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UnderPressure: Risperidone - will my emotions ever return?


UnderPressure

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I've been off of this drug for about 8 months now. I was on 3mg for 4 months

 

I have no drive, passion, or interest in anything. The zest of life is gone and I'm simply existing.

 

I can't start a conversation much less contribute to one someone else has started.

 

I'm trying to "fake it till you make it", but it's getting old.

 

I don't remember the last time I truly laughed. Love and joy are things I see other people display and I am yearning to experience those emotions again.

 

I have no sex drive.

 

I hate to sound like I'm throwing a pity party, but I feel like my quality of life is ruined and I see no hope. Like, I'm afraid I'll be like this for the rest of my life and I'm only 29.

 

 

How LONG does it take for you to get your emotions back? If ever? Someone give me some hope....please?

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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Hi,

Noone can ever tell the recovery, nor the material means except the patience .

 

I am in the same boat. Trying things. But still same. The doctor who ruined me denied everything. Its acceptance for us, denial for them.

08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome UnderPressure,

I'm sorry you are still feeling unwell after 8 months. Unfortunately, it can take a while for some people to get back to normal after being on these kinds of medications.

 

How did you stop taking Risperidone, did you taper?

 

Are there any other medications in your history? Are you taking anything now?

 

When we have a few more details about your situation, we might be able to offer some suggestions.

 

Petunia.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Hi Petunia! Thank you for your response.

 

I am currently taking no other medications.

 

Back in September of 2016 I realized all my emotions were gone and living like a lobotomized zombie was literal hell on earth. I could not spend one more day on the drug so I went off cold-turkey.

 

I'm currently taking L-tryptophan, Natural Calm, fish oil, magnesium, Lithium Orotate (not Rx), and an amino acid complex. Occasionally I'll add a drop of sacred frankinsense to my water.

 

Physically I feel great. And the physical side effects diminished after about 4 weeks off....so that was great.

 

Emotionally? well, that's a different story.

 

Anhedonia is terrible and I'm scared that this is going to be the rest of my life. It's been 8 months.....I'm losing hope that I'll ever experience joyful and loving emotions again.

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Going CT is not recommended. What withdrawal symptoms did you experience? Has the anhedonia become worse since you stopped the drug?

 

I know how awful anhedonia is, its been a significant symptom as I've been recovering from long term antidepressant use. Through all the years I was taking medication, my emotions were blunted, probably about 50%. But in withdrawal I had a complete absence of any positive emotions for about 2 years, but slowly they have  been coming back. Apparently, this is one of the last symptoms to go.

 

I remember the first time I laughed after not finding anything funny for a very long time. It was such a relief to realize I still had a sense of humor, and it wasn't gone for ever.

 

Your history, situation and drugs taken is different from mine, so you may recover your emotions faster than me. But it will happen.

 

These videos mostly refer to recovery from antidepressant use, but they are also relevant for other psychiatric drugs:

 

 

 

and here is a discussion topic about withdrawal related anhedonia: Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness - Symptoms ...

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Hey bro! as perverse as this sounds, I got a little encouragement from reading your story! I'm not the only one living like a lobotomized zombie! Hooray!

 

we have to try and be funny about it, but it's hell itself.

 

I'm off meds four months now. my 5 months on meds was 100% zombie, now I'm 93% zombie. Hooray!

 

But I scour the internet every day for similar stories and there are lots of them!

 

I currently feel like I won't recover but apparently everyone feels like that but it seems most people do recover...

 

As for hope? there are quiet a few stories on this site which give a lot of hope. I guess mine just about falls in to that category cos I have had minor improvements...

 

but better stories for hope.. Aeroman...http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14221-aeroman-havent-logged-in-for-awhile-i-have-recovered-from-lexapro-and-cipro/

 

schizor..(although I think he relapsed, there is a lot of hope in his story)...http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6664-%E2%98%BC-schizor-can-the-brain-recover-from-antipsychotics/?hl=schizor

 

raven...is nowhere near recovered but showing signs...http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/13985-raven530-10-months-since-sertraline-cold-turkey/?hl=raven

 

My favourite story for hope..this guy was in this despair after nearly a year, but then things changed....risperdalhater..http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12502-risperdalhater-my-risperdal-story-and-how-it-has-affected-my-life/page-2

 

A final thought, not sure about the supplements your taking, you might wanna check in with the mods to get a bit of clarity on those.

 

Fish oil and magnesium seem to be the only ones that are universally recommended.

 

Welcome to the party!

