☼ Sheera: Lamictal and Brintellix

[Rosetta]

On 2/3/2021 at 4:33 AM, Sheera said:

I’m assuming this is a WD symptom but I’m not sure where to find any information on it. I have a VERY tense jaw and cheek area. And my forehead has the worst headache. I feel like it’s being squeezed. I try to do relaxation for my face but I can’t get it to relax. Is there any info on what this could be?  I’ve had it before and it does dissipate but I’m curious about what it is?  And maybe someone who’s dealt with it has some techniques for dealing with it. 

 

Thanks for any help—❤️

 

Sheera

I have had this for a long time.  It will resolve.  
Has anything changed recently?  Have you had any medical interventions?  
 

I find that using heat helps a lot - a microwaveable heat pack.  This is muscle tension.  You should get your eyes checked, think about how you hold your head when working or using a computer, how you sit, etc.  Stretching helps, too -  the neck, back and chest muscles.  You might need to use some weights to restore strength to you back and chest muscles.
 

Good luck

[Sheera]

@RosettaI have had some relief from it the last week. I imagine it’s probably related to wearing a mask all day too. I think I tense up to hold the mask in place. I’ve had it before but never this intensely. Thank you for your suggestions. ❤️

[ChessieCat]

Here are some ideas:

 

Have you tried tying a knot in the elastic or crossing it over before putting it on?

 

You can also buy silicone adjusters:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0a_6lS0znM

 

How to tie the elastic (this goes straight to the right spot):  https://youtu.be/2TTg53aAP8Q

 

11 Surgical Mask Hacks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6AtRbph2Lw&t=525s

[Rosetta]

Hi, Sheera!  Just checking on you! 🦋

[Sheera]

Hello all—I have just passed my 4 1/2 year mark and I wanted to share how far I’ve come. I’m not ready to write my success story yet—I just came out of a wave bug so much has improved in the last year that I wanted to share. 
 

1.  Last year at this time my neuroemotions were through the roof. I had to ask my husband constantly if my response to circumstances was overboard or rational. I have always been a rational person so having to decide this has been quite a trip. The most difficult part about the emotions was that I could feel them in my body and my head. And when something would happen my brains would be 100% involved and unable to detach. I can report that I am quite capable these days of taking a step back and making rational decisions based on stress etc. I had a coworker last week treat me like complete poop and I talked to my boss and he said just to forget it and I was able. This is much progress for me!!

 

2.  I have had two recent health issues. In the middle of March I developed a tonsillary abscess and had to have surgery. It came back and I had to have surgery again. The whole time I was in the pain of this I was able to make rational decisions. A few weeks ago my mammogram came back and it looked weird. So I had a follow up and then had to have a biopsy. It was scary but all in all I handled it like a person not in WD. 

 

3.  One symptom that is still present in all my waves is anhedonia. I’m currently in a window and boy I can just tell a difference. I have motivation and an interest in doing things. I’m not going through the motions.  I have had this anhedonia at a constant pace for quite some time so the fact that I’m now getting windows from it is glorious. I thought I’d always be plodding along with no interest forevermore and that is not the case. 
 

4.  The tightness in my jaw and face has subsided quite a bit since my last post on here so it must’ve been a WD symptom. The headaches with that were excrutiating so I am thankful they are better. 
 

5. My sleep continues to improve—not all the way better but in small steps. When I’m in a window the sleep I get is substantially better so I know there’s hope!

 

6. Overall my ability to manage life’s stresses is so much better.
 

It seems like I’ve been at this for so long but it has been so worth it. I’m finally getting to a place where my old self is back. I’m just waiting for it to be constant instead of still ups and downs. Hang in there fellow warriors. You’ve got this. ❤️
 

Sheera  

[Hanna72]

@Sheera

Wow what a wonderful read, thank you for coming here and sharing. It’s these stories that keep me hanging on.

So happy for you, keep on thriving and enjoy this beautiful drug free life🙏

[Rosetta]

I’m so happy for you, Sheera!

