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gardenlady

gardenlady

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gardenlady

I'm not able to communicate with a psychiatrist.  Their offices tell me that they have a six month waiting period for an appointment and I can't get to them ahead of time to ask if they are knowledgeable about cross tapering.  It's impossible to talk to a psychiatrist before making an appointment and that's a prolonged process.  

 

 

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Benzhelp

Hi Gardenlady, 

 

Hope you find solutions to your Tapering issues. Take good care <3 Love and Healing to you <3

 

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gardenlady

Thanks, but unfortunately, I'm not finding solutions to my tapering issues.  I can't find a doctor who can help me and the mods here just keep referring me back to my doctor.  So, I'm at a dead-end.  

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composter

Hey there, I love to garden myself. Hope you've been able to find time with plants lately. Sorry to hear about your ongoing difficulties. 

 

Have you checked the Mad in America directory to find psychiatrists or other resources in your area who can help you out?

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/provider-directory/

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gardenlady
10 minutes ago, composter said:

Hey there, I love to garden myself. Hope you've been able to find time with plants lately. Sorry to hear about your ongoing difficulties. 

 

Have you checked the Mad in America directory to find psychiatrists or other resources in your area who can help you out?

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/provider-directory/

Thanks, composter, for your reply.  There are no psychiatrists in my area who can help, according to this directory.  

 

The "garden" in my name refers to my former street name, not gardening.  Unfortunately, I've never been interested in horticulture. 

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Songbird
3 hours ago, gardenlady said:

The "garden" in my name refers to my former street name, not gardening.  Unfortunately, I've never been interested in horticulture. 

 

Oh - I was imagining you in your garden surrounded by flowers!

 

I have a few questions - are you taking your duloxetine only once per day?  Is it an extended release or delayed release formula? 

 

It would be helpful if you could keep daily notes about your symptoms and post them here.  Here's an example (note this is a made up example):

 

23 June

7 a.m. woke up, anxiety 3/10

8 a.m. ate breakfast, took 20mg Prozac tablet

10 a.m. anxiety 7/10, nausea 3/10

12 p.m. ate lunch, anxiety 5/10, nausea 1/10

2 p.m. anxiety 4/10, nausea 2/10

6 p.m. ate dinner, took magnesium tablet 200mg, anxiety 2/10, no nausea

8 p.m. anxiety 1/10

11 p.m. went to bed, anxiety 2/10, difficulty falling asleep for 2 hours

4 a.m. woke up, no anxiety, went back to sleep for 3 hours

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gardenlady

All duloxetine (Cymbalta) is delayed release. 

 

Here are notes from yesterday which is typical of each day.  There is no variation of symptoms throughout the day.

 

December 2

9:30 am - Woke up and took Synthroid.  Extremely anxious and depressed.  Involuntary pursed lip breathing. Terrible thoughts of damnation & eternal separation from God. Crying.  Resumed sleep, off and on.

1:15 pm - Woke up and took duloxetine & Calcium/magnesium/zinc & vitamin D.  Horrible dread and doom; same thoughts of hell and damnation. Crying. Involuntary pursed lip breathing.

2:30 pm - Got up and had a small meal.  Took fish oil.  Dread, doom and damnation.  Life is ruined. Involuntary pursed lip breathing.

7 pm - Ate dinner.  Involuntary pursed lip breathing all day. Same dread and doom and hopelessness. Crying.

11 pm - Took calcium/magnesium/zinc, estradiol & progesterone (hormone replacement therapy).  Dread, doom, damnation & hopelessness. Involuntary pursed lip breathing. Crying.

1:30 am - Still awake.  Involuntary pursed lip breathing. Same dread, damnation, doom and hopelessness

 

I usually don't fall asleep till between 4 am and 8 am.   I sleep only in 2 - 3 hr intervals usually between 8 am and 3 pm.  Total sleep is about 5 - 6 hrs with much of that time spent lying in bed awake and in deep depression and terror.  The involuntary pursed lip breathing is present 24/7 except when sleeping.  It resumes the minute I wake up. 

