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Alice1: Lexapro withdrawal


Alice1

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Alice. Been reading through your thread and your contributions to Waiting and fully agree with GIWM. I like your attitude and the way you manage this challenging path.

 

I particularly like the idea of learning how to live while being sick. Because we are in for a long ride. But we know we are heading in the right direction and the company of fellow travellers (sufferers) is making this whole journey a lot more bearable. Keep us posted.

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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Hello Alice, thanks for writing me in my post while you are going through a very tough situation.

Since JUN 2016: Sertraline. Took for 1 year, reduced & removed from 100 mg in 2 months. OFF Sertraline since 11 AUG 2017

-OCT and NOV 2017: Hipericum-St.Johns Worth

-25 DEC 2017: took sertraline 1 pill 50 mg

-Since end DEC 2017: Diazepam 5 mg. Reduced gradually. OFF Diazepam since 30 MAR 2018. 

-Since end DEC 2017: magnesium, omega3. 

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On ‎9‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 7:43 AM, Godiswithme said:

Hello Alice1. I just read your entire thread. The terror and extreme anxiety you describe are the same as what I experienced during the four months I was off of Lexapro. I was on 30mg for 2 years along 2 mg of Abilify ugh! for 8 mos. I C/T’d both. I slowly reinstated 15mg of Lexapro 4 months later because I felt my life was in danger. 

You are SO Strong! I am filled with admiration for you! Please, please update us with your progress!

Thank You for your kind words Godiswithme , I believe we are all strong . Keep going , keep in touch ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

Link to comment
On ‎9‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 12:08 PM, bubble said:

Hello Alice. Been reading through your thread and your contributions to Waiting and fully agree with GIWM. I like your attitude and the way you manage this challenging path.

 

I particularly like the idea of learning how to live while being sick. Because we are in for a long ride. But we know we are heading in the right direction and the company of fellow travellers (sufferers) is making this whole journey a lot more bearable. Keep us posted.

Thank you Bubbles . We are in for a long ride. A long bumpy ride , but as long as we go forward, we'll get to where we need to be .. See you there ..

 

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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On ‎9‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 8:25 AM, musk said:

Hello Alice, thanks for writing me in my post while you are going through a very tough situation.

You are welcome Musk. We are all in this together ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

Link to comment
On ‎8‎/‎24‎/‎2017 at 3:11 AM, LexAnger said:

Hi Alice, just want to assure you that you are not alone with the strange head sensation! I had all kinds of strange, very unpleasant head sensation including pressure which is the least strange one to me, as others like brain spasm, twist, tingling, numb, stoned, sandy, flowing, fireworks, and more. I read others having the strange head sensation are most lex users. One day Last year I had a loud gun shot in my head immediately followed by an huge explosion - the most terrifying experience of all.

 

Hi Lex , Yes , Great description of head symptoms compliments of Lexapro .. I'll add one more . The feeling you get when someone scratches their fingernails on a chalkboard X1000 right between the ears ..  Hope you are recovering from the MSG and Aspartame and back to baseline .. If anyone deserves a window it is you my friend..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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Hi Alice1, 

 

I just read your two year update and wanted to congratulate you on staying strong and determined and continuing to move forward no matter what.  It is great to hear that you have windows, I think it is a sign of healing and improvement for sure.  I am sorry about the anxiety and the symptoms morphing.  I am in the same boat.  One week I am experiencing such intense detachment and this gloomy feeling that I don't think I can make it through the day and want to run home; and a week later I am feeling a bit more motivated and not as detached.  And just recently I started getting tingling feelings in my legs and buttocks.  I am not sure what this is all about, it feels like a nerve pain.  But I am like you just trying to accept it and more forward. 

 

I think in this long journey it is only natural to get discouraged and upset and frustrated.  But we have to remain positive and optimistic and just continue to live our life the best we can given current circumstances.  I get a feeling you are doing just that even when your symptoms are stronger in intensity.  The fact that you work every day and spend time with your daughter is an evidence of that.  I do believe you will only continue to improve.  It seems that the recovery is not linear at least based on my symptoms and from what I have seen here.  But I do believe that we will get there.  And hopefully it will not take us 5 - 10 years.  

 

Have a good week 

 

B

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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3 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I just read your two year update and wanted to congratulate you on staying strong and determined and continuing to move forward no matter what.  It is great to hear that you have windows, I think it is a sign of healing and improvement for sure.  I am sorry about the anxiety and the symptoms morphing.  I am in the same boat.  One week I am experiencing such intense detachment and this gloomy feeling that I don't think I can make it through the day and want to run home; and a week later I am feeling a bit more motivated and not as detached.  And just recently I started getting tingling feelings in my legs and buttocks.  I am not sure what this is all about, it feels like a nerve pain.  But I am like you just trying to accept it and more forward. 

 

I think in this long journey it is only natural to get discouraged and upset and frustrated.  But we have to remain positive and optimistic and just continue to live our life the best we can given current circumstances.  I get a feeling you are doing just that even when your symptoms are stronger in intensity.  The fact that you work every day and spend time with your daughter is an evidence of that.  I do believe you will only continue to improve.  It seems that the recovery is not linear at least based on my symptoms and from what I have seen here.  But I do believe that we will get there.  And hopefully it will not take us 5 - 10 years.  

