Nena59: A long wave

[Nena59]

Hi All,

I will go by Nena. I'm a 58 year old mother who has been off Prozac and Welbutrin for six months after taking it for almost 20 years. I quit twice and always went back on right about now...at six months. Then I thought I was getting symptoms back, I knew nothing of withdrawal!!!!! I quit this time, six months ago, because I realized that my migraines were getting worse(at least 2 a week) and the medicine I was taking to stop the migraine had too many side effects. A light-bulb went off when I realized that bad headaches and taking Prozac happened at the same time...1996. I've always had headaches, but never so debilitating as those that started in 1996.

 

I am so thankful for this site. It has kept me going through some really bad times. You have given me inspiration and courage.I have been reading it on and off for about five months and thought it was time to introduce myself.

 

I try to do everything right. My diet is great....almost no sugar, wheat, caffeine, dairy. I exercise a lot, daily...mainly walking and occasional yoga, but I've added running and weight training. I have weekly acupuncture and biweekly counseling sessions (although I'm not convinced she believes in withdrawal).  I try to get 8 hours of sleep. I take magnesium, fish oil, vitamin D and B 12. I try to keep stress low, but I have five kids, one still at home and aging parents and in-laws. I have a loving, supportive husband.

 

I get so discouraged sometimes. At times have no desire to do anything. Nothing makes me happy or excited. I have to push myself to take a shower. I find it hard to even talk to people. I don't want to talk to people. My husband is so supportive and agreeable and I get so snippy with him sometimes. I have always been a busy productive person, not now! I know I need to plan to do things and get out, but I'm afraid that I will feel bad and it will be so hard. When I do have things planned I get stressed and upset before they happen. I do have windows, but it has been awhile. I was doing well, I had almost daily windows of a couple hours. About three weeks ago a veil covered me and windows just don't happen. I'm better than I was four months ago, but so much progress is lost! I need to have a window! What do I do now? I am not going back on Prozac! I think that this is still withdrawal...I have brain zaps, tingling in my legs and arms, low energy, anhedonia, weight loss, sleeplessness. What do I do now?

 

[AliG]

Hi Nena.  I'm sorry you're going through a wave right now but it sounds like you have had at least some windows in the past 6 months which is a positive sign . This is the pattern in withdrawal and to be expected at this stage. It doesn't make it any easier but at least it may be helpful to know that it's normal in withdrawal.

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

I was like you and always went back on the A/D's at around the 6 - 9 month mark. It was only when I found SA and realized that I was actually in withdrawal all those previous times that I persevered this time through the symptoms of my last and final withdrawal.

 

Could you please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature  - All drugs /dates /dosages so that we can see your situation easily whenever you post. This link will explain how to do that.

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

You seem to be doing well with your diet and lifestyle which is key in the recovery process.This topic may give you some more ideas and may help with some of your ongoing symptoms.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

You are already taking magnesium and fish oil which we recommend and hopefully they are helping you in your recovery.

 

Reinstatement is an option but after 6 months it can be tenuous and may not necessarily be successful. I'm not sure if that is something you are considering but it may pay to at least read through the topic. You can let us know your thoughts on this. 

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Most of the symptoms you are experiencing are common in withdrawal. This link gives a full list :

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

These topics are helpul in understanding the recovery process :

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery/

Brain Remodelling

 

Sleeplessness is unfortunately all too common also. This discussion on the topic has some good ideas and possible solutions.

Tips to help sleep -- so many of us have withdrawal insomnia

 

Many find melatonin to be helpful for regulating the sleep cycle.

Melatonin for sleep

 

This thread can be your journal to record your progress and ask more questions. Please have a read through the information and come back with any questions or concerns you may have.

 

Welcome to SA.

Ali

[Nena59]

Thanks Ali,

I've read your information. It is very much appreciated. I know there are people who are so much worse than I am, but I sometimes get so discouraged knowing that I will be hurting for so long. I know that patience is what I need.

[Petunia]

Welcome Nena,

 

I'm sorry you are in this situation of needing this kind of support, but so glad you found us. I too was taking antidepressants for a long time, stopped and without realizing, went into protracted withdrawal. This site and the information here was a life saver for me. Not only for helping me learn what was actually happening, but for giving me the support I needed to endure the long recovery process and stay away from the drugs which were actually the cause of my declining health and increasing symptoms.

 

I can't improve on the information AliG gave you, but wondered how you stopped taking fluoxetine last September. Did you taper at all? Please would you add this to your signature so we have a clear understanding of your situation.

[AliG]

Nena . How are you going ?  Yes - Petu's questions are very relevant to your situation. Could you perhaps add that to your signature ?  Did you taper Fluoxetine and if so - how ?

 

In answer to your question  - what do I do now ?  You can just keep going- doing the best you can to get through this. There is still the question of reinstating if you are interested . Sometimes it can be successful and other times - not . It's not normally recommended this far out but having said that some have been successful. 

 

The links are above if you want to re- read through them.

 

What are your thoughts in regard to this?

Ali

[Nena59]

Hi Ali,

I'm a bit scared to go back on anything. I feel like some progress may be lost. I wish I had known about the really slow taper, although the main reason that I went off prozac and welbutrin was because they were causing debilitating migraines. The sumatriptans  I took to relieve the migraines had increasingly bad side effects. I realized migraines got bad when I started anti-depressants. My headaches are better. Yes, headaches, not migraines! I have to be thankful for that, but it's hard when I feel no joy!

 

I am coming out of a pretty bad wave. The last couple of days I have a bit of a window at the end of the day. Recently, I did some traveling and had dental work that required Novocaine, can that bring waves on? 

