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spokety
On 1/17/2018 at 6:10 PM, nicolantana said:

Spokety, with my situation and a lot of the people on this forum, time is the only answer

I was harmed by medication, and my brain is gradually healing....time is the only answer to reverse these effects

I understand that, but the problem for me is I always get hospitalized right when I'm starting to get my emotions back.

On 1/17/2018 at 6:23 PM, nicolantana said:

I should also add..the basics. Try to eat well, sleep well, minimise stress in your environment, analyse why you ended up in medication in the first place and have plans/coping strategies in place for when your emotions/personality return....

It's hard for me to sleep.  I've been sleeping at like 7 in the morning lately.  And there seems to be nothing I can do.  if I set my alarm to get up at around one so that I'm sleepy at night, I just turn off my alarm and go back to sleep again.  I don't even think about it it's just a natural reaction.

On 2/25/2018 at 1:02 PM, Rosetta said:

Hi Nicolanta,

 

I'm very sad to see what the psychiatrists did to you, but I'm happy that you are getting better so quickly.  I'm glad you told your story here as there are some doctors who read this forum.  Someday the truth will come out.  What you needed after the adverse reaction to Lexapro was rest, a safe place and someone to talk with NOT 4 new drugs.  

 

By listen to the Mods, I think Farout meant that they have seen so many cases of bad reactions and simple drugging, too, that when they tell you that you will get better, it's true.  They don't have time to say it more than once to each person, but this non-linear process of healing is so confusing and discouraging that we need to hear that repeated time and time again.  (We think of the Mods as knowing more than any other member, and we want to hear it from them time and again.  That's not possible as they are stretched thin here, and they are recovering from ADs and sometimes other psych drugs, too.)

 

Another thing the Mods say is to avoid new drugs, and there are a few exceptions to that.  You don't seem to be interested in asking a psychiatrist for advice again, and I don't blame you!  Many people get desperate and try a new psychiatrist who gives them new drugs.  The new drug destabilize the CNS more leading to more symptoms and a longer recovery time.

 

As for a strategy to deal because you were on psych drugs for several months, I agree that if the doctors had not given you more drugs you would have been better off.  Maybe you need to study CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) or take some magnesium or fish oil to help your system heal faster.

 

It's very hard to have patience when we feel our minds are changed and we don't like the change!  I'm in the same boat, but I'm getting better everyday after 14 years of ADs and a bad reaction to a high dose of Zoloft plus the addition of Trazodone when I had insomnia.  It's not the same situation as you are experiencing, but the results could very well be the same -- gradual healing over time.  If my anhedonia is very rare, I think yours will be too someday.

 

Peace,

Rosetta

Hi Rosetta, what does CNS stand for? Where can you buy fish oil and magnesium.  Why did you willingly take ADs for 14 years if you felt these symptoms? I stopped after a year and a half and even that was too long for me.

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nicolantana

Spokety, I am not the best person to advise you, I don'y know why you are hospitalized or struggling to sleep, maybe discuss with mods..


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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bhasski

Hi,

How are you doing now a days?

Anything thats helping you ..

 

I am suffering for quiet a long time with no positive emotion state.. I am more likely tensed in head to lau gh or smile - I cannot explain. 

I didnt write emotionless as I get angry with a snap.

 


08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda

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nicolantana

Hi bhasski,

 

I'm back to pure anhedonia, no emotion whatsoever. no positive day since mid march.  21months into this. maybe 10% of this time I get relief, 90% is hell.

 

But I'm patient and persevering.


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Rosetta

Hi Nicolantana,. 

 

I'm sorry that I didn't see your response until now.  CNS means central nervous system.

 

Why did I stay on the drugs for 14 years?  A very good question.  I didn't connect the side effects and the medicines.  My side effects slowly appeared and increased in intensity.  There were several that I did not know were associated with the drugs.  I believed I needed the drugs.  My husband couldn't convince me otherwise until I became extremely ill and disabled.  No doctor or nurse ever followed up or inquired about possible side effects.  There are probably other reasons.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling anhedonia.  I hope it stops soon.

 

Yours, Rosetta


https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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Rosetta

I don't know where in Ireland you can buy fish oil or magnesium, I'm sorry.


https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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powerback

Hi nicolanta ,if you go to a health store ,like holand and barrott or health matters they can advice you on supplements ,or you can Google foods that are rich in these vitimans .

Not sure if your up north or the republic,

You can Google health stores in your area .

Take care .


Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Altostrata

Hello, nicola. Have any symptoms gotten better in the last 6 months?

