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Sheera

Sheera: Should have listened to my husband

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Sheera

Hey All!!  I’m so glad I found this site although it may be a little late.  I fear I tapered too quickly on Brintellix and here I am experiencing withdrawal.

 

To give you a little history, I started antidepressants in October 2016 after a very stressful job left me in a bad place.  At that time, I should have listened to my husband who told me that if I quit my job, all would return to normal.  Instead, I felt the only way to heal myself was to start antidepressants.  I did quit my job at the same time and expected to be “healed” with my antidepressants.  Unfortunately, I bounced from Lexapro to Pristiq and finally to Brintellix in November of 2015 along with Lamictal to stabilize my mood.  Looking back, I’m not sure any of those drugs actually worked…I may have been going through withdrawal every time I stopped taking one.  Instead of getting better with the new antidepressant I think maybe I was just getting over the withdrawal of another???

 

Needless to say, I very quickly got off the Lamictal in June 2016 (went from 100-50-0 in a 3 week period).  I went through withdrawal from that (about 3 months before it was over completely) and started feeling more like myself.  My intent was never to stay on AD forever so at the end of October, I was feeling well.  I had worked through my issues with my therapist, was good at my job, and genuinely happy.  However, I was still acutely aware that I still wasn’t myself.  I could not feel PURE JOY.  I was pretty numb.  So my doc told me to taper on my Brintellix, go down to 5mg (from 10) for two weeks and then stop completely.  My last day of Brintellix was November 10th.  Within a week I was actually feeling more like myself than I had in years!!  I was laughing with my kids and at random things on TV.  I was back.  About the beginning of December was when the symptoms began.  I felt more FRUSTRATION than I ever had, so much madness.  I felt like a toddler trying to figure out how to manage my emotions again.  I worried that the depression was returning because I didn’t have my Brintellix.  But it didn’t make any sense.  My life had not changed.  I was feeling joy—more joy than I had---but I was also experiencing these random thoughts that would not get out of my head.  It felt like I had two lives going on at times.  The one in my head and the one outside my head. 

 

Current Symptoms:

 

Irrational Fears

Unable to be fully present

Sleep—my mind won’t STOP

Erratic Menstrual Cycle that make symptoms of anxiety even worse

Physical Anxiety

 

Improvements since discontinuing:

Joy

Intimacy with my husband

Pockets of being myself again

 

Thank you for any advice or encouragement you have related to my symptoms.  To all of you who have been doing this, you are amazing!

Edited by scallywag
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scallywag

Sheera -- Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

It's unfortunate that your doctor wasn't/isn't more informed about how to safely discontinue SSRI and other psychoactive medications. It's great that you've noticed some improvements since you've been off Brintellix and I'm sorry that you've also been having withdrawal symptoms.

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Thanks for posting a clear history in your signature. Would you please add the start date of November 2015 for both Brintellix and Lamictal so that we've got the full picture?

 

You've rapidly discontinued 2 medications in the last year after having taken one for 6 months and the other for 12 months. These medications affect the entire CNS (central nervous system) not just the brain. The CNS is tightly connected to the endocrine system (pituituary, thyroid, adrenals, ovaries/testes) so having menstrual symptoms is not unusual. Here are some links relevant to the symptoms you've listed that may have coping ideas:

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms.

Tips to help sleep.

PMS and menstrual cycle issues during withdrawal

 

If you've browsed the site for any time, you may have discovered that we suggest tapering no more than 10% per month -- much slower than your doctor-advised "just rip it off" taper. You can read about that in this discussion topic:

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?.

 

Topics about your former medications, if you're interested:

Member discussion about tapering brintellix.

Tips for tapering off Lamictal (lamotrigine).

 

I hope you'll find the information in the SA forums helpful for your situation. I'm sorry that you are in the position that you need the information, but am glad that you found us.

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Sheera

I am wavering between reinstating my Brintellix.  I went from 10 mg to 5mg on Oct. 20 and then dropped to 0 on November 10th.  That's over two months completely off Brintellix.  Will it work to reinstate at this point or do I just have to tough it out?  If I do reinstate, how much should I begin with?  I am currently having so many mood swings and anxiety.  I am having a LOT of trouble sleeping.  I am very sensitive during my menstrual cycle.  I had started having amazing windows and then I got PMS and I crashed.  My cycle was even shorter than normal at 22 days so it seems like I get better and then it all crashes down when I get my period.   

