☼ PapayaShake: tapering Cymbalta

[jen84]

Hi @PapayaShake, I read one of your posts on someone else's page, and what you describe in how you feel in your relationship in regards to feeling love is exactly how I feel. I get glimpses of love, from minutes sometimes even for hours, then theyre gone just like that. It is so hard to remember what those feelings felt like. I think I'm getting better at recognizing that this is not how I actually feel, and I have hope, it's just really hard sometimes. 

 

Are you using any sort of therapy to help get you through this? 

[Carmie]

Hi papayashake, 

 

I’m so sorry you are still struggling with anhedonia. It really is a horrible symptom. I remember once when I was going through it for quite a while I saw some yellow flowers n I could actually feel joy, it was amazing. 

 

I’m glad you got to paint. The beach really is my happy place. I remember last time I was down the Coast at my sister’s place the anhedonia was so bad and I couldn’t enjoy anything, but I still went to the beach anything. Nothing will stop me from going to the beach! 🌊😄

 

I’m so sorry going out for you is scary. I don’t find it scary myself, and I don’t suffer from social phobia or have problems with crowds ( I go to lots of concerts). My problem is my illness ( CFS), I haven’t been able to go out because I’ve been stuck in bed and haven’t had the strength to move much. I’m going out tonight though. Yay! 

 

Please keep us updated here in your thread. I have been wondering how you’re doing as it pains me so much that you struggle so severely with anhedonia. Anhedonia is a defence mechanism though, as I’ve read in this site,

. 

Yes, distractions are the only way to go whether we’re anhedonic or extremely anxious.

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

 

Edited January 2, 2019 by Carmie

[PapayaShake]

Hi @jen84

 

 

 

I’m so sorry you are going through this too. I wish no one would have to go through something like this. I know how hard this is, as I am experiencing it myself and I have also forgotten how it is to feel love…

 

At the moment, I’m not getting any therapy. I can’t afford it right now. I have bought some self-help books but haven’t been able to get much form them because besides the loss of feelings I’m also struggling with cognitive issues, so either what I’m reading makes no sense or I can’t internalize whatever says there. I’m also trying to meditate. But besides that, the only help I’m getting comes pretty much from this forum, reading success stories and talking with some people with whom I share similar experiences. It's the only thing that keeps me somehow afloat.

[PapayaShake]

Hi @Carmie😄😄

 

How are you doing?  I saw on your thread you were cross tapering and are about to go onto the second phase. I Hope all goes well and you don’t get much withdrawal symptoms or any at all.

 

It has happened to me. Feeling the breeze and getting a glimpse of joy, I just stand still and try to enjoy while it lasts, it has not happened lately sadly. The anhedonia seems to be going nowhere… I’m so afraid to be like this forever and feeling a little hopeless.

 

Thankfully going out is not scary anymore, that was back in 2012, I still don’t want to go out now but it’s because lack of motivation rather.

 

Was the CFS caused by pills or were you like this before? I had a lot of fatigue during the first stages of tapering, it was really hard to get out of bed. But that improved a lot.

 

Today is my last day at work as I’m about to start vacations for 2 weeks. So I’m looking forward to rest during these days, I think I will go to the beach too… I don’t feel very excited about it but I hope I can get some sense of peace once I get there.

 

Sending hugs too!!🌼

[Carmie]

Hi Papayashake, 

 

I’m so sorry you’re still not getting windows with your anhedonia. I’m glad you’re able to get out again nowadays though.  Just the fact that you’ve had tiny glimpses of the anhedonia lifting shows that your brain is healing. It’s just a really, really slow process. I wonder if when you get to even lower doses of your meds if it might lift a bit? It’s anyones guess. 

 

No, the CFS wasn’t caused by the meds. I’ve had it for over 24years. I have read of some that got it though after taking the meds. The meds affect the CNS, and CFS is a CNS illness. 

 

That’s nice you’re going to the beach, even if you can’t find the joy in it. I still make myself do things like that too no matter whether I’m anhedonic or not. It’s a weird feeling when you can’t enjoy things, isn’t it?

