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Alice1

Alice1: Lexapro withdrawal

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bubble

Hello Alice. Been reading through your thread and your contributions to Waiting and fully agree with GIWM. I like your attitude and the way you manage this challenging path.

 

I particularly like the idea of learning how to live while being sick. Because we are in for a long ride. But we know we are heading in the right direction and the company of fellow travellers (sufferers) is making this whole journey a lot more bearable. Keep us posted.

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musk

Hello Alice, thanks for writing me in my post while you are going through a very tough situation.

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Alice1
On ‎9‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 7:43 AM, Godiswithme said:

Hello Alice1. I just read your entire thread. The terror and extreme anxiety you describe are the same as what I experienced during the four months I was off of Lexapro. I was on 30mg for 2 years along 2 mg of Abilify ugh! for 8 mos. I C/T’d both. I slowly reinstated 15mg of Lexapro 4 months later because I felt my life was in danger. 

You are SO Strong! I am filled with admiration for you! Please, please update us with your progress!

Thank You for your kind words Godiswithme , I believe we are all strong . Keep going , keep in touch ..

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Alice1
On ‎9‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 12:08 PM, bubble said:

Hello Alice. Been reading through your thread and your contributions to Waiting and fully agree with GIWM. I like your attitude and the way you manage this challenging path.

 

I particularly like the idea of learning how to live while being sick. Because we are in for a long ride. But we know we are heading in the right direction and the company of fellow travellers (sufferers) is making this whole journey a lot more bearable. Keep us posted.

Thank you Bubbles . We are in for a long ride. A long bumpy ride , but as long as we go forward, we'll get to where we need to be .. See you there ..

 

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Alice1
On ‎9‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 8:25 AM, musk said:

Hello Alice, thanks for writing me in my post while you are going through a very tough situation.

You are welcome Musk. We are all in this together ..

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Alice1
On ‎8‎/‎24‎/‎2017 at 3:11 AM, LexAnger said:

Hi Alice, just want to assure you that you are not alone with the strange head sensation! I had all kinds of strange, very unpleasant head sensation including pressure which is the least strange one to me, as others like brain spasm, twist, tingling, numb, stoned, sandy, flowing, fireworks, and more. I read others having the strange head sensation are most lex users. One day Last year I had a loud gun shot in my head immediately followed by an huge explosion - the most terrifying experience of all.

 

Hi Lex , Yes , Great description of head symptoms compliments of Lexapro .. I'll add one more . The feeling you get when someone scratches their fingernails on a chalkboard X1000 right between the ears ..  Hope you are recovering from the MSG and Aspartame and back to baseline .. If anyone deserves a window it is you my friend..

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Blondiee1915

Hi Alice1, 

 

I just read your two year update and wanted to congratulate you on staying strong and determined and continuing to move forward no matter what.  It is great to hear that you have windows, I think it is a sign of healing and improvement for sure.  I am sorry about the anxiety and the symptoms morphing.  I am in the same boat.  One week I am experiencing such intense detachment and this gloomy feeling that I don't think I can make it through the day and want to run home; and a week later I am feeling a bit more motivated and not as detached.  And just recently I started getting tingling feelings in my legs and buttocks.  I am not sure what this is all about, it feels like a nerve pain.  But I am like you just trying to accept it and more forward. 

 

I think in this long journey it is only natural to get discouraged and upset and frustrated.  But we have to remain positive and optimistic and just continue to live our life the best we can given current circumstances.  I get a feeling you are doing just that even when your symptoms are stronger in intensity.  The fact that you work every day and spend time with your daughter is an evidence of that.  I do believe you will only continue to improve.  It seems that the recovery is not linear at least based on my symptoms and from what I have seen here.  But I do believe that we will get there.  And hopefully it will not take us 5 - 10 years.  

