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TryingToHoldOn: Sertraline - protracted WD 6 months after last dose?

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TryingToHoldOn

Update: 9 months off

 

My symptoms:

 

Terrified of being alone - GONE

*Terrified of being alone w/ my kids - GONE

*menstrual cycle stopped - GONE

*Irrational fear/terror 

*anxiety/panic

*depression 

*suicidal thoughts - still have, but not 24/7 like the first 3-4 months

*social anxiety 

*agoraphobia 

*acne on face - mild now, the first 6 months my face was covered with cystic acne; I never had problems with my skin prior to WD

*akathisia 

*hair loss - clumps of hair fall out when I wash, comb, or run my fingers thru my hair

*Internal vibrations 

*feeling like all my nerves are on fire 

*anhedonia

*no motivation

*mood lability

*crying spells - gone for 30 days, now back again

*rage/intense anger

*muscle aches/joint pain

*facial numbess

*head pressure - forehead/temple area

*brain - squeezing/pulsating/burning

*cognitive impairment

*brain fog

*feeling of being overwhelmed at all times

*low stress tolerance

*muscle twitches/myclonic jerks

*intrusive thoughts

*heart palpitations

*POTS

*head/body 'wooshing'

*hypersensitivty to sound

*insomnia

*racing/pounding heart - NEW

*metallic taste in mouth - NEW

*tinnitus - NEW

 

Wow, it’s crazy that I’m getting NEW symptoms this far out.  It has not been a kind week to me.  I’ve been thrown into a wave that is honestly the worst one yet. I hope and pray my 1 year update will be better than this one!

 

 

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Littlegrandma

Sorry T

hang in there. Ive got the exact symptoms. It is awful. I was so glad you were climbing out of the hole. It’s going to be short lived.🤞🏻

 

Thinking of you, lg

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TryingToHoldOn
9 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Sorry T

hang in there. Ive got the exact symptoms. It is awful. I was so glad you were climbing out of the hole. It’s going to be short lived.🤞🏻

 

Thinking of you, lg

Lg,

 

I sincerely hope you’re doing better.  It’s crazy how a person can live with symptoms like that!  The list doesn’t even do it justice as there are so many other weird things going on I don’t even know how to put it into words!  I’m reading re-reading Recovery & Renewal to give me hope.  Geez, this journey just takes too damn long!

xxx

Edited by TryingToHoldOn
Accidentally posted unfinished message

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Littlegrandma

I’m flagging your list to reference because it’s so hard to explain to GP. He won’t believe it anyway. 

  I also have hair falling out. Now the lower lashes on one eye. So, beware. And I also have pain in my eyes. And blurry vision. Didn’t see that on your list. Phew.      xx lg

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TryingToHoldOn
1 minute ago, Littlegrandma said:

 And blurry vision. Didn’t see that on your list. Phew.      xx lg

LG,

 

I forgot to list that!  But it comes and goes for me.  My vision is blurry when my head symptoms are really bad.  Interestingly, my vision is extremely sharp when the head symptoms subside.  The scariest thing is I sometimes lose vision in one eye for a few seconds.  It’s only happened 3-4 times, the first occurred when I had serotonin syndrome.  I guess that was so traumatic I try to forget about it. :wacko:

 

Baylissa says we heal.  I’m holding onto this promise with all of my might.  Please God, don’t let it take years!!!! 🙏

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FarmGirlWorks

Main symptom is anxiety through the roof. After I was triggered a week ago, the main symptoms were high anxiety, despair, suicidal ideation (no plans, just wishing I was not here), spiraling toxic thoughts, and emotional neediness. Sigh. The physical symptoms have been that I can't sleep more than 6 hours at a time (which I know is a blessing in contrast with people here who have insomnia) and, the worst, my tinnitus has been much louder. I have always had tinnitus since having a brain tumor removed 13 years ago. However, it got way amped up last week. It is a different kind of buzzing and louder. So I notice it instead of the usual tuning it out.

