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powerback: tapering no 2


powerback

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On ‎25‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 9:21 PM, savinggrace said:

Hi Powerback,

 

I hear you...I really do.  I am not sure how you got the idea that I am optimistic about cutting/tapering working out for me.  Remember?  A week ago I was considering rehab or CT or something and I needed to be talked out of that nonsense, which I was, because I know better.

 

I AM optimistic for you, though.  I know how excruciatingly ill you are right now.  As I might have said, three days ago I spent 24 hours staring at the ceiling, filled with dread, doom, frustration, depression,pain, and angst.  I am still full of that stuff...almost every minute of every day.  Even my dreams/fragmented sleep are fitful and make me feel worse.  I do feel changes when I cut though, and though they are unpleasant and take a very long time to settle down, they DO settle down eventually.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't live life at all other than my daily walk, even when symptoms settle a little.  I have not been stable for years and years (ever?) so I will never be stable during this tapering/holding thing.  What I am fairly certain of, though, is that I actually CAN get worse, and I am trying to prevent that.  That means holding.  I made a 10 mg. cut of my 160 trileptal, (2 cuts of 5 mg. spaced 3 weeks apart) 6 weeks ago, and last night I had electric shocks all night long.  What does this mean?  It means my brain is freaked out with this (to most) seemingly minute change and it needs TIME to adjust.  I am just so scared for you that if you keep going while in this very bad place you will get worse and/or to a place where you end up right back where you were to start with, or on a different drug, or a higher dose.

 

Powerback, if I could just stay on these drugs and live even a glint of a normal life I would, but my drugs are destroying my central nervous system.  I have all kinds of CNS problems now that I didn't have before.  But because I have CNS problems, I have to go really slow....so slow I will never live long enough to get off probably.  BUT you have time...and support from you mom..who it sounds like would do anything to help you for as long as it takes.  I am guessing you are in your early 30's...you have decades ahead of you.

 

One thing I have not been clear about...are you 6 beads out of your 80 or so beads of effexor or more than that?

 

Please understand this.  I am optimistic for you because you are young.  You may not want to take many years out of your life to get your central nervous system back to homeostasis, but I remain fairly confident that any major changes for you is going to have major consequences....and my gut feeling is that they are not going to be good.  I know it feels like you can't wait any longer to do something; I believe my meds went paradoxical on me a very long time ago, but it de-stabiized my nervous system and I do not wish to become completely disabled (unable to communicate) before I die, and so I live with the consequences for the rest of my life.  I know every day of this hell feels like a year...just please proceed cautiously...are any mods recommending a small updose?   Have you felt ANY improvement at all from the beginning of this hold until now?  I ask because I have tiny windows, sometimes in the middle of my long holds, and then I go back to my normal w/d hell.  But the little windows (even one night's restful sleep) tells me something is indeed happening in my brain and less drug is always better than more drug.

 

Don't apologize for not being well enough to write back. Please know I write with the intent of trying to help even if it is hard to hear, sometimes just hearing someone else say what we can't accept helps.  I also acknowledge that this is all based on my experience and on what I have learned here at SA.   I have ALL The same questions/concerns/fears you do.  Sometimes I think I write this stuff to others to convince myself!  I just hope you aren't finding me to be too pushy.  I am exactly where you are, but with 3 drugs to taper and a whole lot less time left to do it...and a whole lot of doubt about everything.

 

Grace

Thanks SG for your support ,not up to a reply of any quality you deserve at the moment  .Take care 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  • Mentor

hang in there and take care of yourself, that's the most important thing

 

this will get better ok?

 

remember the one constant in life: things change.

whatever you're going thru now, it will end

 

keep holding on

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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PB

 

I have had akathesia on the past when coming off meds and it is the worst state of mind to be in.

 

If you decide to get help it could be a good thing and you can still ultimately get off meds.

 

Joy

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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Hi PB

You have my support, which I know can be cold comfort when you are in excruciating withdrawal. 

 

Please know that you are not alone.   It will get better.