 

Have a good week 

 

B

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Alice1
3 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I just read your two year update and wanted to congratulate you on staying strong and determined and continuing to move forward no matter what.  It is great to hear that you have windows, I think it is a sign of healing and improvement for sure.  I am sorry about the anxiety and the symptoms morphing.  I am in the same boat.  One week I am experiencing such intense detachment and this gloomy feeling that I don't think I can make it through the day and want to run home; and a week later I am feeling a bit more motivated and not as detached.  And just recently I started getting tingling feelings in my legs and buttocks.  I am not sure what this is all about, it feels like a nerve pain.  But I am like you just trying to accept it and more forward. 

 

I think in this long journey it is only natural to get discouraged and upset and frustrated.  But we have to remain positive and optimistic and just continue to live our life the best we can given current circumstances.  I get a feeling you are doing just that even when your symptoms are stronger in intensity.  The fact that you work every day and spend time with your daughter is an evidence of that.  I do believe you will only continue to improve.  It seems that the recovery is not linear at least based on my symptoms and from what I have seen here.  But I do believe that we will get there.  And hopefully it will not take us 5 - 10 years.  

 

Hey Blondiee ,

Thank you for visiting me . I recently read your update last week , and was pleased that you're still pushing forward as well . Yeah, I believe we will both get there, but without becoming too impatient I really need this Akathisia to ease up a little. I've CT'd  a strong AD , and I know I'm probably going to have a long bumpy road , but this Akathisia is getting tough to deal with along with tinnitus and head pressure .. I've read that reinstating a tiny amount of AD might help , I've read Betas and Benzos might help , and I've read that taking nothing is the quickest , and most efficient way to heal Akathisia ( if you can cope with it ) .. I chose to take nothing , so I have to find the ability to cope somehow . If this were just anxiety and depression , and insomnia It might be a little easier , maybe not .. I actually have a doctors appt tomorrow for my annual blood work . He'll probably send me to a Neurologist if I tell him I'm still having these symptoms .. Then I'll have to hear the Neurologist BS opinion ..

 

When you say that you worry whether or not you'll get through the work week , are you dealing with some sharp anxiety , or DR and dizziness , or both ?  I have the same exact feelings BTW .. Weekends are the worst for me because I sleep in and nothing to do , which makes things way worse . In fact I'm now working 6 days a week just for that reason .. IDK , maybe it's just this symptom set . Historically , it should change into another symptom set in a week or two ..  Hopefully it will be less painful , or at least more manageable ..

 

Again, thank you for stopping by . IDK if you chat with people on FB or not , but I've been talking with friends from here on there, and passing motivational stuff along, and sharing recovery stuff .. PM me if you're interested ..

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Alice1
1 minute ago, Alice1 said:

. If this were just anxiety and depression , and insomnia It might be a little easier , maybe not

I am in no way saying that these are a easier or lesser degree of suffering .. I'm just saying Akathisia is really really tough ..

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Blondiee1915

Hi Alice1, 

 

I did not realize you had akathisia.  Is this a new symptom for you or something that became an issue later in WD?  I think the fact that you stay busy by going to work for 6 hours helps even if it is tough when you are at it.  As far as weekends go - have you thought about joining a local meetup group?  The last few years while on lexapro I felt pretty crappy and lethargic and I kind of isolated myself from my friends and I do not have a big family.  So I did join a local meetup and actually managed to meet a few girlfriends that I am still in touch with.  I wish I had more energy and was not as symptomatic to attend the events but I try at least once a month to get out and put myself out there.  It is tough and uncomfortable but after I leave I actually feel better about myself.  Like this is what "normal" people are doing and I did it too.  I think the shift in surrounding and atmosphere helps.  When things become repetitive - work, sleep, eat, weekend rest, my mind becomes obsessive and bored and I start to dwell, and I do have more anxiety.  

