bhasski: Damaged all over ... physically , mentally and spiritually

[rupa]

On 3 September 2018 at 12:59 PM, bhasski said:

I am sleeping okay 7-8 hrs.. But its always come late.

 

Restless legs prb is still there .. It gets lesser smtimes n more smtimes .. So up and down.

My prb is irritability in nature .

May Lord Ganesha destroy all your worries, sorrows and tensions and fill your life with love and happiness. Happy Ganesh Chaturthi!🌸🌸

[bhasski]

6 hours ago, rupa said:

May Lord Ganesha destroy all your worries, sorrows and tensions and fill your life with love and happiness. Happy Ganesh Chaturthi!🌸🌸

 

Wish you all the best wishes though I have lost all my feelings for Godly things. 

The only thought which comes is that  there is no God who I always thought of pure good. Else why people here suffering and these psychiatists enjoy elite status instead of punishment.

[rupa]

10 hours ago, bhasski said:

 

Wish you all the best wishes though I have lost all my feelings for Godly things. 

The only thought which comes is that  there is no God who I always thought of pure good. Else why people here suffering and these psychiatists enjoy elite status instead of punishment.

https://youtu.be/yoYrLM5rGX8

Bhasskee

I started believing you are on the way of healing.

I too know, God left this planet long ago.

Let's heal ourselves and Let's fight against these brutal parenting and brutal doctors.

Make a habit of listening above link , and slowly make a habit of concentrating on it,it helped me.

It brings inner peace.

[bhasski]

Stress yes ... inability to bear excuses for a work and being in positive and happy state.

 

Today too I felt same in an incident. A friend of mine convinced me to do software learning stuff as I had work exp and I can help him out and myself too.

I told him from the very start to spend quality time and develop interest. But in 6 days I had gone only for 2 days to his place bcoz he got other engagements. Even today when I was about to leave to his place, I called him to let him know.. and he had got his work. He didnt even consider to let me know in advance.

 

What to tell such ppl ?

 

I had seen improvements but calmness and refreshness feeling is still missing. There is still a lot improve.

Memory, Pleasure, Eyes, Stomach,Anger, Irritation and sexual aspects.

[bhasski]

I broke my phone again.

 

I was playing a puzzle and it started having touches on its own.

 

I got so angry that I punched the screen.  My head burns with thoughts and I was literally cursing the non- living damn object.  

 

I feel the sense inside me is gone when in action. I feel anger and thoughts racing in head. I know that I have done a stupid act but cant control.

 

 

Still feeling bad. As there is no emotion with other thoughts.

[Anubhav]

Even I get triggered easily on Small Things, I Don't know when will we get out if this ****....They say After 5 years you have all New Body Cells in your body but the reason we are not getting well is because our body chemistry has been changed chemically......These drugs are just pure chemical poisons

Every Allopathic Medicine is **** 

[bhasski]

Fatigue , fatigue, fatigue - mental and physical.  I don't know what to do to get back little bit of energy to carry out daily tasks. 

This adds up on frustration which comes with more symptoms of wdl.

 

Friends are getting married. Everyone getting settled   and here I am suffering from past 3 yrs only to hope to get back a little bit of myself.

 

All the supplements, therapies are to fail with these evil topping everyone with their drugs.

[powerback]

16 hours ago, bhasski said:

Fatigue , fatigue, fatigue - mental and physical.  I don't know what to do to get back little bit of energy to carry out daily tasks. 

This adds up on frustration which comes with more symptoms of wdl.

 

Friends are getting married. Everyone getting settled   and here I am suffering from past 3 yrs only to hope to get back a little bit of myself.

 

All the supplements, therapies are to fail with these evil topping everyone with their drugs.

Your far from alone B ,we need to find some silver linning in this misery ,I know its impossible to imagine.

I get you about supplements and therapies,I spend money on good quality foods and wonder if it does anything for me .maybe ile try a bread and water diet and see the difference .