 

Please put more complete dates in your signature.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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nicolantana

No problem, I will do so. 

 

No improvement really. 90 % hell, 10% glorious windows is how I would break it down. In a three month wave just now.


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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nicolantana

remind me how to edit signature?


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Carmie

Hi nicolantana, 

 

How are you doing?💚


Been on antipsychotics, benzos, antidepressants and painkillers for chronic pain. 

Have been cold turkeyed and put on and off all sorts of things.  Was suicidal n ended up in a psych ward because I had akathisia from withdrawals. I can’t remember what I was put on but when I was released was in the same predicament with severe akathisia n was suicidal again.

Back to the psych ward and I was given a number of different drugs while there. Tapered off one when I got home n have been trying to taper off Seroquel since. It’s been years, tapering slowly but still having severe withdrawals.

I’ve  tapered from 300mg of Seroquel to 7.5mg./ March 10th 2019=7.25mg / 17th of April 2019= 7mg / June 5th=6.75mg/ July 14th=6.50mg/ 28th of August=6.25mg/ 10th of Oct= 6.20mg/ 21st October 6mg/ 16th of December 5.80mg/21st of January 5.60mg/

 

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. These are my own views based on what I’ve experienced myself.

 

 

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nicolantana

Greetings Carmie and fellow humans.

 

September 2018: an incredible two week window where things felt close to 'normal' and far removed from anhedonic hell

 

October, November, december: back to Anhedonic hell

 

Mid January 2019: dramatic wonderful window for over ten days. 

 

window has subsided somewhat but I still feel quite alive! nowhere near the norm just not quite as anhedonic. twinges of emotion, tears here and there, sleeping deeper, looking better etc.....

 

It has been  a positive 5/6 weeks,


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Glosmom

Hi Nick,

Just found your thread and enjoyed reading about your insight, patience and increasing amount of windows!!!  I wanted to say that i am very happy for you that you have had a positive 5 or 6 weeks!  I wish you continued healing and recovery.....

 

I was thinking of an analogy the other day that i imagined would fit for a comparison of someone who is tapering slowly off meds (which is painful and slow and unbelievably irritating and frustrating...don't mind me as I speak for myself and daughter :) ) versus someone who CT'd.  Not sure how old you are but 'back in the day' they used to use shoe horns to help folks slide into their stiff leather shoes.....  as a kid i never wanted to use one and told my mom that i could get my foot in my shoe stiff leather shoe just fine....as i stood up, jumped up and down, twisted my foot and ankle and shoved that dang foot in that shoe.....then my heel hurt a bit from all the wear and tear.  I was not patient enough to go search the house for the shoe horn, and then unlace my shoe wide enough for the shoe horn to fit in the back of my shoe so i could easily slide that foot in. ..once in.. the foot felt fine with no redness, burning or swelling.

 

Maybe CT versus taper is the same....it takes the same amount of time to get off the drug with a taper (shoe horn) as it does to shove it in a tight leather shoe without it (CT) but none the less folks are still stuck wearing tight and uncomfortable leather shoes (drug damage and all the life fallout from it).

 

May your recovery from these tight leather shoes lead to fast and comfortable sneakers real soon (I am hoping for the same for my shoehorn daughter)!!!!!!  Warmest Regards, Glosmom


2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

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Carmie

Hi Nicolatana, 

 

I was so happy to read about your increasing windows, it shows that your body is healing. Last year in June you said you were getting 90% waves and 10% windows. Things have certainly improved.

 

Could you put the actual year you tapered and come off your meds. We need more complete dates. Thanks. I’ll get ChessieCat to send you the link, I’m not computer savvy.  

 

Wishing you all the best in your continued recovery. Again, I’m very happy to see how far you’ve come.💚


Been on antipsychotics, benzos, antidepressants and painkillers for chronic pain. 

Have been cold turkeyed and put on and off all sorts of things.  Was suicidal n ended up in a psych ward because I had akathisia from withdrawals. I can’t remember what I was put on but when I was released was in the same predicament with severe akathisia n was suicidal again.

Back to the psych ward and I was given a number of different drugs while there. Tapered off one when I got home n have been trying to taper off Seroquel since. It’s been years, tapering slowly but still having severe withdrawals.

I’ve  tapered from 300mg of Seroquel to 7.5mg./ March 10th 2019=7.25mg / 17th of April 2019= 7mg / June 5th=6.75mg/ July 14th=6.50mg/ 28th of August=6.25mg/ 10th of Oct= 6.20mg/ 21st October 6mg/ 16th of December 5.80mg/21st of January 5.60mg/

 

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. These are my own views based on what I’ve experienced myself.

