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thecowisback

thecowisback: wondering why I'm giving up Prozac

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powerback
9 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

they've been fairly understanding so far but my mood lately has been so low they don't know what else to do for me, and me being threatening the animals was the last straw as that is so unlike me. all the ferrets were rescued and came from horrible homes and i've spent years being kind and patient to them but today i just screamed at them because they were misbehaving. 

try not to catastrophize it too deeply ,it will send you into a serious spiral ,keep your distance until the demon  calms in you ,I'm the same lately ,an awful demon is seeping out of me ,I'm try this compassion thing rather than judgment of myself  ,my mam seen me today when I wasn't well .but I made a real effort and gave her a big hug ,I never experienced serious issues until withdrawl came knocking .

I know you've a family but is there any were you could go for a break .

Be safe .

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thecowisback

i have to be here to look after my disabled husband. 

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NewMorning

Hi thecowisback.  I was just wondering if you might be able to provide a little update on how you're doing these days...

 

I hope you're feeling a little bit better:)

 

 

 

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thecowisback

how weird - i thought i posted an update a week or so ago. i must have dreamt it LOL. 

thankyou for asking. things are ticking along. i still have constant fear and ocd thoughts but i'm trying to implement Dare each time they get really bad. my husband went to stay with family for 3 days and got back yesterday. i was very very scared the whole time he was gone but i managed to handle the kids on my own so i must be improving a little even if i can't see it myself. 

i've managed to get a counsellor and have been for one session. it wasn't fun but hopefully she'll be able to help. i feel less like i want to go back on the pills now but the constant feeling of fear is still persisting. i've given up wondering when it will all subside and just trying to take each day as it comes. my husband is battling protracted withdrawal from duloxetine and lyrica and it's awful to see him in so much distress. it makes my problems seem tiny in comparison. i wish i could wave a magic wand and make him feel better :(

 

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NewMorning

I'm very glad to hear you're improving, slowly and surely:) Definitely viewing it all in one day increments can be really powerful, despite how simple that sounds. I often forget to look at it that way though... I have to keep reminding myself.

Sending positive vibes your way.

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thecowisback

thankyou :) 

 

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thecowisback

my anxiety has been terrible for the past couple of days - i really don't know what to do with it all. i haven't slept all night as i've just had constant thoughts and fears going round and round in my head and i'm exhausted from having mental arguments for things that may or may not happen in the future. i miss my old self - the one that took prozac and didn't give a toss about anything. 

when will this end? it's unrelenting. someone please tell me it will get better as i need something to hang on to right now. 

 

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Carmie
10 hours ago, thecowisback said:

my anxiety has been terrible for the past couple of days - i really don't know what to do with it all. i haven't slept all night as i've just had constant thoughts and fears going round and round in my head and i'm exhausted from having mental arguments for things that may or may not happen in the future. i miss my old self - the one that took prozac and didn't give a toss about anything. 

when will this end? it's unrelenting. someone please tell me it will get better as i need something to hang on to right now. 

 

 

Hi Thecowisback, 

 

I’m so sorry that your anxiety is so bad. I see you tapered too quickly, I see quite a few people have done this before they knew anything about taoering. A lot of people are in the same boat. All of us eventually get windows, we just never know when. Maybe it might be an idea to read some of the success stories on here to see that people do recover. 

 

Im tapering slower but I still get waves. 

 

I know all about the mental arguments in one’s brain when in a major wave. I try to focus on the fact though that windows eventually come, and they always do. I’m in a window right now. When you’re in the middle of a wave you really do think they will never end but we don’t have permanent brain damage. Our receptors are just trying to heal and work properly again. 

 

You will get better one day, not much consolation now probably, but it is a fact.

 

Sending hugs🤗

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thecowisback

thankyou :). it's no better today but i'm trying to keep busy with other things. 

 

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Carmie
22 hours ago, thecowisback said:

thankyou :). it's no better today but i'm trying to keep busy with other things. 

 

 

Well done the cowisback, 

 

When waves are severe all you can is distract yourself and keep busy doing things. I have lots of DVDs and I also have Netflix. I watch DVDs in the bedroom and Netflix in the loungeroom. I also crochet a lot of the time while watching things. I find comedies good when I’m really down. Brooklyn Nine Nine on Netflix is hilarious! I’m watching Frasier at the moment. 