 

When I say I do not know how I will make it through work it is mostly due to my fatigue.  I do not know how to explain it, but basically my brain feels heavy, my head feels heavy, I feel dizzy, and I have this huge brain fog and it takes me a long time to concentrate and understand what I am about to do.  I am a horrible writer, but thankfully my job involves numbers.  That is straight forward and mostly I do not have to think much.  The fatigue scares me and it definitely adds to my anxiety for sure.  Two years later it is still my biggest symptom yet I noticed a very small improvement.  

 

Hope your doctor appointment went well.  

 

I will send you a pm about fb. 

 

 

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Alice1
2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I did not realize you had akathisia

Unfortunately Yes , It's not the High anxiety type either , It's the Crawling out of your skin, squirming, constantly trying to shake it off, wiggle it off , scream it off type with extreme terror and panic .. Fortunately it's a waves and windows pattern , but I get it everyday. It started at month 11 . So 13 months .

 

2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

As far as weekends go - have you thought about joining a local meetup group? 

I actually force myself to take my daughter to the mall or park , but I'm usually white knuckling it . Hopefully it will settle down soon because the last two weekends have been very very severe for some reason . (WD) .

 

2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Hope your doctor appointment went well.  

 

Annual full panel plus physical . He's referring me to a Neurologist for the nerve pain in my head . I'm guessing an MRI coming .. He actually said it could be protracted wd but its most likely psychological . Wants me to see a pdoc . idky

 

2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I will send you a pm about fb.

This would be cool . I'm buddied up with a few from here and a few from BB ..  TTYL

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Alice1

Hi everybody ,

I wanted to ask the opinions of the mods and the long timers about some medical testing I'm doing next week . I know there is no way to be 100% accurate , and I know everybody is different , but I just wanted to try .

 

Next week I will be getting a MRI w/contrast , EEG , and EMG all in the same day .. I CT'd Lexapro 26 months ago , so I'm having a pretty difficult WD. My doctor , Therapist ,Family , and Myself feel that I need to "rule out " everything else for piece of mind  in order to enhance stress reduction strategies (what if's) ..  The EEG seems harmless ,but the MRI w/contrast and EMG (tiny electric shocks), (almost like static) seem a tad bit concerning . The MRI contrast allergy reaction I don't care about . Its the possibility of creating a giant wave / setback .. Stressing about the tests does me no good I know , and I'm looking forward to getting passed it ..

My Neuro wants contrast because I have some pretty distressing head symptoms going on , and she says that she needs contrast , otherwise the MRI will be "half ass" ..

 

Since I CT'd Lex  I have all the wicked acute stuff going on still , so all this seems like I'm asking for a wave , but maybe not . Maybe the tests show nothing , then I can just concentrate on stress reduction and healing . That's the plan anyway ..

 

 

Again , just looking for the opinions of the mods , and veterans on here as you've seen a thing or two on here .. Thanks ..

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powerback
54 minutes ago, Alice1 said:

Hi everybody ,

I wanted to ask the opinions of the mods and the long timers about some medical testing I'm doing next week . I know there is no way to be 100% accurate , and I know everybody is different , but I just wanted to try .

 

Next week I will be getting a MRI w/contrast , EEG , and EMG all in the same day .. I CT'd Lexapro 26 months ago , so I'm having a pretty difficult WD. My doctor , Therapist ,Family , and Myself feel that I need to "rule out " everything else for piece of mind  in order to enhance stress reduction strategies (what if's) ..  The EEG seems harmless ,but the MRI w/contrast and EMG (tiny electric shocks), (almost like static) seem a tad bit concerning . The MRI contrast allergy reaction I don't care about . Its the possibility of creating a giant wave / setback .. Stressing about the tests does me no good I know , and I'm looking forward to getting passed it ..

My Neuro wants contrast because I have some pretty distressing head symptoms going on , and she says that she needs contrast , otherwise the MRI will be "half ass" ..

 

Since I CT'd Lex  I have all the wicked acute stuff going on still , so all this seems like I'm asking for a wave , but maybe not . Maybe the tests show nothing , then I can just concentrate on stress reduction and healing . That's the plan anyway ..

