bhasski: Damaged all over ... physically , mentally and spiritually

[bhasski]

I started taking CBD oil 5 days back .. for start it appeared to help sleep.and digestion .. but now and yesterday night I coudnt sleep well.

 

I tried 3 times to bed now.. and my legs become too resltess to bear. Also digestion has gone poor.  Just had ACV teaspoon in water after l ooking over internet.

 

I am tired, more irritated and nothing seems to help.

In how many ways these drugs damage me.. ? All aspect of me took by them and left a disabled irritated angry thing...

Yes, its a thing now.. no matter how much I try.. it comes back hard doing more damage.

 

 

 

[bhasski]

2:30 AM ..

Hoping I could be able to sleep somehow? 

I always try to be away from phone, but its the only thing that keeps me from.being paranoid over sleep.

 

Wish me luck. Gn 

[bhasski]

Update: 

 

Yesterday night I was able to go to sleep by 12:30 and I woke by 8:00 am now.

 

Its the longest in these 2 years without any sleeping pills or melatonin supplement.

Feeling some different now. Irritation is there but physically and mentally its little different.

[wantrelief]

This is wonderful news, bhasski!

[dj2010]

1 hour ago, bhasski said:

Update: 

 

Yesterday night I was able to go to sleep by 12:30 and I woke by 8:00 am now.

 

Its the longest in these 2 years without any sleeping pills or melatonin supplement.

Feeling some different now. Irritation is there but physically and mentally its little different.

 

wow bhaskkhi, this shows true healing, dont be discouraged if sleep goes bad again, it will likely come in windows and waves,

 

On 5/17/2018 at 10:00 PM, bhasski said:

2:30 AM ..

Hoping I could be able to sleep somehow? 

I always try to be away from phone, but its the only thing that keeps me from.being paranoid over sleep.

 

Wish me luck. Gn 

 

you need to get some blue light blocking glasses if you are looking at your phone at night, that way it wont interfere with your circadian rhythm,

 

these are the best things I ever bought, I wear them every night after 6pm:  https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B005IPPBNI/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 

take care

[bhasski]

Thanks @dj2010.

 

I would hope this continue for long so as to make  mindset clear about healing.. Rigiourous and continuous wdl breaks all mental strength and positivity.

Also

I have not seen a pure window yet for any moment. But this definitely gives a hope for healing.

 

How are you doing?

[dj2010]

18 hours ago, bhasski said:

Thanks @dj2010.

 

I would hope this continue for long so as to make  mindset clear about healing.. Rigiourous and continuous wdl breaks all mental strength and positivity.

Also

I have not seen a pure window yet for any moment. But this definitely gives a hope for healing.

 

How are you doing?

im doing ok at the moment, just recovering from a bad few days from having to take antibiotics, hope you have had another good sleep,

 

take care

[bhasski]

Its only a night ... Last night  was bad .. Today .. I suffered sever irritation ..now feeling too .. 

Suddenly indigestion .. Tightness.. Etc etc etc.. 

I now hate to put here things. They don't stay.

[rupa]

11 hours ago, bhasski said:

Its only a night ... Last night  was bad .. Today .. I suffered sever irritation ..now feeling too .. 

Suddenly indigestion .. Tightness.. Etc etc etc.. 

I now hate to put here things. They don't stay.

No keep putting Bhasski,That is how we all will know,how the progress happened.

I am feeling that, progress is happening in your life.

You are very near to complete healing.

Continue your bravery my friend.

You are real man.

[Altostrata]

Hello, bhasski, how are you compared to 6 months ago?

 

PS SurvivingAntidepressants.org Web site volunteer help wanted!

[bhasski]

22 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, bhasski, how are you compared to 6 months ago?

 

PS SurvivingAntidepressants.org Web site volunteer help wanted!

 

I cannot compare back with 6 mos timeline as I was almost same.  Besides I was doing sth to help father which I stopped bcoz of irritation.