 

Hey Blondiee ,

Thank you for visiting me . I recently read your update last week , and was pleased that you're still pushing forward as well . Yeah, I believe we will both get there, but without becoming too impatient I really need this Akathisia to ease up a little. I've CT'd  a strong AD , and I know I'm probably going to have a long bumpy road , but this Akathisia is getting tough to deal with along with tinnitus and head pressure .. I've read that reinstating a tiny amount of AD might help , I've read Betas and Benzos might help , and I've read that taking nothing is the quickest , and most efficient way to heal Akathisia ( if you can cope with it ) .. I chose to take nothing , so I have to find the ability to cope somehow . If this were just anxiety and depression , and insomnia It might be a little easier , maybe not .. I actually have a doctors appt tomorrow for my annual blood work . He'll probably send me to a Neurologist if I tell him I'm still having these symptoms .. Then I'll have to hear the Neurologist BS opinion ..

 

When you say that you worry whether or not you'll get through the work week , are you dealing with some sharp anxiety , or DR and dizziness , or both ?  I have the same exact feelings BTW .. Weekends are the worst for me because I sleep in and nothing to do , which makes things way worse . In fact I'm now working 6 days a week just for that reason .. IDK , maybe it's just this symptom set . Historically , it should change into another symptom set in a week or two ..  Hopefully it will be less painful , or at least more manageable ..

 

Again, thank you for stopping by . IDK if you chat with people on FB or not , but I've been talking with friends from here on there, and passing motivational stuff along, and sharing recovery stuff .. PM me if you're interested ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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1 minute ago, Alice1 said:

. If this were just anxiety and depression , and insomnia It might be a little easier , maybe not

I am in no way saying that these are a easier or lesser degree of suffering .. I'm just saying Akathisia is really really tough ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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Hi Alice1, 

 

I did not realize you had akathisia.  Is this a new symptom for you or something that became an issue later in WD?  I think the fact that you stay busy by going to work for 6 hours helps even if it is tough when you are at it.  As far as weekends go - have you thought about joining a local meetup group?  The last few years while on lexapro I felt pretty crappy and lethargic and I kind of isolated myself from my friends and I do not have a big family.  So I did join a local meetup and actually managed to meet a few girlfriends that I am still in touch with.  I wish I had more energy and was not as symptomatic to attend the events but I try at least once a month to get out and put myself out there.  It is tough and uncomfortable but after I leave I actually feel better about myself.  Like this is what "normal" people are doing and I did it too.  I think the shift in surrounding and atmosphere helps.  When things become repetitive - work, sleep, eat, weekend rest, my mind becomes obsessive and bored and I start to dwell, and I do have more anxiety.  

 

When I say I do not know how I will make it through work it is mostly due to my fatigue.  I do not know how to explain it, but basically my brain feels heavy, my head feels heavy, I feel dizzy, and I have this huge brain fog and it takes me a long time to concentrate and understand what I am about to do.  I am a horrible writer, but thankfully my job involves numbers.  That is straight forward and mostly I do not have to think much.  The fatigue scares me and it definitely adds to my anxiety for sure.  Two years later it is still my biggest symptom yet I noticed a very small improvement.  

 

Hope your doctor appointment went well.  

 

I will send you a pm about fb. 

 

 

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I did not realize you had akathisia

Unfortunately Yes , It's not the High anxiety type either , It's the Crawling out of your skin, squirming, constantly trying to shake it off, wiggle it off , scream it off type with extreme terror and panic .. Fortunately it's a waves and windows pattern , but I get it everyday. It started at month 11 . So 13 months .

 

2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

As far as weekends go - have you thought about joining a local meetup group? 

I actually force myself to take my daughter to the mall or park , but I'm usually white knuckling it . Hopefully it will settle down soon because the last two weekends have been very very severe for some reason . (WD) .

 

2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Hope your doctor appointment went well.  

 

Annual full panel plus physical . He's referring me to a Neurologist for the nerve pain in my head . I'm guessing an MRI coming .. He actually said it could be protracted wd but its most likely psychological . Wants me to see a pdoc . idky

 

2 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I will send you a pm about fb.

This would be cool . I'm buddied up with a few from here and a few from BB ..  TTYL

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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  • 1 month later...

Hi everybody ,

I wanted to ask the opinions of the mods and the long timers about some medical testing I'm doing next week . I know there is no way to be 100% accurate , and I know everybody is different , but I just wanted to try .

 

Next week I will be getting a MRI w/contrast , EEG , and EMG all in the same day .. I CT'd Lexapro 26 months ago , so I'm having a pretty difficult WD. My doctor , Therapist ,Family , and Myself feel that I need to "rule out " everything else for piece of mind  in order to enhance stress reduction strategies (what if's) ..  The EEG seems harmless ,but the MRI w/contrast and EMG (tiny electric shocks), (almost like static) seem a tad bit concerning . The MRI contrast allergy reaction I don't care about . Its the possibility of creating a giant wave / setback .. Stressing about the tests does me no good I know , and I'm looking forward to getting passed it ..