 

  

Again , just looking for the opinions of the mods , and veterans on here as you've seen a thing or two on here .. Thanks ..

Hi Alice im an unenviable long timer lol,im no doctor so I need to be careful what I say . they simply have no clue about the stress that happens to our system in withdrawl ,getting these tests will help the withdrawl community also .

in my opinion the nervous system ,thyroid, adrenals   needs checking also but its very hard to find someone to do this from what ive researched .

The mind is most astonishing amazing thing ,the power of it .

when we get so sick ,our environment needs looking at also ,food stresses,home ,people .our ability to tolerate things goes to pot . 

You said it yourself ,manage stress is a big thing .what happens to us because of meds is horrible but I for one cant blame the meds totally .I just hope life can get more comfortable for us all some day .

Good luck with your tests ,be careful pushing for to many tests when these hopefully come back fine ,youl be thrown into the neurotic label by doctors .

Take care. 

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Alice1

Thank you powerback  , Yes , It seems as if the wd fears are one after the other . I'll get passed this one , and arrive at the next one . Probably Insomnia or something .. Knock on wood .. Oh crap , there's no wood .. QUICK GIMME SOME WOOD ..AHHHHH .

 

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Blondiee1915

Hi Alice, 

 

I had MRI done with contrast a year ago.  It was not bad at all, the most nerving thing for me was staying in that machine it made me pretty anxious.  I did hear about people reacting to contrast though am for I can’t advise on that.  I did fine though and of course the results were normal (they always are) 

 

good luck and keep us posted 

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Alice1

Oh hi Blondiee :) 

Yes , I've heard about the reactions as well . I'm not really concerned too much about that part . I'm really concerned about it ramping up Akathisia  , Fibro , and dizziness type stuff .  But I feel I need the reassurance in order to start reducing some serious stress . I figure if I can get a pile of evidence that this is 100% WD , maybe I can focus my energy toward healing a little better . 26 months out and things are getting really rough all of a sudden . Doesn't seem like a wave either . It seems like its been happening for the last year or so .. The anxiety people we both know say get all your tests done, and that seems to be the idea here as well . I just wish this contrast stuff wasn't liquid metal ..lol 

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waves12
On 11/5/2018 at 1:33 AM, Alice1 said:

Hi Waiting ,

You know , I've been feeling a lot worse at 26 months off , and I haven't taken one pill of anything for 26 months . No pills , no teeth issues , no infections , no reinstatements , and I'm still worse than ever . Lately I have been looking into certain people on here with the same timeframe , and it seems like a lot of CT'ers get really bad after two years . Waves12 just posted today about how she's/he's at his/her worst at 28 months . Robcbar is another . He is 32+ months off . Also , there are some veterans who said the same . So , it's probably the stress from everything in life that easily ramps up our unstable CNS , and it's probably just WD as well . Anyway , Just keep burning that time up . Time Time Time ..

 

Hi Alice1

 

I have followed you since beginning as a similar timeframe and note you mentioned my last post.  I hadnt updated in ages so felt it was time.

 

I cant believe how bad it can be.  I cant say I have never suffered from anxiety because I had been on medication so long and was put on it for grief so feel I dont really know myself properly as a matured adult now.

 

The anxiety has been ripping through me and it probably started in March this year after stressful events.  Not to say I was doing amazing until then because I wasnt but perhaps wasnt quite so worn out with it all.  It does feel like the stress of it all as you mentioned makes all of this feel so difficult.  It feels as if we have had enough of this constant suffering and it gets harder to deal with instead of easier.

 

I have read and researched so much to find ways to manage the anxiety.  I had brutal depression for just over 2 years and this ended, all by itself, in August this year and then the anxiety hit hard.

 

From my research it is the general anxiety with panic lurking all the time, have had a couple of panic attacks too but able to manage them fairly well.