 

The dread, doom, depression, suicidal thoughts, eternal damnation are the same throughout the day all day every day.  There is no deviation from this state and therefore no changing "daily pattern of symptoms."   

 

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Dejavu

Gardenlady, with regard to the Mad In America list of providers, there are none in my city either, but I did find one in my state (Texas) whose website states he does phone or skype sessions. I plan to contact him tomorrow. Perhaps that is something that would be an option for you. Prayers and healing energy headed your way from Texas.

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gardenlady

Dejavu, I'm glad you've had more success than I in possibly finding an AD taper-savvy doctor.  There apparently isn't one anywhere near me.  Thank you for your kind thoughts and sentiments.  I send healing wishes to you!

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Songbird
3 hours ago, gardenlady said:

Here are notes from yesterday which is typical of each day.  There is no variation of symptoms throughout the day.

 

Thanks for posting the notes.  I guess unchanging symptoms throughout the day is still a pattern of sorts.

 

It looks like you successfully tapered Cymbalta from 60mg all the way down to 24mg.  Have your symptoms been the same throughout the whole taper, or did they get worse at some point?  Or just gradually worse with each drop?  Sorry if you've answered about this before, I'm just trying to get a feel for the big picture.  I'm just wondering why you feel you are not able to continue with your Cymbalta taper and need to do a switch?

 

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gardenlady

Well, I’m non-functional, can’t relate to others so I’m isolated.  I have feelings of doom, death, damnation, everlasting hell, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness & despair.  Isn’t that enough to warrant consideration of a bridge?

 

It gets worse the lower in dosage I go.  If I hold, the death feelings all come back when I make the next tiny cut.

 

Doctors are clueless when it comes to tapering, so isn’t that why we’re all here?  Because we can’t get help from a doctor?

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powerback
1 hour ago, gardenlady said:

Well, I’m non-functional, can’t relate to others so I’m isolated.  I have feelings of doom, death, damnation, everlasting hell, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness & despair.  Isn’t that enough to warrant consideration of a bridge?

 

It gets worse the lower in dosage I go.  If I hold, the death feelings all come back when I make the next tiny cut.

 

Doctors are clueless when it comes to tapering, so isn’t that why we’re all here?  Because we can’t get help from a doctor?

Hi Garden lm in a similar situation with a bridge ,im very close to trying it out of survival and desperation .

Today is one of them days of all consuming burning hell for me .I see you live alone ,going through this torture and being alone can be a good thing ,from my perspective anyway because of my irritation and the politics of living with others ,I hide my torture well but every now and then I want to scream out of frustration ,I cant because I have to think of others .

Next week I have found a house to stay in for 5 weeks and I'm hopeful some peace can help me with the bridge  .

2 years at this and the last 6 months it got far worse so I need to give up the ghost and take a very dodgy gamble .

Take care and be well ,your far from alone in this torture .

🙏.

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gardenlady

PB, Reading between the lines, it sounds as if you have a husband and/or children but are taking a break from them for 5 weeks and going to live alone.  Is that correct?  Count your blessings if you do have a family....I don't and have gone though life alone and that's something NO one should have to do.  It's no way to live, especially at my age of 66.  The cumulative effect of a lifetime of solitude and loneliness does something to the brain and that's without psych drugs.  Add them into the equation and it's a nightmare too awful to describe.  Actually, when I was in my late 30s, I was sad because I was still single and a doctor put me on an AD because of that.  What an idiotic reason to prescribe a mind-altering, brain-injuring drug. 

 

I'm sorry to be so negative, but these drugs have made me unrecognizable even to myself.  The bitterness and hatred I feel for myself, my life and others is shameful. I keep hoping that perhaps I'll turn around as I get lower in dose, but the opposite happens.  No amount of non-drug coping techniques, positive self-talk or affirmations have any effect at all.  I'm in a downward spiral that terrifies me.

 

I'm sorry that you're in the same boat as I am.  Please accept my sympathy.  

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Songbird
15 hours ago, gardenlady said:

Well, I’m non-functional, can’t relate to others so I’m isolated.  I have feelings of doom, death, damnation, everlasting hell, suicidal thoughts, hopelessness & despair.  Isn’t that enough to warrant consideration of a bridge?