My Neuro wants contrast because I have some pretty distressing head symptoms going on , and she says that she needs contrast , otherwise the MRI will be "half ass" ..

 

Since I CT'd Lex  I have all the wicked acute stuff going on still , so all this seems like I'm asking for a wave , but maybe not . Maybe the tests show nothing , then I can just concentrate on stress reduction and healing . That's the plan anyway ..

 

 

Again , just looking for the opinions of the mods , and veterans on here as you've seen a thing or two on here .. Thanks ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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54 minutes ago, Alice1 said:

Hi everybody ,

I wanted to ask the opinions of the mods and the long timers about some medical testing I'm doing next week . I know there is no way to be 100% accurate , and I know everybody is different , but I just wanted to try .

 

Next week I will be getting a MRI w/contrast , EEG , and EMG all in the same day .. I CT'd Lexapro 26 months ago , so I'm having a pretty difficult WD. My doctor , Therapist ,Family , and Myself feel that I need to "rule out " everything else for piece of mind  in order to enhance stress reduction strategies (what if's) ..  The EEG seems harmless ,but the MRI w/contrast and EMG (tiny electric shocks), (almost like static) seem a tad bit concerning . The MRI contrast allergy reaction I don't care about . Its the possibility of creating a giant wave / setback .. Stressing about the tests does me no good I know , and I'm looking forward to getting passed it ..

My Neuro wants contrast because I have some pretty distressing head symptoms going on , and she says that she needs contrast , otherwise the MRI will be "half ass" ..

 

Since I CT'd Lex  I have all the wicked acute stuff going on still , so all this seems like I'm asking for a wave , but maybe not . Maybe the tests show nothing , then I can just concentrate on stress reduction and healing . That's the plan anyway ..

 

  

Again , just looking for the opinions of the mods , and veterans on here as you've seen a thing or two on here .. Thanks ..

Hi Alice im an unenviable long timer lol,im no doctor so I need to be careful what I say . they simply have no clue about the stress that happens to our system in withdrawl ,getting these tests will help the withdrawl community also .

in my opinion the nervous system ,thyroid, adrenals   needs checking also but its very hard to find someone to do this from what ive researched .

The mind is most astonishing amazing thing ,the power of it .

when we get so sick ,our environment needs looking at also ,food stresses,home ,people .our ability to tolerate things goes to pot . 

You said it yourself ,manage stress is a big thing .what happens to us because of meds is horrible but I for one cant blame the meds totally .I just hope life can get more comfortable for us all some day .

Good luck with your tests ,be careful pushing for to many tests when these hopefully come back fine ,youl be thrown into the neurotic label by doctors .

Take care. 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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Thank you powerback  , Yes , It seems as if the wd fears are one after the other . I'll get passed this one , and arrive at the next one . Probably Insomnia or something .. Knock on wood .. Oh crap , there's no wood .. QUICK GIMME SOME WOOD ..AHHHHH .

 

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

Link to comment

Hi Alice, 

 

I had MRI done with contrast a year ago.  It was not bad at all, the most nerving thing for me was staying in that machine it made me pretty anxious.  I did hear about people reacting to contrast though am for I can’t advise on that.  I did fine though and of course the results were normal (they always are) 

 

good luck and keep us posted 

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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Oh hi Blondiee :) 

Yes , I've heard about the reactions as well . I'm not really concerned too much about that part . I'm really concerned about it ramping up Akathisia  , Fibro , and dizziness type stuff .  But I feel I need the reassurance in order to start reducing some serious stress . I figure if I can get a pile of evidence that this is 100% WD , maybe I can focus my energy toward healing a little better . 26 months out and things are getting really rough all of a sudden . Doesn't seem like a wave either . It seems like its been happening for the last year or so .. The anxiety people we both know say get all your tests done, and that seems to be the idea here as well . I just wish this contrast stuff wasn't liquid metal ..lol 

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/5/2018 at 1:33 AM, Alice1 said:

Hi Waiting ,

You know , I've been feeling a lot worse at 26 months off , and I haven't taken one pill of anything for 26 months . No pills , no teeth issues , no infections , no reinstatements , and I'm still worse than ever . Lately I have been looking into certain people on here with the same timeframe , and it seems like a lot of CT'ers get really bad after two years . Waves12 just posted today about how she's/he's at his/her worst at 28 months . Robcbar is another . He is 32+ months off . Also , there are some veterans who said the same . So , it's probably the stress from everything in life that easily ramps up our unstable CNS , and it's probably just WD as well . Anyway , Just keep burning that time up . Time Time Time ..

 

Hi Alice1

 

I have followed you since beginning as a similar timeframe and note you mentioned my last post.  I hadnt updated in ages so felt it was time.

 

I cant believe how bad it can be.  I cant say I have never suffered from anxiety because I had been on medication so long and was put on it for grief so feel I dont really know myself properly as a matured adult now.

