, then that is definitely what I do.  I express gratitude to God and everyone I know for those moments.  They are fleeting but they happen.  Meanwhile, my brain is resting from change.

 

I am afraid that if you updose you may experience worse symptoms.  Of course, no one really knows what will happen.  I believe all medicine goes paradoxical on me.  I NEVER have an expected reaction to anything.  My nervous system is shot, and so is yours, from what I read.  Oh, how I wish I could alleviate some of this pain and distress for you....i really do.  One thing I am sure of...don't let anyone talk you into going faster...NO...you will become further de-stabiized.    A cold turkey will land you in a hospital, losing all control of what happens to you. I am pretty sure...that is why I haven't just done it.  I acquiesce to the moderators on updosing or not and how much.   I DO think you have made major progress with just the alcohol alone.  Perhaps it was too early to start an effexor taper but that ship has sailed...perhaps an updose will help, though from what I have read over and over here, this far out it may make no difference or make things worse. 

 

Trying to stay calm, do soothing things for your body, like your walks in the sun, maybe an epsom salts bath, soothing music...anything to do distract you...will get you through.

 

This is what I know about you.  You haven't gone crazy from all this yet because though you feel as bad as you do, and are scared out of your mind (as I am) you are still able to communicate clearly and even express compassion and suffering from those who are likely better off than you.

 

I WISH I HAD AN ANSWER for you...but I don't.  All I can say is I care, I believe time is on your side, but whatever choice you make is yours, because you are living it.  The consequences of your choices will be yours.  All of us here at SA, just want to keep those consequences as harmless, and better yet, helpful as possible.

 

BTW, I am very Irish, though I have never been to Ireland.  I hate blaming the alcohol problem in our family to my ancestry, but our family embodies the typical stereotype of the Irish...which I hate...though I still cling to my Irish ancestry with pride  (O'Brien is my maiden name...and I gave it to my 3 sons as their middle names... and they gave it to their children as well. 

 

I hope you catch (caught) a ray of sun today.

 

Grace

  • amitriptyline from 1980-2002,
  • intermittent  use of benzos over 2 decades prior to 2002
  • 2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg
  • 2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T )
  • tapered valium w/ long holds to 12.74 mg. from a high of approximately 20-30 mg/day
  • 2015-2023 tapered trileptal to 98 mg.  had to completely stop tapering due to multiple chronic, serious health issues
  • currently 2024 still on 98 mg. trileptal and 4 mg. remeron
  •   Currently on benzo hold as I have to cross-over from brand-name valium to generic diazepam.   The diazepam is way weaker and brought on severe acute w/d
  • Current dose of diazepam is 7.9 and valium is 6.6.  I had to up-dose the total valium/diazepam from 12.74 to 14.5 where I have stayed since June 2023.  I am crossing over to generic at a somewhat tolerable rate of .3mg/month after about 2 months of trial/error w/ updosing.  I am not currently tapering; will continue to cross over. 

 

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Thanks SG ile pass the hug on .

I don't really blame my ancestry on my drinking ,I blame my genetics ,is there even a difference lol.i just seemed the genetic type that reached for crutches  and my childhood is marred by doctors and prescription pads ,this is all so painful for my ego to admit but hey its better than burring my head in the sand .

I was honoured that you said anything ,don't worry .do you mean what you offloaded or me taking offence ,I'm confused lol ,that comes very easy lately .

I wish I was a certain as you about doing cuts ,hope it works out for you so much .

Thanks SG for a beautiful response ,I feel guilty I cant give one back ,I'm so tired lol.

Its great comfort conversing with you ,you have a lot of wisdom . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On 2/20/2018 at 3:56 PM, powerback said:

need a listen to this ,quoting my own thread

Thanks for sharing the video! That was beautiful!

Dalalea's Introduction

Off All SSRI Medications: Effexor 2010 one month
Sertraline 50 mg. but only took 25 mg. daily because of dizziness. 2010 to July 2017

Tapered over 2 months beginning the 1st of June 2017 -- Off Sertraline by July 30, 2017

Current Medication: Losartan (blood pressure), Albuterol (for asthma- only as needed)
Current Symptoms: tinnitus, hearing loss in one ear, allergies

My Plan: Prayer, Scripture, Walk, Yoga, Encourage Others, Healthy Eating
Generic SSRI Withdrawal Symptom and Plan Checklists and Graph.xlsx

Current Supplements: Magnesium Threonate, Fish Oil, probiotic, B-12, C, D-3

Current Essential Oils: Frankincense, Bergamot, Orange, Lemon, Lavender, Peppermint, Clove
Current Essential Oil Blends: Brain Power, Clarity, Stress Away

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Just now, Dalalea said:

Thanks for sharing the video! That was beautiful!