 

Thank you so much for your support and any help.  I want to be myself again!!

Edited by scallywag
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KarenB

Hello Sheera and welcome to SA,

 

That was a relatively quick way to reduce Brintilix, and would explain the withdrawal symptoms you are still having waves of.  And when we consider that your Central Nervous System was probably still unsettled by a fast discontinuation of Lamictal, it makes even more sense.  Please be reassured you are not alone in finding yourself in this situation.  

 

To give you an idea of a gentle reduction pace, we recommend reducing by no more than 10% of your current dose each month.  This allows a person's brain time to adjust and lessens any withdrawal.  

 

Reinstatement is worth considering, even at over two months out, although it does work best sooner rather than later.  You will probably find it helpful to read through the discussion here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/  If you decided to reinstate, it would be of a very small amount and once you were stable again you could taper off according to our 10% monthly guide.

 

Meanwhile, you might like to consider taking Fish oil and Magnesium as many people find them useful during withdrawal.   

 

Keep it Simple; Keep it Slow; Keep it Stable

 

Have a read of those and then you can come back to this thread to discuss things further.  This can be your journal to record your tapering and healing progress, and to ask questions. 

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

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Sheera

Thank you for responding Karen B.  I finally had a good night's sleep last night which was one serious factor in my reinstatement.  I have a fulltime job and two young kids and I need some rest.  The last time I went through my cycle, I improved dramatically over that 2 and a half week cycle before my cycle started again.  I'm hoping since I slept last night, that my hormones have balanced a little and I will start to see that improvement again.  I am thankful for this sight and especially the waves and windows explanation.  For the life of me, I could not figure out why one day I was great and the next was a struggle.  I blamed my inability to cope.  I realize that patience is the key, but even in knowing all that information I find it sometimes a struggle.  

 

Thank you for the magnesium and fish oil recommendation.  I am seeing a holistic dr and she had prescribed me 5HTP which I was taking every 4 hours.  Then I read on here that is not a recommendation.  I am now leery of any recommendations which causes me extra anxiety.  

 

I take the bioidentical hormone progesterone according to her recommendation.  I'm wondering if I even need that, if it's hindering and wondering if I'm patient maybe my hormones would balance themselves out on their own.  

 

Thanks for any input.  This too shall pass.  

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KarenB

I'm glad you got a good sleep, and also that the info was helpful.  It makes a difference, doesn't it? 

 

I don't personally know about hormones, but there is a wealth of info in these threads: 

Female Hormone Issues

Hormone Therapy

PMS and Menstrual Cycle

 

Whatever you decide, make changes gradually to avoid further disruptions to your system. 

 

Regarding being anxious about recommendations - as you begin to read and take more responsibility for your health, your trust in yourself will increase.  Take each issue one at a time, check out what info SA has on it, read through the discussions, and listen in to what your instincts are saying.  The more you do this, the better you'll become at being the expert on you!  And that's the way it should be.   

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Sheera

So after yesterdays really good night's sleep, the day got progressively worse.  My neuro-emotions were out of control and the anxiety was coursing through my body.  I finally had time to meditate around 7:30 pm and that seemed to help calm me a little bit.  About 3 weeks ago, I caved and took 5 mg of Brintellix not knowing much about this site at all.  Now I'm wondering if that little bit is causing some more withdrawal.  Is this possible?  

 

I am fearful at this point that reninstatement will not work considering it has been over 2 months.  Is it normal for things to get worse before they get a little better?  I am also fearful that this is my "depression" returning.  Even though I am in a completely different place in my life and have resolved the issues that lead to it, my negative thinking has returned.  This time I know it's not true but it "feels" just as painful.  I am having this inability to cope with stressful situations again and it is a flashback to my previous depression.  Are these my neuroemotions tricking me into thinking all this?  I feel like I'm two people right now and it is very scary!  

 

I will make a decision over the next few days to reinstate or not and I am wondering what the suggestion would be for reinstatement.  Should I start at 2mg and see how it goes?  5mg?  Of course I want to start at the lowest amount so my taper takes a short amount of time, but I would also like it to be successful.  

 

I know that's a lot of questions and I am so thankful that you may be able to help answer them!

 

Sheera

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scallywag

Sheera:

 

Although reinstatement is most predictably effective when done days after the last dose, we consider the optimal window to be up to 3 months after last dose. Some people have had positive results with reinstatements done after 9 months or a year.  There is still time for you.

