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☼ Undiagnosed1: Unsure of what to do next

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Undiagnosed1

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Undiagnosed1

Even though I don't seem to be getting any responses to my last few post I'm gonna try again.

 

Off mirtazapine since February 26th 2017

Off trazodone since August 11th 2017

Off coreg since December 1st

 

Highest bp reading since 135/90 a few palpitations if I do to much but not to bad 

 

I've been trying to tough this out without bothering you guys and gals but I'm struggling a bit.

 

If it wasn't for my mornings being so excruciating I could push on a little easier.

I'm waking up with morning anxiety and racing thoughts but that's not the worse part it's the feeling of electricity passing through my body. It's so bad I'm still considering the mirt reinstatement 

 

My question is is it possible it could stop this? It has been the same since February. 

 

I saw massive improvement getting off the coreg in both daytime anxiety and depression

All though I still do get waves of depression and tearfulness. Psychical anxiety is very low to the point of not even having to take the mag.

 

Please respond "fingers crossed"

 

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Happy2Heal

hi there, 

according to your signature, it looks like you tapered way too quickly off of 3 meds, is that right? or maybe I'm reading it wrong 

I don't know if a reinstatement would help you or not, hopefully a mod can weigh in on that. I did a too fast taper off lexapro and reinstated a tiny tiny bit and it did help me but I also went thru a year of awful symptoms

 

they DID improve gradually and I'm doing great now, though

 

 

However  no one can tell you if a reinstatement will help you or not.  So much of this is unknown territory. 

 

I know the feelings are uncomfortable but perhaps you can find a way to distract yourself? I feel sure that they will pass, in time

 

hang in there, you will heal

 

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Undiagnosed1

I'm not even gonna bs you i did a two week taper off of 15mg mirtazapine

Which was almost the end of me. It was almost 4 months of having to be watched 24/7 before my family would leave me alone.

 

Akathisia and the worst anxiety I have ever experienced in my life hit at month 6-7. Lasted more than a month from the time I awoke to the time I went to bed.

 

I was found sitting on our porch with a gun in my lap. I just kept repeating to myself out loud how much I loved my wife.

 

PS guns are gone now 

 

I have been waking in this manner ever since d/c the mirt 

Horrible racing thoughts / anxiety / feeling of electricity passing through my body.

 

I went off 25 mg of trazodone  August 11th 

No noticable withdrawal since only improvement

 

Tapered BP meds over 2 month period

A little withdrawal nothing serious / more improvement in depression / feeling 

Literally crazy. Like scary crazy feeling , didn't even know this was possible from a BP meds.

 

From June to December reduced gabapentin from 1500 to 300

Withdrawal of a 100mg at a time. I know way to fast

Withdrawal has followed a very typical pattern that last 3-5 days

Within 48 hours bad thoughts / teeth hurting / joint pain / sometimes slight increased anxiety.

It always passes quickly.

 

If a minute ri of mirt could stop the way I'm waking I'm willing to do it after Christmas. 

 

Also the psychiatrist has cut off the gabapentin refills I have a total of 360 

100mg capsules to make my way off of it. She also spoke to my GP and told him not to fill them she wants me off. Scary 

 

8:00 am 500mg taurine / two omegas / 

9:00pm 300 gabapentin

11:00pm 1000mg taurine / 250mg mag citrate.....bed.

Wake up 7:00 -8:00 am 

 

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AliG

Hi UD. Would you mind updating your signature for this year, as it will be easier for everyone to see your situation at a glance without having to scroll back through your history. It will bring it up to date.

 

How long do your racing thoughts/anxiety and electrical feelings usually last? Do you feel it's totally unbearable or something that you can potentially work through?

 

It sounds like the typical window and waves pattern of recovery, in which case holding for now, could possibly be the best option at this point. You have had so many drug changes/fast tapers etc. that a hold could help your CNS to adjust and catch up ~ hopefully, reaching some level of homeostasis.

 

You have reduced your drug load quite substantially, which is to be commended ~ If you feel that you can manage the symptoms, I would be inclined to keep pushing on without reinstating.There is usually going to be some level of discomfort throughout this process and it's really up to you to establish what you can and can't handle. As you already know, it can often change quite quickly and next week you might be feeling very differently, to the way you are now.

