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Hello...I'm new to this website and I'm still not sure how this works. I'm looking for some hope I guess that's what you'd call it. I have been on meds for 15 years. Only an SSRI until probably 3 years ago. I was on Celexa 40mg, Abilify 10mg and Wellbutrin XL. I was so over medicated I felt numb and I couldn't function. I didn't know what was wrong with me & then I thought maybe it's to much medicine. I lost my health insurance on 12-01-16 so I couldn't afford all these meds so I stopped taking the Celexa & Abilify on that day. I'm still on Wellbutrin. The reason I stayed on it was I heard it would cause seizures if I cold turkey off it. I did not know I shouldn't of done that with the other 2. It will be 5 months on May 1st that I stopped other 2 meds. The only reason I went on medicine was because I lost my grandmother and I was stressed. My friend suggested I see a Dr so I did. Stupid mistake! I didn't even know Abilify was an antipsychotic until I googled it looking for answers about what was going on with me after stopping meds. I came across discontinue syndrome and then this website. Most psychical symptoms are gone and insomnia has gotten a tiny bit better but the anxiety and I guess it's depression is awful!! I don't have insurance so I can't afford to go back on the meds & go back to not functioning. I'm just wondering if I'm going to make it through this? I'm really worried. God Bless!

Edited by scallywag
tags

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

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  • Jennifer78

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Hi Jennifer - I'm so glad you're here - I'm so very sorry that you were medicated because you felt sad - as though it's acceptable to respond to someone's normal  grief by medicating them!

 

You've definitely posted in the right place - this thread can become your journal where you ask questions and people here can respond to you and talk about your situation. 

 

How are you feeling nowadays? xxxmolly

 

Drug history

  • 20mg paxil in 2001 - 4 months use  
  • 20mg paxil in 2003 - 2 months use 
  • 20mg paxil in 2008 - 8 years continuous

Withdrawal history:

  • March 2014 - disastrous alternate day taper
  • Jan 2015 - 15mg to 10mg. Disaster
  • Sept 2015 -  10mg to 5mg. Disaster. Reinstated to 6mg. Relief
  • Oct 2015 - started slow 10% taper 
  • Oct 2016 - at 4mg- stop taking paxil (not recommended)

 

I'm not a medical professional. Seek advice from a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Hi Jennifer - I'm so glad you're here - I'm so very sorry that you were medicated because you felt sad - as though it's acceptable to respond to someone's normal  grief by medicating them!

 

You've definitely posted in the right place - this thread can become your journal where you ask questions and people here can respond to you and talk about your situation. 

 

How are you feeling nowadays? xxxmolly

 

Hello Molly, thank you for your reply. I don't understand how people find this post to reply.? I have a few ok days & what I mean by ok is instead of having anxiety/depression & crying all day because I don't feel right (I guess that's what you'd call it) I only cry 10 times a day and the anxiety is a tiny bit better but that's only been a couple days since 12-01-16. I'm trying to persevere though this. This is the worst I've ever felt or had to do in my life, so far. I was wanting to taper of Wellbutrin as soon as I stabilized a little bit but I don't know now if I should.?

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post

Oh my heart goes out to you - a stop like you've done can be so very hard. There is hope though - eventually you will feel wonderfully normal again!

 

I wonder what the moderators will suggest you do? Just hang tight and one of them will write to you on this thread.

 

One thing I would say is that there is nothing abnormal or weird about the way you feel (despite how terrible it is), all of us who have suddenly stopped or otherwise tried to quickly stop these meds have suffered similarly. That's why we've all washed up here :)

 

Where you (and all the other 'journal' threads) are in the site is 'Surviving Antidepressants' -- 'Support' -- 'Introductions and updates'. Everyone has their own thread and this is now your one :)

 

Drug history

  • 20mg paxil in 2001 - 4 months use  
  • 20mg paxil in 2003 - 2 months use 
  • 20mg paxil in 2008 - 8 years continuous

Withdrawal history:

  • March 2014 - disastrous alternate day taper
  • Jan 2015 - 15mg to 10mg. Disaster
  • Sept 2015 -  10mg to 5mg. Disaster. Reinstated to 6mg. Relief
  • Oct 2015 - started slow 10% taper 
  • Oct 2016 - at 4mg- stop taking paxil (not recommended)

 

I'm not a medical professional. Seek advice from a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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coldturkmama

The good days we call windows and they are usually followed by waves which is a period of worsening symptoms. Good terminology to know here :)

I'm glad you posted! Someone should be able to help you.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Jennifer78,

I'm so sorry you were medicated for the normal grief after the loss of your grandmother, and then for being left on the drugs for 15 years. I don't know what is wrong with doctors these days, to be handing out these very potent drugs for almost everything. And then if that's not bad enough, they don't provide the proper support and information to help people stop taking them.