 

Today seems 1% better and I have been popping Gaia Adrenal Support capsules for the last several days and that seems to dial my body tension back a few notches.

.

.

.

Wow, just read your list and Survivor1's response... tinnitus is worse for all of us. And that list is great, thanks. This WD has become my new "normal" and it is a good reminder that it is NOT normal and will, hopefully someday soon, end.

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Littlegrandma

Amen🙏🏻

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Survivor1

Hi Trying,

 

Sorry to hear about the new symptoms.  This seems very common.  I am in the 7th month after dropping a "mere" 2.4 mirtazepine, and have just developed a new symptom: intense head and ear pressure/fullness.  Because of it, tinnitus is very loud too. I find that even when a symptom abates, it rears its head ever so often, so it is hard to say that I have seen improvements.

 

But I tell myself that it cannot go on forever.  Take heart that you are off all your drugs and can concentrate on healing.  Unfortunately, I still have a long taper ahead of me.

 

Best wishes.

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Waiting12

Congrats on 9 months off! That is a huge accomplishment. Those are 9 months you’ll never have to do again. I hope you get another big window soon.

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Relentless27

Keep in mind that it is the holiday season and I bet you are a busy girl with your kids during this time so no wonder your WD is flaring up! I've noticed the same. You're gonna be ok. hope you start to feel better. 

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/12/2017 at 1:03 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

Main symptom is anxiety through the roof. After I was triggered a week ago, the main symptoms were high anxiety, despair, suicidal ideation (no plans, just wishing I was not here), spiraling toxic thoughts, and emotional neediness. Sigh. The physical symptoms have been that I can't sleep more than 6 hours at a time (which I know is a blessing in contrast with people here who have insomnia) and, the worst, my tinnitus has been much louder. I have always had tinnitus since having a brain tumor removed 13 years ago. However, it got way amped up last week. It is a different kind of buzzing and louder. So I notice it instead of the usual tuning it out.

 

Today seems 1% better and I have been popping Gaia Adrenal Support capsules for the last several days and that seems to dial my body tension back a few notches.

.

.

.

Wow, just read your list and Survivor1's response... tinnitus is worse for all of us. And that list is great, thanks. This WD has become my new "normal" and it is a good reminder that it is NOT normal and will, hopefully someday soon, end.

FGW,

I am really sorry that you’re dealing with these symptoms.  Have you had any relief at all? How long have you been off the meds?  I hope you see some relief soon and a windows stays open for you!

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/12/2017 at 1:17 PM, Survivor1 said:

Hi Trying,

 

Sorry to hear about the new symptoms.  This seems very common.  I am in the 7th month after dropping a "mere" 2.4 mirtazepine, and have just developed a new symptom: intense head and ear pressure/fullness.  Because of it, tinnitus is very loud too. I find that even when a symptom abates, it rears its head ever so often, so it is hard to say that I have seen improvements.

 

But I tell myself that it cannot go on forever.  Take heart that you are off all your drugs and can concentrate on healing.  Unfortunately, I still have a long taper ahead of me.

 

Best wishes.

Survivor, 

 

I’m sorry to hear that you are also getting new symptoms so far out. Forgive me for my confusion, but did you just complete you mirt taper or are you still tapering 2.4mg?  I hope that most of the symptoms are manageable for you and that you are able to maintain some type of quality of life.  I know that a long taper is such a pain, but be glad that you educated yourself and don’t have to suffer consequences of a too fast taper or CT.  I’m glad that you have a chance to minimize your symptoms and hope you get through this relatively unscathed.  

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/14/2017 at 12:14 PM, Relentless27 said:

Keep in mind that it is the holiday season and I bet you are a busy girl with your kids during this time so no wonder your WD is flaring up! I've noticed the same. You're gonna be ok. hope you start to feel better. 

R,

 

How are you these days?

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TryingToHoldOn

Question regarding Cognitive/Executive functioning issues.

 

For this of you who suffer from this, can you tell me what this feels like for you?  Is it strictly the inability to organize and execute simple tasks?  Do you have a physical feel to this as well?  Has this gotten better over time?  