 

Have you tapered since last September? If you have, could you please update your signature, thanks.

 

You’ll have to let me know about your beach trip. I actually dreamt I was at the beach last night. Yes, I do love the beach. I dream about it when I can’t get there apparently.🤣🤣 Take care, Sending hugs🤗

[PapayaShake]

Update.

 

I’m just 3 beads away from being Cymbalta free. I hope to take my last capsule on May 31 2019.

The taper has been smooth and steady with only few mild physical symptoms between drops, mainly flu like symptoms and very little akathisia winch resolves in more or less one week. This last drop has been a little bit rougher, since I’ve had more akathisia than usual, but is nothing unbearable and it only lasts a couple of hours in the morning.

Waking up has gotten significantly easier, a feel a little dread but much less compared to before when I could barely get out of bed.

 

I still struggle with motivation, I do more things now, like cooking and cleaning, but its still hard… my room still looks like a battleground. I feel guilty for not keeping it tidy enough but I try not to punish myself for it.

 

The worst is the anhedonia. I feel that the more I tapper the less I feel, the less I care about people. I’m just going through the motions.

 

I can remember my life was an emotional crisis every day, now I’m calmer, but I don’t know if it is because things are getting better or because I’m number than ever before.

My relationship is hanging by a thread, the inability to love has caused havoc. We are trying to work things out, but I have sort of lost hope, and somehow don’t care because I can’t feel anything. I want to save my relationship, but I feel like I am just looking from afar, without being able to do anything. Having anyone around is overwhelming actually. I don’t talk to people unless it is necessary, I dread going out. I has lost grasp of my life and also feel like whatever I don’t care anymore.

 

WakeMeUp suggested it might be because the lower the dose is the harder it gets to taper and pointed to the Serotonin Transporter Occupancy graphs, so I hope I can start healing after finally quitting for good.

 

Overall, I can see I have improved, I’m better. But still going through the windows and waves pattern. Everyday symptoms change, some return, some go away and then return back again. But at least life has become bearable for quite some time now.

[Altostrata]

Hi, Papaya. Good to see your taper is going well.

 

Since you're having a bit of difficulty reducing at 3 beads, you might want to rest from tapering a bit longer, let your nervous system adjust before the final reductions.

 

Yes, that curve is a bear, isn't it?

 

The emotional anesthesia is an after-effect of antidepressants, it will very gradually go away.

 

A lot of people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

[PapayaShake]

Hi Alto

Thanks so much for checking up on me. Im so desperate to finish this tappering, but you're right its better not to risk it when so little is left I'll be very careful and wait enough between each reduction. 

 

Im trying to take fish oil again but I've to ad it up slowly, I was taking 6 caps daily and I stopped, then tried to take the same dose again after almost a month of not taking it but my body seems to needto get used to it again It used to help a lot so I'm going back to it. I wil add magnesium in a small dose after I get back to the 6 daily capsules

Thank you so much for your help I don't Know where I'd be with you guys! 

[jen84]

Wow, congrats on getting so far with your taper!!! Almost at the finish line. I really hope your anhedonia eases up for you soon. 

 

Take it easy on yourself in this last push, i am really excited to hear you're on the home stretch!

[Carmie]

Well done on your taper papayashake, 

 

Yes, as Alto said, have a little rest from tapering. You’re doing so well though, you can see the finish line. Yay!

 

Sending hugs🤗

[PapayaShake]

Hi Carmie and Jen, it’s been some time since the last time I checked on my own topic Thank you both so much, this has been a though journey. Your encouragement is so appreciated

 

I held on 3 beads for 2 months and a half, my system stabilized and I gave it some more time, I just reduced to 2 beads like a week ago or so and I’m getting that mild akathisia I always get when going down, but its bearable. I don’t know when the next drop will be, I want to make sure to go slow enough not to trigger any bad reactions. It scares me because next drop will be 50% and then 100%, but I’m also exited to finally stop taking this poisonous drug.

 

After almost 6 months of seeing no light I think I’m in the middle of a window yay!

I haven’t regained my emotions yet but I’m in a much more bearable state for now.