 

Also yesterday, I had a severe rage bout where I broke my spectacles and throwed more things...All over some past issues with my father.. and still going on. And I did fasting yesterday.

 

 

So anger is built in out of nowhere.I feel tired mentally. A 5 minute coversation seems tiresome.

Still burning intrusive thoughts, no pleasure, no relax, indgiestion, fatigue, eye blurrness, memory etc issues are there. Restless legs bother me much. I tried magnesium oil for that which didnt help.

 

If being compared to when I joined SA,

I am much better.

 

I would love to help but I am still no good.

 

PS  If you think I could be of help with very little uneven time ... i will surely help. Besides i can help with  some little corner software tech left

[Altostrata]

You are much better! 🎉 That's excellent, more to come. Which symptoms have improved?

[bheb]

Also glad to hear about your improvement! Are you still taking CBD?

 

I also have that "severe irritation" and "tightness" I think if I've understood your description properly -- it's brutal but glad you've gotten breaks.

[bhasski]

17 hours ago, bheb said:

Also glad to hear about your improvement! Are you still taking CBD?

 

I also have that "severe irritation" and "tightness" I think if I've understood your description properly -- it's brutal but glad you've gotten breaks.

 

Hi,

Yes I am still taking it.

My irritation is from everything , nothing seems the same.. and i am more tensed with the things I never cared about.

 

And occasional rage acts are worrisome.

 

I have increased CBD at night to sleep.

May be some tolerance.

[bhasski]

Another organ disaster :

 

Just  have my eyesight checked ..  Again an eyesight increase in mere 2 months.

now its l.e. 2.5 sph + 1.25 Cy 170

r.e 2.25 sph + 1.25 Cyl 170..

 

Overall increase in these 2.5 yrs of wdl is 1.25 degrees in both eyes.

 

Now 

My l. hand already got surgery for being numb.

Legs are restless.

Eyes got weaken.

Ears are overstimulated.

Digestion is damaged.

Hairs got grey.

Sleep got weird.

Immense fatigue.

Poor memory.

Restless me.

 

 

What a gift my parents, sister and idiot doctors have given me...  

And idk how to get hold back on my life with these things going on.

[bhasski]

Yesterday was another hellish day for me. It was  very hot and humid and 

my head was burning.  Its like I was burning with anger, not able to talk

 

I tried to lay down in day and my legs got so uneasy - something is crawling inside .. like a air and  strength is  sucked out from legs.

 

Also, as soon as I close my eyes, my brain starts a story with people  with recent unfavourable incidents and trying to convert story in favourable.

 

Like where I really acted rude... now I was laughing and trying to behave differently, confidently - or there is voilence ---

to get things  done ideally ... 

 

I am tired of this story making up by mind.. i dont want it and its happening daily in wdl making me not able to sleep.

 

I had to take Jatamansi to shut off it.

 

[DMV64]

Just reading a bit here and wishing you a more peaceful day...

-D

[bhasski]

2 hours ago, DMV64 said:

Just reading a bit here and wishing you a more peaceful day...

-D

 

Thanks a lot. 

I wish you calm and peace.

[bhasski]

My mind chats as I go to bed... making  stories with people. I am also there and its me who plays other peoples part... just came out of bed after 1 hr of effort to sleep.

 

Its almost 12:00 midnight here.

[powerback]

1 hour ago, bhasski said:

My mind chats as I go to bed... making  stories with people. I am also there and its me who plays other peoples part... just came out of bed after 1 hr of effort to sleep.

 

Its almost 12:00 midnight here.

This is a big problem for me constantly B ,lately even if I'm watching something my mind wanders to dialogue somewhere else . I know its far from a cure but I listen to documentary's while nodding off because if the chatter is about certain scenarios it can  actually give me anxiety .

I empathise deeply with all this mind chatter .

sorry you suffering ,take great care . 

[bhasski]

8 hours ago, powerback said:

This is a big problem for me constantly B ,lately even if I'm watching something my mind wanders to dialogue somewhere else . I know its far from a cure but I listen to documentary's while nodding off because if the chatter is about certain scenarios it can  actually give me anxiety .

