Alice1: Lexapro withdrawal

[Alice1]

@Rhiannon

Thank You Rhi , and thank you Bheb , Guiietta

[Leo1983]

Hi Guys.

 

I ALWAYS get very confused by all this stuff.

 

I was simply told from day 1 on here that basically the drugs cause the way you feel in Withdrawal??

 

Also the symptoms are all crazy and due to the Iatrogenic damage?????

 

That NOTHING you do will STOP the symptoms until you heal??

 

However you can help yourself by been positive, accepting and hopeful...

 

I get confused as alot i also read here talks about healing by neuroplasticity, nuerons, books etc etc.....

 

It confuses me. I was never this unwell/mad before medication..... SO do i wait this out accepting or is there more to it 

 

Cheers 

[Alice1]

6 hours ago, Leo1983 said:

Hi Guys.

 

I ALWAYS get very confused by all this stuff.

 

I was simply told from day 1 on here that basically the drugs cause the way you feel in Withdrawal??

 

Also the symptoms are all crazy and due to the Iatrogenic damage?????

 

That NOTHING you do will STOP the symptoms until you heal??

 

However you can help yourself by been positive, accepting and hopeful...

 

I get confused as alot i also read here talks about healing by neuroplasticity, nuerons, books etc etc.....

 

It confuses me. I was never this unwell/mad before medication..... SO do i wait this out accepting or is there more to it 

 

Cheers 

 

Hey Leo ,

Its both ..  Wait it out and passively accept .. Reduce stress is all we can do . Its going to take as long as it takes . I've practiced living the best I can while being sick for over 3 years now . I've accepted that fact that this may take possibly a decade or more . I certainly hope not , but the more I distress about how long its taking the worse I feel , and I'm already pretty bad . I CT'd a powerful AD at a high dose though .. 

 

Altostrata says to control your negative anxious thinking, and calm your nervous system as much as possible ,and be patient . Also, expect recovery .. 

Giak says " It's a 100 little things" that help you heal . 

 

I certainly believe these two Gals know more about withdrawal than any Doctor selling books .. 

 

Even though I CT'd I'm still on board with what they say..  What other option do I have ? 

[Leo1983]

Hi.

 

Yeh me too i was on the old Lexapro too for 5 month then CT. Im 16 month out and have improved but still have anxiety i never had and that awful thick heavy brain, like my brains a brick. 

 

Apart from that not too much more. Oh wait i forgot with the thick brain comes Anhedonia feeling, so i have that too. 

 

Yeh Alto CT too! Paroxetine which is a bad drug. Gia was on lots of meds.....

 

My mindset is this like a virus or flu. You feel bad and no matter how much paracetamol or cold remedies you take it wont budge until the body fights it and we return to health. 

 

I have no big mental history however, after i stopped these meds i have the had the biggest in my life. 

 

I agree with accepting, grounding, CBT ect ect however if all is true and you wait it out, then in my eyes i will return to who i was naturally as a person. ( Which was not who i am now). 

 

I would have been 1st to the party!!! Now im last or dont even turn up... Thats not me 😔

[Leo1983]

You say even tho you CT? what options?

 

Alot of people CT and healed 

[Alice1]

What I mean is since I CT'd I really don't have any other option other than wait it out while practicing good recovery behaviors .. Which is hard because at some point everyday I get hit HARD with symptoms and its very difficult to keep calm , but they almost always subside later in the day . They do not go away , but they lessen .. I'm not about to reinstate and I'm not going to give up so my only option is wait it out with good practice ..

[Alice1]

Before withdrawal I was a carpenter . I used to build houses, and remodel old ones . Obviously I couldn't do that anymore, but i have a friend who told me "You have to do something" . Fortunately he owned a pawn shop , and since I was very knowledgeable about jewelry and coins etc I started working there part time . I remember sitting there staring out the window in a completely disconnected state with akathisia counting the seconds til I could go home .I remember thinking how my life was ruined ..

 

We do jewelry repair at the shop , but we have to send it out to another jeweler . This is a real pain . We actually have a bench with all the tools a jeweler would need . So, I started dabbling with it . Watching videos on YouTube on jewelry repair , sizing rings , etc . Well today ( about 2 years later ) I am totally immersed in it. I have actually repaired several items , and I am now sizing rings ( Sterling . Gold is my next goal ) . My friend who owns the shop is extremely pleased, and has granted me the money to get whatever I need to excel in the industry . I've even increased my hours .