[Sheera]

So something I’ve noticed in my waves which is hard. My windows have been pretty great lately—I feel almost 100% like myself. And then a wave hits and I’m like 👀 who am I?  Am I this person who feels this cloud of sadness and anxiety swirling around my head or am I the person in the window?  Obviously I’m the person in the window but I can never see her when I’m in the wave. No matter how minor the wave is or how little time it lasts.
 

Right now I am on summer break. I have minimal stress—especially compared to the school year with Covid. My children are mostly self-sufficient so I don’t have a lot of responsibilities. I could read a book or draw—things I usually enjoy. Yet I feel unsettled and restless. I also lack any motivation. So I feel like I should do something but then can’t make myself do it. This is a consistent symptom for me and very annoying.  Also, when I do something, I am not having positive feeling around it so it doesn’t motivate me to do more.  I have not found a way to cope with this very well. I think it bothers me so much because I have always tried to live my life to enjoy every moment. Withdrawal steals that ability to feel the joy. 

 

Besides it being summer, I am healthy. My blood pressure is finally back to normal after WD. We are financially stable. I want to be at peace with my life and thankful but it’s not within my reach right now. There seems to be few people who have symptoms for this long @Rosetta so there are times when I do wonder if maybe this is my own problem?  But that is a hopeless thought so I just let it float away. 
 

Keep on Warriors—

Sheera

[Rosetta]

I hope you can get a lot of rest this Summer.  Just take it easy.  Don’t try to do anything big.  Maybe you can heal a lot this Summer, and you will be in better shape in the Fall.  Yep, you and I have had a long recovery so far.  It’s too bad.  I still wish the people who hid this epidemic of iatrogenic harm could be punished somehow, but it’s unlikely, except via karma, and if it happens, it will happen to people who were not the most at fault.  So, I might as well let it go.  I’m grateful this is something that can heal!

[Sheera]

@RosettaIm not trying to do anything big this summer but everything seems like a chore so everything seems big even when it’s not. I haven’t been sleeping well again and my motivation is very low. Disappointing as I had high hopes for this summer to be more normal.  Oh well, at least I can feel this way and not have to go to work for awhile. A window will come eventually, right?  ❤️

[Sheera]

This wave is bringing back some symptoms I haven’t seen in awhile. Stomach pain, headaches and facial tension, high anxiety, anhedonia, depression, neuroemotions. I haven’t had them all at once like this for quite a long time. I’m not coping very well. I’m waking in the morning with the doom cloud. I’m living in two realities—one real and one in my head. It’s exhausting. I’m going through the motions of life instead of living it. I am trying to find a therapist but am on a waiting list. I’ve been doing a lot of waiting the last few years. I want to be uplifting but don’t have the energy. 
 

keep on warriors. ❤️

[Rosetta]

(((Sheera))). Yes, the waiting is hard.  I hope you feel better soon.  It’s exhausting.  Maybe an Epsom salt bath before bed?  I take my iPad in the bathroom and watch Netflix in while I’m the bath.

[Sheera]

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted and overall I’ve been well. I can look back on the last year and have seen improvements, but I’m coming up on 5 years after my cold turkey and was hoping I’d write my success story by now. I still often feel like I’m wavering between my WD self and normal self. It’s a less consistent wavering but still enough to think that I’m not out of it yet. A lot has happened in the 5 years since I cold turkeyed so it’s hard to know what is WD related and what is just life.
 

What I do know— when I feel well my reaction to life is a calmer more outside view of what is happening to me. When I don’t feel well, I feel like a tornado is going on around me and in my body. I don’t make good decisions and my emotions are elevated to a point where I often say/do things I regret. It’s like I’m in middle school again. I’ve made a lot of apologies in the last 6 months. I’ve always been outspoken but before withdrawal I had refined my delivery to be more gentle.  That goes out the window when I don’t feel well and then I feel an ENORMOUS amount of guilt for what I’ve done. And of course I can apologize, but people don’t forget how you made them feel. 
 