 

Nick

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Going CT is not recommended. What withdrawal symptoms did you experience? Has the anhedonia become worse since you stopped the drug?

 

I know how awful anhedonia is, its been a significant symptom as I've been recovering from long term antidepressant use. Through all the years I was taking medication, my emotions were blunted, probably about 50%. But in withdrawal I had a complete absence of any positive emotions for about 2 years, but slowly they have  been coming back. Apparently, this is one of the last symptoms to go.

 

I remember the first time I laughed after not finding anything funny for a very long time. It was such a relief to realize I still had a sense of humor, and it wasn't gone for ever.

 

Your history, situation and drugs taken is different from mine, so you may recover your emotions faster than me. But it will happen.

 

These videos mostly refer to recovery from antidepressant use, but they are also relevant for other psychiatric drugs:

 

 

 

and here is a discussion topic about withdrawal related anhedonia: Anhedonia, apathy, demotivation, emotional numbness - Symptoms ...

 

 

 

Thank you for the links Petunia!

It's kind of hard to describe but I guess if felt like my brain was swollen. I had a lip quiver that lasted about 4 weeks after stopping, but that went away pretty quick. Muscle weakness as well.

 

The anhedonia set in while I was on the med and that's really why I got off. I did not like that feeling of no real emotions.

 

I'm glad to hear that you began to laugh! That's something that I'm still hoping to do. Right now, it's I laugh when others do but I don't see what's funny.

Is that similar to what you experienced? And how long did it take before you were able to 'truly' laugh?

 

How long have you been off meds and how has the anhedonia improved for you?

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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Hey bro! as perverse as this sounds, I got a little encouragement from reading your story! I'm not the only one living like a lobotomized zombie! Hooray!

 

we have to try and be funny about it, but it's hell itself.

 

I'm off meds four months now. my 5 months on meds was 100% zombie, now I'm 93% zombie. Hooray!

 

But I scour the internet every day for similar stories and there are lots of them!

 

I currently feel like I won't recover but apparently everyone feels like that but it seems most people do recover...

 

As for hope? there are quiet a few stories on this site which give a lot of hope. I guess mine just about falls in to that category cos I have had minor improvements...

 

but better stories for hope.. Aeroman...http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/14221-aeroman-havent-logged-in-for-awhile-i-have-recovered-from-lexapro-and-cipro/

 

schizor..(although I think he relapsed, there is a lot of hope in his story)...http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6664-%E2%98%BC-schizor-can-the-brain-recover-from-antipsychotics/?hl=schizor

 

raven...is nowhere near recovered but showing signs...http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/13985-raven530-10-months-since-sertraline-cold-turkey/?hl=raven

 

My favourite story for hope..this guy was in this despair after nearly a year, but then things changed....risperdalhater..http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12502-risperdalhater-my-risperdal-story-and-how-it-has-affected-my-life/page-2

 

A final thought, not sure about the supplements your taking, you might wanna check in with the mods to get a bit of clarity on those.

 

Fish oil and magnesium seem to be the only ones that are universally recommended.

 

Welcome to the party!

 

Nick

 

Hey Nick! Yes, we are definitely NOT alone. It really is a hellish existence. I'm looking forward and holding onto hope that I will one day be able to laugh, smile, and be excited for life again.

But like you say, it really does 'feel' like you won't recover.

Being in the thick of things is scary.

 

Yes, I'm familiar with Risperdalhater's story. His is very encouraging. I think he can write his own success story soon! That is very encouraging. I think he turn a turn for the better around the one year being off drugs mark. SO.....I'm trying not to get my hopes up, because we're all different, but it's great so know that people do come out of this awful anhedonia.

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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Are you having any windows as they say in the business?

 

Any hour or day where you feel a little more human? I have a few of these every few weeks and they feel like MIRACLES. That said, I haven't had a window in about five weeks now. In these windows, nothing major happens but it's big step above hell....ability to enjoy music, engage in a TV show , read a little, maybe muster half a smile..

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Hi UnderPressure,

 

Glad to see you are reaching out. I have not taken Risperdal myself, but I have heard that sometimes psychiatrists prescribe it to people like myself who are tapering off of benzodiazepines. It's supposed to be an adjunct Glutamate suppressing drug, but from what I am hearing here, it doesn't seem to be worth it. I already have agoraphobia, panic through the roof, profound depression due to benzo and SSRI withdrawal (was on Prozac for 14 years and stopped too fast), and a lot of physical symptoms. 

 

I do like your screen name. It reminds of the War on Drugs song called "Under The Pressure". 