 

@Carmie I read you are having a hard time, you are such a warrior, just take it easy and take care of yourself, im so happy to hear your anhedonia has lifted a bit!!

 

 

@jen84

 

I’m glad you were able to move and unpack, I moved like 6 moths ago and packing and unpacking was big challenge. I too want to feel again, I'm still numb, but many people has said they recover their feeling so lets wait for that time to come for us.

[jen84]

Wow, you are getting so close!!! I am really excited for you. I remember tapering my last couple beads of effexor and it was terrifying. But between each drop i gave myself lots of time, and alas, it wasn't too bad! I sure hope the same happens for you. 

[PapayaShake]

Hello everybody!

 

I'm here with some good news 

 

On June 25th I had my last bead of cymbalta. So it's been almost one month drug free!!

I didn't  have any major symptoms after quitting, just the usual mild ones I had every time I lowered the dose and now they are almost gone. )the akathisia, dry mouth, metalic flavor etc.)

My memory is a lot better and my cognitive issues are more than 50% better. 

I still don't feel any romantic feelings and PSSD is present. But I feel a bit more peace inside. Its more bearable to be in my own skin

I feel like I still have to find myself, like I don't know who I am, but I also feel a lot of improvement. 

 

In this last phase I practically waited like a month and a half and 2 months between each drop, and each drop was just one single pellet of cymblata that measured  like 1/2 mm diameter.

This stuff was pretty strong, but i finally made it. 

 

If it wasn't for this forum I don't know were I'd be. Thanks to everyone who makes this possible. 

I hope I can heal some more and be able to write a success story one day.

 

[ChessieCat]

That's good news to hear.  Please do continue to update and let us know how you are going.  It will be much appreciated.

 

[PapayaShake]

 

Today a year ago I took my last cymbalta dose, one bead.

 

I don't feel ready to write a success story yet, but I cannot deny that so far a lot of things have improved.

 

Life has become bearable, enough to keep a job and to work on some personal projects.

 

I was in a very bad  place, days felt dark and psychotic, as if I was immersed in a lost dimension, nothing made sense and everyday was a nightmare. I could barely step out of bed  in the morning or deal with people, and  when I was at my workplace I sneaked out to the bathroom so I could desperately cry, and rushed quickly back home just so I could continue crying. I felt dread all day long and I wished, prayed, begged I would die in my sleep and stop existing.

 

Some of the symptoms I had were,

 

Cortisol spikes, morning dread, suicidal feelings, suicidal ideation, crying spells, extreme mood swings, no energy during the day, chronic sleepiness and flu like symptoms, feeling as if my head was made out of cotton, depersonalization, derealization, anhedonia, I lost the ability to feel and love, loss of taste, lack of empathy, no motivation to do anything even my hobbies, extreme anger, extreme irritability, inability to concentrate at all, loss of memory, I felt like my soul was sucked out of my body. Panic attacks, sometimes I couldn't even move. 

 

Now,  the cortisol spikes are completely gone along with the crying spells, flu-like symptoms and sleepiness.I can sleep pretty well  through the night now. I don't feel like I'm about to lose my mind  anymore.

 

I can concentrate much, much better. My memory is also better, I do have to write to keep track of my  tasks, but it is much better than before. My mood is much more stable.

I still deal with anger to a lower level, it's still annoying and I feel like I hate people and want to be alone pretty often, but I can control myself now. I can concentrate and understand stuff again but for some reason this causes me intense boredom and rejection to the point it triggers me, so I avoid reading, writing or engaging in any kind of intellectual task as much as I can, it's more like a motivational issue.

 

I still deal with the anhedonia part big time, I do feel more present, but inside me is like a lost some sort of connection to I don't know what, that made me feel human.  I can navigate life with my reasoning,   but I lost some things like intuition,  the ability to “ listen to your heart” and that kind of thing.

 

I was a very creative person, but after this it's like I lost the ability to imagine, to create, to connect to art. Music usually triggers me. Things that are supposed to be enjoyable are rather irritating. I can tolerate people much more but it's not like my ability to feel and love has come back yet and these are the main reasons why I still don't feel healed. I still don't feel like I'm myself.

