TryingToHoldOn: Sertraline - protracted WD 6 months after last dose?

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/10/2017 at 11:22 AM, waves12 said:

Hi T

 

I do still get the crying spells, they just come of the blue and just cant stop them to order.  I don't really look at it as a bad thing and don't get alarmed about it. It can be a bit embarrassing if I am with my grown up sons when it happens as it did a couple of Sundays ago, I couldn't help it and felt bad for my son having to witness it, he knows I am in the wars at the moment.

 

For me I would rather have these strange outbursts of tears than the terrible anger I have experienced on and off, that was really scary for me.

 

It is all healing and progress in this recovery cycle, try not to fight the tears just let them come as suppressing them would not be helpful.

 

There seems to be patterns of emotions, some of which we just don't want, but it seems the whole system is doing the rounds of emotional and physical clean up and clean out.

 

You will be ok you know, it is a roller coaster but it will stop and all will come good for us.

 

I had a good run and of course as expected I got slammed into the rocks on Friday so the last few days have been tough again.  It will change back again for sure in a short while, it is the pattern of our recovery.

 

Try not to worry and just let go and let the body and mind do its thing.

 

xx

Waves,

 

You are incredible.  There is no doubt in my mind that you will heal completely.  I admire your mental fortitude and the calmness and assurance you bring.  It is a great comfort to have you as one of my friends.  I hope I will be able provide the same type of support to you as well.  May you find continued healing!  I'm rooting for you!

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/10/2017 at 3:25 PM, RachelSusan said:

My dear dear Trying,

 

Please don't be so hard on yourself.  When I was going through WD I was not capable of doing ANYTHING.  Everything over stimulated me.  I'm not experiencing WD symptoms at the moment but even now I can't go to the mall to go shopping because the sounds, the people, the movement, way too much....

 

You are correct, in saying that breaking down in tears over thinking about what you have to do with the clothing does not seem normal, however you are in a protracted withdrawal, that is not a normal state for a person and will do the strongest person in.  Withdrawal is a horrible drug induced illness. You have so much going on in your life in addition to withdrawal, please don't judge yourself by "normal."  In my humble opinion, for what's going on with you, you are managing more than most would in your position.

 

Is there anything that you can do for yourself at the moment to help calm you down?  For some people soft music, for other music would make it worse.  What about just laying down with a cool cloth over your forehead? Meditation? Deep breathing?  This may sound silly but I know someone that when stressed thinks about first breathing out her left nostril and then her right. No, she don't push with her finger on either side to help. She goes back and forth and tells me it distracts her and calms her down. What about a bath?  Temperature of your choice.  For me it is sometimes cool, other times hot. Anyway maybe you can come up with something that just for the moment might help you?

 

xoxo

RS

RS,

For some reason I feel that I would really like you and enjoy your company if we happened to meet in person.  It's too bad that we have to 'meet' under such circumstances.  

 

Thankfully that crying ended Sunday night.  I have been a little weepy here and there, but nothing like the days leading up to and including Sunday.  Of course, it's morphed into more debilitating physical symptoms. Odd how I wish for physical vs emotional or vice versa because I think the opposite is more bearable.  How wrong I am every time.  Surely all this will pass someday.

 

I continue to follow your progress and am so glad that you have been able to reinstate.  Slowly and cautiously wins the race.  You will be great and so relieved when this is over.  It can and will be done!

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/11/2017 at 3:40 PM, RachelSusan said:

--Alice1, What you said above is a huge inspiration for me.  Thank you.  I found your page and I am now following you. 

---TryingToHoldOn, you are an inspiration to me as well.  I know you are struggling, however I'm impressed with that fact that you keep putting one foot in front of another any move forward.

We will all make it the land of symptom free living, I know it.

xo

RS

Alice, BAT & RS,

 

  I'm so glad to have found a supportive community who understands!  It's lonely in the 'real' world because no one is capable of true empathy or understand unless you've been through this.

 

Praying for windows and healing!

[RachelSusan]

TryingToHoldOn,

Your response made my day. It is indeed a shame that we met under such difficult circumstances, but I am glad we met. Take care of yourself my friend.

RS.

[kara100]

Hi tryingtoholdon,                                           I just posted your reply on my forum.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/12/2017 at 9:55 PM, RachelSusan said:

TryingToHoldOn,

Your response made my day. It is indeed a shame that we met under such difficult circumstances, but I am glad we met. Take care of yourself my friend.

