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Dealing with the lost years and moving forward

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EmergingFromTheVoid

I'm grieving for the years that I lost on my antidepressants, before I started getting cbt and talk therapy several months ago. I've lost time (8 years or so) with my son and my husband that I'll never get back. I was in a fog, fairly emotionally absent, and not really "me" for so many years. I'm tapering off my antidepressant and combined with therapy, I'm learning to "feel live" again. It's beautiful. It's taken me a long time to get here, and there are no promises of a smooth recovery, but I'm very glad that I'm doing it.

 

Sometimes we forget how brave and amazing we are to be fighting for our mental wellness; we're stronger than we know, and worthy of becoming our best selves. 

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sunnysideup69
23 hours ago, EmergingFromTheVoid said:

 

Sometimes we forget how brave and amazing we are to be fighting for our mental wellness; we're stronger than we know, and worthy of becoming our best selves. 

Amen to that. We are unsung heroes, I believe. The battle with one's own mind is a really tough one.

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ShiningLight
On 9/9/2019 at 11:06 AM, Rhiannon said:

At various points throughout my tapering years, it's like I've reached a new level of "me"--remembering "oh yeah I remember feeling this way". But almost all of those memories are from before I started the Prozac in 1992. The years after that-- I of course remember specific incidents, where I lived, etc. and I remember what I thought about and a lot of what I did, but it's like I don't remember "me." It's strange. And unspeakably sad. And I am very, very angry about it.

 

This. One of the worst aspects of this torture is that once you realized what's happened, you can't just stop the drugs. It takes a long time, and during that time, you are painfully aware of what you've lost and what you continue to lose. At least this is what it's like for me. I feel like I've been robbed of my own life. Even as I'm trying to deal with the lost years and moving forward, I'm still losing years! But victimhood is its own thievery, so I have to try to find things I'm grateful for in the now. I have to try to build a life within my limitations during withdrawal. It is very difficult.

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sunnysideup69

@ShiningLight absolutely right. I'm practicing gratitude so hard right now. Life has had to be rearranged and it feels strange.

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Guilietta

@EmergingFromTheVoid @sunnysideup69 @ShiningLight

 

Even thought it is nice to have adapt this to positive thinking - what I am most mad about is the loss of the past more than one year to getting off cymbalta.  While I would like to positive about going forward and relief in the ups and downs in depair and anxiety and physical symptoms soon - from the experience of other warriors I'm not sure that will happen.

 

 

19 hours ago, ShiningLight said:

I'm still losing years! But victimhood is its own thievery, so I have to try to find things I'm grateful for in the now. I have to try to build a life within my limitations during withdrawal. It is very difficult.

 

 

what do you mean by 'still' losing years? Cumulative experiences -?

 

I feel  that I am losing time - cumulatively - mornings where I can't walk - things I love and have planned for months but can't enjoy -  strugglig to be without friends without a converesation triggerign tears. Looking for work (keep starting and stopping this @ShiningLight .  Imagine parents and people working through this ordel.

 

How does one build a life in WD? How does one muscle through with these limitations?

 

Thinking about goal setting (when I was in a window) as @ShiningLight once said to me is really hard in a wave.  I had not realized this before.

 

We are warriors and should be proud of ourselves.

 

And today I can't spell or type properly....

 

 

 

 

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ShiningLight

I don't know how one builds a life in wd @Guilietta. I try to remain grateful that I can work. I have difficulty doing much else.

 

I try to have much more conservative social goals. I have an ongoing date to walk dogs with a friend twice a month. I want to get to my spiritual society every week and a support group but ongoing lack of success there.

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Guilietta
14 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

I try to remain grateful that I can work

 

Work is huge to be grateful for.   :)It is a distraction and as a family member tells me who knows my situation, 'sanity' and I add independence (i.e., $) and some social interaction.

 

Practicing gratitude is really hard - so many days for me it's a repeat of the basics - a roof over my head, heating and food. While a good friend tells me these are big - and they are - seeing the contraction is discouraging. @Gridley reminds me of same.

 

15 minutes ago, ShiningLight said:

I have an ongoing date to walk dogs with a friend twice a month. I want to get to my spiritual society every week and a support group but ongoing lack of success there.

 

I hope you are able to keep these (or most of) your planned dates. How do you handle this when you can't make it? Do your friends understand how much WD affects your functionality?

 

I have (often) had to back out at the last minute (which I hate to do), decline invitations or not commit because I'm afraid (hate to use this word) I will not be able to make it.

 

That all being said - a friend who had metasisized canced - often declined or cancelled - I kenw why. She would call to talk or invite to coffee when she felt up to it. I understood. Getting others to understand our situation - that it is limiting - may be hard.

 

Idea: When you say you are experiencing side of effects of medications, etc. some days are hard so you may have to play social events by hear, maybe people understand and accept.

 

About your spiritual group - I'm sorry it's not been working out. I started going to church this summer which was prompted by WD and being isolated.   I never went to church in my life before - and now I look forward to services, the social community - nice people - and being reminded and grateful for what I have - for giving thanks. One doesn't have to buy the entire platform hook, line and sinker. ;)  There are a lot of things that I don't like about it. To be honest, we cans say that about anything.   I hope your spiritual group or similar situation works out.

 

How has your dystonia been? I would like it if my memory was a bit better. :)

 

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