☼ Sheera: Lamictal and Brintellix

[Rosetta]

Hugs, Sheera.  What you just wrote is WD "normal" in a nutshell.  Very uncomfortable and a miserable way to live, but the symptoms aren't truly awful as they were before in a deep wave.  I'm glad you can "float."  That's a very good thing to be able to do with all of this.  Hang in there, and keep busy.  Even if you don't enjoy what you are dong, it's important to try to avoid overthinking this.  It simply IS, and you will be completely well eventually.  For now you have to wait it out, but I fully believe you will be well.

[Carmie]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down Sheera, 

 

I know the feeling when you can’t find joy in things, anhedonia is horrible. 

 

I remember last time I was down the Coast at my sister’s place I couldn’t feel anything. I just made myself do things anyway, I went to the beach, did some crafts etc. I was so numb though, I’m a photoholic n I kept taken photos but I couldn’t find any joy in it. I still made myself do it anyway. My creativity isn’t that great when I’m totally anhedonic but later on I did a lot of photo editing.

 

Yes, we all get scared at times thinking this will never end, but our brains have remarkable healing abilities. The only problem is it can take such a long time, and that’s the scary part, and then our brain tricks us into thinking we won’t heal. We will!

 

I’m glad you manage to float n I hope you find some peace too. All we can do is live in the present moment n try to get through it as best we can. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

[Sheera]

@Carmie thanks for the encouragement Carmie. I actually had some moments of thankfulness and joy last week and this weekend. It felt good. Flashes of them make me happy. I am having a rough go with my students at school and that is not helpful to healing I don’t think. When I have WD anxiety I attach it to school and then I start to think I hate my job and it’s a vicious cycle. There are times I wonder if it wouldn’t be better for me if I took some time off. Then I think about the joy it prob gives me that I don’t even know about that is prob helping me heal. Also, it is quite a distraction on my worst days. I didn’t sleep well at all last night. Praying that my students are well behaved. 

 

Hugs—Sheera

[Sheera]

My withdrawal normal has been very tolerable the last week or so with some feelings of gratitude and joy. I am thankful for that. Throughout that whole time though I was experiencing these periods of almost obsession about something. I think it’s like the “emotional spiral” Brass Monkey has mentioned. I let myself get sucked into one little thing and then my mind just plays it over and over and tries to solve some problem that does not even exist. It also somehow makes me feel bad for the situation. I was in a meeting yesterday and was reading into all the adults interactions and eventually made up that I am a terrible teacher and no one thinks I do a good job.  This is irrational. I am a good teacher with things to work on but for some reason I feel I am terrible and that I must be perfect. 

 

I tried to watch a basketball game last night that I was really excited for but I started getting fuzzy headed. I went to bed feeling the anxiety and fell asleep. I woke up once I started to fall asleep.  My noise sensitivity is very high right now.  Totally awake but with a huge amount of fear and doom. I haven’t slept well because of the intensity of my thoughts lately. It’s like they’re screaming at me to solve a problem that I can’t solve. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Which led to being afraid of getting through my teaching day and being too tired. So I caved and took a half a Benadryl.  I slept a good 6 and a 1/2 hours. But now I’m awake and not giving myself any grace for having taken the Benadryl. Vicious cycle. 

 

I am going to have to work extra hard at school to not get pulled into the negativity. This is frustrating to me because that is not normally something I have to work very hard at doing. It makes me exhausted. I can’t wait until I am able to do that without I thinking. I also am having a hard time finding the good in people. That is not like me either. Usually the toughest students are my favorite—but right now I’m having such a hard time finding anything I like about them. I’m sure they can sense that. 

 

I wish I was normal again. 

 

Thankful for a supportive husband and many other things but I can’t think of them right now. 

[Carmie]

Hi Sheera, 

 

Glad to hear you’ve been in withdrawal normal. I’m heading that way too at the moment.

 

I know, aren’t our thoughts the weirdest things when going through withdrawals? They are all over the place n small things can become so intense. Do you journal? I find writing my thoughts down n getting them out of my head really helps. 