RS.

RS,

 

I hope your tapering is still going well.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/14/2017 at 3:02 AM, kara100 said:

Hi tryingtoholdon,                                           I just posted your reply on my forum.

Kara,

 

Thank you so much for graciously answering all my questions.  It means a lot  to have some perspective from someone who is mostly recovered.

 

I do have another question for you.  Were you able to socially interact with others the first 16 months of your WD?  I am finding it increasingly difficult to do so.  Right now it's to the point I can only interact with my children & husband comfortably. I force myself to talk to my children's teachers but then a panic attack normally ensues afterwards.  Thank you.

[RachelSusan]

Hi Trying,

I've had a few setbacks and I am now holding the Zoloft at 5 mg.  I will resume when symptoms calm down.  I follow your posts and keeping hoping for the best for you.

RS

[TryingToHoldOn]

Sorry to hear about your setbacks. Take your time...it is not a race.  Maybe you and I will end simultaneously, me fully recovered and you successfully tapered.  One can always hope.

[TryingToHoldOn]

Simple things that I miss

 

-drinking coffee

-girls' night out

-laughing with my family

-traveling

-running multiple errands in one day

-being comfortable in my own skin

-making plans and being able to follow thru

-enjoying life

 

I hope one day I'll return to a state of normalcy.  There are so many things in life we take for granted.  Never again.  

 

 

[Littlegrandma]

Hi trying

this is my list exactly!!

the simple things in life......funny your list caught my eye. 

Hoping the best for you and your family.....lg

[Alice1]

2 hours ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

drinking coffee

-girls' night out

-laughing with my family

-traveling

-running multiple errands in one day

-being comfortable in my own skin

-making plans and being able to follow thru

-enjoying life

From what I've read , If you can apply some of these thing on a minimal level while enduring WD it will help you heal, but you have to be very gentle with it to start .

 

Except for the coffee ..lol

[TryingToHoldOn]

5 hours ago, Littlegrandma said:

Hi trying

this is my list exactly!!

the simple things in life......funny your list caught my eye. 

Hoping the best for you and your family.....lg

Thank you, LG.  

My world views have changed quite a bit going through this WD.  I will most definitely be a more humble, caring and appreciative person.  

 

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

[TryingToHoldOn]

3 hours ago, Alice1 said:

From what I've read , If you can apply some of these thing on a minimal level while enduring WD it will help you heal, but you have to be very gentle with it to start .

 

Except for the coffee ..lol

Trying every day, Alice.  

 

You and and I will celebrate with a large cup of coffee when we recover! 

[Littlegrandma]

Thanks trying. You will also be in my prayers. I will meet you guys for that cup of coffee.....

girls night out!!

[TryingToHoldOn]

Hi.  I'm hoping someone can shed some light on this.  I have suffered from severe insomnia since December 2016.  Sometimes I can get a few hours of broken sleep and some days no sleep at all.  On occasion, I will sleep 5 hours straight through which you think would be something to celebrate, but it always brings on crippling anxiety!

 

Lately, if I fall asleep I get woken up by heart stopping anxiety.  It feels as though someone is pouring ice cold liquid anxiety into my chest over and over again and wakes me from my sleep.  If I'm fortunate enough to sleep a couple of hours I get this same feeling when I wake.  I know about morning cortisol, but this happens even earlier in the evening like at 9:00pm (when I'm woken from sleep) and feels different than the cortisol surges.  It also happens if I just lay down during the day to rest.  Even if I don't nap it seems as though my body has an aversion to me resting and that ice cold anxiety gets dumped into my chest leaving me in a panic and shaking.  The only way I can really describe it is that it feels toxic.

 

The irony is, I don't tend to get this feeling when I don't sleep at all.  Does anyone know why or what is happening?  My body is desperately sleep deprived and now is acting adversely to sleep.  Why do I feel worse getting sleep?

 

Thanks in advance for your insight.

[RachelSusan]

Hi TryingToHoldOn,

I used to get that same thing.  I would wake with a start, not slowly but extremely quickly and it was brutal, with anxiety, shaking, and heart pounding. It's hard to describe how awful it feels, but it is indeed awful. I would get it every morning and if I napped during the day, I would l wake up the same way.  It did eventually go away. Here's a link where it is discussed:

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  It is really terrible, but it does go away.