[brassmonkey]

Hi Nena-- I see your question on my intro thread "Tao of the Brassmonkey", but really need some more information before I can say too much.  It looks like you haven't updated your intro thread in about two years, Would you please bring us up to date.

[Nena59]

 

I have been completely off Prozac and bupropion since October 1, 2016 after taking them for 20 years. I have gotten a lot better in many ways.  I don't have body aches or anxiety attacks. I'm not as anxious when my husband leaves for a few days, leaving me alone at home ( I used to love an empty house 😞 ). My brain zaps are milder and less frequent. 

I have a very clean diet, try to get plenty of sleep and exercise daily, mainly walking. I am more fit at 60 than I was in my 20's. I meditate and "pray" almost every morning. I take the important supplements. I really do everything right, except for the gluten free, non-chocolate sweets treats that I allow myself occasionally.

My husband is awesome...very patient...my rock. My children are also supportive, I have a great family.Many of my friends understand and listen to my woes occasionally. I even have a friend that tapered from ad years ago on her own. She suffered for a few years...she is great to talk to. I wish I met her before I went cold-turkey. 

I suffer from migraines a couple times a month so diet, exercise and sleep are very important. The headaches certainly don't help with this withdrawal.

My father passed last year and my mother had successful lung cancer surgery a few months later. These events and my changing role as daughter certainly slowed my healing. I'm still grieving and learning.

 

My biggest concern is that I will never get better. I have little joy. Most days I feel better in the evening. My days of feeling depressed are very long. The good and bad used to be more distinct, it's all a bit dulled now. No strong windows or waves.

I don't work and so a lot of things that I should be doing get put off for lack of desire. I don't want to do the things that I loved to do before wd...really don't want to do anything. I walk instead or read. Then I push myself to finish things that I have started. I have such an awesome life on the outside, but my inside life is painful. People really don't know. I guess they just think of me as quiet and uninteresting.

I had a couple of window days last week...windows in that most of the day I felt good with occasional jabs of sadness. I hiked up a hill for 2.5 miles, quickly. I felt GREAT! My body felt that good pull that you feel with exercise. I realized I hadn't felt that in years! It was one time, now gone. 

 

I used to be more hopeful. I am just so tired of pushing and not just being able to enjoy my life.

 

[Gridley]

2 hours ago, Nena59 said:

My biggest concern is that I will never get better.

 

Nena, it sounds as if you're doing very well, all things considered. It takes a long time for many (I would say most) of us to recover, and your improvement in symptoms is very encouraging.  From what you've written, especially about the windows, it seems very clear that your brain is doing what it does so well, healing.  The dullness, depression, apathy and general blah-ness are very normal.  (By the way, just my personal opinion, but I'm not convinced that gluten is bad unless you have celiac disease.  Your call.)

 

The following link deals with how  long it takes to heal.  Some of the information might be upsetting but the overall message contains great hope.  The first link is most germane to your situation but many of the other links may be helpful also..

 

HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?

• How Long Is Withdrawal Going to Take? (this post - see below)
• How Long, the Bottom Line
• Indirect Factors That Influence ADWD
• Is It Really Withdrawal?
• Stability
• But I only took it for a Week
• Tachyphylaxis or As It’s Lovingly Known “Poopout”
• CT and Fast Tapers
• Reinstatement
• Drug Interactions
• WDnormal (withdrawal normal)
• It doesn’t end at “0”
• Things to do Along the Way
• So, When Will We Get There?

 

Edited May 25, 2019 by Gridley

[Nena59]

Thanks Gridley,

I appreciate your reply. I  know rationally that I am in withdrawal but my dern ruminations and most of the world think this is a condition that could be cured with drugs.

My mom just started an antidepressant with my sister's insistence. My dad, her husband of 63 years just died last year! That fact, not to mention all I have been through makes my head spin. I guess we all know what they think of all my suffering😬.

I wish I could find a decent counselor, but I have really just given up, they make me feel worse. The last two, after quizzing me on what I do to help myself, suggested Trans cranial magnetic stimulation. When you have done all that you can, won't take drugs...zap your head! I guess that answered my question about what they think about PAWS.

Anyway, I guess I just need reassurance sometimes. Your reply made me feel better. I read all the extra information you sent and it helped a bunch. I get stuck on the fact that my waves and windows aren't very distinct. I need to focus more on my changing baseline. That was a great insight. Someday I will be reassuring somebody, I just have to relax about it until then.

On 5/24/2019 at 4:59 PM, Gridley said:

(By the way, just my personal opinion, but I'm not convinced that gluten is bad unless you have celiac disease.  Your call.)

I do gluten free for my migraines. I will sometime soon experiment a bit with it, I'm just hesitant because it just might bring on a migraine which really hurts! 

[Tweet]

Hi Nena. 

Sorry for your continued suffering after 3 years.

I was on prozac for over 20 years and am 58.

Did your hair fall out like mine is? 

Has it stopped?

I am just past the one year point. 

Do you have any wisdom or advice to share?

Thanks

 

[Nena59]

Hi Tweet,

I did not have any hair loss. I have been getting better very slowly. I guess my best advice is to just hang in there. Relax and give in to the symptoms. I try to distract myself as much as possible because I tend to dwell on bad thoughts about how I feel. I walk a lot and listen to books on tape or pod casts. I read success stories. I try to remember that all this pain is okay because the whole time my brain is healing. I've given up on a trying to force myself to do things that I used to love...it will wait! I will get better!

I'm so sorry for your pain, but you are not alone and we will get better!

[Vasherr]

Hi @Nena59, 

 

how are You doing lately?

Please let us know if everything is going fine in Your life!

 

Wishing You a lifelong window!

V.