 

Your last dose was 5 mg on Nov. 10 2016, after having dropped from 10 mg on Oct. 20 2016. You would be best to start at 1 mg to test whether your CNS (central nervous system) can tolerate the reinstatement.  You need to give it 10 -14 days: 4-5 days for the drug to reach a steady state range in your body and then another week or so for your CNS to "notice" it and respond. For more information, check out the reinstatement topic (Karen posted it above, but I'll repeat for easy reference.)

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms.  

 

We suggest very low doses for reinstatement because there is a risk that it won't work, and might worsen symptoms. This is a gamble where the odds are not known. Every person has to make the choice for him- or herself.

 

 

Your other question:

 

Very often withdrawal symptoms are diagnosed by doctors as the original condition returning or worse -- a new condition arising. When you understand the effect of these medications on the CNS (central nervous system), withdrawal symptoms are the most probable explanation. Neuro-emotions can be a significant issue for some people.

Is it withdrawal or relapse?

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Sheera

Hey all—it’s been a long time since I’ve written and quite a long journey for me so far. I did not end up reinstating after my last posts. So I’m currently in month 17 of withdrawal. In so many ways I am better. I took quite a bit of time off from accessing the site because so many “small” things would trigger me and I couldn’t handle it. I would read success stories during a wave and those would give me hope.  I’ve mainly dealt with HUGE neuroemotions. I feel kind of like a toddler learning to regulate. My sleep has also been pretty disrupted. In the past 17 months I’ve had very few normal sleeps.

 

What got me through the first year or so was that even though I was having those terrible emotions was that I was also experiencing some good emotions returning. I was blunted by AD. For the past 6 months or so I have noticed my windows have gotten longer and my brain is able  to manage those neuroemotions better BUT I’m in this sort of “I don’t care” phase. I’m flat. So then the waves come—like one I’m in now—and I’m attempting to be thankful and positive and I can’t feel it.  And right now my anxiety has returned in full force. And I haven’t felt this revved up in a LONG time. I have a REALLY stressful job as a teacher in a low income middle school. It’s the end of the school year and kids are crazy. So of course my brain starts to blame school for how I feel and I wonder if I will just keep experiencing this inability to cope forever. There’s not a lot of people I can talk to about this. I did share with one coworker and she said I needed to go back on AD—no way!!!  I was just wondering if anyone has felt a major wave at 17 months out. And the “I don’t care”. That’s not me and it’s frustrating!

 

Looking for positive vibes and encouragement that this too shall pass. Thanks in advance!

 

 

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Altostrata

Hi, Sheera. Good to hear you're somewhat better.

 

Yes, recovery is slow and frustrating, with lots of waves and windows and discouraging setbacks. It sounds like you're coping pretty well. 

 

Due to your fragile nervous system, stress of any type can escalate. You're probably already doing stress reduction techniques while at work?

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

A lot of people find them helpful. Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Magnesium in particular can help settle you down. There are types you can mix with water and sip throughout the day.

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Sheera

Thanks Altostrata!  I have been taking Magnesium for the past month and I’m not sure that I notice a difference. I started with a low dose and increased and had some stomach issues so I backed down. The Omega 3’s seemed to have an adverse affect on me when I tried them awhile back. 

 

I do do stress reduction techniques...deep breathing, mindfulness, as well as noticing the positives around me. 

 

I think this wave is particularly difficult because anxiety/sleep issues were my major symptom when I was placed on AD. So when I have a wave with those particular symptoms it brings back issues that I thought I had dealt with. My job was my big stressor—for other reasons than it is now—and for some reason my brain connects “job” in general to anxiety.  I guess I will just have to realize that this is a wave and do my best to be mindful of the present moment rather than let my anxiety go down the path it wants to go down.  Thanks again for your suggestions. 

 

Sheera

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Sheera

Hi all—it was a rough night last night with very little sleep. This has been occurring more often as of late and I am wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this. About two months ago I discontinued my oral progesterone because my holistic doctor and I both did not feel it was having any positive effects. My cycles were still short and I’m not sure when I started it I saw any improvement. I was on a pretty high dose. Could there be a correlation between the wave I am in and that discontinuation?  Now I’m thinking maybe I should’ve tapered that even though it was a natural substance? The last few weeks have been especially rough with my sleep getting worse and feeling a wave like I haven’t in a long time. I’ve read all the threads on cycles, and hormones, and that so I’m just wondering if anyone has any extra insight?

