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xyz: Lexapro, my intro

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JackieDecides
7 hours ago, xyz said:

i had a heavy cog fog that day and it was at the end of the day and I was really tired, so i probably didn't give a good impression.

 

that's too bad.

 

I have a job interview on Monday and I really hope I'm in good shape for it. 

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xyz
On 6/1/2019 at 7:56 PM, JackieDecides said:

 

that's too bad.

 

I have a job interview on Monday and I really hope I'm in good shape for it. 

 

Jackie,

i saw on your thread that you got the job! 

congratulations! one step at a time.

the renting situation will sort itself out once you get into a job routine. it will feel less overwhelming.

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xyz

update:

4 weeks after my last dose of Lex.

i had some weird days of low motivation and thought "wait a minute, is this depression?"

then, it has been quite good again for the last couple of days.

sleep is really good, 7 to 8 hours at night.

my dreams have come back.

yup, i am still as messed up as i was before the meds, but i am wiser now.

i have a very active mind. 

i watched a interview of an artist and finally understood that there was nothing wrong with me. i could absolutely relate to what he was saying

 

i am trying to get back to exercising and meditation but the lack of motivation is an impediment for sure.

 

still tapering the valium, i will be off in a couple of months.

i can't believe that that day will come when i will be med free.

i have been so obsessed with getting off them and now it feels inevitable...

everything is a journey.

 

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JackieDecides
2 hours ago, xyz said:

i am trying to get back to exercising and meditation but the lack of motivation is an impediment for sure.

 

yes, I am having this problem. the more important I think it is - meditation, especially - the less I do it. ☹️

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xyz

pfaw,

i should know this by now. right after i posted that  was doing well, i had a bad night.

i forgot to take my valium and woke up with heart palpitations and racing thoughts.

i had thoughts about things  that i have done wrong and about times when i was angry with my kids and how this will affect them for life.

i had to keep something heavy on my chest and pray.

eventually i went back to sleep to an agitated dream.

i woke up with a heavy feeling of sadness.

this is a feeling that i always had before i was put on meds.

it is incredible to experience the contrast.

no wonder why people keep taking them as long as they are working.

 

i am drinking my coffee, hopefully things will get better as the day progresses.

 

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JackieDecides
3 hours ago, xyz said:

i am drinking my coffee, hopefully things will get better as the day progresses.

 

I hope you do feel better, sorry it was such a hard night.

 

although it was very difficult, I decaffeinated myself and it was very worth doing. caffeine is such a stimulant, even one cup of "half-caff" in the morning is a big deal to me, and can affect my sleep at night. 

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xyz
On 6/16/2019 at 9:02 AM, JackieDecides said:

 

although it was very difficult, I decaffeinated myself and it was very worth doing. caffeine is such a stimulant, even one cup of "half-caff" in the morning is a big deal to me, and can affect my sleep at night. 

 

Hi Jackie,

i would like to reduce my coffee intake.

i usually take 2 coffee in the morning before the kids wake up then get them ready and get myself ready, after dropping them off and going to work, i am tired enough to need another coffee.

i take the nespresso shot so they are stronger but they taste so good and my 3 cups have been my companion throughout my taper.

coffee have helped when i was depressed and unmotivated, when i was too tired to work and take are of the kids. it helped with my dizziness and even heart palps. it gives me enough energy to work out daily

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xyz

update:

been feeling quite good.

had a night of difficult sleep but it resumed the next day. been sleeping 8 to 9 hours for the last 3 days.

the depression is gone.

i got a significant raise at work so i will stick around for a while.

still tapering the valium slowwwly.

another 8 weeks to get off the last 0.22mg.

 

i am on vacation this week!

life is really good. so grateful for everything.

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xyz

update:

pfaw, i shouldn't write when i feel good anymore.

each time i do this, i get a day of wave...

last night I woke up at 2am with heart palp and nightmare. went back to sleep for an hour.

usual symptoms of withdrawal, fear, hear palp, body buzzing, louder Tinnitus, feeling of doom.

 

this too shall pass.

i usually feel good at around 3pm. just another 9 hours to go.

might try to go for a run now.

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xyz

Update:

things are still doing okay.

we went on vacation for a week. we spent a couple of days in a water park and drove to a wedding.

i was doing fine, did most of the slides with my kids. sleep was on and off and it resumed after we got back.

my sleep pattern now is 9 to 5 which is really good! dream is back to normal, not too crazy.

 

i am learning to float through emotions that come up.

just taking one day at a time.

i don't have the high and the low that i used to have when i was tapering lexapro.

i am sure they will come back.

still tapering the valium.

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