 

But despite all, in general life is manageable to the point I can live my day without constantly thinking about how bad I feel, or obsessively looking for validation online and that is a big, big step.

 

For whoever reading this, that is still in the darkest of their withdrawal, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I thought I was never going to feel ok again, but even though I'm not 100% healed yet,  I am not in agony anymore, I might even say I'm more in the side of healing. 

 

So let's see what this new antidepressant free year brings, guess I'll patiently wait until I can write my success story. I hope this day will come.

 

As always I'm forever grateful for this forum and all the people that make it possible, this place is still like some sort of home to me. You guys deserve a place in heaven, or something very nice if you do not believe in heaven. 

 

 

 

P.D. Sorry if there are any typos

 

 

 

Edited June 25, 2020 by ChessieCat
unbolded font

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, PapayaShake said:

so far a lot of things have improved.

 

Thank you for this great update, PapayaShake.

[gardenlady]

8 hours ago, PapayaShake said:

 

Today a year ago I took my last cymbalta dose, one bead.

 

I don't feel ready to write a success story yet, but I cannot deny that so far a lot of things have improved.

 

I still deal with anger to a lower level, it's still annoying and I feel like I hate people and want to be alone pretty often, but I can control myself now. I can concentrate and understand stuff again but for some reason this causes me intense boredom and rejection to the point it triggers me, so I avoid reading, writing or engaging in any kind of intellectual task as much as I can, it's more like a motivational issue.

 

I still deal with the anhedonia part big time, I do feel more present, but inside me is like a lost some sort of connection to I don't know what, that made me feel human.  I can navigate life with my reasoning,   but I lost some things like intuition,  the ability to “ listen to your heart” and that kind of thing.

 

Things that are supposed to be enjoyable are rather irritating. I can tolerate people much more but it's not like my ability to feel and love has come back yet and these are the main reasons why I still don't feel healed. I still don't feel like I'm myself.

 

 

I'm so glad that you have improved, but must admit that it is terribly frightening that the anhedonia is still unchanged after you've being off for a year, especially after a slow, proper taper.  I'm tapering at about the same speed as you and have most of the same symptoms.  I've lost ALL relationships as I no longer care about anyone....even people I've known and loved my whole life...and I can't fake it.  Losing one's humanity is beyond terrifying and I'm horrified that these symptoms are still present for you.  I do wonder if it's permanent.....if we will ever be human again and able to love and care about others.   I am at 17 beads and figure that I have about another 18 months to 2 years left in my taper.  I am merely existing....not living.  And, at age 67, it's pretty scary knowing that I don't have much time left. 

 

I think it's shameful that people in the withdrawal community think that slow-tapering is a magic bullet.  Virtually everyone who is suffering after a rapid taper or CT attributes thinks they wouldn't be in their miserable situation if they had slow-tapered.  Of course it's better to go slowly, but it's no guarantee of coming through unscathed, which most people believe.  These drugs are as bad or worse than any street drug and the people who approved them and prescribe them should be locked up.  It's an atrocity and I wonder if I'll ever get over the anger and rage of what has been done to us unsuspecting and trusting "patients."

[ChessieCat]

@gardenlady

 

PapayaShake's taper cannot be compared with your own experience.  Even though you are both taking Cymbalta, your tapering issues might be due to other factors.  Other drugs from your drug signature all since August 2016 (which is only about 3.5 years ago): Ativan, Ambien, Lexapro and Valium.

[PapayaShake]

Hi @gardenlady

 

I can totally relate to how are you feeling,  and everyday, to some extent I still deal with the regret of taking this pill, with the horrifying fact that my life has changed fore ever in so much ways and how much I can't get back, at least not right away. I have also lost a lot relationships and I fear that I might end up alone, because I practically pushed everyone away and wasn't able to even tolerate people for a long time.

