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xyz: Lexapro, my intro

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JackieDecides
3 hours ago, xyz said:

I am so tired of this withdrawal BS

 

I don't blame you! 

at least you recognize the guilt is due to withdrawal and can, I don't know, argue with it. rebuttal! 

3 hours ago, xyz said:

no cortisol surge for the last few days

 

that's good - from the description, those can be awful.  I think I had a minor version of them last summer - just a spike in anxiety that showed up early AM - but not nearly as bad as some people have it. 

 

one of the good things about posting here is when you do get that "back to square one" feeling you can look back and say, no, I really have made a lot of progress and here is written proof! 

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xyz
4 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I don't blame you! 

at least you recognize the guilt is due to withdrawal and can, I don't know, argue with it. rebuttal! 

 

that's good - from the description, those can be awful.  I think I had a minor version of them last summer - just a spike in anxiety that showed up early AM - but not nearly as bad as some people have it. 

 

one of the good things about posting here is when you do get that "back to square one" feeling you can look back and say, no, I really have made a lot of progress and here is written proof! 

 

OW, you are so lucky. cortisol surge was/is my worst symptoms.

although DP/DR can win the contest...

wait maybe brutal insomnia...

 

LOL, do you ever read yourself? i don't.

it is too painful. one day, i accidentally clicked on the first page of my thread and i even didn't recognized my writing.

 

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xyz

Update

4 weeks off valium and more than 4 months off lexapro.

I had a new symptom that I didn't have most through my taper : a migraine that lasted 3 days, head pressure around the eyes. Sides down to the back of my head. 

Again I had a thought that it could get worse, then it slowly got better. Still not out of the wood yet. 

Before withdrawal, I would just shrug my shoulders and wouldn't give it a second thought.  Now I am thinking "what if it gets worse ?" For symptoms that show up. I am also in peri and it night just be hormones. The migraine appeared when my periods were ending.

 

Good news is sleep is okay. I had 9 hours the night before and 6 last night. I forgot to take my melatonin last night. Maybe I should try to taper that as well . Otherwise things are okay.

Busy as always.

 

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JackieDecides

sorry to hear about the migraine but thank goodness you are sleeping. 

 

🤗

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xyz

Update:

5 weeks off valium. 4.5 months of lexapro. 

I think I can call myself at being healed at 80%. My main symptoms are unpredictable sleep. But my sleep pattern has been steadily improving. I haven't had a cortisol surge in the last couple of weeks. And I now wake up at 5 ish instead of 3am.

I had a day of flue like symptoms. Vision issue, cog fog, chills etc. The symptoms were so mild that I even didn't recognize them. But had a nice window in which I am still in.

My mood has been really good besides stress at work. I count my blessing. 

 

 

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JackieDecides

I'm so glad for you! 😍

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Frogie
3 hours ago, xyz said:

Update:

5 weeks off valium. 4.5 months of lexapro. 

I think I can call myself at being healed at 80%. My main symptoms are unpredictable sleep. But my sleep pattern has been steadily improving. I haven't had a cortisol surge in the last couple of weeks. And I now wake up at 5 ish instead of 3am.

I had a day of flue like symptoms. Vision issue, cog fog, chills etc. The symptoms were so mild that I even didn't recognize them. But had a nice window in which I am still in.

My mood has been really good besides stress at work. I count my blessing. 

 

 

 I’m so glad you are doing so well!

 

It’s nice to know I can get off this benzo.

 

Keep up the posts. They are inspiring 💜

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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xyz
On 9/22/2019 at 10:23 AM, Frogie said:

 I’m so glad you are doing so well!

 

It’s nice to know I can get off this benzo.

 

Keep up the posts. They are inspiring 💜

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

hi frogie,

yes it is totally possible to get off the benzo. it is not an easy ride but once you are of it, things gets easier and you would have learned some coping skills on how to deal with chemical anxiety and normal life anxiety will feel like a cake walk.