 

I don't know if this will be helpful but I listened to some audio links on Baylissa  Frederick's site where she talks about wd symptoms.  The recordings are very short for each area-she must know how difficult it is to sit still for a long period of time.  Though these aren't miracle solutions, just her normalizing and validating the process was comforting to me.

  https://baylissa.com/withdrawal-help/

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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1 minute ago, Hibari said:

Hi PB

You have my support, which I know can be cold comfort when you are in excruciating withdrawal. 

 

Please know that you are not alone.   It will get better.

 

I don't know if this will be helpful but I listened to some audio links on Baylissa  Frederick's site where she talks about wd symptoms.  The recordings are very short for each area-she must know how difficult it is to sit still for a long period of time.  Though these aren't miracle solutions, just her normalizing and validating the process was comforting to me.

  https://baylissa.com/withdrawal-help/

Thanks H your very kind thanks for your reply ,its brutal but ile keep fighting.

We have a bad storm in Ireland so I take it as a change of scenery, everyone is freaking out but once you've had withdrawl everything else really is  easy :).

Take care . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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31 minutes ago, powerback said:

Thanks H your very kind thanks for your reply ,its brutal but ile keep fighting.

We have a bad storm in Ireland so I take it as a change of scenery, everyone is freaking out but once you've had withdrawl everything else really is  easy :).

Take care . 

Yes, keep fighting.

 

I really get what you mean about once you've had withdrawal everything else is easy.  I said something similar to a friend of mine recently.  I said, Once you have lost your mind, everything else pales in comparison. 

 

 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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58 minutes ago, Hibari said:

I really get what you mean about once you've had withdrawal everything else is easy.  I said something similar to a friend of mine recently.  I said, Once you have lost your mind, everything else pales in comparison

 

So true!  :P  That's the really good thing about this ~ it's character building.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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1 hour ago, Hibari said:

Yes, keep fighting.

 

I really get what you mean about once you've had withdrawal everything else is easy.  I said something similar to a friend of mine recently.  I said, Once you have lost your mind, everything else pales in comparison. 

 

 

Hi Powerback, just read your story. You're not alone. I like what Hibari says. Only the mind can go mad. You cannot go mad because you're not your mind, and it's reporting to you. Just like you are watching your hand and body, you being watching the mind be a nut. Whatever that absolute witness is, cannot be removed or touched. That is my good news for you.

2008-2012: Cymbalta, Zyprexa, Valium (5 days supply),

2012 - Seroquel x 4 weeks C/T. 

2014 - Seroquel x 2 Weeks C/T. Crossed to Risperidone 3mg for 6months until December.

2014 - Stopped Risperidone. Xfer > Anti-Depressant 200mg Zoloft and 6mg Clonazepam. 

2018 - 150mg Clomipromine changed Anti-depressant. Tapered Benzo to 1mg Clonazepam. 2019 - xfer to 20mg Diazepam. 

 

Currently:

Anafranil: 75mg. 17th Dec 2022 70mg. 27th Dec 22: 75mg, 14 January 23': 70mg. 16-26th January: 50mg (too fast drop no sleep). Jan 28th 2023: 70mg. 20 Feb 2023: 65mg. 11/06: 60mg 9/08: 55mg 15/08/23 : 50mg
3/03/2024: 60mg (Updose)

 

        Diazepam (V): 25th Oct 2019' 20mg. 22 Dec 19' 19mg. 04 Apr 2020' 18mg,  30 September 20' 17.5mg , 13 Nov 2020' 17mg. 01 January 2021: 16mg, 13th Aug 21' 15mg. 1st Nov' 2021 14.5mg. 1st Dec' 2021 14mg. 13 January 2022: 13.5mg, 11 Feb: 13mg.  11 April 22' 12.5mg, 12 May 22': 12mg, 6th September 2022: 11mg Valium. 9th October: 10.5mg, 25th Oct 10mg. 12 March 23: 9.5mg 2 April: 9.25mg 23 April: 9mg 12/05: 8.75 26/05: 8.5 12/09: 8.25 21/09: 8.5. 3/10: 8.25 17/10: 8mg 20th Nov Brassmonkey: (7.9.,7.8, 7.75) 5 Feb: 7.25mg. 23 Feb: 7mg 

*.      Have tried to go at faster rate than 0.5mg but is currently too fast. 