 

I’m hoping to go out in nature today, one of my favourite things to do. I hope you find something that makes you smile today too. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

[Rabe]

13 hours ago, Sheera said:

I wish I was normal again. 

I wish that for you too, Sheera!  ASAP!!!  You are doing so much and so well in this WD normal...it looks good on you!!!! Hugs!!!💜

[Sheera]

@Carmie I do journal but not my intense ruminating thoughts. I will try it. I’ve gotten better at accepting the physical anxiety—the physical doesn’t bother me near as much as it used to—I must be healing!

 

The thoughts are another story. I can feel them swirling in there wanting me to care and I don’t really but then wonder if I should??  

 

On a positive note—school was way better than I anticipated of course. I know that in my mind but don’t believe it. I work with such good kind people. I am thankful for that and blessed. 

 

We got our Christmas tree decorated and it looks beautiful. We took a family selfie and it was the first time I’ve taken one in a LONG time where my smile wasn’t fake. My brain does not want to acknowledge that there are good things all around, but there are. 

 

I came home tonight and did nothing. I wish I had distracted myself more instead of dwelling. I will remember that next time. 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Sheera, 

 

I know, our poor brains and thoughts and feelings are under attack n sometimes all we can do is ride them out. 

 

I find though that when I journal all the negative thoughts and feelings that I have somehow get put into perspective, even if it doesn’t get rid of them. 

 

The only real thing I find that gets rid of the negative feelings n thoughts is FasterEFT. It works amazingly and it’s always worked for me. I’ve just been really slack in doing it this year as I’ve had a lot of things to deal with that I won’t mention on this forum. I think I just feel stuck sometimes n even sabotage myself. I know it will help with these things too. I really need to get back into the tapping. It is absolutely amazing how it helps.

 

I’m glad School was better than anticipated. I have a friend that’s a school teacher too and another that works in childcare. 

 

Yes, definitely try n find some distractions when at home n do them even if you’re feeling anhedonic or anxious. It is a great coping tool. 

 

Take care💚

 

[Sheera]

Some positives—I think I’ve been in a window the past week or so with an interruption of my TOTM. My anhedonia started to lift last week and then my hormones shifted which I think caused my anxiety and ruminating and inability to sleep. During the hormone shift I did a lot of self talk about emotional spirals and practiced not following my thoughts/feelings. I also let myself be a pile. I was able to not feel guilty about the self-care. This helped and I think has what caused me to bounce back easier during this TOTM. Also probably because I’m in a window.

 

I have reflected back on myself from last year and I am definitely improved. The past week I have outbursts of laughter so intense that it catches me off guard and I wonder if I’m manic. I think laughter like that is normal but it’s been so long.  I went Christmas shopping today and bought some really good gifts for my family. It was too hard for me to do that last year—I couldn’t be creative and I was overwhelmed. I also enjoyed doing the dishes today while listening to Christmas music. I can feel the hope and thankfulness.

 

I type this to remind myself that things are improving and when I don’t feel good hopefully I can read this and be reminded. 

[Sheera]

I woke early Friday with a bout of the stomach flu. I’m assuming it was that—my son had it on Tuesday. I took good care of myself through the weekend but now I am back to the real world. Having a lot of anxiety and overwhelming feelings even though I have a lot to look forward to over the next few weeks. My acceptance is not working well right now—I’m telling myself to accept and float and my mind is screaming at me to pay attention. I wonder if this is another phase of the withdrawal cycle that I just have to wait to pass. I’m sure it is. Weirdly with the anxiety I am having other feelings emerge like thankfulness and joy and hope. So I guess if I want the happy feelings I have to deal with the other ones too. I’ve been journaling every night and also reading scripture even if I don’t want to. I’m hoping the consistency will at least help a little even if I don’t feel it. I’m tired of this but thankful that at least I can see some glimmers of the future and it is good. 

 

To those of you struggling right now—the beauty of this is that life is impermanent. There are bad times, but the good does return. Wait for time to pass and there will be glimmers for you too. 