Take care  

[bhasski]

I have this fear which has developed by a pattern of insomnia that whenever I start getting sleep for a period.. I tend to discuss with it someone after a period of a week or more feeling recovery - and then the same very  day I cannot sleep and then there is again me in wdl with heavy sleep issues.

 

 

Today happened so again. I told my friend that I am sleeping okay than before for about 10 days and I am unable to sleep now. My mind keeps thinking garbage from all around and it won't stop. 

Why  the same day always?

 

 

[Altostrata]

bhasski, meditation at those times can quiet your mind so sleep can take over. Recommended!

[Carmie]

Hi bhasski, 

 

Im sorry about your sleep problems. You said your sleep gets bad on the night you tell a friend you’ve been sleeping well for a while. Might be best not to tell anyone as it seems as soon as you talk about it it makes you extremely anxious n then you ruminate about it too much n then can’t sleep. 

 

Take care💚

[bhasski]

14 hours ago, Carmie said:

Hi bhasski, 

 

Im sorry about your sleep problems. You said your sleep gets bad on the night you tell a friend you’ve been sleeping well for a while. Might be best not to tell anyone as it seems as soon as you talk about it it makes you extremely anxious n then you ruminate about it too much n then can’t sleep. 

 

Take care💚

 

Thanks. 

Yes, I will do this. But I still can't understand why I start ruminating on garbage thoughts and overactive. I don't think about sleep - its like old intrusive thoughts for past and future events.

 

Even the breathing also gets distorted in the  state.

 

@Altostrata  I tried breathing exercises but it didn't help much.  Was so overactive yesterday. I slept by 3:45am and woke up by 7:30 - tired as usual.  

 

I always wake up ending the dream film which feels real and tiring .. never feels like the dreams like I used to have or were textbook type.

 

[bhasski]

 

There was another event that happened that made me disturbed. 

 

My elder sister who live in States emailed me the online discussion where people were talking about the reality of Bipolar illness and need of meds.

 

I got so frustrated that I blocked her and told her not to email me again. 

 

She was the reason who compelled me to take meds even I was having serious side effects.  I suffered hell and she denied withdrawal. She didn't even read the articles and links of SA that I sent her as a proof.

 

Now again shes advocating Bipolar.

 

How can someone who once was close to you can be so stupid ? 

 

 

[powerback]

4 minutes ago, bhasski said:

 

There was another event that happened that made me disturbed. 

 

My elder sister who live in States emailed me the online discussion where people were talking about the reality of Bipolar illness and need of meds.

 

I got so frustrated that I blocked her and told her not to email me again. 

 

She was the reason who compelled me to take meds even I was having serious side effects.  I suffered hell and she denied withdrawal. She didn't even read the articles and links of SA that I sent her as a proof.

 

Now again shes advocating Bipolar.

 

How can someone who once was close to you can be so stupid ? 

 

 

Hi Bhasski ,this is very hard on you in relation to your sister ,in there minds there helping but its not helpful if they don't have experience or a background in this suffering ,we on SA are going to have to keep this in mind .having opinions on anything to do with mental health and suffering should be illegal unless you've gone through it ,we need to treat these opinions like this ,but its hard to not be wound up by it .

I used the Autoimmune condition to describe my ongoing misery to a friend today rather than withdrawal because it could never be on there radar .

Don't judge yourself ,im suffering with a lot that you are writing about .

Be safe.

[Altostrata]

You don't have to understand why you have intrusive thoughts. If you don't like them, you can manage them by meditating.

 

If breathing exercises don't work for you, use a different technique.

 

You might tell your sister to mind her own business.

[bhasski]

9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

If breathing exercises don't work for you, use a different technique.

 

You might tell your sister to mind her own business

 

Hmm  Thank you for the input.

Yesterday I tried watching the thoughts .. basic of meditation technique along with breathing. Not to say it helped much or not.

Also, I have told my sister to not send me psychiatry crap.