Ah your welcome D,glad you liked it .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  •  
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  • powerback
  • Members
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  • 1,320 posts
  • Locationireland
Quote

 

Has anyone got tips to help family cope rather than understand.

this is going on so long that it pains my heart to see my mam suffer ,I cant even believe its come to this .the poor women will end up sick and I wont come back from that guilt .


 

PB don't fret.  Irish mams are VERY strong, from necessity. It is horrendous to see your child suffer (especially in my case since I feel very responsible that I did not investigate this poison sooner and my boy has had years on this stuff that he probably did not need in the first place).

 

Please believe, this WILL pass.  My boy who is now free of medication and has suffered tremendously, is now different to how he was one year ago.  He is still not at all well, but comparing him to previous months he is on an upward trend.

 

Should your mam find comfort speaking to other mams in similar circumstances, I would be most happy to communicate with her by PM.  There are other parents on here and I really think it would be a good idea to set up a special group for parents, partners and carers who could offer support and advice.  I know I have found great solace from being in contact with another parent on a daily basis who has been treading a similar path to mine.

 

From all I have read about you and your story, you are a wonderful, compassionate young fellow with much to contribute and please remember - you WILL recover!

 

We need our young Irish lads to be fit and well.  Hang on in there.

 

Rooting for you,

cannabis: Spring 2002 - Dec. 2007; regularly smoked, stopped cold turkey; symptoms: paranoid and depressed

Paroxetine: 20 mg July 2008, 40 mg October, 20 mg spring 2009, 0 mg summer 2009

Depakote (sodium valproate): October 2008 - Spring 2009

Haloperdidol 1 week Oct. 2008, H caused seizures, went to A&E;  stopped taking it.

Citalopram few weeks in the fall of 2009 to deal with withdrawal symptoms from stopping paroxetine

Paroxetine round 2: 20 mg Feb - summer 2010 -20mg don't remeber if I went up to 40mg

Venlafaxine & sodium valproate (again): Sep 2010 - Summer 2012  

SERTRALINE: November 2012 - May 2016 , 50-100mg (few days @ 150mg in Summer '15). a complete freak out at the end of April. 

May 2016 Prescribed Lithium and Abilify HAVE NOT TAKEN

No medications May 2016 - October 2016

Hospitalised - November 13th 2016 - Prescribed 15 mg Mirtazapine/Remeron. Reducing since 24 December 2016.  9 June 2017 medication free. 

 

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15 minutes ago, Distraut said:
  •  
  •  
  • powerback
  • Members
  •  
  • 1,320 posts
  • Locationireland

PB don't fret.  Irish mams are VERY strong, from necessity. It is horrendous to see your child suffer (especially in my case since I feel very responsible that I did not investigate this poison sooner and my boy has had years on this stuff that he probably did not need in the first place).

 

Please believe, this WILL pass.  My boy who is now free of medication and has suffered tremendously, is now different to how he was one year ago.  He is still not at all well, but comparing him to previous months he is on an upward trend.

 

Should your mam find comfort speaking to other mams in similar circumstances, I would be most happy to communicate with her by PM.  There are other parents on here and I really think it would be a good idea to set up a special group for parents, partners and carers who could offer support and advice.  I know I have found great solace from being in contact with another parent on a daily basis who has been treading a similar path to mine.

 

From all I have read about you and your story, you are a wonderful, compassionate young fellow with much to contribute and please remember - you WILL recover!

 

We need our young Irish lads to be fit and well.  Hang on in there.

 

Rooting for you,

Thanks D such a kind heart you have .more than a year ago I told her about the site and how great it is .I don't mean to judge her but she wasn't aware of the severity of the problem,i may even have down played it maybe to protect her .she is an  amazing women ,I think myself lucky ,when my other siblings have a moan I wont hear any of it and I'm quick to correct them .

I just wish her DNA was more prevalent than my fathers in me [no ills to him]

 

That's great A is on an upward curve ,I'm really happy for yous.

I remember speaking to my mam about your situation and ive explained about the support I have .

the trouble is this has gone on way to long and it all goes against me the longer it does.

 

Thanks so much for the offer D of communicating with her .she needs something ,she has loads of friends but I don't think anyone she can talk about this .

A good while ago I was getting annoyed I wasn't getting validation of my problem from family now I just want to erase there memory .I really am my own worst enemy .I think destructive character traits haven't helped me .