 

I have the inability to do anything fluidly or organically.  Multitasking is impossible, making dinner leaves me in tears, and picking up a ‘few’ items from Target sets me into a panic because it’s so difficult to carry out these simple tasks.  Prior to WD,I didn’t even give things a second thought...I just did it. What concerns me the most is the physical nature of cognitive issues.  It physically hurts my head/brain when I try to do any sort of task (shower, brush my teeth, write an email, etc.).  It feels as if there is a barrier between my thoughts and my brain.  My head feels so strange; and I know somehow this physical nature of my head, unrelenting pressure and weird sensations are contributing to my cognitive disability.  I honestly feel like i’ve had a lobotomy.  Serious brain damage.

 

Matt Samet describes it perfectly below:

 

“Amidst this near-paralysis, when I needed to access a thought — say, “I need to take out the garbage” — and convert it into action, a sluggish disconnect stalled the message’s transfer between brain and body. I would have to actively conjure instructions for myself, as if using the manual to put together an Ikea dresser: “OK, I’m going to reach down to this little pail, bring into the kitchen, turn it upside-down over the big trash can, and then take the liner out of the bin and carry it out to the alley.” Step-by-step, I would accomplish each task, slowly, unsurely, my body stiff and sweaty. Instead of enchaining these actions as one continuous flow, I moved like a robot, staccato, pondering every movement then taking seconds to actualize what once used to occur unconsciously in a fraction of that time.”

 

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it!

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nz11

I don't think I  can add to samets great explanation.

It gets better over time. Think years not months.

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FarmGirlWorks
1 hour ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

FGW,

I am really sorry that you’re dealing with these symptoms.  Have you had any relief at all? How long have you been off the meds?  I hope you see some relief soon and a windows stays open for you!

Thanks, Trying... I am a little bit better since this weekend which was difficult. My tinnitus seems to have gone back to its normal volume though and that is a relief. I am still popping adrenal support pills a few times a day. Also learned something at kundalini yoga this weekend. The technique is to curl your tongue up to the soft palate at the roof of your mouth (in the back) and pretend to swallow your tongue. It produces saliva and then you swallow that. Best as I can figure it helps reduce the acidity of your stomach.  I do that for a few swallows every few hours. It helps a little.

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Relentless27

Hi T,

 

The last couple days have been the most difficult so far. Akathisia is what i seem to be dealing with. I just want to jump out of my skin and move constantly. Feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest most of the time. It's pretty awful. I really do think that the holidays have something to do with this somehow. I'm assuming you dealt with Akathasia and that was the terror you spoke of in the first 8 months. We will get through this no question about it. hope you are having a better day today. 

 

R

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manymoretodays

Hi TTHO,

 

I like to call it system overload.  And I do believe in neuroplasticity.  What helps I think, is practice and more practice.  And sometimes engaging other parts of the brain to help do what used to be done without any thought at all.  "Mindfulness" helps.   At least some physical activity always helps me as well........sometimes modified exercise.  Music.......oh music, especially playing an instrument.

 

I sure wish there were some centers available for us........where we could go and basically work on some brain "retraining" with others.  As W/D isn't very well recognized and often goes uninsured.......there aren't any........many of us do find our own though..........be it meditation groups, meet up groups, yoga classes, any classes for that matter..........you get the idea?

 

I feel usually quite fatigued when the overwhelm hits.  And if I can just do some part acts of the whole.  Or limit my engagements.  That seems to help me anyway.  And sometimes call in someone from my support system who is willing to help and understands.

 

Yes, I think it has gotten better over time for me. 

 

I hope that helps.