 

Thanks—Sheera

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Sheera

Hey all—I am in a long wave right now experiencing a multitude of symptoms that I thought had been resolved. I’m on summer break from school and thought the break would be good. I guess one benefit is that I’m not at school AND experiencing all of these symptoms. I think I’m in the “over it” phase. Meaning there’s not a lot of new stuff for me to try. I’m in month 20 and have tried most everything and I’m pretty sure I am using my coping skills—prayer, deep breathing, positive affirmations, distractions, etc well. I know in my heart that it’s patience that will help the most. And I know it will get better. It’s just really really hard right now.  I thought I was getting really close—there’s some windows where I can’t even imagine being so anxious, depressed, sleepless or unfeeling again and then they come back. Sigh.  I’m just looking for a cheering section and word of encouragement. And if anyone else needs some it might be helpful for me to provide them for you. Hugs. 

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Madeleine

Maybe the end of the school year, with all the additional duties, might have been stressful for you and that could have ramped up your nervous system?   Don't worry.  Now that your summer break has begun, you can just relax, and you will likely feel better soon.
With very best wishes,
M.

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Sheera

Thanks M—I’m not sure what it is...the end of the year was actually not too stressful. Maybe I have too much time on my hands during the summer to analyze every last symptom. It’s hard to keep up with distractions when there’s so much time. I can only plan so many activities. And then sometimes the activities aren’t something I want to do and so I’m resentful. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m working on acceptance and it’s still a work in progress. 

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Sheera

Hey all--has anyone had bad waves 20 months out and then have the symptoms disappear again?  I am experiencing physical anxiety, I want to crawl out of my skin.  My eyes are closed at night but I'm not really sleeping.  Everything is a trigger.  I thought I had progressed past this and now it's back.  My deep breathing techniques are not calming me like they usually do.  I know recovery is not linear but this feels like a real setback.  My thoughts are jumping around like crazy.  Just when I think I'm calm, something else pops into my head that scares me to death.  I stopped watching the news again and I don't really want to talk or see anyone for fear of it bringing on a trigger.  I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm having a rough time.  

 

Thanks for any help---

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Hazel

Hi Sheera,

I don’t know if you are feeling better now, but I hope you are.  I just wanted to let you know that I can relate.  I went into a bad wave at about 18 months off Zoloft after being on it for over 13 years.  I am on Paxil now, but it never really helped with the Zoloft withdrawal.  It is really hard to feel so bad this far out.  I didn’t feel this bad in the beginning.  Like I said, I hope you are feeling better now.  Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Hazel

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Sheera

@Hazel thank you for posting!  I did actually feel better last week. I was really good at accepting where I was and now my wave is back again. I just got my period yesterday so that may have something to do with it. I’m feeling lots of neuro emotions which I haven’t felt in quite awhile. Everything seems to be a trigger. I thought I was in a wave awhile ago but maybe that was a window.  I almost got on and posted how well I was feeling but wanted to focus on my good mood.  I hope you are finding some ways to at least alleviate some of your symptoms. 

 

Sheera

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Sheera

Hey folks:  I'm wondering if I could get some advice.  When I was first placed on AD (October 2014), it was because of high anxiety.  The coursing type that won't stop, the bad thoughts, basically everything that Claire Weekes talks about in her book, Hope and Help for Your Nerves.  I had a difficult time sleeping and my hormones became really out of whack.  This was brought on by some stressful life events, an ill father-in law, death of a close friend and a new job that I hated.  Prior to that, I had normal levels of anxiety from normal life events.  I am typically a very positive person that sees the good.  I am a teacher and students love me because I see them and love them for who they are already and not who I think they should be.

 

When I quit Brintellix about 20 months ago, I was still able to work but I'm not even sure I was 10% there.  It was terrible.  I had anxiety, depression, neuroemotions through the roof, depersonalization, and every other mental symptom that is possible.  At that time, I knew it was the Brintellix because nothing in my life had changed.  Except my thoughts.  I pushed through that--it was hard but I kept reminding myself that it was WD.