 

I'm glad you found us, there is a lot of good information and support here.

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

Its not unusual for withdrawal syndrome to last for quite a long time after coming off these kinds of drugs too fast. Its fortunate you didn't stop all 3 at the same time or you might be feeling even worse than you already are.

 

If you are not able to reinstate, the best I can offer by way of advice is to listen to your body and avoid those things that set off symptoms as much as possible. Aside from a high quality fish oil and magnesium, avoid supplements. (See King of Supplements: Omega 3 Fatty Acids (Fish Oil) and Magnesium, Nature's Calcium Channel Blocker). They've been helpful to many of us. 

 

Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover.  Especially read the topics pinned at the top.

 

Please don't stop taking Wellbutrin, or start tapering it until you are fullly recovered from your current withdrawal. But when you are ready to stop taking it, here is the information you will need:  Tips for tapering off Wellbutrin, SR, XR, XL (buproprion)

 

You are going to get better, but it will take some time.

 

I will post a few links with relevant information which may be helpful:

 

Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

Brain Remodelling (Rhi's Description of Brain Healing)

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Videos

 

 

 

You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want. Its a good idea to bookmark it or follow it, so its easy to find again.

 

Petunia.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Petunia, thank you so much for all the information you gave me. I've been doing a lot of reading lately. I think it helps me to keep me occupied. I'm trying to stay away from some of the stuff I come across on the internet. The stories of withdrawals that last 3-7 years worries me but I then try to tell myself well at least they did get there lives back eventually. I take fish oil and a multivitamin. I've been taking them for years but I cut back to just 1 multivitamin a day ( the directions say take 2 a day) because I didn't know if there was to much of something in the ingredients that would make symptoms worse. I've been holding onto the Bible verse Romans 8:28 and I do a lot of praying. I would tell my Dr about the symptoms of taking the med & then he would up the dose or add another med. He would say that the depression was getting worse or tell me I have a chemical imbalance and I'd need meds the rest of my life. I believed the Dr's, I thought they knew what was best for me. I don't think I've even experienced depression or a chemical imbalance until I stopped taking the meds. I will stay with the Wellbutrin until some day down the road. Again, thank you so much! How are you doing now a days?

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post

Jennifer. Welcome from me, too. We all believed the doctor's theory of chemical imbalance as we trusted and put our faith in them assuming they knew best. It's not entirely their fault as they are educated by the drug companies and their reps.

 

One of the books I found most helpful in portraying the real truth was Robert Whitaker's Anatomy Of An Epidemic.If you haven't read it yet, I would highly recommend it.

 

As Petunia said, you will get better, but it will take some time. I'm still healing but have made a lot of progress. Have a read of the links and come back with any other questions you may have.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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AliG, Yeah I don't really blame some of these Dr's. I should of done some research I guess. I was young back then (I'm 39) and I didn't have as much wisdom. If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean by your still healing? I'm just wondering what symptoms you still have? I'm so worried I'll forget what joy feels like. My husband and I just have concerns that my brain/emotions have permanent damage and this is how it's going to be.?

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
coldturkmama

This is not how it's going to be forever! You will heal. I find a lot of joy in things- some days are harder- but others are good. :)

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to post

One thing I'm learning is to fight for my good mental health - so when I start to feel a bit listless or down, or I feel anxious about a situation, I don't let it slide or get a chance to let it take hold. I'll change something immediately, like take a bath, do calming breathing, go outside and be in nature, EFT when it's intense, go and play tennis if I can. 