 

https://youtu.be/TZ9IXScip68

Prozac 1997- 2013, stopped after 1 month short-taper. 

Ativan  0.5mg intermittent use, end of 2010 - end of 2014

Ativan  up to 2-3mg/day Dec 2014/Jan 2015

Partial Valium crossover: down to 0.5mg/day Ativan and 10mg/day Valium (2015-2017)

(2/2018 - 10/2018, tapered down Valium from 10mg to 3.75mg Valium per day) (HOLDING at 3.75mg/day)

(10/2018) - Ativan 0.5mg a day (HOLDING @ 0.5mg since mid 2017)

11/2018 - Cut valium to 2.5mg a day

3/23/2019 - Cut Buspar from 20mg to 15mg/day (intense symptoms)

4/4/2019 - Updosed Buspar from 15mg to 17mg

4/13/2019 - Ativan - 0.48mg/day

4/17/2019 - Buspar down to 16mg/day

4/24/2019 - Buspar down to 15mg/day

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Are you having any windows as they say in the business?

 

Any hour or day where you feel a little more human? I have a few of these every few weeks and they feel like MIRACLES. That said, I haven't had a window in about five weeks now. In these windows, nothing major happens but it's big step above hell....ability to enjoy music, engage in a TV show , read a little, maybe muster half a smile..

 

I wish I could tell you I was having windows and waves....but it's basically just a stupid. flat. line. I've basically been existing and just hoping to somehow snap out of it.

 

It's as if a switch was flipped back when I was on the med and now I'm waiting for it to get switched back.

 

I am able to fake it for the sake of others....but I'm pretty sure the people closest to me see right through it and try their best to help.

 

I'm glad you're having some! That's great to hear! I'm jealous though too. lol

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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Hi UnderPressure,

 

Glad to see you are reaching out. I have not taken Risperdal myself, but I have heard that sometimes psychiatrists prescribe it to people like myself who are tapering off of benzodiazepines. It's supposed to be an adjunct Glutamate suppressing drug, but from what I am hearing here, it doesn't seem to be worth it. I already have agoraphobia, panic through the roof, profound depression due to benzo and SSRI withdrawal (was on Prozac for 14 years and stopped too fast), and a lot of physical symptoms. 

 

I do like your screen name. It reminds of the War on Drugs song called "Under The Pressure". 

 

https://youtu.be/TZ9IXScip68

 

Thanks! No, I would never recommend you or anyone else to take this drug. It's a hellish pill and a person would be better off dealing with a 3 month stint of mania than have their emotions shut down.

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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Ha. Wait til you get a window!! Don't be too jealous though! This is a horrific experience. And literally everything you have said so far rings through for me.

 

How do spend your days? Mine are as empty as it gets. I get out of bed around ten or so...check in with myself to see am I still in hell...realise I am...then say to myself "right, 12 hours to kill here" and I just about eat a few meals, go for a couple of small walks, visit a neighbour or two and count down the hours to bed. Similar? Oh I'm 29 too! Which occasionally affects me, but my attitude is even if it takes another couple of years, life will still be there

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Ha. Wait til you get a window!! Don't be too jealous though! This is a horrific experience. And literally everything you have said so far rings through for me.

 

How do spend your days? Mine are as empty as it gets. I get out of bed around ten or so...check in with myself to see am I still in hell...realise I am...then say to myself "right, 12 hours to kill here" and I just about eat a few meals, go for a couple of small walks, visit a neighbour or two and count down the hours to bed. Similar? Oh I'm 29 too! Which occasionally affects me, but my attitude is even if it takes another couple of years, life will still be there

 

Absolutely same boat bailing out the same filthy water.

 

I spend my days going through the motions. I wish there was a "zest of life" pill I could take. Or if I could eliminate emotional flatness in exchange for blindness....I'd do it in a heartbeat!

 

Definitely sucks! I hear ya....when bedtime rolls around I feel like, "Yay! Something that I can do and it's totally normal for emotions being in shut down mode."

 

Wow.

 

So how long did you take meds and how long have you been off them??

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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I took them for 5  months in total I guess, I had tapered off hugely by month 4, but 5 months since last tablet. Now four months clear!!

 

I reintroduced magnesium, fish oil and vitamic C supplements tonight. So I suspect I'll wake up reborn tomorrow ;)

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Well Nick! I pray you will rebound MORE quickly than it seems to be taking me!

 

I also take fish oil, magnesium, vit. D is also important. RisperdalHater reports that niacin has helped him. I take niacin. Seems to help with energy. But that's why B vitamins are so important. I haven't noticed much of a response in libido though.