 

Fast forward to 20 months later, and many of those symptoms have returned.  I think I took a hiatus from them and went through some Anhedonia from about September 2017-March 2018.  Now I'm in this neuroemotion thing but it is different.  Now my neuroemotions--mainly anxiety, but also anger, depression (basically everything it says on the neuroemotion link) have returned.  Before my neuroemotions were for random things in the news and "not real."  I guess they were easier to dismiss because they were so out there.  Now my emotions are more related to real life.  My husbands job, my job, my kids, my parents health, my sister's divorce, et.  I'm so amped up that sleep is difficult at times, just like in 2014 and just like when I got off B in 2016.  I do have more positives--even throughout the day--than I did at either of those times.  My job is stressful, but I like it (when I can remind myself that I do and it's not neuroanxiety)  I have two children--one is difficult and causes me stress.  When I get in the moment with him, it's hard to see that it will all work out.  That in itself is not me.  I am a patient person.  I have been losing my temper frequently.  

 

I discontinued some Progesterone about the time my wave started April 2018.  I had started this in 2015 after not feeling that AD were helping me from the initial situation.  I don't think it ever helped.  I still had trouble during my cycle with down times especially right before and during my period. And I had progesterone testing done at the time and my levels were all normal.  I "think" my hormones were crazy because of all the stress and needed to level out on their own, but now I'm not sure.  Maybe it was helping and I didn't know it or maybe this is just a random wave.  

 

I guess my worries are:  This is so far out from the stopping of Brintellix that maybe I just am at a phase in my life that I need AD to survive.  (I don't want to believe this but maybe it is??)  I know deep down I already have the coping skills, but I can't find them.  1) Could this be true?

 

2) Was the progesterone actually helping and maybe I should talk to my doctor about adding at least some back in?  Or get my levels checked again?  Are the levels even accurate during Withdrawal?  (Before my stressful life events I had a pretty normal cycle, irritable and cranky before my period)

 

3)Is it normal for symptoms to flare up so similar to the initial situation (2014) and back when I first quit (2016)?  

 

4)  Anyone have any parenting advice for an impulsive 8YO boy?  (kidding)

 

I would love any of your thoughts on this.  AD withdrawal is hard.  Thank you for your help in advance.  

 

Sheera

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Sheera

Well after writing the above post I have come to some sort of “epiphany” at the moment. I say at the moment because I know how often those fluctuate in WD. Regardless of my symptoms, I have been through them all before and they have all improved. My baseline—functioning is better now 21 months off so I just need to wait for this current state to pass. I do think my body is trying to figure out what to do without the progesterone I was taking. Even though I don’t think it ever made me feel better my body must have adjusted to it. I have been really into Claire Weekes stuff the past 6 weeks or so and have tried to do more accepting. This has really helped me. So I will continue...waiting...

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Sheera

Well after writing the above post I have come to some sort of “epiphany” at the moment. I say at the moment because I know how often those fluctuate in WD. Regardless of my symptoms, I have been through them all before and they have all improved. My baseline—functioning is better now 21 months off so I just need to wait for this current state to pass. I do think my body is trying to figure out what to do without the progesterone I was taking. Even though I don’t think it ever made me feel better my body must have adjusted to it. I have been really into Claire Weekes stuff the past 6 weeks or so and have tried to do more accepting. This has really helped me. So I will continue...waiting...

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Sheera

Well yesterday was pretty rough with a bad headache and lots of anxiety. BUT it was also positive because my OCD and intrusive thoughts were much easier to dismiss. And quite honestly felt foreign. Like I thought they might reappear and they couldn’t. I was afraid meetings would be hard because of the anxiety and they were just fine—way more positive and present than I was last year at the beginning of school. I went to bed early last night and just had my eyes closed for the first few hours. But I just kept being thankful that I was even in my bed. And I really felt the thankfulness. After the 3 hours I finally fell asleep and actually dreamed!  I did wake up with morning anxiety this morning but I know it will go away if I distract myself.  Feeling hopeful right now. 

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Carmie
On 8/8/2018 at 10:21 PM, Sheera said:

Well after writing the above post I have come to some sort of “epiphany” at the moment. I say at the moment because I know how often those fluctuate in WD. Regardless of my symptoms, I have been through them all before and they have all improved. My baseline—functioning is better now 21 months off so I just need to wait for this current state to pass. I do think my body is trying to figure out what to do without the progesterone I was taking. Even though I don’t think it ever made me feel better my body must have adjusted to it. I have been really into Claire Weekes stuff the past 6 weeks or so and have tried to do more accepting. This has really helped me. So I will continue...waiting...