 

Read a book At last a life and this pretty much sums it all up along with Claire Weekes.

 

I see you are going for tests and I hope this will help you.  I hope they go well for you and let us know how it goes and how you are doing.

 

Waves12   I am a  female!!

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waves12

Hi Alice1

 

I was reading what you wrote to Waiting12 as I follow your thread.  I noticed your referred to me so I wrote a few things to you but posted on Waitings thread when I thought I was on yours.  (post now moved to this topic)

 

Sorry about that, perhaps you will go across and read on threre.

 

Waves

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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Alice1

Hi Waves ,

Thank you for your comments here and on Waitings page .. Yes , I believe since we are so desensitized that any amount of stress kicks things up , and since we are always stressed due to WD you might see why we are where we are .. I'm so glad your depression has subsided . I know it was just replaced by unrelenting anxiety , but remember the Rubiks Cube ..  You are healing . Did you know that worry and fear is the most enriched form of stress we can produce ?  The worry about WD symptoms and anxiety certainly will slow healing down .. I've read so much about all this stuff my eyes hurt .. I've read were people have cured themselves of infectious disease by Diet , exercise , sleep , and most important reducing stress . Stress is the main factor here I believe . Also knowledge , meaning , you have to be aware that neurons take a long long time to repair , and by adding stress only keeps them "hot" ..  We simply can't reduce stress for a couple of weeks and expect to feel better .. I know a guy who recovered from an anxiety disorder in two years and he had symptoms the whole time . Only after two years did he notice they were not so pronounced .. Anyways , yes reduce stress and accept is our only job here , along with the other stuff of course but I truly believe stress reduction is key .. I mean I'm getting ready to quit my job and get another one that's isn't a stress fest .. How could a small country town jewelry shop be so stressful you ask ?  Well , the people who work there bug the living stuff out of me ,and believe it or not I have to carry a gun in case the place gets robbed , and I'm kinda done with that . That's no way to live , healthy or sick ..

 

Yes , Thank you for your lovely comments about my tests .. It's been four days and no news is good news I suppose . The head symptom were getting so bad and still are that I absolutely had to get The MRI with Gadolinium contrast .. Also , EEG and EMG .. That EMG test sucked .. Shocks and needles , Yuk ..  Anyway , I have an apt with Neuro on the 27th so the closer I get to that date the better I feel . I mean , if there was something wrong I think they would call me and tell me to come earlier right? 

 

Lets keep truckin here Waves . 28 months is a huge investment towards healing , even if we have years to go , we've completed 2 ..

 

I just realized I haven't had Akathisia in two days , or at least very very mild .. Hmmm..

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LexAnger

Hi alice1,

 

I hope you survived all the tests and nothing wrong is found physically. 

 

I wonder why EMG was performed and any side effects of it, along with the finding.

I really hope you seeing the turning point like a miracle soon and no more struggle moving farward.

 

Wish you continuous forward.

 

Thanks,

Lex

 

 

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Alice1
2 hours ago, LexAnger said:

Hi alice1,

 

I hope you survived all the tests and nothing wrong is found physically. 

 

I wonder why EMG was performed and any side effects of it, along with the finding.

I really hope you seeing the turning point like a miracle soon and no more struggle moving farward.

 

Wish you continuous forward.

Hey Lex ,

You know ? I have no idea why my Neuro wanted a EMG .  The Doctor that performed the test gave me a hint that with the exception of a slow response to my left wrist, everything was fine .. I have not heard from my Neuro , and I have an apt on the 27th , so no news is good news ????  You would think if they found something growing up there they would call asap .. IDK .. Hey Lex , We share a good friend , and she tells me you're in a bad way mentally right now . Please keep going strong Ok?  You've invested so much time and effort in this nightmare , and now you're drug free .. Its going to get better for you . You know , I know it ..  Thank you for your kind words of encouragement ..

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