 

The anxiety has been ripping through me and it probably started in March this year after stressful events.  Not to say I was doing amazing until then because I wasnt but perhaps wasnt quite so worn out with it all.  It does feel like the stress of it all as you mentioned makes all of this feel so difficult.  It feels as if we have had enough of this constant suffering and it gets harder to deal with instead of easier.

 

I have read and researched so much to find ways to manage the anxiety.  I had brutal depression for just over 2 years and this ended, all by itself, in August this year and then the anxiety hit hard.

 

From my research it is the general anxiety with panic lurking all the time, have had a couple of panic attacks too but able to manage them fairly well.

 

Read a book At last a life and this pretty much sums it all up along with Claire Weekes.

 

I see you are going for tests and I hope this will help you.  I hope they go well for you and let us know how it goes and how you are doing.

 

Waves12   I am a  female!!

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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Hi Alice1

 

I was reading what you wrote to Waiting12 as I follow your thread.  I noticed your referred to me so I wrote a few things to you but posted on Waitings thread when I thought I was on yours.  (post now moved to this topic)

 

Sorry about that, perhaps you will go across and read on threre.

 

Waves

 

Edited by ChessieCat
link

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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Hi Waves ,

Thank you for your comments here and on Waitings page .. Yes , I believe since we are so desensitized that any amount of stress kicks things up , and since we are always stressed due to WD you might see why we are where we are .. I'm so glad your depression has subsided . I know it was just replaced by unrelenting anxiety , but remember the Rubiks Cube ..  You are healing . Did you know that worry and fear is the most enriched form of stress we can produce ?  The worry about WD symptoms and anxiety certainly will slow healing down .. I've read so much about all this stuff my eyes hurt .. I've read were people have cured themselves of infectious disease by Diet , exercise , sleep , and most important reducing stress . Stress is the main factor here I believe . Also knowledge , meaning , you have to be aware that neurons take a long long time to repair , and by adding stress only keeps them "hot" ..  We simply can't reduce stress for a couple of weeks and expect to feel better .. I know a guy who recovered from an anxiety disorder in two years and he had symptoms the whole time . Only after two years did he notice they were not so pronounced .. Anyways , yes reduce stress and accept is our only job here , along with the other stuff of course but I truly believe stress reduction is key .. I mean I'm getting ready to quit my job and get another one that's isn't a stress fest .. How could a small country town jewelry shop be so stressful you ask ?  Well , the people who work there bug the living stuff out of me ,and believe it or not I have to carry a gun in case the place gets robbed , and I'm kinda done with that . That's no way to live , healthy or sick ..

 

Yes , Thank you for your lovely comments about my tests .. It's been four days and no news is good news I suppose . The head symptom were getting so bad and still are that I absolutely had to get The MRI with Gadolinium contrast .. Also , EEG and EMG .. That EMG test sucked .. Shocks and needles , Yuk ..  Anyway , I have an apt with Neuro on the 27th so the closer I get to that date the better I feel . I mean , if there was something wrong I think they would call me and tell me to come earlier right? 

 

Lets keep truckin here Waves . 28 months is a huge investment towards healing , even if we have years to go , we've completed 2 ..

 

I just realized I haven't had Akathisia in two days , or at least very very mild .. Hmmm..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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Hi alice1,

 

I hope you survived all the tests and nothing wrong is found physically. 

 

I wonder why EMG was performed and any side effects of it, along with the finding.

I really hope you seeing the turning point like a miracle soon and no more struggle moving farward.

 

Wish you continuous forward.

 

Thanks,

Lex

 

 

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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2 hours ago, LexAnger said:

Hi alice1,

 

I hope you survived all the tests and nothing wrong is found physically. 

 

I wonder why EMG was performed and any side effects of it, along with the finding.

I really hope you seeing the turning point like a miracle soon and no more struggle moving farward.

 

Wish you continuous forward.

Hey Lex ,

You know ? I have no idea why my Neuro wanted a EMG .  The Doctor that performed the test gave me a hint that with the exception of a slow response to my left wrist, everything was fine .. I have not heard from my Neuro , and I have an apt on the 27th , so no news is good news ????  You would think if they found something growing up there they would call asap .. IDK .. Hey Lex , We share a good friend , and she tells me you're in a bad way mentally right now . Please keep going strong Ok?  You've invested so much time and effort in this nightmare , and now you're drug free .. Its going to get better for you . You know , I know it ..  Thank you for your kind words of encouragement ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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  • 2 months later...

Hello Alice1

Wondering how you are doing?

Did you get the all clear on all the tests you had done a few months ago?

I still feel rubbish with bad anxiety and insomnia so still not feeling too good. 

I hope you are doing ok 

 

Waves 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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Hey Waves ..