 

Hugs—Sheera 

[Carmie]

Hi Sheera, 

 

I’m so sorry your anxiety has been so bad. Yes, sometimes acceptance flies out the window, doesn’t it?✈️ As long as we practice it most of the time it will help us to keep on going. 

 

You sound like you’re coming out of anhedonia, as even though you’re feeling anxious you are feeling joy and other positive emotions at the same time. It seems to be one or the other a lot of the time, unless we are in big windows.

 

It’s lovely to read about how positive you are nevertheless. Keep up with spreading that sunshine ☀️☀️☀️

[Rosetta]

On December 17, 2018 at 9:46 AM, Sheera said:

 I’m tired of this but thankful that at least I can see some glimmers of the future and it is good. 

 

To those of you struggling right now—the beauty of this is that life is impermanent. There are bad times, but the good does return. Wait for time to pass and there will be glimmers for you too. 

 

You may not realize how amazing it is that you are having these thoughts and writing about hope.  Or maybe you do.  A really good sign nonetheless.  I'm so pleased for you.  

 

Thanks for being supportive of me these past few weeks.  You are so sweet.  I hope you sleep well!

 

Rosetta

[Sheera]

Thanks @Carmieand @Rosettafor stopping by last week. I haven’t been on that much—I’ve felt really good the last week. My anhedonia did lift and I was feeling lots of thankfulness and joy and I was very in the moment. I didn’t have to force myself to be distracted—I was completely present. It was actually quite wonderful and the best Christmas I have had in at least 4 years. ❤️ 

 

Today I think I’m somewhat “hungover” from the holiday letdown. I haven’t been sleeping well and I was at my moms which is even worse. Christmas is over and now I have about 10 days to “relax.”  I had so many plans for my break from teaching. But these are often my hardest times because I have to distract myself and I’m not the best at that. My distraction when I feel this way is to obsess and try to solve the WD problem. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I feel like I should know by now that I can’t solve it. I also am nervous to go back to school but I don’t want to be on break. 🤦🏻‍♀️

 

I think I may be having PMS too which exacerbates my symptoms. Oh well—I just have to keep trucking along and BELIEVE that if I have seen the light at one point, I will see it again. 

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Sheera, 

 

I hope you find some distractions while you’re on holiday. I’m sorry you struggle to find distractions. My brain is the opposite, I always find a million n one distractions. I think it’s because of my illness, I’ve been ill for such a long time that distractions are what keep me going. I loooooooove doing creative things. 

 

As for PMS, well that’s way in the past, so don’t have to worry about that😄. 

 

I really do hope that you find some good distractions Sheera. 

 

As you said, we just have to keep trucking along🚛🚚🚛🚚. 

 

Sending hugs your way🤗

[Rosetta]

I understand how hard it is for you to be out of your routine and yet unable to relax.  I just watched a show on Netflix called Travelers.  If you like Sci-fi, there are three seasons available.  I enjoyed it.

[Sheera]

Well I’m up tonight—I’m having that unsettling feeling in my body that I can’t calm down. Deep breathing doesn’t work and I have a killer headache. I’m thankful I’m on break. I was feeling well earlier in the week and invited friends over to watch football tomrrow with my family. I am stressing about not feeling well while they are at our house and just wanting to be by myself. My whole family wants this little get together and I usually do too—the old me did anyway—and right now all I can think about is how tired I will be when they are all here. 

 

I did a difficult workout today and I think it may have amped up my symptoms. I think this cycle happens to me often. I slow down my workouts because they’re making symptoms worse and then as I start to feel better I speed them up again and then I slow down again. Working out and staying fit has always been stress relief for me and it makes me very sad that I am unable to use that to cope. I have been an athletic competitor all my life and the “30 min a day” walking suggestion doesn’t cut it for me. But I guess it’s going to have to for now. It’s also always been something my husband and I do together and it’s hard to explain to him that in my case working out is actually bad for me.  He’s usually very supportive but this one doesn’t make sense to him. 

 

There are positives to this—I am able to distract right now with television—although doing that right before bed right now is causing a broken record in my mind.  Reading might be a better choice before bed the next few days. And I can actually read to distract too—which is what I am going to do now instead of focusing on this. 

