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scallywag

How unfortunate that your doctor gave you more evidence not to trust his advice!  Or, maybe it's a good thing.

 

Glad you're noticing improvements, however slight.  Every step forward counts!


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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nicolantana

How do we feel about alcohol in all this....I occasionally have a couple of beers, and it seems the anhedonia intensifies in the following days...


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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scallywag

What's important is how your body feels about alcohol consumption; if you notice stronger symptoms for a few days after drinking, then it's probably not a good idea until you've put withdrawal behind you.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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nicolantana

Anymore theories on how long it might be until recovery? for a man on four powerful drug for 4/5 months and cold turkey/fast taper...

could it be years? three weeks without a good moment today....


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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nicolantana

Also, had an interesting if somewhat irresponsible experiment at the weekend.

 

Some people I know cannot comprehend the situation (naturally, it's a very unique experience)...so I told a relative get out his whiskey and I drank half a bottle of whiskey straight. I'm not even a drinker, ordinarily one beer would knock me........reaction to half a bottle of whiskey? nada. No change in mood or behaviour and no hangover. Needless to say, people then understood and were shocked by severity of the situation. A one off unhealthy choice that might set my brain back, but a worthwhile action to convey the condition to people.

 

off alcohol now until recovery


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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powerback

Also, had an interesting if somewhat irresponsible experiment at the weekend.

 

Some people I know cannot comprehend the situation (naturally, it's a very unique experience)...so I told a relative get out his whiskey and I drank half a bottle of whiskey straight. I'm not even a drinker, ordinarily one beer would knock me........reaction to half a bottle of whiskey? nada. No change in mood or behaviour and no hangover. Needless to say, people then understood and were shocked by severity of the situation. A one off unhealthy choice that might set my brain back, but a worthwhile action to convey the condition to people.

 

off alcohol now until recovery

 

Hi nicolantana ,I really feel your pain ,I am experiencing  deep crippling depression lately ,spent most of Easter in bed [everyday I at least walk].I'm off alcohol 2 years and its a big relief off my shoulders not worrying about the drama and hangovers. I think it best for recovery to stay away .

only in the last hour I have told a close friend how serious my depression is and he's compassion was really heart warming,  so people really do care even if they cant  comprehend the suffering .to be honest I think I was ignoring how serious it was myself ,I am trying to drop my ego and let more people in and respecting the fact for now I need support and help .

 

I wish I could tell u how long it will last ,id love to know myself but u are among and apart of  a great community of serious strong fighters .

I recommend reading the recovery stories ,filling the brain with positivity is a must  and I also watch comedy to get my brain in a different mindset

Keep strong and take care


Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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nicolantana

Anyone have a spare window??? haven't had on in about month so if you've got one to spare...


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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bhasski

I haven't have a single one yet... making me a long wait as if s1 is mocking u try hard .. u wait long.


08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda

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nicolantana

I'm waiting nearly a month bro. which probably isn't that long. I'm off everything four months now and I've had a few windows.

 

How about? how long are you clean? what are your main symptoms??


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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bhasski

I have been off since 13-14 months. Can't state that I have seen a window yet. I am living like stranger at my native.

 

I am still assuming it is withdrawal that have kept me aloof, anhedonic not that I am bipolar.

 

Though I have seen rare similarities 10 yrs ago where I felt strange when I came back home and forgotten lifestyle.... but then theres music , speech, memory , anger especially rage impairment weren't there. And ofcourse i could go out home.

 

But its a good sign that you are seeing windows... cheers


08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda

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nicolantana

oh it's May. I have just had my first full calendar month without a window! hooray! any rewards around here for endurance?


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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KarenB

Your chocolate fish is in the mail...How are things this last week?


2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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nicolantana

Ha cheers. Ah the same. Six weeks now of pure emptiness. I'm functional but empty. Like a robot


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Kiaza

Good that you are still able to function! Have you tried yoga or TRE movements to release the stress from your body? They could help you to feel something


Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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nicolantana

No, I do yoga normally, but not really at the moment. I just go for walks and this and that


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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raven530

I'm going to start yoga soon, anything that gets the brain more familiar with itself should be good


PSSD, Anhedonia, Loss of Imagination and creativity, physical pressure in head all from taking 50mg Sertraline for a month back in February 2015. Not seen much improvement (if any). Time of writing this signature - 01/02/2016 (UK date format)

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nicolantana

are  constant heavy heads/stuffed heads.headaches par for the course?