 

19 hours ago, powerback said:

Autoimmune condition to describe my ongoing misery to a friend today rather than withdrawal because it could never be on there radar .

Don't judge yourself ,im suffering with a lot that you are writing about .

Be safe.

 

Tx PB. 

Actually I have stopped telling wdl and asking help from her or known relative.

Its after a long time she emailed me. 

 

I feel that I am always in a hangovered state ( where you feel helpless with thoughts and action). My eyes are always tired. 

 

How are you doing? I hope you seeing signs of recovery from the tume you joined. 

Take Care.

[powerback]

4 hours ago, bhasski said:

 

Hmm  Thank you for the input.

Yesterday I tried watching the thoughts .. basic of meditation technique along with breathing. Not to say it helped much or not.

Also, I have told my sister to not send me psychiatry crap.

 

 

Tx PB. 

Actually I have stopped telling wdl and asking help from her or known relative.

Its after a long time she emailed me. 

 

I feel that I am always in a hangovered state ( where you feel helpless with thoughts and action). My eyes are always tired. 

 

How are you doing? I hope you seeing signs of recovery from the tume you joined. 

Take Care.

Eyes always tired is one Ive got the last few months ,my body is physically much  worse than when i first joined    and other symptoms are worse so im really worried for my future .I can see how some fall victim to phyciatrists labels because everything im experiencing is playing right into the DSMs hands.i spent the whole day out and about doing chores on the town in absolute bits ,I woke this morning  suicidal  ,its time to either by into the labels and drug me or try living on my own in the wilderness because I cant see living like I am as working .the last 2 days are a living  nightmare.

You take care .

[bhasski]

3 hours ago, powerback said:

my body is physically much  worse than when i first joined    and other symptoms are worse so im really worried for my future .

 

I can understand what u r saying.  I too feel physcically super weak ... And i m really sorry you are also in pain.

 

3 hours ago, powerback said:

its time to either by into the labels and drug me or try living on my own in the wilderness because I cant see living like I am as working .the last 2 days are a living  nightmare

 

I would like you not to buy psychiatry stuff and do try all the other therapies out there. There is no end to misery in psychiatry and its not a science.

 

I know its not life.

 

(Mod Note:  please research before trying new things and only make 1 change at a time.  Use google and add survivingantidepressants.org to the search term)

Please try homeopathy, ayurveda , accupuncture, TCM or anything accessible first.  I believe in people like alto, brassmonkey, aeroman n many others who recovered.. I wish I am right in this aspect.

 

 Hope you find some way and relief. 

Bhasski

 

Edited October 26, 2018 by ChessieCat
mod note

[powerback]

15 minutes ago, bhasski said:

 

I can understand what u r saying.  I too feel physcically super weak ... And i m really sorry you are also in pain.

 

 

I would like you not to buy psychiatry stuff and do try all the other therapies out there. There is no end to misery in psychiatry and its not a science.

 

I know its not life.

 

Please try homeopathy, ayurveda , accupuncture, TCM or anything accessible first.  I believe in people like alto, brassmonkey, aeroman n many others who recovered.. I wish I am right in this aspect.

 

 Hope you find some way and relief. 

Bhasski

Cheer's B I appreciate your kind words .im not sure what  to think to be honest anymore ,if I think of it im markedly worse this year than last ,the last week I wake with so much vulnerability/scared  I get comfort from  hiding under the duvet like a child ,this does dissipate though .of course theres lots of people  that recover but im starting to wonder about my state of mind long before meds so im in a tremendous funk ,

I am barely able to look at my father for 3 years because I partly blame him  for my mindset .ile open a can of worms if I don't learn to drop this because all I do is come across neurotic .

I do wonder if some trauma at a certain age has stunted my emotional maturity .theres a demon inside me that wont drop certain things so only time will tell were I end up ,as I sit here tonight I don't really care .I bought some lavender oil to help with anxiety .

Be safe and kind to yourself ,this eludes me today .