 

Obviously I'd love to get to a stage where it wasn't a fight, but that's for the future, for now, I have a little toolkit of techniques and apply them. It sounds as though things are still pretty intense for you - at that stage the battle ground is really real! I'd really encourage you to spend most of your reading time on here focussing on learning and then trying out techniques that others have some success with. I remember in the depths of WD, I would do EFT, followed by beginners yoga and a qi gong movement session - I'm no practicitioner and just typed them in from google after one of the mods here, JanCarol  recommend them and did them as best I could.. and they got me through - just!!! 

 

Also if there are things in your life that are really hard that you can shed - basically like a boat or a plane that to stay afloat/aloft has to jettison weight - then I'd encourage you to do it until the time is right and you feel replenished. They're all individual to each of us, but if people are holding down a full time job, young children, on the school board and studying at night - well... lol I'd have a burn out just typing those things.

 

I have a friend who is highly accomplished and from a family of exceptional people, judges, surgeons etc. She had a complete breakdown 2 years ago and for the last 2 years has had adrenal failure and has counted it as a good day if she could get out of bed to make a cup of tea; this from a woman who was out every evening, doing amazing things, music, tramping, phd, art, lecturer, mother of 2, running workshops, taking disadvantaged kids on horse treks - an incredible life.

 

At the beginning of her breakdown the first thing her GP recommended was an antipsychotic! Happily she didn't fill the prescription, but the healing has been long and slow for her as well, but to get through, she mindfully limited her life right down to the bare essentials (and struggled with this blow to her self esteem along the way) but her focus was entirely on her healing, that was her most important job at that time. She's getting there now slowly xxx

 

I hope you can love yourself in the same way :)  xxxxmolly

 

Drug history

  • 20mg paxil in 2001 - 4 months use  
  • 20mg paxil in 2003 - 2 months use 
  • 20mg paxil in 2008 - 8 years continuous

Withdrawal history:

  • March 2014 - disastrous alternate day taper
  • Jan 2015 - 15mg to 10mg. Disaster
  • Sept 2015 -  10mg to 5mg. Disaster. Reinstated to 6mg. Relief
  • Oct 2015 - started slow 10% taper 
  • Oct 2016 - at 4mg- stop taking paxil (not recommended)

 

I'm not a medical professional. Seek advice from a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to post

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom and all the advice. I greatly appreciate all of it. I don't understand why I'm having withdrawals going off the other meds because I'm still on Wellbutrin? Any ideas?

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
coldturkmama

Because it's a major shift and change to your brain, especially cold turkey.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

 I don't understand why I'm having withdrawals going off the other meds because I'm still on Wellbutrin? Any ideas?

 

Because Celexa, Abilify and Wellbutrin all act on different brain receptors, changing your brain chemistry in different ways. When you go cold turkey off one of these kinds of drugs, your brain has to adapt to no longer having its chemistry altered in the particular way that drug was causing. Wellbutrin also acts on brain receptors, but different ones and in a different way, so it may be able to cover some of the withdrawal effects, but not all of them.

 

This topic explains more: Brain Remodelling (Rhi's Description of Brain Healing)

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to post
Jennifer78

Hello...thanks for the information. I'm starting to try to understand this whole situation. I've been off the Abilify & Celexa for 5 months today. Only thing I know what to do is a lot of praying & try to keep pushing forward. I'm trying to stay positive. I've been reading through the success stories. They help, if only for a short time. God Bless all of us going through this. My prayers are with all of us.

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
Jennifer78

I was just wondering why around 8pm I start feeling a little bit of relief but then when I get up in the morning the symptoms are still there? I'm confused. I think oh tomorrow is going to be better than that's not the case in the morning.

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
Madeleine

Many people feel worse in the morning. That's because we have extra cortisol in the am.