 

Distract! Distract! Distract! We will win this fight one of these days💚

 

 

 

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thecowisback

thankyou xx

 

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Carmie
On 6/18/2018 at 11:53 PM, thecowisback said:

thankyou xx

 

 

Hi TheCowIsBack, 

 

Just checking in to see if you’ve been able to continue to distract yourself. Do you have some crafts you like to do? Gardening maybe? Painting or drawing? Crosswords? Watching DVDs or Netflix? Writing cards to friends? Planning something? Colouring in? Playing cards? Playing with your ferrets? Etc 

 

You will eventually get there. Just live in the moment though and try to get through each day as best as you can. Worrying about the next day just adds more stress, and more stress can make our symptoms even worse. 

 

Here’s to distracting ourselves.

 

Sending hugs🤗

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thecowisback

I've been trying to knit but I've lost so much interest in things. Tv just bores me me nowadays and i,be been reading the same book since christmas. On Monday my fear lifted for about an hour and it was sheer bliss. Out of all the withdrawals the fear and intrusive thoughts are by far the worst. I long for the day when it all subsides but reading the success stories depresses me as it seems to take people years to recover and I'm only 16 months out so a long long way to go yet.

 

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Carmie
11 hours ago, thecowisback said:

I've been trying to knit but I've lost so much interest in things. Tv just bores me me nowadays and i,be been reading the same book since christmas. On Monday my fear lifted for about an hour and it was sheer bliss. Out of all the withdrawals the fear and intrusive thoughts are by far the worst. I long for the day when it all subsides but reading the success stories depresses me as it seems to take people years to recover and I'm only 16 months out so a long long way to go yet.

 

 

Hi TheCowIsBack, 

 

I know the feeling when nothing gives you much interest at all. I’m anhedonic a lot of the time when I’m in a wave. I just force myself to do things and sometimes the hours fly by. Our  main aim in waves is just to get through the day and distract ourselves. Many days during a wave I’m barely hanging in there but I keep trying to find things to ge me through the day, minute by minute.

 

We don’t really have a choice, we have to get through the day somehow. I find photography is something that is a good distraction for me, when I’m not too bad I take lots of photos so then when I’m really sick I find editing a good distraction.

 

I know it’s hard thinking about how long it will take to recover, but we can only live in this moment and try to get through it the best we can. Everyone eventually recovers though.

 

Im so sorry you’re in this situation, sending hugs🤗

 

 

 

 

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thecowisback

thankyou x 

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Dalalea
On 6/28/2018 at 2:16 AM, Carmie said:

I find photography is something that is a good distraction for me, when I’m not too bad I take lots of photos so then when I’m really sick I find editing a good distraction.

That's a good idea! I love photography AND editing. I hope you both have a good day. ❤️

Dalalea

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thecowisback

the depression seems to be worsening, despite the glorious weather we're having right now. i'm getting out of the house a lot more and getting more exercise because of the weather but my anxiety and depression  are just dragging me down so much. i'm doing things i should be enjoying but i'm just going through the motions and spend part of each day just crying my eyes out often for no good reason. i hate this. 

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Tarheel109
38 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

the depression seems to be worsening, despite the glorious weather we're having right now. i'm getting out of the house a lot more and getting more exercise because of the weather but my anxiety and depression  are just dragging me down so much. i'm doing things i should be enjoying but i'm just going through the motions and spend part of each day just crying my eyes out often for no good reason. i hate this. 

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling poorly. I’m certainly no expert, but it sounds as though you’re doing the right thing by getting outside and getting more exercise.

 

I personally struggle with managing expectations for myself so it can sometimes be triggering seeing others having fun in the sunshine outside and appearing totally carefree... I’m constantly reminding myself that we can never know what’s going on in others’ lives and maybe they are all as miserable as I am... Maybe that’s just me though...

 

As for the crying your eyes out for no good reason; I think that the fact that your brain has grown accustomed to antidepressants and is now working on rebuilding is a GREAT reason to cry...

 

Keep on fighting and doing your best. You’ve got this!

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thecowisback

thankyou for the words of encouragement ❤️

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thecowisback

i'm close to caving in today. really close. the thought of taking pills again terrifies me and tempts me in equal measure. this anxiety and (to a lesser extent) depression is too much to bear. i have spent days constantly rowing and screaming at my family and they're begging me to go back on meds. i can't do this any more. what will happen if i go back on meds after 16 months without ssri's? will they still work? i'm so desperate for relief and i don't think it's ever going to come unless i go back on meds. 

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keepinghope

Hi, just wanted to stop by and say I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m nearly 3 years off Prozac and things have just got worse and worse, with new symptoms popping up all over the place. I’ve decided I’m reinstating, despite all the risks I can’t keep on like I am anymore. 