 

Love, peace, healing/in recovery, growth,

 

mmt

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Survivor1
On 12/18/2017 at 6:04 PM, TryingToHoldOn said:

Survivor, 

 

I’m sorry to hear that you are also getting new symptoms so far out. Forgive me for my confusion, but did you just complete you mirt taper or are you still tapering 2.4mg?  I hope that most of the symptoms are manageable for you and that you are able to maintain some type of quality of life.  I know that a long taper is such a pain, but be glad that you educated yourself and don’t have to suffer consequences of a too fast taper or CT.  I’m glad that you have a chance to minimize your symptoms and hope you get through this relatively unscathed.  

I did not taper the mirt, I discontinued at 2.4 mg abruptly, higher than recommended.  I had to do it because of serotonin syndrome with trazodone, which I'm currently taking.  Today was not a good one, I'm definitely not unscathed by this.  Fortunately, I'm relatively functional.  Sorry you have to deal with this.  All the best.

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/18/2017 at 6:24 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

Thanks, Trying... I am a little bit better since this weekend which was difficult. My tinnitus seems to have gone back to its normal volume though and that is a relief. I am still popping adrenal support pills a few times a day. Also learned something at kundalini yoga this weekend. The technique is to curl your tongue up to the soft palate at the roof of your mouth (in the back) and pretend to swallow your tongue. It produces saliva and then you swallow that. Best as I can figure it helps reduce the acidity of your stomach.  I do that for a few swallows every few hours. It helps a little.

FGW,

 

I so glad to hear that you’re doing better.  I hope your windows become longer and you soon find yourself off this crazy rollercoaster ride.

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TryingToHoldOn
17 hours ago, Survivor1 said:

I did not taper the mirt, I discontinued at 2.4 mg abruptly, higher than recommended.  I had to do it because of serotonin syndrome with trazodone, which I'm currently taking.  Today was not a good one, I'm definitely not unscathed by this.  Fortunately, I'm relatively functional.  Sorry you have to deal with this.  All the best.

Survivor,

 

I’m so sorry you had to CT.  I, too, had serotonin syndrome so I understand the need to stop the medication immediately and abruptly.  I am terribly sorry that such a small dose is reeking such havoc on your body.  I hope that you are able to stabilize soon and so you can have a relatively smooth taper with your trazadone.  Praying for the best for you and hoping you can put this all behind you soon.  

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/19/2017 at 9:49 AM, manymoretodays said:

Hi TTHO,

 

I like to call it system overload.  And I do believe in neuroplasticity.  What helps I think, is practice and more practice.  And sometimes engaging other parts of the brain to help do what used to be done without any thought at all.  "Mindfulness" helps.   At least some physical activity always helps me as well........sometimes modified exercise.  Music.......oh music, especially playing an instrument.

 

I sure wish there were some centers available for us........where we could go and basically work on some brain "retraining" with others.  As W/D isn't very well recognized and often goes uninsured.......there aren't any........many of us do find our own though..........be it meditation groups, meet up groups, yoga classes, any classes for that matter..........you get the idea?

 

I feel usually quite fatigued when the overwhelm hits.  And if I can just do some part acts of the whole.  Or limit my engagements.  That seems to help me anyway.  And sometimes call in someone from my support system who is willing to help and understands.

 

Yes, I think it has gotten better over time for me. 

 

I hope that helps.

 

Love, peace, healing/in recovery, growth,

 

mmt

MMT,

 

Thank you for your reply.  I am glad that you are seeing improvement.  That must be very encouraging for you.

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TryingToHoldOn

I’m not sure why I am even posting on here.  I know no one can help me, so maybe I just want to document this as part of my journey.  IDK.

 

The month of November brought me some substantial relief, nowhere near healed, but tolerable.  In fact,  if it remained at that level I could gladly endure a few years until completely recovered. It was also the moment I really believed that I could heal.  I had said it before, but i was also quite doubtful.  I also foolishly thought maybe I was close to being done with this mess.  Which brings me to December...