 

I’m saying prayers for the rest of you who are awake at this hour. May you find some rest for your mind at some point this evening. And may you know that this won’t last forever. 

 

[Rabe]

Hi Sheera...It is hard to slow down so when you have been used to being so active.  I do think it a real plus that you not only made the connection but have accepted it as well.  Says a lot about you and your progress.  

13 hours ago, Sheera said:

I’m saying prayers for the rest of you who are awake at this hour. May you find some rest for your mind at some point this evening. And may you know that this won’t last forever. 

Wanted to say how kind this was...please take care of yourself Sheera...sending hugs your way!💜

[Sheera]

We had some friends over last night and I was trying not to dread it but I was dreading it. I just had that empty of feelings feeling. I wanted to be alone and shut the door. I couldn’t laugh but thankfully I didn’t really get sucked into the bad feeling. Once I decided not to hate it I felt much better. I didn’t feel good but I was able to be in the moment—even cracked a few jokes here and there.

 

They didn’t leave until late—well past when my body wanted to go to bed. But—I slept so well!!!  7 hours of hard sleep with not the type of weird, I’m sleeping but my mind is still active sleep, but my mind was resting. My mind feels rested this morning and it is amazing. Even my husband said, you seem like you’re in a good mood. 

 

My neuroemotions have been high the past few days. I am going to practice not reacting to their intensity. All of these strategies that I am learning to cope with WD will definitely help me as I heal and when I am fully healed. I am thankful for that—just wish I had a warning for when to get out each tool. Wouldn’t it be nice if I had a warning when neuroemotions would flare—FYI you’re going to overreact to this comment. Do you really feel that strongly about where you eat dinner?  Ha!

 

I guess that’s the nature of trusting that I have made it through all of the symptoms before and if I wait for time to pass I will eventually feel better. 

 

To those of you sitting in the dark right now, wait for some time to pass and you will see the light. You are healing in more ways than you know. You are brave. 

Hugs—Sheera

 

 

[Rabe]

Hi Sheera....wanted you to know that was beautiful to read...all of it.  I am so grateful to hear you had such  a wonderful evening, sleep, and morning...such blessings!  

 

I am wondering if you would share with me what tools you are using?  I am going to share one in a minute with someone...its a meditation...I am always looking to stock my box.  I have some videos from Neroli that have helped and some from Rosetta..and its nice because when I use them I always think of them in addition to the tool and its like a double tool dose! I hope your day continues to go well!!💜

[Sheera]

@Rabe some of the distractions that have worked for me:

1. Gilmore Girls—I watch with my daughter and it has very few triggers for me. 

2. CALM meditation app

3. deep breathing to promote sleep—when I go to bed I really try to not think about my day and instead I count my breaths

4. In the morning I try to get up instead of letting my thoughts ruminate 

5. Claire Weekes book Hope and Help for Your Nerves—truly a breakthrough with the amount of anxiety during WD

6.  Claire Weekes also has 4 talks about anxiety. I listen to #4 about setbacks a lot. 

7.  I do a lot of self talk and have the following go-to phrases that I use a lot. 

     This will pass

     I’m doing the best I can right now

     My brain is still healing

     A thought is just a thought 

     That’s not helpful 

     Fake it till you make it

     If it used to bring me joy—pretend it does right now

     This is not forever

      God chose me for a reason—this is part of a bigger plan than me

      What if.....I get better 

8. I also journal my thoughts here on SA and in a notebook that also includes prayers for others. 

9. Jesus Calling is a daily devotional that I have started doing again recently. 

10.  Christian Music—especially Fear is a Liar, Who You Say I Am, You Say, Known 

11.  I follow Peaceful Barb on Instagram

 

Hope this helps Rabe!!!  Hugs to you!

 

Sheera

 

 

 

 

 

[Carmie]

Hi Sheera, 

 

So glad that you coped with the social situation, and even managed to crack a joke. Laughter is the best medicine! We might not always feel like laughing, but I find that if I’m in a very low mood watching a comedy lifts my spirits a bit. 

