powerback: tapering no 2

[Martina23]

1 hour ago, powerback said:

I'm also terrified I will be railroaded into a diagnosis ,so the fact my mind races and I'm finding it hard to control it is perpetuating the consultants "ideas".

There needs to be an end to this ,I'm under pressure from all angles and mostly from myself to be honest .I must of been born with chronic anxiety and now it infects my DNA .

Its a real mind F*ck because a couple of years ago I was doing normal things and then the med gets dropped ,it all plays into the consultants hands .

I either go up or off .I've wrecked enough heads in this process .

A cabin on the mountain top seems like a safe place at the moment .

The fact I'm not giving myself a break must be odd . maybe I've been down the wrong rabbit hole this whole time .

PB, just keeps fighting. You also told me how stupid and murky the whole system is. We are the first one to discover the fraud. So our path is the most complicated. The consultant was just an average clueless man, nothing more  nothing less. We fight with the same.

[Bridgetini]

Hi PB,  you are doing great, so please don't be giving yourself a hard time.

We all know here that the drugs cause more problems than the original issue they were prescribed for. Psychiatrists are not taught that reality: they are taught that drugs CURE symptoms.

They also are taught that patients should not cold turkey off psych drugs, but they are not taught about the complex reality of discontinuation syndrome (withdrawal). 

And most doctors don't like patients who refuse to accept their advice.

So you, a non-doctor, having educated yourself about your medications,  symptoms,  recovery, and slow discontinuation of medication, is a huge affront to the consultant's dignity and ego.

 

You have not done anything wrong! 

 

You are taking responsibility for your recovery. 

 

You are not obsessive about it: you are taking as much care of your mental and physical health as you possibly can.

 

It sounds like you are stuck in negative thoughts in your head.  Is there anyone you can talk to? If not face to face, maybe ring the Samaritans?

 

Hang on in there, one breath at a time.

 

X

 

 

[Bridgetini]

PB, please, if you have the time, look.on the forum here on Symptoms and SelfCare: it might help you feel less alone in your situation and that all the anxiety and negative thoughts are part of the syndrome. There is nothing wrong with YOU, you just need to find your way back to normal functioning of your bodily nervous system, which affects your mood and thoughts. 

 

You are doing great!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

[Martina23]

Actually, PB,  you got the same experience like Henosis

 

 

[powerback]

24 minutes ago, Bridgetini said:

PB, please, if you have the time, look.on the forum here on Symptoms and SelfCare: it might help you feel less alone in your situation and that all the anxiety and negative thoughts are part of the syndrome. There is nothing wrong with YOU, you just need to find your way back to normal functioning of your bodily nervous system, which affects your mood and thoughts. 

 

You are doing great!

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/

I

 

15 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

Actually, PB,  you got the same experience like Henosis

 

 

Hi ladys you make a grown man well up with emotion ,thank you .I will get back to yous when I can .very tired .

[TreeElf]

Hi powerback, just wanted to say I'm in a similar situation and I'm sorry to read about your pain. I'm also so afraid of engaging with mental health services at this point, it really is a rock and a hard place. Things had got better since I reinstated at 5mg Prozac but 4-5 months later I'm in the worst hell. Don't want to make it out this time, it's too painful. You're not alone. 

[powerback]

Hi AE, nice to meet you ,its quite the mess isnt it.

Its very tricky because my dam symptoms play into hes hands ,for him to say its my condition comn back because meds not working is cripling me.

Its the masses trying to label others ,like my narrow minded area I live ,your labeled if you dont partake in idol gossip.

Im so sorry your in this mess,please find  hope and compassion ,I need to myself tonight some how .

Be safe.

[dj2010]

how are you doing today PB?

[powerback]

Out for a walk in fresh air DJ,thanks for askn .

Have a good weekend 👍.

[Carmie]

Hi powerback, 

 

Glad to hear you go for some gentle walks n know when to rest . It’s great to get outside, isn’t it? 