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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raven530

like a pressure? A feeling like the brain is a bit torn/numb, then yep, but I wouldn't describe mine like a headache


PSSD, Anhedonia, Loss of Imagination and creativity, physical pressure in head all from taking 50mg Sertraline for a month back in February 2015. Not seen much improvement (if any). Time of writing this signature - 01/02/2016 (UK date format)

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nicolantana

hmm..yeah it's hard to describe. I use the word headache but I know that's not right. pressure/heaviness is closer to the mark.


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Plshelp

just an update.....there's been quite a dissipation of my condition in recent weeks. It's still torture but there are clear signs of progress.

 

I was thinking today: my experience on the medication (5 months)....was hell itself, with no relief, Finished meds at Christmas.

January was 95% hell, February was 90% hell and March has been 80% hell. Obviously these are random figures, but you get the idea...there is improvement, however small.

 

I met the pdoc for last time today. I asked him why I was on two anti psychotics,,,response: seroquel is not an anti psychotic, it's an anti-depressant. SHOCKING.

I corrected him on this, but he still denied and said seroquel is an anti depressant. Anyone with half a brain, and the internet in front of them knows that Seroquel is an anti-psychotic.

 

I have been met at every stage with severe incompetence.

Nic,

 

How are you faring today? Any improvements?


Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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nicolantana

hey....I have had a horrendous couple of months really. 8 weeks without the hint of a window. just lifeless. 


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Kiaza

like a pressure? A feeling like the brain is a bit torn/numb, then yep, but I wouldn't describe mine like a headache

 

I have that too. It feels really weird. I have it in my frontal lobe.


Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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nicolantana

funny...you should mention frontal lobe. that's exactly where I have it. And I had the strangest sensations there recently.

 

on another note, I had a bit of a WINDOW ! three days ago. It was so surreal.

 

My brain switched on temporarily and I had an imagination. It was like I could suddenly paint pictures in my mind again ....so I just lied down and painted for hours, taking my mind to various aspect of my life and life in general....visualizing friends, visualizing nature, remembering stories, piecing together.....all normal stuff to a lay person....a SPECTACULAR experience for me...:)


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Kiaza

funny...you should mention frontal lobe. that's exactly where I have it. And I had the strangest sensations there recently.

 

on another note, I had a bit of a WINDOW ! three days ago. It was so surreal.

 

My brain switched on temporarily and I had an imagination. It was like I could suddenly paint pictures in my mind again ....so I just lied down and painted for hours, taking my mind to various aspect of my life and life in general....visualizing friends, visualizing nature, remembering stories, piecing together.....all normal stuff to a lay person....a SPECTACULAR experience for me...:)

If I exercise a lot I can have a window of imagination and some sense of myself. Otherwise I'm just blah. Sense of self is also somehow tied to my sexuality, it's the core of human psyche and also connected to creativity, at least with me.


Citalopram (Sepram): 2005 10mg, 2008 20mg, 2010 30mg, 2011 20mg, tapered 2012 for two months quit in August 2012, restarted Oct 2012 with 10mg, January 2013 20mg, February 2014 40mg, tapered in August 2014, quit in December 2014

Suprium: Oct 2012 50mg, cold turkey after one month, December 2015 50mg, quit March 2016

Xanax: Oct 2015 2mg used it when needed, quit November 2015

Opamox: January 2016 15mg 3x day, tapered in March 2016, quit April 2016

Tenox: 3 weeks in February 2016 cold turkey

Lyrica: One month in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Abilify: 2 weeks in Spring 2016 cold turkey

Mirtazapine: June 2016 - mid April 2017 cold turkey

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nicolantana

Hi.folks. one thing I haven't mentioned here are my eyes. I'm six months clean.now. but my eyes are still glassy and unnatural. Is this par for the course?


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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raven530

My eyesight actually got a bit worse soon after I stopped, put that down to bad luck. Also they've felt pretty empty since I quit, I don't get any strains in that region anymore, eyes never get tired, haven't noticed any visible changes


PSSD, Anhedonia, Loss of Imagination and creativity, physical pressure in head all from taking 50mg Sertraline for a month back in February 2015. Not seen much improvement (if any). Time of writing this signature - 01/02/2016 (UK date format)

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nicolantana

oh my days.....!!!!......dramatic improvement out of nowhere over the past five days. Wow. Really coming back to life. I sensed it sunday and now it's snowballing.

 

Not really a window, more like someone has SMASHED DOWN the whole wall and let me outside.

 

I went to the city yesterday and it was like Disneyland.

 

I'm just gonna surf it for now, I'll give a more detailed account shortly, see how it goes. It might be short lived, but it's a sure indicator of recovery.

 

peace


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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raven530

awesome dude!


PSSD, Anhedonia, Loss of Imagination and creativity, physical pressure in head all from taking 50mg Sertraline for a month back in February 2015. Not seen much improvement (if any). Time of writing this signature - 01/02/2016 (UK date format)

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nicolantana

It gets better by the hour. Providing this isn't a false dawn, this past week will go down as the most miraculous of my life.