 

I mentioned to somebody today that " Neurons that fire together wire together" , and when I'm at my bench working on a particular piece I can actually feel this happening . Yes I am still quivering with agitation and akathisia but my mind is totally focused on the work I'm doing .. Plus , whenever my mind says "oh no, you're in acute wd" its very easy to acknowledge it and then continue to focus on what I'm doing .. I also come home with something else on my mind other than wd . Like , what I will work on tomorrow , or what can I do to better myself , or what can I learn tomorrow .. 

 

Don't get me wrong . It's still a constant struggle , and a tug-o war , but its a start .

 

 I've also started walking a little again . However my timing sucks because its getting cold. I have a new friend on here who is a veteran in the community , and he's taught me a bit about expressive writing or journaling ..It really does help .. I write down my thoughts and feelings , and I seem to forget them for a little while .. 

 

So that's my plan ..

[Gridley]

15 minutes ago, Alice1 said:

I am totally immersed in it.

That is great news, Alice1!

[bheb]

I’m so glad you’ve got some other purpose/motivation! I started taking a jewelry/metalwork kinda class and I’ve been feeling something similar. Exactly like you say, the sensations are all there but I somehow am able to immerse myself in the work and think of other things. I feel like creative activity has to be good for the healing brain. 

[Psvt]

Alice1

 

just finished reading this thread.......man, can I relate to the late onset of acute and more so the akathisia....

blows massive chunks.....total and incomprehensible torture that has no comparison and now into my 27 mths it's still tearing me a new one.

 

Hope you're still travelling through the fire of this hell and getting close to leaving this in the history books. 

[Krisseyb]

@Alice1 any update?

[Alice1]

Hey everyone ,

I haven't posted here in a while, for good reasons too. I found myself well enough to start living life again. I was enjoying life, hobbies, family, and friends. I made a couple investments, bought a couple toys, I mean I was there. I had made it .  

 

Unfortunately last week I developed a kidney stone and had to go to the ER .  The pain was so bad I just couldn't tough it out . They gave me morphine, and dilaudid for the pain. One dose of each .  After they confirmed it was in fact a kidney stone they gave me Toradol ( supercharged Ibuprofen ) .. They said the stone was passable and to go home. The ER doctor prescribed me Ibuprofen, Percocet ( which I won't take ) and Doxycycline. 

 

The next day I developed a fever of 103 . In fear of a kidney infection I decided to take the Doxy .  I had taken a Z-Pack for a tooth extraction 6 months prior with no issues, so I thought I was ok .  

 

I also developed severe acid reflux so I decided to take Prilosec again. 

 

So in three days I took morphine ( 1 dose ), dilaudid ( 1 dose ) , toradol ( 1 dose )  , ibuprofen ( 3-800mg pills ) , prilosec ( 3 pills ), and doxycycline ( 4 pills 100mg each ) .

 

I have stopped everything 5 days ago ..

 

Needless to say I am in a severe wave worse than acute .. The anxiety is absolutely crippling.. 

 

I feel so frustrated, so let down. I mean I know it wasn't my fault, but to be at the end of the tunnel.. To see the light so bright I'm casting a shadow .. So depressing . 

 

I feel so confused, so hopeless.. This anxiety is painful.. Akathisia is painful .. 

 

It took me 4 years to finally get somewhere in wd and I feel like I'm starting all over .. I do not want to do this again .. I'm not sure I can ..  

[Elyssa143]

@Alice1

hey Alice1, I’m so sorry to read of your update but there was positivity in it as well, you were doing much better. And now your in a bit of a setback which of course is very distressing I understand as I am still struggling very much at 33 months-34 months. Just remember this wave will pass, your nervous system is still very sensitive. As hard as it is and as much fear as we get we just hang in there with our coping skills. You will get back to where you were I promise, hang in there❤️

[Alice1]

On 12/28/2020 at 6:55 PM, Alice1 said:

Hey everyone ,

I haven't posted here in a while, for good reasons too. I found myself well enough to start living life again. I was enjoying life, hobbies, family, and friends. I made a couple investments, bought a couple toys, I mean I was there. I had made it .  

 

Unfortunately last week I developed a kidney stone and had to go to the ER .  The pain was so bad I just couldn't tough it out . They gave me morphine, and dilaudid for the pain. One dose of each .  After they confirmed it was in fact a kidney stone they gave me Toradol ( supercharged Ibuprofen ) .. They said the stone was passable and to go home. The ER doctor prescribed me Ibuprofen, Percocet ( which I won't take ) and Doxycycline. 