 

I am not coping well at all.  At 9 months I am experiencing my worst wave yet.  It is unrelenting and rendering me back to being nonfunctional again.  My worst symptoms are: akathisia, insomnia, internal vibrations, adrenaline surges, panic/anxiety, feeling like all my nerves are on fire, burning skin, severe headpressure, facial numbness, muscle twitches/jerks, depression, cognitive dysfunction, and the worst suicidal thoughts.  I have no intention on acting on that thought as the guilt would be too strong to leave my 2 children and husband without a mother and wife.  However, I fantasize about dying in a tragic accident relieving me of my guilt and pain.  This wave is torturing me and ripping me to shreds.

 

I know that everyone on this site is suffering.  I have read many stories but feel so inadequate to help anyone because I am incapable of helping myself.  TBH, it seems as though even those who are the most severe are managing and coping better than I am.  If I can’t cope well where does this leave me?  I don’t know if I can make it another week let alone several years.

 

Hopefully, I will be able to look at this post one day and say, “Wow!  Look at how far you’ve come.  You made it.”

 

I can’t believe how a tiny little pill has destroyed my life.  Shame on you, Big Pharma.

 

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RachelSusan

Hello TTHO,

I hear your suffering, and feel your pain.  I know it is beyond enduring what any human being should endure, but I do want to remind you that on the other end of this wave you are currently in is a good life. Which brings me to self harm, may people on these sites would never self harm but have wished an end to their suffering.  That I understand and I do believe that is what you are experiencing, however if turns into something more and you feel like you are going to self harm please reach out to a loved one, a hot line, what ever it takes to survive another day. The fact that you had a window is very positive, very positive indeed.  You will get more and more until your entire life is good again, but for now you can only hold on during this wave.  Again I know it is brutal; just when we get to a point where things are at least somewhat acceptable the ugly monster rears it head.  Again, I am distressed to hear about your pain and suffering. I hope your next window comes quickly, like today.

xo

RS

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Littlegrandma

Hang in there , T. I understand what you’re going through, though no, sadly there’s nothing we can do to help. I’m in the same boat. After 2 weeks of thinking I was on my way, I’m back to the same symptoms as you. 

    I didn’t feel good, but I thought if it didn’t get any worse I could live like this for awhile. But if it never gets any better, then I won’t live like this. But I was up and out and functioning at 50%. Now I’m a crying heap on the couch wondering if this will ever end. The depression is all consuming. It’s hard to imagine that there is life beyond wd.  

But we both had windows. And we will again. I think the wave will be shorter this time. Pretty soon we will be taking longer strides forward and baby steps backwards. So hang in there. A good day is coming.     xx lg

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manymoretodays

Your welcome TryingToHoldOn,

 

My response was to your post on Cognitive/Executive functioning.  I should have been clearer. :blink:B)

 

It sounds real tough right now.  I often think to myself that,  the worst times mean the most healing is going on.   Hoping you can just take it easy for a bit.  Do you have some help with things now, and someone to talk to every now and then?  What has helped in the past? 

 

Sending window intentions.........

 

best,

mmt

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/20/2017 at 11:45 AM, RachelSusan said:

Hello TTHO,

I hear your suffering, and feel your pain.  I know it is beyond enduring what any human being should endure, but I do want to remind you that on the other end of this wave you are currently in is a good life. Which brings me to self harm, may people on these sites would never self harm but have wished an end to their suffering.  That I understand and I do believe that is what you are experiencing, however if turns into something more and you feel like you are going to self harm please reach out to a loved one, a hot line, what ever it takes to survive another day. The fact that you had a window is very positive, very positive indeed.  You will get more and more until your entire life is good again, but for now you can only hold on during this wave.  Again I know it is brutal; just when we get to a point where things are at least somewhat acceptable the ugly monster rears it head.  Again, I am distressed to hear about your pain and suffering. I hope your next window comes quickly, like today.

xo

RS

RS,

 

Thank you for this very kind and thoughtful message.  I sincerely hope that you are doing well and you’re able to be free of this med with minimal discomfort from here on forward.

 

T

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/20/2017 at 1:02 PM, Littlegrandma said:

Hang in there , T. I understand what you’re going through, though no, sadly there’s nothing we can do to help. I’m in the same boat. After 2 weeks of thinking I was on my way, I’m back to the same symptoms as you. 