 

And yes, when it comes to doctors they always seem to blame the original symptoms coming back n that the meds don’t work or that you need more meds. It is frustrating. They have absolutely no idea whatsoever. 

 

I was originally put on meds because of chronic pain n then it was a downward spiral after that, with one med after another as you can see from my signature. The doctors put me on stuff I shouldn’t even have been put on. The thing is we can’t change the past, we can only look in one direction, forward. 

 

We will get there one day. 

 

Sending hugs🤗😍

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

P.s. I accidentally pressed that last emoji. I keep doing that a bit recently . No brain, no gain😂

[powerback]

Lol sound carmie ,the emojis get me sometimes,oh I live for my walks outside ,ive stoped myself doing DIY today im going to chill and get a walk in ,it can wait until next week .

Exactly being held Down by the past is self destructive indeed .

Take and be well.

 

[powerback]

https://www.fmtv.com/transcendence?FMTV=1034

 

Warning if in a dark wave ,this mite irritate you ,because we all know nothing but time can heal that ,but its good to understand what we consume and the affects on our system .

Peace my friends and continued healing .🙏.

[apace41]

That documentary looks good, PB.  I was looking at it the other day and thought the trailer was interesting.

 

One of the people featured, Wim Hof, is an interesting study.  He has trained himself with breathing techniques to withstand extreme cold.  Swimming in the Arctic, etc. I find that interesting because cold water stimulates the vagus nerve which is highly correlated with parasympathetic nervous system reaction.  One of the things that happens in withdrawal is an overarousal of sympathetic nervous system activity (fight or flight).  I've taken to adding a minute or more of cold shower to my morning ritual in an effort to stimulate the vagus.  Does it help?  Jury is out, but... I'm trying.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[powerback]

1 hour ago, apace41 said:

That documentary looks good, PB.  I was looking at it the other day and thought the trailer was interesting.

 

One of the people featured, Wim Hof, is an interesting study.  He has trained himself with breathing techniques to withstand extreme cold.  Swimming in the Arctic, etc. I find that interesting because cold water stimulates the vagus nerve which is highly correlated with parasympathetic nervous system reaction.  One of the things that happens in withdrawal is an overarousal of sympathetic nervous system activity (fight or flight).  I've taken to adding a minute or more of cold shower to my morning ritual in an effort to stimulate the vagus.  Does it help?  Jury is out, but... I'm trying.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Hi andy ,ye ive heard that about the cold,ive noticed its impossible for me when in a dark wave to go near cold,my system is seeking comfort,theres studies on cold in correlation with mitochondria production also .

In a dark wave lately ,sciatic nerve injury playing up and giving me alot of pain .

Take care Andy I hope your well

[Bridgetini]

Sorry to hear that you are riding a dark wave, PB. It is good that you understand the process, though, and that you will get through it. Sending you good vibes..

B.

[powerback]

1 hour ago, Bridgetini said:

Sorry to hear that you are riding a dark wave, PB. It is good that you understand the process, though, and that you will get through it. Sending you good vibes..

B.

Thanks B your very kind ,its just typical this old injury is flaring up .no releif from ot today .take care .

[bhasski]

On 10/6/2018 at 1:38 AM, Carmie said:

No brain, no gain😂

Haha.

[Carmie]

Hi Powerback, 

 

Was sad to read you’re in a dark wave. I hope it lifts soon. Have you been able to get out for your walks? I know you love your walks. I’m off to catch up with a friend today, as soon as I manage to get out of bed, that is. I feel like I’m super glued to it. 

 

Take care💚

 

 

 

 

[powerback]

10 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi Powerback, 

 

Was sad to read you’re in a dark wave. I hope it lifts soon. Have you been able to get out for your walks? I know you love your walks. I’m off to catch up with a friend today, as soon as I manage to get out of bed, that is. I feel like I’m super glued to it. 