 

[Altostrata]

You might want to play a loop of meditation music all night long and follow the music instead of thinking your thoughts. That is another way of quieting the mind.

[rupa]

On 27 October 2018 at 12:55 AM, Altostrata said:

You might want to play a loop of meditation music all night long and follow the music instead of thinking your thoughts. That is another way of quieting the mind.

Brilliant and very true advice by Madam Alto, Bhasski...Because, I did it so many weeks in recovery and withdrawal , especially in tough imbearable moments.It helped me so much. I was listening to best om chanting by dhyan guru in you tube. Its simple vocal OM chanting without any instrumental music in back ground.My brain still likes it that ,simple way.

My net is weak at present to send a link now.

 

[bhasski]

On 10/26/2018 at 7:13 AM, Altostrata said:

 

 

 

On 10/25/2018 at 9:23 PM, powerback said:

 

 

[bhasski]

@Altostrata  @brassmonkey

 

I need your help. I have been trying hard to live my life okay without the calmness and all the personality issues I got in this wdl.

Yesterday I fought my father when he talked stupidly to a person when he was agreeing a person on shop that I should have prepared civil exams seeing my academic record. I got angry as he was there when I was bed bound because of their decisions and still suffering. 

 

Today again I shouted at him.

 

A single sentence from him and I just brim with anger. 

 

When this anger will go out. Neither working is helping ... Nothing is helping out. Lost my smile and jolly nature.

 

 

Am I on the right path condemning psychiatry and staying away from it? 3+ years is along time in this pain.

 

 

 

[brassmonkey]

When a person is in command of their emotions anger is a luxury that is easily displayed.  It is a simple emotion that releases a lot of neurotransmitters and can remove a lot of tension from the body. But it can be over done and can easily get out of control.  This was the main reason I started on ADs so many years ago, to get it under control.

 

When the mind/body is under the influence of ADs it's a different story.  There are several times during ADWD that are marked by extreme anger that are due to the mind/body going through the healing process.  The mind had little to no control over the emotions and the body is experiencing extreme frustration from the healing process.  There is also an extreme lack of self control that makes it very easy to lash out in anger over things that normally wouldn't be upsetting.  This just explains it, it doesn't make it right and we still have to live with the consequences of those outbursts.

 

Frequently it is possible to feel things building up before an outburst.  With practice a person can see it coming, recognize situations that can cause trouble and avoid them.  I talk about this in my essay "Are We There Yet....." that I referred you to on another thread.  I would suggest reading it.

[ChessieCat]

I've moved the posts between you and Kiaza to Kiaza's intro so that Lex1992 stays as her intro topic.

 

I've quoted these below because they are about your own situation.

 

16 hours ago, bhasski said:

Hi,

How are you doing?

I can totally relate for what you are saying. I too feel that I am behaving like a 15 yrs old and living it .. though I don't want it now.

 

I feel I have lost my behaviour and maturity.

Is it coming back for you?

 

 

@braaaaaap @brassmonkey

Tom,

I want to have your support as I look upto you a great success. I want to know how long will it take to have cognition ... emotions back.I have seen improvements but past 3 years and still not feeling myself is a lot to take on.

 

 I know its futile to ask , still your words , experience matters a lot.

 

4 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

It's never futile to ask an honest question. Sometimes it takes a while for us to get back to a person, but we always have some sort of answer.  I'm out of town right now so have very limited time to respond to posts so I will direct you to my essay "Are We There Yet, How long with Withdrawal take".  It's pinned at the top of the Symptoms and self care forum and will answer a lot of the questions you have about getting better.  Which, by the way, you will.  It all will come back given time.

 

Here's the link:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

[Altostrata]

I suggest you start a topic in the Relationships forum to discuss your situation with your father. The staff can't fix that for you. Whether you want to take drugs is your decision.

[bhasski]

 

6 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I suggest you start a topic in the Relationships forum to discuss your situation with your father. The staff can't fix that for you. Whether you want to take drugs is your decision.