 

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xyz

update:

7 weeks off valium. 5 months off lexapro. i had some up and down. a 4 days wave, then things was really good, then another bad day and then i slept 10.5 hours last night.

today is good. i tend to write when i feel good and don;t want to write when i feel bad and prefer to distract.

i don't expect for things to get better at this point. i feel pretty well. my T is in the background most of the time and my sleep is 7 hours average, 5 on bad days.

my mood is good when my sleep is good. no secret there.

i feel old though, like i have aged 10 years in the last couple of years.

work is stressful too much to do, so i make mistakes, but overall my work has been fun. can't complain.

i wish i could cut down coffee, but i love it so much. with cream.

sometimes i even google some coffee image to feel good, lol. that is serious addiction here.

 

god, may i sleep very well on most days

may i feel strong, capable in my life and feel good in my body

may all beings feel this way

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Frogie
30 minutes ago, xyz said:

hi frogie,

yes it is totally possible to get off the benzo. it is not an easy ride but once you are of it, things gets easier and you would have learned some coping skills on how to deal with chemical anxiety and normal life anxiety will feel like a cake walk.

 

I’m glad to hear you are doing well.

 

I’m discouraged right now. I’ve tapered almost 1/4 and I feel like a truck has hit me. I feel so wobbly and shaky. But have to just push through it. Life doesn’t stop.

 

Good luck with your recovery and please keep us posted! It is wonderful news!

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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JackieDecides
On 10/5/2019 at 5:59 AM, xyz said:

i don't expect for things to get better at this point

 

I think that they will: I don't think you have been off long enough to be as healthy as it's possible to be, honestly I don't. I think you should expect to get better!! 

 

 

On 10/5/2019 at 5:59 AM, xyz said:

god, may i sleep very well on most days

may i feel strong, capable in my life and feel good in my body

may all beings feel this way

 amen! ❤️

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xyz
On 10/6/2019 at 6:41 PM, JackieDecides said:

 

I think that they will: I don't think you have been off long enough to be as healthy as it's possible to be, honestly I don't. I think you should expect to get better!! 

 

 

 amen! ❤️

i hope so Jackie!

 thank you for posting on my thread, i appreciate it!

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xyz

update:

8 weeks off Valium and 5 months off Lexapro.

i had a few days of feeling normal, hard to say what that means after 3 years of withdrawal.

but i would say that withdrawal wasn't in my mind anymore for these days. then a couple of days with few hours of vibrating, anxiety.

my sleep followed the same pattern. on average i sleep 7.5 hours most night. these 2 nights was a deeper sleep, no waking up in the middle of the night.

i went to the gym this week-end, I ran 2 miles and I lifted weight for an hour. and I felt really good after.

i need to motivate myself to work out daily. 

i had a moment of catastrophic thinking when i suddenly realized that i had 2 children who depended on me and my husband. then I calmed myself down.

i need to clean and organize my house more in depth, it usually helps me to have a sense of control.

my anxiety stems from my childhood for sure.

 

i need to cut down on my caffeine consumption.

this is how much i drink in a day:

  • 2 kcup at 4 am
  • 1 kcup at 9.30 am
  • 3 to 4 black teas throughout the day

despite this, I usually fall asleep at 8.30/9pm.

 

work was stressful last week, nothing hard, just really busy.

we went to see a movie last night with my husband and hired a babysitter. it is good to enjoy these simple pleasure.

we haven't been in a movie theater in the last 8 years.

 

we saw Ad Astra. it was a beautiful movie that addresses existential and personal questions.

i was surprised that i wasn't too emotional about it. it is good to feel level-headed.

 

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JackieDecides

I think caffeine is a Big Deal. I had coffee Friday, Saturday and Sunday then went back to green tea yesterday (some caffeine but less) and by afternoon I was very depressed. of course, I'm always looking for the magic answer of WHY I feel bad, when maybe it's random.

 

anyway, I feel your pain - cutting back is hard. but it's worthwhile in my opinion. I mean, it is for me for sure. 

 

I'm glad and proud of us that we can both do our jobs even though they can be stressful! ❤️

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