Thanks your brilliant .  

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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MMM thoughts for today is I might start my taper again even though I'm not stable ,actually very far from stable ,bordering on loosing my mind what ever has happened .its weird because in the middle of all my symptoms today I had a good few laughs but this is like 60seconds out of the day .

I understand holding is one of the strongest things we can do but all the same I cant get this paradoxical feeling out of my head taking the crap.

 

The last 2 weeks especially have been astonishing with triggers and sensitivity and for a couple of weeks I haven't had the energy for hikes and walks ,I think is a huge problem for me because it was one of my ways to cope .I could scream with frustration .

Take care every member suffering .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hi Powerback,

 

I totally understand that desire to start tapering again.  I feel it too and it's paradoxical to what we need to do.   I've pasted a quote by member freespirit about this (freespirit was offering perspective to another member). 

 

freespirt said:  Don't follow my example of tapering. I arrived at the site a few months after I'd jumped off. I thought I was going slow and compared to CT  or some rapid tapers, it was probably a little better....but not great. I think there's a need to both listen to advice from mods, as well as trusting in your own body. But be aware that when you are stressed, the brain doesn't lean towards good decision-making. In fight/flight/freeze mode, you're operating on the most primitive part of the brain. It will lead you towards brash and unwise choices. That's when you see people on here make drastic cuts, or go back on a full dose suddenly, or take a bunch of supplements at once.

 

I only offer this quote as another perspective.  I'm holding onto it like an umbrella in a hurricane right now-trying very hard to keep from taking drastic actions.   I know m brain is not leaning towards good decision making and all I can do is muddle on.  

 

I have had to take a break from meditation as well because when I'm this crazy, it makes it worse.  Thank goodness I have been reassured by spiritual people I trust that that is a good decision at this time. 

 

As I said on my thread to you-you are not alone. 

 

 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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45 minutes ago, Hibari said:

Hi Powerback,

 

I totally understand that desire to start tapering again.  I feel it too and it's paradoxical to what we need to do.   I've pasted a quote by member freespirit about this (freespirit was offering perspective to another member). 

 

freespirt said:  Don't follow my example of tapering. I arrived at the site a few months after I'd jumped off. I thought I was going slow and compared to CT  or some rapid tapers, it was probably a little better....but not great. I think there's a need to both listen to advice from mods, as well as trusting in your own body. But be aware that when you are stressed, the brain doesn't lean towards good decision-making. In fight/flight/freeze mode, you're operating on the most primitive part of the brain. It will lead you towards brash and unwise choices. That's when you see people on here make drastic cuts, or go back on a full dose suddenly, or take a bunch of supplements at once.

 

I only offer this quote as another perspective.  I'm holding onto it like an umbrella in a hurricane right now-trying very hard to keep from taking drastic actions.   I know m brain is not leaning towards good decision making and all I can do is muddle on.  

 

I have had to take a break from meditation as well because when I'm this crazy, it makes it worse.  Thank goodness I have been reassured by spiritual people I trust that that is a good decision at this time. 

 

As I said on my thread to you-you are not alone. 

 

 

Thanks for the info hibari and for popping over .

I'm not even in a huge rush to be at zero ,whats the point holding when I'm no were near stable and I'm doing a micro taper .ive got very markedly worse the last few weeks .I'm shocked how sick I am .this is not about winning a withdrawl medal of who's the worst for me ,I'm trying to judge everything in my life for this taper and there's simply no point holding with getting markedly worse like this ,I wonder if the bad depression is just another symptom manifested because withdrawl has robbed me of normal ability's.

I suppose the way is to try it and find out .

I'm white knuckling most of the day. even when I used to post windows I now question them.

If I knew for sure taking the med is paradoxical then I have to keep tapering or else how will I be relieved of stress ,I'm probably never going to be able to deal with stress ever again and that freaks me out .

Take care .

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hi Powerback,

 

I hear you...I really do.  I am not sure how you got the idea that I am optimistic about cutting/tapering working out for me.  Remember?  A week ago I was considering rehab or CT or something and I needed to be talked out of that nonsense, which I was, because I know better.