I empathise deeply with all this mind chatter .

sorry you suffering ,take great care . 

 

Hi @powerback

Yes its about scenarios from  past and recent days.

And it plays like a film very much lively as soon as I close my eyes.

 

Eventually I know that I am not sleeping and it drains me out of all mental energy. I come out of bed to do things.

[rupa]

On 14 June 2018 at 9:24 AM, bhasski said:

 

Hi @powerback

Yes its about scenarios from  past and recent days.

And it plays like a film very much lively as soon as I close my eyes.

 

Eventually I know that I am not sleeping and it drains me out of all mental energy. I come out of bed to do things.

May be it is what Poetjester is calling hypnagogic  hallucinations?

I am suffering hypnopompic though.

[bhasski]

@rupa

I am thankful to your recipe of tulasi and.pudina as it provides me short time acute relief.

Though not helpful in my sleep issues much... your recipe helps me with anxiety and bad mood swings.  

I am taking it morning and evening and

 just took it and feeling the effect.

 

 

For me, its effect lasts around an hour which is also a big relief.

 

I have tried tulasi earlier alone when in bad withdrawal ... it didnt help much then. 

 

There are two factors - recipe with other ingrdients and wdl.not that severe with less akathisia.

[bhasski]

 

I am starting  Saraswatha choorna, which a Ayurveda doctor given me, from today night with milk. Its a preparation from kerala.

 

Also taking Mentat tablets, 2 tab. thrice a day..  

Wish me it helps with my racing mind.

[rupa]

1 hour ago, bhasski said:

@rupa

I am thankful to your recipe of tulasi and.pudina as it provides me short time acute relief.

Though not helpful in my sleep issues much... your recipe helps me with anxiety and bad mood swings.  

I am taking it morning and evening and

 just took it and feeling the effect.

 

 

For me, its effect lasts around an hour which is also a big relief.

 

I have tried tulasi earlier alone when in bad withdrawal ... it didnt help much then. 

 

There are two factors - recipe with other ingrdients and wdl.not that severe with less akathisia.

Thank you bhasski....:)

Today I bought sprite and 7 up cool drinks.

Picked handful of tulasi,made paste.Mixed with sugar and lime.

Then mixed 1 ltr of sprite and 7 up together and strained.

served with ice cubes.

Tomorrow I will try mixing pudina , tulasi,lime and jaggery too in 7up.

Bhasskee, all the time fill your stomach with kaju or raw grape, pomegranate,apple and banana pieces , jaggery,little lime,mixed with soft curd rice .

Every some time have stomach full of above curd rice mixed with all those fruits.

Then see how you will get healthy feeling without any stomach problems.

 

[bhasski]

I am having hard time to be with my father at shop.  He did make wrong decisions for the past 3 years I am back. The time could have been more as I was not here before.

 

I have asked him to make few changes for these 3 years but he still is doing same. We have a seasonal business and its tough competition with some MNCs brand to price out with duplicate products in market.

 

We have to sell sometimes at loss in the main season which is the only  income source. So I had told him to cut out that brand from shop for 3 years and he seems to doesnt even respond.

He listens to people who serve at shop and has no rationale talking.

 

My problem is I find it difficult to talk to customers  who talk absurd in this wdl.They sometime abuse and mostly are  farmers with less or no manner. 

I fight hard no to give up the  rage to their non-sense.

 

3 years and I still find that my father is doing same... listening others... this has let him to put me on meds. He has this wrong habit of succumbing to superstitions... no scientific (logical) base in his thinking.

