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Sheera

Sheera: Should have listened to my husband

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Rosetta

Hugs, Sheera.  What you just wrote is WD "normal" in a nutshell.  Very uncomfortable and a miserable way to live, but the symptoms aren't truly awful as they were before in a deep wave.  I'm glad you can "float."  That's a very good thing to be able to do with all of this.  Hang in there, and keep busy.  Even if you don't enjoy what you are dong, it's important to try to avoid overthinking this.  It simply IS, and you will be completely well eventually.  For now you have to wait it out, but I fully believe you will be well.

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Carmie

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down Sheera, 

 

I know the feeling when you can’t find joy in things, anhedonia is horrible. 

 

I remember last time I was down the Coast at my sister’s place I couldn’t feel anything. I just made myself do things anyway, I went to the beach, did some crafts etc. I was so numb though, I’m a photoholic n I kept taken photos but I couldn’t find any joy in it. I still made myself do it anyway. My creativity isn’t that great when I’m totally anhedonic but later on I did a lot of photo editing.

 

Yes, we all get scared at times thinking this will never end, but our brains have remarkable healing abilities. The only problem is it can take such a long time, and that’s the scary part, and then our brain tricks us into thinking we won’t heal. We will!

 

I’m glad you manage to float n I hope you find some peace too. All we can do is live in the present moment n try to get through it as best we can. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

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Sheera

@Carmie thanks for the encouragement Carmie. I actually had some moments of thankfulness and joy last week and this weekend. It felt good. Flashes of them make me happy. I am having a rough go with my students at school and that is not helpful to healing I don’t think. When I have WD anxiety I attach it to school and then I start to think I hate my job and it’s a vicious cycle. There are times I wonder if it wouldn’t be better for me if I took some time off. Then I think about the joy it prob gives me that I don’t even know about that is prob helping me heal. Also, it is quite a distraction on my worst days. I didn’t sleep well at all last night. Praying that my students are well behaved. 

 

Hugs—Sheera

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Sheera

My withdrawal normal has been very tolerable the last week or so with some feelings of gratitude and joy. I am thankful for that. Throughout that whole time though I was experiencing these periods of almost obsession about something. I think it’s like the “emotional spiral” Brass Monkey has mentioned. I let myself get sucked into one little thing and then my mind just plays it over and over and tries to solve some problem that does not even exist. It also somehow makes me feel bad for the situation. I was in a meeting yesterday and was reading into all the adults interactions and eventually made up that I am a terrible teacher and no one thinks I do a good job.  This is irrational. I am a good teacher with things to work on but for some reason I feel I am terrible and that I must be perfect. 

 

I tried to watch a basketball game last night that I was really excited for but I started getting fuzzy headed. I went to bed feeling the anxiety and fell asleep. I woke up once I started to fall asleep.  My noise sensitivity is very high right now.  Totally awake but with a huge amount of fear and doom. I haven’t slept well because of the intensity of my thoughts lately. It’s like they’re screaming at me to solve a problem that I can’t solve. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Which led to being afraid of getting through my teaching day and being too tired. So I caved and took a half a Benadryl.  I slept a good 6 and a 1/2 hours. But now I’m awake and not giving myself any grace for having taken the Benadryl. Vicious cycle. 

 

I am going to have to work extra hard at school to not get pulled into the negativity. This is frustrating to me because that is not normally something I have to work very hard at doing. It makes me exhausted. I can’t wait until I am able to do that without I thinking. I also am having a hard time finding the good in people. That is not like me either. Usually the toughest students are my favorite—but right now I’m having such a hard time finding anything I like about them. I’m sure they can sense that. 

 

I wish I was normal again. 

 

Thankful for a supportive husband and many other things but I can’t think of them right now. 

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Carmie

Hi Sheera, 

 

Glad to hear you’ve been in withdrawal normal. I’m heading that way too at the moment.

 

I know, aren’t our thoughts the weirdest things when going through withdrawals? They are all over the place n small things can become so intense. Do you journal? I find writing my thoughts down n getting them out of my head really helps. 

 

I’m hoping to go out in nature today, one of my favourite things to do. I hope you find something that makes you smile today too. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

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Rabe
13 hours ago, Sheera said:

I wish I was normal again. 

I wish that for you too, Sheera!  ASAP!!!  You are doing so much and so well in this WD normal...it looks good on you!!!! Hugs!!!💜

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Sheera

@Carmie I do journal but not my intense ruminating thoughts. I will try it. I’ve gotten better at accepting the physical anxiety—the physical doesn’t bother me near as much as it used to—I must be healing!

 

The thoughts are another story. I can feel them swirling in there wanting me to care and I don’t really but then wonder if I should??  

 

On a positive note—school was way better than I anticipated of course. I know that in my mind but don’t believe it. I work with such good kind people. I am thankful for that and blessed. 

 

We got our Christmas tree decorated and it looks beautiful. We took a family selfie and it was the first time I’ve taken one in a LONG time where my smile wasn’t fake. My brain does not want to acknowledge that there are good things all around, but there are. 

 

I came home tonight and did nothing. I wish I had distracted myself more instead of dwelling. I will remember that next time. 

 

 

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Carmie

Hi Sheera, 

 

I know, our poor brains and thoughts and feelings are under attack n sometimes all we can do is ride them out. 

 

I find though that when I journal all the negative thoughts and feelings that I have somehow get put into perspective, even if it doesn’t get rid of them. 

 

The only real thing I find that gets rid of the negative feelings n thoughts is FasterEFT. It works amazingly and it’s always worked for me. I’ve just been really slack in doing it this year as I’ve had a lot of things to deal with that I won’t mention on this forum. I think I just feel stuck sometimes n even sabotage myself. I know it will help with these things too. I really need to get back into the tapping. It is absolutely amazing how it helps.

 

I’m glad School was better than anticipated. I have a friend that’s a school teacher too and another that works in childcare. 

 

Yes, definitely try n find some distractions when at home n do them even if you’re feeling anhedonic or anxious. It is a great coping tool. 

 

Take care💚

 

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Sheera

Some positives—I think I’ve been in a window the past week or so with an interruption of my TOTM. My anhedonia started to lift last week and then my hormones shifted which I think caused my anxiety and ruminating and inability to sleep. During the hormone shift I did a lot of self talk about emotional spirals and practiced not following my thoughts/feelings. I also let myself be a pile. I was able to not feel guilty about the self-care. This helped and I think has what caused me to bounce back easier during this TOTM. Also probably because I’m in a window.

 

I have reflected back on myself from last year and I am definitely improved. The past week I have outbursts of laughter so intense that it catches me off guard and I wonder if I’m manic. I think laughter like that is normal but it’s been so long.  I went Christmas shopping today and bought some really good gifts for my family. It was too hard for me to do that last year—I couldn’t be creative and I was overwhelmed. I also enjoyed doing the dishes today while listening to Christmas music. I can feel the hope and thankfulness.

 

I type this to remind myself that things are improving and when I don’t feel good hopefully I can read this and be reminded. 

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