But I have also reached a point where life has become easier,  even regarding relationships. This includes the fact that I've had to learn to accept what has happened and adapt to this new way of life, it has been like a duel process in which the person I was mourning was myself.  When I was in the deepest of withdrawal I saw everything black, I was 100% sure I was never going to heal and that my life was going to be a hell forever and ever. But I think, that is also a side effect of this withdrawal, it makes everything negative and hopeless. As I moved further away from that pill, things started to clear more and more. That's why  even thought I am not healed, I'm grateful for where I am. 

 

Healing comes, slowly but it comes. Our lives have changed, well have to adapt, but  that doesn't have to mean we will always be in pain.  I used to just exist too, but I am starting to live,

I was really bad at the point where you are now, but things got better.

Don't give up.

 

And for the record, my tapper wasn't that smooth, my doctor made me jump from 120 mg to 90 and then to 60 in just two weeks!!!, which was too fast,  after that it was useless to reinstate. 

I had a very bad reaction back then. I also tapered too fast in the begging reducing 10% off the initial dose.  It wasn't until much later that I found the correct way to tapper and things started to stabilize,  and that might have messed me up. 

[PapayaShake]

 

Hi everyone  reading this!

 

On June 25th was my 2nd year meds free anniversary! yay!

 

I have thought about writing a success story but I’m afraid it might turn out a bit depressive in the end and the point of success stories is to motivate people I guess.

but I can’t deny I am a lot better so I thought I will keep writing my progress instead.

 

In summary life is now bearable, most of the dark scary symptoms are now gone or sometimes unnoticeable if I don’t give them much thought and keep myself busy.

 

I can get up, work, go out, eat even sleep pretty normal and I’m not having constant break downs anymore.

On a daily basis I can function pretty normal and I’m very thankful for that.

 

I’m still dealing with anhedonia, and maybe I’m being a little too hard on myself, but for me this makes it feel like it´s not success yet.

I have trouble connecting with people, with things, activities, with my thoughts, with the way I interpret life, with spirituality.

I do feel much better, the feeling of emptiness used to be almost unbearable. In a scale of 100 to -100 I feel like I have finally reached 0 but I’m missing so much more.

 

So well let’s see how it goes in another year I guess!

 

As always thanks for keeping this forum running I don’t know where I would be without it.

[Hanna72]

Hi @PapayaShake

Congratulations on your 2 year anniversary. What a wonderful update, I am so happy for you.

Keep thriving and all the best to you.

[Gridley]

48 minutes ago, PapayaShake said:

On June 25th was my 2nd year meds free anniversary! yay!

That is fantastic, PapayaShake!

 

 

[PapayaShake]

Hi everyone again

 

@gridley and @hannah72 thank you very much!!

 

I also have question

 

As I have already stated I'm 2 years off any antidepressants. But at 22 months off, cortisol spikes retuned after more than a year without having them. I’m now waking up at 4 am with very bad anxiety This is getting worsened by the fact that I broke up with my girlfriend to what now seems to be forever since she has moved on. (The cortisol spikes started months before the breakup).

 

The thing is I wake up at 4:00 am and spend the morning in panic and dread and with my head full of intrusive thoughts almost unable to work some days. Things start to settle down around 3 pm and by night I’m relaxed and optimistic, sometimes even euphoric.

This has become a pattern every day. I can identify the cortisol spikes as a wave during the recovery process, but since the other symptoms seem be in some kind of pattern too, I was wondering if this might be some kind of wave triggered by the breakup, which is being very painful and hard to deal with, and I know some situations can trigger setbacks.

 

Is there a chance this is caused by some hormones or something just like the cortisol spikes? Is there a way to even my moods? I exercise and do some breathing exercises every morning to try to reduce the anxiety.

 

Any feedback is welcome, thanks

[PapayaShake]

I have felt awful these past months.

 

I don’t know if withdrawal is making things worse or if it is just me.

I’m having really bad cortisol spikes and morning dread and I’m totally depressed to the point where working is becoming impossible. I had a lot of issues that were not healed yet like anhedonia lack of feelings, lack of motivation and I feel that is making my situation even worse.

 

Anyway, I had a very discouraging talk with my sister’s husband yesterday. He is a doctor and even though he told me this with good intentions it totally triggered me.