I’m also curious if people think the length of Covid has impacted their recovery. I’m a teacher so I’ve dealt with all the things during this time and I’m tired of it. Is it possible some of my unwellness is because of the stress of that?  I’m not sure. 

 

The positive is that I know I’m slowly improving. It’s just going to take more time for me. 
 

Keep on, Warriors. 
 

Sheera

[Dejavu]

3 hours ago, Sheera said:

I’m also curious if people think the length of Covid has impacted their recovery.

Hi, Sheera. I know it has impacted mine. The uncertainty and anxiety around the pandemic has created a sense of general unease that simmers in my subconscious all the time. Covid and withdrawal at the same time... sometimes just thinking about how far away I am from living a "normal" life overwhelms me. This has delayed stabilization for me for sure.

 

I'm sure that as a teacher you've experienced all these feelings and more. Such a tough job to do in the best of times, not to mention now. Thank you for all you do - and all you risk - for the future of humanity. 

[Sheera]

@Dejavu yes—that simmering is always there. I have to think I would be feeling better if not for that constant anxiety.  Thank you for stopping by. ❤️

[Rosetta]

On 9/26/2021 at 7:10 PM, Sheera said:

When I don’t feel well, I feel like a tornado is going on around me and in my body. I don’t make good decisions and my emotions are elevated to a point where I often say/do things I regret. It’s like I’m in middle school again. I’ve made a lot of apologies in the last 6 months. I’ve always been outspoken but before withdrawal I had refined my delivery to be more gentle.  That goes out the window when I don’t feel well and then I feel an ENORMOUS amount of guilt for what I’ve done.

Ditto.  It’s been very difficult to react the way I know I would have before.  It is getting better.  I’m so glad you are having days when you can react the way you want to.  I came to a point when I could wait to react even if I felt bad.  I had all the emotions, but I could remove myself from the situation.  That’s hard to do with family or a job, and only other situations were those in which this tactic worked. Feeling like we are in middle school indeed!

 

Hang in there, Sheera.  You are going to be ok!

 

Rosetta

[Sheera]

@Rosetta ❤️ I will get through this. Just like i always have and after this wave my baseline will be a little better. I’m

so thankful there’s people like you who continue to give me support and hope. I’m hoping you’re seeing/feeling the sunshine ☀️
 

Sheera

[Rosetta]

Hi, Sheera.  Just thinking of you.  Hope all is well. -Rosetta

[Sheera]

Question—I just passed the 5 year mark of cold turkey and have made tremendous progress. But, I’m noticing this phase right now where I am up and down very frequently. Has anyone else noticed this on their recovery journey?  One moment, I seem like myself and then the next moment I’m dropping back down again?  Maybe this happened before and it didn’t feel as weird because it was a constant “not normal” phase.  Or there were so many symptoms and now it’s just one that shows up so I can really put my finger on what doesn’t feel normal?  
 

Keep fighting—

 

❤️Sheera❤️

[Sheera]

Hello all—it’s been awhile. I had started thinking about writing my success story a few weeks ago. I was in my best window yet after 5 1/2 years of withdrawal and it lasted 6 weeks. I felt SO WELL. I was even going through a stressful time and was able to manage it well. Then about two weeks ago I started with the emotional spiral and the anxiety has just taken off. Every tiny pain I have is cancer or a heart attack.  It really sounds silly as I write it but in the middle of it I’m pretty sure death is around the corner. It would make sense that after 5 1/2 years I would be able to cope, but it seems to be harder for me to cope when I go from one extreme to another.  The extremes were not as great, but I guess I could be thankful for that. Those 6 weeks I just had give me a little hope that they could be extended. Maybe the next one will be longer?  I had had a 4 week window between a 3-4 week wave so if I’m moving in that direction, it is another sign I can eventually fully heal.  
 