 

You've come quite a way, with improvement, which is encouraging. You may find that reading back through some of the topics in Symptoms and Self- Care could help to give you more ideas on dealing with some of the anxiety that you are currently experiencing. How are you managing your anxiety ~ is your toolbox full of coping strategies? Sometimes, it's good to re- evaluate and really start to practice some of these skills, as they are ultimately going to help you through this, moving towards a drug free future.

 

These links may help : 

 

Waking with panic or anxiety -- managing cortisol spikes

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Ali

Edited by AliG
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nz11

Here is a pm reposted here with permission from undiagnosed so that hopeful those older and wiser can give some input to these questions.

 

 

7 hours ago, Undiagnosed1 said:

I wanted to ask you a question about this symptom as I see you have posted about it numerous times. 

 

I did CT most of my meds this started with mirtazapine in February 2017 

 

I don't wake up in a panic but as soon as my mind comes online in the morning it's instant depression and si 

 

Once I'm up it takes me an hour to calm down because is scares the **** outta me.

 

This is my most disturbing symptom.

 

How long did it last for you? How did you cope? 

 

I do have anxiety issues which I'm trying to work through. It's just so difficult to do so with this symptom along with the ocd. 

 

It's like my brain won't allow me to think about anything other than withdrawal and my symptoms.

 

I desperately want to make it through this without reinstating a drug bit I have a baby on the way and I need to be able to function.

 

This puts alot of stress on me. 

 

I was once a high functioning now I'm a shell of a man and I feel crazy

 

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nz11
On ‎12‎/‎17‎/‎2017 at 6:13 PM, Undiagnosed1 said:

Also the psychiatrist has cut off the gabapentin refills I have a total of 360 

100mg capsules to make my way off of it. She also spoke to my GP and told him not to fill them she wants me off. Scary 

This is actually beyond scary. Its criminal!! imo

 

 

Are you still taking clonazepam when did you start and stop -dates?

 

 

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Undiagnosed1

 

 

Off mirtazapine since February 26th 2017

Off trazodone since August 11th 2017

 

 

Was give 10 .5 Pam's months ago still have 9 1/2

 

Haven't had access to a PC only my phone so can't update signature

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Undiagnosed1

Knock on wood I haven't had horrible symptoms coming down on gabapentin 

Some tearfulness teeth hurting and no more depression than I've had in a while

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nz11

Sorry you are going through this U.

yes I experienced this and I hate to say it but it went on for several years and left me nonfunctioning. I endured and survived and basically chose suffering. In time it receded.

 

You say you haven't had horrible wdls from gaba but you say currently you have si ...to what do you attribute that too ? Were you stable before you tapered gaba?

 

Can you update the gaba taper details in the drug sig. What are you on now?

 

Sorry I am not a doctor but what is 'Pams' ? is it nortriptyline? 

Can you update this in your drug sig. 

Why are you taking that?

 

 

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Undiagnosed1

Pam's = Klonopin

 

I'm on 300 mg now I've been coming down from 1500 for 6 months.

 

I attribute the si to the ground hog day effect.

 

The si is not constant it's from battle fatigue

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nz11
56 minutes ago, Undiagnosed1 said:

attribute the si to the ground hog day effect.

sorry I am a country boy from waipu not West Virginia ...what does this mean.

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Undiagnosed1

Sorry it's a movie where the actor wakes up to the same day repeating itself over and over. I'ma country boy too from Virginia just not west Virginia 😶😶

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nz11

Can you put a date as to when this GHD effect began....maybe just maybe it coincided with a taper change? 

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Undiagnosed1

Early March

 

It started with the mirtazapine

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nz11
4 hours ago, Undiagnosed1 said:

Was give 10 .5 Pam's months ago still have 9 1/2

oh now I understand what you are saying is you had been given 10 pills of 0.5 klonopin and so far you have only used one half of a 0.5 mg pill.

If it were me I would take the balance and remove them permanently off the property so they are never taken.

 

Sounds like you are in mirtz wdl but it could be worsened by wdl off the other drugs.

Maybe one  option might be to not taper the gaba anymore to sit this out until you are stable. Is that something you think you could do. Refuse to add anymore drugs. It could take many months to become stable.

 

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nz11

Note for those who are reading the pm reposted above was referring to suicidal ideations.

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Undiagnosed1

All the drugs minus the k were prescribed at the same time because I was having panic attacks that I couldn't stop. Which I haven't had one since.... I understand what you're saying about the k but I have been very responsible only taking .125 twice in almost 5 months. Especially seeing as it is the only thing that haults the morning bad thoughts apon waking. I don't want to take any and will only do so in a dire emergency. 