He told me I should try medication again and recommended Lexapro. He is not even a psychiatrist; he is young and got his GP degree like 2 years ago. He told me how misinformed I am and paranoid for looking too much into the internet, that all that is just conspiracy theories just exactly like antivaxxers. That Lexapro was a new generation drug much better than all the others and that he has given this to many of his patients and has seen them get better. I have seen so much horror stories from Lexapro here too. I don’t want to touch any other antidepressant in my life again, I’m pretty sure a lot of my current struggles are still being cause by withdrawal

 

Then he went on telling me how this is not affecting me but my whole family too because they are in pain too seeing me so bad. That made me feel so guilty and now I’m really struggling because I feel like a burden to everyone around me.

 

He told me that being medicated for life is normal and I should not be ashamed, that if I needed that I should consider it and give it a shot and if it didn’t work, I could just easily stop because this “new generation antidepressants” are not like the old ones and don’t cause any withdrawal issues.

 

This made feel even worse, like a non-compliant patient with no hopes to get out of my current state. What got to me the most is how this is affecting my family not just me talk. I feel so bad right now.

[PapayaShake]

I guess my nervous system has been destabilized by what is happening to me.

 

I have always deal with anxiety but this is much more. I’m in panic and dread through the whole day. It only lifts at night. My sleep quality is awful, I go to bed and wake up at 4 am with dread and feeling like I didn’t sleep at all.  I feel like I´m in a deep dark whole full of intrusive dark thoughts feeling like my life is over and I have no future.

 

I have been going to therapy for the past month. I Have started to practice pranayama and Sudarshan Kriya breathing exercises which seem to be helping but just a little.

I always exercised at least 5 days a week and now I’m also going out for walks in the afternoon too.

 

My stomach hurts a lot and I have lost around 15 pounds (7 kg) in just 2 months

Right now, I feel in hell, I just went like 20 steps back from all the process I felt I made.

 

I’m living with my mom now because being at home alone makes me cry for hours and I can´t even get the energy to cook for myself or clean or anything.

Even though I finished my tapper more than 2 years ago I still have to deal with this and not having recovered motivation is not helping at all, nothing lifts my mood and some days I cannot even get out of bed and the only thing I can think of is how I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up anymore.

 

I started taking fish oil, I’m extracting the liquid with a syringe and increasing the amount drop by drop so it won’t make my feel bad.

I’m trying to stay in the present and thinking on acceptance.

 

But, this is a lot I really don’t know how else to be strong.

[Hms123]

On 9/14/2021 at 2:24 PM, PapayaShake said:

I have felt awful these past months.

 

I don’t know if withdrawal is making things worse or if it is just me.

I’m having really bad cortisol spikes and morning dread and I’m totally depressed to the point where working is becoming impossible. I had a lot of issues that were not healed yet like anhedonia lack of feelings, lack of motivation and I feel that is making my situation even worse.

 

Anyway, I had a very discouraging talk with my sister’s husband yesterday. He is a doctor and even though he told me this with good intentions it totally triggered me.

He told me I should try medication again and recommended Lexapro. He is not even a psychiatrist; he is young and got his GP degree like 2 years ago. He told me how misinformed I am and paranoid for looking too much into the internet, that all that is just conspiracy theories just exactly like antivaxxers. That Lexapro was a new generation drug much better than all the others and that he has given this to many of his patients and has seen them get better. I have seen so much horror stories from Lexapro here too. I don’t want to touch any other antidepressant in my life again, I’m pretty sure a lot of my current struggles are still being cause by withdrawal

 

Then he went on telling me how this is not affecting me but my whole family too because they are in pain too seeing me so bad. That made me feel so guilty and now I’m really struggling because I feel like a burden to everyone around me.

 

He told me that being medicated for life is normal and I should not be ashamed, that if I needed that I should consider it and give it a shot and if it didn’t work, I could just easily stop because this “new generation antidepressants” are not like the old ones and don’t cause any withdrawal issues.

 

This made feel even worse, like a non-compliant patient with no hopes to get out of my current state. What got to me the most is how this is affecting my family not just me talk. I feel so bad right now.