 

 

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ChessieCat

REMINDER TO SELF:

I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (caused muscle weakness), Zoloft/sertraline; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (mild Serotonin Toxicity)

Began tapering Oct 2015  Current from 17 Oct 2020:  Pristiq 0.56 mg (compounded + liquid)

My tapering program

My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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Shane88L

Ahh, that does show recovery! The increase in a good feeling state certainly shows it. Thank you also for leaving a message... I really appreciate it.

 

Shane.


Reason for Medication

Anxiety (money problems, future, lack of physical safety, dangerous environment) causing mild insomnia.

 

Summary    

2010 - Lexapro - (took one tablet (vomiting, tremors, high anxiety) stopped without any issues)

2013 - Cymbalta - (60mg daily for 7 months - cold turkey without any major issues aside from nausea/vomiting, "brain zaps" and dizziness)

2013 - Seroquel - (a low dose for roughly 1 month - weight gain of 20kg, cold turkey because of rapid weight gain without any issues)

2018 - September 4th - (Cymbalta 20mg for two days, stopped due to tremors & anxiety)

2018 - September 9th - (Olanzapine 2.5mg until October 3rd, then 5mg once, then back to 2.5mg once, then took random varying doses every day for a week from 2.5mg up to 5.0mg due to panic caused by the drug, then I attempted withdrawal Cold Turkey (recommenced at lower dose after 4 days of trying to withdraw Cold Turkey - I took 0.625mg every night until I finally successfully stopped cold turkey roughly one week later).

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frasier23
On 7/5/2017 at 4:17 PM, nicolantana said:

Well I had a massive mix of FOUR powerful psych meds. I was gearing up for two years. There's great hope for us all.

Did you have a dose of 20mg when having Olanzapine? For several months? Youre a rough dude

 


2015june psyc ward due to psychosis

10 days 10mg zyprexa. stopped cold turkey. side effects were blinking eyes, eyes shut down by themself when going to sleep, restless,hunger. I had natural sleep (6hrs) before zyprexa. Slept exact 8hours with zyprexa.

 

2015july one month after cold turkey(had own sleep during this time exact 8hours every night, felt like zyprexa sleep even though i didnt take it) I lost my sleep over a night and it never came back. 0hours for 7-10days before I had to reinstate zyprexa on 5mg first 2days 10mg 1week 5mg 1week and then stopped CT. maybe also had 7.5 and 2.5 some days dont remember.

 

2015sept/october 3weeks Nitrazepam 1w Theralen build of sleep

 

2016may psyc ward psychoziz. Trilafon injection Immovan 3weekz

 

2016june 1week theralen had some extra sleep but realised its just pushing problem forward i guess

 

2019 Ive now been medicine free for almost 2.5 years (I think last Trilafon injection was 2016 October) and still not fully recovered. I believe my overdose on Zyprexa (20mg + injection) did most damage. 

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nicolantana

ok folks, here it goes. Like many people who are getting better, I've stopped coming here as much.

 

I have a lot of good news I guess. reading over old posts and thinking of my early experiences, seems like an alternative life or a distant dream.

I am more connected, more alive.

 

Let me stress I am not recovered, but I'm certainly recovering. I've had more good moments this past 9 months than the whole of the previous 2.5 combined.

Hell, I've probably had more good moments the past three months than the previous three combined.

 

I am not recovered. I still have challenging days and challenging hours. I still feel somewhat anhedonic now and then and parts of me still feel missing, but the quality of my days has improved immensely. Simply put, i no longer feel like I am in hell.

 

one framing method I use is to say that if normal functioning has a scale of 1-100, I felt minus 50 for quite a time. early this year I felt like I had reached 0, I now say to people that I am at 25-30 per cent capacity, which is sooo wonderful. I have a hint of tears as I write this, which in itself was uncommon for me for the most part.

 

Getting a little more specific, after my January 19 window, the new baseline was different. I write alot. My writing became more fruitful, more energetic. The occasional beer I had began to have a little effect on me. My voice sounded brighter, my thinking became sharper, more dynamic, my sleep became deeper, my eyes became clearer, my skin became healthier, my days . There is movement and progression, and growth in my life.

 

More recently, since June 2019 has seen further progression and now a window feels like something that happens nearly every day, at least for a portion of day.