 

Take care💚

 

 

 

 

Hi carmie thanks for your visit ,I havent walked in weeks ,saying that ive been busy the last couple of weeks/months doing DIY at home and an elderly neighbour couldn't find anyone to decorate her hall stairs and landing so I agreed to do it for her ,I wasnt up to it at all but brought someone in on it .

Bless her heart she was so happy it got done .

I think the young are missing out not being around such kind souls like this lady.

Hope you enjoyed your visit with your friend,they can be precious when there supportive.

Take care.

 

[powerback]

Does anyone else relate to what im experienceing ,bulk and mussel mass has been withered away from my legs and buttox,I can feel the bones of my skeleton on the chair at the dinning table.

I dont think eating junk food all day or high fat will even do anything .

I believe this is chronic stress response eating away at my tissue ,so it begs the question about riding these waves for years.

Any thoughts is welcome .

[dj2010]

11 minutes ago, powerback said:

Does anyone else relate to what im experienceing ,bulk and mussel mass has been withered away from my legs and buttox,I can feel the bones of my skeleton on the chair at the dinning table.

I dont think eating junk food all day or high fat will even do anything .

I believe this is chronic stress response eating away at my tissue ,so it begs the question about riding these waves for years.

Any thoughts is welcome .

 

yep can relate to this, I got to a decent weight up until around April then things started getting more unstable and lost lots, now down to a low weight and really struggling to put it back on, every time I start to put it back on I go into a wave and lose it all again, lost a lot of muscle mass as not been able to get to the gym, its really starting to get to me, always struggled to put on weight until I went on olanzapine, I think I have a ultra high metabolism

[powerback]

I finally opened the letter I got back from the assessment from the phycologist my DR sent me too .I left the letter unopened for 5 days.

My heart is racing,I deeply regret going near this place while so sick.

Heres what it says.

1:offer ssri medication for management of anxiety and thoughts of an obsessive nature,Fluoxentine suggested .

2:offer 1:1 CBT talking therapy for for anxiety.

3:offer possible personality assessments with pschologist ,to better understand difficulties and guide treatment.

4:further outpatient appointments follow up after engaging in the above .

 

IT has been left open for me to contact them so im happy with that but im petrified .all the more I wonder what state im left in .

If I continue to just get worse I play into this personality dysfunction.

Ive got to agree that the anxiety is of an extreme nature and I can hardly argue with the option of fluoxitene since I wanted the bridge.

 

I think I atleast should send a letter back ,any thoughts welcomed.

 

 

[powerback]

19 minutes ago, dj2010 said:

 

yep can relate to this, I got to a decent weight up until around April then things started getting more unstable and lost lots, now down to a low weight and really struggling to put it back on, every time I start to put it back on I go into a wave and lose it all again, lost a lot of muscle mass as not been able to get to the gym, its really starting to get to me, always struggled to put on weight until I went on olanzapine, I think I have a ultra high metabolism

My health anxiety says its a chronic stress response DJ ,ive upped protein but god knows if it helps.

Good morning my freind.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Powerback,

 

5 hours ago, powerback said:

Does anyone else relate to what im experienceing ,bulk and mussel mass has been withered away from my legs and buttox,I can feel the bones of my skeleton on the chair at the dinning table.

I dont think eating junk food all day or high fat will even do anything .

I believe this is chronic stress response eating away at my tissue ,so it begs the question about riding these waves for years.

Any thoughts is welcome .

 

My upper upper arms were concerning me, especially noted changes after AP's(antipsychotics/neuroleptics).  Just this withered look and I at one time had good muscles secondary to windsurfing.  Honestly, it's improved.  Meantime I've aged a bit too so there is that.  Swimming, yoga stretches has seemed to help.

 

A couple links:

Astenia and muscle weakness

weight gain, loss, and appetite changes

(I couldn't find the link where I had contributed way back,  but these are good too)

 

4 hours ago, powerback said:

Ive got to agree that the anxiety is of an extreme nature and I can hardly argue with the option of fluoxitene since I wanted the bridge.

 

I think I atleast should send a letter back ,any thoughts welcomed.