 

The next day I developed a fever of 103 . In fear of a kidney infection I decided to take the Doxy .  I had taken a Z-Pack for a tooth extraction 6 months prior with no issues, so I thought I was ok .  

 

I also developed severe acid reflux so I decided to take Prilosec again. 

 

So in three days I took morphine ( 1 dose ), dilaudid ( 1 dose ) , toradol ( 1 dose )  , ibuprofen ( 3-800mg pills ) , prilosec ( 3 pills ), and doxycycline ( 4 pills 100mg each ) .

 

I have stopped everything 5 days ago ..

 

Needless to say I am in a severe wave worse than acute .. The anxiety is absolutely crippling.. 

 

I feel so frustrated, so let down. I mean I know it wasn't my fault, but to be at the end of the tunnel.. To see the light so bright I'm casting a shadow .. So depressing . 

 

I feel so confused, so hopeless.. This anxiety is painful.. Akathisia is painful .. 

 

It took me 4 years to finally get somewhere in wd and I feel like I'm starting all over .. I do not want to do this again .. I'm not sure I can ..  

@Altostrata Hi Alto, 

I'm not asking you to hold my hand, but is this something that will eventually settle down again ? Akathisia and anxiety are 10/10 and it's concerning .  

[Jennings]

You did it before, you’ll do it again.  This is just a blip.

[Alice1]

18 hours ago, Jennings said:

You did it before, you’ll do it again.  This is just a blip.

Yes , just sucks that you can be so close to the light at the end of the tunnel. I mean literally feeling it’s warmth. Casting a shadow of yourself, and then be catapulted back 20-30 steps into acute again for something that wasn’t your fault.  I mean I was getting my success story ready.  Kinda 😕 

[Altostrata]

Alice, you were sick, you needed medications, you might have had adverse effects. Hang in there, it will slowly get better. Don't blame yourself.

[Jennings]

Alice, you mentioned having a wave after having an orgasm.  Did that ever go away?

 

I seem to be having the same issue.

 

Thanks

[Alice1]

2 hours ago, Jennings said:

Alice, you mentioned having a wave after having an orgasm.  Did that ever go away?

 

I seem to be having the same issue.

 

Thanks

Oh yeah ,  the further my body calmed down the more those waves after sex went away.  I do remember just putting up with it for awhile. Then it was almost like the waves just gave up.  I remember thinking “if I want to have sex I’m gonna be stirred up for a few days after, so be it”. Then I remember thinking “ hmm, I don’t have waves after sex anymore”.  

[Jennings]

Cool, yeah I’m in the thick of it right now.  Haha not a good side withdrawal symptom.

 

How are you feeling now?  Better than the last couple days?

[Alice1]

11 minutes ago, Jennings said:

Cool, yeah I’m in the thick of it right now.  Haha not a good side withdrawal symptom.

 

How are you feeling now?  Better than the last couple days?

It seems like it’s winding down some.  Really nice window last night and I can feel another window brewing up now. Still really really bad in the mornings but that’s when cortisol is pumping hard.  Keeping calm and reducing stress is the key. It just takes a long time.  Very grateful for Alto and others who can reassure me. Reassurance is awesome but eventually you need to reassure yourself.  Those electrical levels in the brain and CNS just need to be tamped down as much as possible while maintaining a low low stress environment. Then everything goes back to stock.  In time.  

[mva96]

Hey Alice, i've been reading through your post and am blown away by your strength. Seriously amazing job. I have no doubt you will get over this setback and be good again soon

[Alice1]

4 hours ago, mva96 said:

Hey Alice, i've been reading through your post and am blown away by your strength. Seriously amazing job. I have no doubt you will get over this setback and be good again soon

Thank you for your kind words .. 

[Alice1]

On 12/29/2020 at 7:34 AM, Elyssa143 said:

@Alice1

hey Alice1, I’m so sorry to read of your update but there was positivity in it as well, you were doing much better. And now your in a bit of a setback which of course is very distressing I understand as I am still struggling very much at 33 months-34 months. Just remember this wave will pass, your nervous system is still very sensitive. As hard as it is and as much fear as we get we just hang in there with our coping skills. You will get back to where you were I promise, hang in there❤️

Thank you.. Aside from this setback, I was at my worst at 32 months off .. I believe you must focus on other things rather than withdrawal . My friend "Light' told me this and he was right. I didn't start to really improve until my focus was directed towards something other than WD .. Of course you need the symptoms to fizzle out some first . 