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1 hour ago, AliG said:

 

So true!  :P  That's the really good thing about this ~ it's character building.

Its a twisted logic lol.

Hi AliG ,I hope your well.

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Hibari said:

Yes, keep fighting.

 

I really get what you mean about once you've had withdrawal everything else is easy.  I said something similar to a friend of mine recently.  I said, Once you have lost your mind, everything else pales in comparison. 

 

 

I actually got a real buzz being out in the bad weather/snow and if anything I'm a little hyper so time for the mindfulness and not loose the run of myself lol.

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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50 minutes ago, Ryder said:

Hi Powerback, just read your story. You're not alone. I like what Hibari says. Only the mind can go mad. You cannot go mad because you're not your mind, and it's reporting to you. Just like you are watching your hand and body, you being watching the mind be a nut. Whatever that absolute witness is, cannot be removed or touched. That is my good news for you.

Hi Ryder thanks for reading and popping over .

Cheers for the pep talk and encouragement , I hope your well . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On ‎28‎/‎02‎/‎2018 at 3:10 PM, joy2730 said:

PB

 

I have had akathesia on the past when coming off meds and it is the worst state of mind to be in.

 

If you decide to get help it could be a good thing and you can still ultimately get off meds.

 

Joy

Hi joy thanks for stopping by ,I wouldn't even know were to start with taking a med at this stage ,its quite the mess but ile keep going .I'm banking on winter/cold and flu season lifting its grip ,I'm pretty sure this is why I'm so bad ,body is fighting for months on all fronts .

Sorry to hear you suffer so bad .

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Here today making use of my time putting furniture protective pads on any drawer I can find ,the irritation is madness of even a drawer opening and  closing ,I don't mind doing it  ,the problem is others I live with .its funny to see  other people going stir crazy stuck in for a few days because of the snow/storm but they can go back to there life as normal when its over  .

Anyone out there got some spare acceptance to give me ;)

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Powerback

 

Your nervous system is obviously very sensitive at the moment as a result of being suppressed previously, it will be fighting to stabilise, sounds like you are doing a very good job of helping it to adjust. 

 

I remember coming off dothiepin and could feel every single draft of cold air at home, and no one else could feel a thing!  My family looked at me as if I was crazy.  There was something a bit more serious about this too, I kept going to bed with a hot water bottle to try and keep warm and because I couldn't feel the heat properly, I got a burn, but it did clear up without scaring.

 

Take care Powerback, how is the snow in Ireland, I am in North Yorkshire, UK, and it is not too bad here.

 

Joy

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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12 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

Powerback

 

Your nervous system is obviously very sensitive at the moment as a result of being suppressed previously, it will be fighting to stabilise, sounds like you are doing a very good job of helping it to adjust. 

 

I remember coming off dothiepin and could feel every single draft of cold air at home, and no one else could feel a thing!  My family looked at me as if I was crazy.  There was something a bit more serious about this too, I kept going to bed with a hot water bottle to try and keep warm and because I couldn't feel the heat properly, I got a burn, but it did clear up without scaring.

 

Take care Powerback, how is the snow in Ireland, I am in North Yorkshire, UK, and it is not too bad here.

 

Joy

Hi joy fairly bad were I live  ,leinster and munster are the worst in the country ,I don't mind the weather ,I got out for a walk and I'm well stocked for food .

I made homemade bird balls and a bird feeder lol. 

I'm not distressed just my patience waring thin .

That's good its not to bad were you are as I sit here theres a blizzard ,today has taken the weather forecasters off guard .

Take care joy ,I hope your well .

 

 

 

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hi PB,

 

I haven't been on SA in a little while. I popped over to your thread. I'm sorry you're in such a bad state right now, I'm hoping you'll see some improvement soon. I'll keep you in my prayers. Prayers for better days to come for you. (((hugs)))

Apr 09 2013 started taking 30mg Remeron

Oct 10 2013 began tapering 27 mg  Nov 07/ 24 mg  Nov 27/ 22 mg  Dec 20/ 20mg

***Stopped taper and reinstated back up to 30mg shortly afterwards due to the symptoms that I was taking Remeron for came back. The Exact Same symptoms. I wasn't willing to live through that again.