 

 

 

 

 

[theloneranger86]

Bhasski

I think we have interacted on the pssdforum too. We share a very similar story in terms of our fathers being major irritants in our lives. What has helped me is being on my own and not depending on him for money/ income . Once you're independent you'll stop thinking about his decisions and all the wrong he does and you will probably come in to the loop of self improvement and healing. It might take you a year or so , but getting on your own feet will probably make a lot of difference in your life. In the meanwhile forgive him and think of him as someone you owe a karmic debt to . Every mistake he makes which affects you is probably a result of past life/ this life's karma and try to tell yourself every time that you just reduced your karmic debt

[bhasski]

20 minutes ago, theloneranger86 said:

Bhasski

I think we have interacted on the pssdforum too. We share a very similar story in terms of our fathers being major irritants in our lives. What has helped me is being on my own and not depending on him for money/ income . Once you're independent you'll stop thinking about his decisions and all the wrong he does and you will probably come in to the loop of self improvement and healing. It might take you a year or so , but getting on your own feet will probably make a lot of difference in your life. In the meanwhile forgive him and think of him as someone you owe a karmic debt to . Every mistake he makes which affects you is probably a result of past life/ this life's karma and try to tell yourself every time that you just reduced your karmic debt

Thanks for posting here.

 

Yes, he does irritate me and I accept that earning myself is the option but I need time for that. I am not well enough - both mentally and physically.

 

His decisions and my family has taken my career. I tried to talk with him but he doesn't seem to talk to.

 

His reaction to me is like hes ignoring me as a mentally sick.

 

All these years when I was out studying and doing job , I was told by my sisters to talk with him and  it was him who stops me. I feel very bad after every my each trial to talk with him.

 

How long will it take to get back my emotions and physical strength? I am tired of trying and waiting.

 

[theloneranger86]

i suggest you to take homeopathy  , whatever recovery i have made i owe it to homeopathy. PM me I will give you the homeopaths number and name .

[jonnypeters1234567]

I hope you get some relief soon

[bhasski]

Well,

For past 15 days, I again started sitting on my shop for 8 hrs. But I am feeling head pressure and pressure around eyes.

 

Also from last 2 days .. pain in chest and ribs has flared up in intensity like past.

 

How long to feel a clear window where all these symptoms vanish ,atleast for a light in tunnel ?

 

 

[rupa]

On 10 August 2018 at 12:15 AM, bhasski said:

Well,

For past 15 days, I again started sitting on my shop for 8 hrs. But I am feeling head pressure and pressure around eyes.

 

Also from last 2 days .. pain in chest and ribs has flared up in intensity like past.

 

How long to feel a clear window where all these symptoms vanish ,atleast for a light in tunnel ?

 

 

Restless legs gone?

How is sleep friend?

[bhasski]

I am sleeping okay 7-8 hrs.. But its always come late.

 

Restless legs prb is still there .. It gets lesser smtimes n more smtimes .. So up and down.

My prb is irritability in nature .

[SkyBlue]

On 9/3/2018 at 2:29 AM, bhasski said:

I am sleeping okay 7-8 hrs.. But its always come late.

 

Restless legs prb is still there .. It gets lesser smtimes n more smtimes .. So up and down.

My prb is irritability in nature .

 

Have you tried magnesium at all? 

 

Topically applied magnesium (lotion) helps me with withdrawal-induced restless legs.

[bhasski]

57 minutes ago, SkyBlue said:

 

Have you tried magnesium at all? 

 

Topically applied magnesium (lotion) helps me with withdrawal-induced restless legs.

 

Hi,

I tried that for more than a month.  I then stopped. 

This is another symptom that I am not able to continue anything longer due to inner irritation.

It builds up and I keep bursting out with leaving things at hand. 

 

Restless legs are now bearable as I am able to sleep with an effort of some pranayams ( breathing). It also goes up and down in intensity.

 

 

How r u ?

 

[SkyBlue]

1 hour ago, bhasski said:

Restless legs are now bearable as I am able to sleep with an effort of some pranayams ( breathing). It also goes up and down in intensity.

How r u ?

 

I'm glad you're receiving some relief by using breath work. I've found (simple) breath work to be really helpful too. I'm sure you're more knowledgeable about it than me. : )

 

Thanks for asking—I am plugging along with waves and windows. Like so many of us. : ) Really appreciate your asking. Hang in there, bhasski.