 

 

 

My theory on the vitamins and supplements is that if you're NOT taking meds and are in decent physical health that most supplements are safe. Some people do report very serious sensitivities to certain supplements because of Rx drugs.....but so far it hasn't been my experience.

 

I've been looking into HGH (Human Growth Hormone). The research seems promising on it's ability to boost the libido and also curb adult onset depression. It's fairly expensive....I like iherb.com for all my vitamins and supplements....about $45.00 I think.

 

Anyway....might be worth looking into.

 

Looking at trying maca powder....I'm open to anything that's natural.

 

I'm not giving big pharma anymore of my brain.

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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Omega 3 (fish oil) helped me with this but not everyone can tolerate it so if you decide to try it then start low and increase the dose in increments. I took a theraputic dose of over 2000iu a day which is supposed to be optimal and it was about three months before I began to feel my emotions change. With the happy emotions also came scared and sad and very anxious ones so it sometimes feels like a double edged sword and it's still really hard for me to take interest in things but I've never looked back and never missed a single day of taking my omega 3. I'm not the person I was but I'm way more like her now than I was when I took antidepressants and that feels very good in and of itself. 

2000: Use of venlafaxine for moderate depression for two years. Tapered off with no major problems. 

2010: Venlafaxine 5 years, doses between 75-150-300. Tolerated but only partially stabilised the severe depression & escallating side effects. 

Adverse reactions to citalopram (tried before venlafaxine), sertraline & mirtazapine (tried after venlafaxine became problematic) with suicidal ideation caused. 

2014: Adverse reaction to one prozac pill which I tried to begin taking in order to stabilise the withdrawal and actually made it horrendously worse. My body & brain went on fire two hours after taking the pill and severe WD began.

Spring 2014: CEASED ALL ANTIDEPRESSANTS. Did take occasional lorazepam (two weeks at first followed by the occasional half tablet at night sometimes.

2014: WD: living hell for five months, gradually improved a little by little for almost a year and a half but with frequent heart palpitations, weakness and anxiety and very poor sleep. Struggled to do things both physically & mentally but was improving slowly. 

2015: WD relapse with full symptoms. anxiety/panic triggered beyond initial anxiety resurgence by a couple of small half doses of Lorazepam that seem to have restarted all the WD symptoms I had in the beginning & ruined all the progress I had made. 

2017: Bad reaction to propranolol beta blockers. Nervous system kindled into violent shaking like withdrawal again. Alerting system on overdrive. 

 

Current Supplements: Omega 3 & Vitamin C, magnesium, potassium, pre/probiotics, brewer's yeast. 

 

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How are you doing now underpressure??

 

Bit more peace from joining the community?

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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Hey Nick. I'm doing well. Being a part of SA is a great source of support. It's good to know that there are others out there who have "been there, done that"

 

I'm trying not to focus so much on lack of genuine emotions....it just brings me down so much. I'm encouraged by RisperdalHaters story, at the same time I'm a bit scared as he was only on it for about a month compared to my 3....I know even three months isn't that long.....BUT.....I'm afeard it was long enough to mess me up for life.

 

I'm really just trying to come to grips with this. Trying to accept this as the new "normal"....I think the sooner I do that the better.

 

I have ZERO faith in ADs and APs.....I think natural supplementation is the best approach.

 

I'll be going to see a psychiatrist as soon as they call to set up the appointment.....I know they'll be itching to fill out that Rx pad....but I've already determined in my mind to stay away from anything that will further me down the road of pointless existence.

Risperidone (Risperdal)-3mg from May 2016-Sept.

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Good stuff....yeah, staying away from meds is key I think!!.....I'm tightening up the diet bigtime...one of few things in our power.

 

yeah, I too fear brain damage, but it seems unlikely.

 

How are you faring with the mere mortals of the real world?

 

It took me months to tell my story concisely and eloquently enough to convey the horror. The ignorance and condescension I've been met with is shocking really.

But now, those that matter are onboard

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
On 4/28/2017 at 2:29 AM, nicolantana said:

Ha. Wait til you get a window!! Don't be too jealous though! This is a horrific experience. And literally everything you have said so far rings through for me.

 

How do spend your days? Mine are as empty as it gets. I get out of bed around ten or so...check in with myself to see am I still in hell...realise I am...then say to myself "right, 12 hours to kill here" and I just about eat a few meals, go for a couple of small walks, visit a neighbour or two and count down the hours to bed. Similar? Oh I'm 29 too! Which occasionally affects me, but my attitude is even if it takes another couple of years, life will still be there

Nicolantana! 