Dec 1, 2016. 10 mg zyprexa for 1.5 month. Started taper mid-Jan. 2017. Cut 1.25 mg every 2 weeks; smaller cuts 2.5 mg down. Stopped at .6 mg. May 7, 2017: zyprexa free. 
Zoloft: Dec1, 2016, 200 mg. Started taper: Jun12, 2017: 197.5 mg; Jun19,:195 mg; July 2:185mg; July 9,:180 mg; July16,: 175; July 23: 170; July 30: 165; Aug6: 160; Aug13: 155; Aug. 20: 150; Aug.27: 146 mg; Sept3: 145 mg; Sept10:143 mg; Sept17:140 mg....Nov5: 122 mg...Dec3:112.5 mg; Jan14, 2018: 95 mg...Jan28: 90 mg; Feb21:80 mg; Mar11: 75 mg; May2:70 mg; May15: 68 mg; May28: 65 mg; Jun9: 62 mg;Jun25: 60 mg:July22: 55 mg; Aug25: 45 mg. Aug28: 50 mg...Oct 28: 38 mg; Dec.4: 30 mg; Jan8,2019: 25mg; Feb6: 23.5 mg; Apr1:17.5mg; May1:1 mg; May 5: 18;  May 18:15mg; June 16:12.5mg; Sept 10:11 mg; Sept.16:10 mg; Oct. 1: 9mg; Nov. 27: 8mg; Dec.5: 7mg; Jan.1,2020, 6 mg; Feb1: 5 mg; May 1: 2.5 mg; Jn 1: 2 mg; Jy 1: 1.5 mg
Spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pw4tjImAJ92OIVyRvZoZYjqxiKMk7wvp-ljiIi1olRo/edit#gid=0

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  • Moderator Emeritus
scallywag

It's very common to experience changes in symptoms throughout the day. The drug is not at the same concentration throughout the day.

 

Changes in mood, energy, physical comfort and ease are different at different times of day for most people -- even those taking NO medication.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Jennifer78

I'm needing some hope again! Ugh! I was not sleeping well at all when I stopped the 2 meds then I started sleeping 5-6 hours a night now the last week I'm back to maybe sleeping 2 hours again. I don't understand! This is so frustrating. I think things are getting a tiny bit better than wham back to square one. These withdrawals are so scary. I'm going to be honest, I am absolutely petrified that my life is doomed. Any help is greatly appreciated from the people on this site that have been through this.

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post

Hi Jennifer! You are absolutely not doomed - you're in the 'waves' at the moment, that's an unfortunate but necessary part of the brain's healing - you're going to come out of this just fine, but it's not at all fun while you're in it.

 

What strategies have you got to deal with your distress and discomfort? I'll throw a couple of things out there I did, but there are a ton more - remember at the moment, if you can't reinstate, then it's about dealing with your symtoms and holding onto the fact that you're not crazy and that this is (sadly) normal withdrawal and it does ease and eventually stop xxxx

 

Things I did at the height of W/D distress

  • EFT tapping for anxiety and stress - just google how to do tapping
  • Qi Gong - I used this 10 min morning routine and 20 min routine with Lee Holden
  • The world's most beginner yoga routine (because I was very unfit and inflexible!)
  • Breathing: just 5 slow in, 5 slow out (I'm no expert in any of these things, so it was all pretty new to me)

 

Also there's this thread to help with tons of ideas about non-drug self help ideas

 

And here's a link to the windows and waves pattern you're experiencing (the windows are the better times, they'll get longer and lovelier as time passes)

 

Lots and lots of love xxxmollyn

 

Drug history

  • 20mg paxil in 2001 - 4 months use  
  • 20mg paxil in 2003 - 2 months use 
  • 20mg paxil in 2008 - 8 years continuous

Withdrawal history:

  • March 2014 - disastrous alternate day taper
  • Jan 2015 - 15mg to 10mg. Disaster
  • Sept 2015 -  10mg to 5mg. Disaster. Reinstated to 6mg. Relief
  • Oct 2015 - started slow 10% taper 
  • Oct 2016 - at 4mg- stop taking paxil (not recommended)

 

I'm not a medical professional. Seek advice from a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to post
Jennifer78

Hi Jennifer! You are absolutely not doomed - you're in the 'waves' at the moment, that's an unfortunate but necessary part of the brain's healing - you're going to come out of this just fine, but it's not at all fun while you're in it.