 

I don't have any experience with the Prozac bridge.  Yet, here's what we have:  Prozac Bridge

......and I'm looking at your signature and wondering if a long HOLD might be a better option.  Are you taking 6 beads out, or just decreasing by 1 bead?  I'm not sure.  And then I see there that you have made some more frequent changes, monthly or even more often in this past year.

I know you have had some situational changes that even still may be having an effect.

If it were me......I'd probably give the CBT a try and not get into all the assessments.  Especially if you have never done CBT with another person/teacher.  And then keep in mind that sometimes one must be patient in finding a good therapist/teacher.  If the first one is not a good fit, do you get to move on to another?  I mean after you have given them a good chance, try?

 

All for now.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

Edited October 22, 2018 by manymoretodays

[powerback]

1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Powerback,

 

 

My upper upper arms were concerning me, especially noted changes after AP's(antipsychotics/neuroleptics).  Just this withered look and I at one time had good muscles secondary to windsurfing.  Honestly, it's improved.  Meantime I've aged a bit too so there is that.  Swimming, yoga stretches has seemed to help.

 

A couple links:

Astenia and muscle weakness

weight gain, loss, and appetite changes

(I couldn't find the link where I had contributed way back,  but these are good too)

 

 

I don't have any experience with the Prozac bridge.  Yet, here's what we have:  Prozac Bridge

......and I'm looking at your signature and wondering if a long HOLD might be a better option.  Are you taking 6 beads out, or just decreasing by 1 bead?  I'm not sure.  And then I see there that you have made some more frequent changes, monthly or even more often in this past year.

I know you have had some situational changes that even still may be having an effect.

If it were me......I'd probably give the CBT a try and not get into all the assessments.  Especially if you have never done CBT with another person/teacher.  And then keep in mind that sometimes one must be patient in finding a good therapist/teacher.  If the first one is not a good fit, do you get to move on to another?  I mean after you have given them a good chance, try?

 

All for now.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

 

HI MMT thanks for your input ,ive basically held for a year at 6 beads out .you are correct ive had alot happen the last few months witch is contributing to my dark waves and I need to make up my mind about taking a tooth out that has a constant small infection for years .

Take care ,ive hit an exhaustion spot so apologies I cant give a reply you deserve.

Thanks.

[manymoretodays]

No problem PB.

Oh good, you've been HOLDING!

Reply when you can.

Get some rest.

Edited October 22, 2018 by manymoretodays

[FarmGirlWorks]

On 10/21/2018 at 5:20 AM, powerback said:

https://www.fmtv.com/transcendence?FMTV=1034

 

Warning if in a dark wave ,this mite irritate you ,because we all know nothing but time can heal that ,but its good to understand what we consume and the affects on our system .

Thanks for this, @powerback. I just heard of Wim Hof at kundalini training a couple weekends ago. In kundalini, there is a lot of attention paid to the vagus nerve and using cold showers/habituation to cold in creating an optimal environment for our body; read with interest how @apace41 does a cold rinse with his shower. I am doing that too and, if anything, it does wake you up. So cold water and time! What is not to love about WD? 😉

[powerback]

13 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Thanks for this, @powerback. I just heard of Wim Hof at kundalini training a couple weekends ago. In kundalini, there is a lot of attention paid to the vagus nerve and using cold showers/habituation to cold in creating an optimal environment for our body; read with interest how @apace41 does a cold rinse with his shower. I am doing that too and, if anything, it does wake you up. So cold water and time! What is not to love about WD? 😉

Your welcome FGW .

For the momment  in this wave even the thought of cold fills me with dread,six months ago I was finishing my showers with cold .

Take Care.

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

Ah, so sorry: waves suck so hard. You can do it. I know it doesn't feel that way though.

[powerback]

32 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Ah, so sorry: waves suck so hard. You can do it. I know it doesn't feel that way though.