 

That totally sounds like me, except I don't go for walks and visit ppl and I don't feel like eating. But I get outta bed around 10am also. Go play games with my mom. Then I linger and follow her around the house, b/c I don't know what to do with myself. I have no thoughts in my head, except that I feel unwell b/c I'm so empty in my head and soul and wish I was dead. I can't find joy in anything. I help her with dinner. Eat. Help with dishes. Then sit on the couch for the rest of the night watching tv until bedtime, then I'm on my phone reading stuff on fb, this site and checking my emails. 

 

Does this life ever get any better? 

Dec 2016 Risperidone 1 mg, Seroquel 25mg, Latuda 40mg 

Jan - Mar 2017 Paliperidone (invega) 6 -9mg, Zoloft, Mirtazapine, Proprananol, Ativan

Mar - Apr 2017 Aripiprazole (abilify) 10 mg

Apr 2017 - July 2017 Olanzapine (zyprexa) 5 mg tapered to 0mg

Oct 2017 - Present Effexor 37.5mg and Prozac 10mg 

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Yes it does brother, yes it does. Check my thread, I'll update soon.

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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I got off or Risperidone last year and was switched to a different drug. Now off of everything and I do have a lot of feelings!  Lots of happy ones.  Although I didn't have a problem not having happiness before, I wanted you to know that other things that I lost I am recovering coming off the drugs, so I hope you will recover this too!  I had a problem being too high and always feeling happy and was able to learn how to feel normal happiness.  That took time. I eat very healthy and work out (outdoors helps).  When I do feel sad, I go to nature and at least the sadness leaves me.  I don't feel "up" and happy, but I feel better.  You can do this! :)

Completely off of all my drugs.  Tapered off of 80mg Latuda and 900mg of Trileptal from February to June this year.  Experiencing withdrawal sometimes still.

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  • 7 months later...

Some positive news. Somebody just asked about this thread.

 

I thought I should update. Under pressure messaged me last summer to say things are fabulous and she is loving life again!! She was thrilled and told me she would update here...she didn't it seems so just thought I would throw that bit of positivity up here and hope she tells her story soon

 

late July...lexapro 10 seroquel 25.....due to mild depression......adverse reaction, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization

August....felt that meds were ripping stomach apart....docs didn't believe me..upped meds to seroquel 125, lexapro 20, mirtazapine 30, olanzapine 20....stayed on these drugs unitl mid november......severe anhedonia all the time...mid novemeber 2016 , began taper.....very small windows of emotion...Christmas....off everything by Christmas day......last six weeks, cried and laughed on a number of occasions for first time since taking initial meds....8 occasions of strong emotion over 6 weeks in ealry 2016.......doubting recovery......

BIG WINDOW IN july 2017, felt incredible, lasted a month or so, felt close to recovered...window left, september to Chrimstas 17 was anhedonic hell.....Turn of the year, January 2018, some very strong days (a window) offering renewed hope

back to hell until late February 2018, strong 10 day window....followed by anhedonic wave for 7 months straight! not a flicker of normalcy

September 2018 ...incredible window...followed by three month wave.January 2019.... a strong window

window subsided, but new baseline was higher.....life since January 2019 ( 9 months and counting) has been far better. Complete anhedonia is gone!! God, I've tears writing that. I am far from recovered, but far from hell...to use a scale, if life is rated out of a hundred, I was about minus 50 for the majority of 2 years..I know feel about 30 per cent of self, experiences intermittent flickers of normal life regularly....My days have more quality and I am optimistic of recovery. 

 

 

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On 03/04/2018 at 7:04 PM, nicolantana said:

Some positive news. Somebody just asked about this thread.

 

I thought I should update. Under pressure messaged me last summer to say things are fabulous and she is loving life again!! She was thrilled and told me she would update here...she didn't it seems so just thought I would throw that bit of positivity up here and hope she tells her story soon

 

 

Yes Nick.

That's really great to hear her success story.

Soooo inspiring!

Thank you so much. :)

I took Risperidone for 2months and 1 week(almost 3months). I was on 1mg of it for 1month and then when i told my doctor that I cant sleep he increased it to 2mg (i took 2mg of it for 3wks) then i tried to taper it down to 1mg for i think almost a week. But theres one night came I cant feel, I cant sleep, and i cant breathe so, I quickly stop taking the Risperidone (cold turkey).

 

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