 

I had to smile when you wrote that Gilmore Girls was one of your main distractions. It’s my favourite show EVER!! I’ve watched it a million times. No matter what else I watch, I always end up watching that inbetween other things. I loooove the quirkiness of the show. 

 

I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with neuro-emotions so much lately. Terrible how these chemicals affect our emotions. We just have to remember to get through each moment as it comes instead of overwhelming ourselves by thinking how much longer we have to deal with this. Easier said then done, but we seem to be getting a lot of opportunities to practice with all the symptoms we get. I’m sure we will all get better at it. That being said, we will all still go into our mini breakdowns when everything seems too much. If we could collect all the tears from the people on this site, I’m sure we would fill up any, many bottles. 

 

Here’s to our continued healing💚

 

 

 

 

[Sheera]

Journal:  I am struggling today.  We went to our friends last night for NYE with our kids and I wasn’t feeling well. I went anyway hoping the distraction would be helpful. It was not helpful. There are some marriage issues with our friends and it was obvious the wife is unhappy. She is not a happy person and so it was hard for me to stay afloat. I didn’t sleep well and didn’t have anything to distract me from my ruminating thoughts when I woke up in the night. Usually I get up and walk around a bit and then try and read. I didn’t have my book. The sleep started my day off poorly. 

 

I am depressed. This is the hardest symptom for me to accept. Even at my lowest point before starting AD I didn’t have the morbid thoughts I have about myself right now. I am disgusted with how angry I am and my behavior towards others. I have no empathy. I don’t like myself so I don’t like others. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. This has been a symptom for me during waves for the last few months. It usually stays for a few months.

 

This month I don’t hate my husband. So that is good. I can’t even try to get annoyed by him in the same way I did a few months ago. Bonus for him. I don’t feel a real connection to him but I’m not wondering why I married him. 

 

I have this weird head feeling right now. It’s like a tingling in my face and I feel like I can’t hold my head up straight. Kind of like a dizzy feeling.  I also am having some memory issues. It hurts my brain to remember anything. I can’t organize my thoughts. I’m managing by writing everything down.  

 

I had a really good time at Christmas and talked about some New Years Resolution.  Then this wave hit and I’m annoyed at myself for even thinking I could make a resolution.  My resolution should be no resolutions until I’m fully healed. Allowing myself to heal is enough.  At least I’m thinking about resolutions. I don’t think that was even an option last year.  

 

Well, I need to go distract myself from this pity party. I am watching the West Wing or maybe I need to do some Gilmore Girls. 

 

This will pass. It is nice to be at home with some sense of comfort. I am going to make myself some tea as well. 

[powerback]

10 minutes ago, Sheera said:

I am disgusted with how angry I am and my behavior towards others.

Ive just been having a massive spiral of the same .

this is very dangerous territory for us.

we are not mass murderers or dangerous criminals .we need to treat ourselves better but I totally empathise ,it can be horrible .

Our new years resolution can be to be nice to ourselves and kind  .

I know this year I need to make an effort on not feeding the demon inside me.its time to acknowledge im/we are not the monster withdrawl makes us think we are . 

take care.

🙏

[Rosetta]

42 minutes ago, Sheera said:

 

I am depressed. This is the hardest symptom for me to accept. Even at my lowest point before starting AD I didn’t have the morbid thoughts I have about myself right now. I am disgusted with how angry I am and my behavior towards others. I have no empathy. I don’t like myself so I don’t like others. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. This has been a symptom for me during waves for the last few months. It usually stays for a few months.

 

Oh, yes, WD depression is an entirely different beast than before ADs!  I'm glad you can see that there is that difference.  Keep reminding yourself that you have neuro emotions.  Hang in there.  It gets better and better over time.  A big hug (((Sheera)))).

 

Rosetta

[Carmie]

Hi Sheera, 

 

I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time. These horrible meds give us all sorts of chemically endured emotions. Just remember, it’s not the real you. The real you is still underneath. These meds can’t take that away. Once we are off them the real you will be shining brightly again just a like a bright star.✨✨

 

I hope your shows help you to distract enough to cope today. I’ve got both Gilmore Girls and West Wing on DVD. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

[Rabe]

Oh Sheera I am so sorry your new year has been ushered in my all this and that you are struggling so!   