2nd attempt at tapering.

Feb 20 2017/ 28 mg  Mar 20/ 25 mg   Apr 20/ 23 mg  May 21/ 22mg  June 21/ 21mg  July 15/ 20mg  Aug 5/ 19mg Aug22/18mg  Oct 21/ 17 mg  Nov 27/ 16 mg  Dec 26/ 15mg  Jan 27 2018/ 14mg  Mar 1/ 13mg  Mar 31/ 12 mg 

Apr 28/ 11mg  May 27/ 10 mg  July 7/ 9 mg  Aug 4/ 8.1 mg  Aug 31/ 7.2 mg  Sept 29/ 6.3 mg  Oct 28/ 5.6 mg 

Nov 26/ 5 mg  Dec 25/ 4.5 mg   01/03/2020 .65 mg  03/11/20  - 0.36 mg- omg omw to being AD free!

 

I also take 30mg Temazepam for sleep every night, Pulmicort 180mcg inhaler 2x/day for cough variant asthma, albuterol inhaler as needed, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, omega 3 fish oil, 400mg magnesium malate, potassium iodide, CBD oil 25 - 30mgs/day

 

HOPE = Hold On, Pain Ends

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1 hour ago, Kitson said:

Hi PB,

 

I haven't been on SA in a little while. I popped over to your thread. I'm sorry you're in such a bad state right now, I'm hoping you'll see some improvement soon. I'll keep you in my prayers. Prayers for better days to come for you. (((hugs)))

Thanks Kitson your so kind .my body is fighting on a lot of fronts ,its been a brutal winter for colds/viruses  and lately there's a chest infection trying to  get a grip of me ,plenty of rest witch is a challenge.I'm far from the only member fighting on a lot of fronts this winter .

I appreciate your nice support ,it means a lot from my  peers .

Take care I hope your well .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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On 2/28/2018 at 9:39 AM, powerback said:

Thanks SG for your support ,not up to a reply of any quality you deserve at the moment  .Take care 

No reply necessary.   I am sorry you feel so badly.  Grace

  • amitriptyline from 1980-2002,
  • intermittent  use of benzos over 2 decades prior to 2002
  • 2002-2010 Klonopin 1-2 mg., ambien 10--20, mg, remeron 4 mg. and  trileptal 300 mg
  • 2011 Stopped ambien and crossed over to valium 17.5 mg. (updosing 2.5 mg. to cover ambien C/T )
  • tapered valium w/ long holds to 12.74 mg. from a high of approximately 20-30 mg/day
  • 2015-2023 tapered trileptal to 98 mg.  had to completely stop tapering due to multiple chronic, serious health issues
  • currently 2024 still on 98 mg. trileptal and 4 mg. remeron
  •   Currently on benzo hold as I have to cross-over from brand-name valium to generic diazepam.   The diazepam is way weaker and brought on severe acute w/d
  • Current dose of diazepam is 7.9 and valium is 6.6.  I had to up-dose the total valium/diazepam from 12.74 to 14.5 where I have stayed since June 2023.  I am crossing over to generic at a somewhat tolerable rate of .3mg/month after about 2 months of trial/error w/ updosing.  I am not currently tapering; will continue to cross over. 

 

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Will I dare to claim a mini window today ,I think I will ,got out for a little walk ,took pictures of the after affects of the storm/snow ,chest infection still trying to bite me but my raging self critic has calmed to a manageable annoyance ,earlier I was texting and conversing with friends/family  about the weather  and I was over whelmed with feeling normal but I used the mindfulness and let the nice happy feelings course through my body ,it was like an energy .

 

Its funny because in the back ground the demon withdrawl is tapping away and saying hey I'm still here don't forget me ,well you can f*ck off for a while atleast lol.

Ive got fairly strong shakiness/trembling  going on in my chest but nothing   to worry about .

I was happy I could have a nice normal conversation with my mam ,it would of helped her greatly to hear me laugh .its one of my biggest regrets her ever having to witness me in this process .