Yes , I got the all clear from all the tests , including the MRI w/contrast ..  They found that I have a little Carpel Tunnel in my left arm , but I really don't care about that .. They told me to wear a brace for that , which I've haven't done .. I am approaching 2.5 years off , and still in the thick of it .. I went through a tremendous amount of stress 3 months ago , and it has set me back pretty good . Akathisia , Tinnitus , anxiety , all firing at full force , but that kinda told me that stress reduction truly is key in recovering from all this .. I'm guessing I have Fibro from the whole situation as well . Biting nerve pains , and burning etc .. Like I said though , all this ramped way way up after a 3 month stress fest .. There is some good news though .. A lot of symptoms have gone only to be replaced with new ones , but at least the wheels are turning up there . So , I'm just continuing to reduce stress and calm my CNS the best I can .. I keep telling myself that 30 months isn't that long , and give it another 30 months .. I have put all my trust and faith in the things Alto , Healy , and a few that have recovered have said , and just hang on .. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way Waves ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Stress is a really big factor for me.  You sound like you have a very good handle on what's happening to you.  As you said, just hang on.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg Valium

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper of 18.75mg Valium 

End 2021  year 1 of Valium taper at 6mg

End 2022 year 2 of Valium taper at 2.75mg 

End 2023 year 3 of Valium taper at 1mg

Jan. 24, 2024: Hold at 1mg and shift to Imipramine taper.

Taper is 95% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan.-Sept. 2016 tapered to 14.4mg  

March 22, 2022: Begin 10%/4 week taper

Aug. 5, 2022: hold at 9.5mg and shift to Valium taper

Jan. 24, 2024: Resume Imipramine taper.  Current dose as of Feb. 22: 7.6mg

Taper is 90% complete.  

  

Supplements: multiple, quercetin, omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotics, zinc, melatonin .3mg, anti-candida, iron, serrapeptase, nattokinase


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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1 hour ago, Alice1 said:

Hey Waves ..

Yes , I got the all clear from all the tests , including the MRI w/contrast ..  They found that I have a little Carpel Tunnel in my left arm , but I really don't care about that .. They told me to wear a brace for that , which I've haven't done .. I am approaching 2.5 years off , and still in the thick of it .. I went through a tremendous amount of stress 3 months ago , and it has set me back pretty good . Akathisia , Tinnitus , anxiety , all firing at full force , but that kinda told me that stress reduction truly is key in recovering from all this .. I'm guessing I have Fibro from the whole situation as well . Biting nerve pains , and burning etc .. Like I said though , all this ramped way way up after a 3 month stress fest .. There is some good news though .. A lot of symptoms have gone only to be replaced with new ones , but at least the wheels are turning up there . So , I'm just continuing to reduce stress and calm my CNS the best I can .. I keep telling myself that 30 months isn't that long , and give it another 30 months .. I have put all my trust and faith in the things Alto , Healy , and a few that have recovered have said , and just hang on .. 

 

You might want to check out some of Dr. John Sarno's books about TMS. He helped a lot of people heal from chronic pain issues like these with a non-drug based approach. You've got nothing to lose! 

09/2011- 01/2014: 10mg Cipralex / 02/2014: increased to 15mg Cipralex

02/2014 - 10/2016: 15mg Cipralex / 11/2016: reduced to 12.5mg Cipralex (over 2 weeks)

12/2016: reduced to 10mg Cipralex (over 2 weeks) / 01/2017 - 09/2018: 10mg Cipralex

10/2018 - 11/2018: reduced gradually to 7.5mg Cipralex / 12/2018: found SA & first learned about the 10% taper method

2019: 6.9mg / 2020: 5.1mg (0.064-0.065) 06/01/21/2021: 4.8mg (0.061-0.062) / 06/01/21/2021-04/15/2022: 3.8mg (0.048) /

04/16-07-10/15/2022 : 2.8mg (0.036mg) / 10/15/2022-04/27/2023: 2.4mg (0.031mg) / 04/27/2023-06/05/2023: 2.4mg (0.030mg) / 06/05/2023- 11/04/2023: 1.7mg (0.022mg).

 

Please Note: I am not a medical professional. Consult a knowledgeable

medical professional when making decisions about your medical care. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/4/2019 at 12:39 AM, Alice1 said:

Hey Waves ..

Yes , I got the all clear from all the tests , including the MRI w/contrast ..  They found that I have a little Carpel Tunnel in my left arm , but I really don't care about that .. They told me to wear a brace for that , which I've haven't done .. I am approaching 2.5 years off , and still in the thick of it .. I went through a tremendous amount of stress 3 months ago , and it has set me back pretty good . Akathisia , Tinnitus , anxiety , all firing at full force , but that kinda told me that stress reduction truly is key in recovering from all this .. I'm guessing I have Fibro from the whole situation as well . Biting nerve pains , and burning etc .. Like I said though , all this ramped way way up after a 3 month stress fest .. There is some good news though .. A lot of symptoms have gone only to be replaced with new ones , but at least the wheels are turning up there . So , I'm just continuing to reduce stress and calm my CNS the best I can .. I keep telling myself that 30 months isn't that long , and give it another 30 months .. I have put all my trust and faith in the things Alto , Healy , and a few that have recovered have said , and just hang on .. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way Waves ..

So pleased all the tests were clear from any major concerns.

 

Well here I am and off for MRI on Thursday next week, cant quiet believe I am heading here.  Been feeling so bad with anxiety its ripping through my body almost 24/7 and I got in such a state that I began doubting that this is pure anxiety so went for appointment with the doctor and he suggested MRI  to eliminate any problems, I am terrified of MRI and will for sure have huge melt down plus the worry of finding out results.