RS

[RachelSusan]

Here's another link which may offer additional information:

 

 

[kara100]

Hi tryingtoholdon,                                            It was hard for me to socialize with even my own family. I was feeling really worst for the first year, crying , depressed, crippling anxiety, severe insomnia, crying spells, repetetive thoughts about why I end up taking this drug. I remember my husband was getting a lot of joy from normal things and playing with my daughter but for me, I was always searching the SA website for some success stories to see if this nightmare will ever end. Now I feel normal but has food issues problems and a sleeping problem that I think I will recover from by next year or so. All I will say is that your first 1 year to 18 months can be really tough and then after that time you will see a lot of recovery coming. I am feeling really unwell in the last three days because of the flu that I got from my daughter but other than that I would say I am 70 percent recovered. I have had total of 50 symptoms and now come down to 4 to 5. Then you also have a hope. Just take good care of yourself and dont lose hope.

[Littlegrandma]

Trying, I have the same anxiety when I wake from sleep. Not the morning cortisol, as you explained. 

I would try to go back to sleep in the morning, after my 4 am wake up call. Even after I take my morning Ativan. I will wake up in just a few minutes with the anxiety rush. 

 Now I will not take a nap or try to go bad to bed in the morning. It terrifies me. 

 I have had insomnia for years. I have grown to dread bedtime. I usually wake up after 10 minutes. Never have trouble falling asleep. Just staying asleep. Now with these anxiety rushes, it's worse. And I always feel way worse when waking from this. I'd rather stay awake. Hope it passes in time. Soon!!!

lg

[TryingToHoldOn]

22 hours ago, kara100 said:

Hi tryingtoholdon,                                            It was hard for me to socialize with even my own family. I was feeling really worst for the first year, crying , depressed, crippling anxiety, severe insomnia, crying spells, repetetive thoughts about why I end up taking this drug. I remember my husband was getting a lot of joy from normal things and playing with my daughter but for me, I was always searching the SA website for some success stories to see if this nightmare will ever end. Now I feel normal but has food issues problems and a sleeping problem that I think I will recover from by next year or so. All I will say is that your first 1 year to 18 months can be really tough and then after that time you will see a lot of recovery coming. I am feeling really unwell in the last three days because of the flu that I got from my daughter but other than that I would say I am 70 percent recovered. I have had total of 50 symptoms and now come down to 4 to 5. Then you also have a hope. Just take good care of yourself and dont lose hope.

Kara,

 

Thank again.  Your replies are a lifeline.  On the days I feel hopeless and can't cope I read them over and over again.  I keep thinking maybe if I just hang on 6 more months I'll be able to see the light.

 

I hope you make a quick recovery from the flu.  Take care of yourself.  Xxx

[Alice1]

On ‎9‎/‎23‎/‎2017 at 1:08 PM, TryingToHoldOn said:

Lately, if I fall asleep I get woken up by heart stopping anxiety.  It feels as though someone is pouring ice cold liquid anxiety into my chest over and over again and wakes me from my sleep.  If I'm fortunate enough to sleep a couple of hours I get this same feeling when I wake.  I know about morning cortisol, but this happens even earlier in the evening like at 9:00pm (when I'm woken from sleep) and feels different than the cortisol surges.  It also happens if I just lay down during the day to rest.  Even if I don't nap it seems as though my body has an aversion to me resting and that ice cold anxiety gets dumped into my chest leaving me in a panic and shaking.  The only way I can really describe it is that it feels toxic.

 

Im not good today but wanted to tell you that Alto said she had this for the first 1.5 years (18 months)..

[waves12]

Hi T

 

How are you today?  Is the not sleeping still causing problems for you?

 

I have found that my sleep does what it wants, frustrating to say the least.  I had been having 6 hours for the most and then had a week or so when I was getting 7 or 8 hours recently and thought this is it my sleep is getting sorted out, but no its all weird again 5 or 6 hours which I mustn't complain about but I still feel exhausted most of the time.  It was only 2 hours for the first 11 months of my CT so it has approved.

 

I wake up with a jolt sometimes during the night and have no idea why. So hard to get back to sleep and sometimes I don't and just get up and watch t.v and feel annoyed at the world for sleeping whilst I am wide awake but so tired.

 

I am still up and down in the windows and waves and the waves seem worse when they hit but I don't think they are, they are just more disappointing and my reaction to them sure sets me up for a harder wave, frustrated that it has returned yet again.

 

I had many good days recently and do brace myself for that next wave as have come to except it is waiting around the next corner.