 

The World is a dream and I am bursting with joy.


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Distraut

WOW!  What wonderful news!  I am hoping for a similar breakthrough for my son Akrontes.

 

A sudden breakthrough is what I am praying for.

 

Do hope this is going to last for you.  My thoughts are with you.


cannabis: Spring 2002 - Dec. 2007; regularly smoked, stopped cold turkey; symptoms: paranoid and depressed

Paroxetine: 20 mg July 2008, 40 mg October, 20 mg spring 2009, 0 mg summer 2009

Depakote (sodium valproate): October 2008 - Spring 2009

Haloperdidol 1 week Oct. 2008, H caused seizures, went to A&E;  stopped taking it.

Citalopram few weeks in the fall of 2009 to deal with withdrawal symptoms from stopping paroxetine

Paroxetine round 2: 20 mg Feb - summer 2010 -20mg don't remeber if I went up to 40mg

Venlafaxine & sodium valproate (again): Sep 2010 - Summer 2012  

SERTRALINE: November 2012 - May 2016 , 50-100mg (few days @ 150mg in Summer '15). a complete freak out at the end of April. 

May 2016 Prescribed Lithium and Abilify HAVE NOT TAKEN

No medications May 2016 - October 2016

Hospitalised - November 13th 2016 - Prescribed 15 mg Mirtazapine/Remeron. Reducing since 24 December 2016.  9 June 2017 medication free. 

 

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nicolantana

I continue to improve everyday. I'm embracing it but also staying grounded.

 

are there accounts of people feeling quite good all of a sudden before negative emotions return?

 

or maybe this is just me of two years ago, who was/is very happy,chilled positive..


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Bobo32

Hey nico How are you feeling ? How is your anhedonia and other symptoms ? Im four months off drugs still feeling brain fog memory problems pressure on head just like you. Does to get better with time ?

take care 


2004-2007 paxil

2015- zoloft 3 months zyprexa 3 months lexapro 3 months xanax

Med free since Feb 28th 2017

Mostly experiencing PSSD

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nicolantana

Hi Bobo, I'm starting to feel very well.

 

I was on four powerful meds together and had anhedonia for six months and then everything changed over night more or less.

 

The last 9 days, my sleep is deeper, my energy is much higher, I'm stronger, hungrier. headaches left overnight. emotions returned. I can feel nature, music, people and can go out and enjoy my day.

 

so it absolutely gets better with time. 

 

I'm only 9 days in , so I won't call it a success story yet, but I am certainly recovering


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Bobo32

How is your other symptoms nico ? Like memory, thinking?

have you had tinnitus? 

Those are my main problems now 4 months drug free 

good luck to you hope you keep improving 


2004-2007 paxil

2015- zoloft 3 months zyprexa 3 months lexapro 3 months xanax

Med free since Feb 28th 2017

Mostly experiencing PSSD

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nicolantana

everything improving by the hour bobo. memory is far from perfect but coming back.

 

My thinking is empty enough still.

 

but I feel good, I feel energetic. up until three weeks ago, three things were missing...energy, emotion, engagement

 

emotions is coming back bigtime energy is increasing every day....but still not much engagement

 

example: I still can't read much or watch movies really but the improvement every day is dramatic

 

 


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Savannah

Nicolantana, 

I was reading through your posts and I'm going through much the same thing, but I was just curious to know how are you feeling now since February, when you first posted.

Im 11 weeks into recovery/withdrawal and I feel woeful with anhedonia being the worst symptom of all...

thanks in advance....

Savannah...


Was on Escitolapram ( Lexepro) for 6 years from Mar 2011 to April 2017. 20mg a day.

I went off cold turkey as tapering wasn't an option as it had to be stopped immediately to prevent any further deterioration to my heart as I now have a Pacemaker fitted.

After 11 weeks of cold turkey and barely able to function, I was prescribed 50mg of Zooloft to help me stabilise and get back to normal as it was the least threatening AD to my heart condition.

Went to the doctor again and he put me back up to 100mg of Sertraline as he seemed to think 50mg was too low of a dosage.

I began to feel much better and was almost back to normal after 6 weeks. 

Reduced to 50mg of Sertraline after 10 weeks of 100mg when I was satisfied I had stabilized and felt so much better and back to normal.

On 50mg for five weeks now and so far so good. Side effects have lessened but notice a difference in outlook but still much much better than where i was during cold turkey when I was taking nothing at all.

Will stay on 50mg for another 12 weeks and then hope to go down to 25mg. 

 

 

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