I began to laugh recently and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, I have maybe laughed out loud 10 times in past few months, which shows the horror of where I'm coming from, but also the changes taking place. My writing is developing. I am a performance poet, I have performed publicly multiple occasions recently which would have seemed impossible last year. I am able to engage in and focus on/process books, movies, conversation. Finished a big book earlier in the year for first time in 3 years or so and I've been reading more since. My appetite for bigger things is growing. I have been a reluctant peripheral figure in writing groups, I am now more central to their operation. I feel an interest in women, a desire to go on dates and last week for the first time I considered a return to parttime work.

That's a flavour of where I'm at. I'm by no means recovered and perhaps more waves are coming to slam me, but things are certainly looking up and I have felt somewhat alive since January this year.

Perhaps this deserves a sun symbol, I'm not sure.

 

Much love,

Nicholas

 

 


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Altostrata

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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nicolantana

Thank you Altostrata. This site helped me so much int he earlier days, and I'll never forget. I hope it continues to thrive and support people.


late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Altostrata

Thanks so much for letting us know of your improvement.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Shane88L

Very happy to hear of your improvement! 😃


Reason for Medication

Anxiety (money problems, future, lack of physical safety, dangerous environment) causing mild insomnia.

 

Summary    

2010 - Lexapro - (took one tablet (vomiting, tremors, high anxiety) stopped without any issues)

2013 - Cymbalta - (60mg daily for 7 months - cold turkey without any major issues aside from nausea/vomiting, "brain zaps" and dizziness)

2013 - Seroquel - (a low dose for roughly 1 month - weight gain of 20kg, cold turkey because of rapid weight gain without any issues)

2018 - September 4th - (Cymbalta 20mg for two days, stopped due to tremors & anxiety)

2018 - September 9th - (Olanzapine 2.5mg until October 3rd, then 5mg once, then back to 2.5mg once, then took random varying doses every day for a week from 2.5mg up to 5.0mg due to panic caused by the drug, then I attempted withdrawal Cold Turkey (recommenced at lower dose after 4 days of trying to withdraw Cold Turkey - I took 0.625mg every night until I finally successfully stopped cold turkey roughly one week later).

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Glosmom

So happy for you, Nicholas! Thank you for coming back and sharing such an uplifting update.  Best wishes to you! Glosmom


2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

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Rozon1

@nicolantana how do you feel today?!


Example:

2018 - Started Effexor 37.5 in Janurary of 2018
2019 January, 2nd  - Cold Turkeyed from Effexor for 3 days. Reinstated on the third day, then stabilized(It took 3 months to stabilize)

2019 June - I switched from Effexor instant release to Extended Release 37.5 for better tapering. I tapered to 50% in 4 weeks before reinstating my dosage back to 37.5(due to withdrawls). I waited 2 months to stabilize but never did at 37.5

2019 September - continued to taper in to 25% on extended release

2019 October - continued to taper to half of the beads(18.75mg)... WIthdrawls were so bad I tried switching back to the instant release at the same dosage(18.75mg)

2019 November 28th - Discontinued effexor at 18.75 without anymore tapering.

 

2020 January - Just can't sleep, have constipation, low libido and still lack of full emotion

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vaibhav

@nicolantana

Hows your improvement regarding anhedonia? i am suffering from that condition  since long but got better somewhat , still not recovered completely....

 


June 2019 to July 2019= amytriptyline(12.5mg)+chlordiazepoxide (tricyclic -TCA ) and Fluoxetine (SSRI)  and bio-homin ls (nerve healer and for numbing  )

August 2019 to November 2019 with increase in dosage = Escitalopram-ssri-20mg/day  and betacap 20.

                                                                I had told doc , anhedonia and anger increasing , so he changed drugs

December 19 to Jan 2020. = Duloxetin 20(snri) , (buproprion 150 ), betacap 20 beta blockers  

Feb 2020  - Marc 2020 =Duloxetin 30(snri) , (buproprion 150 ), betacap 20

 Tapered drugs over 1 month period .

April 2020 - May 2020= agomelatine (25mg )

May 2020 to June 2020 = Pramipexole 0.25mg.

Now stopped completely SNRI and Buproprion since march 22 2020.

ANHEDONIA NOW , is only problem , with little heavyness i head like wall of numbness.

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cleopatra

@nicolantana

Hi,

I am curious to know how your symptoms, especially anhedonia, changed throughout this year. Please consider writing an update ☀️


2nd of April 2020 - 7th of April 2020 Sertraline 50 mg (adverse reaction).

 

2nd of August 2020 Omega 3 fish oil 1000mg (currently on).

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