    I didn’t feel good, but I thought if it didn’t get any worse I could live like this for awhile. But if it never gets any better, then I won’t live like this. But I was up and out and functioning at 50%. Now I’m a crying heap on the couch wondering if this will ever end. The depression is all consuming. It’s hard to imagine that there is life beyond wd.  

But we both had windows. And we will again. I think the wave will be shorter this time. Pretty soon we will be taking longer strides forward and baby steps backwards. So hang in there. A good day is coming.     xx lg

LG,

 

I am very saddened that you were hit by another awful wave.  The nonlinear healing pattern is so cruel.  I hope that this message finds you in a much better place.  Thank you for your support.  

 

T

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TryingToHoldOn
On 12/20/2017 at 9:05 PM, manymoretodays said:

Your welcome TryingToHoldOn,

 

My response was to your post on Cognitive/Executive functioning.  I should have been clearer. :blink:B)

 

It sounds real tough right now.  I often think to myself that,  the worst times mean the most healing is going on.   Hoping you can just take it easy for a bit.  Do you have some help with things now, and someone to talk to every now and then?  What has helped in the past? 

 

Sending window intentions.........

 

best,

mmt

MMT,

 

TBH, in the beginning I had friends who helped out tremendously with the kids.  That support started to wane at about 5-6 months.  Now at almost 10 months, most people think I should be ‘over’ this by now or that I need to be on meds.  Unfortunately,  my parents and my husband’s parents are of little help as they are dealing with their own health crisis (cancer/quadruple bypass surgery).

 

I was seeing a counselor who believed in WD, but realized until I can ‘normalize’ a little more she was of little help to me.

 

Honestly the only thing that has helped is just waiting because there have been days in the past that are less intense.  I just feel better because I do, but not because of anything that I do.  Does this make sense?

 

Thank you so much for reaching out and being a moderator.  I can even look past my own nose when i’m in a wave.  You must have super human strength.

 

T

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Rosetta

Hi, Trying,

 

I'm Rosetta.  I have a 6 year old, and I have wanted to meet you.  I just so happened to see your post on October 20 shortly after you posted it.  I wanted to rescue you somehow, but I, myself, was deep in the same state of mind at the time.  I couldn't even think straight enough to understand the information on the site.  I was still hoping I would find a medical solution to my problem then, and I was very distressed that you had serotonin syndrome.  Let's just say there were a lot of tears.

 

I just made a profile the other day.  My thread might trigger your symptoms, but my signature will tell you most of the story considering the knowledge you must have gained by now.  I am stuck -- waiting to get well -- riding the waves and waiting for the windows while caring for a child.  It's been quite horrifying.  I had been having mild (I suppose) WD symptoms for about 5 years while taking greater and greater doses of Zoloft.  Then,  I fast tapered the Zoloft in Feb of 2017.  By the time I found SA I thought I might have had a brain tumor.  Thankfully, I found SA before DP, DR and SI were happening often.  I'm quite sure I simply would have thought I was going to go completely mad.  No doubt I'd be "enjoying" an anti-psychotic right now.

 

I hope you have a long window very soon.

 

Yours,

Rosetta

 

 

 

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Terry4949

Tryingtoholdon on what you have been describing is me all over , I am now 10 months of and like you November was better no way near better but tolerable but December I have hit a awfull wave with all the symptoms that you have referred to infact your page is if I have written it , I am in absolute despair the depression has crushed me once more my brain feels like it has been kicked round the park , the horrible crying jags and suicidel thoughts are back , all the physical symptoms are intense , I fall a sleep for a couple of hours and then I wake burning brain on fire and start the hell all over again , like you I thought that at 10 months I would start to see some improvement but the waves are getting worse how do we live like this , i cannot function I have no motivation I just want to sit and be alone no one can help , 

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TryingToHoldOn
On 1/2/2018 at 10:44 PM, Rosetta said:

Hi, Trying,

 

I'm Rosetta.  I have a 6 year old, and I have wanted to meet you.  I just so happened to see your post on October 20 shortly after you posted it.  I wanted to rescue you somehow, but I, myself, was deep in the same state of mind at the time.  I couldn't even think straight enough to understand the information on the site.  I was still hoping I would find a medical solution to my problem then, and I was very distressed that you had serotonin syndrome.  Let's just say there were a lot of tears.