I read what you wrote several times, and even though there are struggles, to me there are triumphs as well....

 

You weren't feeling well...but you went to your friends anyway.  She is not a happy person so it was hard for you to stay afloat...you saw it was about her not you.

You noted a good change in how you view your husband....I say give yourself a bonus too for your seeing a positive change.

You're having memory and organizing issues but you are writing things down to help you with that.

You recognize your depression and, though you dont like it, seem to see it for what it is...a symptom of your WD that comes with the waves, has a time frame, and as something that was not there before the meds.  You know it is not who you are.

You had a good Christmas and even some NY resolutions that have been hit by this wave, yet you speak kindly to yourself about allowing healing and that having any resolutions is a step forward from last year.  

You turn to your coping skills and the knowledge that this will pass....and speak of the comfort of home and make some tea for you.

 

I wanted you to say that even with these struggles you have triumphed...and to me that speaks to you, who you are, to your resilience, and to your strength.  Sending hugs your way and many thanks for sharing your thoughts because you shared hope as well.  Blessings and love Sheera!💜 

 

[Rabe]

4 hours ago, Sheera said:

I have no empathy.

Meant to also say that I believe you have a great deal of it as I have been the recipient of it in the kind empathetic messages you send to me....and to so many here on SA.  I am so grateful for you and your support Sheera!💜 

[Sheera]

@powerback @Carmie @Rabe @Rosetta

 

Thank you all for stopping by and reinforcing that this is WD, it will pass, and that my light will shine fully again soon. I hope you all get some wonderful sleep tonight. 

 

Hugs—Sheera 

[Rabe]

Hoping today has been a bit better for you Sheera...been thinking about you!!💜

[Sheera]

Journal:  today has been surprisingly nice. Surprising because it is the last day of my winter break. And Sundays are usually hard so I expected today to be hard. But I’ve been very in the moment without really trying. I went to lunch with my husband and kids and then took the kids ice skating. I’m not that happy but I can accept this easier than the ruminating thoughts and fear. I’ve noticed that my waves seem to be shorter. I mean I was in total despair a few days ago and today was decent.  I think I used to have the waves for longer. Or maybe that’s me being more positive?  Either way if it’s truth or not—at least it’s me looking at something in a good light rather than my brain only being able to focus on all that is terrible. My fear has dissipated for now so I will celebrate that. When I think of my schedule, I am able to organize more in my head and am not so overwhelmed. I did some work for school this morning and it was okay—I didn’t feel the dread doing it that I had anticipated. And afterwards I didn’t think about how terrible it was. 

 

To those of you feeling really bad right now, this is just a testament to how quickly things can change. And I didn’t do anything to make it happen, my brain has just healed some new areas and I am able to have some good moments.  As painful as waiting is, it is going to be worth it for you. Hugs!

[Rabe]

SO SO happy for you asn I read this Sheera!!  There is a peace about it that is truly lovely.  Being able to be in the moment sounds wonderful, especially with your family and the skating.  How nice for you to have such a day.  Hope things go well at work tomorrow! 💜

[Sheera]

Journal:

 

Yesterday at work was a good day. I had some epiphanies—my neuroemotions are a big factor in how I am feeling and my perception in how I’m feeling. I had not been at work the past few weeks and had some interactions with a few people that set off some intense feelings. I was very annoyed with some comments and took it personally. I had an emotional spiral all the way down to me being a bad teacher. Being a bad teacher must be a big fear of mine. Who knew??  So from now on, when I have those big feelings I am going to remember that they are just neuroemotions and wait. If I feel their intensity then next day or so, I will act. I need to give my brain time to sort out perception vs reality. I have never been one to get upset easily or let other people bother me so easily.  Even if I can’t initally control my reaction to something, I can at least allow myself to wait and see if it’s reality or not. My situation is not life or death. I can allow myself time to process. I need to give myself that grace right now. 