 

Theres nothing to discuss about it. 

It was same as before wdl. He behaved as he was earlier. 

 

Only think that I don't have same reaction now.  I just have outbursts for it.

 

Is there any less worse medication to start with?

[GirlfromD]

On 10/21/2018 at 6:20 PM, bhasski said:

Fatigue , fatigue, fatigue - mental and physical.  I don't know what to do to get back little bit of energy to carry out daily tasks. 

This adds up on frustration which comes with more symptoms of wdl.

 

Friends are getting married. Everyone getting settled   and here I am suffering from past 3 yrs only to hope to get back a little bit of myself.

 

All the supplements, therapies are to fail with these evil topping everyone with their drugs.

Hello bhasski, how are you doing? I can relate to some of your frustrations very well, im about to hit the 3 mark very soon myself, and i also thought i would be having much more progress by now, even so i'd still prefer this state any day over the misery the pills made me feel, thats for sure. I still have hope, even though days of symtoms seems to be never ending, even though i too have a lot of family issues going on, even though im not capable of working yet, i keep on going. Do you know this saying; "Good things come to those who wait." I know it's tough being in this state, when everybody else seem to be going on with life,  family and society's expectations wich you fail to live up to, but know this, one day we will heal too, and move on with our lives just like everybody else. I just recently started doing some guided meditations, and they helped me especially with my anger issues.  Wishing you all the best!

[Altostrata]

bhasski, we can't recommend any drugs to you so you may cope better with your father. That is a situation that requires better communication within your family rather than a drug.

[bhasski]

@brassmonkey  I have reread your emotional spiral knowledge base or anger spiral. 

 

That's whats happened to me recently. A  single sentence made me in  escalation and then outburst. Just a day before I walked out of the situation, but couldn't on the day.

 

I am feeling totally drained  and hollow again and the intrusive thoughts have increased.

 

I am not able to talk with my father. His face reminds me again the scene and my mind starts rushing again with anger. Thats why moving on is getting difficult.

 

Whenever this outbursts happen, it stirs everything in me, my thoughts , decisions and plans. Everything get on hold.

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi bhasski, 

 

How have you been doing?💚

[kara100]

Hi bhasski, my name is kara100. I can feel your situation you are put in because of the psychiatric drugs. As a psychiatric drug survivor by myself, I can only tell you that it can all get better, if you eat really really healthy, and try to take less outside stress. In my case, I have to follow antihistamines diet to sleep properly and once you start sleeping properly, your body will help you heal more quickly. Just eat less rotis, and more quinoa and fruits and vegetables  that are organic and fresh whenever possible.

[bhasski]

On 4/24/2018 at 9:49 AM, bhasski said:

I am feeling tired of all of this..

A friend of mine who is in IT met me .. He talked about my past and why I am suffering ... to go see a doctor.

 

I looked Ken Gillman site where he was advocating MAOIs.

Is is worth trying nardil or parnate now?

@Altostrata  please guide me.

 

 

@Altostrata @brassmonkey

 

Will this help to get myself back?

 

Or my mind playing tricks.

[Altostrata]

I don't know what might be helpful. MAOIs have lots of side effects. I would not take them.

 

What are your worst symptoms now? What is your sleep pattern? Are you still working with your father?

 

 

[bhasski]

@brassmonkey 

Tom, how long, how long and how long?

 

I am still  off meds and  months and months are passing. Still I feel like someone else.. new me who is less of emotions or have to fake.

 

I could sleep now but feel weak and less of energy all the time.

 

Same question to you @Altostrata?

 

[brassmonkey]

It's going to take a long time and a lot of work on your part to rebuild your life.  I've been reading back through your thread and can see that you've been offered a lot of advise on things to try.  All the meditation and self soothing techniques take time and practice to really work well. It doesn't just happen over night.  Here is a good thread that talks a lot about how long things are going to take:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/17909-are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take/