 

What strategies have you got to deal with your distress and discomfort? I'll throw a couple of things out there I did, but there are a ton more - remember at the moment, if you can't reinstate, then it's about dealing with your symtoms and holding onto the fact that you're not crazy and that this is (sadly) normal withdrawal and it does ease and eventually stop xxxx

 

Things I did at the height of W/D distress

 

  • EFT tapping for anxiety and stress - just google how to do tapping
  • Qi Gong - I used this 10 min morning routine and 20 min routine with Lee Holden
  • The world's most beginner yoga routine (because I was very unfit and inflexible!)
  • Breathing: just 5 slow in, 5 slow out (I'm no expert in any of these things, so it was all pretty new to me)
 

Also there's this thread to help with tons of ideas about non-drug self help ideas

 

And here's a link to the windows and waves pattern you're experiencing (the windows are the better times, they'll get longer and lovelier as time passes)

 

Lots and lots of love xxxmollyn

MollyN- I'm so thankful for your hopeful wisdom! I thought the windows were when things were normal and you feel good? Or are windows where the symptoms are not as bad as when there really bad?

 

Miss Molly, I'm trying everything under the sun to cope with this & keep hope. I'm awful at meditation. LOL! I'm trying so hard but my mind is going a hundred miles per second. I went to talk to a therapist a couple times. Im feeling its a waste of my money. I don't know what to talk about except my withdrawals & she keeps trying to dig to see if there's an underlying issue. It's giving me stress to go. I don't think I have any underlying issues. The only thing that I can think of to tell her about was my parents divorce a long long time ago & that isn't interfering with my life so I don't know what I'm supposed to talk about with her.

 

Miss Molly, I have tried to think of anything & everything as to why I'm feeling so depressed/anxious and all the emotions that comes with going off these meds but I can't think of anything. I have a good life. Everyday was not perfect but I have never experienced any of these feelings that I've had for 5 months since going off those 2 meds. I'm so worried that I'm going to be one that doesn't heal from this. That is the most hopeless frightening feeling in the world. I was on meds of some sort for @ least 15 years & im 39 years old.

 

I read your signature and I'm so thankful that you are doing fairly well except for the memory issue your having.

God Bless Molly! I'm very grateful to hear from you.

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post

See - this is great!! You're going to be fine! - You're in withdrawal because you had to suddenly stopped meds.

 

 If you read even just a handful of stories on here you'll see that the people that took sudden drops suffer significant disturbances.. but they pass in the end.. it's the getting through that's such a significant challenge. You're not alone, it's genuinely tough and not 'in your head'.

 

Geez your therapist's thinking must be there are underlying 'issues' that you haven't confronted in your life <SIGH> how about this therapist:  these drugs have very significant side effects and it's well known around the world, maybe you could work on a little upskilling!

 

Remember everything you're experiencing is due to withdrawal, and you can't really make it pass faster, but you can ease the symptoms somewhat by trying to stay a little positive (that it'll pass), practising lots of new coping skills (yep meditation is hilariously difficult - you'll note I didn't mention it because I was too hopeless for words!). Fish oil and magnesium help.

 

I've also just bought a book called The Happy Kitchen by Rachael Kelly, it talks a lot about the connection between our gut and our brains/moods. The author suffered very badly from depression/anxiety and she uses food to regulate her moods. So far I'm 1/3 of the way through it - she writes from a place of experience which is very helpful, but I haven't had the motivation to make anything yet!  

 

big hugs xxxxmollyn

 

Drug history

  • 20mg paxil in 2001 - 4 months use  
  • 20mg paxil in 2003 - 2 months use 
  • 20mg paxil in 2008 - 8 years continuous

Withdrawal history:

  • March 2014 - disastrous alternate day taper
  • Jan 2015 - 15mg to 10mg. Disaster
  • Sept 2015 -  10mg to 5mg. Disaster. Reinstated to 6mg. Relief
  • Oct 2015 - started slow 10% taper 
  • Oct 2016 - at 4mg- stop taking paxil (not recommended)

 

I'm not a medical professional. Seek advice from a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to post
Jennifer78

I have a question, how in the world am I supposed to endure this debilitating anxiety and depression until I heal? How does anyone do this for years? There is no way I can go on for years like this without giving up or going back to meds and who's to say that meds would help if I chose that? It's only been 5 months and I don't see me being able to do this for years. Please help!!

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
coldturkmama

It's not easy, but it's a choice. You can choose to heal with magnesium and fish oil and time...healthy diet and lifestyle or you can go back on more meds and see what happens, but that's a real crap shoot. ????