 

I follow your journal and always look forward to seeing how you are doing along with the other CT's.

 

On the whole looking at the last 16 months I am doing a lot better generally until a wave comes crashing in then I think I have not made any progress at all!

 

Waves xx

[TryingToHoldOn]

I am having a really terrible time/wave.  Does anyone else feel like they've had a lobotomy?  I struggle to do the simplest daily tasks.  My executive functioning is impaired and my head just does not feel right.  It's so difficult to describe.  Is this a normal WD symptom or should I be concerned about permanent brain damage?  I am very concerned and scared.

[Survivor1]

Hello Trying,

 

It's WD.  Last winter when I accidentally ct'd seroquel (long story), I felt the exact same way.  Even making a sandwich for my kids was a challenge:  had to decide what ingredients, open the fridge, take things out, transfer to counter top ... every minute step took effort.  Don't know how I got dinner made everyday, but I did.  

 

Don' t be concerned about brain damage - our bodies have the most incredible power to heal. I know it is very disheartening when you want to see results and don't, but please just put one foot in front the other.  It will happen.  

 

You have to accept that you will likely feel like this for a good while.  I developed tinnitus from my recent discontinuation, and was very distressed by it (still am).  But another member with it advised to treat it as a "companion".  I had been fighting it.  Now I manage it better (I'd still rather have it be gone, but it does not bedevil me the way it used to).

 

All the best to you.

[Littlegrandma]

16 hours ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

I am having a really terrible time/wave.  Does anyone else feel like they've had a lobotomy?  I struggle to do the simplest daily tasks.  My executive functioning is impaired and my head just does not feel right.  It's so difficult to describe.  Is this a normal WD symptom or should I be concerned about permanent brain damage?  I am very concerned and scared.

 

[Littlegrandma]

It's w/d T. 

After a decent afternoon yesterday, today I have incredible anxiety, depression and fatigue that have left my head and body like jello. 

Cant move or think. And I am very scared. I too am worried about permanent brain damage. The fog never seems to lift. Even on days where I feel physically better. 

  Hope today is bringing you some relief.          Lg

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/24/2017 at 3:51 PM, Alice1 said:

 

Im not good today but wanted to tell you that Alto said she had this for the first 1.5 years (18 months)..

Thank you

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 9/27/2017 at 9:46 AM, waves12 said:

Hi T

 

How are you today?  Is the not sleeping still causing problems for you?

 

I have found that my sleep does what it wants, frustrating to say the least.  I had been having 6 hours for the most and then had a week or so when I was getting 7 or 8 hours recently and thought this is it my sleep is getting sorted out, but no its all weird again 5 or 6 hours which I mustn't complain about but I still feel exhausted most of the time.  It was only 2 hours for the first 11 months of my CT so it has approved.

 

I wake up with a jolt sometimes during the night and have no idea why. So hard to get back to sleep and sometimes I don't and just get up and watch t.v and feel annoyed at the world for sleeping whilst I am wide awake but so tired.

 

I am still up and down in the windows and waves and the waves seem worse when they hit but I don't think they are, they are just more disappointing and my reaction to them sure sets me up for a harder wave, frustrated that it has returned yet again.

 

I had many good days recently and do brace myself for that next wave as have come to except it is waiting around the next corner.

 

I follow your journal and always look forward to seeing how you are doing along with the other CT's.

 

On the whole looking at the last 16 months I am doing a lot better generally until a wave comes crashing in then I think I have not made any progress at all!

 

Waves xx

Thank you for checking in on me.  I will write more when I'm feeling better.  I hope you are doing well.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 10/1/2017 at 4:51 PM, Survivor1 said:

Hello Trying,

 

It's WD.  Last winter when I accidentally ct'd seroquel (long story), I felt the exact same way.  Even making a sandwich for my kids was a challenge:  had to decide what ingredients, open the fridge, take things out, transfer to counter top ... every minute step took effort.  Don't know how I got dinner made everyday, but I did.  

 

Don' t be concerned about brain damage - our bodies have the most incredible power to heal. I know it is very disheartening when you want to see results and don't, but please just put one foot in front the other.  It will happen.  

 

You have to accept that you will likely feel like this for a good while.  I developed tinnitus from my recent discontinuation, and was very distressed by it (still am).  But another member with it advised to treat it as a "companion".  I had been fighting it.  Now I manage it better (I'd still rather have it be gone, but it does not bedevil me the way it used to).

