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Please help I have so much hate inside of me


Jayjohnny

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I'm almost certain it was drug induced and that the drug poisons played a role in this-sometimes I have a tremendous amount of hate in me and I'm not sure what to do about it. I use to view the world and my country in a fairly positive manner. Now, regarding in particular America, I have come to essentially hate it with a passion!!! Mind you, not everything about it but so much of it.

 

Everything is about race, gender, sexuality, age, etc. (you name it) It never ends as if America is still in the 50's or something!!! It is driving me INSANE and I'm not joking here. This is all I heard about for over a decade now!! It's one thing if someone or group says or does something racist sexist or homophobic but to constantly obsess about it is enough to make a sane person crazy!!I'm neither liberal or conservative and have come to hate both parties and what they stand for: either race/gender baiting "identity politics" liberals or greedy ultra wealthy capitalist silver spoons conservatives!! I have became extremely paranoid and most the time antisocial much of this due to the fact that I cannot seem to trust anyone!!! I really could use some advice thanks so much!

2005: Began switching from one ssri to the next. Very little tapering time was instructed by my psychiatrist. Tried just about every drug on the market. Some two or three times. Nothing reallly helped my moderate depression and anxiety. They only made things worse most of the time!!

2014: Began experiencing severe symptoms while still taking Zoloft, oddly enough. Was forced to quit drugs altogether.

2017: A new year begins having experienced substantial improvement. Still not sure if my symptoms were severe protracted withdrawal or a severe reaction to a med, or possibly a combination of each.

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I take back most of what I wrote as I do not hate America. It is simply that if we could come together as a nation instead of being so divided at times!! Uniting instead of dividing.

2005: Began switching from one ssri to the next. Very little tapering time was instructed by my psychiatrist. Tried just about every drug on the market. Some two or three times. Nothing reallly helped my moderate depression and anxiety. They only made things worse most of the time!!

2014: Began experiencing severe symptoms while still taking Zoloft, oddly enough. Was forced to quit drugs altogether.

2017: A new year begins having experienced substantial improvement. Still not sure if my symptoms were severe protracted withdrawal or a severe reaction to a med, or possibly a combination of each.

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It's very understandable and I can relate. I completely avoid social media and the news as it's 90% negative and not trustworthy to me, especially the major US networks. Since WD I have found myself getting extra mad at the current issues when I pay attention. I also hate both parties and think they are more like organized Gangs. This whole system is rigged for the Elite. After an experience like what we have gone through with the black hole of health care I couldn't trust anyone in Power again no Matter what. My best advice and what's worked for me is to do your best although hard to avoid the topics all together. Focus on how good you feel now and alternative things. Because the more your eyes are open the more you begin to see how much is wrong with the world. A small % is good and means well and that's what we have to focus on.

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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And Beleive me easier said than done it's so hard to avoid because it's everywhere!

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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It's very understandable and I can relate. I completely avoid social media and the news as it's 90% negative and not trustworthy to me, especially the major US networks. Since WD I have found myself getting extra mad at the current issues when I pay attention. I also hate both parties and think they are more like organized Gangs. This whole system is rigged for the Elite. After an experience like what we have gone through with the black hole of health care I couldn't trust anyone in Power again no Matter what. My best advice and what's worked for me is to do your best although hard to avoid the topics all together. Focus on how good you feel now and alternative things. Because the more your eyes are open the more you begin to see how much is wrong with the world. A small % is good and means well and that's what we have to focus on.

Thanks so much for the advice Mort, really appreciate it!! I'm going to follow your lead and make it my New Years resolution to just about avoid all media entirely-especially internet news sites, political channels, and newspapers. A few months ago I traveled to Minnesota to visit a friend and stayed for about 3 weeks. And each morning I would read the major newspaper there in Minneapolis.

 

I kid you not about 60-75% of it was always focused on something about race gender sexuality etc. in the most important sections of the paper. And rarely was it about someone saying or doing something racist sexist or homophobic. Rarely! Nor rarely about any proven case of discrimination! It just makes you believe that the elites in America are doing all this on purpose simply to divide poeple or make them go crazy so that all the money and power keeps staying in the top 1%. Also that liberal news outlets have nothing better to focus on these days. And again I'm not even remotely conservative saying all this.

2005: Began switching from one ssri to the next. Very little tapering time was instructed by my psychiatrist. Tried just about every drug on the market. Some two or three times. Nothing reallly helped my moderate depression and anxiety. They only made things worse most of the time!!