This is by no means a big window but I wanted to post it because I'm aware there is kind and supportive members following .

Take care .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Hi, 

I do not know you, but reading your posts sometimes, and feel very compassionate. 

Very happy to read your above post today! 

God bless you, and take care. 

Citalopram 20 mg

Mid June 1994- end March 1995 Then tapering 3 months 

Mid August 1995-end August 1996 Tapering 6 months 

Mid January 2000-end September 2001 Tapering 6 months

Mid October 2003-end October 2005 Tapering 7 years. 

More detailed drug history is here - ☼-kostas

Off any drug from October 2012 

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A mini -window is great, PB and gives hope. Don't despair ~  keep positive! I know it sounds lame ~ but it's true.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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So pleased for you - let it feed your hope.  Joy

 

Jan 2023 to July 2023 250mg quetiapine

Tapered off quetiapine again over 2 months - now weight problem

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18 minutes ago, Kostas said:

Hi, 

I do not know you, but reading your posts sometimes, and feel very compassionate. 

Very happy to read your above post today! 

God bless you, and take care. 

Hi Kostas nice to meet you ,thanks for the compassion ,I'm very aware I can and others can post a lot  when feeling terrible [no judgement ] so I wanted to post something tonight even thought its not a huge weekly concurrent  window but when we suffer so terribly, breaks in this is welcome .My peers on this site have helped me this far and we are worth every good feeling we get .

Take care . 

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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6 minutes ago, AliG said:

A mini -window is great, PB and gives hope. Don't despair ~  keep positive! I know it sounds lame ~ but it's true.

Nothing Lame A, cheers , ile soak it up .I think ile put "eye of the tiger" by survivor on youtube :D

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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5 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

So pleased for you - let it feed your hope.  Joy

Thanks joy its going in the hope account ,let it build up:)

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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10 minutes ago, powerback said:

Nothing Lame A, cheers , ile soak it up .I think ile put "eye of the tiger" by survivor on youtube :D

 

Sounds good ~ go for it !  :)  ....

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Nice to hear about the mini-window.  When I get them, it's such a nice moment.

Glad you had a little break.

 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Hi pb

Those mini windows are the only thing that give us hope during this wd process. Such a nice break. 

Hope it continues!!

Lex  4.3mg,  3/2/18  Ativan ,5 mg,  lunesta 2 mg , toprol  25 mg                                                            

 

Oct 16-28 2018 C/O to 19 mg V from 1.5 mg Ativan, 1.3 mg lunesta 

jan 22 2019- 11 mg V

jan 23 - pneumonia, 2 AB’s. 

    Hold taper

july 5- 10.72 V

July 6- 11 mg V- ugly bad

july 11- 10.72 mg V, 4.3 lex, 

              25 mg toprol

 

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15 hours ago, Hibari said:

Nice to hear about the mini-window.  When I get them, it's such a nice moment.

Glad you had a little break.

 

 

3 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Hi pb

Those mini windows are the only thing that give us hope during this wd process. Such a nice break. 

Hope it continues!!

Thank you Hibari and littlegrandma for popping over your very kind ,mini is all it is but ile take it ,I was very easily triggered this Morning which  set my raging critic off but hey ile keep at it and force the compassion in because I deserve a break like us all .take care to both of yous .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, powerback said:

 

Thank you Hibari and littlegrandma for popping over your very kind ,mini is all it is but ile take it ,I was very easily triggered this Morning which  set my raging critic off but hey ile keep at it and force the compassion in because I deserve a break like us all .take care to both of yous .

 

Glad you had a window, despite of small. I get mini windows a few times a day and they are awesome, but fleeting. Hopefully they turn into something more lasting for the both of us!