 

I have become so bad with the anxiety, this started in March last year after a stressful time and continued stress all through the rest of the year over my my baby grandson who is very unwell and it will be ongoing for some time.

 

Fear is ruling my life, well I am allowing that but cannot get a grip on it currently.

 

I cant believe anxity can be so vicious and cause so much unwellness, I feel beaten to the ground most days.

 

I am now 32 months into this cold turkey and so fearful.

 

Hope you are doing ok today.

 

Waves

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm sorry to hear things flaring up for you. But I think it's really great when we can point to stress as the cause and learn how to change/cope with the situation better. Still doesn't make it any easier when you're in the thick of it, but you've got a great mindset. 

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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Hi Alice,

 

Just been reading your thread and you have done so well to get where you are today. You have had such a rough ride but to continue working and being the dad I’m sure you are is something to be so proud of. You have a great attitude to this and I really hope that you start to see some relief soon.

 

Take care.

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 2018

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November 2018

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well it's been 31 months and WD is definitely running on all eight cylinders . I believe I have Fibro from all the symptoms  , or maybe it's just part of WD , but whatever it is I feel like it's not going to clear up unless I can really start to reduce some serious stress . I can handle the stress from the symptoms , but the everyday stress is what's ruining it ..No matter how hard I try to avoid stress it just keeps coming . I've reduced my life to a mickey mouse fraction of what I used to be . My work is as lax as can be . My social life is very mellow, My diet is 50% vegetable , I meditate , exercise , sleep well etc , but every darn day I get hit with 3 or 4 stressful situations that are totally fueling wave after wave .. The thing is , everybody in my life knows how important it is for me to reduce the stress to heal , but it's like they just don't care whatsoever and give me certain circumstances day after day .. From all the reading and research ( success stories ) I have come across , it's almost like the ones who have recovered have cocooned themselves from everything that drives the nervous system , including allowing the symptoms to persist without worrying about them ( definitely the most important, and this I can do ) , but I just cannot do the cocooning part .. I must work , I must be a father , and I must stay active ..

 

Akathisia is periodic . Not all day but certainly 2 or 3 waves a day .

Depression seems to be only in the early part of the day .

DP/DR wavy , comes and goes , Mild and strong

Nerve Pain can get really bad at times . really bad ..

Anxiety can be all day , but the levels are all over the place . some days it's insane , some days its tolerable .

Tinnitus can get so bad . It feels like my brain is being microwaved.

Fibro like pain is almost constant most days, not all , but I'd say 7 out of 10 days .

 

No insomnia . I wake up 2 or 3 times a night but have no trouble falling back to sleep . Sleep is deep REM .

No sex issues . Everything is A-OK in that department . I do get a severe wave after orgasm for a couple days , sometimes longer .

No gut issues . Appetite is very good . I started eating normal food again along with vegetables and healthy stuff . 6 months ago  was so skinny . I looked sick . I don't want to look like I'm sick .

No Anhedonia  . I can laugh and enjoy stuff when symptoms are not off the chart ..

No Cognitive issues . I can think clearly , sharp , and can do anything a normal person does without any struggle .

 

Although I believe I can heal quickly from this , my realistic side of me says its going to be the 7 year plan most CT'ers have to go through . I have accepted that there might be some residual stuff that never will completely resolve , but will be tolerable enough to live a decent life ..

 

 

 

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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Hey Alice, good to hear from you. Yes, stress reduction seems to be key -- I've made it my goal to finish college during this mess even though I know it makes things worse. I'm almost done and am lucky I will at least get a year off before I've got to make some money for myself.  In a way, I made the choice to finish because it will set me up for better support. My family is more understanding if they see me trying in school (which isn't right, but how it is...) Regardless, I mean to say I relate to the unavoidable stress. And I can't imagine being a parent during this, you're doing great even if it doesn't feel like it!

 

Honestly, 7 year outlook doesn't sound so bad once you're a couple years deep. I've got hope that things will resolve faster for you, but at least personally any end in sight keeps me going. I'm sorry you're still struggling so much (akathisia and nerve pain are brutal, hang in there) though it's clear you've got great improvements. Eating normal, healthy food and gaining some weight back will definitely set you up for more healing all around. Oh, and like the cliche goes, laughter is great medicine. I firmly believe that experiencing positive moods, and really nurturing them, soothes the nervous system. 

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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  • 5 weeks later...
On 3/23/2019 at 7:55 PM, Alice1 said:

Well it's been 31 months and WD is definitely running on all eight cylinders . I believe I have Fibro from all the symptoms  , or maybe it's just part of WD , but whatever it is I feel like it's not going to clear up unless I can really start to reduce some serious stress . I can handle the stress from the symptoms , but the everyday stress is what's ruining it ..No matter how hard I try to avoid stress it just keeps coming . I've reduced my life to a mickey mouse fraction of what I used to be . My work is as lax as can be . My social life is very mellow, My diet is 50% vegetable , I meditate , exercise , sleep well etc , but every darn day I get hit with 3 or 4 stressful situations that are totally fueling wave after wave .. The thing is , everybody in my life knows how important it is for me to reduce the stress to heal , but it's like they just don't care whatsoever and give me certain circumstances day after day .. From all the reading and research ( success stories ) I have come across , it's almost like the ones who have recovered have cocooned themselves from everything that drives the nervous system , including allowing the symptoms to persist without worrying about them ( definitely the most important, and this I can do ) , but I just cannot do the cocooning part .. I must work , I must be a father , and I must stay active ..