 

I AM optimistic for you, though.  I know how excruciatingly ill you are right now.  As I might have said, three days ago I spent 24 hours staring at the ceiling, filled with dread, doom, frustration, depression,pain, and angst.  I am still full of that stuff...almost every minute of every day.  Even my dreams/fragmented sleep are fitful and make me feel worse.  I do feel changes when I cut though, and though they are unpleasant and take a very long time to settle down, they DO settle down eventually.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't live life at all other than my daily walk, even when symptoms settle a little.  I have not been stable for years and years (ever?) so I will never be stable during this tapering/holding thing.  What I am fairly certain of, though, is that I actually CAN get worse, and I am trying to prevent that.  That means holding.  I made a 10 mg. cut of my 160 trileptal, (2 cuts of 5 mg. spaced 3 weeks apart) 6 weeks ago, and last night I had electric shocks all night long.  What does this mean?  It means my brain is freaked out with this (to most) seemingly minute change and it needs TIME to adjust.  I am just so scared for you that if you keep going while in this very bad place you will get worse and/or to a place where you end up right back where you were to start with, or on a different drug, or a higher dose.

 

Powerback, if I could just stay on these drugs and live even a glint of a normal life I would, but my drugs are destroying my central nervous system.  I have all kinds of CNS problems now that I didn't have before.  But because I have CNS problems, I have to go really slow....so slow I will never live long enough to get off probably.  BUT you have time...and support from you mom..who it sounds like would do anything to help you for as long as it takes.  I am guessing you are in your early 30's...you have decades ahead of you.

 

One thing I have not been clear about...are you 6 beads out of your 80 or so beads of effexor or more than that?

 

Please understand this.  I am optimistic for you because you are young.  You may not want to take many years out of your life to get your central nervous system back to homeostasis, but I remain fairly confident that any major changes for you is going to have major consequences....and my gut feeling is that they are not going to be good.  I know it feels like you can't wait any longer to do something; I believe my meds went paradoxical on me a very long time ago, but it de-stabiized my nervous system and I do not wish to become completely disabled (unable to communicate) before I die, and so I live with the consequences for the rest of my life.  I know every day of this hell feels like a year...just please proceed cautiously...are any mods recommending a small updose?   Have you felt ANY improvement at all from the beginning of this hold until now?  I ask because I have tiny windows, sometimes in the middle of my long holds, and then I go back to my normal w/d hell.  But the little windows (even one night's restful sleep) tells me something is indeed happening in my brain and less drug is always better than more drug.

 

Don't apologize for not being well enough to write back. Please know I write with the intent of trying to help even if it is hard to hear, sometimes just hearing someone else say what we can't accept helps.  I also acknowledge that this is all based on my experience and on what I have learned here at SA.   I have ALL The same questions/concerns/fears you do.  Sometimes I think I write this stuff to others to convince myself!  I just hope you aren't finding me to be too pushy.  I am exactly where you are, but with 3 drugs to taper and a whole lot less time left to do it...and a whole lot of doubt about everything.

 

Grace

  • amitriptyline from 1980-2002,
  • intermittent  use of benzos over 2 decades prior to 2002
  • 2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg
  • 2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T )
  • tapered valium w/ long holds to 12.74 mg. from a high of approximately 20-30 mg/day
  • 2015-2023 tapered trileptal to 98 mg.  had to completely stop tapering due to multiple chronic, serious health issues
  • currently 2024 still on 98 mg. trileptal and 4 mg. remeron
  •   Currently on benzo hold as I have to cross-over from brand-name valium to generic diazepam.   The diazepam is way weaker and brought on severe acute w/d
  • Current dose of diazepam is 7.9 and valium is 6.6.  I had to up-dose the total valium/diazepam from 12.74 to 14.5 where I have stayed since June 2023.  I am crossing over to generic at a somewhat tolerable rate of .3mg/month after about 2 months of trial/error w/ updosing.  I am not currently tapering; will continue to cross over. 

 

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  • Mentor

{{{{PB}}}}

 

hang in there, it is gonna get better

 

the thoughts you're having now is part of the lies that WD/depression tell you, try not to listen to them.

 

you've had some windows, yes? you will have more and more and more, til that is all you have and you're back to your pre drugged self again (only wiser, and stronger and perhaps a bit more tired :P )

 

I am sorry you're having a rough time. I had a wave today and if you read my thread, you'll see that I've had a LONG stretch of things feeling good, and YET,  with this one wave, my thoughts have gone something like this "oh great, this is never gonna end, I'm always gonna feel like crap, I wish I'd never taken these damn drugs, I'm an idiot, I've ruined the rest of my life"....

yeh, now look at my thread from just a couple of days ago! here's a post from Feb 16th:

"here it is, Friday and no waves.

wow, what a great week!
I could get used to this"

 

 

I've not ruined anything, I am almost fully healed or getting pretty damn close.  I am feeling mostly "normal" most of the time! 