2014: Began experiencing severe symptoms while still taking Zoloft, oddly enough. Was forced to quit drugs altogether.

2017: A new year begins having experienced substantial improvement. Still not sure if my symptoms were severe protracted withdrawal or a severe reaction to a med, or possibly a combination of each.

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I've had just about enough of it and would move out of the country in a heartbeat. But like you said there's good and bad people everywhere but the problem is with all of the divisions it makes you wonder who the hell you can possibly trust these days. Thankfully we have supportive message boards such as this one!!

2005: Began switching from one ssri to the next. Very little tapering time was instructed by my psychiatrist. Tried just about every drug on the market. Some two or three times. Nothing reallly helped my moderate depression and anxiety. They only made things worse most of the time!!

2014: Began experiencing severe symptoms while still taking Zoloft, oddly enough. Was forced to quit drugs altogether.

2017: A new year begins having experienced substantial improvement. Still not sure if my symptoms were severe protracted withdrawal or a severe reaction to a med, or possibly a combination of each.

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Ya i don't doubt that for a second! It's like a race war is being pushed . Its tough to live in a bubble but I've found it's best for me. Too much anger like you said. Np it's a tough thing to avoid it takes alot of effort. But it can be done . Than maybe in the future you and I won't be as fired up about world politics as we are now and it will easier to expose oursleves to the nonsense.

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

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Ya i don't doubt that for a second! It's like a race war is being pushed . Its tough to live in a bubble but I've found it's best for me. Too much anger like you said. Np it's a tough thing to avoid it takes alot of effort. But it can be done . Than maybe in the future you and I won't be as fired up about world politics as we are now and it will easier to expose oursleves to the nonsense.

I like your wise outlook and mindset Mort!! You've got a good head on your shoulders. This will most definitely help you beat your withdrawal symptoms and fully recover from the trauma of protracted withdrawal!!

2005: Began switching from one ssri to the next. Very little tapering time was instructed by my psychiatrist. Tried just about every drug on the market. Some two or three times. Nothing reallly helped my moderate depression and anxiety. They only made things worse most of the time!!

2014: Began experiencing severe symptoms while still taking Zoloft, oddly enough. Was forced to quit drugs altogether.

2017: A new year begins having experienced substantial improvement. Still not sure if my symptoms were severe protracted withdrawal or a severe reaction to a med, or possibly a combination of each.

Link to comment

I've never met you but from what I can tell if anyone deserves a full recover as soon as possible it's you man.

2005: Began switching from one ssri to the next. Very little tapering time was instructed by my psychiatrist. Tried just about every drug on the market. Some two or three times. Nothing reallly helped my moderate depression and anxiety. They only made things worse most of the time!!

2014: Began experiencing severe symptoms while still taking Zoloft, oddly enough. Was forced to quit drugs altogether.

2017: A new year begins having experienced substantial improvement. Still not sure if my symptoms were severe protracted withdrawal or a severe reaction to a med, or possibly a combination of each.

Link to comment

Thanks buddy really appreciate it :)

Was on 30mg (Lexapro) for 7-8yrs20mg for 3 months (This was my choice my Doc wanted me to drop much faster)15 mg 2week10mg 2 weeks 5 mg 1 week0 since August 24th . PPI Dexlant  30 mg taper has begun. Cutting 20% currently.  using zantac as needed.  Benzo is currently 0.10mg 

Link to comment

You're welcome!

2005: Began switching from one ssri to the next. Very little tapering time was instructed by my psychiatrist. Tried just about every drug on the market. Some two or three times. Nothing reallly helped my moderate depression and anxiety. They only made things worse most of the time!!

2014: Began experiencing severe symptoms while still taking Zoloft, oddly enough. Was forced to quit drugs altogether.

2017: A new year begins having experienced substantial improvement. Still not sure if my symptoms were severe protracted withdrawal or a severe reaction to a med, or possibly a combination of each.

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  • 2 years later...
On 1/19/2017 at 9:49 PM, Jayjohnny said:

It just makes you believe that the elites in America are doing all this on purpose simply to divide poeple or make them go crazy so that all the money and power keeps staying in the top 1%

I’m 99% sure this is true. When 9/11 happened, prozac and the major antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs sold much more. My logic says that the elite found a formula to sell more, they said “put false negative news on the media so people get worried so they buy more anti-anxiety drugs”

btw avaaz.org has sent me things about the fact that there’s people that put many false news in order to divide society. 