 

Hi Sheera, 

 

You’ve got a good attitude there. Withdrawals aren’t linear whatsoever. It’s up, down, up, down. We can go through massive waves that never seem to want to end n then all of a sudden the wave stops. We can have windows n waves all in one day. We can have long windows n all of a sudden a wave hits and we may feel we are getting nowhere. 

 

All these signs show that we are healing though, our brain wants to go back into homeostasis and one of these days it will.

 

11 hours ago, Sheera said:

Well yesterday was pretty rough with a bad headache and lots of anxiety. BUT it was also positive because my OCD and intrusive thoughts were much easier to dismiss. And quite honestly felt foreign. Like I thought they might reappear and they couldn’t. I was afraid meetings would be hard because of the anxiety and they were just fine—way more positive and present than I was last year at the beginning of school. I went to bed early last night and just had my eyes closed for the first few hours. But I just kept being thankful that I was even in my bed. And I really felt the thankfulness. After the 3 hours I finally fell asleep and actually dreamed!  I did wake up with morning anxiety this morning but I know it will go away if I distract myself.  Feeling hopeful right now. 

 

Sorry u had severe anxiety and headaches. Glad there was some positive in it though. I feel it’s always important to try to look at the positive. Sometimes it’s hard to find, especially in a severe wave, but there is always something there. 

 

Keep staying thankful, it’s a great attitude 💚

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Sheera

Thanks Carmie, for the reply. I struggle the most with the non-linear part of withdrawal. The daily fluctuations are crazy. I am normal for a minute and then the next I will get triggered and it sends me into one of those emotional spirals. I’m beginning to notice those though at least and know what stressful situations I need to keep myself away from. I am hopeful/thankful right now and am enjoying that so much. It sure beats the anhedonia I dealt with a few months back. We will all get there eventually—I hope you are feeling well today. 

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Sheera

Thanks Carmie, for the reply. I struggle the most with the non-linear part of withdrawal. The daily fluctuations are crazy. I am normal for a minute and then the next I will get triggered and it sends me into one of those emotional spirals. I’m beginning to notice those though at least and know what stressful situations I need to keep myself away from. I am hopeful/thankful right now and am enjoying that so much. It sure beats the anhedonia I dealt with a few months back. We will all get there eventually—I hope you are feeling well today. 

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Carmie
Just now, Sheera said:

Thanks Carmie, for the reply. I struggle the most with the non-linear part of withdrawal. The daily fluctuations are crazy. I am normal for a minute and then the next I will get triggered and it sends me into one of those emotional spirals. I’m beginning to notice those though at least and know what stressful situations I need to keep myself away from. I am hopeful/thankful right now and am enjoying that so much. It sure beats the anhedonia I dealt with a few months back. We will all get there eventually—I hope you are feeling well today. 

 

Hi again, 

 

Yes, the up n down of it all is weird. I’m so glad you realise what causes you stress n are trying to minimise these things as too much stress can certainly rev up our nervous symptoms.

 

Wishing you all the best in your recovery 💚

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Rosetta

Hi, Sheera,

 

Wow, I can't believe you are able to teach middle school kids through all of this.  You're amazing.  Thank you for your post on my thread.  It really did give me hope.  Acceptance -- it's just about all we can do sometimes.

 

Yours,

Rosetta

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Sheera

@Rosetta thanks for the encouragement.  I think it’s easier to give advice than to heed our own. I am going through a period of severe apathy/irritation/anger/depression right now. I’m not sure how those things can coexist. My wonderful husband is so irritating right now. I can’t stand him. I feel lonely—when this all started he knew what to say to help me and now he’s run out of words. Besides my children he was the one to comfort me. Now I am just irritated beyond measure by him. I think it’s a combo of guilt that I can’t fake interest and guilt that this is still going on. I feel bad that he continues to wait and be supportive but also fearful that he won’t. Does that even make sense?  I don’t know how he continues to love me.  I am so pessimistic and whiny and can only find the negative in things. This is not me and so it is very hard for me to like myself. How can I expect him to like me?  Thanks for listening. I hope your day at your daughters school went well. I know teachers appreciate when they have helpers!