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to post
Jennifer78

It's not easy, but it's a choice. You can choose to heal with magnesium and fish oil and time...healthy diet and lifestyle or you can go back on more meds and see what happens, but that's a real crap shoot.

I'm using both of those supplements. I really don't want to go back to all those meds I just don't want to die either from this awful emotional stuff either. I'm really going to give it my best & keep pressing through. You are a very strong person. What does a real crap shoot mean? I wish we all lived close to each other so we could talk face to face. Going through this alone really stinks!!

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
coldturkmama

Crap shoot is like a roll of the dice lol

Don't know what you will get!!

I think that the only strength I have is God- its been hard but I lean on him. ????

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to post
Jennifer78

Crap shoot is like a roll of the dice lol

Don't know what you will get!!

I think that the only strength I have is God- its been hard but I lean on him.

Ok, LOL! I hear you, the only way I've made it this far has got to be from God.

 

Do you still suffer daily from anxiety/depression? Those 2 symptoms & insomnia are the worst for me. I think all physical symptoms are gone for now anyway. I'm sure all of you on here want to ring us new ones on here's neck with all the questions and hopelessness. I'm sorry but literally you guys are all we have to keep pressing forward. Thank you so much!!

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post

Oh honey,  you asked "how in the world am I supposed to endure this debilitating anxiety and depression until I heal?" 

 

You say:

1. this is w/d - it's not me -  not who I am, it's the result of what the chemical compounds in these drugs have done to our brains

2. this is temporary, I'm not always going to feel like this!

3. I'm going to try and stay calm because that will help me endure - how do I stay calm? I used my toolkit

4. My brain wants to heal and it will (lots of fabulous stuff by Michael Merzenich on neuro plasticity)

 

If it helps you at all, I remember being so sad/desperate that I couldn't meet with other people in W/D face to face. I felt I would have most loved to have been able to live for a time in a beautiful huge cabin in the woods with other sufferers where we all drunk cups of soothing herbal tea and sat on cosy couches with snuggly feather pillows and handknitted blankets while calm and capable helpers brought us broth lol

 

Drug history

  • 20mg paxil in 2001 - 4 months use  
  • 20mg paxil in 2003 - 2 months use 
  • 20mg paxil in 2008 - 8 years continuous

Withdrawal history:

  • March 2014 - disastrous alternate day taper
  • Jan 2015 - 15mg to 10mg. Disaster
  • Sept 2015 -  10mg to 5mg. Disaster. Reinstated to 6mg. Relief
  • Oct 2015 - started slow 10% taper 
  • Oct 2016 - at 4mg- stop taking paxil (not recommended)

 

I'm not a medical professional. Seek advice from a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

Link to post
coldturkmama

All of my symptoms have come in windows and waves, even some of the physical stuff.

The worst for me now is some days are anxious days, some are very flat days where I just feel blah- but there are good days. Some of it is fatigue, restlessness- it's really all over the place by times.

God is definitely my source, things have steadily improved and although all symptoms are not gone yet- they will be. :)

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to post
Jennifer78

Oh honey,  you asked "how in the world am I supposed to endure this debilitating anxiety and depression until I heal?" 

 

You say:

1. this is w/d - it's not me -  not who I am, it's the result of what the chemical compounds in these drugs have done to our brains

2. this is temporary, I'm not always going to feel like this!

3. I'm going to try and stay calm because that will help me endure - how do I stay calm? I used my toolkit

4. My brain wants to heal and it will (lots of fabulous stuff by Michael Merzenich on neuro plasticity)

 

If it helps you at all, I remember being so sad/desperate that I couldn't meet with other people in W/D face to face. I felt I would have most loved to have been able to live for a time in a beautiful huge cabin in the woods with other sufferers where we all drunk cups of soothing herbal tea and sat on cosy couches with snuggly feather pillows and handknitted blankets while calm and capable helpers brought us broth lol

 

Miss Molly- thank you for those 4 affirmations. (That's what I'm going to call them) I watched a video by that Michael guy you suggested. I'm kinda confused. What do I need to do to help my brain? He used to big of words for me @ this point & im not sure I'm understanding.

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
Jennifer78

I'm definitely needing reassurance again. I read some guys post on this sight that said people on meds a long time develop dysthymia and it's permanent?