I went to my annual physical today and explained my physical concerns—that I’m sure is WD but I don’t feel safe saying that to my Dr—and she immediately went to offering antidepressants and once she heard all the meds I had been on she wanted me to try some “new wave therapy.”  When I said I just want confirmation I’m not ill, she offered me anti-anxiety pills and I politely refused. I’m amazed at how quickly it jumps to medication when I have never even mentioned anxiety to her before. 
 

Besides my husband and best friend, this is the only safe place for me to share my experience. And you are the only ones who understand. I am healing because of the HOPE Surviving AD’s offers. And even though my journey has been long and it’s not over, maybe it will inspire someone else to keep hoping and believing that you will heal. 
 

My improvements:

neuroemotions—finally almost normal

sleep—finally almost normal 

chest pain—normal 

suicidal thoughts—mostly gone 

akathisia—almost normal 

anxiety—almost normal

blood pressure—normal

focus—almost normal 

anhedonia—almost normal

creativity—almost normal 

motivation—almost normal 

facial tension—almost normal 

 

All of these symptoms were at one time a constant thing and now they mostly present themselves one at a time and for short bursts. What progress my brain had made. ❤️
 

Take care warriors—

Sheera

[wantrelief]

39 minutes ago, Sheera said:

I was in my best window yet after 5 1/2 years of withdrawal and it lasted 6 weeks. I felt SO WELL. I was even going through a stressful time and was able to manage it well.

Thank you for sharing your progress - so much improvement!  That window that you had sounds wonderful.  It is particularly helpful to hear that it happened even though you were going through a stressful time....this brings me a lot of hope.  I am so sorry the window closed and understand what you mean about it being really hard to cope with the extremes. Hang in there, Sheera.....that forever window is coming!

 

[Sheera]

@wantreliefmy ability to manage stressors has definitely gotten better. In the midst of it all it’s really hard to believe that the window will come back but it always does. It will for you, too. Hang in there—your brain is healing. ❤️
 

Sheera

[Ariel]

@Sheera

Just want to say thank you for your recent update, and well done on how far you've come.

I'm happy for you that you're experiencing so many improvements. And I feel for you about the late-breaking waves, they can be so disheartening and challenging in a whole different way. 

You seem so wise with a healthy mindset, it's very inspiring to read. 

Thanks again, and wishing you many good things to come.

A.

[Carmie]

How wonderful you’ve had so much improvement Sheera, 

 

I’m sorry that the six week window you had shut again, though it does really show that your brain is on its way to healing. You now know what it feels like to be in a long window. 
 

Hope that window opens for you again soon🧡

[Ariel]

@Sheera

Thank you for your sweet messages and kind thoughts in my thread. Your support means more than I can say.

How are you going, dear fellow PAWS-er? Still waving?

I'm feeling quasi-superstitious about speaking too soon, but am feeling some relief today on and off. Neuro-fingers-crossed against the neuro-jinxies, haha!  

Wishing you moments of peace, healing is happening <3

[Sheera]

@Ariel I am currently in my withdrawal normal which I will take any day over the wave I was experiencing last week. I was just reflecting on how much I’ve done this morning already. A few years ago I would still be lying in bed wishing for the strength. I have come a long way.  ❤️
 

I will keep my fingers crossed 🤞🏼for you that your wave may be dissipating a bit. Enjoy the peace and the freedom. And the hope in knowing that it’s true—the waves do pass. ❤️ You are healing!!

[Ariel]

Hi @Sheera

Thinking of you <3

[Ariel]

@Sheera

Thank you so much for your kind, encouraging message in my thread.

Your support is greatly appreciated and has really helped me today. 