 

Akathisia is periodic . Not all day but certainly 2 or 3 waves a day .

Depression seems to be only in the early part of the day .

DP/DR wavy , comes and goes , Mild and strong

Nerve Pain can get really bad at times . really bad ..

Anxiety can be all day , but the levels are all over the place . some days it's insane , some days its tolerable .

Tinnitus can get so bad . It feels like my brain is being microwaved.

Fibro like pain is almost constant most days, not all , but I'd say 7 out of 10 days .

 

No insomnia . I wake up 2 or 3 times a night but have no trouble falling back to sleep . Sleep is deep REM .

No sex issues . Everything is A-OK in that department . I do get a severe wave after orgasm for a couple days , sometimes longer .

No gut issues . Appetite is very good . I started eating normal food again along with vegetables and healthy stuff . 6 months ago  was so skinny . I looked sick . I don't want to look like I'm sick .

No Anhedonia  . I can laugh and enjoy stuff when symptoms are not off the chart ..

No Cognitive issues . I can think clearly , sharp , and can do anything a normal person does without any struggle .

 

Although I believe I can heal quickly from this , my realistic side of me says its going to be the 7 year plan most CT'ers have to go through . I have accepted that there might be some residual stuff that never will completely resolve , but will be tolerable enough to live a decent life ..

 

 

 

 

Hi Alice,

I would HEAVILY consider reading Steve Ozanich "The great pain deception".  I have had alot of those symptoms and have radically changed my life from reading his book and and 100% believing it was something called TMS/MBS.  I think the first thing that I discovered is that you have to look at your symptoms differently.  You have to look for the root cause.  For me, I started becoming aware of my thoughts.  I realized that I always had this conditioned responses with my pain or symptoms and I was always monitoring them to see how there are.  Once you are constantly aware of these symptoms, they have the power over you.   What you are constantly doing is teaching your brain your not safe.  I would get a new symptom or a problem and I would google it to figure out what it was and how to get rid of it.  Always looking for the next solution or how to fix it.  It wasnt until I stopped fighting that eventually the pain and symptoms started to change.  It lost its grip over me.

 

I had to constantly just be with my symptoms and not judge or try and change them. (mindfulness).  Over time I taught my brain that I was safe and the things got better.  We constantly are teaching ourselves that there is something wrong with us.  IMO I think the 7 year withdrawal is not true.  I think we feel the symptoms and everything is real, but once your sub-concious becomes addicted to the symptoms, it keeps cycling through.   TMS/MBS practicioners believe its because we repress emotions.  That we have hidden rage inside of us.  People that are perfectionist or people pleasers have constant pressure on them.  People that have a innner critic that constantly beats themself up.    I am not sure if any of this is you, but it was for me.   Now I am just bringing up a conversation about this and I am no doctor, but the more I heavily get into this TMS/MBS and read about it, the more and more I feel that prolonged withdrawal is just this. 

 

Also, our response to stress that is coming from people around you sucks!  However, its natural for our body to feel stress and those emotions.  Its how you decide to feel it and deal with it that changes things.  I remember those stressful situations that should be around for 10-20 mins would last weeks because I would worry and focus everything on it.  It wasnt until I stopped and closed my eyes and would feel the tension from the stress and be with it that it started to lose its grip.  When you think about it I would be in fight or flight 24 hours of the day.  Your body is in a continual state of stress when you are constantly montioring and judging your symptoms.

 

It sucked for while but it all slowly got better.  Also, vitamin C and panthenine (active form of b5) helped along with this approach.  

 

 

February 2017 started Ambien (Whatever the highest dose was) and Ativan 1.5mg

March 2017 started lexapro.  15mg  -Weaned off Ativan after about 2 months on it. 

Weaned off Ambien after 4 months on it every night.  Lexapro starting working and didn't need it.

April 2018 started reduced Lexapro.  15mg-12.5mg.

May 18' 10mg, June 18' 7.5mg, July 18' 5mg, August 18' 4.5mg, Sept 18' 4.0mg, Oct 18' 3.5mg, Nov 18' 3.0mg.

Jan 19' 2.5mg, February 19' 2.0mg, From here I went about .10mg drops at a time and sometimes more every 2 weeks depending on how I feel.  That was from February-August 20th 2019.

I got to .30mg and decided to jump off.  It was so small and decided I needed to face my fears.  I created nueral pathways in my brain that I was fearing withdrawal.

Lexapro 0.0mg 8/20/2019

 

 

 

 

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  • 4 months later...