 

I'm just having a bad day. A wave. If a wave can knock ME off balance, with as many wide open windows under my belt as I've got, it's no surprise that you're feeling discouraged.

 

just remind yourself that feelings are not facts. You feel crappy, you feel like this is hopeless perhaps but that's just a feeling, it's not a fact. it's not the truth.

 

the truth is, the vast majority of ppl, as far as we can tell, DO recover from this and do very well and are glad that they got off the meds.

 

I hope this helps at least a little. I remember being where you are now, full of doubt and discouraged. Try to ride it out a bit longer, I bet you anything you're on the verge of turning a corner and feeling a whole lot better.

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Hi I am looking to the mods to for some advice ,I believe I am probably suffering acethesia ,I don't say this lightly I am jumping out of my chest and mind ,how can this be just a wave to get so bad so far down the road ,I am beyond  my wits end and seriously thinking of going to hospital to get sedated .

Thanks in advance .

it pains me to think I mite finally cash in that letter written by a GP nearly 15 months ago for a psychiatric  hospital .I could cry .

 

Don't compare yourself to my case and give yourself unnecessary panic if you read this . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On ‎26‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 1:19 AM, Happy2Heal said:

{{{{PB}}}}

 

hang in there, it is gonna get better

 

the thoughts you're having now is part of the lies that WD/depression tell you, try not to listen to them.

 

you've had some windows, yes? you will have more and more and more, til that is all you have and you're back to your pre drugged self again (only wiser, and stronger and perhaps a bit more tired :P )

 

I am sorry you're having a rough time. I had a wave today and if you read my thread, you'll see that I've had a LONG stretch of things feeling good, and YET,  with this one wave, my thoughts have gone something like this "oh great, this is never gonna end, I'm always gonna feel like crap, I wish I'd never taken these damn drugs, I'm an idiot, I've ruined the rest of my life"....

yeh, now look at my thread from just a couple of days ago! here's a post from Feb 16th:

"here it is, Friday and no waves.

wow, what a great week!
I could get used to this"

 

 

I've not ruined anything, I am almost fully healed or getting pretty damn close.  I am feeling mostly "normal" most of the time! 

 

I'm just having a bad day. A wave. If a wave can knock ME off balance, with as many wide open windows under my belt as I've got, it's no surprise that you're feeling discouraged.

 

just remind yourself that feelings are not facts. You feel crappy, you feel like this is hopeless perhaps but that's just a feeling, it's not a fact. it's not the truth.

 

the truth is, the vast majority of ppl, as far as we can tell, DO recover from this and do very well and are glad that they got off the meds.

 

I hope this helps at least a little. I remember being where you are now, full of doubt and discouraged. Try to ride it out a bit longer, I bet you anything you're on the verge of turning a corner and feeling a whole lot better.

 

 

 

On ‎26‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 1:19 AM, Happy2Heal said:

{{{{PB}}}}

 

hang in there, it is gonna get better

 

the thoughts you're having now is part of the lies that WD/depression tell you, try not to listen to them.

 

you've had some windows, yes? you will have more and more and more, til that is all you have and you're back to your pre drugged self again (only wiser, and stronger and perhaps a bit more tired :P )

 

I am sorry you're having a rough time. I had a wave today and if you read my thread, you'll see that I've had a LONG stretch of things feeling good, and YET,  with this one wave, my thoughts have gone something like this "oh great, this is never gonna end, I'm always gonna feel like crap, I wish I'd never taken these damn drugs, I'm an idiot, I've ruined the rest of my life"....

yeh, now look at my thread from just a couple of days ago! here's a post from Feb 16th:

"here it is, Friday and no waves.

wow, what a great week!
I could get used to this"

 

 

I've not ruined anything, I am almost fully healed or getting pretty damn close.  I am feeling mostly "normal" most of the time! 

 

I'm just having a bad day. A wave. If a wave can knock ME off balance, with as many wide open windows under my belt as I've got, it's no surprise that you're feeling discouraged.

 

just remind yourself that feelings are not facts. You feel crappy, you feel like this is hopeless perhaps but that's just a feeling, it's not a fact. it's not the truth.

 

the truth is, the vast majority of ppl, as far as we can tell, DO recover from this and do very well and are glad that they got off the meds.

 

I hope this helps at least a little. I remember being where you are now, full of doubt and discouraged. Try to ride it out a bit longer, I bet you anything you're on the verge of turning a corner and feeling a whole lot better.

 

 

Thanks so much for your support .I'm not up to  a proper respectful reply so my apologies .Take care . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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