 

Unfortunately I'm gonna have to make a call soon as to what I'm gonna do. I need to work because I have a little one on the way. 

 

As much as I hate these drugs I may have to put my hatred aside for my child. It's a fn bad position to be in. 

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nz11

Were you on any other drugs or had come off any other drugs in 2016 prior to the ones you have mentioned. Just wondering the cause of the panic attacks.

 

okay well I'm sorry you are in this difficult situation.

If you cant hold it you cant hold it.

imo If you go to the doctor the outcome will be pretty predictable a CT off the gaba and a new drug. 

 

 

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Undiagnosed1

I was on no drugs prior to all this 

The panic attacks were triggered by sjs followed by a black widow spider bite followed by a hernia due to convulsions from the spider bite all within a year.

 

Trauma trauma and more trauma.

 

I'm going to try and get off the gabapentin as slowly as I can with the amount off capsules allotted and pray things improve as the gabapentin has caused bad thoughts for me for a long time which is why I don't take them during the day. After I take the dose the thoughts flood in. 

 

I think the sjs made me hypersensitive to drugs as it doesn't just effect the outside of your body. It's tmi but I clearly remember passing what looked like skin when using the bathroom.

 

 

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Undiagnosed1

I do want to thank you so much for all your time nz. It's nice to have someone to talk to and I do share your belief's on these drugs. I feel like if I would have been given 2 or 3 benzos to get me past the panic attacks I would have never been in this position. I never had a bad thought in my life before this crap.

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nz11

No worries.

Dont worry we all have the same doctor harmed story. 

You are not alone.

 

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Undiagnosed1

Well time for an update 

 

I'm two days completely med free.

I feel very lucky to still be sleeping 7 or so hours 

Mornings are still the worst some feelings of being crazy which I never felt before all this crap.

Still struggling with a few things 

Some depression

Hopelessness

OCD my mind doesn't seem to want to shift from all I've been through over this past year 

Fear...like a need to escape all the time

I need to try and shift these patterns.

 

I'd be happy to hear any suggestions or healing thoughts on these issues 

 

Ty,

      Joe

 

 

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Survivor1

Hi Joe,

 

Thank you for stopping by my thread.  You are right, when one is feeling bad, it is a great relief to find someone to commiserate with.

 

Even though you are not out of the woods, at least you have the drugs out of your system, that way healing is happening everyday.  Just hold on (easy to say, I know), it will get better.

 

Unfortunately for me, I have an adverse reaction situation.  I am desperately trying not to cold turkey trazodone as I do not think I could deal with the fallout (I had made a 12g drop once, and thought I would die, so you get the idea).  But being on it is so horrific as I get these alerting symptoms 1 hour after dosing and throughout the night, leading to 3 hours sleep on a good day!   So I've begun dropping, even though I am not fully stable from my remeron d/c.  I am sure I am suffering from PTSD from everything.

 

All the best to you, and thank you for reaching out to me in my time of need:P.

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Undiagnosed1

I can most definitely relate to the PTSD 

feeling. I've had alot of trauma in my life in the past few years but this takes the f'ing cake.

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nz11

Congratulations on being med free Undiagnosed.

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Undiagnosed1

Ty nz 

 

Now I can prey for healing in a timely manner.

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Survivor1

Hi Undiagnosed,

 

How are you these days?  I hope you are seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.  Above all, you are off all these lovely drugs.  That's something to celebrate. 

 

Best.

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Undiagnosed1

Hey survivor,

 

I'm doing ok I suppose. Mornings are still pretty rocky. Waking up mind racing and feeling pretty low but after I get up and moving I'm not to bad. Still dealing with some neuro fear,shame,guilt and negative rumination. I'm trying to work through it as best I can by listening to mooji on YouTube. Motivation still pretty low but I've been pushing through remodeling the spare bedroom for the arrival of our first child in june. Over all 

as I look back through my post I've come a heck of a long way but I still feel pretty traumatized over what's happened this past year.

 

Enough about me how are you feeling?

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Survivor1

Hi UD,

 

Sorry things are a bit rocky for you.  I guess we all have to play the waiting game ... Over time it will all come together, but as we know, the trick is how to cope in the intervening months.

 

Congratulations on your first child!  This is a very exciting time for you and your wife.  In the next few months until the arrival, you should have some more healing and hopefully be able to cope with (and enjoy!) a newborn.  If you think a newborn is challenging, wait until they are teenagers (I have 2), lol!