2008 - October 28th, 2016: Zoloft 50 - 150 mgs, settled on 50mgs from 2011 - 2016.
January 23rd - March 1st 2017: Zoloft 50mgs, direct switch to Lexapro.
March 1st - May 1st 2017: Lexapro 10 mgs, down to 5mgs for a week, then off.
June 1st - July 31st 2017: Paxil 20mgs, Lyrica 600mgs
August 1st - September 30th 2017: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
October 1st  - November 12th 2017: Paxil 60mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs
November 12th, 2017 - September 4th 2018: Paxil 40mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs 

September 4th - September 27th: Paxil 30mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

September 28th - November 7th: Paxil 20mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs (Also Testosterone Therapy started in June 2018 and ended in November 2018)

November 7th 2018 - February 22nd 2019: Paxil 10mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs

February 22nd 2019 - April 17th: Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin 1mgs

April 17th - Now: Zoloft 25mgs, Zyprexa 2.5mgs, Klonopin .5mgs

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3 hours ago, DaveB said:

 

Glad you had a window, despite of small. I get mini windows a few times a day and they are awesome, but fleeting. Hopefully they turn into something more lasting for the both of us!

Cheers Dave I appreciate your support ,I'm having  a very reflective [ruminating ?]evening and I'm trying to be  more compassionate to the reflection  than critical ,its very hard ,I had an experience today that made me sad and realised what withdrawal has done to me ,is it strong anxiety or brain fog that litterly wouldn't let my brain think straight.

The drugs have long stopped working on the parts of the brain that blocked things out for me ,I now have to work on all these extreme emotions [neuro?] that flood back  into my system.ive learned to bring awareness to them and sit with but often get overwhelmed.

Peace to you Dave ,We will get there one day .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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hi PB, sorry not been on this site for a while, just had a look at your thread, sorry to see you have been having a rough time but glad to see you have been back into a window, im sure things will improve as the sun comes out and weather warms up, I remember you saying you suffer from SAD so this is probably why waves have been worse, there was a week a couple weeks ago where it was really sunny and lovely weather and during it I had the ultimate window where felt fully healed, thinking the sun might of had something to do with it, 

 

also thanks for sharing that video on my thread, I could not watch a lot because it talked a lot about alzheimers etc but I watched enough to realise how important it was to limit light etc at night, so did some research and bought some blue light blocking glasses which I wear after 6pm and also some blackout curtains, sleep seems a lot less broken and deeper since,

 

so hang on it wont be long now till the weather warms up, it might be worth you holding until it does and restart your taper then,

 

take care

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

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1 minute ago, dj2010 said:

hi PB, sorry not been on this site for a while, just had a look at your thread, sorry to see you have been having a rough time but glad to see you have been back into a window, im sure things will improve as the sun comes out and weather warms up, I remember you saying you suffer from SAD so this is probably why waves have been worse, there was a week a couple weeks ago where it was really sunny and lovely weather and during it I had the ultimate window where felt fully healed, thinking the sun might of had something to do with it, 

 

also thanks for sharing that video on my thread, I could not watch a lot because it talked a lot about alzheimers etc but I watched enough to realise how important it was to limit light etc at night, so did some research and bought some blue light blocking glasses which I wear after 6pm and also some blackout curtains, sleep seems a lot less broken and deeper since,

 

so hang on it wont be long now till the weather warms up, it might be worth you holding until it does and restart your taper then,

 

take care

Hi DJ I just seen your update ,good on ye for the improvement I'm so happy for you and your family .be proud my friend .

I'm not sure I said I have SAD but I get what you mean .

Your welcome for the vid .

Ye ive had a brutal winter but I got out for a little hike yesterday [first in weeks ] so I enjoyed that .

Thanks for popping over .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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1 minute ago, powerback said:

Hi DJ I just seen your update ,good on ye for the improvement I'm so happy for you and your family .be proud my friend .

I'm not sure I said I have SAD but I get what you mean .

Your welcome for the vid .

Ye ive had a brutal winter but I got out for a little hike yesterday [first in weeks ] so I enjoyed that .

Thanks for popping over .

thats great PB, keep it up, going for a walk now while the suns out,

 

take care

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

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1 minute ago, dj2010 said:

thats great PB, keep it up, going for a walk now while the suns out,

 

take care

enjoy ,ile go in an hour myself .I'm not long awake ,I had a monster sleep last night so I'm very groggy .

soak up them rays and be dam proud of your progress . 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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I need monster sleeps in my life lol, hope you have had a nice walk, its been nice out there today,

 

thanks buddy

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

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