 

Sheera

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Rosetta

Sadly, the irritation and anger with those we love is a "normal" stage of this horrible experience.  Yes, the guilt is enormous.  Just try to avoid expressing the anger as much as possible.  I don't know why or how my husband has stuck with me either.  He's a saint.  Nowdays, I can recognize that my irritation and anger is more intense than it should be, and sometimes it's very mild.  I'm better at staying silent or ignoring the things that upset me.  He's doing the best he can, and he's exhausted by this long haul just as I am.  The battle fatigue can really take its toll.  It will all very, very slowly get better.  You will see the improvement in retrospect only.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

By the way, using @ requires us to wait for a drop down menu to appear and then click on the correct name.  When I type  @She I can see your name as the 5th one down.  When I click on your name then I see @Sheera in my text instead of @Sheera.  Then I know you'll get a notification (but maybe only if you opted to receive notifications.)

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Sheera

Hey all—I am in this really irritable and crabby stage. Sometimes it’s a Anhedonia and sometimes depression. But always a seriously dark cloud hanging there. Any thoughts on how to deal...or is it just the regular accept and go on with your day?  I’m seeing a pattern emerge—I felt this awhile back and didn’t realize it. Now I mostly 80/20 realize it’s WD. My thoughts are so mean to myself. How does one deal with this????

 

a very crabby Sheera. 

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Sheera

Thanks Gridley—I’ve tried magnesium and it hasn’t helped me. I’ve read Claire Weekes numerous times and listened to her videos. I think she’s helped me more than anything especially during a high anxiety phase. This depression and lack of feeling is pretty disturbing and I probably just need to go about it the same way as I do the anxiety. Like all of it I just wish there was some magic cure. I feel like I’m on the third leg of the 800 meters—always the hardest part because you’re really tired and not really close enough to see the finish line.

 

Thanks again—

Sheera

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Rosetta

I'm in a similar place.  I have to keep reminding myself that it's temporary. -R

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Rosetta

Thanks for your note on my thread.  I hope you are doing ok today. -R

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Peachy

I am experiencing something similar, and I would love some input, or someone to say "Me too!".

 

MOD NOTE:  Please respond to Peachy in Peachy's Intro topic which will keep Sheera's topic from going off track.  Thank you.

 

My anger and irritation feels very "alarming" because it is totally irrational. It's usually aimed at loved ones or friends. Sometimes strangers. I will start to feel hyper sensitive, like to noises. I will almost have a buzzing in my ears. I begin to feel irritated by peoples voices and the words they are speaking. Like I'm annoyed and angry that they are even breathing. Even if they are saying nice things and helping me. The feelings are super distorted. Sometimes it even sounds distorted and it repeats in my head. Does that make sense? So scary... I never had this before going on medications 15 years ago, and have only had it while trying to taper. 

 

I will want to crawl out of my skin, and feel totally out of control during this phase. Even someone brushing up against me as they walk by me will make me feel extreme anger. I don't act on this anger/irritation. I'm just constantly holding it it, feeling like I'm loosing it. 

 

Does this sound like a form of Akathasia? I already have intrusive thoughts and urges, and when this symptom comes along I really can't manage. I'm literally afraid of myself and feel completely out of control. Is this a symptoms of WD, or am I actually very sick. Please tell me someone has had the same and healed from it?

 

My rationing is that if I were seriously mentally ill in this way, the antidepressants and small dose of Adderrall wouldn't have "covered up" such a severe mental illness. Does this sound right?

 

I really need advice, guidance, and assurance. I am 3 years into my taper, I'm still on 5mg Lexapro down from 20mg, and this symptom is relatively new, and getting stronger. I do have to say it seems to be much worse while on my period and right after. Is this a really bad sign of whats to come? Should I just give up and try to go back up to 20mg and just accept that I can't come off? Can I heal from this??

 

Help!

Please respond to Peachy in Peachy's Intro topic 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
added note and link

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Sheera

Sunday evenings are just terrible for me. And I don’t know how to make them better. I’m not sure why I get so crabby irritable and anxious on Sunday nights. I’ve never had that before WD so I’m assuming that it will go away eventually. I have tried a million different strategies to get myself in the right mindset and I can’t prevent the doom cloud from taking over. Does anyone have any words of assurance that this will eventually leave?  I know in my heart that I love my job even though I don’t “feel” it lately. Maybe I have felt some sadness in the past that the weekend was over but now it’s magnified by my neuroemotions and feels devastating instead of the normal level of sadness?  

 

On a side note, what I am discussing seems trivial to the other WD symptoms I have experienced and I know others are experiencing right now. So that is a bonus for me and shows the progress I am making. Praying for patience and acceptance right now. 

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