 

All the best to you.

Thank you.  I will write a better response when I'm feeling better.  I have no idea how the moderators give such thoughtful, detailed responses when they are in a wave!

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 10/2/2017 at 8:27 AM, Littlegrandma said:

It's w/d T. 

After a decent afternoon yesterday, today I have incredible anxiety, depression and fatigue that have left my head and body like jello. 

Cant move or think. And I am very scared. I too am worried about permanent brain damage. The fog never seems to lift. Even on days where I feel physically better. 

  Hope today is bringing you some relief.          Lg

Thank you, LG.  I will stop by your thread and check in on you when a get a little reprieve from this wave.  It is all consuming right now.

[TryingToHoldOn]

Update: 7 months med free

 

Here are my list of symptoms:

 

*Terrified of being alone - GONE

*Terrified of being alone w/ my kids - GONE

*menstrual cycle stopped - GONE

*Irrational fear/terror 

*anxiety/panic

*depression 

*suicidal thoughts - still have, but not 24/7 like the first 3-4 months

*social anxiety 

*agoraphobia 

*acne on face - mild now, the first 6 months my face was covered with cystic acne; I never had problems with my skin prior to WD

*akathisia 

*hair loss - clumps of hair fall out when I wash, comb, or run my fingers thru my hair

*Internal vibrations 

*feeling like all my nerves are on fire 

*anhedonia

*no motivation

*mood lability

*crying spells

*rage/intense anger

*muscle aches/joint pain

*facial numbess

*head pressure - forehead/temple area

*brain - squeezing/pulsating/burning

*cognitive impairment

*brain fog

*feeling of being overwhelmed at all times

*low stress tolerance

*muscle twitches/myclonic jerks

*intrusive thoughts

*heart palpitations

*POTS

*head/body 'wooshing'

*hypersensitivty to sound

*insomnia

 

On a positive note, I experienced a 5 hour window yesterday where all the symptoms sort of faded into the background.  They didn't go away completely, but were more of an annoyance than debilitating.  I had mental clarity which reminded me of who I was and tasks were not difficult yesterday.  This has been the first partial window since my bad wave starting in August.

 

Today, I'm back in the thick of it again.

[Littlegrandma]

I'm sorry T that you're struggling again today. But a 5 hour window is a good sign. Wonderful!!

i hope you can experience another one tomorrow. 🤞🏻   Lg

[TryingToHoldOn]

Alto & Moderators,

 

Will you please look at my signature and introduction page?

 

I'm feeling quite suicidal and would like to know if a possible reinstatement is advisable or if I should just keep going.  At 7 months off I feel like things are turning for the worst and am barely hanging on.  Thank you for your time.

[baroquep]

Hi Trying,

 

Sorry to hear that you are not it a very good place right now, I know that long-term withdrawal can be a difficult to deal with, particularly if you haven't felt any relief from your symptoms in a long time.  Over the last seven months do you feel that the intensity of your symptoms has eased up or are they getting worse as time goes by?  what was the last consistent dose of sertraline that you took?  are you currently taking any other medications?  what symptoms are your currently experiencing (besides SI)?    

 

Some members, even after being off of the drugs for a long period of time have found that their symptoms continue to get worse and will attempt a reinstatement.  We recommend that you start at a very small dose to avoid having an adverse reaction and then titrate up only until you feel that the intensity of your withdrawal symptoms are alleviated. Reinstating won't necessarily get rid of all of the symptoms, but if successful, will help to alleviate the intensity of the symptoms.

I am going to attach a link to the information on reinstatement which I would encourage you to read so you understand that there are benefits and risks to be aware of before making the decision to reinstate.  If after reading, you are still interested in reinstating, please post back here and we will help you figure out the best starting dose for you.

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms
What to Expect in Reinstatement (James Heaney article)  

[TryingToHoldOn]

Please, please read my intro as my med history is much more complicated than took 'x' for 2 years now in WD.

 

All my physical symptoms have worsened and the panic and anxiety is just unreal.  Crying every day.  Insomnia since December.  The first 3 months I had suicidal thoughts 24/7 then it abated and is now back full force.  Can you please ask Alto to look at my intro and history?  I am really scared and feel like I'm losing my mind.  I'm the mother to a 3 & 5 year old and I'm terrified that I will never get well.

 

Thank you.

Edited October 20, 2017 by baroquep
Removed large unnecessary quote