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
coldturkmama

No one can say for sure that anything is permanent, we are all different and so many people who have gone through this have healed.

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to post
Jennifer78

I don't understand why I would have it permanently? I've never experienced dysthymia(depression) till I went off meds. I'm so full of anxiety now. This is heart wrenching!

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post

Your worrying is likely making things worse. When we have thoughts that worry or stress is our body actually experiences physical reactions, eg affects heart, etc. And our nervous symptoms revs up. Try to live in the present and not worry what might happen.

Dec 1, 2016. 10 mg zyprexa for 1.5 month. Started taper mid-Jan. 2017. Cut 1.25 mg every 2 weeks; smaller cuts 2.5 mg down. Stopped at .6 mg. May 7, 2017: zyprexa free. 
Zoloft: Dec1, 2016, 200 mg. Started taper: Jun12, 2017: 197.5 mg; Jun19,:195 mg; July 2:185mg; July 9,:180 mg; July16,: 175; July 23: 170; July 30: 165; Aug6: 160; Aug13: 155; Aug. 20: 150; Aug.27: 146 mg; Sept3: 145 mg; Sept10:143 mg; Sept17:140 mg....Nov5: 122 mg...Dec3:112.5 mg; Jan14, 2018: 95 mg...Jan28: 90 mg; Feb21:80 mg; Mar11: 75 mg; May2:70 mg; May15: 68 mg; May28: 65 mg; Jun9: 62 mg;Jun25: 60 mg:July22: 55 mg; Aug25: 45 mg. Aug28: 50 mg...Oct 28: 38 mg; Dec.4: 30 mg; Jan8,2019: 25mg; Feb6: 23.5 mg; Apr1:17.5mg; May1:1 mg; May 5: 18;  May 18:15mg; June 16:12.5mg; Sept 10:11 mg; Sept.16:10 mg; Oct. 1: 9mg; Nov. 27: 8mg; Dec.5: 7mg; Jan.1,2020, 6 mg; Feb1: 5 mg; May 1: 2.5 mg; Jn 1: 2 mg; Jy 1: 1.5 mg
Spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pw4tjImAJ92OIVyRvZoZYjqxiKMk7wvp-ljiIi1olRo/edit#gid=0

Link to post
Jennifer78

Your worrying is likely making things worse. When we have thoughts that worry or stress is our body actually experiences physical reactions, eg affects heart, etc. And our nervous symptoms revs up. Try to live in the present and not worry what might happen.

Madeleine-You are right! It's just an awful feeling not knowing what the future holds for me mentally.

The heart palpitations in times of anxiety are ridiculous! I've read the book The Power of Now, I think that's the name of it.

Trazodone 100mg stopped November 2016

Lamictal 200mg stopped November 2016

Celexa 40mg stopped 12-01-16

Abilify 10mg stopped 12-01-16

Wellbutrin XL stopped 6-14-18

I have been on some type of meds for @ least 15 years.

GOD BLESS! 🙏

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Jennifer, I just read through your thread and I feel like I just want to hug you -- you've been through a lot. I'll follow this thread and please do keep checking in  and asking for assurance. That is exactly why we are here. Try to take it day by day (easier said than done, of course). You can also message me at any time if you want. Can you keep track of your daily symptoms to see if there is any kind of pattern? Hugs!!

Current: 2019: 0.04 mg Paxil!! This is real. Soon, after taking Paxil my entire adult life, I will be free.

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" almost completely off over a month, at doctor's advice in July 2015.

Self-care includes magnesium, reasonable exercise, mindfulness, this forum and nutrition/eating enough food.

Also on 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!! (which I now will have the knowledge to taper properly)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Longer version: On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression caused by (undiagnosed) under-eating / eating disorder.

Doctor kept increasing dose, up to 60 mg; it never really helped but said it really was the best "med" for me.

Rapid doctor-led "taper" July 2015, down to 5 mg, with Zoloft as a "cross-taper" = Essentially a cold turkey. 

Severe withdrawal but didn't know it; believed it was my "underlying condition," and kept tapering, 5mg to 4 to 3  to 2 to 1.  

Feb 2016: Found SA! As of June 2016, tapering from 1mg at rate of 5-10% per month, Brassmonkey Slide! 

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