Hi there,

 

I can absolutely see how such comments make you feel bad. Withdrawals is bad enough but to be told its all in your head makes it so much more painful (ive been told the same thing by several gps in the UK). Withdrawal is very real as you well know, and the medical establishment is slowly starting to realise this. He nor any other medical professional knows much about these pills or how they work unfortunately so his or any other DRs opinion means very little.

 

Saying that this is affecting your family as well is an incredibly selfish thing to say to someone who is obviously suffering (even if he thinks its all in your head). You are not a burden, you are very brave to be going through all this, and one day you will feel better! 

 

Sorry you are having such a rubbish time x 

[PapayaShake]

Hi @Hms123

 

Thanks a lot for the reassurance, it is sad that most medical professionals don’t know about withdrawal, so yes we all have to keep reminding ourselves that withdrawal is real and that it is not in our heads.

 

Really thanks for coming in and giving some encouragement I really appreciate it, sometimes it is form people in here where I can find some strength at times like this.

[PapayaShake]

Hi there.

 

just  writing to update.

I have been feeling a bit better.

 

I have been doing therapy with a trauma therapist since finding out most of my mental health problems (pre-meds) were due to C-PTSD (Complex post traumatic stress disorder)

I have also been reading and practising self help tools to release a lot of the stored trauma.

 

At the beginning of my last breakdown I went back to dealing with a lot of neuromotions and I have found that a lot of them were repressed trauma responses and not just random emotions. In my experience it feels like these suppressed emotions were amplified by withdrawal, because as I continue working with them, the negative emotions are starting to lose intensity and I feel lighter. 

 

My feelings seem to be starting to return, I'm finding myself a bit calmer and like I don't hate people or the world that much, And sometimes I feel a bit like when I was falling in love with my ex-partner and like I want to care for her. It is a bit too late though.

Some days I even feel motivation. It's the first time I’m feeling these positive feelings since I started taking antidepressants. They come and go in windows and waves but at least they have started to appear.

 

The only supplement I have been taking is flaxseed which contains omega 3, since everytime I take the fish oil capsules my brain feels like it is on fire.

Morning cortisol spikes are still a thing but, as I release negative emotions it seems like there are less reasons to fuel the irrational fear.

 

hope things can keep getting better

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

That is absolutely amazing. I hope you continue to see improvements.💚

[Altostrata]

That's wonderful to hear, @PapayaShake Do you have any lingering withdrawal symptoms? If not, how long did it take for those to go away?

[PapayaShake]

Hi!

 

@ThatOneGirlStitch thank you very much!

 

@Altostrata

 

From all the WD symptoms I had I would say cognitively I'm like 90% healed. I still struggle to connect thoughts and sometimes It takes some time to find words when speaking but It's something that goes unnoticed by other people. I can now read  books of  200+pages  in a single day and I can comprehend everything pretty well. I would say that after 1.5 years off the meds I was already feeling more or less like this.

 

Physically I also feel in good condition, I guess my physical symptoms only lasted until I finished tapering and only appeared after each dose reduction (tiredness, flu like symptoms, light sensitivity, stomach irritability), the only thing left unresolved is tinnitus, but I only notice it if I intentionally pay attention, it does not disrupt my daily activities. 

 

I'm still very sensitive to supplements, my cognition suffers anytime I skip the flaxseed supplement and I can't tolerate stuff like green tea for example. But I'm fine as long as I stay away from those.

 

What bothers me the most now is anhedonia and lack of motivation. I feel much more stable but I still have a lot of progress to make (maybe I’m like 40% better). I do have some little windows here and there with some good emotions,(like once an afternoon every 2 or 3 weeks,) but getting motivated and doing things is still a very big struggle, and that is the main reason I still don't declare myself a success story. Also pssd is also nowhere near back to normal (I would say this is only like 15% improved).  Sometimes I'm scared these will never go back to normal.

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

 

Please see this topic:  How to write your success story

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

ALRIGHT! keep getting better. Kick that anhedonia's butt!!!!