Peace and healing <3

[Sheera]

@Arielit’s times such as these that we need others more than ever. I’m glad I could be of some support. ❤️

[Sheera]

Hey all—I need a little confirmation that what I’m experiencing is still withdrawal. I’m having some new symptoms and this is 5 and a half years out from cold turkey.  I had a great window and now I feel like this wave is never going to end. And maybe I did have these symptoms but now a lot of other ones have disappeared or they all aren’t appearing at once so now I’m actually noticing them.  My anxiety is really really high, my sleep is poor, my health anxiety is the worst—every little pain is a death sentence. My stamina for focus is minimal and my creativity is poor.  I guess one of my biggest concerns is that I’ve got this tingling on my left side. And so I’m pretty sure I have a brain tumor or something else wrong with my brain that I need to get checked out by a doctor. 
I thought my waves were getting shorter and my windows were longer but this is a longer window than I’ve had in a long time. Just some reassurance would be nice. I’m not even sure what I would do if it’s not normal 😂 but you know what it’s like in a wave.  It doesn’t feel great. 
 

thanks all—

 

Sheera

[Rosetta]

Hi, Sheera,

 

Yes, it is very likely a wave, and when it is over you will know it was.  I can’t tell you how many times in the past year or so I felt bad or I had odd symptoms, and I thought, “Oh, no, what if I have cancer? Or Parkinson’s? Or some rare disease, and I don’t catch it early?”
 

I have a fibroid that hurts occasionally.  It’s a sharp pain that pulses.  At times, I have congestion for about 18 hours, and then it disappears.  I wake in the night with a cortisol spike, and I start to fret just as intensely as I did years ago.  When I wake in the morning, it feels like it was a nightmare.  Sometimes, my hands start to shake like they did during akathisia.  Other people notice.  I think that all these things happen when my body produces the hormones that cause menstruation.  I have always felt the menses triggered some waves.

 

Once they wave is over, I can’t quite understand why I didn’t recognize it as a wave.  It seems so obvious when the symptom disappears mysteriously that I have been in a wave, but until then, my mind is somehow hi-jacked by anxiety that prevents me from seeing reality.  I think it may be because the symptoms are milder or different from those that were signature symptoms of hard-core PAWS for me in the past PLUS the fact that my mind is affected — I’m overwhelmed with some haywire neurotransmitters that affect my perception and increase anxiety.  
 

The fact that a wave might last for weeks is a problem.  With PMS, we know when it should end, right?  If we have odd problems after that time, we might see a doctor. But, with PAWS, we don’t know when to worry and when to think that it’s just WD.

 

Rosetta

[Ariel]

@Sheera

Rosetta has said it all, and so eloquently. 

Waves are the worst, especially how they try to convince us they're in charge as harbingers of our new world order. 

It feels so real when we're in it but we mustn't believe the hype! 

It's good that you logged on to post and reach out for support. Score one for Sheera and zero for the wave. 

You're winning!

Hang in there, braveheart. You got this. 

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

A.

[Mirtazapine20mg]

On 7/22/2022 at 7:37 PM, Sheera said:

My anxiety is really really high, my sleep is poor, my health anxiety is the worst—every little pain is a death sentence. My stamina for focus is minimal and my creativity is poor.

It sounds exactly as my waves (fellow Brintellix-buddy). I still get them, and I am two years out from a CT. Tingling in arms and legs are one of the withdrawal symptoms that is even recognized by the medical establishment. I also get these health scares in waves. For what it is worth: It sounds precisely as a wave to me. But, I am not an experienced mod or a doctor, just a fellow We-Hate-Brintellix-friend. 

[Sheera]

@Rosetta @Ariel @Mirtazapine20mg

 

Thank you all so much for the reassuring words. Knowing that you all have experienced the same wave fear is just what I needed in the midst of the anxiety. @Rosettayou hit the nail on the head—I am so fearful of not diagnosing something early and thinking it is withdrawal.  @Arielbelieving the hype—fighting this every second during a wave. @Mirtazapine20mg I had no idea about the medical community acknowledging that the tingling was a withdrawal symptom. Knowledge is power and I feel better being able to attribute that symptom to a “real thing.”  
 

I hope no one is believing the hype today and that it’s a beautiful Sunday for you—

Sheera

[Rosetta]

(((Sheera)))

[Ariel]

Thinking of you @Sheera

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3