Hugs

 

Edited to add - I cold turkeyed (well as good as, dr made me do a 6 week taper of skipping doses after 13 years of taking Prozac) so I think that makes a big difference in how well your body copes with withdrawal. 

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thecowisback

😥

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jonnypeters1234567
7 minutes ago, keepinghope said:

Hi, just wanted to stop by and say I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m nearly 3 years off Prozac and things have just got worse and worse, with new symptoms popping up all over the place. I’ve decided I’m reinstating, despite all the risks I can’t keep on like I am anymore. 

Hugs

 

Edited to add - I cold turkeyed (well as good as, dr made me do a 6 week taper of skipping doses after 13 years of taking Prozac) so I think that makes a big difference in how well your body copes with withdrawal. 

 

Have you had any good periods?

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keepinghope

I have, but few and far between. My latest wd symptom is making me suicidal, I have to try something, anything. I can’t be incontinent in my 30s, not happening, no way. 

And I’m not waiting it out and possibly being like this for years longer. I’ve waited it out 3 years already and things have gone from bad to worse. 

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jonnypeters1234567

Totally see where you are coming from

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jonnypeters1234567
9 minutes ago, keepinghope said:

I have, but few and far between. My latest wd symptom is making me suicidal, I have to try something, anything. I can’t be incontinent in my 30s, not happening, no way. 

And I’m not waiting it out and possibly being like this for years longer. I’ve waited it out 3 years already and things have gone from bad to worse. 

 

I guess youve tried dietry changes

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keepinghope

Yes, tried it all. I saw a colorectal consultant who said there’s nothing physically wrong, and this shouldn’t be happening to me. But it is and stress/WD is the only thing I can think it could be. Will update in a month or so on my own topic, sorry to hijack yours thecowisback and I hope everything goes well for both of you. Nobody should judge anyone’s decision until they’ve walked a mile in their shoes. 

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thecowisback

it's so frustrating when doctors say there's nothing wrong with you and it can't be withdrawals. i hope you get some relief from your symptoms soon 😥

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thecowisback

i'm still toying with trying low dose htp to see if that will help but at the same time i'm terrified it may hinder my brain healing 😕

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keepinghope

I haven’t tried htp but I did find magnesium helped me a lot with sleep issues. 

I know what you mean about getting to a point where you’re terrified to try anything in case it sets something off or makes things worse. Anxiety turns into a rocket launcher in WD. 

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thecowisback

i'm on magnesium which does seem to keep me asleep a bit longer at night, though i still wake at stupid o'clock in the morning and can't get back to sleep. 

i'm tired, really tired of battling the anxiety and the intrusive thoughts every single day. looking at recovery stories and reading about people having years of this makes me want to just throw in the towel and admit defeat. take the pill and feel better. hopefully. 

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thecowisback

the odd thing is my ocd seems to be shifting as well - i've noticed myself indulging in behaviours that i haven't done since i was a teenager - i caught myself walking back along the pavement the other day as i found myself walking the other side of a lampost to my husband and thinking in my head that we would split up because i did this, so i trekked back to the lamppost and walked back around it the 'right' way. i thought i'd done with all this sort of behaviour years ago and now it's sneaking back in ......

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jonnypeters1234567
2 minutes ago, thecowisback said:

the odd thing is my ocd seems to be shifting as well - i've noticed myself indulging in behaviours that i haven't done since i was a teenager - i caught myself walking back along the pavement the other day as i found myself walking the other side of a lampost to my husband and thinking in my head that we would split up because i did this, so i trekked back to the lamppost and walked back around it the 'right' way. i thought i'd done with all this sort of behaviour years ago and now it's sneaking back in ......

 

Im the opposite my medication caused me to have OCD in the end and it is still lingering now. It really is debilitating. Does yours come and go, do you noticed it more in windows or waves? When you feel like your old self?

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jonnypeters1234567

Apologies just re-read your intro and noticed you said it was an old illness

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thecowisback

mine is pretty constant. when i have a window i have much lessened anxiety and i can dismiss the thoughts as ocd more readily. 

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Bunyapine

I was originally treated for OCD and depression 30 years ago. It did make it easier to handle the OCD, but now after 2 years of withdrawal and the latest reduction in Prozac last year the OCD is getting much worse! Prozac used to take the edge off the OCD and make it easier to handle. As I have had tremors from the beginning of withdrawal without the increase in OCD, this recent increase makes it harder to deal with OCD as my tremors are increased, as I work on my OCD!

 

 

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