36 MONTH UPDATE 

 

I have reached the 3 year mark , and all was going fair . Not good ,but  not terrible . I am getting bad days , and worse days , but I am getting through . I gained all my "original" weight back and I am socializing , working , and providing for my child .  Then all of a sudden the floor fell out from underneath me . This wave is the most violent wave of the whole experience . Now , I'm not sure , but I would bet that my lifestyle caused this wave to be so severe . I was allowing myself to get really frustrated at certain people at work , I wasn't eating the greatest , and most importantly I believe I exposed myself to Clorox Bleach fumes while cleaning my house .. I remember smelling it thinking " oh no , this can't be good for me" .. I was breathing fumes for a couple hours .. I'm not certain about this , but the stress and diet combined with Clorox ??/ I don't know .. 

 

I guess it could be just a severe wave from a CT WD ..  Symptoms that went away , or at least died down are back worse than ever , plus new stuff . Akathisia is 3 times as bad .. It really takes a MAJOR effort to get out in the morning , and it takes an even GREATER effort to stay at work .. I am trying to do the whole separation between mind and symptoms thing , but this wave is really making it difficult ..This wave is almost a month old and is strong enough to convince me that its not going anywhere anytime soon .. 

 

I guess my message is be careful while in WD . It doesn't take much to piss off you CNS ...    Healing to everyone .. See you in 6 months ..

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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  • 1 month later...

@Altostrata@brassmonkey@Rhiannon@Petunia

 

Hey Guys and Gals ,

I'm just reaching out to you because I've caught one of the biggest waves I've ever experienced ( 2 months long ) in this whole WD thing (38 months) .. I basically CT'd , joined the site late , received the information , and made the decisions .. I read Brassmonkeys essay which pretty much explains everything , and I totally understand what I got myself into .. I especially understand the part where he states that his WD friends who CT'd are still having "waves that rival their initial acute period" 6 years later .. However , it seems like it took me 3 years to get to acute . I read my thread , and at the beginning I can clearly see where I was in a panic , but that was a state that was more like " omg what's happening?" .. Now 3 years later the severity of symptoms is at its highest , especially Akathisia .. No meds taken , no alcohol , no supplements , nothing .. I have kinda continued to live life on a "below the radar" status meaning , I still work a lax job , still interact with my daughter , errands , chores etc ..I don't really walk anymore ..  I know CT WD is a unpredictable beast and anything can be expected , but I kinda need some ...I don't know ..  encouragement I guess .. I really appreciate your work here , and I totally understand you can't read my future, but you folks are kinda my only support right now .. 

December 2014 - Lexapro 20 mg

August 2016 Med free (6 week taper)

December 22 2021  added Abilify 5mg / Ativan .5mg / Depakote ER 1000mg

Discontinued Abilify 5mg on 12-30-21---accidental dose on 1-13-22 (looks like Ativan)

Ativan PRN/Discontinued 1-14-22

Only drug is Depakote ER 1000mg ( looking to taper slow and safe for once )

3/24/22 Depakote 625mg 

Propranolol 20-40mg  PRN

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i am sorry to read this alice

 

akathisia is wholly unpredictable for me as well. have it pretty much constantly but it will escalate pretty randomly -- i tried to pin it on hormones, diet, otc and prescription drugs/supplements, and haven't come up with any pattern, rhyme or reason.

 

wish i had more encouraging words for you, but at least know you're not alone. 

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Alice, I'm so sorry to hear about your suffering. I don't have any educated advice to give, as I don't have much experience with this particular kind of prolonged WD. And I know you know about all the resources on this site, all the experience from people who have walked this road before you.


I do recall some people saying that after a really bad wave seems to sometimes come a deeper healing. I have often wondered if our nervous systems use these times to try to undo some of the less-than-optimal changes that they had to make after the CT just in order to keep us alive--to try to undo those, so as to rebuild into a better, more natural state. I have absolutely no actual scientific evidence that that is the case, since nobody is studying these phenomena; but seems like at the very least it's a way to frame these unexpected times of neurological struggle that might make it easier to move through them.

 

Neuroplasticity is a "neurons that fire together wire together" kind of thing, so to whatever extent you can calm your life, calm and soothe your thoughts, reduce stress, and try to guide your thoughts into a direction of optimism and healing--if that's possible, here and there, a moment here and a moment there--well, it seems like it couldn't hurt.

 

If that seems ridiculously oversimplifying or insensitive of me, or just impossible, just toss it in the trash. I am so sorry for your suffering, and you are not to blame for it in any way.

Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

May 2021            7                       0.01                  0.0037                1

Feb 2022            6                      0!!!                     0.00167               0.98                2.5 mg Ambien

Oct 2022       4.5 mg Lamictal    (off Celexa, off Xanax)   0.95 Valium    Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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Hello Alice

 

I'm saddened by your post. So frustrating for you - and all of us to know that your symptoms and Akathisia have reared their ugly heads for 2 months.

 

I can offer only support and my 2 cents that Rhiannon's approach seems the one I would take -

 

36 minutes ago, Rhiannon said:

Neuroplasticity is a "neurons that fire together wire together" kind of thing, so to whatever extent you can calm your life, calm and soothe your thoughts,

 

Sending prayers and positive thoughts to you

 

Giulietta

 

 

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