[Elyssa143]

@Alice1 I sure hope your feeling a little better and happy new year! When you said you felt your worst at 32 months what did you mean? I’m definitely having easier times and better days and hours of complete normalcy then I go back to the dread/despair, suicidal ideation and inner Akathisia and it’s just hard to still have this far out. My waves are still really rough but better days, did you have this and this far out? Again I sure hope your better and yes focusing on other stuff is necessary I definitely stay busy but it’s not easy with the suicidal stuff! I just hope I get to a point where I am able to be more confident and comfortable through the wave. I don’t at all want to die and the suicidal stuff scares me so bad. But 34 months this week!

[Alice1]

3 hours ago, Elyssa143 said:

@Alice1 I sure hope your feeling a little better and happy new year! When you said you felt your worst at 32 months what did you mean? I’m definitely having easier times and better days and hours of complete normalcy then I go back to the dread/despair, suicidal ideation and inner Akathisia and it’s just hard to still have this far out. My waves are still really rough but better days, did you have this and this far out? Again I sure hope your better and yes focusing on other stuff is necessary I definitely stay busy but it’s not easy with the suicidal stuff! I just hope I get to a point where I am able to be more confident and comfortable through the wave. I don’t at all want to die and the suicidal stuff scares me so bad. But 34 months this week!

My withdrawal went from not so bad from the start to at its worst between years 2-3.  Everybody is different, and that just how mine unfolded. If you can just keep going day by day I promise you you’re gonna get better and better.  I know a lot of people don’t like  it when I say this but you have to give yourself at least seven years. Severity will lesson in the later part of that unless you re-injure yourself like I did two weeks ago. I’m back in acute hell. Worse than ever. I’m 4.5 years out.  My point is that you need to take care of yourself. Anything that stresses the CNS and I mean anything must be limited.   You’ll be fine. Just keep going and focus on life.  

[Alice1]

@Altostrata @brassmonkey @Shep Hey guys.  Jeff here.  Hey I know we can’t say for sure but, given the severity of this wave (10/10 Akathisia/Anxiety) does it make it likely that it will take months- years to settle down ?  I guessing it will. I mean I was 4.5 years out of a CT and this kidney stone and it’s treatments has made acute look like the good old days.  @brassmonkey In your article you state that post 0 waves can last months. Is it that simple or am I starting over with this healing.  All drugs used were non - psychiatric.  It’s only been 3 weeks.  
 

Jeff. 

[Altostrata]

How have your symptoms changed over 3 weeks? What is your current daily symptom pattern?

 

Yes, this will eventually settle down, as long as you don't do anything to stir it up again.

[Alice1]

@Altostrata Hi Alto, 

In the past 3 weeks my symptoms went from a dizzy anxiety to a full blown all day Akathisia.. The dizziness and fuzziness stopped the first couple of days , and the the anxiety got stronger, and stronger to where it is now. It changes everyday of course, with peak severity between 11am - 4pm, then it starts to ease up a little.. 

 

Today 1-11-21 

6 am - wake up - anxiety and rumination 

9 am - get ready for the day - anxiety builds

12 pm - At work - Anxiety peaks, turns into agitation, head and body ringing, and Panic.

3 pm - full blown akathisia ,head and body ringing, Panic,  hard to do anything. Have to pace when nobody's looking. I have to hide the "shake-off fits" . 

6 pm - eases up a little, allowed to breathe a little. Anxiety, akathisia up and down, but not peaked.

9 pm - able to relax somewhat, ruminate about what tomorrow will be like ( I know this is bad  ) 

11 pm - Sleep . I am able to sleep . I do wake up 2-3 times but no problems getting back to sleep .. 

 

Like I said though, this was today. Last week is was same pattern but less akathisia . 

It's all over the place really . seems to be getting worse on a akathisia basis. 

 

Kidney stone treatment:  !2-20-2020

Morphine - 1 dose (ER)

Dilaudid - 1 dose (ER)

toradol - 1 dose (ER)

Doxycycline - 4 doses of 100mg each (2 days) 

Ibuprofin - 3 doses of 800mg each

I took Prilosec for 3 days for Acid Reflux 

 

I've stopped everything except for Tums Antacid. 