 

My daughter played in a very intense 6th grade bb game last night. The other parents were bad sports. I had a hugely inappropriate reaction to their behavior. I wanted to confront another mom. 😂. This is so not me. I am usually the peacekeeper with my husband the overreactor. My chest felt so tight and I was VERY anxious.  I got a terrible headache.   Usually when this has happened it sends me down a very long and hard to recover from spiral. Last night, after I came to my senses, thanked my husband for keeping me in check, and ate some dinner, I was able to calm down. I slept relatively well. This is improvement. I even thought in my mind—-what will make me feel better?  Instead of—this will last forever and ruin my weekend. It was a shift. ❤️

 

Things will get better. They have gotten better. 

[Rabe]

Hi Sheera...I am certain, from what I have heard, that you are a most special teacher loved by your students.  How lucky they are to have you there!

 

5 hours ago, Sheera said:

The other parents were bad sports. I had a hugely inappropriate reaction to their behavior. I wanted to confront another mom. 😂. This is so not me. I am usually the peacekeeper with my husband the overreactor.

Im think your feelings were appropriate..just not the restraint you usually have when your brain is working well.  It is pretty funny!  You were being a teacher to some naughty parents. 😃 You know...I think that for just a day it would be interesting if everyone had the emotions that we do...wow would that be an interesting phenomenon! 😳  People would actually say what they were feeling at the moment...whoa!!!! 😂

 

5 hours ago, Sheera said:

This is improvement. I even thought in my mind

It is so nice to feel that way isn't it Sheera?  That there IS some improvement?  I think you are a very lovely soul...you are honest, kind, and insightful.  And yes things have and will continue to get better!!! Love and hugs my friend!!💜

[Sheera]

Journal:  it is the night before going back to school from winter break and my anxiety is through the roof. We had a bb tourney today and both kids played. 4 total games. I think the sensory of the whistles and the stress of the games has left me exhausted. This is not helpful to my nervousness about the day tomorrow. My fears are not real. I love my colleagues and my students. We had a great last week before the holiday break. I have an easy day planned tomorrow to ease us back into a routine.  I am trembling on the inside for no reason. I am writing this down because it usually does help ease my symptoms to be looking at it from the outside.

 

I am afraid I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Sunday nights of sleep are hard. Then I am afraid I will be tired tomorrow and my day will be hard.  Sunday nights used to be great for sleep because I would go to bed early to get ready for the week. Now they are hard because the weekend is over and it’s hard to work and be in WD. I was wishing earlier that I could quit my job. I don’t think that would help me. I didn’t work these past few weeks and I didn’t feel great. I felt better but not great. WD will not go away if I quit my job. And I would miss out on the goodness I feel when helping a student or the relationships with my colleagues that boost my happiness. I would miss the laughs. 

 

I am tired of trying to sort out what is a real feeling and what is brought on by withdrawal. The other day I said I would wait to see if the issue still mattered the next day. I will do that now. I am going to do a devotion, watch a show, and do some deep breathing. I need to distract myself right now from the mess that is going on in my head. 

 

Maybe I will get a good night sleep. Maybe I will wake up ready for a good day. There’s always hope. 

[Rosetta]

Wishing you the best, Sheera.  I think you are right about about the ballgame.  It's tough to go to a place like that when your system is keyed up.  You are right about quitting your job, too, probably.  I think having that routine, social interaction and the need to get up and go out every day is important.  It's probably six of one half dozen of another -- quitting would bring on a host  of new problems - isolation, lack of routine, self worth issues.  I hope you sleep well. - Rosetta

[Rabe]

You know Sheera I think all you are feeling is ok...it is just ok.  You had a long day, 4 noisy stressful ball games is a lot on the best of days not in WD!!  Even with all that is going on in your head you are on top of it....you have sorted it all out and written down all your thoughts and feelings and the pros and cons...and you have your coping skills.   I believe you will wake up ready for the day and I hope it is a good day Sheera.  Your students will be happy to have you there, and a not too stressful day for them either, as you all ease back into routines.  Will be thinking about you so much!!!  Love and hugs to you my friend!!💜