 

I am hanging there, just out of a nasty wave of insomnia (I hope).  I plan to do a long hold of trazodone for now.

 

Take care and use all the coping skills you can muster, Youtube and all.  All the best.

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Undiagnosed1

Today marks one year free of mirtazapine. So many times I didn't think I'd make it this far and without some serious support from my wife I wouldn't have. Coming off my other two meds was seemingly easy compared to this one. Cold turkey of this drug took me to places I didn't think possible and it's been a hell of a ride. Am I healed....no am I much better than I was without a doubt yes. The depression, fear, and anxiety are a fraction of what it was though I do still have a bit of all of them. My mornings are still the worst but considerably better. Ive gone back to having decaf coffee, ginger ale, occasional dr. pepper and pure leaf tea with no adverse effects. If I exert myself to much I'll have cortisol in the middle of the night. Still sleeping my 7 hours though it doesn't feel very restful. Stress tolerances are a bit better, but I'm having horrible gastritis like symptoms with every meal no matter what I seem to eat. Showering regularly trying to remodel a bedroom for my first child to arrive in june. I want so badly to get back to full time work but I don't want to push myself to hard as I've come off of four drugs in a year and I'm sure I'm still sensitive to a great degree. Things I need to work on include accepting what has happened to me and dealing with the taruma of it all. Gotta go but I'll update more soon. Hope and healing to all

 

Joe

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wantrelief

Wow!  I read through your thread and you've been through a lot, UD.  Congratulations on being one year free from mirtazapine - it sounds like you've noticed some really great positive changes since being off of it.  Please do continue to update us on your recovery.  And congratulations on your first child!!

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Undiagnosed1

Thank you " want " I am noticing positive changes 👍👍 it has been absolute hell but that's the price to pay for wanting to be drug free and going about it in the wrong manner. I'm still alive and I'm thankful for that. The upward trend continues and that gives me more hope than I've had in a long time.

 

If my mornings continue getting better and the God awful gastro symptoms calm down I'll consider myself a success 😂😂 this past year has far and away been the worst in my life but I owe it to my wife to keep pushing forward.

 

She is the best thing that's ever happened to me, she married me in the midst of withdrawal and even though she didn't understand how this agony was possible 

She believed everything I said was happening to me which is one of the biggest hurdles. I can't tell you how many times I heard....you just have to push through....you just need to pick yourself up etc etc. When all my friends and family disappeared she and her family kept me alive. I owe them the world.

 

That's my motivation to get better. 

 

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Survivor1

Hi Joe,

 

You may want to connect with Freespirit who underwent a fast taper of mirtazepine and developed histamine issues.  She has great advice.  You may have to eliminate several foods for awhile.  I have, such as eggplant, tomatoes, citrus.  I find that I get extreme bloating and indigestion when I eat these.  I suspect that you also have histamine issues, and you may want to go on a low histamine diet (did not even know that there was such a thing, but there is.  Google it.)

 

Mirtazepine (and to a lesser extent, trazodone) binds potently to histamine receptors, and absent a proper taper, many develop sensitivity to high histamine foods.  The only way to know if a food is high in histamine for you is to experiment. although there is some guidance out there as to some foods, such as those I mentioned, which are problematic for a lot of us sensitive people.

 

Hope this helps.  And what a great wife; it's critical for us to get support at this time, and many of us find that close ones sometimes are unable to understand what we go through. 

 

All the best.

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Survivor1

Hello Joe,

 

It's been  a while since we heard from you.  I hope things have improved for you.  I know you were expecting a child this summer, I hope all went well and you have seen enough healing to enjoy the baby.  Let us know how you are doing.

 

Best.

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ChessieCat

Hi Undiagnosed1 and what wonderful news.  Thank you for coming back to update us.  It is very much appreciated.

 

1 hour ago, Undiagnosed1 said:

22 months off Mirtazapine C/T

15 months off Trazodone fast tapper 

14 months off Coreg fast taper 

12 months off gabapintin  fast taper  

 

It is difficult for me to come back to SA, but I swore that if I managed to get past my withdrawal syndrome that I would come back and write my success story.

 

And congratulations on the birth of your son too.

 

Undiagnosed1 has written his success story and as is the tradition of SA, this topic will be now be locked.   fully-functional-undiagnosed1

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