I also suffer from very deep hate to big pharma because of all the heel I’ve been through because of their drugs. As today I’ve lost 5 entire years of my life because of psychiatric drugs and I’m guessing 3 more years for coming off them. I need a therapeutic way to express and get all this huge anger out of my body. I think it is not healthy to live with such anger.

If you know of a therapeutic way, please let me know. Thank you

What help a lot for your anger is to be with your real friends, talk to them, express with them all the hate you have, you know with the ones you can really trust. It has helped me A LOT. It is one of the best medicines. And spend time with them as much as you can.

Makes me feel good to read you and to know that there’s more people like me that have lots of hate to big pharma and to the elite. Also I can’t trust anyone and I’m tired that of all the negativity of the world is because of greed. Feels good to think that I’m not alone.

Wish you the best recovery

Nov/30/17 started quetiapine IR tablets 100mg 0-0-1. Dec/1/17 started pristiq (desvenlafaxine) 50mg tablets 1-0-0. Jan/14/18 started with 1.5mg melatonin 0-0-1

Tramadol: 2 year well done (slow and gradual) taper: from Mar/12/18 to Feb/11/20 

Pristiq taper: Jun/15/20 Converted from pristiq 50mg to efexor xr 75mg for 57 days (felt very good).  Aug/11/20 weaned to efexor 37.5mg and stayed there for 2 months with 26 days (felt very good). Nov/6/20  CT 0mg of efexor xr (felt very good).

Total time in tapering pristiq 50mg by converting to efexor xr 75mg: 4 months with 22 days: Jun/15/20 to Nov/6/20. (felt very good)

35 days  in efexor 0mg and in quetiapine 100mg (Nov/6/20 to Dic/11/20) to start tapering quetiapine (felt very good being without effexor and taking 100mg quetiapine)

Dic/11/20 weaned quetiapine from 100mg to 75mg, so 75mg from Dic/11/20 to Jan/4/21  25 days

Jan/5/21 weaned from 75mg to 50mg (1 day in 50mg). Jan/6/21 1st CT of quetiapine from 50mg to 0mg 

Between Jan/6/21 to Mar/24/21 tried different herbs. Feb/16/21 CT melatonin 1.5mg. Feb/22/21 Reinstated melatonin. Mar/1/21 CT melatonin. Mar/25/21 reinstated 100mg quetiapine. 

100mg quetiapine 19 days (Mar/25/21 - Apr/13/21) Felt very good while in quetiapine 100mg. 75mg quetiapine 55 days (Apr/14/21 - Jun/8/21) the only day that I felt bad while in 75mg was the 55th day (Jun/8/21) in which just for a few minutes felt hellish anxiety so I CT'd quetiapine for a 2nd time on Jun/9/21.

Jun/9/21 - Aug/8/21 tested 2 different cbd's and dosages. Aug/9/21 discovered the cbd and it's dosage that made me feel and sleep good. Aug/16/21 Felt very good (7th day of taking same cbd and same dosage). Aug/26/21 Felt even better (17th day of same cbd & dosage). Sep/9/21 Felt even better (31st day of same cbd & dosage). Sep/12-15/21 stopped taking ginkgo because it blocks cbd's antiepileptic effect and to let cbd heal back spasm which I've had it since many years ago but CT'ing quetiapine made back spasm pain worse (made me feel horrible not taking ginkgo). Sep/16/21 reinstated ginkgo. Had to wait for my body to stabilize and because of feeling very bad and impatient, I didn't wait for my body to stabilize so I started taking kalanchoe (herb for panic disorder and muscle relaxant) on Sep/19/21 and felt very good since the 1st day of taking it. I was feeling very good with cbd and kalanchoe. The only thing that was bothering me was the back spasm and because of being intolerable, I tried other herbs, changed kalanchoe's dosage and tried detox herbs (all of these changes made me feel horrible). Stopped taking the spasm and detox herbs and because of feeling horrible, reinstated quetiapine 75mg Nov/17/21, immediately after taking it, I had severe heart palpitations, so Nov/18/21 back to kalanchoe (herb) and cbd and no quetiapine. Kept feeling bad so Nov/20/21 reinstated 75mg quetiapine and stopped cbd & kalanchoe, Nov/20/21 or Nov/21/21 couldn't breathe for 5 seconds after taking quetiapine so Nov/23/21 started quetiapine 50mg. Nov/27/21 Felt hellish so at PM took a herb & cbd, didn't made me fall asleep so then reinstated 50mg quetiapine @6:45am of Nov/28/21 and REINSTATED/STARTED QUETIAPINE 50 MG @10 PM ON NOV/28/21. (STOPPED HERBS AND CBD). 

 

 

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