 

It gets worse the lower in dosage I go.  If I hold, the death feelings all come back when I make the next tiny cut.

 

 

Have you been making tiny cut?  From your signature they look more than 10%.

Did the symptoms go away when you held?  How long have you held for? 

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Leo1983

Hi

 

Hope your feeling better.

 

Here is my benzo history:

May 2014-Tapered off of 2 mgs K via 6 wk fast taper

Protracted acute withdrawal for 7 months. 
10 month window
Protracted withdrawal reappeared as PTSD with akathisia after personal trauma in March 2016. 
 
You say protracted withdrawal 7 months then a 10 month window.... then withdrawal reappeared as PTSD and Akathisia after trauma. 
 
Is this likely to be withdrawal returning or a new episode of illness due to the trauma? 
 
Its juat i have not heard of this before. Can WD return after 10 month of feeling well. 
 
Good luck 
 
Leo

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gardenlady
9 hours ago, Songbird said:

 

Have you been making tiny cut?  From your signature they look more than 10%.

Did the symptoms go away when you held?  How long have you held for? 

No, I am definitely not cutting more than 10% per month.  I was cutting 2.5% every 7 to 10 days and now cannot even do that.   I held once for a year and still had symptoms.  Even if I hold for months, I don't stabilize (the symptoms get somewhat less but don't go away) and then when I make even a 1% cut I'm back to square one with suicidal thoughts and doom/dread/depression symptoms.  The drug is making me sick and tapering it is worse.  I'm in an impossible situation. 

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Songbird

It's definitely a difficult situation.  It looks like there may be some information missing from your signature - did you do dose drops in June, August, and November?  I also can't see where you've tried a long hold since finishing your benzo taper.  It's also possible that some of your symptoms may be benzo-withdrawal related.

 

We usually suggest tapering the drug you're currently on, but it sounds like you feel that bridging to Prozac is the best option for you.  It is somewhat of a gamble - we've seen it work for some people and not for others.  On the previous page Alto provided a lot of information about bridging methods if you decide to try it.

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gardenlady
5 hours ago, Songbird said:

  It looks like there may be some information missing from your signature - did you do dose drops in June, August, and November? 

I've done micro drops weekly since May 2018 holding for a week or two at intervals in keeping with Brassmonkey's recommended Slide taper method.  I just don't record each drop as there are too many, so I record my dose at the end of every few months to give an overall status and pace. 

 

I've read throughly all of the info that Alto provided as well as all the links.

 

I don't know what the best option for me is, only that my current situation tapering Cymbalta is untenable.   

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Songbird
6 hours ago, gardenlady said:

I've done micro drops weekly since May 2018 holding for a week or two at intervals in keeping with Brassmonkey's recommended Slide taper method.  I just don't record each drop as there are too many, so I record my dose at the end of every few months to give an overall status and pace. 

 

Okay, that makes sense - thanks for including that info in your signature.

 

 

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gardenlady

Is there a moderator who can help me know what to do?   I am out of luck with doctors as I am unable to find an AD-tapering-wise one, so I need help from this site on knowing if I should bridge to Prozac and, if so, how to do it.

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Songbird

We can't tell you what to do, we can only provide the best information we have so that you can make an informed decision.  One option is to do a good long hold to give your system a chance to settle after all the changes, then recommence your taper much more slowly.  A bridge is another option - Alto posted information on how to do it (on the previous page) - but as we've said, we can't predict how well it will work.

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Keri

Garden lady, did you make the jump?  Did it work?

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Keri

I am at 9mg of cymbalta and considering adding in 5mg of Prozac while I taper the rest.  I’ve been on cymbalta 15yrs.  I’m miserable with the tapering.  

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gardenlady

I'm too terrified to bridge to Prozac as I live alone and am afraid that cutting the Cymbalta even after being on the Prozac will cause me to become psychotic and suicidal.  I get such horrific symptoms even after only a small Cymbalta cut that I'm scared the Prozac won't be enough to blunt the Cymbalta withdrawal symptoms.  I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  It's an impossible situation. 

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