Hi FGWS ,I'm having a day of all sorts of feelings ,some positive ones also ,so ile take that ,no matter how fleeting  ,in a lot of pain with my back but hopefully it calms down soon .im trying to shift to positives and do a gratitude journal .I have to stop tasting the self pity soup too much lol.im waiting for fatigue to lift so I can join a yoga class .this is a must for my back and tension release .I know you do kundalini ,but I barely know how to spell that ,let alone do it ,lol.

Take care . 

[Carmie]

On 10/22/2018 at 6:07 PM, powerback said:

Hi carmie thanks for your visit ,I havent walked in weeks ,saying that ive been busy the last couple of weeks/months doing DIY at home and an elderly neighbour couldn't find anyone to decorate her hall stairs and landing so I agreed to do it for her ,I wasnt up to it at all but brought someone in on it .

Bless her heart she was so happy it got done .

I think the young are missing out not being around such kind souls like this lady.

Hope you enjoyed your visit with your friend,they can be precious when there supportive.

Take care.

 

 

Hi Powerback, 

 

Im sorry to hear that you haven’t been able to get out for your walks. You sound like you’ve been very busy with other projects though by the looks of it. It’s so lovely you have a beautiful n kind neighbour.

 

Yes, I had a nice time with my friend but was so sick. Nevertheless, it was good to catch up with her. I also caught up with friends on Sunday.

 

Im glad to hear you’re going to do a gratitude journal. No matter how I’m feeling I still try to look at the blessings around me. The friend that I met on Monday gets depressed when it rains. It had been raining for a number of days last week. I love rain! I’m a nature freak n no matter how I’m feeling I still look at nature. I went to the beach the other week n was so anhedonic n couldn’t really enjoy it but went anyway. 

 

Anyway, I had sent her a photo of the most beautiful carpet of purple Jacaranda flowers on the ground at the park near my place while it was raining. I love going out in the rain, though it had stopped when I took that photo. When I sent it I wasn’t even thinking about the fact she doesn’t like rain n I said look at these beautiful flowers on a rainy day. She said she wished she could see the positives in things like me.😀 

 

I tell you what though, I’m definitely not always positive but my thoughts still always gravitate to the nature around me, the trees, the flowers, the animals, the beaches, the creeks, the parks, the mountains etc etc. 

 

Have fun with your gratitude journal.

 

Sending hugs🤗

[Altostrata]

Hi, powerback, how are you?

[powerback]

9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hi, powerback, how are you?

Ah alto you make a grown man cry with apreication asking about me ,knowing how busy you are ,thanks so much .

In short all over the place .

Its been a very chalenging few months ,PTSD going on now meds dont numb me but always trying to learn .

Even tho im exausted ive noticed some of my old character coming back and im appreciating what I have ,my partner sees this also witch fills her with confidence .

2 years on and Im only getting to look back how hard its been for her also .I acknowledged and thanked her for her pateince .

Claire weeks helps with the insane anxiety .

Take care Alto and be well always .👍

[Distraut]

Hi Powerback

 

Still regularly following your journey to recovery and wishing you well.  So glad to hear about your "old character coming back".  That's my man.

 

My boy too has been in a better place lately and I feel we are finally getting there after a hellish two and a half years.  Hopefully he will be able to write his own "success story" in the not too distant future.

 

Hang on in there old chap.

[dj2010]

4 hours ago, powerback said:

Ah alto you make a grown man cry with apreication asking about me ,knowing how busy you are ,thanks so much .

In short all over the place .

Its been a very chalenging few months ,PTSD going on now meds dont numb me but always trying to learn .

Even tho im exausted ive noticed some of my old character coming back and im appreciating what I have ,my partner sees this also witch fills her with confidence .

2 years on and Im only getting to look back how hard its been for her also .I acknowledged and thanked her for her pateince .

Claire weeks helps with the insane anxiety .

Take care Alto and be well always .👍

 

fantastic PB that your partner is seeing you change for the better, just shows all the hard work you putting in on yourself is paying off, 

 

keep it up!