 

I just made a profile the other day.  My thread might trigger your symptoms, but my signature will tell you most of the story considering the knowledge you must have gained by now.  I am stuck -- waiting to get well -- riding the waves and waiting for the windows while caring for a child.  It's been quite horrifying.  I had been having mild (I suppose) WD symptoms for about 5 years while taking greater and greater doses of Zoloft.  Then,  I fast tapered the Zoloft in Feb of 2017.  By the time I found SA I thought I might have had a brain tumor.  Thankfully, I found SA before DP, DR and SI were happening often.  I'm quite sure I simply would have thought I was going to go completely mad.  No doubt I'd be "enjoying" an anti-psychotic right now.

 

I hope you have a long window very soon.

 

Yours,

Rosetta

 

 

 

Rosetta,

 

Thank you much for reaching out to me.  I am so terribly sorry that you have had to endure so much.  WD itself is so difficult, but the added responsibility of taking care of a child(ren) can be so overwhelming.  Be proud of yourself for doing so.  

 

I hope you are finding yourself in a much better place than in October.  Please let me know how I can support you.

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TryingToHoldOn
On 1/2/2018 at 10:47 PM, Terry4949 said:

Tryingtoholdon on what you have been describing is me all over , I am now 10 months of and like you November was better no way near better but tolerable but December I have hit a awfull wave with all the symptoms that you have referred to infact your page is if I have written it , I am in absolute despair the depression has crushed me once more my brain feels like it has been kicked round the park , the horrible crying jags and suicidel thoughts are back , all the physical symptoms are intense , I fall a sleep for a couple of hours and then I wake burning brain on fire and start the hell all over again , like you I thought that at 10 months I would start to see some improvement but the waves are getting worse how do we live like this , i cannot function I have no motivation I just want to sit and be alone no one can help , 

Terry,

I feel every bit of your pain and am so sorry for what your experiencing.  The only thing I can say is hold on.  As horrible as it is right now it can’t stay that way forever.  You said you a a tiny bit of relief in November and you will again.  I wish I could take this pain away from you because I know the depth that you’re experiencing.  Second by second you will make it through each day until you can breathe again.

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Terry4949
4 hours ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

Terry,

I feel every bit of your pain and am so sorry for what your experiencing.  The only thing I can say is hold on.  As horrible as it is right now it can’t stay that way forever.  You said you a a tiny bit of relief in November and you will again.  I wish I could take this pain away from you because I know the depth that you’re experiencing.  Second by second you will make it through each day until you can breathe again.

Thanks for your reply tryingtoholdon, the absolute apathy at the moment is awfull I can’t do anything just feel so fed up of being fed up no interest in life anything even though I push myself such a low and sad mood and the pulsating headaches do me in , I hope that in a few more months there is some signs of relief as it will be twelve months and I havnt had any symptoms go or ease yet only get worse , I wish I could heal everyone’s suffering .

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kesh
On Wednesday, January 03, 2018 at 4:40 AM, TryingToHoldOn said:

Honestly the only thing that has helped is just waiting because there have been days in the past that are less intense.  I just feel better because I do, but not because of anything that I do.  Does this make sense?

It's exactly how I feel. No control over this, just endure waves, hope for windows, wait for months or years with the thought it has another side to it, a thought you only just believe.

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Rosetta

Hi.  Thanks for asking how you could help.  That's very kind.  I'm ok at the moment.  I'm hoping you are, too.  

 

I'm so sorry that you are in this mess.  Hang in there; it really will get better.  Thank God for that.

 

Rosetta

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