 

BTW, You're doing such a fabulous job. I saw the interviews on medicating normal and Mad in America . Bravo !! 

 

 

[brassmonkey]

"A late-breaking wave will typically hit very hard and very fast, flaring up unexpectedly overnight.  Sometimes it ends over several days but sometimes re-stabilization takes months. It is not uncommon for this late-breaking wave to happen several times during the post “0” recovery period."

 

In the context that this quote was presented, yes it is that simple. The post "0" waves flare up and then subside over a period of time that is determined by the individuals body. the context for the statement is that it is post a smooth and controlled taper that left the person with very limited symptoms at the time of the jump. Being post CT is a different thing all together.

 

That does not mean that you are back to square one.

 

Going CT leaves the body in a highly sensitized state for a very long time. This means that anything, drinking alcohol, OTC medications, stress and the like can set off a wave. I am very familiar with the stresses caused by a kidney stone and the associated medications. Even being several years post "0" from a very smooth taper I still experienced several small waves of symptoms. The nice thing about waves though is that they eventually end, as the one you are experiencing will. Because of the sensitization caused by the CT things could get pretty rough, but they will stabilize and fade. While in the wave it could feel like a return to "acute", but it will settle and things should return to where you were before the stone.

[Altostrata]

Are you ingesting any caffeine? You may have to cut back.

 

I don't know what to suggest for this, it was brought on by the medical treatment. Your being able to sleep is a good sign. Hang in there.

[Alice1]

@Altostrata No caffeine.. Thank you for your help Alto. I trust your opinion is still the same, that it will settle ?   . @brassmonkey Thank you Tom .. 

[mva96]

Sorry to hear about the setback Alice, that really sucks. I've read in lots of the success stories about people having nasty waves after a period of stability. But they all recovered. Aeroman recovered completely and then had a bad setback from cipro, but he recovered again.

 

You've got this

[Altostrata]

Yes, it will settle down. It may take some months.

[bheb]

Hi Alice, I am so happy you were well enough to be away so long but sorry about what's brought you back.

 

I had something similar happen. After 3.5 years of akathisia, in June-September 2020 it seriously lessened. I seemingly traded akathisia and agitation for other symptoms (like dizziness, derealization, eyes zoning out) but I was pleased to have a break from what I considered my worst symptom. Then some mental terror came back, then physical agitation most recently. Now I have all the above :). 

 

This is of course disheartening, but at the same time all this change makes me slightly hopeful and I think it should make you hopeful as well. No one can say how long it will take us to get back to our better days. But the fact that we've had better ones and worse ones shows how much we're capable of healing. This isn't a fixed state. 

 

The fact that you had almost a year of reduced symptoms/relief is incredible. Try to take your own advice  and direct your focus away from WD, away from trying to figure out what your new healing timeline will be (I am not doing this well AT ALL). Like Alto says, try to accept that you were sick, the medicine was necessary, and you aren't to blame. 

[Alice1]

2 hours ago, bheb said:

Hi Alice, I am so happy you were well enough to be away so long but sorry about what's brought you back.

 

I had something similar happen. After 3.5 years of akathisia, in June-September 2020 it seriously lessened. I seemingly traded akathisia and agitation for other symptoms (like dizziness, derealization, eyes zoning out) but I was pleased to have a break from what I considered my worst symptom. Then some mental terror came back, then physical agitation most recently. Now I have all the above :). 

 

This is of course disheartening, but at the same time all this change makes me slightly hopeful and I think it should make you hopeful as well. No one can say how long it will take us to get back to our better days. But the fact that we've had better ones and worse ones shows how much we're capable of healing. This isn't a fixed state. 

 

The fact that you had almost a year of reduced symptoms/relief is incredible. Try to take your own advice  and direct your focus away from WD, away from trying to figure out what your new healing timeline will be (I am not doing this well AT ALL). Like Alto says, try to accept that you were sick, the medicine was necessary, and you aren't to blame. 

Bheb 

Its critical to learn surrender and not fear symptoms.  Very very hard work but that’s exactly what led me closer to freedom.  Who would’ve known I’d get a kidney stone and have to take pain meds. Trust me. I knew I was asking for trouble, but I said give them to me. The kidney stone was that bad.  
 

Anyway , learn surrender, and focus on other things, and treat your CNS like CRYSTAL!!!!